The Super Friendly Social and Love Advice Thread v2 - General

I hate the feeling when someone you really cared about and was very close does something really stupid to you and now you have to pretty much ignore her. I have not talked to this girl since the twenty third of December. I only said "sup" when we passed on the hallway in school after she said hi to me. Then she asks if something is wrong but I pretend like I didn't hear her and moved on to class. I felt like she may have been trying to mock me, but I doubt it. What happened is that she basically goes to Kohls where my brother works and approaches him while he is working to tell him to tell me to leave her alone. Now don't get me wrong, it was not the request which I am mad about. It was the fact that, if we really were close friends, she would have at least tried to text or call me about it, and not go to my brother. Actions really do speak louder than words I guess. The next day, I found out. I was at a loss. I really didn't want this, but I had to. I deleted her number and removed her from facebook (I still do not think she is aware that I did this), and told myself I would not approch her about it, that it would be her responsibility; if she really wants to be friends, she has to prove it. But after four days of it in school, I just don't feel right. All my friends have been telling me that I'm doing the right thing and that she should not have done what she did. I will listen to my friends, but I am still even more mad that she has not approached me about it all yet. I just felt like getting that out. Any further advice would be greatly appreciated.

Just keep moving through it. If she's requested that you leave her alone, it's quite clear that that is what she wants. Sure it isn't fair and quite immature for her to do it through your brother but there's not a whole lot you can do beyond what you've already done (which is good and the best way of moving through this). If you want though it might help to just tell her what you've said here. It'll definitely be a load off your chest if you tell it straight to her that whilst you will leave her alone, you think it's bullshit that she did it in the way that she did and that it isn't fair for her to treat people like that. After that, just keep your chin up and leave her. The pain is temporary, I promise.

That's what I've been hoping to do, but I'm not sure I'd I should just wait for her to come to me, (which shows she may actually care or apologize) or just go to her. I don't want to be the one who has to take action over this, but then again, I'm just not sure.

call up her father and ask if you can go 50/50 on the abortion money or less juvenile, go up to her, say 'look this is bullshit but whatever' and move on

I guess you're right, plus it makes me look like the more mature one

[QUOTE=Seith;34091268]Most people act on "auto pilot". Don't you know those people that see you in a mall and go, "what are you doing here?!?!?!" "what the fuck would I be doing in a mall?!?!?!" They just shallowly blur out their usual automated responses instead of actually being genuine and saying what's really on your mind.[/QUOTE] thats not shallow, its a perfectly legitimate question "what are you doing here?" "oh I'm here for X" "that's interesting, I'm here for Y" etc

[QUOTE=Seith;34091564]I shall assume you're fully immersed inside the friend zone. This is what you need to do, generally; Set goals; What do you want to get from her? Have sex? Long term, short term relationships? Change state of mind; Be awesome. Feel awesome. I'll give you an example - I want you to take yourself back to when you had sex. Be in that moment, dwell in it for a second. The air - was it thick, hard to breathe? The weather, was it raining, sunny? Where was it - in the kitchen, in the bedroom, on the floor? How did you feel, did you feel aroused? excited? amazing? Now I want you to feel her. How does she feel? smooth and maybe sweaty? What does she smell like? fruity, or maybe is it, just intoxicating you can't tell? You guys just had sex. How do you feel? Do you feel amazing, yet you're still uncertain but you feel like you've done something that have changed you life, right? That's what you need to feel. That's that state of mind men have every time they have sex. As if everybody can feel it. But it's not them, it's just you showing your pride in yourself. Achieve your goals; this should be easy now. Suddenly, the facts escape you. You don't need them, you know she wants you. Approach her with the intent to have her and a better state of mind and everything shall be revealed instantly. Very general, very helpful as a general advice. Let's see if you can put this to use. Once you get into a real predicament in your interaction with her, I'll give out more specific advice.[/QUOTE] Wow, Seith. You are one weird guy. Are you even human, you sound like a robot dude.

[QUOTE=Str4fe;34091405]How to approach a girl i know pretty well? I guess you could say im in friend zone, but i really dont know what she thinks about me. We have only met like 5 times now. Each time just outdoors chilling.[/QUOTE] Some little update, went outdoors with her, after we got cold (it was -15c outside), we went for a coffee, had a nice chat, and some time later we went to a pizzeria. Overall we had pretty great time for 7 hours. [editline]7th January 2012[/editline] Dont say anything Seith. You have no word in this.

[QUOTE=Str4fe;34097002]Some little update, went outdoors with her, after we got cold (it was -15c outside), we went for a coffee, had a nice chat, and some time later we went to a pizzeria. Overall we had pretty great time for 7[\QUOTE] Why wasn't I invited

[QUOTE=Cl0cK;34096325]Wow, Seith. You are one weird guy. Are you even human, you sound like a robot dude.[/QUOTE] That post was the opposite of robotic when I wrote it. I am as weird as it gets, I am that awesome. [editline]7th January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Str4fe;34097002]Some little update, went outdoors with her, after we got cold (it was -15c outside), we went for a coffee, had a nice chat, and some time later we went to a pizzeria. Overall we had pretty great time for 7 hours. [editline]7th January 2012[/editline] Dont say anything Seith. You have no word in this.[/QUOTE] Obviously ;0 [editline]7th January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;34095987]thats not shallow, its a perfectly legitimate question "what are you doing here?" "oh I'm here for X" "that's interesting, I'm here for Y" etc[/QUOTE] Sounds like you ask it a lot. It's ok, you can still ask it, it was just my opinion ;p

I don't really ask it very much, I normally just say hi and ask how they're doing and I really don't understand what that has to do with anything, or why I'd need your approval in order to ask it if I felt like it where do you come off judging people based on posts like these?

You see, Seith has telepathic powers and is obviously a master of lovemaking. :v: Jokes apart, I think Jo The Shmo is acting correctly, I don't see the big deal there. He's into the girl he likes, he's keeping her space, acting cool, not pressuring anything by showing a very relaxed and mature way of dealing with this girl. I approve of his method! :eng101: Anyway: As for me, my ex is trying to "hit" me with indirect implications on her facebook status. I'm not paranoid about it, I just now her to well to see she's trying to get to me. (To bad for her I never write whiny crap on my facebook) Funny thing is she's being bi-polar. One minute she's all "I hate guys, they are all shit!", the other she's implying to miss me and posting music from CD's I borough her with phrases like "This makes me remember of someone I miss". She's back with her ex and for some of you who remember my story, she was kind of a bitch to me (he used me while her ex broke up with her), so I'm not speaking to her because I'm not going to have a front row seat to see the same old story where the guy just hurts her again and she comes crying on my shoulder. I even wished her merry Christmas just to be responded with a cold "thanks!" and a hung up. I think after all these years I still don't understand the bi-polarity of girls. Ok, not to sound sexist, at least this one.

I'm awful at having small talk with anyone, guy or girl. Anyone have any advice on how to small talk better?

Well, let me help you with my greatest fear, Sonny. You just have to bring something interesting to converse about that isn't small talk, Or find a reason to leave the conversation if you really want to avoid talking to the person. Actually there is no real way of avoiding it, you just have to deal with it like a man.

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;34101573] Jokes apart, I think Jo The Shmo is acting correctly, I don't see the big deal there. He's into the girl he likes, he's keeping her space, acting cool, not pressuring anything by showing a very relaxed and mature way of dealing with this girl. I approve of his method! :eng101: [/QUOTE] what are you talking about?? im really confused

[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;34102943]what are you talking about?? im really confused[/QUOTE] im jo the shmo and help what is a compliment

[QUOTE=Turnips5;34103352]im jo the shmo and help what is a compliment[/QUOTE] well hes talking about this girl and the way I'm "handling" it but I haven't posted anything about handling a situation with a girl, so I'm a little lost...

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;34101573]You see, Seith has telepathic powers and is obviously a master of lovemaking. :v: Jokes apart, I think Jo The Shmo is acting correctly, I don't see the big deal there. He's into the girl he likes, he's keeping her space, acting cool, not pressuring anything by showing a very relaxed and mature way of dealing with this girl. I approve of his method! :eng101: Anyway: As for me, my ex is trying to "hit" me with indirect implications on her facebook status. I'm not paranoid about it, I just now her to well to see she's trying to get to me. (To bad for her I never write whiny crap on my facebook) Funny thing is she's being bi-polar. One minute she's all "I hate guys, they are all shit!", the other she's implying to miss me and posting music from CD's I borough her with phrases like "This makes me remember of someone I miss". She's back with her ex and for some of you who remember my story, she was kind of a bitch to me (he used me while her ex broke up with her), so I'm not speaking to her because I'm not going to have a front row seat to see the same old story where the guy just hurts her again and she comes crying on my shoulder. I even wished her merry Christmas just to be responded with a cold "thanks!" and a hung up. I think after all these years I still don't understand the bi-polarity of girls. Ok, not to sound sexist, at least this one.[/QUOTE] Us guys will never understand girls, I promise. Don't even try.

Jo, I think you handled Seith pretty well.

[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;34104512]well hes talking about this girl and the way I'm "handling" it but I haven't posted anything about handling a situation with a girl, so I'm a little lost...[/QUOTE] Seith was talking about your mall small talk, Behemoth was talking about the girl you want to ask out.

[QUOTE=sonny99;34102782]I'm awful at having small talk with anyone, guy or girl. Anyone have any advice on how to small talk better?[/QUOTE] Try and talking with the person about things they might be interested in, or ask questions about themselves. For example, say you're talking to a redneck [B]Redneck[/B] You: Sup Them: Hey You: So dude, you like to hunt? Them: HELL YEAH I DO, .... [B]Cheerleader [/B]You: Hey you're on the cheerleading team right? Them: Yeah, I am hehe You: Ah awesome. How often do you guys practice because it seems like a lot of what you do would be really hard to learn (compliments are good!) Them: Oh we practice blah blah blah [B] Cute girl in class [/B]You: This class is really boring... Them: Yeah it really is You: I don't really know anyone either so that doesn't help Them: Me either, it's weird You: Did you understand that one part of the homework last night? Them: blah blah blah and let them do the talking. That usually works. If it starts to die off, ask more questions about the subject. If you don't know what they like to do, start talking about things you do know about. Such as school (If you're in school). "The homework in this class is awful" or "I'm so ready for break" "I have no clue what we're doing in this class" If they don't seem to be interested in the conversation, end it. You don't want to bother the person. Try small talk over a period of a few days. If every time they seem short, they may just be a dick/bitch and forget it. Just remember to not talk about yourself all the time. People love to tell about themselves, and if during the conversation most of it is about them they will walk away thinking, "I enjoyed that conversation, he is interesting!" One last thing, try and look interested in what the person is saying. Ask questions about what they say, don't just immediately switch to a new topic. Look them in the eye, throw in a few smiles, just be charming *Also read Dark_Light's post a few down*

also keep in mind if youre in high school or something, a lot of the time other kids suck at talking too it took me a while to realize this, but sometimes it's not your fault when the conversation dies, and you shouldn't let it get to you

"Don't talk about yourself but make sure the other person is always talking about themselves, it doesn't matter if you have no interest in what they're talking about at all!"

[QUOTE=Dark_Light;34105058]"Don't talk about yourself but make sure the other person is always talking about themselves, it doesn't matter if you have no interest in what they're talking about at all!"[/QUOTE]Pretty much the basis to holding a conversation

[QUOTE=Dark_Light;34105058]"Don't talk about yourself but make sure the other person is always talking about themselves, it doesn't matter if you have no interest in what they're talking about at all!"[/QUOTE] If you were making fun of my post, cool. It was kind of rambling but hopefully it got the point across. Starting a conversation is the hardest part, it just kind of flows at a point. You can talk about things you are interested in but I put in to not talk about yourself to much as a reminder.

[QUOTE=Raptor;34104759]Just remember to not talk about yourself all the time. People love to tell about themselves, and if during the conversation most of it is about them they will walk away thinking, "I enjoyed that conversation, he is interesting!"[/QUOTE] Sorry but I really just disagree with this way of thinking. If you're constantly asking questions about shit that they are interested in but you have no input in, then they're not going to know a thing about you, in fact if that actually happened to me I would find the conversation very annoying. I would probably walk away thinking, "That conversation was really weird, he asked a lot of questions." I wrote this post ages ago but I think it'd be worth dropping here for sonny: [QUOTE=Dark_Light;30425316]I'm going to assume that this is a girl you're interested in for the purpose of this post. Even if she isn't though, you should try develop a consistent 'framework' if you will of how you interact with girls or people in general, so when it does come to someone you're interested in, you seem natural and therefore calm and confident. When it comes to girls you have interest in, the only difference is you are more physical and flirtatious with them. For now though, we'll worry about casual, friendly conversation. As has been said, you should just be treating them like any other friend. What this does is puts you in a relaxed state so you don't overthink and overanalyse everything that you or her say. It's just casual conversation with any other friend. However, of course this is a lot easier said than done, so perhaps some more practical advice can help. When you engage in a conversation with her, you need to be a good listener. You should be looking for ways to further the conversation, in the form of 'threads' or conversational branches. Take this conversation for instance: "So what sort of music do you listen to?" (a general opener, you shouldn't have trouble with questions like this). "I like to listen to dance music, mostly what the radio puts out, but some classical music too." From that simple response, you can go on to talk about dance music, classical music, or the radio; you have three 'threads'. You could tell her about a recent music festival you went to where they played dance music, you could tell her about some of your favourite dance music artists, you could give her your opinion on the radio, you could ask her what radio station she most enjoys, and so on. From the reply she gives to whatever you say next, you will have a bunch of threads to pick up and continue with. "Nice nice. Haha classical music, that reminds me of this time in music class at school where we were analysing a Beethoven piece... ...So what classes are you doing?" I know, it's a pretty bland example, and you don't really want to spend too long talking about boring shit like music tastes or favourite foods or where she's from etc, because she's probably heard those same questions a million times before, but with any topic of casual conversation the same general idea applies. A good way to get more comfortable with talking to females, or people in general, is to just stop giving a shit. Again, easier said than done, but seriously just stop caring. Improvise, say whatever is on your mind, get out of your comfort zone. The more you do it, the further you push yourself, the more your comfort zone will grow, and the more confident you will become in yourself. And the more confident you become, the more comfortable you will get with putting yourself out there, and the cycle will continue and continue until you can hold a natural conversation with anyone you want with complete confidence. I used to be similar, I would freeze up when talking to girls, hell I had enough trouble talking to people. I couldn't look anyone in the eye when talking with them, I just felt so uncomfortable all the time. I walked around with my hands in my pockets staring at the ground. I avoided social interaction at any costs, but all the while longed for human contact. Enough about that though, long story short I broke out of my shell, stopped giving a fuck about what people thought of me, and just spoke my mind whenever I wanted to. I'm still a bit of a shy guy, I'm still introverted, but I'm confident. I know that whatever I have to say is worth saying, so I say it. I'm now able to hold a conversation with any girl I want, flirting with them, making jokes at their expense, keeping them interested, etc etc. I hope there's something you can get from all that, I got a bit carried away. I'm avoiding school work >__>. All the best kid.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Dark_Light;34105376]Sorry but I really just disagree with this way of thinking. If you're constantly asking questions about shit that they are interested in but you have no input in, then they're not going to know a thing about you, in fact if that actually happened to me I would find the conversation very annoying. I would probably walk away thinking, "That conversation was really weird, he asked a lot of questions." [/QUOTE] If the other person is a good conversationist they will probably ask questions also. Obviously you aren't going to ask a ton in a row. Questions are what keeps the talking going, like I said before. Maybe I didn't make that clear in my post, I just thought it was easy to infer

[QUOTE=Raptor;34105364]If you were making fun of my post, cool. It was kind of rambling but hopefully it got the point across. Starting a conversation is the hardest part, it just kind of flows at a point. You can talk about things you are interested in but I put in to not talk about yourself to much as a reminder.[/QUOTE] Nah I didn't mean offence, I just disagreed with your logic. I agree, talking about yourself constantly is a terrible thing to do and nobody likes talking to people like that, but inversely nobody wants to be put on the spot and made to talk about [I]them[/I]selves, especially if the other person has no knowledge or genuine interest in what you're talking about. [editline]8th January 2012[/editline] [QUOTE=Raptor;34105483]If the other person is a good conversationist they will probably ask questions also. Obviously you aren't going to ask a ton in a row. Questions are what keeps the talking going, like I said before. Maybe I didn't make that clear in my post, I just thought it was easy to infer[/QUOTE] Alright but your post just sort of sounded like "just ask about things they are interested in, if it dies down then ask more questions."

[QUOTE=Dark_Light;34105524]Nah I didn't mean offence, I just disagreed with your logic. I agree, talking about yourself constantly is a terrible thing to do and nobody likes talking to people like that, but inversely nobody wants to be put on the spot and made to talk about [I]them[/I]selves, especially if the other person has no knowledge or genuine interest in what you're talking about.[/QUOTE] Yeah I agree. I probably should have explained that in my post more. I'm kind of good at reading body language (not trying to brag) and take the conversation based on the way they act and what they say. You're explanation makes more sense

[QUOTE=Raptor;34105564]Yeah I agree. I probably should have explained that in my post more. I'm kind of good at reading body language (not trying to brag) and take the conversation based on the way they act and what they say. You're explanation makes more sense[/QUOTE] Body language is almost everything in a conversation imo. You can get so much info from just a person standing that it is ridiculous.