• Facepunch Anonymous Confessional: We know you stuck a banana in your ass
    162 replies, posted
Vent, I just wanted to say that your comment about always being able to re-invent yourself has honestly struck a chord with me and I just wanted to thank you.
[QUOTE=Drsalvador;45935724]Vent, I just wanted to say that your comment about always being able to re-invent yourself has honestly struck a chord with me and I just wanted to thank you.[/QUOTE] People are always like "change doesn't happen over night" but I think the thought that leads to change can happen over night. Since change is a process. Something can snap in you that says "I should start working out", that thought is the cause for the effect of someone joining a gym. Just an example. Glad that's stuck with you. If you're unhappy with who you are then become someone else. Note: I'm not advocating identity or face theft.
Is this thread still going? I need help. :/
I don't need anonymity to accept the banana in my ass
Well if you're giving up on it for a few months, at least do the last batch. If anyone uhh decides to confess anything they might have done. :wink:
received 3 confessions, which was enough to keep the thread going for at least this post. we'll see what transpires over the next week. [quote=John Doe]Hi. Your friendly 'conservative gay guy' here. I wanted to clear a couple of things up since I feel like you misunderstood me the first time. I definitely do not mean to say that I hold conservative values. What I mean is that neoliberals nowadays make me feel conservative by comparison. There was a point in my life where I would have called myself a feminist, not too long ago infact. I mostly mean that my rejection of the victim mentality is what has brought me the most scorn. On the 'gay' note, I suppose a better way to put it would be that when I was younger I had yet to come across a female I was interested in. Since saying "I'm gay" was easier than explaining that I only felt attracted to very specific types of women and that I was not necessarily ruling them out, that's what I did. I think you got me wrong the first time. I am not misogynistic in the slightest. I feel that women and men are all humans that are both equally capable of being pieces of shit or fine people. I have never divulged all of this info, specifically being raped, to anyone before, really. Thanks for being an outlet, I guess. I'll sign my posts "M" from now on.[/quote] I don't care how you sign your confessions and will replace "M" with "insufferable fuckwit" from hereon out. I'm imagining you currently as a flamboyant parody of Liam Neeson in "Taken" having a "very specific set of attraction guidelines" about women. The fact that you do not regard yourself as a victim, I think, makes you a stronger person. Although in the current "rape culture" that we live in you are expected to feel a victim otherwise you were "asking for it". Obviously this isn't my opinion, as stated earlier that I think not regarding yourself as a victim displays strength. Your statement about not being a misogynist contradicts your statement about formerly being a feminist. Feminism, in my eyes, should be the belief that men and women are completely equal in most terms. However, a man can never be a mother, and a woman can never be a father (disregarding trannies for the time being (I wonder how feminists feel about trannies???)). [quote=John Doe]hey vent so I’ve had some weird shit happen to me in the last few months. After a party where I got with a hot girl, one of the guys there started talking to me about it and we got quite into it, like details and stuff. He eventually told me he was bi-curious, which later went full bi and then now it’s like homo-curious I don't even know. Anyway he told me about some of the guys he’s like from our old school, which was interesting and weird at the same time. Then the bombshell dropped. He told me he liked me, like, a lot. My initial reaction was ‘cool, I guess’ basically but I didn’t follow up on it because I don’t exactly swing that way. What happened next was pretty weird, he kept calling me ‘babe’ and saying he loved me every time before I went to sleep and every time I came online. Now this is the bit I’m extremely ashamed of (hence anon confession), when I was horny and very tired the idea of something happening somewhat appealed to me. It’s weird having someone who you can do anything you want with sexually, and that was kinda hot in a way. Anyway, during these times I talked pretty sexually and actually ended up sending him saucy snapchats - oops. It got to a point where I actually went round his house and he sucked me off a few times. It was good but fucking weird I really don’t know how to describe it, like the physical feeling was good but the idea of this guy (which was to be completely honest the opposite of attractive) doing it just weirded me out. I closed my eyes and pretended it was a girl doing it instead which worked, since before then I was having a hard time cumming with that weird shit running through my head. (God that paragraph was hard to write, cringed myself out there) For some reason, this happened more than once. It was always supposed to be once, just because I felt sorry for him because he’s never really had any sort of partner and he’s been a good friend to me the last few years - and I didn't think it would affect me at all. It didn’t, but it affected him. Badly. He started self-harming and all sorts of stuff for some reason. I talked to my friend about it and they said I should cut it off before it’s too late. I did but what followed showed me that it was already too late. His initial reaction to the ‘break up’ (his words) were okay, he seemed to be handling it fine but shortly after he broke down completely and begged (and I mean begged) for days for me to return to him. Of course I refused and told him nothing would happen again. I became his life during that time and now I backed out his life was apparently gone to him. He attempted suicide, like quite a lot of times, an astonishing amount of times considering what it was, like more than 5 times to date. Arguments broke out in time about various stuff. I wanted to keep things secret obviously, don't want people going round thinking I had weird gay shit when I'm not, especially with /him/. I’d be extremely humiliated by my friends and family and even people who don’t know me. So there were arguments about that, and also about how stupid he was being thinking his life was me and killing himself over it. He became my very own real life stalker, and I can’t do anything about it. Sometimes he acts fine and talks to me like a normal person which is a nice relief so I go with it. That is until he starts talking about shit and breaks down/starts arguing again. This has lasted about a day at most over several attempts to ‘save our friendship’ which is completely doomed imo unless he can get his act together and move on from me, as I've suggested many, many times. I tried to end it by cutting contact with him but that lasted not even 24 hours, because he went and tried to tell everyone and succeeded in telling my closest friends by email. Luckily they’re my closest friends though, so they listened to my side of the story. I already have some enemies now because he’s told people false information about how I’ve ruined his life and stuff. Just because I tried to fucking help him and make him happy once upon a fucking time. “It’s not about what you’re trying to do but what you’re doing” fuck off.​ The other day the police turned up at my house since he’d run away and presumably went to attempt to kill himself again. I told the police everything I knew and that it was all about me. They were just like ‘ok’ pretty much, and told me that if anything happens it wouldn't be my fault. tl;dr party leads to intimate talks, guy tells me hes gay, I'm not but do some weird shit with him anyway because I felt sorry for him (he's never had a girlfriend, really not good looking at all, etc.). He gets extremely attached to me during that stuff so when I break it off cause its too weird he reacts extremely badly, self-harms and attempts suicide, threatens and has attempted to tell the world about how much of an asshole I am for trying to fucking help him. Police get involved and I tell them the situation. Wow even the tl;dr is an entire paragraph, sorry for the page-stretcher there's just a lot to be said - and I'm probably still missing some details. Oh well. Every day tensions get higher and things get worse - and it’s almost a certainty more people including my family will find out sooner or later, what should I do? Sent from Windows Mail[/quote] When I was in high school I had a friend that was gay (he probably still is, the "was" statement was more that we are not friends anymore). He was extremely attracted to me, and I constantly had to let him down using kid gloves because I didn't want to hurt him since, after all, he was a friend. Luckily I had the sense not to do what you did because I'm not into dudes in the slightest, although I do call people "babe" from time to time but that's another story. Don't say you can't do anything about a stalker. You can definitely pursue legal actions to prevent him from stalking you. Chances are if you threaten him with a restraining order he will stop. Don't say you did all of this for him. It sounds like you might be an ugly nerd and he's an ugly gay nerd, so you took advantage of him to get your knob spit-shined a few times. My best suggestion would probably be to tell your family in advance and chalk it up to "experimenting". Many people, both men and women, will experiment with homosexuality at some point. Consult your family for advice: "I experimented with my friend who happens to be gay, and now that I don't want to do it anymore he's trying to kill himself." I had an ex who tried to pull this shit. I might have posted about her previously in a response. Total nutjob. We dated for roughly a year and a half, and I ended it because she cheated. She kept calling me for months and months saying "I'm going to kill myself," and eventually I got fed up and would answer the phone just saying "Can't talk, bye," knowing full well what her comment was going to be. Now we chat every few months through text messages. We will never be friends, but we are at least friendly with one another. [quote=Jane Doe]I really like big dongs[/quote] Fuck you don't waste my time. [QUOTE=MattJeanes;45993867]Well if you're giving up on it for a few months, at least do the last batch. If anyone uhh decides to confess anything they might have done. :wink:[/QUOTE] I'm going to assume that one of the above confessions is yours. Chances are someone will probably guess which one and call you out on it and there's nothing I can do if it's true (or false for that matter), and to be honest I don't care and I hope you are forever ridiculed as being "that chick who likes big dongs" or "that dude that fucked over his gay friend by letting him touch his dingdong" or "insufferable fuckwit"
These confessions came in within a week of the last batch. I saw them, I just never had the chance to post them. Rather than save them for the next thread here they are. [quote=John Doe]Got two confessions: I'm gay, but it took me a while to figure that out. I have had one girlfriend, but in the process of figuring it out, I realised that I was more attracted to her guy best friend instead. Fast forward through a confusing breakup, I told him how I felt, he thought it was weird and stopped talking to me (we were also really good friends at the time). Skip 2 years and one night he messages me, being super friendly saying we should catch up in the park. So we met in the park near a beach, and sat at a picnic table. We just chatted about how the last few years have been for the both of us. Eventually he put his arm around me. We kept talking, then after a few minutes he quickly unzipped his pants, grabbed my hand and put it on his crouch. One thing lead to another and we were 69ing in the middle of the park. After doing that for 10 minutes, I could see headlights in the distance - police were patrolling the park. We had to quickly stop, and run away whilst pulling our pants up before we could be seen. That was my first sexual experience at 16 years old. Second: Nowadays I get through life and university on a constant, very happy high. Sometimes it doesn't last though, and I find myself dipping into very deep, depressing lows. I found the best way to combat this when it happens is to go on Omegle and strip + wank for guys. My face is generally shown too, so I do hope it wont come back some day to bite me in the ass. Doing that seems to just give me a huge thrill, especially if the door's unlocked and I can be caught (haven't been yet). But this thrill surges my nerves, it just puts me back onto the happy high that allows me to function well and remain a popular, likeable person in day to day life. Both these confessions are true. Thanks for reading![/quote] I've heard of older men propositioning younger men in parks before. Seems like your friend was a bit of a douche to force you into that sexual encounter, even though you were willing the pulling your hand to his crouch shouldn't have happened. I was going to say something like "what's a crouch? a cross between a crotch and a couch?" but then i remembered that crouching is an actual thing, but I assume you meant crotch. In response to omegle: I guess there's an adrenaline rush that comes with jerkin' it on camera? [quote=John Doe]Sorry about the wait, dude. Turns out I used several emails instead of just one and finding the passwords was a bitch. Both the images you'll get are some of my dad's reactions. I'll give you a few more when my net isn't so shit. It took me fifteen minutes to open both of these. Oh, by the way, I picked up the shock images as I went along. I didn't think of keeping a folder at the time. That being said, I do have one now. You never know when you might have to force someone to puke. [url]http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=15hfjw9&s=8[/url] [url]http://oi60.tinypic.com/29cq91f.jpg[/url][/quote] These pics are great especially out of context. Did you send them through Facebook? Kind of hilarious. [quote=John Doe]I met a guy several months ago who took a liking to me. My age, slim build, and a shy, slightly autistic nerd. He asked me to dinner one night, and being a helpful person, I accepted. Nothing happened that night, it ended with a goodnight hug and each to our own homes. He went on deployment shortly after. I don't have much of a sexual attraction to males or females, but I recently started thinking about him. Call me a faggot, but I fucking love cuddles and wanted someone to cuddle pretty badly. I thought of him, as he was one of very few people that both made me feel comfortable to be around, and would probably reciprocate. I didn't let it bother me though, because at this point, I was on the other side of the country. He got back from deployment, and I tentatively sent him a message to see how he was doing. He responded that he was in love with me and hoped I could return the sentiment. My cheeks went rosy upon reading that. It made me sad, though, he didn't yet know that we were separated by thousands of miles of land. I tried to find the right time to tell him, but I eventually said fuck it. I think he was crushed, but it's hard to gauge reactions through text. I'd love to be his husbando but long distance relationships are shite. Since then, it's bothered me. I'd talk to him about it, but I can't at the moment, and i don't want to turn it into a long distance relationship. I know it's not much of a confession, but I've few people I can tell feelings things to without it making our friendship weird. thanks for reading I guess[/quote] This one's easy. Say "Hey bud, I moved, so you should move on." That's all that needs to happen.
That jerking-off-on-omegle thing is not that uncommon apparently. One round of Omegle webcam things should tell you so
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