[url]http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2843692/1/Stigma_Complex[/url] I recently posted chapter one of this story i wrote. What do you guys think of my writing? Do you want to see what happens next? Im not giving spoilers.
Edit: also, if anyone wants to help me edit this, please write your fixes. I know my writing style aint the best.
Terrible, couldn't even properly spell "skills" :frog:
Fast Threads.
[QUOTE=Encryption;24522523]Terrible, couldn't even properly spell "skills" :frog:[/QUOTE]
What I was about to say. :D
Yeah its pretty good actully.
[QUOTE=Ithae;24522554]Fast Threads.[/QUOTE]
Bad because you spelled skills wrong.
Fuck i fucki spelled skiils wrong!!!!
[QUOTE=Head Shot;24522627]Fuck i fucki spelled skiils wrong!!!![/QUOTE]
skills* :v:
[QUOTE=Head Shot;24522627]Fuck i fucki spelled skiils wrong!!!![/QUOTE]
You also didn't capitalize "I" in your last post.
I thought it was pretty good. The story seemed interesting, but for some reason, maybe it's just me, some of the sentences especially near the end are kind of hard to follow. I think the tense on some of the verbs is a bit confusing.
You have a lot of run-on sentences.
[QUOTE=Tauruas;24522681]I thought it was pretty good. The story seemed interesting, but for some reason, maybe it's just me, some of the sentences especially near the end are kind of hard to follow. I think the tense on some of the verbs is a bit confusing.[/QUOTE]
Yeah i did that on purpose since it all happened so quickly for michael.
make a tl:dr thing
[QUOTE=GWMCOCD;24522805]make a tl:dr thing[/QUOTE]
Whats that?
Has no one else noticed the influx of threads about random shit from this guy?
[QUOTE=sonicrjk;24522906]Has no one else noticed the influx of threads about random shit from this guy?[/QUOTE]
Yes, and it's pretty goddamn annoying.
[QUOTE=sonicrjk;24522906]Has no one else noticed the influx of threads about random shit from this guy?[/QUOTE]
Uh did you notice that we have the same username and he joined two days ago?
[QUOTE=Head Shot;24522627]Fuck i fucki spelled skiils wrong!!!![/QUOTE]
you fucki spelled?
[QUOTE=Head Shot;24522823]Whats that?[/QUOTE]
It stands for too long didnt read
[editline]08:19PM[/editline]
[QUOTE=Head Shot;24522966]Uh did you notice that we have the same username and he joined two days ago?[/QUOTE]
Are you retarded? He was talking about the stupid stuff from you not about the actual users
You changed tense mid sentence.
Yeah he edited what he wrote while i responded. He thought i was trolling.
Cut down the commas, boy.
[quote]So after what seems like 10 minutes or so[b],[/b] my watch begins to go on the fritz[b],[/b] and for some reason[b],[/b] I know that when it beeps[b],[/b] I'm allowed to go into dad's lab for the first time.[/quote]
[quote]When I reach the bottom of the stairs[b],[/b] I see what seems to be my father shot dead on the floor[b],[/b] a scientist that i've never met before[b], [/b]and my girlfriend's father carrying a pistol. [/quote]
I also don't like how it switches from first to third person in the last 2 or 3 paragraphs.
[editline]08:24PM[/editline]
It's not awful, but it's not that good either. I wouldn't be able to read a few pages of this.
[QUOTE=Henry Townshend;24523286]Cut down the commas, boy.
I also don't like how it switches from first to third person in the last 2 or 3 paragraphs.
[editline]08:24PM[/editline]
It's not awful, but it's not that good either. I wouldn't be able to read a few pages of this.[/QUOTE]
Well it gets better in 1B. Ill post that tomorrow.
Rated terrible. because your a terrible people. Never right again.
[QUOTE=Head Shot;24522502][url]http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2843692/1/Stigma_Complex[/url] I recently posted chapter one of this story i wrote. What do you guys think of my writing? Do you want to see what happens next? Im not giving spoilers.[/QUOTE]
You need to try to stop writing like you are 14 (unless you really are-and if so, carry on). But things like 'his tattooed arm' ruin the writing style. A better way to word it would be 'the ink on his arm seemed to almost jump out at him, reminding him of what used to be', idk something like that
Honestly, it has potential but its just so.......bad. Your writing style seems like a ninth graders. Extremely choppy sentences left me with a question mark. Also be more descriptive. Theres almost no imagery going on. I know this isnt what you wanted to hear but it just cant be avoided.
Yeah i know that. Im bad at imagery. Can you guys help me out?
Pretty bad, to be honest.
If you're bad at imagery, good luck writing.
Im trying to help but it isnt going well. I dont have much to really go on. Theres virtually no sense of objects, or of whats happening. I cant fix anything.
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