Crossdressing & Transgender & A̲L̲L̲I̲E̲S̲ Discussion v. Thread Reassignment Surgery - General

So apparently my mom told my dad about me and he's supportive. I feel both relieved and betrayed. Lmao Also, I had my first appointment and it went great. I feel a bit embarrassed though, cause my doctor went for a handshake and I went full man grip while he went for a dainty handshake. Kill me. :v:

My mom and brother pretty much outed me to my whole family and to many friends / friends of friends. At the time I was pretty upset about it but I honestly don't really mind that much anymore considering that if it were up to me I probably would never come out to many people lol. It got the job done, just a shame I didn't get to do that on my own terms.

- actually no don't wanna mention this -

Crap like that is why I have zero intention of telling my parents anything until transition is well underway. It won't be "I'm going to do this," it'll be "this has been and will continue to be happening, just fyi."

I feel like I could tell my mom and I know she'd be at the very least "Supportive" but like she has a really volatile personality where she gets mega pissed about things out of nowhere and she does this thing where if someone in her life has problems that she's involved with in any way she feels like it's Her Problem and always goes on and on about how it's affecting her to the point of blaming the person who has the problem in the first place and calling them selfish and stuff so I really wouldn't put it past her to start major conflict about it I would really rather not deal with, so I'm really hesitant to do it. I also wouldn't trust her not to tell other people about it for the same reason

Hi ladies & gentlemen! I have a question and I really hope to not upset anyone here. I have(/had) a friend who is(?) a girl but feels like a guy. Now (s)he tells me to refer her/him to "him". But then the next day (s)he tells me to refer her/him to "her". (S)he always gets mad at me for mispronouncing it and I don't know what to do. I'm just very confused about the whole thing cause this is the first time the LGBT thing has come close to me and I just don't understand much of it. Any tips / help?? :/

eugh fuck it I'm gonna try writing an email to my mom and just rip the band-aid off It's starting to occur to me that I'm dreading having to feel trapped and afraid in my own home until I move out more than the realistic potential consequences of just doing it [editline]18th January 2018[/editline] I only just realized I had the option of not doing it in person too, which helps a lot Every time I've had to say "I'm transgender" to someone, even if it's just a doctor, it's felt like getting socked in the gut, and I know there's a lot I'd have to probably explain to her at once in order for things to go as smoothly as possible and I don't think I could adequately do that if I'm still reeling from that sensation the whole time

Written and sent And it only took me like ten hours

i should figure out make up [editline]19th January 2018[/editline] i also came out to my mom i guess but that was a while back [editline]19th January 2018[/editline] shes pretty much still in denial

[QUOTE=The golden;53064598]I wish you luck dealing with her response, no matter what it is! Be safe![/QUOTE] Thank you! I just got done talking to her about it. So far it's gone about as well as I could have reasonably expected. She said she'd always love and support me, and she didn't reject my identity or get too upset about the fact that I'm already transitioning. I guess I just have to hope that she continues to be cool about it in the future. She does want me to come out to her boyfriend, who basically lives here, so that she has someone to talk to about it, which I pretty much expected. I guess I was gonna have to do that anyway if I really wanted to be able to feel free at home, but I don't really know how to approach it because he's pretty conservative. I got my Mom to say that she'd have my back if he ends up being shitty about it, though, which helps.

I know there's nothing and nobody that can tell me "yes you are trans" or "no you aren't" but I don't understand how I'm supposed to get by or move forward without that The conflict between thinking I am and thinking I'm not is doing more damage to me than anything ever has before, it's absolutely brutal in here. It's so much ammunition to attack myself with and make myself feel like shit and since I have a tendency to do that anyway, it's been making me feel absolutely horrible. Every fucking day it seems like I come to a different conclusion. Yes, I'm trans. I need to accept that. I'm going to get a good night's sleep and tomorrow I'm going to look into resources that can help me. Next day, NOPE. Why the fuck did I ever think I was trans? Being male doesn't really bother me. I can go the rest of my life like this. It's fine, now stop whining like the fucking idiot you are. I always feel so sure and it's so wildly inconsistent that I feel like I constantly have emotional whiplash and it's leaving me frayed and irritable and people around me are starting to notice. I've never put any trust into my own thoughts or the way I see anything but this is eroding the little faith I had in myself, I feel so sure every time I "decide" whether I am or am not and of course I'm never sure at all. Living in my head is so inconsistent. I don't have the same opinions from day to day on anything and I feel like I'm going insane. I don't know what the point of this post is but I feel horribly stuck and trapped in my own head with nowhere to go and I desperately wish I could go back to when I didn't know trans people existed at all because feeling like crap all the time for no reason felt a lot better than feeling like crap all the time for specific reasons like I've been doing now. thx for readin [editline]20th January 2018[/editline] I keep feeling like I don't [I]deserve[/I] to transition either, if that makes sense. I worry a lot about how I'd be hurting people if I transitioned, and how I'm hurting people already.

I don't really have the money or resources for therapy unfortunately. But I'd be scared of going even if I did.

[QUOTE=AtomicSans;53068755]I know there's nothing and nobody that can tell me "yes you are trans" or "no you aren't" but I don't understand how I'm supposed to get by or move forward without that The conflict between thinking I am and thinking I'm not is doing more damage to me than anything ever has before, it's absolutely brutal in here. It's so much ammunition to attack myself with and make myself feel like shit and since I have a tendency to do that anyway, it's been making me feel absolutely horrible. Every fucking day it seems like I come to a different conclusion. Yes, I'm trans. I need to accept that. I'm going to get a good night's sleep and tomorrow I'm going to look into resources that can help me. Next day, NOPE. Why the fuck did I ever think I was trans? Being male doesn't really bother me. I can go the rest of my life like this. It's fine, now stop whining like the fucking idiot you are. I always feel so sure and it's so wildly inconsistent that I feel like I constantly have emotional whiplash and it's leaving me frayed and irritable and people around me are starting to notice. I've never put any trust into my own thoughts or the way I see anything but this is eroding the little faith I had in myself, I feel so sure every time I "decide" whether I am or am not and of course I'm never sure at all. Living in my head is so inconsistent. I don't have the same opinions from day to day on anything and I feel like I'm going insane. I don't know what the point of this post is but I feel horribly stuck and trapped in my own head with nowhere to go and I desperately wish I could go back to when I didn't know trans people existed at all because feeling like crap all the time for no reason felt a lot better than feeling like crap all the time for specific reasons like I've been doing now. thx for readin [editline]20th January 2018[/editline] I keep feeling like I don't [I]deserve[/I] to transition either, if that makes sense. I worry a lot about how I'd be hurting people if I transitioned, and how I'm hurting people already.[/QUOTE] I sympathise so much with what you wrote and here's some advice of my own 1) realising you might be trans can really fucking suck. you absolutely have my sympathies, it's a hard time, and it tends to spur you to action, and if you can't do anything about it currently it can be really awful. hang in there 2) this is counterintuitive, but even if you have really strong evidence that you are trans (which I think you do!) nobody can [b]ever[/b] prove to themselves that it's true. you will never be able to "prove" that you are a girl. trying to come up with objective proof of this stuff is impossible, because your gender is fundamentally a subjective experience. it's like trying to come up with proof that ice cream tastes good. if you keep analysing and puzzling over it like I did, it's likely that at some point you [B]won't be able to stop even when you realise it has become a problem[/B]. and that's really terrifying and not a situation you want to be in, so please try to keep the analysing to a minimum. 3) instead of analysing, try to focus on things that might make you feel better. if you can get the ball rolling on a therapist appointment, that's a main objective, but there's all kinds of stuff you can do that's productive and necessary that isn't HRT. e.g. having a name sorted, coming out to your family about this stuff (if you think it's safe), learning to shave can reduce dysphoria a lot, try to get some clothes etc. I will say one other thing: dysphoria is not constant for a lot of people, which can be really disorienting (as you mention). from my experience talking to other trans folks, there are often times where they aren't really bothered by their assigned gender. it can wax and wane over the course of days, months even. crucially though, it always comes back. this stuff is amazingly hard even without beating yourself up about it. I hope you are able to relax the need to answer the question of [I]what you are[/I] and focus on [I]what makes you feel good[/I]. you need your feelings to navigate life. p.s. you absolutely deserve to transition. I hope this helps. sending love and support your way [editline]21st January 2018[/editline] here's the article I cribbed all my points from. [url]https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2013/03/17/how-do-i-know-if-im-trans/[/url] it's all true though

dysphoria is legitimately scaring me I was looking at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth like I usually do but my face suddenly looked like a horrible caricature, constantly shifting whenever I moved my head it's seriously disturbed me

[QUOTE=Turnips5;53069607]I sympathise so much with what you wrote and here's some advice of my own 1) realising you might be trans can really fucking suck. you absolutely have my sympathies, it's a hard time, and it tends to spur you to action, and if you can't do anything about it currently it can be really awful. hang in there 2) this is counterintuitive, but even if you have really strong evidence that you are trans (which I think you do!) nobody can [b]ever[/b] prove to themselves that it's true. you will never be able to "prove" that you are a girl. trying to come up with objective proof of this stuff is impossible, because your gender is fundamentally a subjective experience. it's like trying to come up with proof that ice cream tastes good. if you keep analysing and puzzling over it like I did, it's likely that at some point you [B]won't be able to stop even when you realise it has become a problem[/B]. and that's really terrifying and not a situation you want to be in, so please try to keep the analysing to a minimum. 3) instead of analysing, try to focus on things that might make you feel better. if you can get the ball rolling on a therapist appointment, that's a main objective, but there's all kinds of stuff you can do that's productive and necessary that isn't HRT. e.g. having a name sorted, coming out to your family about this stuff (if you think it's safe), learning to shave can reduce dysphoria a lot, try to get some clothes etc. I will say one other thing: dysphoria is not constant for a lot of people, which can be really disorienting (as you mention). from my experience talking to other trans folks, there are often times where they aren't really bothered by their assigned gender. it can wax and wane over the course of days, months even. crucially though, it always comes back. this stuff is amazingly hard even without beating yourself up about it. I hope you are able to relax the need to answer the question of [I]what you are[/I] and focus on [I]what makes you feel good[/I]. you need your feelings to navigate life. p.s. you absolutely deserve to transition. I hope this helps. sending love and support your way [editline]21st January 2018[/editline] here's the article I cribbed all my points from. [url]https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2013/03/17/how-do-i-know-if-im-trans/[/url] it's all true though[/QUOTE] I've read that article a couple of times now and what it tells me isn't reassuring. I really just desperately want/need some authority figure to tell me yes, I am or no, I'm not. I can't get past that no matter how hard I try. I've never trusted my own decisions and this is way too big of a decision to make on my own, I just can't do it myself. I'm not good enough at making decisions.

[QUOTE=cynaraos;53070820]dysphoria is legitimately scaring me I was looking at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth like I usually do but my face suddenly looked like a horrible caricature, constantly shifting whenever I moved my head it's seriously disturbed me[/QUOTE] by the way this is the only time it has happened like this, it's not something that's been going on for long it just. happened very suddenly

It's amazing how good you feel when you get a great set of clothes that matches really well and looks good on you. Honestly never felt like this before with guy clothes...

I'd love to wear cute clothes but I dont feel comfortable in my house at all

[QUOTE=gtanoofa;53071746]I think that even though some parts of the world have come a long way. We still need lots of progress in those parts as well as the parts where it's far worse. [editline]22nd January 2018[/editline] I mean you have actual people here on FP that want trans people to have their biological sex displayed on their ID. That is thinly veiled transphobia and ignorance about trans issues.[/QUOTE] The only place where having someone's sex displayed would make any actual sense would be on medical documents of some sort. Having it on an ID makes absolutely no actual sense no matter [I]how[/I] I try to look at it.

I don't know what I am or what's going on but being male is not working out for me. It just isn't.

[QUOTE=Clovis;53074215]What specifically about it is getting you upset?[/QUOTE] What [I]doesn't[/I] get me upset about it is the better question. The way I look, the way I'm conditioned to act, the ways I'm expected to act, everything about being male is just 600% horrible. I've wished I was born female for years and years now. I can't do anything without thinking "this would be a lot better if I was a girl." It's fucked up and it isn't working.

Ugh, my doctor said to come back in two weeks to go over the blood test results for HRT. So I call for a follow-up appointment and the next one is February 20th. Jesus.

I'll just rip my hair out with my BARE HANDS and then light myself on fire to stop the hair from growing back.

How often do y'all visit the endo and what are the rates usually? I'm paying out of pocket for all of this, so I'm hoping it's not monthly. I can afford a few hundo every few months or so, but definitely not monthly.

i see an endo twice a year and get blood tested about 4 times a year. I could get blood checks done at the GP if I wanted it more often.

Exactly what I expected then. I guess it's a non-issue for me. lol

trans is the dark souls of gay

hey i asked for purple first a few pages ago I'll wait after kiwi, but if they're using purple I'd like a pattern of purple and green [editline]27th January 2018[/editline] I mean if thats ok

a few days ago a guy i walked past apparently thought i was a girl im not even trying to be in girlmode

I've been dying to get my nails done recently. Although I'm not sure if it's the cold weather or what but they have been breaking so easily lately.