Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Joppari]

ty i did it
we see tomorrow with her

[editline]5th September 2013[/editline]

we grab a drink
is this considered a date
never mentioned date

i've grabbed drinks with her before

[Breakfast Buddy]

That is even better, now you can make your moves without the stress of it being titled a "date"

getting drinks is casual, but if it feels right after, maybe ask the person to dinner or other event another day.

[Joppari]

yes
thank you mentor sir

[Splash Attack]

I've been feeling a hell of a lot better lately concerning my ex. I stopped blaming myself for what I should have done and came to terms with my situation. In fact, after thinking it over for a while, I've finally realized that what I was blaming myself for wasn't my fault at all. She told me she felt unappreciated and that she didn't think I cared about her, when my actions pointed to the complete opposite. I would drive a half hour to her house and back again, sometimes twice in one day multiple times a week just to see her. Whenever I would take her out somewhere, I was always the one to pay for her. I was almost always the first person to text her, and I was always the one to suggest going out somewhere. I didn't acknowledge it then, but looking back it feels just so one-sided. It's like I was the only one putting effort into our relationship and she was just there for a ride. And yet, she tells me that I didn't show her that I cared enough, and that she didn't feel appreciated, and she leaves me to immediately enter a relationship with someone else. What more did she want? Do I really have to constantly reminder of how beautiful I think she is or how important she is to me just to maintain our relationship together? If I have to make a conscious effort to make her feel worth something more than what already comes naturally, then it probably wasn't meant to be.

I wouldn't tell her any of this now, because it would probably just piss her off, despite her wanting me to be ~open~ about by feelings. But, holy shit it feels so good to let that out and I am so damn ready to move on now.

[Breakfast Buddy]

[QUOTE=Splash Attack;42090495]I've been feeling a hell of a lot better lately concerning my ex. I stopped blaming myself for what I should have done and came to terms with my situation. In fact, after thinking it over for a while, I've finally realized that what I was blaming myself for wasn't my fault at all. She told me she felt unappreciated and that she didn't think I cared about her, when my actions pointed to the complete opposite. I would drive a half hour to her house and back again, sometimes twice in one day multiple times a week just to see her. Whenever I would take her out somewhere, I was always the one to pay for her. I was almost always the first person to text her, and I was always the one to suggest going out somewhere. I didn't acknowledge it then, but looking back it feels just so one-sided. It's like I was the only one putting effort into our relationship and she was just there for a ride. And yet, she tells me that I didn't show her that I cared enough, and that she didn't feel appreciated, and she leaves me to immediately enter a relationship with someone else. What more did she want? Do I really have to constantly reminder of how beautiful I think she is or how important she is to me just to maintain our relationship together? If I have to make a conscious effort to make her feel worth something more than what already comes naturally, then it probably wasn't meant to be.

I wouldn't tell her any of this now, because it would probably just piss her off, despite her wanting me to be ~open~ about by feelings. But, holy shit it feels so good to let that out and I am so damn ready to move on now.[/QUOTE]

I wish I could think like you. It's been two months since my ex broke up with me, and I still can not stop blaming myself for the mistakes I made, and still am worried about going places downtown because I'm worried I'll see her with someone else.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Glitchman;42090437]That is even better, now you can make your moves without the stress of it being titled a "date"[/QUOTE]

DO NOT ever do this
there is nothing more uncomfortable than going somewhere with a guy "as friends" and then having him suddenly put his fucking arm around you
and don't ask "so should we call this a date?" after you've already hung out because if the feelings aren't mutual it means that you and the girl spent your time together with completely different expectations, and (if it isn't mutual) implies that you've been completely misinterpreting her behavior toward you.
if you want to go on a date make sure the person you're asking fully understands your intentions and don't spring them on her later on. it's manipulative withholding that until after she's agreed to go out and then putting her on the spot.

[Joppari]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42090610]DO NOT ever do this
there is nothing more uncomfortable than going somewhere with a guy "as friends" and then having him suddenly put his fucking arm around you
and don't ask "so should we call this a date?" after you've already hung out because if the feelings aren't mutual it means that you and the girl spent your time together with completely different expectations, and (if it isn't mutual) implies that you've been completely misinterpreting her behavior toward you.
if you want to go on a date make sure the person you're asking fully understands your intentions and don't spring them on her later on. it's manipulative withholding that until after she's agreed to go out and then putting her on the spot.[/QUOTE]

wasnt gonna do this
i just hate to talk on internet i want to talk face to face it feels more natural
i feel awkward on internet
just want to get to know her better, its not exactly a date
we've grabbed drinks before

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Joppari;42090708]wasnt gonna do this
i just hate to talk on internet i want to talk face to face it feels more natural
i feel awkward on internet
just want to get to know her better, its not exactly a date
we've grabbed drinks before[/QUOTE]

that sort of thing is ok, i'm not accusing you of doing it. just.. bad advice.

[Nikeos]

[QUOTE=Glitchman;42090437]That is even better, now you can make your moves without the stress of it being titled a "date"

getting drinks is casual, but if it feels right after, maybe ask the person to dinner or other event another day.[/QUOTE]

this advice psychically hurts me to read

i once went out with my friend to get some eats and watch a movie - no mentioning of "date" or "hey i like you". when he gave me a lift home, he said "we should do this again sometime" and texted me he wanted it to be a date

so fucking awkward

please no one ever take that advice. there should never be any stress of something be called a "date"

[Breakfast Buddy]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42090610]DO NOT ever do this
there is nothing more uncomfortable than going somewhere with a guy "as friends" and then having him suddenly put his fucking arm around you
and don't ask "so should we call this a date?" after you've already hung out because if the feelings aren't mutual it means that you and the girl spent your time together with completely different expectations, and (if it isn't mutual) implies that you've been completely misinterpreting her behavior toward you.
if you want to go on a date make sure the person you're asking fully understands your intentions and don't spring them on her later on. it's manipulative withholding that until after she's agreed to go out and then putting her on the spot.[/QUOTE]

Um... no? organic situations can be much more comfortable than full blown dates.

or maybe it's because im 26 and things are much different

[editline]5th September 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=Nikeos;42091097]this advice psychically hurts me to read

i once went out with my friend to get some eats and watch a movie - no mentioning of "date" or "hey i like you". when he gave me a lift home, he said "we should do this again sometime" and texted me he wanted it to be a date

so fucking awkward

please no one ever take that advice. there should never be any stress of something be called a "date"[/QUOTE]

Are you kidding me, that doesn't sound awkward at all. That's why you hang out as friends first, not just jump into dates

even if you like them, invite them out on non-dates first to get a feel for things.

also there is a huge grey-area in the term "date"

maybe my advice was misunderstood but the reality of the situation is that if you are into a girl/guy, get his/her number, and ask her to go somewhere with you, it is pretty much a "date", with or without the title. You want to remain flexible with these things and not adhere labels. Trust me, I've been through this shit a lot and I honestly believe the information I gave to him is legit

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Glitchman;42091939]maybe my advice was misunderstood but the reality of the situation is that if you are into a girl/guy, get his/her number, and ask her to go somewhere with you, it is pretty much a "date", with or without the title. You want to remain flexible with these things and not adhere labels. Trust me, I've been through this shit a lot and I honestly believe the information I gave to him is legit[/QUOTE]

ok, great. and i've been on the receiving end of the bullshit stunts you're apparently pulling and there is no situation more uncomfortable than unwittingly being dragged onto a date.
and yes, your age might play a part in this because most of the people who request advice here are teens/college students and asking someone of the opposite sex to hang out with you doesn't imply that you're romantically interested in them for younger age groups.
and if you really think that using the word "date" on something that you already consider a date is "adding pressure" to it then that's your own problem.

[editline]5th September 2013[/editline]

all that using the word "date" does is clarify that you both have the same intentions.

[zukriuchen]

[QUOTE=Glitchman;42091939]maybe my advice was misunderstood but the reality of the situation is that if you are into a girl/guy, get his/her number, and ask her to go somewhere with you, it is pretty much a "date", with or without the title. You want to remain flexible with these things and not adhere labels. Trust me, I've been through this shit a lot and I honestly believe the information I gave to him is legit[/QUOTE]

That really depends. If you just met someone, talk with them for a while and get their number, your intentions might be pretty obvious. But if that someone was someone you've known for a while, you probably need to make your intentions clear.

And why would you want to "remain flexible"? What does that even mean? If you're into someone and you want to let them know you're into them why not begin by going on a date and calling it so?

[Fire Kracker]

i like asking people on a date straight up because then i know they're interested in atleast trying from the get go

[Zorkov]

so i was telling my friend today how it was stupid that i was ever upset with him after having asked out the girl i liked, that i overreacted, and that, as a friend, i should have just been happy for him from the get-go, making clear that i am now

to which he replied saying:
"yeah dude, i understand, it's whatever! i didn't know u liked her that much! anyway, when i'm done with her u can have her, if u know what i mean lol"

insinuating that all he wants to do is have sex with her. if that text didn't imply it clearly enough, the ones afterward certainly did.

should i even involve myself? i think i'll just step back and let whatever happens happens because at this point it's really not my business

[Dr. Gestapo]

[QUOTE=OrkO;42094284]so i was telling my friend today how it was stupid that i was ever upset with him after having asked out the girl i liked, that i overreacted, and that, as a friend, i should have just been happy for him from the get-go, making clear that i am now

to which he replied saying:
"yeah dude, i understand, it's whatever! i didn't know u liked her that much! anyway, when i'm done with her u can have her, if u know what i mean lol"

insinuating that all he wants to do is have sex with her. if that text didn't imply it clearly enough, the ones afterward certainly did.

should i even involve myself? i think i'll just step back and let whatever happens happens because at this point it's really not my business[/QUOTE]

it doesn't really seem worth getting involved in. as you said, it's none of your business anymore, you should just move on and focus on yourself imo

[Zorkov]

i mean, i know obviously this sounds really immature, but it kind of irritates me (beyond the fact that i have/had feelings for her) that she is being objectified by him

i probably sound terrible even mentioning this whole thing, like i shouldn't involve myself and it's none of my business and he can do what he wants etc.

[editline]6th September 2013[/editline]

whoops broken automerge, but yeah.

[editline]6th September 2013[/editline]

i just feel bad from a third person perspective because i feel like she is going into that whole thing expecting something of a real full fledged relationship without knowing that he isn't willing to put much effort into it and has plans to just cut her off sooner or later

i'm also afraid that, once all is said and done, she will find out that i knew what was going to happen and will be upset that i never told her. i wish i just never had this conversation with my friend, ignorance is bliss

[Fire Kracker]

if you guys are close call him out then, don't come off as angry or anything but tell him you're disgusted

bro's are honest with each other don't be the bystander

[Zorkov]

well, as soon as he told me that he and she had a thing i got pretty mad because naturally i was a bit jealous etc., but now, immediately after having told him that i was sorry for that and that i'm happy they're together, he sprung that on me. i don't know if going back once more to "i'm disgusted" would be the best thing. i feel like this is a catch-22 because if i call him out there's a chance he'll be pissed at me and the resentment will just built, but if i don't say anything and she finds out that i knew and never told her, i'd also be in a bad situation. and i obviously can't go straight to her because he would inevitably find out that i did, especially if their relationship ended just because of it.

[Taepodong-2]

So there's this girl I know from school last year who I've never really thought of as someone I would want to date until today. I ended up walking to her class with her because we were both going to the same building and we were actually able to talk the whole way there. There was only one awkward silence and she was the one who ended it. But I'm worried that the only reason I could talk to her so naturally was because I had no intention of ever wanting to date her and if I change that I'm worried about turning into a stuttering awkward mess.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42094863]So there's this girl I know from school last year who I've never really thought of as someone I would want to date until today. I ended up walking to her class with her because we were both going to the same building and we were actually able to talk the whole way there. There was only one awkward silence and she was the one who ended it. But I'm worried that the only reason I could talk to her so naturally was because I had no intention of ever wanting to date her and if I change that I'm worried about turning into a stuttering awkward mess.[/QUOTE]

be honest about who you are regardless of whether you're attracted to the person or not. if you act normally and don't worry about setting the right image, then you'll meet someone who likes you for who you are.
and you might not be as awkward as you think. i walked out of a bookstore the other day feeling like a "stuttering awkward mess" just like you and opened my bag to find a guy's number in it.

[Aries]

moved back to my old home town because there was no use being in the city i was in by myself, but feel like i'm losing all of the friends i had. at least my old job is nice and cozy.

[Shark Cat]

So the girl I have mentioned way too much in my thread wrote some huge paragraph about how she's lonely and upset without me to talk to; but I really thought I should stick by what I was going to do to get rid of my feelings for her, and she knows that. What do I do? Do I stay friends with her or continue as I was?

[Heigou]

let the bish rot if she wont pogostick your dick

[Shark Cat]

If I had read that before I gave in and let her manipulate me in to agreeing to be friends again I swear my whole outlook on this situation would have been different :v:

[Splash Attack]

I found this TED talk. It gives really good and inspirational advice on how to be more confident and socially powerful, so I decided to share it with you guyus.

[video=youtube;Ks-_Mh1QhMc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc[/video]

[Gatsby]

I don't know what I wanna do once I'm out of school. No idea at all. I don't want to be some 9-5 cubicle clown that's for sure, maybe I want to help people. Like lots and lots of people. Not that soup kitchen volunteer bullshit either. I want to give the homeless the fishing rod, not just the fish.

I wanna do some huge impact in the world. I don't want to be on my death bed and look back into my memories and see myself being the average consumer, spenting my whole life making others richer so I can buy some materialistic things to keep me distracted on the fact that my life is wasting away.

I don't want that. I want to be somebody.

[Agoat]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42092455]ok, great. and i've been on the receiving end of the bullshit stunts you're apparently pulling and there is no situation more uncomfortable than unwittingly being dragged onto a date.
and yes, your age might play a part in this because most of the people who request advice here are teens/college students and asking someone of the opposite sex to hang out with you doesn't imply that you're romantically interested in them for younger age groups.
and if you really think that using the word "date" on something that you already consider a date is "adding pressure" to it then that's your own problem.

[editline]5th September 2013[/editline]

all that using the word "date" does is clarify that you both have the same intentions.[/QUOTE]
I feel like you should be clear from very early on what your intentions are. If someone is being blindsided by the word "date", you've been doing things wrong from the start. Be direct!

[Shark Cat]

HOLY FUCK now she's all like "I realise now that it wouldn't be fair for me to ask you to be friends".

FUCK THIS GIRL.

SERIOUSLY FUCK HER.

[MindMuncher]

[QUOTE=Gatsby;42104311]I don't know what I wanna do once I'm out of school. No idea at all. I don't want to be some 9-5 cubicle clown that's for sure, maybe I want to help people. Like lots and lots of people. Not that soup kitchen volunteer bullshit either. I want to give the homeless the fishing rod, not just the fish.

I wanna do some huge impact in the world. I don't want to be on my death bed and look back into my memories and see myself being the average consumer, spenting my whole life making others richer so I can buy some materialistic things to keep me distracted on the fact that my life is wasting away.

I don't want that. I want to be somebody.[/QUOTE]

Look into the bill gate's project to make a better toilet for poverty stricken people in bumfuck nowhere. Get creative. The only way you're going to be able to find a [i]new[/i] fishing rod for people is to think more creatively than a whole lot of other people.

Creativity isn't some innate thing either, so if you think "Oh I'm not as creative as them" then you're setting yourself up for failure. Your level of creativity is entirely dependent on how you were raised, what challenges you faced and how you resolved them, and the impacts the resolutions had. If you don't think you're creative enough, start training yourself to be.
Really, you can go find logic puzzles and start doing them when you go to the bathroom or before bed or something every day. When you look around at the place you live, think constantly of how it could be improved.

[editline]7th September 2013[/editline]

Because inventing a new fishing rod is a goal that a lot of people have, but they don't know how to do it and never start. They just [i]want[/i] and that's not enough.
You can totally do it though if you commit to trying.

[thisispain]

everyone wants to be someone and change the world
i think part of being an adult is coming to terms with the fact that you wont really ever accomplish that

sorry to be a bummer, the best you can do is just be open and receptive to opportunities. never say no to something no matter how crazy it may sound because experiences lead to opportunities.

i try 2 live by this code