• Facepunch Anonymous Confessional: We know you stuck a banana in your ass
    162 replies, posted
I wish I had things to confess to.
[QUOTE=The Aussie;45706933]Good to know. So what is it? Like full blown sentences or just like some buzzing when the other needs to talk or is in danger?[/QUOTE] it's weird, sometimes when i cum it screams "abby!"
Finally I can share with the world how fucked up I am sexually.
[QUOTE=Limed00d;45707363]Finally I can share with the world how fucked up I am sexually.[/QUOTE] finally you can post about how you want to tell the world how fucked up you re sexually but not submit anything
So I've been out of the loop -- what happened to ventilated's original account?
[QUOTE=One Ear Ninja;45708795]So I've been out of the loop -- what happened to ventilated's original account?[/QUOTE] Perm'd for attempting a Gold Member socialist revolution against the moderators and King Garry.
I missed this thread.
numbero dose [quote=John Doe]So I have this history of being a troubled person. My ethical conclusions were null and my spiritual component was defective. I did something that would never encounter my mind today. I have one sibling, a sister, way younger than me. She used to have these small animals living in her room. One bunny and one guinea pig. Almost every single time everyone left the house, I would be located in her room. The animals would stare at me with intense fear. I reach down with my hand, pinching the guinea pig, and it lets out this noise of pain. The bunny doesn't make any noises when I hurt it, I wonder why? I want to hear more of these moans of pain. I relocate my hand and feel the guinea pigs spine and push on one of the vertebrae's. I push real hard, and the animal starts to scream. I keep pushing with a twisting motion. Now, when I stop and let the animal run to a corner of the room, it kinda walks funny. I think I broke its back. I put my hand on the bunny's chest, I can feel its heart beat, really fast and hard. The animal is in panic mode. I take out my penis, put the bunny on top while sitting down, and then I start to suffocate it. The animal twists and moves trying to get air while the movements are massaging my dick. Oops, it stopped moving, better push on its chest a couple of times to revive it. It woke up again, good, then the fun can continue. A couple of days later, the guinea pig dies because of something related to its back. A few days more, the bunny dies because it stopped eating. Interesting. Creating hell for two souls makes me the devil. Over and out. [/quote] This is pretty fucked up. You killed a guinea pig, and traumatized a bunny. If this were 4chan they would be hunting you down. Masturbating with a bunny? I wouldn't be surprised if you raped any other family pets you fucking degenerate. [quote=John Doe]Please forgive me father for as I believe I have sinned. When I was in 6th grade I had this habit of getting sticky notes or pieces of paper and drawing dick faces on them. A artistic rendering of it. [url]http://s8.postimg.org/4ssuo45rp/Untitled.png[/url] But it didn't stop from there, I had this addiction of sticking them onto other black peoples book bags as they walked pass my class when the bell rang. Though I did it at least 7 times on different occasions I never heard an announcement about it. Most likely because one day one of my friends seen it and decided to pass it around class, a teacher caught note thinking it was a note being passed, I watched as the teacher went out the hall and shows it to another teacher, they were giggling. Will I ever get this behind me?[/quote] [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBj4D061UG0?t=34s[/media] But in all seriousness, you say "other black people," which leads me to believe that you are also black. There's nothing wrong with that, and in this day and age black people are becoming more and more accepted as regular people. You should put the dick drawings behind you, or contact those teachers who giggled at your dick and see if they even remember. [quote=John Doe]i'm in my early 20s and i have watched at least an hours worth of porn every single day since i was 14 even after fucking my girlfriend and she goes home, i automatically turn on the pc and load it up i don't know what's wrong with me i don't know if I care[/quote] When you masturbate while watching porn do you actually watch to the end of the video after you cum or do you stop? That's besides the point. I've heard of some people [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction]being addicted to porn[/url], but there is nothing wrong with the occasional viewing. An hour a day sounds like a lot, you should try to reduce it little by little every day. You should try not watching after fucking your gf, or ask her to watch with you. There are plenty of couples who watch porn together, and often get new ideas for the bedroom. [quote=John Doe]hi vent So I confessed to the guy who ran the last thread that my little pony got me a gf and got me laid (ill send the whole story if anyone gives a shit). It's been 9 months now and I'm still with her. Shes pretty much the girl I've been dreaming about for years and neither of us can see it ending anytime soon. I don't even give a shit about the show at this point, I'm just pretty damn happy with what I've gotten out of it[/quote] I tried watching MLP:FIM once and couldn't make it through an entire episode. Glad to hear that you and your girlfriend bonded over MLP, I just hope that you two aren't fat too. Not much is worse than a fat MLP fan. Also glad to hear that you've grown out of the phase where you watched MLP. That show is intended for tween girls. [quote=John Doe]I met this girl on a bus, she was sitting beside me while we waited for the bus and I asked her if she had saw it in which she responded no. When it arrived we both got on but I sat one seat in front of her, when I looked at what she does doing we had a conversation. She was nerdy, very geeky and not that attractive but cute in a way if that makes sense. She gave me her steam name and her real name for Facebook and I added her. A week passes and we're in a discreet location, giving me head after school and I ate her out as well because why not. One day after she goes into a relationship with a guy she was talking about. Originally she didn't want anything to do with me from that point on but sexual tension said otherwise and this time I'm at her house on her bed and we fuck. We decide to do this sneaky friends with benefits type shit where nobody can find out. However in some ways it works and I guess makes sense, we're never going to date we both made that explicitly clear, she's just a fuck and I'm just a fuck as well. This guy goes to my school, I pass him daily and all I can think of is "if only you knew". But I feel bad at times and she does too. We both enjoy it, she loves that she has these options and feels less stressed and more relaxed but I don't know. We were at a point growing attached and developed feelings, at which point we both distanced ourselves away. We're not talking any more and still in that distance phase. Should I continue or leave it hang, I found others now but she was nice and had a pretty good taste in video games. But eh. I'm just glad I got to do something before I became an infamous person who hadn't done anything with a girl besides making out. I'm much happier now, and it's opened my eyes to a lot of things and more possibilities.[/quote]As a person who has been cheated on in the past it doesn't feel nice when you find out. I'd suggest you stop fucking this girl for the sake of her boyfriend. Either that or convince her to dump him and date you, or continue your fwb relationship when she is single. It's not fair to him. Neat that you and she have similar tastes in video games. I've only recently started playing PC games with my fiancee, she played some xbox games when she was younger, and I bought her a 360 a few years ago. We played through some co-op games like Little Big Planet and Gears of War, but now that I remembered that she could use a 360 controller on PC we've been trying to play more games online together. She likes using a controller since that's what she's used to, but I think she'll come around the the good ol' keyboard+mouse soon enough. Perhaps if you two start gaming together your relationship will blossum from fwb to full on bf/gf and further. [quote=John Doe]sup niga 1.craptasket and most of the gmf are teen circlerky edgy fucking pieces of shit and should kill themselves especially the ktt which is fucking shit eating retarded cancer 2.facepunch is a bunch of fucking leftist teenagers who are good in heart but dont fucking get the memo that you can't be good do everybody and not drag everybody down at the same time, with special dedications to the SH, you dumb fucking leftist pieces of commie socialist good hearted circlejercking shits 3.faaaaagooooootttew 4. bye [/quote] Please stop wasting everyone's time with dumb confessions, OK [email=null@null.null]"Mona"[/email]. [editline]16th August 2014[/editline] oops i posted someone's e-mail address
[QUOTE=airconditiond;45709586][editline]16th August 2014[/editline] oops i posted someone's e-mail address[/QUOTE] >;)
Vent's commentary isn't as good as in the other threads this is my confession
[email]smokkurwa@gmail.com[/email] proch, is that you? [editline]16th August 2014[/editline] We know now, there is no need to hide
Can anyone link to the old ones? I think it was before my time :/
[QUOTE=WhyNott;45710775][email]smokkurwa@gmail.com[/email] proch, is that you? [editline]16th August 2014[/editline] We know now, there is no need to hide[/QUOTE] it is fite me [editline]16th August 2014[/editline] There I was thinking i was clever using my alts email. My alt which has the same name as the address. Well shit I deserve all the dumbs i'll get :v:
[QUOTE=LennyPenny;45710890]Can anyone link to the old ones? I think it was before my time :/[/QUOTE] In the OP of this thread there's a link to the last one I made, which has a link to the previous one I made and links to some of the ones Hezzy made. Search around a little bit.
[QUOTE=proch;45710993]it is fite me [editline]16th August 2014[/editline] There I was thinking i was clever using my alts email. My alt which has the same name as the address. Well shit I deserve all the dumbs i'll get :v:[/QUOTE] Seriously? I-it was a joke, since whoever send that e-mail is clearly polish and you were the only well-recoginzable polish poster that I could think of guess I'm smarter then I thought
99% incest
i feel like most of the incest stuff is just made up nowadays the old confessionals had lots of it and people are just trying to make it feel like old times or something
lol of course it's proch, what an obsessive freakazoid
[QUOTE=Quark:;45713000]i feel like most of the incest stuff is just made up nowadays the old confessionals had lots of it and people are just trying to make it feel like old times or something[/QUOTE] mine's real
[QUOTE=drutehtkehs;45713116]mine's real[/QUOTE] [img]http://www.redhotfiretruckevents.com/images/siren.gif[/img][B] WARNING, WARNING, THIS IS A TROLLER ACCOUNT. THE DUDE ON THIS ACCOUNT IS A GOD DAMN TROLLER. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED![/B][img]http://www.redhotfiretruckevents.com/images/siren.gif[/img]
[QUOTE=CheeseMan;45713147][img]http://www.redhotfiretruckevents.com/images/siren.gif[/img][B] WARNING, WARNING, THIS IS A TROLLER ACCOUNT. THE DUDE ON THIS ACCOUNT IS A GOD DAMN TROLLER. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED![/B][img]http://www.redhotfiretruckevents.com/images/siren.gif[/img][/QUOTE] wtf
vent jerkwad come back to the gmf tia
[QUOTE=BrickInHead;45713255]vent jerkwad come back to the gmf tia[/QUOTE] let me get right on that
boy it has been such a while simcye he last facebpunch confessional i am was wondeting when it might was be back and now thta t is i am real excited for it. the conyent so far has been real great keep it up! Hello Ventilated!
holy shit the guinea pig and rabbit story made me fucking furious [editline]17th August 2014[/editline] going to bed before I shitpost due to furiousness hopefully the next batch is soon !!
take 3 [quote=John Doe]I like to think of myself as an artist. I like to think i'm good at art, and that maybe, in the future, i'll land a job as an artist somewhere nice. I like to think that maybe, things will end up ok for me, but in reality, I know that none of these things will ever come to fruition. The more I look at other peoples' art, the more lackluster mine becomes in comparison. I draw a rock, they draw Mount Rushmore. I draw a cat, they draw a hyper realistic tiger. The truth of the matter is, no matter how hard I try, i've always been behind the curve. There's always someone far better than me out there, and I'm beginning to realize that maybe i'm not meant to be an artist. But the thing is, I have a vivid imagination. Art is all I know for expressing it, and it's my life's passion. So, like, what should I do? I love doing what I do, but I'm never going to be good enough at it. I'm not good at anything else, nor do I have an interest in doing anything else for a living. It's all becoming a deeper and deeper spiral into a dark madness that's literally consuming my mind. I know confessions are for things you've done, not things you haven't, but I feel like I just need to get this off my back. If you're only good at one thing, but not good enough, what should you do?[/quote] No one is ever good enough despite the claim that it "takes seven years to become an expert at something." Doctors work in "practice," and artists create for themselves even when there's no work being commissioned. I had a similar outlook when I lost my job: "What if I'm not good enough?" But you know what? I'm damn good at what I do, all the projects I've done have been successful, but I don't have the massive catalog of work that other people do. So you know what I do? I keep trying to work, and keep doing my own projects, and keep adding different elements to it. Not only do I work with audio, but I've studied writing, and now I'm studying drawing. I'm no magnificent artist when it comes to drawing, but it gets the point across. Are my drawings ever as detailed as my writing? No, but that won't stop me from trying to hone my skill. Never. Stop. Trying. Unless you're really terrible. Then you might want to stop. [quote=John Doe]i am a male diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. the slang term for this is typically "psychopath" or "sociopath" (they mean the same thing). i've hurt and abused people emotionally and manipulated, lied, and cheated my way to a comfortable life. i've never killed anyone or seriously wanted to, so i'm not entirely dangerous as a person. i use people as tools for whatever i want, and i have no real friendships or relationships. my latest "nastiest" thing i've done is broke up a happy couple in order to sleep with the woman. without even talking to either of them as myself, i managed to convince her that the guy was cheating on her by making a fake facebook profile, convincing him to "meet" me somewhere, and then while he was driving to meet "me" i sent messages like "oh my god ur dick is sooo good!". then i messaged her and said something like (paraphrasing) "wtf!! i didnt know he had a gf!! doesnt matter, he likes me more (:". the next day she broke up with him and kicked him out of her place. a few days later i stalked her twitter until i could locate her (she said she was going to the library to relax and read) and i went there. i coincidentally bumped into her, and we started talking. eventually she invited me to her place, and she started kissing me all over and eventually gave me a blowjob. we had sex and i haven't talked to her since, seeing as she doesn't know my real name.[/quote] I feel like all of these "and then she gave me a blowjob" confessions are fake. uh... I would not be surprised if you one day wind up murdering your entire family. That's a really shitty thing to do, but as a sociopath you identified that before it even happened and you considered it justified. I imagine there are some other anxiety issues that you're suffering from if you're professionally diagnosed, and if you're self-diagnosed, like it probably is, then I have nothing else to say to you. [quote=Jane Doe]i have like a for egg laying? no clue where it came from, i'm baffled by it. eggs man. really good on bagels. and apparently, in my mind, for shoving up my cooter. why did i have to get the weird kinks, why don't i just have a foot fetish or something? instead my mind goes "nah" and is utterly repulsed by feet and thinks that laying eggs would be much hotter. in closing, i think eggs are both delicious and an appealing item to put in my vagina. i'm not putting food there though. that would be gross.[/quote] I have like a for egg laying too! There are tons of videos of women putting strange objects in themselves and then popping them out, or a distinct video of a woman ass in the air, hole spread wide that is used as a golf hole. Maybe that is a career path that you can follow? I'd suggest not putting raw eggs up your snatch though, that sounds like a sure-fire way to get salmonella, especially if you've been doing kegels... I wonder if the vagina muscles can crack an egg. Please write back confirming or denying. [quote=John Doe]Three for you: I often fantasize about certain other facepunchers. I imagine what it would be like to fuck them and for them to fuck me. I get off on this. Oh, and I have a major cuck fetish. I love me some big black bulls. I sucked my brothers dick when I was about 10, and he was 12. I am a guy.[/quote] 1. That's fine. Fantasizing about people is OK, there's nothing wrong with that. Someone once said "At any moment someone somewhere is masturbating while thinking about you." 2. There are forums specifically for cucks, their mistresses, and their masters. I only know about this from a weekend-web thread on SA. I'd suggest you look into that, then you can get your jollies reading about other peoples experiences licking dude-butt while said dude fucks the cuck's wife. 3. Probably fake incest submission, but if not then that's something. I remember a number of years ago on this very forum someone posted a video about two brothers who fell in love. They would fool around in their shared bedroom. Eventually they got caught and one of them killed himself. I may not be remembering it all very well, but it was a short film that wasn't a porno. Hopefully you grew out of that phase, or that it only happened once. It shouldn't have happened at all, but I assume that was your first gay experience. Perhaps you've come out of the closet since then and are in a happy relationship with another man now, who knows! [quote=John Doe]Forgot one: I've gone down to my local field a few times late at night, stripped completely naked and ran around. Like around 3:00 am. I stay there for a while completely naked, drinking in the scenery and ending with a good tug off. Haven't been caught yet.[/quote] I see no problem with this. I've heard that exhibition can be quite exhilarating. I've not partaken, but I've thought about it. Having sex on a hiking trail, or even skinny dipping in a lake late at night; usually that's how horror movies start, hence why I've refrained. [quote=John Doe]Okay. This is gonna be a rather odd one. Oh well, it's like the circus freak show so HERE WE GO BOYOS, ENJOY THE ENTERTAINMENT! I'm into Macrophilia. For those who don't know, basically I want to stick my dick into a lass that's like 50ft tall, or die trying. Very simple. Very crazy. Incoming funny ratings har de har har. Anyway, I've known about it since I was 14, been looking at macro stuff since I was 14, and as a result I can barely get turned on by anything that's not Macro/Micro, so my future's already fucked. And before you ask, I have popped a boner at a certain scene in Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Basically I hate myself for it (Or at least, I am after a cheeky wank lol), and I need advice, love, and a "lol nerde!!!!" comment from one of the gmf posters. - signed a guy who wants to shove his dick into a gargantuan cunt[/quote] lol nerde!!!! Hm... I know a guy who once told someone that he wanted to be a little man inside a giant vagina; I wonder if that guy is you. There's a video out there of a woman with a massive vagina (probably a prosthetic, but for the purposes I'm sure you'd enjoy it) who allows a bald man to try to stick his head up her cooch. I can't remember if he was successful or not, but you could probably have a little mano y mano with you're pecker to the vid. There are plenty of stranger fetishes out there. 50' women can be hot. IIRC there was something like that in [U]Dude, Where's My Car[/U]. At least you're not into anthropomorphic animals, or cartoon ponies. [quote=John Doe]I used to scam and lure people on runescape. But when I lost my whip once I cried so much I had to get my grandma to comfort me :(.[/quote] Not a big deal. I imagine it was pretty lucrative. I remember being a child and staying at my grandparents and being homesick. My brother was having surgery in another state, and my parents were with him (as they should have been). I was up at 2am bawling, woke up both my grandparents and was consoled by my grandmom. Grandmothers can comfort in a way that no one else can; it's probably that they raised one of your parents and have been on the planet for at least 50 years (estimate based on average parent age being 25 at birth). Having recently lost both of my grandmothers I regret not telling them that I loved them before they passed. I regret not having called them more even just to say hello. If your grandmom is still alive you should call her and thank her for comforting you for this and any other times that your life has been flipped turned upside down. [quote=John Doe]this one time my uncle devon maed me play wit his peepee place and than he plaied with my peepee and it hurted bad hed call me names like fagot but i didnt fagot things becauze i has gud memery [/quote] I've submitted this to child protective services. Your uncle Devon should be locked up. Judging by your spelling and grammar I'm assuming you're still a child, which means that Devon committed sexually based offenses that are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories. [media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL9K5XBAY6Q[/media]
This thread should be called "FP counselor" :v:
[QUOTE=SigmaLambda;45705739]One time I kissed a dog on the lips. Not sexually. It was for business.[/QUOTE] I read this in Babycakes' voice
So many of these seem fake
[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;45714945]So many of these seem fake[/QUOTE] Even if they are, they're interesting and/or disturbing to read.
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