• Gay Chat V12 - Even More Optimistic
    5,002 replies, posted
I'm turning 20 soon and I still have never done anything like skiing or snowboarding in my life. Still want to do that sometime now I am still young.
This year was my first year really Snowboarding, but I've been skiing pretty much my whole life because my family would go to Sweden/Norway/Austria on holidays nearly every year. Had a few snowboarding lessons before, a previous year with the rest of the family; But it was only really me and my father who really got up on the board that year. This was also the first year we've gone skiing/snowboarding after my father died, which was sad because he was always the one in the family who enjoyed it he most. It was fun though, even if it left me exhausted as hell because that's a lot of muscles I don't use much otherwise :v:
I like to ice skate. I took a figure skating class once, that was fun. And really homo.
I ice skated once. I spent the entire time terrified my fingers were going to get cut off.
Fuck iceskating, absolutely hate it. Skiing is fun but I haven't done that in like 8 years.
So gays. I need an opinion. This is quite a tough one. Basically i have this gay friend i met on the internet, we've been really good friends for a year, hes got a boyfriend that is a long distance relationship, they only see each other like every 2 months if that (maybe not necessary information but it may help), i made this friend from tumblr whilst i was with my current boyfriend. We had a few discussions about us doing a whole meet up (me + my bf, with him and his bf, going alton towers) but its difficult trying to organise it since his bf is in Uni and he is a Policeman so he can't really do weekends. Yet me and my bf have jobs that leave us with free weekends. Well. nothing really materialised with the whole alton towers thing because it had just turned winter. So when my boyfriend was away for the weekend, my online mate had a free Sunday and was like "DUDE, WE SHOULD MEET UP!" and unfortunately, it was just such short notice that i couldn't really do it, i had no money or anything. That was all fine and it was all good. My BF didn't object to it or anything. Then i suggested, since i have 2 more days to take off of work and nothing to use them on before april, i will book off 2 random days in the week and see the online mate finally for the first time. Obviously the online mate was up for it! We finally will be able to be mean to each other in person instead of texting each other haha. But then the mate suggested that we make it a big thing and go for a night out too and get a hotel. I said i have no money for a room so thats not going to happen, and he said he'd book a room with 2 singles and i can crash with him. This was when alarm bells were ringing. I told my bf about the meet up (before i even said about the night out) he was not really impressed. He got very defensive about it and saying he wouldn't like it. I told him our friendship is literally just friendship, nothing else. We've had a few trust issues before, nothing really happening, only a few slips but he apparently fully trusts me. Yet i feel that this is a huge trust problem with him, which makes me think he doesn't trust me. Once i told him about the night out and that he is invited but unfortunately it's going to be a time where hes really busy with work and he can't really book 2 random days off in the middle of the week. I know he has this huge issue with trust when it comes to gays (his ex cheated on him, possibly multiple times) he thinks that gays have big agendas and he really has no experience with internet people. He thinks the internet is a bad place, full of creeps and sleezes. Anyway, we had this pretty big falling out the night i told him about the meet up. I said to him that i'd only want to make it a day thing anyway, not do the night out, and yet he was still pissy about that. He just doesn't seem to understand that you can make brilliant friends with people over the internet and he thought that this guy was cool. Hes talked to my mate a few times and he likes him, but now as soon as this has come up, hes gone to disliking him. He goes "Oh its conveinient how his bf can't come and didn't ask you to invite me, he just wants it to be you two, because he wants you" and i jsut can't make him understand. I know for a fact, once it comes around and its happened, hes going to feel like a tit and realise he got worked up over nothing. But he does this all the time, works himself up over stupid things. And suggestions on how to deal with this? or do you think that i'm being naive? I've talked to this friend on skype before, we snapchat a bit and text so i know hes not some fake murderer or anything, i just really think that my bf has mega trust issues and i don't know how to look past it. I feel like its getting worse.
I used to live in Canada which is great because now I live in a place where 90% of people can't ski or ice skate. I can't snowboard. Snowboarders are rude. They cut you off. Right over the top of my skis. This is all snowboarders. There are no exceptions this is a fact. [editline]22nd February 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=greeley;47189830]big explanation[/QUOTE] He might have trust issues. Don't throw him in the deep end by going out with a guy from the "bad place, full of creeps and sleezes." You have to do it when everyone is available no matter how hard that is. I think you are throwing wayy too much on him like this. No matter how much you know something is right, ok and no problem, if the other person hasn't had experiences with it before and there are rumours about this stuff and they've had bad experiences you can't just tell them it's ok. You have to [I]show them.[/I] This is all entirely my opinion, but I don't think you are right to go through with this. Like, you [I]are[/I] right, nothing will happen and it's all ok, but that doesn't matter. But it doesn't have to be like this forever. Best way to start helping him to understand is letting him know you aren't going through with it, and only meet these people when there is a chance to go together. If that's not possible then don't meet them. You have to show your bf people from the internet are not bad before you go and meet them on your own.
[QUOTE=gerbe1;47189841] [editline]22nd February 2015[/editline] He might have trust issues. Don't throw him in the deep end by going out with a guy from the "bad place, full of creeps and sleezes." You have to do it when everyone is available no matter how hard that is. I think you are throwing wayy too much on him like this. No matter how much you know something is right, ok and no problem, if the other person hasn't had experiences with it before and there are rumours about this stuff and they've had bad experiences you can't just tell them it's ok. You have to [I]show them.[/I] This is all entirely my opinion, but I don't think you are right to go through with this. Like, you [I]are[/I] right, nothing will happen and it's all ok, but that doesn't matter. But it doesn't have to be like this forever. Best way to start helping him to understand is letting him know you aren't going through with it, and only meet these people when there is a chance to go together. If that's not possible then don't meet them. You have to show your bf people from the internet are not bad before you go and meet them on your own.[/QUOTE] So you're saying i can't meet my friend I've been wanting to meet for a year because my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it? I can only see the line between being controlled and living a life i want to live. I never wanted to be in a relationship where I'm being told i couldn't do something (obviously if its reasonable) and he knows that, we both know that. I wouldn't dream of controlling him and saying he can't go somewhere because i don't want him to, I've seen relationships like that and they are not healthy. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen with this vent but I'm just confused. I said to my bf that "If this was a straight guy or a girl, you would have no problems with it, but because hes gay, that's where the problem is" and he basically said "Yes" - Which is why i think its a massive trust issue. I told him i'm going have this day out with him but definitely not the night out, as tbf, i do see that being a bit weird, and probably awkward if its just 2 people. So i have compromised.
[QUOTE=greeley;47189912]So you're saying i can't meet my friend I've been wanting to meet for a year because my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it? I can only see the line between being controlled and living a life i want to live. I never wanted to be in a relationship where I'm being told i couldn't do something (obviously if its reasonable) and he knows that, we both know that. I wouldn't dream of controlling him and saying he can't go somewhere because i don't want him to, I've seen relationships like that and they are not healthy. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen with this vent but I'm just confused. I said to my bf that "If this was a straight guy or a girl, you would have no problems with it, but because hes gay, that's where the problem is" and he basically said "Yes" - Which is why i think its a massive trust issue. I told him i'm going have this day out with him but definitely not the night out, as tbf, i do see that being a bit weird, and probably awkward if its just 2 people. So i have compromised.[/QUOTE] Ok that sounds a good compromise. But yeah, if he can't handle you meeting those other people then you should either help him get over it or dump him if you don't want to be controlled. Right? There are two conflicting points of view you each have. If neither of you are happy the other having that view, why be unhappy the whole time? There are people out there who you'd get along with better.
Can I vent here for a sec? I don't expect anything in return, but getting this out there seems like it might help me. I me this guy on Grindr because why not 5 or so months ago. He's such a cutie but he's really socially awkward and kinda shy, but that's nothing I can't say about myself. Despite meeting him on Grindr, we didn't actually [I]do[/I] anything, as after chatting for a bit I could kinda tell he wasn't really after what Grindr sorta supplied, and to be honest I wasn't either. We kept chatting for a few weeks, and I learned that he had a lot of baggage from a relationship prior that had gone south due to forces out of his or his other's control. He suddenly dropped contact for a week out of nowhere, and when he got back to me I learned that he had had a panic attack at work that caused him to lose his job. He shortly thereafter lost his apartment and was back to his parent's house. He'd apparently attempted suicide twice in the week he hadn't been talking to me, and this about killed me on the inside to hear. I went and picked him up and took him to my place and we cuddled for like 4 hours, not saying or doing anything but just being with each other. It was probably the most intense and comfortable thing I had ever done. After that, we started actually getting a little more serious. I invited him to dinner and a movie on Valentine's day, and he accepted. He wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey which seemed odd to me, and it was a complete disappointment but I think we both enjoyed each other more than the movie anyways. I him over a few more times just to spend time with him, and I felt like we were both really enjoying it. We did other things, but I'll keep that to myself ^^. Just a few days ago he all of a sudden said "Let's go to [big riverside city one state over]". This caught me off guard but I was too excited that we'd get to travel and stay in a hotel and just be together so I said yes. Him not having a job meant that I footed most of the bill, but I was happy to do it. He seemed really off when we first left, but as time went on he really opened up, and that made me really happy. The hotel stay was nice, though he invited a friend of his over which was awkward because he couldn't take a hint when we wanted him to leave and he ended up staying the night with us which made it even more awkward. the next day things changed though. He slowly got more distant as the day went on, and I started putting things together; see, his previous boyfriend (we'll call him person B for reasons) had been torn from him by person B's parents who didn't approve of his lifestyle. Since person B was still underage (17), there wasn't much to be done, so he just had to play the waiting game until B came of age. This apparently was a big problem for him, which is why he started reaching out on Grindr and the like. It became very clear to me that there were still feelings there (duh), but it seemed like he almost regretted how far he had taken the relationship between us. The 6+ hour drive home was silent and cold, unlike the fun drive up. About an hour from home he started explaining this all to me, but I had sort of already figured it out. I told him that he had to do what was right for him at any expense, and that he couldn't afford to worry about how it might impact me. This was obviously hard for me to say as I really cared and still do care about him, but I don't want him to be in a situation where he's trying to make others happy at his own expense. He got really apologetic when I told him how hurt I was gonna be if he cut it all off, which made me feel like a piece of shit because I could have just as easily not said that and been fine. I dropped him off at his place and went home. He texted me when I got home and kept apologizing. "I'm a terrible person. I shouldn't have done this. I'm sorry." I did my best to comfort him and I told him to sleep on it and not make any decisions until he had time to really think it all through. The next morning I check my phone and see that he texted me saying that he didn't mean to hurt me and that he just wanted to die. He had taken 10x the recommended dose of sleeping pills last night and, while it didn't kill him thank god, he was an absolute mess this morning. He keeps talking about how he just wants to die and how he doesn't deserve any better and how I need not worry about him and how he's just unlovable. I'm doing what I can to talk him out of it, and it [i]is[/i] getting better, but I'm running out of ideas and my emotions are getting the best of me right now. I love him so much and he's such a great person to be with. He makes me feel safe and secure, and he seems like he always knows what to say to make me feel better. I don't mind dealing with this if it means I can be with him, but I don't know [i]how[/i]. I just want what's best for him and I don't wanna make anything worse, and I'm just having a really difficult time figuring out how to react. I'm going to go see him later today I think, because I need to see him. What should I do? Sorry for the wall of text.
Looking at game design companies in cities I might want to live in. I have a very solid well rounded portfolio but nothing focused, so I need to start focusing on things I want to get employed on. Something I know I excel at and make a project that shows I am an expert of sorts in that specific task. Hooooooly shit all this is doing is convincing me to go indie. So many copycat "me too!!" companies including one making literally a clone of hearthstone, and every other company is a mobile developer obsessed with making the next clash of clans clone. Having an actual office/team to work with sounds awesome including company benefits but boy am I convinced none of these companies will survive for more than a few years. Its weird to be in a position where I clearly lack actual game dev experience and a focused profession (i.e. I've touched my fingers in everything over the past 8 years but I've not done something like 3D model for 4-5 years straight to the point of me being super great at it) but yet have more insight and design sense than almost every company I look at. Alternatively I could just say fuck it, do graphic design and get a job working for a design firm a friend I know is opening up in the exact city I would love to live in for likely better pay. And I know I would get the job if my portfolio wasn't bad since this guy thinks well of me. I just haven't had a graphic design focused portfolio in years, and I'm more interested in game design. It would take work to become current on the latest versions of indesign/photoshop/illustrator and I worry about spending the rest of my free time being "good" as a graphic designer instead of being good as game developer. I would say that an ideal situation would be I could work there, get paid well, and in my free time to game development or polish up a game dev portfolio. But I know design firms are notorious for sucking free time. Which is okay if you really want to work for one as your main career, but it wouldn't work out so well if I just wanted to do it because I enjoy design work but really want to do my real passion on the side. [/life choices] [editline]22nd February 2015[/editline] [QUOTE=greeley;47189912]So you're saying i can't meet my friend I've been wanting to meet for a year because my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it? I can only see the line between being controlled and living a life i want to live. I never wanted to be in a relationship where I'm being told i couldn't do something (obviously if its reasonable) and he knows that, we both know that. I wouldn't dream of controlling him and saying he can't go somewhere because i don't want him to, I've seen relationships like that and they are not healthy. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen with this vent but I'm just confused. I said to my bf that "If this was a straight guy or a girl, you would have no problems with it, but because hes gay, that's where the problem is" and he basically said "Yes" - Which is why i think its a massive trust issue. I told him i'm going have this day out with him but definitely not the night out, as tbf, i do see that being a bit weird, and probably awkward if its just 2 people. So i have compromised.[/QUOTE] Honestly if your BF is going to work out in any relationship he is going to have to get over trust issues. I can understand this if you guys are new in your relationship to where trust hasn't been established, and especially you are known for being a bit of a swinger, but someone who has trust issues is someone who is insecure with themselves. Rarely do people who are insecure with themselves work in a relationship. Not telling you to dump your BF, but he's going to need to realize this is a problem he's having and what you are doing is totally okay. Try and help him work through it and let him make it easy to trust you - maybe all you need to do is get this meeting out of the way to prove that there is nothing to worry about.
[QUOTE=greeley;47189912]So you're saying i can't meet my friend I've been wanting to meet for a year because my boyfriend is uncomfortable with it? I can only see the line between being controlled and living a life i want to live. I never wanted to be in a relationship where I'm being told i couldn't do something (obviously if its reasonable) and he knows that, we both know that. I wouldn't dream of controlling him and saying he can't go somewhere because i don't want him to, I've seen relationships like that and they are not healthy. I don't know what I'm expecting to happen with this vent but I'm just confused. I said to my bf that "If this was a straight guy or a girl, you would have no problems with it, but because hes gay, that's where the problem is" and he basically said "Yes" - Which is why i think its a massive trust issue. I told him i'm going have this day out with him but definitely not the night out, as tbf, i do see that being a bit weird, and probably awkward if its just 2 people. So i have compromised.[/QUOTE] oooo, I can see this issue from both ends. Have you tried reassuring your boyfriend about how much you love him etc. and would never do that to him for anyone no matter what? Because it could be a self-esteem issue, that people would ditch him for someone else, not really a distrust of you.
Does anyone have a spare gift copy of L4D2? A friend of mine has never played it and I feel like everyone and their mother has had extra copies of L4D2 with so many of the gifts and valve giving them away like hot cakes.
[QUOTE=TehWhale;47194465]Does anyone have a spare gift copy of L4D2? A friend of mine has never played it and I feel like everyone and their mother has had extra copies of L4D2 with so many of the gifts and valve giving them away like hot cakes.[/QUOTE] I think I do! PM me their email address.
[QUOTE=MrWhite;47190433]Lots of text ... What should I do? Sorry for the wall of text.[/QUOTE] Obviously the most important short term goal is to get him to a place where he isn't trying to kill himself over the decisions he has to make. You will probably have to detach yourself a little from the situation as it is in his best interest, but once he's better you'll need to have a conversation about what he really wants and what you want, without making one or the other feel awful about it. Greeley, you mention time and time again that your boyfriend has trust issues. Is this the same online friend that your bf found you texting, and also didn't like that relationship simply because the other was gay? Obviously staying the night together in a single hotel room is a little off, and that's understandable, but if you're just making a day trip out of it with a friend you've known for a while then there is nothing wrong with that. I understand that your boyfriend makes you happy, obviously you wouldn't still be with him, and you've mentioned some worse fights with him that have really put a strain on your relationship. But if these situations continue to happen, as they have been for the length of your relationship, either he really needs to commit to changing his mindset, or you need to take a long look at your relationship and determine if it's really right for you.
[QUOTE=DanTehMan;47195176] Greeley, you mention time and time again that your boyfriend has trust issues. Is this the same online friend that your bf found you texting, and also didn't like that relationship simply because the other was gay? Obviously staying the night together in a single hotel room is a little off, and that's understandable, but if you're just making a day trip out of it with a friend you've known for a while then there is nothing wrong with that. I understand that your boyfriend makes you happy, obviously you wouldn't still be with him, and you've mentioned some worse fights with him that have really put a strain on your relationship. But if these situations continue to happen, as they have been for the length of your relationship, either he really needs to commit to changing his mindset, or you need to take a long look at your relationship and determine if it's really right for you.[/QUOTE] I can't think of the guy my bf found me texting.... I might have described it wrong. This mate of mine my bf knew i was texting straight away as i had no reason to keep it from him and all we talked about was pokemon, throwing mean comments towards each other and some random venting now and again. So the friendship is clearly platonic. Like i said before, i'm just going to go on the day out, definitely not a night out.
Last time I order pizza from a takeout, they screwed over the order by putting cheese on it, got it redone only to find they did something to trigger my lactose intolerance still when there shouldn't have been anything to do that. Spent most of last night and this morning burning my throat, think I'm gonna skip college tomorrow if this keeps going all day.
I'm pretty sure I had a panic attack this morning by being incredibly anxious about having a panic attack at college today. Safe to say I didn't go in and I have an appointment at the doc's tomorrow to try and figure out what the christ is going on up there :v:
Welp, shit hit the fan pretty quick there. So, I guess there were some legal problems between him and his previous boyfriend's family due to the relationship they had. Apparently, the family is pressing charges against him due to some issue where he took his boyfriend out for the night without getting approval from the parents which constitutes abduction of a minor. He's gotten a no-contact order from the family, and he's going to court tomorrow over it. He's also possibly going to be getting jail time for each instance he tried to make contact after the no-contact order, which I guess makes sense but is still kinda bs. He's still got a bunch of fines as well, and considering he's out a job right now he's sort of fucked. I really wanna just wash my hands of this all but I can't get over it emotionally. I'm really attached to him already which was my mistake, and now I'm afraid he's going to do something drastic over this all and I don't know how to help. Yay drama.
I don't think "not getting approval of parents" and going out with someone whos 17 counts as abduction of a minor. Especially if said minor is consenting. Like all he has to say is "Hey I wanted to go out I went of my own will" and everything is cleared up.
[QUOTE=Batmoutarde;47199630]I don't think "not getting approval of parents" and going out with someone whos 17 counts as abduction of a minor. Especially if said minor is consenting. Like all he has to say is "Hey I wanted to go out I went of my own will" and everything is cleared up.[/QUOTE] He's gonna see tomorrow in court if it's a bs claim or not. If the courts agree with the parents, he's fucked. His friend can't really say anything if the parents don't let him, either, since he's a minor. Doesn't even actually need to appear in court unless the Judge demands it. It's partly because the kid's parents are the most religious people you can meet and are vehemently opposed to his life choices. That probably has a fair bit to do with how they're acting.
He's a minor not a 2 year old kid. I don't know about US law but it really sounds like they have a case. I mean he's 17 right, he should be able to testify. I can't believe any judge would just go "Oh I'll listen to the parents and ignore the 17 year old totally" and if he ever ever does that decision can be contested really easily.
[QUOTE=Batmoutarde;47199658]He's a minor not a 2 year old kid. I don't know about US law but it really sounds like they have a case. I mean he's 17 right, he should be able to testify. I can't believe any judge would just go "Oh I'll listen to the parents and ignore the 17 year old totally" and if he ever ever does that decision can be contested really easily.[/QUOTE] I don't know all the details, I'm just listening to him. Whenever we're together he doesn't really wanna talk about it and I don't blame him... It's sounding like a pretty weak case, but we'll see what happens.
Well sounds like he'll be fine because their case sounds like a load of horseshit
[QUOTE=Batmoutarde;47199658]He's a minor not a 2 year old kid. I don't know about US law but it really sounds like they have a case. I mean he's 17 right, he should be able to testify. I can't believe any judge would just go "Oh I'll listen to the parents and ignore the 17 year old totally" and if he ever ever does that decision can be contested really easily.[/QUOTE] We don't know what kind of punishment the kid would get for siding with the guy over his own parents. LGBT teens get kicked out all the time
[QUOTE=DanTehMan;47199769]We don't know what kind of punishment the kid would get for siding with the guy over his own parents. LGBT teens get kicked out all the time[/QUOTE] Well we don't get the big picture but here's how it looks like from my point of view. Guy is almost done with high school, has crazy religious parents that literally hate the fact he's gay. So if he's asked to testify,sides against his parents and gets kicked out there's 2 options 1) He's kicked out but emancipated and therefore is parents must provide food, clothing and education. 2) He's kicked out and NOT emancipated at which point they are committing a federal crime known as child abandonment Because him being a minor works both ways. Of course this is all highly hypothetical and going through those steps could take a long time but at this point his parents are being homophobic nutjobs so they can suck it for all I care
[QUOTE=Batmoutarde;47199813]Well we don't get the big picture but here's how it looks like from my point of view. Guy is almost done with high school, has crazy religious parents that literally hate the fact he's gay. So if he's asked to testify,sides against his parents and gets kicked out there's 2 options 1) He's kicked out but emancipated and therefore is parents must provide food, clothing and education. 2) He's kicked out and NOT emancipated at which point they are committing a federal crime known as child abandonment Because him being a minor works both ways. Of course this is all highly hypothetical and going through those steps could take a long time but at this point his parents are being homophobic nutjobs so they can suck it for all I care[/QUOTE] I'm not sure what your familial situation is/was, but for most people cutting off all emotional ties between you and your parents is easier said than done. Obviously from an outsiders perspective the parents are complete nutters, but if you loved and respected them it would be hard to come to terms with that.
Can we get Alan Shore for the defence pls. A real lawyer would work better but seriously there could be some serious trouble for MrWhite's friends if the 17 year olds parents are rich. Technicalities are a real thing. This is like textbook Boston Legal stuff. No this whole situation is dumb. Rich people are dumb. How did they even get a no contact thing in the first place. Does MrWhite's friend have a lawyer? Why on earth did he contact him afterwards now they can misconstrue the contact as obsessive behaviour :s I dunno I only watch tv court cases but real life can be stranger/more depressing than fiction. Get LGBT rights activists on this and you'll get pro bono lawyers and everything! [editline]24th February 2015[/editline] Where is the case law for this there is no way this hasn't happened before. The US system works on precedent right.
If he knew there was a no contact order in place and continued to make contact he's an idiot imo. The parents must really hate this dude if they're taking advantage of technicalities, although I'm sure the presiding judge will take into account the fact that the minor is 17. But regardless he should have just stayed away. However if the judge thinks jail time is warranted over this it likely won't be anything extreme (like 30 days at most if it even gets that far, but likely scenario is the case is dismissed, pleaded down, or given a light sentence [probation, community service, or just told to stay away again]), but assuming it's a first offense he'll get off with a slap on the wrist taking into consideration the age of the "victim" and if this kid consented to go out. I'll list some mitigating factors: -Minor was consenting and not taken forcefully or coerced. (Defying parental authority) -Minor was 17 instead of like 14 or some crazy shit. -Charge is spurred by parent's views on homosexuality or religious views rather than harm done to the child. If he's facing criminal charges he need to get a lawyer asap, this is a must. Since he's broke, he should try to find one that will do it pro bono. Don't rely too much on court appointed lawyers as they're generally only there to make sure your rights aren't being violated (but if it's his only option he should take it). A child abduction allegation is something I would advise against taking on without a lawyer.
Why is Love Actually full of fat jokes.
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