Crossdressing & Transgender & A̲L̲L̲I̲E̲S̲ Discussion v. Thread Reassignment Surgery - General

First post woo~ I used to firmly consider myself trans (MtF), but lately I've noticed I've just kinda stopped caring what people think of me or call me, whether it's a boy or a girl. I'm not on HRT and I don't present as a girl when I'm out of the house most of the time, but I'm naturally really feminine so most strangers I've met start out calling me "she", which is actually kind of flattering because I'm not trying to pass. They usually "correct" themselves afterwards though lol. When I'm at home though, I prefer presenting as a girl, but I'm a hiki-NEET so no one calls me "she" unless it's on the internet lol. Anyway, I hope I stick around. Facepunch is a lot different than when I was last here, that's for sure.

I had my induction for my new job today, it turns out the only uniform they had in my size was the ladies one. I mean just looking at it, it looks the same as any other high vis shirt but it makes me feel better knowing.

I really fucking wish i could change my fp username

I finally got in to speak with this kick-ass local doctor that specializes in LGBT health and we talked out what I've been going through with the dysphoria and my depression, as well as my expectations for what any sort of treatment could do. He told me that my outlook on it was realistic and that I was closer to getting on hormones than I might've thought; the only real barrier being that I need to get familiar with a gender therapist somewhat before I start HRT, so about an hour-and-a-half later I walked out of there with a fat stack of references to trans friendly therapists he knew, informed consent papers, and the biggest grin I've had on my face in years. Tomorrow I'm going to be making some calls and [I]hopefully[/I] setting up an appointment; as my doc put it, they're all very good at what they do, and as a result also very busy. Aaaaah, I'm so excited right now that I can barely contain it. And to think that I spent years trying to deny who I was, all for the sake of fear.

[t]https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xft1/v/t1.0-9/12961470_565658120272346_7169051494271806333_n.jpg?oh=9b23e64a7a5baceb85e2cb03cf31b2e0&oe=57877CFB[/t] Hi I'm Neegan

[QUOTE=Ms. Gyroscope;50068819][t]https://scontent-ord1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xft1/v/t1.0-9/12961470_565658120272346_7169051494271806333_n.jpg?oh=9b23e64a7a5baceb85e2cb03cf31b2e0&oe=57877CFB[/t] Hi I'm Neegan[/QUOTE] She wasn't alone.

I find the version no. of the thread funny. [editline]5th April 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Kyle902;50067287]I really fucking wish i could change my fp username[/QUOTE] You used to be able to purchase a name change, but it was removed a few years back. I think it was removed with paying for gold member upgrades. The ability to purchase gold member was removed because of people buying gold member thinking they would get rust keys.

[QUOTE=Kyle902;50067287]I really fucking wish i could change my fp username[/QUOTE] You should try asking a mod if you haven't. I think they will allow it in some cases.

So the two years waiting on the waiting list to see someone at the GIC has been thrown out the window because I moved a few hours south, even though they told me this would have no problems nearly a year ago. I have to restart the entire process again of being referred to a different GIC (Charing Cross), if I wasn't selfmedding I probably would have been having some[I] really[/I] dark thoughts at this moment in time.

Saw the Psychiatrist yesterday, he is referring me to a Endro, once we get an appointment with an Endro we can discuss Puberty Blockers.

[QUOTE=Xonax;50074138]Saw the Psychiatrist yesterday, he is referring me to a Endro, once we get an appointment with an Endro we can discuss Puberty Blockers.[/QUOTE] Once you go endo, shit starts moving really fast.

[QUOTE=GayIlluminati;50079838]Once you go endo, shit starts moving really fast.[/QUOTE] Well not in Australia, we have to wait till I am 18 (I mean if we went through the Family Court it would be faster but 1 year isn't too long, I think I can wait.)

[QUOTE=Xonax;50080300]Well not in Australia, we have to wait till I am 18 (I mean if we went through the Family Court it would be faster but 1 year isn't too long, I think I can wait.)[/QUOTE] That sucks. That sucks really bad.

[QUOTE=GayIlluminati;50080691]That sucks. That sucks really bad.[/QUOTE] If the Family court isn't too expensive (3-4 thousand) and the time to wait isn't too long (sometime this year preferably), then I will pay for it myself out of the backpay Centrelink (Disability payment yey) I receive, assuming they give me the money they owe me.

Idk how to talk about this or whatever but my gender identity has been on my mind a bit lately.......... I just kinda feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with 90% of the guys I've met/known and I'm a lot more open with my emotions and everything I just kind of identify with women more? I dunno if that makes sense. I'm not really confident with myself and I'm sure I'd probably never pass for a chick but yeah.

[QUOTE=fear me;50083306]Idk how to talk about this or whatever but my gender identity has been on my mind a bit lately.......... I just kinda feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with 90% of the guys I've met/known and I'm a lot more open with my emotions and everything I just kind of identify with women more? I dunno if that makes sense. I'm not really confident with myself and I'm sure I'd probably never pass for a chick but yeah.[/QUOTE] I've felt the same way a lot too, but keep in mind that being emotional is not just a girl thing! People tend to get fed a lot of crap about guys being stoic, etc.

anyone else regret not realising earlier that they were probably trans? I feel very stupid. on one hand I ranged from actively fighting against it to dismissing it as a strange kink, and not really thinking about it in day to day life. I may have been on the cusp of a realization when I was 19 but then my mum got cancer and that completely overshadowed it. that along with other medical problems and university and I just ignored it for another 3 years - I just assumed I was fundamentally different somehow from "those people". nope. it sucks because in those three years I masculinised a fair amount (a lot of beard, some pretty significant recession of hair at the temples). I just kept on trying and trying to ignore it instead of doing the responsible thing and go to a doctor about it. it seemed secondary to everything else in life, I just assumed I was unhappy for myriad other reasons. now I honestly don't know if I can pass, when I'm sure I could have managed it when I was 19. sorry, I just had to get that out there, I feel awful about it

[QUOTE=Turnips5;50086621]anyone else regret not realising earlier that they were probably trans? I feel very stupid. on one hand I ranged from actively fighting against it to dismissing it as a strange kink, and not really thinking about it in day to day life. I may have been on the cusp of a realization when I was 19 but then my mum got cancer and that completely overshadowed it. that along with other medical problems and university and I just ignored it for another 3 years - I just assumed I was fundamentally different somehow from "those people". nope. it sucks because in those three years I masculinised a fair amount (a lot of beard, some pretty significant recession of hair at the temples). I just kept on trying and trying to ignore it instead of doing the responsible thing and go to a doctor about it. it seemed secondary to everything else in life, I just assumed I was unhappy for myriad other reasons. now I honestly don't know if I can pass, when I'm sure I could have managed it when I was 19. sorry, I just had to get that out there, I feel awful about it[/QUOTE] I know where you're coming from but i think you're being too hard on yourself. 22 is not a late age to start HRT. As for the facial hair you can get that removed permanently via electrolysis. Hair loss will stop once you get on Estrogen, as a matter of fact theres even a chance that it will reverse it. Odds are that after a year or so of HRT you should be able to pass with relative ease no matter how masculine you think you look now. And dont be too hard on yourself for not coming to terms with yourself earlier. There's no point in beating yourself up over something like that.

aaaaaaaa I just bought a new gothy top and some knee high boots aaaaaaa

Automerge break

[t]http://i.imgur.com/QrqHPHe.png[/t] There's my ugly mug again.

[QUOTE=Turnips5;50086621]anyone else regret not realising earlier that they were probably trans?[/QUOTE] it's never too late to start it's never too late to start IT IS [B][I]NEVER[/I][/B] TOO LATE TO START. LITERALLY NEVER. You could be 80+ years old and it would still be a good time to start. If you are transgender and transitioning is the right choice for you, then you can start whenever you are able. Especially if it will make you comfortable within your own body. Not trying to come across angry or anything, I just see this all the time. It's an important message that I want to get out to as many people as I can. I personally knew a lady who started in her mid-to-late 30's (I think, I could find her timeline on reddit) and she came out of it just fine. I never even knew or questioned her being a woman when I was introduced to her, I just thought she had a deep voice. Again, [b][i]IT IS LITERALLY NEVER TOO LATE TO START[/i][/b].

I think I'm finally starting to go into denial with this even though I didn't think I would, so I can't wait for that to bite me in the ass

[QUOTE=biodude94566;50087761]it's never too late to start it's never too late to start IT IS [B][I]NEVER[/I][/B] TOO LATE TO START. LITERALLY NEVER. You could be 80+ years old and it would still be a good time to start. If you are transgender and transitioning is the right choice for you, then you can start whenever you are able. Especially if it will make you comfortable within your own body. Not trying to come across angry or anything, I just see this all the time. It's an important message that I want to get out to as many people as I can. I personally knew a lady who started in her mid-to-late 30's (I think, I could find her timeline on reddit) and she came out of it just fine. I never even knew or questioned her being a woman when I was introduced to her, I just thought she had a deep voice. Again, [b][i]IT IS LITERALLY NEVER TOO LATE TO START[/i][/b].[/QUOTE] thank you. as soon as I figured it out, I resolved to transition as soon as possible - I'm still not totally sure it's going to be the right choice but I'd rather find out this way than waiting another 10 years and regretting it even more. even when I thought it was just a weird fetish I had accepted it would be with me forever hahah I currently have set the ball rolling on some kind of informed consent arrangement until the NHS finally pulls its finger out however many months/years down the line. so yeah, I'm gonna make it happen. I also just had a heart to heart with my mum about it - I can tell she is very reserved about it and that it's hard for her to accept, she says she thinks it's a bad decision, but ultimately she just wants me to be happy. I think she just needs time and positive examples of what is possible. [editline]7th April 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Shotz;50087965]I think I'm finally starting to go into denial with this even though I didn't think I would, so I can't wait for that to bite me in the ass[/QUOTE] hey, please don't go into denial. what in particular are you in denial about? I'm pretty sure I'm now a master of mental compartmentalization and repression, so I can tell you all about how it sucks and is a waste of time [editline]7th April 2016[/editline] [QUOTE=Kyle902;50086659]I know where you're coming from but i think you're being too hard on yourself. 22 is not a late age to start HRT. As for the facial hair you can get that removed permanently via electrolysis. Hair loss will stop once you get on Estrogen, as a matter of fact theres even a chance that it will reverse it. Odds are that after a year or so of HRT you should be able to pass with relative ease no matter how masculine you think you look now. And dont be too hard on yourself for not coming to terms with yourself earlier. There's no point in beating yourself up over something like that.[/QUOTE] thanks. I know, logically, there's no point at all in having these regrets and they just drag me down pointlessly

[QUOTE=fear me;50083306]Idk how to talk about this or whatever but my gender identity has been on my mind a bit lately.......... I just kinda feel like I have absolutely nothing in common with 90% of the guys I've met/known and I'm a lot more open with my emotions and everything I just kind of identify with women more? I dunno if that makes sense. I'm not really confident with myself and I'm sure I'd probably never pass for a chick but yeah.[/QUOTE] Regarding this, I'm gonna try to start seeing a psychiatrist regularly again, and I'll bring it up with them if I can work up the nerve or w/e.

[QUOTE=fear me;50088792]Regarding this, I'm gonna try to start seeing a psychiatrist regularly again, and I'll bring it up with them if I can work up the nerve or w/e.[/QUOTE] Absolutely do. It's what they're there for, at least as long as you can tell that they're being understanding and accepting.

[QUOTE=Turnips5;50086621]anyone else regret not realising earlier that they were probably trans? I feel very stupid. on one hand I ranged from actively fighting against it to dismissing it as a strange kink, and not really thinking about it in day to day life. I may have been on the cusp of a realization when I was 19 but then my mum got cancer and that completely overshadowed it. that along with other medical problems and university and I just ignored it for another 3 years - I just assumed I was fundamentally different somehow from "those people". nope. it sucks because in those three years I masculinised a fair amount (a lot of beard, some pretty significant recession of hair at the temples). I just kept on trying and trying to ignore it instead of doing the responsible thing and go to a doctor about it. it seemed secondary to everything else in life, I just assumed I was unhappy for myriad other reasons. now I honestly don't know if I can pass, when I'm sure I could have managed it when I was 19. sorry, I just had to get that out there, I feel awful about it[/QUOTE] Eh, I did but it's nothing that can be changed. My therapist told me any time before 25 is optimal for the best effects but there's no such thing as a bad time to start.

[QUOTE=Turnips5;50086621] I feel very stupid. on one hand I ranged from actively fighting against it to dismissing it as a strange kink, and not really thinking about it in day to day life. [/QUOTE] Sounds familiar. I have been feeling awful about something similar lately and throughout the last 4~ years, and I genuinely feel that after reading through a few recent posts specifically by people that I really am not alone in how I feel. I haven't ever really told anyone and I hope to god I don't regret posting this on my main account regardless, it sure as fuck doesn't make it easier to write but I've always had lingering thoughts since I was very little that I simply shouldnt be male. I remember even looking in the mirror when I was very young, before puberty and wishing to myself that I could be female. I even remember things in regard to that, that are just.. not really something I want to mention. I feel like the reason I've been very aggressive and angry in the past is simply out of myself refusing to believe what my body felt. Refusing to accept how I truly felt. Yet I still don't know how to think about myself and what the hell I even am anymore, I feel sick because I know posting this will make me vilified among my friends that read Facepunch. But I have to put it out there, this is an internal struggle that I absolutely loathe myself for, and maybe it's natural, maybe it isn't. But I sure as hell wish that I could just be happy regardless of whatever answer I need to find as it has driven me to contemplate suicide in the past. thanks for reading, even though it's a wall I hope someone can understand where I'm coming from

Good luck, wish something like that if it had to come down to it wouldn't result in me being kicked out.

around two to three years ago, I and the (school) class I was in were discussing what we were going to educate ourselves to be when growing up. while I don't remember specifically what others talked about, I remember practically exactly what I said about the subject. I was for some reason asked about whether or not I would [I]"turn out to become <my birth name>"[/I]. my answer to that question was basically me saying that I couldn't say "yes" with certainty. meanwhile, here I am today, very certain that I actually am transgendered, and I will obviously not turn out to become <my birth name> when I'm grown up.. I think it should be noted that I barely was questioning whether or not I was transgendered by then.