Facepunch Anonymous Confessional: We know you stuck a banana in your ass
162 replies, posted
"QUATORZE" - Bono
[quote=John Doe]Nothing too juicy
Back in Primary school when I was in year 2 or 4 (my memory sucks) I helped out this girl who had brain damage, the severity of her condition I can't remember but she was an Asian girl who could speak English but was shocking at it.
I helped her out and was bullied for helping her by other students, often they referred to the fact we were going out simply because I held her hand as she had trouble walking without bruising herself (she had cuts in her arms and legs, it wasn't pretty)
I once fell victim of this bullying and decided to bully her once but felt absolutely terrible and made up for it by apologising and moving on. Most days she spent in the special ed section of the school which was 2 classrooms but she was also put into normal classes so she felt like a normal student.
What I found out was, she was suppose to be in high school in year 4 because she was kept down for such a long time. The school decided to migrate her to a sister high school just down the road and I think she did some class which got her up to scratch, not liked it matter.
I haven't saw her since.
To add on something, in year 6 and 7 there was this boy in year 2 who was deaf, could not speak (only make sounds) and may of had some form of retardation. I spent a lot of time with him to the point I was told to stop wasting my time. But he was always happy to see me, I couldn't understand him most times but I knew what he was trying to say. He was good company.
What I found out was, was that he was the son of the woman who manages the seniors at my high school. I heard from a few people she was trying to find the person who made her son so happy to go to school each day which was me. I've never confronted her, I just want to remain the anonymous hero. I hope her son is doing good and the girl I helped out is having a good life.
I honestly hope my actions did something, but I will never know. I just hope they're better and are enjoying life.
Thanks for listening
[/quote]
I'm sure that the young woman who you helped as a child has since forgiven and forgotten. It's always nice to hear people doing things to help those less fortunate, especially when they either don't receive recognition or receive criticism from your peers. Glad that you powered through it and still helped these kids out. You should try to reach out to that boy's mom just so you can say "I helped him X years ago, he's a nice kid."
[quote=John Doe]Using a throw away email that you posted when calling out a user about some dumb hl3 email.
I'm pretty much the easiest when it comes to flamebaiting. People can easily say so much shit about me on fp because of dumb shit I've done in the past and present, and I usually give a reaction. I used to not give a reaction, I would get pissed off but I wouldn't say anything, I would just take it. Now I just can't really take it and I'm basically giving reactions because I'm an emotional wreck + I'm tired at some of the shit people say. It's now like I'm freaking out over posts like "lol you're fucking dumb", I'm freaking out over harassment via visitor messages or steam messages or shit that doesn't get you banned.
Yeah I know I can easily block and ignore people who do that (but that usually still happens because other people and/or his friends join in because why not)
I save a bunch of logs and screenshots of people acting like this. I actually have a folder dedicated to it because it happens too often. I sometimes post about it when calling people out when they try to give me shit in a thread, but that usually results in people screaming "DRAMA" and/or more shit thrown at me.
idk I just felt like getting this off my chest[/quote]
IMO flamebaiting often winds up in hilarity. I'm guilty of having a history of being a troll, so I wouldn't be surprised if at some point in the past I pushed you to the point of flipping out and resulting in you being banned.
My suggestion would be to not take what people say on the internet seriously, which is an ironic statement since I'm offering it as advice. Do you react similarly in real life as you do when people call you names? That can't turn out good for you once you're an adult.
[quote=John Doe]So, I haven't been in many relationships in my life. But the majority of those I have been were over the internet. I'm worried that it isn't normal to form relationships this way and makes me seem like a shut in to my offline friends. I mean, I still care about whoever I date, but I always find it hard to explain it to my other friends. I guess I'm asking if it's a bad thing?[/quote]
Yes, it's a bad thing. You won't really learn how to interact in relationships if you only have them online. I'm assuming that you are meaning relationships with women since you also say "offline friends." It's easy to meet people in real life, and you shouldn't feel intimidated by women. Women are normal people too.
[quote=John Doe]when I was 15, I watched my 17 year old neighbor get dressed from across the yard in the morning before school.
my god her tits were amazing.[/quote]
So she was really the girl next door? If she still lives there and you still live in your parents basement you should try to hook up. Be like "I've already seen you naked," that'll surely win her over.
[quote=John Doe][QUOTE=FunkyHippo!;45704830]Sometimes, but not all the time, I will just eat a booger out of nowhere, for anyone wondering, it taste salty, or like butter. After eating the booger I kind of ask myself why I did this, kinda like when one masturbates and feels stupid afterwards for doing it in the first place, but always goes back to it because of some desire or addiction.
We're no better than apes.[/QUOTE]
I agree.[/quote]OK thanks for responding to yourself "FunkyHippo", stop wasting everyone's time you stupid cunt.
[quote=John Doe]Is this normal?
When I was around 5, I had sex parties with two of my female friends. We would remove our clothes and make our genitals touch and giggle (no penetration).
At around 7, my other female friend - who I've been friends with my entire life - started playing sex/domination games with me. I remember her locking the door to her room, putting on a skirt and telling me to lie on the ground. Then she stood over me, said something and pretended to have sex with me. It was pretty fun, but I don't think I really had a sex drive back then.
I still know two of these friends and we never talked about it.[/quote]
I mean those ages are the time for "I'll show you mine if you show me yours'." I know that at that age I had no idea what sex was. I knew what boobs were, but that was probably about it. You should ask these girls if they remember, and then ask if they want to try again.
[quote=John Doe]#1. craptasket is funny as all fuck
#2. everyone in SH (aside from emperor scorp and smurfy) are keyboard warriors and reddit users
#3. i am a compulsive liar
#4. half of the shit i say is made to bait and make people buttmad and to get an overall reaction
#5. most gold members are stupid elitist fucks who cant do anything right and must overcompensate for it
#6. this forum is fucking terrible and everyone on it is either a loser, outcast, fedora-fag, sjw, and its full of permavirgins- maybe thats why i love it.[/quote]
[email=null@null.null]Please stop wasting everyone's time. I hope that your e-mail is tied to an account on here and one of the mods decides to ban you for not wanting to be here.[/email]
[quote=John Doe]Don't really understand how to start, but fuck it, here goes.
First off: I am a guy, and I am a very avid anti-feminist.
I have this really weird fetish which is basically innocent boys being tortured / mutilated / killed by women for 'extremist feminist' reasons. I have no fucking idea what I even want from this fetish, because it's extremely specific. I have masturbated to "I Spit On Your Grave" countless times, pretending that she wasn't raped at all and was just killing dudes for the fuck of it, same with "Girls vs. Boys". It's pretty damn weird. Fetish extends to ballbusting and ruined orgasms and CBT and stuff although much of it is just too damn cheesy for me to jerk off too.
It's always irked me. I remember as a kid whenever I saw a girl kill a dude in a movie I would get this incredibly uncomfortable itch. I always thought of it as some sort of immature boys vs girls shit you'd see on the playground, but now I realize that it was actually a fetish.
I have literally never told a single soul about this. This is, actually, the first time I've ever told anyone about. Quite frankly it scares me, and every time I masturbate to the thought I often feel very confused, dirty and upset afterwards. Over the years I have become extremely anti-feminist and I think some of it is attributable to some form of mental defense mechanism.
Also I used to cum on my sisters shoes a lot.[/quote]
Anti-feminism sounds stupid. I think Joseph Gordon-Levitt has a good quote on feminism. Here it is in meme/macro form to help you understand:
[img]http://i.imgur.com/Gxud3Ct.jpg[/img]
This doesn't mean you can't be into BDSM, which afaik is one of the more popular fetishes out there. BDSM is relatively sane in comparison to copraphilia and other fucked up sexual deviances. Sounds like you'd be into things like the BME Pain Olympics, and other genital mutilation series which take BDSM to the extreme.
I've only heard of people cumming on shoes in movies... glad you've stopped, I guess?
[quote=John Doe]are you the real ventilated?[/quote]
[email=null@null.null]No, I'm just imitating. My real name is Marshall Mathers. Fuck you, Jenny.[/email]
[editline]17th August 2014[/editline]
oops i posted someone else's e-mail address!!
the "i'm a psychopath and i like to use people" ones always seem fake to me.
if you really have no emotions why are you telling people you're a psychopath.
[QUOTE=bunnyspy1;45717385]the "i'm a psychopath and i like to use people" ones always seem fake to me.
if you really have no emotions why are you telling people you're a psychopath.[/QUOTE]
to get mad Harley Quin pussy ofc.
[sp]harleyxivy otp[/sp]
[QUOTE=bunnyspy1;45717385]the "i'm a psychopath and i like to use people" ones always seem fake to me.
if you really have no emotions why are you telling people you're a psychopath.[/QUOTE]
The fact that you have no emotions doesn't mean that you behave 100% rationally. I suppose that even a psychopath may deliver pleasure from telling people about yourself, provided that he is safe and untracable.
I have a "friend" who is a sociopath, and I found out that many stereotypes about *-paths are fiction. They aren't robots, they just don't care about other people.
Plus, they are usually quite narcistic.
[QUOTE=bunnyspy1;45717385]the "i'm a psychopath and i like to use people" ones always seem fake to me.
if you really have no emotions why are you telling people you're a psychopath.[/QUOTE]
i actually cringe when i read these.
if whoever makes these are reading this post right now, i am laughing at you, go watch reruns of dexter, you twat.
If someone is able to acknowledge that they're mentally unable to consider the feelings of others then surely they have the ability to take a step back in a situation where they hurt someone and find out what they did wrong, then stop doing it? True sociopathy doesn't seem like something that you'd be able to have if you're able to acknowledge having it. Surely a sociopath's default reaction to the diagnosis would be denial and anger?
[QUOTE=Zeke129;45719345]If someone is able to acknowledge that they're mentally unable to consider the feelings of others then surely they have the ability to take a step back in a situation where they hurt someone and find out what they did wrong, then stop doing it? [/QUOTE]
Sure. But why would they do that? Like, give me one reason.
[editline]17th August 2014[/editline]
Look, sociopaths [i]can[/i] differentiate between good and evil, but they just [I]don't care[/I].
Almost all sociopaths cosider their disorder to be a blessing, since from their point of view it makes them superior to us in terms of being cold sonovabitches
as far as i understand sociopaths can still function a lot like us without any problems, they just don't have any feeling of empathy so they're capable of really bad things if they don't limit themselves. which is why it appeals to nerds because it makes them think that they're cool as ice for being socially inept and acting like a weird dick
[QUOTE=Zeke129;45719345]If someone is able to acknowledge that they're mentally unable to consider the feelings of others then surely they have the ability to take a step back in a situation where they hurt someone and find out what they did wrong, then stop doing it? True sociopathy doesn't seem like something that you'd be able to have if you're able to acknowledge having it. Surely a sociopath's default reaction to the diagnosis would be denial and anger?[/QUOTE]
Having the ability to do something doesn't equate to choosing to do so though. If they simply don't give a rat's ass about other people and are extremely narcissistic then what motivation do they have to actually try and change?
[QUOTE=Kirbyfactor;45714945]So many of these seem fake[/QUOTE]
I've lived throught a lot of situations that would seem like bullshit when I talk about it, you shouldn't be so pessimistic. I think most of these are real, the world is crazier than you think.
yo airconditiond you should maybe not be so snarky about your responses. lots of them are trash tbh
Dear Mods,
Please change my username to "Dear Facepunch."
Maybe some other folks can respond?
Other users, [B][U][highlight]if you want to respond to a confession anonymously[/highlight][/U][/B] please send an e-mail to [email]fpanonconf@gmail.com[/email] with any subject, but be sure to put, above the body of the e-mail, quote tags around the confession you're responding to.
[quote=John Doe]I'm 25 years old and have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, I haven't even seen a pair of tits besides porn videos
I still live with my parents and have never even had a job
Help me :([/quote]
Hey bud, there's still time. If you're interested I'm sure you can find someone, even if it's a visit to a brothel you can at least tick one of those statements off your list.
If your mother breastfed you then you saw a pair of tits, or at least one at a time.
On the girlfriend front, i know a lot of people have had success with online dating, maybe you're just not trying the right communities?
The job market is tough, maybe you should get a job at a local market or fast food joint, those are good intro jobs. I worked at a deli for five of my teen years, and worked with several people considerably older than I. Sure it sucks, but you've gotta start somewhere. Maybe after you get one of those jobs you can stop being a basement dwelling troll by moving into the basement of your own house or apartment and stop relying on your parents hospitality. After that, who knows, maybe the women will flock to you if you personality doesn't totally suck.
[quote=John Doe]I used to have a ~really~ big crush on someone I've known for 2-3 years now. And I really wanted to be with this particular person because he meant the world to me, super kind and a lovely person. Now a few months back he actually asked me out and of course I said "Yes" to his question, but not before I asked and made sure that he, himself was 100% positive on being with me. He said he was. (He knows that I had a real big crush on him). Anyhow fast forward 1 day ahead, on my birthday. I had a good birthday, that was until it was night time. A friend of him adds me on Steam (Let's call this friend John). John tells me that my boyfriend basically wants to be with John instead, and he basically breaks up with me on my birthday. I'm quite the.. sensitive person and I take relationships seriously. So my boyfriend broke up with me on my birthday. This hurt me badly and it took hard on me for several months.
I did finally let it go and forgave both of them. Yet I still have this feeling that it was some sort of fucked up joke that was planned on me. I dunno what to do. I mean I'm happy now again, I got a lovely boyfriend who had a crush on me and asked me out, we've been together for ~2 weeks now and it's going swell. But I still have the feeling regarding my EX. The feeling that it was some damn joke for laugh.
Thanks for reading![/quote]
It took me until you said the friend was John for me to understand that you were male, I apologize for feminizing you.
I'm not sure of your age, but I know as a kid aged like 12-14 or so that short term relationships (read "lasting one day") are disconcerting. I remember being 12 and "dating" a girl for a couple days without realizing the commitment, not to mention the fact that I had zero interest in this girl. Breaking up with her was tough, and might have sent her in a downward spiral. Now, more than 10 years later I don't even think about it, and I'm sure she doesn't either. We were children. Even if she's in a bad way, and it is somehow my fault I'm sure it's one of the furthest things from both of our minds. (brb while I see if she's on facebook)
Kids make mistakes involving relationships, and this could have been one of his. Responding that he wanted to date you, but for John to come along the next day and make his intentions known and your crush to realize that he liked John more. It's best not to think that it's a cruel joke, especially as you're dating someone new that had a crush on you ;)
It's best not to call him an "EX" since you only "dated" for a day. You did not provide the length of time between your ill-fated relationship and your new one, but I assume that it was a short amount of time; which further leads me to believe that you are a child, especially as you're speaking in terms of days and weeks in regard to your relationships. Emotions can change on a whim.
[quote=John Doe]I've spent $440 on furry art commissions in the last month. Mostly fetish porn.
Attached is a picture of Nick Cage.
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/Z635vwM.png[/IMG][/quote]
Stop wasting your money on stupid shit that you can get online for free. It doesn't have to be your exact fetish of seeing a dog getting tied up by a dragon with his ding-dong being thrust all the way through his body creating a visible bulge in the front of the dog's body until finally being visible in the back of the dogs throat followed by the dragon cumming and creating a doggy snow dragon.
Isn't free better than all that dosh that could be better spend adding to your dragon dildo collection?
Also: there are obviously two pictures there, so I call fake.
[quote=Jane Doe]Glad to have you back, vent. I thought about sending this in the last time, but I chickened out.
I'm at a point in my life where I really don't know who I am anymore. Ever since my early teenage years I've yearned to be female, but growing up in the southern United States has put a damper on anything in that regard: hooray for money and being ostracized from society, right? I don't know why, it's just something that's always been in my mind. On good days I can suppress it, but anything less than decent I hate myself and everything about me. I've never talked with any support groups because for now I just live with being male and I'm afraid I wouldn't be considered "truly" transgender. I'm 22 now and there's two things I fear most with transitioning if I ever choose to go down that road:
1) It's probably way too late for me to do anything about it as my jawline, face, and body developed pretty masculine..-ly?
2) By doing so, I'd pretty much lose my friends or at the very least damage our relationships.
My girlfriend is bisexual and probably wouldn't care either way, but I'm too scared to talk to her or anyone. In fact this would be the first time I'm saying anything about it, so hello there.
Anyways, just wanted to get that out. Thanks for your time.[/quote]
Did you see what I did there? I called you JANE DOE instead of JOHN DOE, because I recognize and accept your gender dysphoria.
1) It's never too late if this is something that could improve your quality of life in the long term. [url=http://www.thetransgendercenter.com/index.php/videos/102-worlds-oldest-transgender-surgery-patient-cbs-tv-interviews-dr-sherman-leis.html]Here's a story about a former dude who became a tranny at 76! (first google result for terms "oldest transgender")[/url] As you will see, there are surgeries that exist to make your face and features more feminine if at some point in your transition you think you still look too masculine. And no shit your body developed masculinely, you've presently got a frank & beans between your legs (which you could probably keep if you wanted to? I'm not up to date on all the tranny rules).
2) If you lose these friends or your relationships get damaged then those people aren't worthy of your time. The ones who matter are family, if you're close, and those that you love and care about deeply. I don't know how long your girlfriend and you have been together, but I recently heard about the lead singer of Against Me! who recently went through transition and remains with her wife; they have been married since 2007, when Laura Jane Grace was Thomas James Gabel, so it's totally possible for a significant other to keep on keepin' on in the relationship.
It also depends on where you live in the south. I know some states will likely be harder to live in than others especially during your second "awkward years" as you go through transition. You can move to a more accepting area at some point, and live comfortably with your new name and gender identity.
Facepunch is, or at least was the last time I was a user here, generally very accepting of people dealing with gender identity issues. There was once, and may still be, a thread dedicated to the topic. Those users may be better suited to help you, and if you want to get in touch with them via e-mail or PM using the forums I'm sure we can arrange that.* If you give me the OK I'll try to get you in touch with anyone who can provide more info. I, however, won one of the genetic lotteries in utero and am what many people would call "cis scum" so all of my knowledge on the subject is from articles that appear in such glamorous places as "The Huffington Post", "The New York Times", and "TIME", and maybe a little googling.
*Any of those users reading this thread, send me a PM or e-mail @ [email]fpanonconf@gmail.com[/email] and I will try to get you in touch.
[editline]18th August 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Pyoro;45723991]yo airconditiond you should maybe not be so snarky about your responses. lots of them are trash tbh[/QUOTE]
i'll keep it in mind
[editline]here's me keeping it in mind[/editline]
jk
Yeah, no offense to you but I'm not really liking the 'anonymous confessional advice' when the anonymity is destroyed whenever you think it'll be funny (although it usually is pretty funny), some of the advice sounds like sarcastic GMF shitposting, and you can't confess a whole lot without worrying that your anonymity will be removed or that the advice will be passive-aggressive mocking.
This one above me was great though, I have more of an issue with "whooops i posted someones email!!!!"
There's a mod conspiracy going on, they edited out the e-mail addresses. jk I did it because I thought better of it to maintain anonymity.
If you read the above you might see less mockery and also the opportunity to respond to others anonymously because why didn't I think of that earlier?
I will, however, be vetting the responses for real advice and/or humor value. plz undrstnd bby
[editline]this doesn't show up with nothing between the editlines so this is some bullshit to make the bold editline appear. thx 4 undrstndng[/editline]
In regards to the mocking tone, that's a given if you've read any of the confessionals that I've handled in the past. If the forum as a majority just wants the confessions posted with no response I will be happy to oblige.
humor value doesnt necessarily mean being outright rude. i get where youre coming from but man this isnt the place to be funny farming
[editline]18th August 2014[/editline]
most of your responses are really good tho.
[QUOTE=airconditiond;45724023]There was once, and may still be, a thread dedicated to the topic. Those users may be better suited to help you, and if you want to get in touch with them via e-mail or PM using the forums I'm sure we can arrange that.*[/QUOTE]
The thread is [url=http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1250263]here[/url]. And if they're uncomfortable posting on their main account it's not very uncommon for someone to make an alt specifically for the purpose of posting there.
[QUOTE=Pyoro;45724095]humor value doesnt necessarily mean being outright rude. i get where youre coming from but man this isnt the place to be funny farming
[editline]18th August 2014[/editline]
most of your responses are really good tho.[/QUOTE]
Couldn't care less about ratings. Go ahead and rate every post dumb and have fun watching me not caring. Do it, I dare you! I double dog dare you! I triple dog dare you![QUOTE=Alice3173;45724145]The thread is [url=http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1250263]here[/url]. And if they're uncomfortable posting on their main account it's not very uncommon for someone to make an alt specifically for the purpose of posting there.[/QUOTE]
Thanks. I hope that the user who submitted that confession sees this and visits, even if only to browse.
Trannies of facepunch, please don't take a fence to my saying "tranny", and please feel free to correct or add to my response. I'm not well versed on the subject and don't intend to offend!
[QUOTE]I'm 25 years old and have never had a girlfriend, never had sex, I haven't even seen a pair of tits besides porn videos
I still live with my parents and have never even had a job
Help me :([/QUOTE]
Get tinder or okcupid or something. Probably the easiest ways to get a hookup in your area without doing much. Just find a bunch of good photos of yourself and slap on a reasonable bio. If you do that you're good to go
Good luck on your quest on the hunt for the cunt
[QUOTE=fruxodaily;45725105]hunt for the cunt[/QUOTE]
Coming soon to a multiplex near you.
[quote=John Doe]So, I know that you and most people in the thread don't believe a lot of things sent in, but I feel like that's a good thing. It's the peoples' lack of trust in what's sent in combined with the anonymity that allow me to give an actual confession that most people will write off as false, even though it's entirely true. It will give me a sense of relief and that's enough for me. Now, on to the confession.
I am 23 years old and my sister is 20. Those are our current ages, but what I did started when I was 18. We live in a small house, just me, my sister, and my mom in a small house (only a living room, 2 bedrooms, and an attic) in pretty much nowhere. There's another house but it's like a quarter of a mile away. So, I started getting into women pretty late, because the people I loved the most were my sister and mom and I could never think of sexualizing either of them. It was when I was about 16 that a girl at school really made me start thinking sexually (she was a slut that kept showing me cleavage and showed her tits to me after school once; nothing romantic).
I also imagine you thinking "but you would have a computer with porn and naked ladies on it!!". Well, like I said, we lived in a small house and couldn't afford a computer, much less an internet connection. It wasn't until I got my first job at 17 that I was able to pay for a computer and internet connection myself (got one for my sister and mom too, albeit they weren't as good) that I first stumbled upon pornography. I think it was a week before I was addicted to it. It was like an infinite supply of naked ladies to quench my ever-flourishing libido. It started with softcore ladies then moved into hardcore fantasies. Even though I still couldn't look at my mom or sister sexually, I was attracted to like every girl besides them.
A year of this porn addiction, going deeper and deeper into uncharted and unrevealable territory (and getting laid by 3 sluts over the course of that school year; it was a good year), I started to, as I call it now, morally devolve. The hardcore fantasies and things didn't quench it as much as before and I started to delve into the bad stuff, like trap porn, exhibitionism, gang bangs, and private sex tapes. I even saw a few rape videos. I felt like the badder it was, the more exciting it was. I just wanted the baddest experiences possible, and that's what got me off. Eventually, and this is the complete truth, I started to become attractive to my mom and sister. Incest, to me, was up there with rape. It was illegal, dangerous, and morally evil. Even though I could never rape anybody, I thought it was okay to just be attracted to them.
I remembered the date of the next event very well, as it was the day that I felt was the biggest mistake I could have made. May 14th, 2009, 3 months and 12 days (fuck math) after my 18th birthday, I decided to buy a small, wireless camera from future shop and conceal it in the shower. I positioned it so that it gave a top down view of the inside of the shower and concealed with some hand towels and a bottle of shampoo neither of them liked. I watched and recorded them every time they took a shower and jacked off to it. I don't recall ever being aroused that much in my entire life (even now). I fantasized as I watched them and jacked off and it's like something snapped inside me. Eventually, I started using their panties and bras as clean up items for these sessions (I did all the chores so it was easy to get away with it).
I was so indescribably attracted to them both that I couldn't take it. After 2 years of doing this, I decided that just watching wasn't enough. On another landmark date in my life, I took another step. The night of March 5th, 2011, while my sister was asleep in her own room (my mom thought that we deserved separate rooms, so she slept on the couch), I snuck in to her room (which only made it more exciting for me, as the suspense of getting caught was turning me on before I even opened the door). I went inside, and I heard her snoring and mumbling stuff that I couldn't understand. I took off her blanket, and lo and behold, I had crossed the threshold. There was no way I could resist doing what I had set when I had left my room when I had found out that my sister slept naked. I looked at her, a 6 inch bulge protruding from my pants. Blood was flowing through my veins like nothing I ever experienced. I made sure to keep paying attention to her incase she seemed to be waking up.
This next part I won't describe, but I will say that it was probably the most enjoyable part of my life. I never put my dick inside her, as you are probably imagining, but I molested the fuck out of her in every way. Then I covered her up and went back to my room. I'm amazed to this day that I didn't get caught. Even though it was 3 years ago, it was the only time I had ever done anything like that. I think that once was enough to last me a life time, because I can still remember the feeling of molesting her and feeling her naked body. She was my sister, my family, and it was the most arousing sexual fantasy I can think of come to life (except maybe fucking her).
So, believe it or not, I don't care. I'm just glad I can finally tell someone about it after all these years. I've had to keep it bottled up all this time, but this release is just great. Thank you.[/quote]
This sounds like the plot to countless pornos. "Guy Molests Sister While Jerking It", "Guy Accidentally Fucks His Mom", etc...
You're not the first person to confess in one of these about cleaning up or masturbating with siblings/parents underthings, so that's not TOTALLY fucked up in the grand scheme of fucked up scenarious (that's scenarios and serious combined).
Molesting your sister is pretty fucked up though, and I bet you she awoke during it and knew that you did it, or knew that something was amiss the next day. What else I don't understand is why you dog-eared that date in your memory. I can't remember the date that I lost my virginity aside from the fact that I was fourteen and it was early in the school year.
My advice would be to try and push this out of your memory because it's fucked up, unless it turns out that your sister was adopted when you were both young and you're not actually related to her, in which case you should definitely try to tap that.
Go back to the good old fashioned sluts, maybe find some milfs on adultfriendfinder that you can enact scenarios where they pretend to be your mom, or girls who look kind of like your sister to pretend to be your sister. That way you can put yourself in the mindset that it's taboo without actually doing things that are taboo... like molesting your sister in her sleep...
[quote=John Doe]it started around 2010 iirc. i basically collect the hottest pics of girls i like and know personally and edit them into a collage of some sort. i make sure it fits my screen perfectly and i load them up into a slideshow viewer. thats how i get off. it culminated into a masterpiece of mine that keeps on improving as time passes by and they upload more pictures (especially when summer comes, dem bikini pics). porn is actually pretty boring for me and i only enjoy it when it looks like one of my "collections" and i watch the video with the girl they resemble on the side.
i am actually pretty good friends with some of the girls in my "collection", ive even dated (and had sex with) 2 of them. when i had sex with those 2, it felt surreal because i imagined that previously i was just jacking off to them and now here i am getting my cock sucked by the girls i lust for so much. anyway, besides these 2 ive dated, i know a few of them (and i mean a few, maybe 2 or 3) have a crush on me but i havent made a move or anything. im too pussy i guess. anyway thats besides the point. no one else knows about this shit and i keep the files in a protected file, some truecrypt passworded shit. i like to make the names of the psds and the pngs very degrading or vulgar. like, this one girl has a really pretty face and nice lips, and when i jack off to her i imagine her sucking me off. so i named her "Jane Doe the cocksucker". it makes it so much more satisfying.
i am a pretty normal person socially (my saying this probably doesnt help but eh). i have interactions with some people in my collection everyday. it's normal. nothing sexual or anything, and it feels great. i dont know how to explain really, maybe i enjoy that i get to get away with it? like, i let out my semen while looking at you, you just dont know. something like that. it's crazy i guess.
i especially enjoy it when they lightly flirt with me. not to boast but i look good i guess? and i go to the gym, etc, and im pretty confident in my manner but i suck shit with getting things serious. superficial shit but it works. anyway, usually when someone does that i will jack off to her that night. reading this whole creepy shit of mine it looks pretty tame and boring as opposed to the stuff other people submit but whatever. heck i dont even feel that it's THAT creepy. and its harmless too. i think? well, it feels good sharing this. i wonder if anyone else does this? [/quote]
This really isn't that fucked up. As I said in an earlier response:
[QUOTE=airconditiond;45713801]
1. That's fine. Fantasizing about people is OK, there's nothing wrong with that. Someone once said "At any moment someone somewhere is masturbating while thinking about you."[/quote]
Even with the "extremes" that you take it to, I think that's fine. Your mind is a private place where you can imagine whatever you want. A teacher that you've got the hots for but you're only 15 and in high school making any real relationship illegal is totally legal in your mind.
[quote=John Doe]I masturbate to animal porn and I don't know why
Dolphins are also really hot[/quote]
I will never understand the appeal of "animal porn" either bestiality or drawings of anthropomorphized animals.
If you think dolphins are also really hot you might want to check out [url=http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1215125]this thread I made back in 2012[/url] about having real life sex with real life dolphins. I've not done it, but I consider myself somewhat of an expert on the subject since I've read the website I talk about there several times because it's hilarious!
Anyone can feel free to bump that thread to bring it back into everyone's thoughts. Mods should just sticky it forever tbch.
[quote=John Doe]Hey just wanted to say thanks for the advice, I appreciate it heartfully.
And just saying but you're very right on what you said, even the EX part. I'm 19 years old. May sound dumb but.. yeah that's me.[/quote]
This is a response from the person that submitted [url=http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1418112&p=45724023&viewfull=1#post45724023]the second confession of my fifth post[/url]
I don't know how long you've been "dating" people, but seeing as you're 19 then it's been at least three years? When I was 19 I was with this girl who I dated for a year and a half. She was a complete nutjob, and I'm glad I'm not with her anymore.
Glad you found solace in my advice, keep on truckin'.
[quote=John Doe]Last week I was staying at a female coworkers house of the same age while i was between rentals. We were flirting around all week and only mildly messed around on the last day she was there. She had to go out of town and let me stay in her place even though she wasn't there.
I totally dug through all her bedroom stuff looking for toys and rubbed my dick all over her panties and shit. I feel bad, because I kinda like her. But its still kinda fucked up.[/quote]
Did you find any toys and then smell them to see what her insides smelled like? That'd make this more fucked up. I imagine you stole a pair of panties or two, which is relatively normal. Perhaps you can keep the relationship going after she returns and you've found a place to live. Be careful though, in some workplaces inter-office romance is against the rules and can result in both of your terminations.
My advice would be to keep fooling around with her and get yourselves fired, then kill yourselves. Best possible outcome according to 4/5 researchers.
[QUOTE=airconditiond;45713801]take 3
Hm... I know a guy who once told someone that he wanted to be a little man inside a giant vagina; I wonder if that guy is you.
There's a video out there of a woman with a massive vagina (probably a prosthetic, but for the purposes I'm sure you'd enjoy it) who allows a bald man to try to stick his head up her cooch. I can't remember if he was successful or not, but you could probably have a little mano y mano with you're pecker to the vid. There are plenty of stranger fetishes out there. 50' women can be hot. IIRC there was something like that in [U]Dude, Where's My Car[/U]. At least you're not into anthropomorphic animals, or cartoon ponies.
[/QUOTE]
Probably late, but it's okay. I have this fetish, and I have a lot of friends who share this too. It's actually very common, and it plays into a lot of other fetishes
[quote=John Doe]hey fp you lookin fine 2nite bbz
but yeah confessions (of a weird and sexual nature)
last friday - when there was nobody in the house - i brought a bucket of flour and water as well as a half finished bowl of pancake batter from the day before into the bathroom and dumped it all over myself.
then had a wank in the mess. i recorded it all with the camera also present in the room - just to see what it looked like from a third person perspective (now very much deleted) (had a wank to that as well later).
yeah i've had a pretty major wet and messy fetish for as long as i remember.
(watching nickelodeon as a kid was... confusing). i've been getting myself intentionally messy for like 3 or 4 years now - with homemade slime mostly but outdoors with deep mud when it's warm.
to make matters slightly more interesting - i'm also asexual. this is pretty much the only thing that i can get off to.
pretty sure nobody has caught me in the act yet - i've been keeping it a secret for so long it'd feel wrong to tell people at this point. nobody knows this side to me and you know what? i am pretty okay with that.
*drops mic*[/quote]When I saw "flour and water" I thought you were going to say that you accidentally glued your hand to your dick.
I'm not sure I believe in asexuality. And I don't understand the appeal of getting messy.
Why don't you just jack off and jizz all over yourself. That'd get you plenty messy, right? Rather than waste the family flour and pancake batter.
[quote=Jane Doe]So yeah I guess I'm an sex addict. Up to a point it keeps fucking up my relationships with people I care and I don't know what to do about it I just can't handle myself. I'm not really sure where it started but I just had my eyes opened cause one time my ex boyfriend yelled at me that why do I need to have sex with everyone I know. And I mean I really gave it thought and I realized pretty much everyone I had as my friend I managed to have sex with them at some point of knowing them. Casual sex is not wrong I think and I mostly have been faithful when in relationships and when I fuck up I always told my partner and let them decide if they still want to be with me. But I still feel so wrong that I actually have to ask every partner to make me a list of rules of what I'm allowed to do with other people and I always try to get them to agree with me being allowed to do whatever I want.
I've had a new boyfriend now for a while but just recently I was somewhere alone and I met someone nice and we got close and I really wanted to fuck him, I just kept thinking about how upset my bf would be and stuff and I managed to not have sex with him, but I felt awful afterwards for missing out.
I mostly spend time just inside either alone or with my bf so I try not to see other people too much even as friends cause I don't want to lose him.
I don't really know, I just suck so much. Literally.[/quote]
Not sure if you're male or female, but since you talk about boyfriends and make no indication of your sex I'm assuming female.
A general rule of thumb is that you shouldn't be doing anything with other people when you're in a relationship.
I had a friend in college who dated this girl for a while who was a nymphomaniac, and would jump him multiple times a day. He broke up with her because it was too much. Never thought I'd hear about someone breaking up with someone else because of having too much sex, but I guess it's possible.
Telling your partner never makes up for the fact that it happened. You're a scummy person, and it's surprising that you are in any relationships. "I managed to not have sex with him," this is fucking ridiculous. If you're going to be tempted or want to fuck people then you might as well be single and fuck everyone and keep it casual.
This confession, more than any other, has rustled my jimmies.
[quote=John Doe]I find younger girls attractive, I'm not talking kids, but certainly not done with puberty. I'm 16 currently, and I jack off to girls who are at the youngest, 13. I'm assuming that this is something that will go away with time. Anyway, my thing with younger girls has got me into a couple of bad situations. I'm legal by my country's laws, but obviously girls in that age bracket aren't. My most recent relationships are with girls younger than me, let's call them A, B and C.
A)I fell in love with a 14 year old (one of the youngest in the school year bellow me) who iirc turned 15 while we were going out. By fell in love with, I mean I would have done anything for her, she was the first girl I ever really cared about like that (I wish she wasn't.) She turned out to be a legitimately shite human being who made me want to die. I woke up every morning, and I wished I hadn't. Sounds edgy as shit I know, but she stressed me out so much that I couldn't eat properly, and fucked with my emotions on a daily basis. Now she haunts me, she could fuck my life up pretty badly if people found out what went on between us, I only fingered her, but she's manipulative enough to get me into some serious legal shit.
B)The next girl was also 14, one of the oldest in her year, 2 school years younger than me. We just used to chill out and watch anime together, and I went out with her to help me get over the aforementioned shit. We didn't go out for that long because I really just wanted a distraction. We never did anything sexual, and for this I am glad.
C)The last girl was 15,(a school year younger than me) although she was misleading as hell. Like a vulture, I pick on the weak, Girl A was suffering from depression, and B was just unpopular and lonely. I met C on blahtherapy, RP'd some kinky shit, and added her on skype. At the time she told me she was 17, then 16, then later on 15, not exactly fair on me. Anyway, I sent her some dick pics, and she sent me some stuff that I do not have copies of on my PC for obvious reasons. We broke up, but still talk so she's not going to fuck me over any time soon.
tl;dr I end up in legally compromising situations because I think with my dick.
So yeah Vent/ people reading the thread, what sort of advice or help could you throw my way? Apart from the obvious "stop trying to get pussy off of people who aren't legal" maybe a "don't worry, as you get older, you like older women" or something, idk.
Also, I may send more stuff in later on if this goes down well (see gets laughs) I get into some pretty depraved shit as you may have been able to guess[/quote]
I've never really been into girls a lot younger than me. The largest age difference in girls I've dated has been three years in either direction, so it's been legal by any means.
I've found that as I get older I find older women more attractive. Helen Mirren is one of, if not the, most extreme examples of hot older women since she's 69!
Some thirteen year olds can look pretty mature for their age. I, for one, have not been attracted to a thirteen year old since I was thirteen.
At 16 dating someone who is 14 or 15 isn't terrible, I don't see a problem with it. If you were 18 and they were 14 then it's pushing the limit. In the US 18 is legal, but there's also a three year grace period. If you're 18 and dating a 15 year old and you bone, it could still be statutory rape since they're not of legal consenting age, but it's not really that weird for you two to be dating.
You're not beating your meat to thirteen year olds, you're doing it to the thought of them, right? You don't hire children to strip for you so you can get your jollies, I hope.
Both you and the 15 year old are at fault for distributing child pornography btw. It's good that you don't have copies on your PC, but you should probably delete the copies that you have elsewhere. That shit is not good to hold onto. I remember being 14 and a girl that I had "dated" at 13 was like "I'm thinking about doing nude modeling" and sent me some photos of her (also 14). I looked, then deleted. I don't think that's too bad because we were the same age, but if I still had them now it'd be weird since A) she was a child and B) it was over ten years ago.
Men/boys are usually immature, and women/girls often more mature than their age, which probably puts you on a relatively level playing field with girls who are a year or two younger than you. I don't see a problem with it, just don't get caught doing something that their parents wouldn't want you to do to their teenage daughter.
[quote=John Doe]I tore off the tag on my mattress that said "Do Not Remove"[/quote]
[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/XvSu1Og.gif[/IMG]CALL THE MATTRESS TAG POLICE[IMG]http://i.imgur.com/XvSu1Og.gif[/IMG]
We've got a criminal on our hands to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law.
[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95ZgkTHQBUI[/media]
[quote=John Doe]Before I get to the actual confession iteself I just wanna say that this might come off as highly desperate or absolutely pathetic.. But either way I need to confess it.
I'm a person who's diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. And I have trouble with simple stuff like holding a damn pencil correctly.. I am however good with games and it's my main hobby. I love video games especially Team Fortress 2 which I mostly if not always play.
I'm a sucker for TF2 items and I always love seeing new items get into the game. However it's also a dream of mine to get my very own Self-made. But it just hurts me thinking about it since I can't really get one. I don't have the attention span for modelling or texturing. I've tried hard but failed. The only possibly thing I can somewhat do is concept art or badly made sketches. It would mean the damn world to me to get my very own self-made item. It sounds dumb I know but I am a big TF2 fan and I love all items that get into the game. I have only one concept art idea but I am too damn scared to add a Item creator and talk about my concept art. I am so scared to do it.
What makes me even more sad is the fact that I had the chance to actually get my wish/dream come true. A close friend of mine told me that he'd put me in "Contributors list" on a item which got into the game. Problem is he couldn't add me due to you can't edit that list once you put it on the TF2 Workshop. Only way he'd add me is if he re-submit the submission. I had the chance to get my dream fulfilled but it was quickly shattered and it hurts me knowing I had a chance. Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy that my friend got his item in the game!
I dunno what I should do, try and add a item creator and talk about my idea?
Thanks.[/quote]
Do you also suffer from ADD or ADHD in addition to ass burgers? The way it sounds is that your "lack of attention span" translates to "lack of practice."
I don't know who the great model makers are on this forum anymore, but I remember years ago seeing, and being inspired by, Dav0r's models. I'm sure that he only got as good as he is through practice.
Don't give up on your silly dream of getting an item into TF2 simply because you're not good enough at modeling yet.
Modeling also isn't the only thing that you can do for TF2 or video games. As you said you could maybe be a concept artist, but you also said "badly made sketches", so no one will want your shitty "toaster gun that fires hamsters that are on fire" drawings. There's also mapping, which there's a decent sized mapping community on here, and involved with TF2. You could try that, although in my experience hammer isn't the easiest app to use. You could learn to code, or do any number of things and still work with video games. Since you have booty patties you might want to look into coding since AFAIK it's a more isolated process where you're alone. Again, to be good at any of these jobs you need to practice and not get too frustrated with yourself when things either don't go right or take too long to do. No one gets everything perfect the first time around.
I don't know what "a item creator" is, but that probably couldn't hurt.... or it could hurt a lot because "a item creator" could steal your idea and leave you in the dust. Either way, I don't really care. Hope this helps!
[quote=John Doe]is it normal/common to have difficulty maintaining an erection after putting on a condom? this is my first sexual relationship I've been it, and I've had actual intercourse sex with the girl I'm with about 3 times now. every time after I put the condom on my dick starts getting softer and then it's only a matter of time before my poor peen gets too flaccid to penetrate my gf's vagina. I really don't think I have erectile dysfunction or anything as I'm only 17 and when I don't have a condom on I have no issues staying hard. my girlfriend thinks that having sex with her turns me off which is really not true at all, but I totally get why she thinks that. it's embarrassing as fuck when we're having nice sexy times and she askes me to fuck her and then I try to and my peen just goes limp after a few minutes. what gives? I feel like the condoms I've been using (trojan ultra thins) might just be too small for my dick (not saying I'm incredibly well endowed or anything, I'm around 6.5" and not a whole lot in terms of girth) and maybe the condoms are cutting off my circulation. is this normal? should I try out magnums or something? pls help ;~;[/quote]
Your dick's broke, get it amputated stat.
Uh how long are you waiting after putting the condam on? You do know you're not supposed to wear them all day, right?
General rule of thumb is foreplay, then as soon as the condam is on you pop your peen in her pussy.
Condams are a really a "one size fits all" situation; some men will have the issue of the condam being too big for their ding dong much more frequently than too small. Magnums are actually the exact same size as the rest of Trojan's condoms, the name is simply there so they can charge a few cents more and make the person buying them feel a little bit better about themselves.
Condoms do "ruin the feeling" a bit, but it's not like you'd know that since you've probably never had unprotected sex, and there's not a problem with that. I don't want to know all the juicy details, but you're probably just doing it wrong tbh, or you should consult a doctor.
I've heard that cockrings can help to maintain woodies, so you might want to pick one of those up? Not sure if that would help the fact that you lose your stiffy as soon as you put it in a poncho.
I think I'm going to have to stick with my first suggestion. Just cut your losses by becoming a eunuch.
[QUOTE=LordCrypto;45704375]this is literally the best day in fp history[/QUOTE]
Nah, Idiot Cull days were much more glorious.
In response to the condom dude, I have heard of guys getting this problem and in the past back when I first started using condoms I found that I was never as hard with a condom as I am without (gf on pill so don't us anymore) because of the feel of material on my dick. However I went up a size and that helped somewhat, plus my confidence and experience in sex and whatnot improved so that helped.
[QUOTE]hey fp you lookin fine 2nite bbz
but yeah confessions (of a weird and sexual nature)
last friday - when there was nobody in the house - i brought a bucket of flour and water as well as a half finished bowl of pancake batter from the day before into the bathroom and dumped it all over myself.
then had a wank in the mess. i recorded it all with the camera also present in the room - just to see what it looked like from a third person perspective (now very much deleted) (had a wank to that as well later).
yeah i've had a pretty major wet and messy fetish for as long as i remember.
(watching nickelodeon as a kid was... confusing). i've been getting myself intentionally messy for like 3 or 4 years now - with homemade slime mostly but outdoors with deep mud when it's warm.
to make matters slightly more interesting - i'm also asexual. this is pretty much the only thing that i can get off to.
pretty sure nobody has caught me in the act yet - i've been keeping it a secret for so long it'd feel wrong to tell people at this point. nobody knows this side to me and you know what? i am pretty okay with that.
*drops mic*[/QUOTE]
Do you ever aspire to become a baker one day, by any chance?
[QUOTE=LuaChobo;45735614]specially made donuts[/QUOTE]
Immediately thought of this:
[url=http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/news/a20208/doughnut-on-penis/]I Ate a Doughnut Off My Boyfriend's Penis and It Was Awesome[/url]
[B]Woop! woop![/B] [I]That's the sound of da police![/I]
What a tune.... Anyway...
So far this thread is pretty mild. I mean. You can't actually be honest about reasonably serious confessions online. People have the potential to get your confession. Learn your secrets.
[QUOTE=Kardia;45739559][B]Woop! woop![/B] [I]That's the sound of da police![/I]
What a tune.... Anyway...
So far this thread is pretty mild. I mean. You can't actually be honest about reasonably serious confessions online. People have the potential to get your confession. Learn your secrets.[/QUOTE]
What? People can send in whatever the hell they want. If they're concerned about being found out they can install tor and then submit through gorillamail. Stop being dense.
[editline]19th August 2014[/editline]
Or just use gorillamail. I figure tor is just for the really really fucked up shit that no one would want tracked back to them through any means.
Kardia, please stop post.
I have four confessions in the inbox right now, but due to working late tonight and an early start tomorrow I can't respond as it takes roughly ten minutes per response. I will do my best to get them posted tomorrow night.
[QUOTE=airconditiond;45744411]I have four confessions in the inbox right now, but due to working late tonight and an early start tomorrow I can't respond as it takes roughly ten minutes per response. I will do my best to get them posted tomorrow night.[/QUOTE]
ten minutes what
[QUOTE=Hezzy;45744695]ten minutes what[/QUOTE]
The man's got standards Hezzy. Can't have any low quality responses.
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