The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v2 - General

[QUOTE=jonoPorter;34475091]To be honest, I'm not really afraid of talking to that girl, I'm afraid of forgetting what I want to say to her. Oh, and failure.[/QUOTE] If you just act natural this wont happen. The more you think about failure the more your likely going to.

[QUOTE=Dr. Disciple;34475160]If you just act natural this wont happen. The more you think about failure the more your likely going to.[/QUOTE] This might good advice for someone who is able to understand this. These are just words for him, they have no impact - mentally or physically. You're not afraid of talking to the girl, yet it matters so much that you could forget what to say to her. This is all about failure, nothing else. You need to accept failure as a part of life. There's no quick fix. There's only trial and error. Either you live to the fullest and get wounded in the process, or you don't live and die alone with 3 cats and Dr. Phil's show on. Telling someone to be natural, relaxed, when in his current "natural" status he's neither, is absurd. I can't give you tips or routines, because that will only increase your fear of failure. There are not tips right now my friend, just be strong-willed because life never ceases to surprise, or be easy at any fucking point of your life. Choose now. Dr. Phill or battle scars?

[QUOTE=Seith;34475305]This might good advice for someone who is able to understand this. These are just words for him, they have no impact - mentally or physically. You're not afraid of talking to the girl, yet it matters so much that you could forget what to say to her. This is all about failure, nothing else. You need to accept failure as a part of life. There's no quick fix. There's only trial and error. Either you live to the fullest and get wounded in the process, or you don't live and die alone with 3 cats and Dr. Phil's show on. Telling someone to be natural, relaxed, when in his current "natural" status he's neither, is absurd. I can't give you tips or routines, because that will only increase your fear of failure. There are not tips right now my friend, just be strong-willed because life never ceases to surprise, or be easy at any fucking point of your life. Choose now. Dr. Phill or battle scars?[/QUOTE] I've already got more than enough battle scars from other shit that happend in my life, but meh. A girl can't wound me.

If so, you know what to do.

[QUOTE=Seith;34474613]Sex doesn't make the man, but rather the man makes the sex. I like being a self-help book. [editline]31st January 2012[/editline] Ease up. It's only a highschool relationship. If a man, or a woman, has something better to offer than the one that woman/guy is dating, then by all means why not let him/her try? Obviously, one cannot deny their partners of relationships with either females or males, so this process will happen regardless of someone actively trying to make her or him change partners. This is entirely her/his choice, which means, it's still up to her/him. If she still cares or is interested for/in the current partner, nothing will matter. My point is, it doesn't even matter. It's up to her or him to decide whether to change partners. It will happen whether you like it or not. And who knows, maybe he or she is really a better partner for him or her.[/QUOTE] What, the point is that you do not go out of your way to fuck up someone's life you idiot, regardless what age they are at. If you base your relationship on some dishonest thing then how can you trust each other? Have you even BEEN in that kind of situation? Like honestly, what are you doing here giving advice when you honestly have no idea what youre talking about. "hey man chillout, it is just highschool! Who cares if they hurt other people! Hell let them do cocaine too and drive crazy on the highway theyre just getting it out of their system! They're young! Hey let them rob a bank too because it is good experience!"

[QUOTE=Variant;34474037]Hey, guys. This might fit better in the sex thread, but it's been affecting me socially. I've been feeling isolated lately because I'm the only virgin in my group of friends. They talk about sex frequently, and it makes me feel bad about myself and inadequate; like something is wrong with me. I don't really know what to do, so I thought I would post about it and see if some responses would give me a different perspective. Maybe even make me feel better.[/QUOTE] The more a guy talks about sex, the less he actually has.

[QUOTE=1chains1;34477093]What, the point is that you do not go out of your way to fuck up someone's life you idiot, regardless what age they are at. If you base your relationship on some dishonest thing then how can you trust each other? Have you even BEEN in that kind of situation? Like honestly, what are you doing here giving advice when you honestly have no idea what youre talking about. "hey man chillout, it is just highschool! Who cares if they hurt other people! Hell let them do cocaine too and drive crazy on the highway theyre just getting it out of their system! They're young! Hey let them rob a bank too because it is good experience!"[/QUOTE] Before you go rambo with your feelings, breathe. I did not say anything about going out of your way or ruining a relationship. Taking in account you are able to read better than me, understand English better than me, I can't see why are you bringing this up? Your points are invalid from the start, as I have never said he needs to do the things you claim I said.

[QUOTE=Seith;34477430]Before you go rambo with your feelings, breathe. I did not say anything about going out of your way or ruining a relationship. Taking in account you are able to read better than me, understand English better than me, I can't see why are you bringing this up? Your points are invalid from the start, as I have never said he needs to do the things you claim I said.[/QUOTE] My feelings are not rambo, I merely calling you an idiot for saying it doesn't matter if he tries to destroy the relationship, which you did say. Stop using that 'I am learning english" crutch as you know it enough to understand what you were saying. Also how is saying "ruining someone else's relationship and then building one off of distrust is a bad thing" an invalid point? If you're having such an [I]oh-so-difficult[/I] time with your english, then do not post advice. Especially badly worded advice that tells people to do stupid things.

Honestly, people should not get involved in other peoples' relationships if there is no visible issue. Regardless of age. That's really all there is to it.

[QUOTE=1chains1;34477525]My feelings are not rambo, I merely calling you an idiot for saying it doesn't matter if he tries to destroy the relationship, which you did say. Stop using that 'I am learning english" crutch as you know it enough to understand what you were saying. Also how is saying "ruining someone else's relationship and then building one off of distrust is a bad thing" an invalid point? If you're having such an [I]oh-so-difficult[/I] time with your english, then do not post advice. Especially badly worded advice that tells people to do stupid things.[/QUOTE] Your feelings are "rambo" when you obviously use Ad Hominem fallacies constantly. Your feelings are fogging your mind so much you didn't notice I meant your English, not mine. Yours is better than mine, so you should have understood what I said earlier, which wasn't at any point "ruining someone's relationship" Now that's out of the way, let me elaborate further; Assuming your post wasn't entirely based on your emotions (which it was, because you are, for the 2nd time in a row you are completely oblivious to what I've said), I did not suggest ruining of relationships. Relationships will end either way - either by "deliberately" trying to attract a woman who's already in a relationship or by choosing to end her current one / cheat on her partner. That's life. That's life's basic learning curve people go through in order to achieve greater results / happiness. As I have said, if a man has something better to offer, and her connection to her current relationship isn't strong, he will succeed. AND AS I HAVE SAID ABOVE, maybe he does offer a better "match" to her needs, desires and general taste. Life is dynamic and so are relationships. I will never suggest a man not to chase his desires because there is no moral conduct here for the above + below reasons. If you read what I said a few posts above (I am repeating this intentionally), you'll know, that even if the guy tries his best to attract a woman in a relationship, she will not respond. So, "breaking relationships" sounds too dramatic than it should be, in my eyes. Even the best of pick-up artists wouldn't have been able to break loose a good relationship. So again, your point is invalid. I really can't elaborate any further, as it was explained perfectly in my earlier post. Your interpretations are wrong and are not even remotely based on my posts.

Don't fix something if it ain't broken. There are other parts you could apply to that saying but they only make you look like an asshole when you apply it to relationships. [QUOTE=Seith;34477830]Your feelings are "rambo" when you obviously use Ad Hominem fallacies constantly. Your feelings are fogging your mind so much you didn't notice I meant your English, not mine. Yours is better than mine, so you should have understood what I said earlier, which wasn't at any point "ruining someone's relationship" Now that's out of the way, let me elaborate further; Assuming your post wasn't entirely based on your emotions (which it was, because you are, for the 2nd time in a row you are completely oblivious to what I've said), I did not suggest ruining of relationships. Relationships will end either way - either by "deliberately" trying to attract a woman who's already in a relationship or by choosing to end her current one / cheat on her partner. That's life. That's life's basic learning curve people go through in order to achieve greater results / happiness. As I have said, if a man has something better to offer, and her connection to her current relationship isn't strong, he will succeed. AND AS I HAVE SAID ABOVE, maybe he does offer a better "match" to her needs, desires and general taste. Life is dynamic and so are relationships. I will never suggest a man not to chase his desires because there is no moral conduct here for the above + below reasons. If you read what I said a few posts above (I am repeating this intentionally), you'll know, that even if the guy tries his best to attract a woman in a relationship, she will not respond. So, "breaking relationships" sounds too dramatic than it should be, in my eyes. Even the best of pick-up artists wouldn't have been able to break loose a good relationship. So again, your point is invalid. I really can't elaborate any further, as it was explained perfectly in my earlier post. Your interpretations are wrong and are not even remotely based on my posts.[/QUOTE] To sum everything up, the guy is attracted to a girl that is taken. End of story. He should cut his losses and keep searching. If he is better or not is not the question. You are not some all knowing love guru. You are just some asshole who gives barely passing advice about relationships. You have some odd disconnect between what you should do around people and alone and that is why you end up sounding like a jackass half the time.

[QUOTE=Rusty100;34474846]who even does this?[/QUOTE] Insecure people

[QUOTE=General Omega;34478005]Don't fix something if it ain't broken. There are other parts you could apply to that saying but they only make you look like an asshole when you apply it to relationships.[/QUOTE] This is starting to bore me. I am talking from experience. "Breaking relationship" is a naive saying from people who are afraid to get hurt. This is life, it will happen whether you'd like it or not for the above reasons.

[QUOTE=Seith;34478075]This is starting to bore me. I am talking from experience. "Breaking relationship" is a naive saying from people who are afraid to get hurt. This is life, it will happen whether you'd like it or not for the above reasons.[/QUOTE] It is not about what is going to happen in the future. If a relationship is doomed to fail, then so be it. But let the time it has left live on. Dont kill things early just because you know it will end eventually. My life will end eventually. I should just end it now and get it over with!

[QUOTE=General Omega;34478134]It is not about what is going to happen in the future. If a relationship is doomed to fail, then so be it. But let the time it has left live on. Dont kill things early just because you know it will end eventually. My life will end eventually. I should just end it now and get it over with![/QUOTE] Totally unrelated, because as I have said, if relationship is strong, he won't attract her. This is pathetic, that's like saying "that guy has no legs, let him get a free pass to the Park". That's pathetically being unable to let go. This is in essence nothing but childish.

The problem isn't that. He has other options. There are other SINGLE girls that he could find. He doesn't have to break a relationship just because he likes a girl.

[QUOTE=General Omega;34478236]The problem isn't that. He has other options. There are other SINGLE girls that he could find. He doesn't have to break a relationship just because he likes a girl.[/QUOTE] Not going to repeat this again. Read above.

I think people forget that someone else coming along is a common way of relationships ending. Time ends relationships, circumstances end relationships, other people end relationships. Someone else coming along is no more "breaking" a relationship than a big fight or general incompatibility is. If someone were to come along and "steal" my girlfriend, would I be upset? Yes, I'm only human. However, I'm able to realize that's the way things work. If she was really a perfect match for me, she wouldn't have left me for someone else. If a girl is willing to leave her boyfriend, they obviously aren't a good match for each other, therefore you're entirely justified in "breaking" their relationship.

I don't know what I can do, their are no other gay/bi guys in my town, just filled with meth heads and bigoted, racist and homophobic people.

[QUOTE=Shovelpass;34478918]I think people forget that someone else coming along is a common way of relationships ending. Time ends relationships, circumstances end relationships, other people end relationships. Someone else coming along is no more "breaking" a relationship than a big fight or general incompatibility is. If someone were to come along and "steal" my girlfriend, would I be upset? Yes, I'm only human. However, I'm able to realize that's the way things work. If she was really a perfect match for me, she wouldn't have left me for someone else. If a girl is willing to leave her boyfriend, they obviously aren't a good match for each other, therefore you're entirely justified in "breaking" their relationship.[/QUOTE] Your view is nice, but unrealistic in my opinion. Maybe that girlfriend realized after cheating on you or leaving you for another guy that she has made a terrible mistake. Perhaps she deeply regrets this decision and wants you back. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when emotions play a major role. A person can be easily manipulated by things and tend to act without thinking. Besides you have to work on your relationship with someone, a deep relationship is something that is sometimes hard to keep up. By your view, if a girl simply leaves you because your relationship was not that great, the effort that both or you made were not sufficent. Although at times there are pretty obvious non-comptabilities. What I mean is that you have to really work on this relationship, if it is good, it will work out. If not, one or both partners are to be blamed. Just taking things as they come is not always the best approach, most relationships break up because the reward/effort ratio is not balanced and it all ends in a frustrating relation that forces one partner to leave. If the relationship was great, there would be no need to break up?

[QUOTE=thisispain;34474612]hah that doesn't mean they aren't virgins. you won't believe the stories some people will tell just to appear like they are sex-fiends.[/QUOTE] Actually, I know they aren't for a fact but I won't go into how I know about it. One of my friends does do that though, so I get what you mean. [editline]31st January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Shovelpass;34477137]The more a guy talks about sex, the less he actually has.[/QUOTE] It also isn't just guys. I do hang out with women. [editline]31st January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Rusty100;34474846]who even does this?[/QUOTE] ok

[QUOTE=junker|154;34479408]Your view is nice, but unrealistic in my opinion. Maybe that girlfriend realized after cheating on you or leaving you for another guy that she has made a terrible mistake. Perhaps she deeply regrets this decision and wants you back. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when emotions play a major role. A person can be easily manipulated by things. Besides you have to work on your relationship with someone, a deep relationship is something that is sometimes hard to keep up. By your view, if a girl simply leaves you because your relationship was not that great, the effort that both or you made were not sufficent. Although at times there are pretty obvious non-comptabilities. What I mean is that you have to really work on this relationship, if it is good, it will work out. If not, it is your or her fault.[/QUOTE] My view is the realistic one, while yours isn't so. This isn't Hollywood. There are no terrible mistakes. People will forever desire what they cannot have anymore. Even if the relationship sucked, a woman or even a guy, might miss what he/she cannot have anymore. And even so, mine is still more realistic, because on that scale she could have made an "awesome choice". Also, there's another reason my view might sounds unrealistic, which is simply because it is unrealistic for most people. My experience and knowledge is different for the most part than most. Either way, this is my opinion. I think I did a good job clarifying it for you guys, especially on such a "thin" subject. I have nothing more to add, as I have said everything.

There is a method to finding companionship that operates similarly to the way a starving hyena finds food. From the outskirts of the herd, unseen and unheard, the hyena moves through the brush until it singles out a weak or wounded zebra. The hyena waits for an opportune moment, and. with the help of a few friends to corral and frighten the herd. strikes out at such a time and angle that the weakened zebra becomes isolated and desperate. Latching onto the zebra's neck with its hanging jaws, the hyena drags its prey to the ground. Once pinned, it's only a matter of time until the already-weak zebra becomes too exhausted to struggle. And then, the hyena feeds. The hunting grounds for the human hyena is most usually suburban bars, however.

[QUOTE=Seith;34479603]My view is the realistic one, while yours isn't so. This isn't Hollywood. There are no terrible mistakes. People will forever desire what they cannot have anymore. Even if the relationship sucked, a woman or even a guy, might miss what he/she cannot have anymore. And even so, mine is still more realistic, because on that scale she could have made an "awesome choice". Also, there's another reason my view might sounds unrealistic, which is simply because it is unrealistic for most people. My experience and knowledge is different for the most part than most. Either way, this is my opinion.[/QUOTE] I meant Shovelpass view on this stuff, never said anything about your view. Might got mixed up, sorry. Sidenote: You are right about the feeling of "don't having something anymore". This is a very common thought that a person experiences. Also people tend to think of alternative outcomes to some events. Thus might making you feel worse because you thought that you could have changed the outcome. Also known as counterfactual thinking.

I only mention this because Seith seems to favor the wounded zebras. Splitting a relationship doesn't have anything to do with proving a couple isn't good for each other; it's as easy as preying on somebody's doubts and insecurities until they finally break. While he is right in the sense that it's realistic to think you can break up an otherwise happy couple for your own personal benefit by subtly picking at the seams of their own insecurities, it doesn't make you any less of a hyena. It seems manipulative and deceitful, to me.

[QUOTE=junker|154;34479408]. If the relationship was great, there would be no need to break up?[/QUOTE] Obviously. That's my point. It will happen regardless, which is basically saying the relationship was a bad choice in the first place, as both partners didn't distribute the "load" equally. Happens a lot between young, inexperienced couples, which is the case right now. You are also right about one point I forgot to mention, which is the "effort". For the most part, I disregard this as even at the age of 21 because people are so inexperienced sexually and have not had many relationships that it doesn't matter. But, again, this same principle applies - the relationship was shit in the first place. Especially if it's broken with a very weak attempt from another man. [editline]31st January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Big Dumb American;34479636]There is a method to finding companionship that operates similarly to the way a starving hyena finds food. From the outskirts of the herd, unseen and unheard, the hyena moves through the brush until it singles out a weak or wounded zebra. The hyena waits for an opportune moment, and. with the help of a few friends to corral and frighten the herd. strikes out at such a time and angle that the weakened zebra becomes isolated and desperate. Latching onto the zebra's neck with its hanging jaws, the hyena drags its prey to the ground. Once pinned, it's only a matter of time until the already-weak zebra becomes too exhausted to struggle. And then, the hyena feeds. The hunting grounds for the human hyena is most usually suburban bars, however.[/QUOTE] Good point, but this is an extreme. You're giving an example of a drunken female sitting at a bar all depressed when a seemingly happy male comes along, and she just wants to feel good about herself. I am, however, talking about a woman who is not nessecarily "prey material". I am also talking about developing a new relationship and not nessecarily a one night stand. I am talking about an ordinary looking female, that doesn't nessecarily has to reside in your local suburban bar. And even if I did, the "struggling" human "dying" from mental wounds and the struggling zebra dying from mortal bite wounds, are only similar, not alike. It's not like every woman of that status you approach would go and give you a good night on her bed. It shouldn't be bothering you either way, there's no moral conduct, you're just following your desires, and as I've said, if the relationship is strong this won't affect it.

[QUOTE=junker|154;34479408]Your view is nice, but unrealistic in my opinion. Maybe that girlfriend realized after cheating on you or leaving you for another guy that she has made a terrible mistake. Perhaps she deeply regrets this decision and wants you back. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when emotions play a major role. A person can be easily manipulated by things and tend to act without thinking. Besides you have to work on your relationship with someone, a deep relationship is something that is sometimes hard to keep up. By your view, if a girl simply leaves you because your relationship was not that great, the effort that both or you made were not sufficent. Although at times there are pretty obvious non-comptabilities. What I mean is that you have to really work on this relationship, if it is good, it will work out. If not, one or both partners are to be blamed. Just taking things as they come is not always the best approach, most relationships break up because the reward/effort ratio is not balanced and it all ends in a frustrating relation that forces one partner to leave. If the relationship was great, there would be no need to break up?[/QUOTE] Except I disagree with you. The whole "relationships need work" thing is just something people use as a crutch in order to excuse their laziness in finding someone right for them. They find someone and stick with them regardless of how compatible they are. When trouble arises, it's "relationships require work" instead of "this person isn't right for me." My relationship has required zero work. Zero. We never fight, have never been upset with each other, and a perfectly fine with giving each other as much space as we need. What I have is a real relationship, and it's because I took the time to find someone who is actually compatible with me. Sure, we might disagree on things, but it's always a joke fight like "You're wrong! No, you're wrong! You're wronger than wrong wrong wrong!" and whatnot. So if she left me, it'd be because of my lack of effort? That just sounds dumb. If another dude came along who is better than me in every way, even if she's happy with me, she will most likely leave the relationship because she could most likely be even more happy with him. No amount of effort I put in is going to change that. Relation[b]ships[/b] are essentially just that, ships. Ships in the sea of life. Sure, the ship might fall apart due to shoddy construction, that'd be its own fault. However, its success is mostly left up to the sea. You can't control the weather, or the tides, you just hold on and see if you make it. Just because you don't doesn't mean you did something wrong or it's someone's fault.

FUCKING RIGHT ON TARGET. GIVE ME A KISS BABY I'd like to also add to that first paragraph, that people use this, "relationship needs work" as an excuse for their lack of abundance either of males or females in their lives. If everybody had a gazillion partners available, we wouldn't have gotten such childish approaches to relationships. Very needy ones, I must say. There are many people who could be compatible with you, so in essence, the reality you guys are mentioning, is nothing but a fabrication from Hollywood.

[QUOTE=Shovelpass;34480047]Except I disagree with you. The whole "relationships need work" thing is just something people use as a crutch in order to excuse their laziness in finding someone right for them. They find someone and stick with them regardless of how compatible they are. When trouble arises, it's "relationships require work" instead of "this person isn't right for me." My relationship has required zero work. Zero. We never fight, have never been upset with each other, and a perfectly fine with giving each other as much space as we need. What I have is a real relationship, and it's because I took the time to find someone who is actually compatible with me. Sure, we might disagree on things, but it's always a joke fight like "You're wrong! No, you're wrong! You're wronger than wrong wrong wrong!" and whatnot. So if she left me, it'd be because of my lack of effort? That just sounds dumb. If another dude came along who is better than me in every way, even if she's happy with me, she will most likely leave the relationship because she could most likely be even more happy with him. No amount of effort I put in is going to change that. Relation[b]ships[/b] are essentially just that, ships. Ships in the sea of life. Sure, the ship might fall apart due to shoddy construction, that'd be its own fault. However, its success is mostly left up to the sea. You can't control the weather, or the tides, you just hold on and see if you make it. Just because you don't doesn't mean you did something wrong or it's someone's fault.[/QUOTE] You don't say. That's all well and good for you Mr. Relationship Ubermensch but the rest of us live on planet earth. There is no theorem I'm aware of that says for all people there exists a person such that they will never fight and their relationship will be perfectly effortless and life will be fine and dandy. Plenty of people fight all the time with their significant others but love them deeply and get married and grow old and die together. How it is for you and whatsherface is not how it is for everyone on earth.

This is an extremely tedious discussion. It seems to me that attempting to weasel into a relationship by picking at the seams of somebody's insecurities is exceptionally juvenile.