Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Zorkov]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42072111]uh, hello? do the women in question get any say in this? they're not property, have you considered letting the girls you like decide who they're more interested in for themselves?[/QUOTE]

obviously i know that, and obviously i put consideration into that. but my friend threatened to never talk to me again, and i put more value into my friendship than i did into the prospect of a relationship.

and also, i don't intend to whine, really. if it seems that way, i'll just stop. i'm really only asking for advice, this situation is new to me and perhaps not so new to you guys.

[thisispain]

but you didnt ask for advice you just wanted us to call your friend an asshole which is super unfair to him.

[Zorkov]

no i did not, i wanted you to tell me whether he was or not objectively. obviously i am inclined to think he is one because i am the one who has lost out in this situation.

truly i just want you to thoroughly convince me why i am wrong and why he is justified, so that i don't destroy my friendship with him out of heat-of-the-moment anger

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=OrkO;42072133]and also, i don't intend to whine, really. if it seems that way, i'll just stop. i'm really only asking for advice, this situation is new to me and perhaps not so new to you guys.[/QUOTE]

your last post was just "is this thing my friend did assholish" so i don't really know what advice you're looking for. there's not much you can do aside from wait it out, like loopoo said people new to relationships tend to get really clingy and neglect their friends. if he's ignoring you then just give it time and hang out with other people or something, he'll come to his senses one way or another.
and it's shitty that he broke your pact, but it's not a very good pact to have, if you both like a girl then it's up to her if she's interested in either of you. but considering his loyalty as a friend, you may want to reconsider your friendship.

[Loopoo]

OrkO, you joined in 2004, so I'm guessing you at least have to be 20 years old? The fact your best friend swore to never talk to you if you made a move on the girl he liked screams immaturity. I actually guessed you were highschoolers. The fact he went back on his word (even though it was such a pathetic promise) makes me think he's a bit of an ass, and not a friend worth keeping around, especially if he's so easily quick to blow you off. Seems you can learn more than one lesson from all this.

[Zorkov]

yeah i suppose you're right. it does feel a bit immature and highschoolish, doesn't it? me and my friends don't really have a whole lot of relationship experience (surprising, huh, with how big of a deal this seems to both of us) so that's probably why it seems that way.

[editline]4th September 2013[/editline]

thanks for the advice though. wish i didn't seem like an immature asshole in the process of explaining it, but there's not really any way to get my situation across without it seeming immature and pathetic (save, obviously, for simply never posting in here at all, but then it would be harder to actually learn from it without getting advice from you, wouldn't it?)

[MindMuncher]

[QUOTE=loopoo;42072189]OrkO, you joined in 2004, so I'm guessing you at least have to be 20 years old? The fact your best friend swore to never talk to you if you made a move on the girl he liked screams immaturity. I actually guessed you were highschoolers. The fact he went back on his word (even though it was such a pathetic promise) makes me think he's a bit of an ass, and not a friend worth keeping around, especially if he's so easily quick to blow you off. Seems you can learn more than one lesson from all this.[/QUOTE]

Loopoo, you always know the way to our hearts

[Loopoo]

Tbh, he seems like a somewhat shitty friend now that I've gotten more backstory to it. Leave him and the girl to it and move on. I genuinely thought you guys were highschoolers so I figured it wasn't a big deal, but your best friend seems like a manchild.

EDIT: you didn't come across as an immature asshole. Just someone who's been hurt (and maybe a tad bit of immaturity, but we're all prone to that!).

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=OrkO;42072212]yeah i suppose you're right. it does feel a bit immature and highschoolish, doesn't it? me and my friends don't really have a whole lot of relationship experience (surprising, huh, with how big of a deal this seems to both of us) so that's probably why it seems that way.[/QUOTE]

i'm gravitating toward unwarranted advice here, but in the future, try and distinguish between relationships and dating and acknowledge that dating isn't a big deal. in high school it's a huge thing (partly because you see each other every day anyway and there's a distinction between just spending time together and "dating"), but as an adult it's more of "i think you're interesting and would like to make plans to see you again". even if a girl isn't interested most people will be flattered by the compliment if you ask them out, and the people who aren't flattered aren't really worth being concerned over.
just don't hesitate to ask someone out if you're interested, waiting never helped anyone and the "i've had a crush on you for years" line is really unflattering outside of the movies. asking someone out and getting turned down won't make or break your friendship unless the person who asked lets it.

[Zorkov]

[QUOTE=loopoo;42072226]Tbh, he seems like a somewhat shitty friend now that I've gotten more backstory to it. Leave him and the girl to it and move on. I genuinely thought you guys were highschoolers so I figured it wasn't a big deal, but your best friend seems like a manchild.[/QUOTE]

well that's why i gave the backstory, because i know how it initially came across. that's also why i put emphasis on the fact that me and her had been talking for so long. my friend is a lot more emotionally charged, and does things on whim purely out of emotion, seemingly without thinking them through. i deliberate a lot more. probably excessively, given how long we were talking, but more nonetheless. i'm not saying either of us is really in the right or wrong, it's a very convoluted and frivolous situation

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42072232]i'm gravitating toward unwarranted advice here, but in the future, try and distinguish between relationships and dating and acknowledge that dating isn't a big deal. in high school it's a huge thing (partly because you see each other every day anyway and there's a distinction between just spending time together and "dating"), but as an adult it's more of "i think you're interesting and would like to make plans to see you again". even if a girl isn't interested most people will be flattered by the compliment if you ask them out, and the people who aren't flattered aren't really worth being concerned over.
just don't hesitate to ask someone out if you're interested, waiting never helped anyone and the "i've had a crush on you for years" line is really unflattering outside of the movies. asking someone out and getting turned down won't make or break your friendship unless the person who asked lets it.[/QUOTE]

i suppose that another problem of mine lies within the fact that i have this tendency to make friends with girls before asking them on dates, which complicates things a bit more. i don't think i've really ever asked someone i didn't know very much out on a date purely to get to know them better, i kind of just gradually talk to them more and hang around them without ever calling it a 'date'. possibly those actions are indistinguishable, other than the emotional and personal connotations of the latter. i don't really know what to make of this or how to improve it.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=OrkO;42072272]i suppose that another problem of mine lies within the fact that i have this tendency to make friends with girls before asking them on dates, which complicates things a bit more. i don't think i've really ever asked someone i didn't know very much out on a date purely to get to know them better, i kind of just gradually talk to them more and hang around them without ever calling it a 'date'. possibly those actions are indistinguishable, other than the emotional and personal connotations of the latter. i don't really know what to make of this or how to improve it.[/QUOTE]

there's nothing wrong with befriending people first. just in general, adults are a lot more laid-back about dating - most adults have busy lives and don't have easy opportunities to spend time meeting people. as a high school student you've usually got an hour of time to just hang out and talk to people during lunch, but once you're out of hs there aren't many opportunities like that presented to you. so if you're in a situation where you don't naturally see the person on a daily basis you usually have to make plans if you want to see them again.
but if you do meet someone you're interested in romantically, make your intentions clear and don't assume anything about your relationship with each other unless you've explicitly stated it. (nothing like having a guy ask you out to the movies as friends and then try and put his fucking arm around you.)

[MindMuncher]

I've a lot of love for this thread's posters.
Wanted you guys to know, that is all!

[Loopoo]

As long as said love isn't directed too much Yahnick's way, we're good (I'd stop with the whole romance thing but it's too fun).

[Zorkov]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42072331]there's nothing wrong with befriending people first. just in general, adults are a lot more laid-back about dating - most adults have busy lives and don't have easy opportunities to spend time meeting people. as a high school student you've usually got an hour of time to just hang out and talk to people during lunch, but once you're out of hs there aren't many opportunities like that presented to you. so if you're in a situation where you don't naturally see the person on a daily basis you usually have to make plans if you want to see them again.
but if you do meet someone you're interested in romantically, make your intentions clear and don't assume anything about your relationship with each other unless you've explicitly stated it. (nothing like having a guy ask you out to the movies as friends and then try and put his fucking arm around you.)[/QUOTE]

well, the whole communication thing may be my problem too, because not much had been explicitly stated at all in the course of our friendship, or, what i wanted to be a relationship. she plans to major in psychology and minor in biology, whereas i plan to major in biology, i suppose my point being that we have the same bio class on the same hour monday wednesday and friday. it's massive, i think there are upward of 300 students in the class, but i still sit next to her and we study together as well. but we have also done other things too, like seen movies and got breakfast. it has never been explicitly stated as being either just 'as friends' or as a date. it's just never come up, we just do these things without ever talking about them or stating anything. i don't really know how i would go about doing that. like instead of 'hey wanna go get breakfast with me tomorrow morning,' 'hey want to go on a date to x place tomorrow morning'

but then it seems really underwhelming because we tended to just get breakfast at mcdonalds and study there for awhile or something

now that i think about it, i'm not really sure how my friend handled it. perhaps she had been waiting for me to ask her on a date and i never did, so she just got tired of waiting and readily accepted when my friend asked her instead. that may very well be what happened now that i think about it

[editline]4th September 2013[/editline]

well i feel really stupid now after reflecting on this. i bet that really is what it was.

[editline]4th September 2013[/editline]

maybe if i had been more forward i could have just avoided this whole thing. i guess hindsight is 20/20 though

[Loopoo]

A moment of silence for our friend who regularly has McDonald's breakfasts. How can you enjoy that? I had it once and it sat like a rock in my stomach and made me feel really greasy and sick at 9am in the morning. Best way to start the day!

But yes, that may very well have been the case, and now it sucks even more. [I]Learn from this.[/I] Do not let your inactivity ever be the reason you and someone else don't work out. It sucks that you were so close as well. She probably got the vibe that you just wanted to be friends. Ahhh!

[Zorkov]

one thing that me and her always agreed on is, gross though their regular menu may be, mcdonald's breakfast menu items- specifically egg and sausage mcmuffins -are a godsend.

i suppose that's one reason why i'm so bitter, as well. me and this girl had so much in common and i really felt like we had a special thing. she mentioned to me several times that there are things she's said and jokes she's shared and things like that which she would never feel comfortable telling anybody else or any other friend, and i've felt the same for myself.

it's disappointing that i've missed that opportunity, and it's even more disappointing that my best friend has it in place of me, and it's even further disappointing that i now have their lack of attention (immature, perhaps, i know) to accept in addition. but i have learned a lot just from reflecting on all of this.

really i figure my only option is just to accept the fact that i missed out and move on. i suppose that, really, every girl a person has feelings for seems special and one of a kind at the time, and i'm hoping i'll grow out of that and find someone else. i've never really had the best luck with this kind of thing though.

[editline]4th September 2013[/editline]

one thing that is particularly uncomfortable about this situation too is that generally when i felt bad because something happened to me, i'd talk to someone i'm close to such as my best friend, or that girl. now i feel like i have nobody to talk to. sure i have other friends, but nobody who i talk about really personal things like that with. but at this point i feel like i've really overdramatized my situation

[editline]4th September 2013[/editline]

thanks for all of the help though. i feel, now, that i was a bit dramatic... but, once i found out what was happening after having suspected it for a few days, i just needed to vent my frustrations is all

[Deathhunter]

So guys I need help.
I got into university and holy crap I have made a fuckton of friends.
So I'm seeing this one girl and she is really cute and all and I've made advances for her and I'm in the midst of arranging a nice date together.

Now here's the hairy problem. There's this other guy who's into her and he is in the "friendship circle" with me in university. I asked him whether he was into her and he said yes. I didn't tell him I liked her so what do I do if I still want to maintain a friendship with him AND have a relationship with the girl? Or is this a sacrifice situation?

[Bobie]

[QUOTE=Deathhunter;42076084]So guys I need help.
I got into university and holy crap I have made a fuckton of friends.
So I'm seeing this one girl and she is really cute and all and I've made advances for her and I'm in the midst of arranging a nice date together.

Now here's the hairy problem. There's this other guy who's into her and he is in the "friendship circle" with me in university. I asked him whether he was into her and he said yes. I didn't tell him I liked her so what do I do if I still want to maintain a friendship with him AND have a relationship with the girl? Or is this a sacrifice situation?[/QUOTE]

you can't 'reserve' women like they're some form of property. if she's into you, and you're into her, don't hold back; if he de-friends you because of the situation it would be pretty childish of him and in no way your fault.

[Dead Madman]

I need a simple answer to a simple question, how do I get over her? The dumping was done on her part, she's in most of my classes in school, she's no longer interested in me, every time I see her in school I try to fight the fact that I still have feelings for her, but something tells me there's still a chance, even though I consciously know that there isn't. How do I stop this?

[Big Dumb Patriot]

I am reaching compromises with my dad on school and career choices! I was researching different programs and colleges all last night, and throughout this morning and afternoon, and found some cool programs that tie into what I want to do in a more involved way, which makes me happy. They also offer actual degrees and college hours, as opposed to certifications and ratings, which makes my dad happy.

I'm looking at schools credited by the American Boat & Yacht Club's Marine League program, which is intended to provide a nationally recognized set of standards for those pursuing education in marine technology, especially as it relates to seacraft. They're two-year courses that go above and beyond just learning engine mechanics and body repair; you learn essentially every aspect of a ship, including its electrical, navigation, and communication systems! Certain schools even offer shipwrighting and marine fabrication, meaning you could design and build a smaller vessel from the ground up!

Graduating earns you an Associate's degree in applied science with a skillset that makes for a fantastic launch platform into a Bachelor's for advanced marine technology. And the best part is, it's not very math intensive at all! There's some, but nowhere near as much or as difficult as what I was looking at with engineering.

Here, check out my top choice of school so far:

[url]http://www.broward.edu/academics/programs/Program%20Sheet%20Library/A040.pdf[/url]

What's cool is that with an associate's degree in this field, I can still go work at a marina fixing boats if I want to, but it also offers me a lot of flexibility. Continuing my education into a bachelor's degee, a natural progression, would allow me to essentially pick a job in any facet of marine technology that I find interesting: even up to the operation and maintenance of equipment and sensors on scientific research vessels (including unmanned submersibles, which ties in nicely with the UAV training I received in the army [it wasn't all wasted after all!]).

Thank you for the advice, folks. I'm glad I decided to continue researching the subject. I'm putting engineering to rest and aiming for something a little higher than motorboat mechanic. I think I'm finding something here that I can get excited about, and something that my dad can get behind. I don't need his approval, but it's still important to me; I'm glad to have it.

[Fire Kracker]

i'm glad it worked out for you

it's always nice to get your dad's approval

[editline]4th September 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=Dead Madman;42078042]I need a simple answer to a simple question, how do I get over her? The dumping was done on her part, she's in most of my classes in school, she's no longer interested in me, every time I see her in school I try to fight the fact that I still have feelings for her, but something tells me there's still a chance, even though I consciously know that there isn't. How do I stop this?[/QUOTE]

tbh i don't think there's a specific way other than time

i felt that way about my ex for over a year but as long as you know consciously that there isn't over time it'll just fade away

if you find someone new too the time it takes for you to move on is very fast

[OficerHonkHonk]

Is there any advice you guys could give me for boosting confidence? I try talking to this one girl, but I get really fucking nervous after a while.

[Splash Attack]

This should be in the OP or something.

Force yourself to do it. You gain confidence by putting yourself in awkward positions and make it less awkward as a result.

[Used Car Salesm]

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;42078419]I am reaching compromises with my dad on school and career choices! I was researching different programs and colleges all last night, and throughout this morning and afternoon, and found some cool programs that tie into what I want to do in a more involved way, which makes me happy. They also offer actual degrees and college hours, as opposed to certifications and ratings, which makes my dad happy.

I'm looking at schools credited by the American Boat & Yacht Club's Marine League program, which is intended to provide a nationally recognized set of standards for those pursuing education in marine technology, especially as it relates to seacraft. They're two-year courses that go above and beyond just learning engine mechanics and body repair; you learn essentially every aspect of a ship, including its electrical, navigation, and communication systems! Certain schools even offer shipwrighting and marine fabrication, meaning you could design and build a smaller vessel from the ground up!

Graduating earns you an Associate's degree in applied science with a skillset that makes for a fantastic launch platform into a Bachelor's for advanced marine technology. And the best part is, it's not very math intensive at all! There's some, but nowhere near as much or as difficult as what I was looking at with engineering.

Here, check out my top choice of school so far:

[url]http://www.broward.edu/academics/programs/Program%20Sheet%20Library/A040.pdf[/url]

What's cool is that with an associate's degree in this field, I can still go work at a marina fixing boats if I want to, but it also offers me a lot of flexibility. Continuing my education into a bachelor's degee, a natural progression, would allow me to essentially pick a job in any facet of marine technology that I find interesting: even up to the operation and maintenance of equipment and sensors on scientific research vessels (including unmanned submersibles, which ties in nicely with the UAV training I received in the army [it wasn't all wasted after all!]).

Thank you for the advice, folks. I'm glad I decided to continue researching the subject. I'm putting engineering to rest and aiming for something a little higher than motorboat mechanic. I think I'm finding something here that I can get excited about, and something that my dad can get behind. I don't need his approval, but it's still important to me; I'm glad to have it.[/QUOTE]

For the love of god, don't stop at an AAS. If they're anything like auto tech shops, then boat tech shops aren't going to give a rat's ass about your degree, and neither will anyone outside the industry.

Besides, a few years of turning wrenches for a living will leave you feeling like you made a horrible decision in life. Please, trust me on that one.

[Big Dumb Patriot]

[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42081815]For the love of god, don't stop at an AAS. If they're anything like auto tech shops, then boat tech shops aren't going to give a rat's ass about your degree, and neither will anyone outside the industry.

Besides, a few years of turning wrenches for a living will leave you feeling like you made a horrible decision in life. Please, trust me on that one.[/QUOTE]

This is a marine technician degree, not a marine mechanic. I was getting the terms mixed up before, but they're pretty different! A Marine Technician has a stronger focus on oceanographic equipment and sensors, like those used on research vessels. The Associate of Applied Science will give me the technical background needed, because a Marine Technician is still expected to know how to turn a wrench and keep things seaworthy, but as I transition into my bachelor's degree I'll also be transitioning into the scientific field more thoroughly. I'll be working at marinas during school, but once I've graduated I'll likely pursue a switch to a marine laboratory or onshore support facility for one somewhere! Or, if I'm feeling particularly adventurous, I may even gun for a position aboard an actual research vessel out at sea, keeping their various gadgets and doodads ship-shape and gathering data. Marine Techs are like lab assistants: they keep the equipment running and gather data. And that sounds awesome to me.

I actually like the idea of being a mechanic and working on yachts and boats and stuff too, because I think yachts and boats and stuff are super rad, but I'm not planning to stop there! Once I have my bachelor's as a Marine Technician, I'll have a lot more options, and unless I'm really enjoying my job and my environment, I'll almost certainly pursue 'em.

I'm pretty stoked about this path. I'm still figuring things out, obviously, but I'm getting my ducks in a row! I've got a general plan that I think sounds pretty good, and that has pappy's seal of approvial. Now I just gotta fill in the blanks. The first thing will be choosing which college I head to for my associate's, which I think I've got. I'll be heading there next year, unless I find anything more promising in the meantime. After that, I'll have to find a four-year university to hit up for the bachelors degree.

[MindMuncher]

Happy for you BDA!

[Agoat]

[QUOTE=Deathhunter;42076084]So guys I need help.
I got into university and holy crap I have made a fuckton of friends.
So I'm seeing this one girl and she is really cute and all and I've made advances for her and I'm in the midst of arranging a nice date together.

Now here's the hairy problem. There's this other guy who's into her and he is in the "friendship circle" with me in university. I asked him whether he was into her and he said yes. I didn't tell him I liked her so what do I do if I still want to maintain a friendship with him AND have a relationship with the girl? Or is this a sacrifice situation?[/QUOTE]
Since you've asked him, if you get with the girl you become a villain. It really depends on how much you're into her and if both you and the other guy could potentially walk away like bros are supposed to.

[QUOTE=OficerHonkHonk;42081033]Is there any advice you guys could give me for boosting confidence? I try talking to this one girl, but I get really fucking nervous after a while.[/QUOTE]
Get me on Steam. I got you.

[Breakfast Buddy]

My life is pretty boring sometimes when it comes to online friends. I have a lot of IRL friends but few of them are on Steam and such. After work I get bored just sitting in my apartment and I'm really trying to replace drinking my ass off at bars with some good social gaming.

In terms of women, well

my dream-girl broke up with me so I'm just trying to be happy by myself because I don't think I'll get over it for a little bit.

[Joppari]

Give me quick self empowerment to ask this girl out
i will after the empowerment
it makes me magical
do it

[Breakfast Buddy]

You can do it if you don't do it then you'll regret not doing it.