Crossdressing & Transgender & A̲L̲L̲I̲E̲S̲ Discussion v. Thread Reassignment Surgery - General

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52978877]Well my self perception is horrid, so i can't judge for myself, but other people have validated my 'passing' as a woman and i feel confident enough to present female on the outside. How long has your girlfriend been on HRT? Does she pass as a woman? If she does pass as a woman and doesn't believe it herself you could validate her that she does.[/QUOTE] She hasn't started yet, which I believe is also playing into it. I don't think she has confidence that she'll pass when she eventually does start.

People keep telling me I'll pass well but I can't see it at all. I feel like I'll be ugly forever.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52984825]People keep telling me I'll pass well but I can't see it at all. I feel like I'll be ugly forever.[/QUOTE] Yeah same.

I saw a picture not too long ago of another trans guy who looked pretty much almost exactly what I think I’d look like if I decided to go on T and the fact that he was really attractive was comforting lol. Dunno if I’d ever go the path of taking T but it’s a thought anyways.

I just wish there was a way to get an idea of what I'd look like after HRT.

Testosterone is amazing. I unexpectedly reconnected with a friend from freshman year in high school a few weeks ago, we were talking to each other over the span of a few days and eventually he wanted to "share something" with me. He showed me a before and after picture and I instantly recognized the first person, I told him that in school we were super good friends and I haven't seen them in like 8 years. Then he told me that it was him and it just totally blew me away. I didn't recognize him at all, it was such an awesome experience. I of course filled him in about me as well, and explained to him who I was back in that time since he didn't recognize me either. It was really interesting to reconnect with an old friend unaware about how we both transitioned.

MAYBE A WEIRD question, but what does testosterone do to the genitals, if anything? I've been curious but looking it up has yielded some uh. Stuff that isn't exactly what I want to know lol. I think I'm conflicted about it because I don't actually have a huge issue with the way my body is at present. The only thing I for SURE would like to be rid of is my period. I could never have that stupid bullshit ever again and be totally fine with it. It costs too much money to deal with and I hate it.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52985723]MAYBE A WEIRD question, but what does testosterone do to the genitals, if anything? I've been curious but looking it up has yielded some uh. Stuff that isn't exactly what I want to know lol. I think I'm conflicted about it because I don't actually have a huge issue with the way my body is at present. The only thing I for SURE would like to be rid of is my period. I could never have that stupid bullshit ever again and be totally fine with it. It costs too much money to deal with and I hate it.[/QUOTE] From what I hear; T will swell up / enlarge that area a bit, and wetness becomes more frequent. I've also heard of some cases where guys have had a change in their depth. The latter could be because of complications unrelated to HRT however.

That's a thought! I don't think my current health plan allows for mental health professionals (since it's basically a healthcare plan for poor people and not actual insurance lol) but I think once I can get out of state and out on my own, seeing a therapist to talk to about it would be really cool. Even if I end up not doing anything, it'd be nice to at least talk to someone about it.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52985838]If you are thinking about testosterone, you should visit a therapist who’s specialized On trans people first and hear what they have to say. Personally you don’t seem like you have crippling dysphoria that forbids you from functioning(not saying this is as to identify being trans and it’s a statement specifically aimed towards medical transition). However I thought the same and I then realized that it was dysphoria causing my depression and overall unhappiness so once I dropped the pretense and my own repression, dysphoria hit me like a freight train.[/QUOTE] I think about this a lot, I've been considering that maybe a lot of the depression in my past and present was dysphoria all along. And it's hitting me like a train.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52985723]MAYBE A WEIRD question, but what does testosterone do to the genitals, if anything? I've been curious but looking it up has yielded some uh. Stuff that isn't exactly what I want to know lol. I think I'm conflicted about it because I don't actually have a huge issue with the way my body is at present. The only thing I for SURE would like to be rid of is my period. I could never have that stupid bullshit ever again and be totally fine with it. It costs too much money to deal with and I hate it.[/QUOTE] From friends on T, it gets rid of your period except for one about 6 months in and possibly [i]some[/i] random ones sometimes, I can't remember those details exactly.

[QUOTE=Pascall;52985723]MAYBE A WEIRD question, but what does testosterone do to the genitals, if anything? I've been curious but looking it up has yielded some uh. Stuff that isn't exactly what I want to know lol. I think I'm conflicted about it because I don't actually have a huge issue with the way my body is at present. The only thing I for SURE would like to be rid of is my period. I could never have that stupid bullshit ever again and be totally fine with it. It costs too much money to deal with and I hate it.[/QUOTE] The clitoris enlarges usually about an inch longer from what I've read. Periods may stop aswell.

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;52985838]However I thought the same and I then realized that it was dysphoria causing my depression and overall unhappiness so once I dropped the pretense and my own repression, dysphoria hit me like a freight train.[/QUOTE] Similar experience for me, it's so obvious to me in hindsight that I suffered from dysphoria for a very long time but I just never recognized it as such As a teenager I had this very visceral sense of self-hatred that I could never really identify the source of. Mostly because it seemed similar to the feelings of low self-esteem and feeling like a failure that I was also dealing with (and still do), so I assumed they were the same thing. Only recently have I realized that they didn't come from the same place, and that one of them was actually just social dysphoria manifesting as a frustratingly vague sense of self-loathing because I couldn't recognize that I was suffering from dysphoria, ironically enough This is in addition to the frequent recurring thoughts of wanting to be a girl (which I thought just made me a weird pervert and that I had to be ashamed and push them out of my head), and the weird sense of unease and discomfort I had with my own body (which I thought was just a normal thing that nobody ever talked about, for some reason) [editline]18th December 2017[/editline] And yeah, once I started considering that I could be trans, the vague sense of discomfort with my body began to transform into something much less vague and much more painful. Dysphoria getting worse post-realization seems to be a pretty common thing, from what I can gather

Looking for a skirt to go with some socks, what colours/pattern goes well with black and purple or rainbow? [sp]A-Asking for a friend.[/sp]

[QUOTE=kobalt;52988915]Looking for a skirt to go with some socks, what colours/pattern goes well with black and purple or rainbow? [sp]A-Asking for a friend.[/sp][/QUOTE] Lolita style dress

[QUOTE=kobalt;52988915]Looking for a skirt to go with some socks, what colours/pattern goes well with black and purple or rainbow? [sp]A-Asking for a friend.[/sp][/QUOTE] [url=http://www.boohoo.com/roseanna-fit-flare-skater-skirt/DZZ48518.html]can't go wrong with a skater skirt[/url]

[QUOTE=DerpPie;52988315]The clitoris enlarges usually about an inch longer from what I've read. Periods may stop aswell.[/QUOTE] First part is not appealing. Second part is though. Wish there was a happy medium lol.

[QUOTE=The golden;52989334]Having a name to put to your feelings and very suddenly finding where they come from can be pretty jarring. Also usually after figuring it out the reality of the situation starts to settle in such as: feeling like you're in the wrong body, being upset with certain aspects of your body/personality/etc, and other factors that may delay or halt a transition. Once you find out you are trans then you may (often suddenly) experience the above things and that can lead to a sharp rise in dysphoria. Your negative thoughts and feelings become more targeted towards a singular thing rather than randomly spread out.[/QUOTE] The sudden increase of dysphoria and just feeling like a sack o' shit in general when I first realised I was trans is why I kinda wish I never actually realised that. That and for me it's seeming to get progressively worse as time goes on (but better in some ways too if that makes sense).

Beginning to question my gender was a really fucking gravelly slope. I feel worse now than I ever did and it shows no sign of stopping because now I have something to attribute lots of different bad feelings to, when I previously considered them all to be entirely separate and unrelated.

[QUOTE=The golden;52992469]Which is why I often recommend people hammer their way forward, if possible. There are going to be a lot of rough feelings, hard times, and emotional pain holding you back but you need to keep pushing forward if you think that's what the answer is. It's not exactly stellar advice but I always tell people that a transition has a big dose of "Fuck it! Let's just DO IT!". It's not really something you can ever prepare fully for so you just have to take a plunge at some point.[/QUOTE] Unfortunately I can't do that, as much as I want to. I'm financially dependent on my parents and I don't even really know what I am yet. As much as I desperately wish I was a girl, I'm not sure if I am one and if transitioning is the answer and without talking to a professional I don't know if I will figure that out at all.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52993537]As much as I desperately wish I was a girl, I'm not sure if I am one[/QUOTE] IMO there's rarely any meaningful distinction between these two things. What is it specifically that you're worried about here? Anyway, it's probably better to focus more on asking yourself whether or not transitioning, or even just parts of transitioning, are right for you or will make you happier.

[QUOTE=Katska;52993682]IMO there's rarely any meaningful distinction between these two things. What is it specifically that you're worried about here? Anyway, it's probably better to focus more on asking yourself whether or not transitioning, or even just parts of transitioning, are right for you or will make you happier.[/QUOTE] I don't know. Everything is confusing. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing or even what the right questions to ask are. I don't know where to begin.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52993726]I don't know. Everything is confusing. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing or even what the right questions to ask are. I don't know where to begin.[/QUOTE] Well, besides what I said before, all I'd say for now is just... don't panic. It may feel like it, but you don't have to know the answer right now. Trust me, things will become clearer with time. It's hard at the beginning, there's a lot to take in and a lot to think about and unpack. Don't push yourself to think about everything all at once, because you can't. Just take these things on as they come to you, take your time, and eventually things will slowly begin to come together and make sense.

Yeah, it's definitely really easy to just overthink things too and forget about how you feel

Well if I really ask myself the questions, like the button question, my gut reaction is that I absolutely want to be a girl, that's what I want before all the thinking kicks in.

[QUOTE=The golden;52994025]I can't speak for anybody but myself, but here goes: After I realized that initial thing I tried to ease myself into it slowly. I first started with pronoun switching and my friends took it well. I also changed my name very early on but that was because I already had a name I wanted to use (unrelated reasons) but I realize that step won't be so easy for some other people. I wanted to come out to my immediate family but wasn't quite ready for that yet and so in the meantime I started to educate myself on trans-friendly healthcare in my area and everything that would be involved should I make that special phonecall. During this time I also started to collect clothing tiems and stuff which I felt I might like - which I did. When I felt I had enough info then I came out to my sister in-person and my dad a few weeks later with a letter I left on his desk. A couple weeks later and I made the call and was put on a waiting list to see a doctor. Dunno if that helps, but that was my "game plan".[/QUOTE] I've changed pronouns online in most places and with one irl friend. It's gone well so far and makes me feel warm and melty every time I'm called a she. Which is a feeling that's nice beyond description. I've tried being called Alex (my real name is Alexander, Xander as a nickname usually) and it feels nice but I worry it's too easy of a change, being just another derivative of my given name. I feel like it's cheating in some way that I can't really describe. I've also done some crossdressing (is it crossdressing if I'm maybe a girl? :thinking:) and I've really liked that. It's really comfy to just put something cute on and play video games or something. Beyond that I'm lost as lost can be, I'm in America and pretty broke so I don't feel confident I'll be able to find much healthcare or anything. And since I'm 19 I have no idea how literally anything works and trying to deal with healthcare and insurance and things like that seems impossible, I feel like I'd accidentally get myself into massive debt or commit fraud or something. These things scare me.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52994232] I've tried being called Alex (my real name is Alexander, Xander as a nickname usually) and it feels nice but I worry it's too easy of a change, being just another derivative of my given name. I feel like it's cheating in some way that I can't really describe.[/QUOTE] If you are happy with that name, then it's good. Lots of people use the other gender form of their name and there is nothing wrong with that. I wanted to do that but there is no female form of Eóghann so I went with a common English name instead. My extended family (parents are out of the picture) are also going to think for suggestions for replacement middle names, one for each branch of the family. Not everyone might like that idea but I feel like it is really supportive.

[QUOTE=Mr Kotov;52994284]If you are happy with that name, then it's good. Lots of people use the other gender form of their name and there is nothing wrong with that. I wanted to do that but there is no female form of Eóghann so I went with a common English name instead. My extended family (parents are out of the picture) are also going to think for suggestions for replacement middle names, one for each branch of the family. Not everyone might like that idea but I feel like it is really supportive.[/QUOTE] I literally chose a name that my friend gave to me as a nickname of my online handle, which is slayer. They started calling me Sally instead of slayer, and I just ended up liking it. But I honestly don't care what people call me. I try not to worry about people referring to me as a him/her/he/she because in the end I know they're just talking about me.

I legitimately don't remember even a single part of how I came up with the name I want it's just. stuck with me. somehow

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;52993537]Unfortunately I can't do that, as much as I want to. I'm financially dependent on my parents and I don't even really know what I am yet. As much as I desperately wish I was a girl, I'm not sure if I am one and if transitioning is the answer and without talking to a professional I don't know if I will figure that out at all.[/QUOTE] Don't be pressured into a decision. You take the time [i]you[/i] need to find yourself. Don't let [i]anyone[/i] make you make that decision before you're ready to. You've got the time, so take it. Take a deep breath and give yourself some space to just sit and think. Mull it over. You're right, it's a [i]big[/i] decision. It's the rest of your life ahead of you. It deserves that level of thought. And really, if you figure out it's not for you, then no big deal. I was in the same spot. I thought I might be and found I'm comfortable where I am. Pronouns, names, clothes, all of that can change at any time. [del]HRT and its early changes are reversible. It's not until you get at least six months, if not a year or more into it that changes won't revert.[/del] I've been corrected, breast buds are one of the earliest things to develop and there's a possibility they won't disappear if you detransition. As for being an American and not financially independent - LGBT clinics in general (in my experience) tend towards not only being on the cheaper end for services, but also will offer sliding scale pay models, where you pay what you are able to based on your income and such. Usually, they'll take major insurances [i]and[/i] have coverage available to those without.