Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Bobie;42183977]you just started talking to her right, 5 minutes ago? yeah. you're not engaged yet[/QUOTE]

It would be really nice if they remembered that I existed though.

[MindMuncher]

Maybe they just forgot that if they didn't say hello to you, you would be so distraught that you would consult your online friends for social support.

I've met people and been plenty friendly and they've been really receptive, giving back good vibes and all, only to have them not even look at me the next time class rolled around.

It's not because they hate you. They did forget you, yes. Forgetting someone is not a conscious decision. I forget loved ones. People really dear to me get excluded from situations because I'm absent minded. If you think that because you're fixated on her, that she should be equally rapt with the thought of you, you're mistaken.

That's harsh. It's meant to be. You need to realize that it's ridiculous to be upset if someone forgets you because it's an accident. If she gave you a monosyllabic response when you greeted her, then walked away, that's when you can be bummed out.

Did you say hello?

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

Because if you didn't, then to anyone outside of both of your heads, you did the exact same thing as her. You didn't initiate interaction. The blame is on you, because the complaint is from you.

[Gatsby]

I have no idea what I want to do in life.

I have an existential crisis almost every day.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=MindMuncher;42184900]Maybe they just forgot that if they didn't say hello to you, you would be so distraught that you would consult your online friends for social support.

I've met people and been plenty friendly and they've been really receptive, giving back good vibes and all, only to have them not even look at me the next time class rolled around.

It's not because they hate you. They did forget you, yes. Forgetting someone is not a conscious decision. I forget loved ones. People really dear to me get excluded from situations because I'm absent minded. If you think that because you're fixated on her, that she should be equally rapt with the thought of you, you're mistaken.

That's harsh. It's meant to be. You need to realize that it's ridiculous to be upset if someone forgets you because it's an accident. If she gave you a monosyllabic response when you greeted her, then walked away, that's when you can be bummed out.

Did you say hello?

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

Because if you didn't, then to anyone outside of both of your heads, you did the exact same thing as her. You didn't initiate interaction. The blame is on you, because the complaint is from you.[/QUOTE]

I had no chance to say hello. I was in the class before her then she comes in and seems to just totally ignore that I was even there. I guess I'm just not interesting enough for girls to want to talk to me if given the choice.

[Splash Attack]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185880]I had no chance to say hello. I was in the class before her then she comes in and seems to just totally ignore that I was even there. I guess I'm just not interesting enough for girls to want to talk to me if given the choice.[/QUOTE]

You sound like you're making a big deal out of nothing. If you want her to pay attention to you, then just go up and start talking to her.

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185880]I had no chance to say hello. I was in the class before her then she comes in and seems to just totally ignore that I was even there. I guess I'm just not interesting enough for girls to want to talk to me if given the choice.[/QUOTE]

If you think of yourself that way, you've already lost ya big dumbo.

[Splash Attack]

As in, like, keep doing it. If you're lucky you might even become this magical thing called ~friends~.

[editline]13th September 2013[/editline]

Automergeeeee

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42185901]If you think of yourself that way, you've already lost ya big dumbo.[/QUOTE]

I know you don't have to be the most interesting man in the world for girls to like you, I just have problems with having interesting conversations.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185880]I had no chance to say hello. I was in the class before her then she comes in and seems to just totally ignore that I was even there. I guess I'm just not interesting enough for girls to want to talk to me if given the choice.[/QUOTE]

I know over half my class, im not gonna walk around and say hi how are you to everyone, people go to talk to their best buddies, not random acquaintances.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Splash Attack;42185913]As in, like, keep doing it. If you're lucky you might even become this magical thing called ~friends~.

[editline]13th September 2013[/editline]

Automergeeeee[/QUOTE]

I started talking to her in the first place a couple days ago because I thought she was attractive. I don't want to be stuck at being friends unless there's absolutely no other option.

[editline]13th September 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;42185939]I know over half my class, im not gonna walk around and say hi how are you to everyone, people go to talk to their best buddies, not random acquaintances.[/QUOTE]

So I basically can't compete in a class where I'm the only person who doesn't have at least one friend.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185940]I started talking to her in the first place a couple days ago because I thought she was attractive. I don't want to be stuck at being friends unless there's absolutely no other option.

[editline]13th September 2013[/editline]

So I basically can't compete in a class where I'm the only person who doesn't have at least one friend.[/QUOTE]

No you just cant expect her(or anyone else if your trying to make friends) to opt to go talk to you, you have to go talk to her. You also need to understand that its not a huge deal she didnt say hi to you, she didnt say hi to most of the class.

[Splash Attack]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185918]I know you don't have to be the most interesting man in the world for girls to like you, I just have problems with having interesting conversations.[/QUOTE]

I can tell you right now that that mentality is kind of bullshit. You don't need this vast library of information with you at all times to pull out and find something interesting to talk about. Unless your droning on about things nobody cares about, then there's really nothing to worry about. Just talk about whatever comes up or is relevant. You don't have to pout a massive effort into finding interesting things to discuss.

[Taepodong-2]

Well if she's with her friend that just makes it too awkward for me to talk to her. It's not her friend that I'm attracted to and want to get to know better, it's her.

[Splash Attack]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185995]Well if she's with her friend that just makes it too awkward for me to talk to her. It's not her friend that I'm attracted to and want to get to know better, it's her.[/QUOTE]

So why is it awkward all of the sudden when she's with another person? I can understand if you were wanting to talk about something deep and personal, but for casual conversation, it shouldn't make a difference.

It's only awkward because you're making it awkward.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185995]Well if she's with her friend that just makes it too awkward for me to talk to her. It's not her friend that I'm attracted to and want to get to know better, it's her.[/QUOTE]

So do you expect to date her and never talk to or deal with her friends ever?
And do you refuse to talk to people you dont want to get with?
Your making excuses.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;42186011]So do you expect to date her and never talk to or deal with her friends ever?
And do you refuse to talk to people you dont want to get with?
Your making excuses.[/QUOTE]

No, I'm friends with a lot of girls I don't want to date. I guess this is no different.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185918]I know you don't have to be the most interesting man in the world for girls to like you, I just have problems with having interesting conversations.[/QUOTE]

guess what,
you are not ENTITLED to anything. you are not automatically entitled to a girl's respect when you've done nothing to deserve it. if she's not initiating conversation with you it means nothing and throwing a fit because you aren't being pampered with attention isn't going to win you any girls.
and if you're really that boring to talk to then it's not her fault if she doesn't find you interesting (assuming this is even the case at all), it's yours.

[Taepodong-2]

Well even if I am too boring for her I do have another girl I wouldn't mind dating who at least seems to like talking to me. Hard to tell though because she's so shy.

[MindMuncher]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42186172]Well even if I am too boring for her I do have another girl I wouldn't mind dating who at least seems to like talking to me. Hard to tell though because she's so shy.[/QUOTE]

You changed your avatar so I forgot it was you.

Remember how last time you came into this thread and complained of a situation, then made excuses after every suggestion given?

Blaming elements other than yourself in any given social equation is a speed-bump in your life that you need to get over right now.
Not tomorrow. I'm not being mean. There is no excuse to ignore this advice. Right now, try to see whatever situations you find yourself in as products of your own actions.
There is something that you can do about almost any given situation that you see yourself in to change it. This is not an exaggeration unless you regularly have existential questions. The universe is not something that you can change on a large scale. But the amount of time you spend thinking about the universe as a whole is [i]much[/i] smaller than the amount of time you spend thinking about social interactions, food, your current activity or your state of mind. All of those examples can be changed within minutes if you put your effort into it.

Try not to make excuses to not do things that involve other people. They're based on so many false assumptions that it makes me cringe to read them, and they cripple your outlets for accepting opportunities that you're presented with.

This does not mean just girls if you've read it that way. This means [i]EVERYTHING[/i].

If you do not like the situation, change it or change your expectations of it and try to find peace with it as it is.

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

Also stop viewing a girlfriend as a goal. It's a phenomenon, not a goal. It occurs when the right elements come together in a social situation. A necessary prerequisite of this reaction is [i]being open to opportunity[/i]. I can't stress that enough.

You do not seek out a girlfriend, you allow yourself the opportunities that lead to girlfriends.
You might think "but what about dating websites- haha i've got him now!"
Dating websites are not slave markets. You do not shop for a woman. You search for a woman, then give her an opportunity to meet with you, which she is fully capable of declining. She gave you the opportunity to create your opportunity in the first place by signing up with the site, and you allowed yourself to sign up as well. If someone says that "dating sites are weird," they are denying themselves the opportunity to meet someone on them.

It applies in every social situation that is voluntary by both parties- and if the kind of relationship you're looking for is purely up to you being a lone wolf and finding that prize (a girlfriend) it's an asymmetrical pursuit by your party. It's more akin to rape, in which you choose and the other does not get a say. I know you're not going for that and I'm being dramatic in bringing it up, but you're viewing it as something that [b]you[/b] must go out and achieve, when in reality getting a girlfriend is about you and the other person both being open to opportunities.

you can also assume that other people deny themselves opportunities on a regular basis. You can rectify this if you wish them to recognize an opportunity to connect with you by initiating one yourself.

This is called approaching someone and starting a conversation.
Talk about the weather. The upcoming events. Anything is acceptable. Hell, if you walk up to someone and question them on brautwurst, you'll probably have a more interesting time than sitting back and thinking that no one wants to talk to you.
Even if they respond by saying "Uh, I dunno... Uh..." and walking away, you can turn to a bystander and then comment on how you don't think that the other person likes brautwurst. They'll probably laugh and this sets up a better chance of talking to this new person because they already have a bit of a connection with you in the given situation.
That example works only if you do not view the interaction as a goal-oriented one, and as an opportunity-accepting one. Every person near you was an opportunity to talk; the person that you approached was not the goal and you did not fail it. Immediately move on and accept a new opportunity.

This sounds like it takes a lot of on-the-fly thinking. It doesn't. It takes an open and casual mindset, in which you do not attribute everything to your own worthlessness as an individual, but to the ever-shifting priorities and understandable failures of everyday communication.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=MindMuncher;42186320]
It applies in every social situation that is voluntary by both parties- and if the kind of relationship you're looking for is purely up to you being a lone wolf and finding that prize (a girlfriend) it's an asymmetrical pursuit by your party. It's more akin to rape, in which you choose and the other does not get a say. I know you're not going for that and I'm being dramatic in bringing it up, but you're viewing it as something that [b]you[/b] must go out and achieve, when in reality getting a girlfriend is about you and the other person both being open to opportunities.
[/QUOTE]

This is probably the most unrelated thing ever. If a girl isn't interested I let her move on. Do I get really disappointed? of course I do. But do I force her to stay with me? No. It's totally their choice to not want to talk to me, no matter how disappointed I may be. Just because I'm going out looking for attractive girls and talking to them because I think they're attractive doesn't mean I'm going to force them into dating me without them agreeing to it.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42186563]I'm going out looking for attractive girls and talking to them because I think they're attractive[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185918]I just have problems with having interesting conversations.[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185940]I don't want to be stuck at being friends unless there's absolutely no other option[/QUOTE]

this is your problem.
if you're just scoping out bombshells and deciding on your feelings toward them before you've even gotten to know them, you're never going to land in a meaningful relationship.
just talk to people and see where it goes instead of planning the future of your relationship in advance. you understand why we hate the idea of a friendzone here, right? relationships aren't static. just because someone isn't head over heels for you from the second you start talking to them doesn't mean they're never going to like you. the "attractive girls" you're going after might turn out to be great friends and interesting people but if you're dropping them as soon as you know they aren't down to fuck you're never going to find that out.
and if you aren't interesting and even think you aren't interesting then you aren't going to attract anyone you consider "interesting". if you aren't happy with yourself then get to a point where you are.

[Taepodong-2]

Honestly it's hard to befriend someone who you only see three days a week for about an hour, but because of class you only get to talk to them for 5-10 minutes. I'd ask her to go hang out, but I'm too worried she'll take it as me asking her on a date and say no because it's too soon. The same issue comes up with me wanting to ask for her number too.

[Heigou]

I always thought the sooner you asked a girl out, the better.

[Nikeos]

excuses excuses

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42186708]I always thought the sooner you asked a girl out, the better.[/QUOTE]

I've heard this a lot from various sources, hence why I put so much pressure on myself.

[zukriuchen]

this nigga making a big deal out of nothing

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42186703]Honestly it's hard to befriend someone who you only see three days a week for about an hour, but because of class you only get to talk to them for 5-10 minutes. I'd ask her to go hang out, but I'm too worried she'll take it as me asking her on a date and say no because it's too soon. The same issue comes up with me wanting to ask for her number too.[/QUOTE]

there's no such thing as rushing it, if you don't get to talk to each other in class then it's perfectly reasonable to ask to see her outside of class.
as i've said here many times before, asking someone out is only as big a deal as you make it. if you act completely shy and awkward when you ask her for her number it's going to seem like you're asking her out. if you treat it like not a big deal it won't seem serious or creepy.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185940]I started talking to her in the first place a couple days ago because I thought she was attractive. [B]I don't want to be stuck at being friends unless there's absolutely no other option.[/B]

[editline]13th September 2013[/editline]

[/QUOTE]
this really annoys me

if you're not willing to be her friend then you don't deserve her attention
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185940]

So I basically can't compete in a class where I'm the only person who doesn't have at least one friend.[/QUOTE]

so make one
talk to the person next to you about class or some shit

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42186703]Honestly it's hard to befriend someone who you only see three days a week for about an hour, but because of class you only get to talk to them for 5-10 minutes. I'd ask her to go hang out, but I'm too worried she'll take it as me asking her on a date and say no because it's too soon. The same issue comes up with me wanting to ask for her number too.[/QUOTE]

it's not hard at all you're just not trying at all

it's better that she knows that it's a date(because a date and a hangout are the same thing only your intentions are clear) and there's nothing wrong with asking for a number as long as you had something to talk about with the other person"Hey lets talk more about etc. after class what's your number"

sit next to her in your class if you have to, become friends with her friends

infact you guys have the same class [I]just talk about class[/I] really it's not that hard

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

show her a video on your phone or laptop or something ask her if she's watched anything you watch or does anything you do if she says no then it's no biggie

[Guy Mannly]

oh and i want to add something,

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185995]It's not her friend that I'm attracted to and want to get to know better, it's her.[/QUOTE]

if you don't care about her as a person, then don't pretend to. be honest with yourself and be honest with the girls you're talking to. if you just want to get laid then don't pretend you're looking for a serious relationship. if you want to ask out a girl then, as the thread title says, JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT, instead of trying to pretend you're only interested in being friends. if you aren't straightforward with your feelings, unless you're a great actor, it's going to be blatantly obvious that you're trying to deceive her. unless you're really good at lying you're going to look awkward and too shy to be straightforward with what you want.
and if you pretend that you're looking for a serious relationship and give off this impression when you're actually just looking to get laid, if one of the girls you ask out agrees to go out with you, neither of you are going to get what you were looking for.

there is NOTHING wrong with just wanting casual sex or not being interested in a committed relationship. what is wrong is lying about this to seem like a better person.

[Taepodong-2]

I'm not out to just get laid though. I am looking for a serious relationship. But I guess if that's what I'm looking for then I have to be friends too.

Either way though, I'm going to start focusing all my efforts on one of the two girls I'm interested in. I think it will be a lot easier for me to get to know a shy girl with no friends in the class I have with them than someone who has a lot of friends in the class I have with them.