Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42186871]I'm not out to just get laid though. I am looking for a serious relationship. But I guess if that's what I'm looking for then I have to be friends too.[/QUOTE]

um.. yes. being with the same person for years on end does require getting to know each other and being friends.

i overestimated your intentions

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

like what do you think people who live together and see each other for several hours a day do?

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

and furthermore why are you trying to enhance your life by finding an intimate connection with another person when you don't want to connect with other people?

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42186875]
and furthermore why are you trying to enhance your life by finding an intimate connection with another person when you don't want to connect with other people?[/QUOTE]

I do want to connect with other people I just find it difficult to do so in the sea of #yoloswag so I'm kind of out of practice. There I go blaming other people for my problems again, but I pretty much didn't have a social life in high school because my school was infested with those people and I'm still trying to catch up on my social skills.

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

Don't worry, when I talk to girls I do take an interest in what they say unless it's some #yoloswag BS, but I rarely run into that anymore in college.

[thisispain]

idk what #yoloswag BS is but it sounds embittered

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42186937]I do want to connect with other people I just find it difficult to do so in the sea of #yoloswag so I'm kind of out of practice. There I go blaming other people for my problems again, but I pretty much didn't have a social life in high school because my school was infested with those people and I'm still trying to catch up on my social skills.

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

Don't worry, when I talk to girls I do take an interest in what they say unless it's some #yoloswag BS, but I rarely run into that anymore in college.[/QUOTE]

fair enough. i can actually relate a bit to this, except i don't have much interest in meeting new people. it can be exhausting to have to go through tons of people you have nothing in common with before you finally meet someone you can even hold a conversation with. online it's much easier just because the people you meet will automatically share at least some of the same interests as you, but trying to meet someone you can relate to in real life with nothing necessarily in common except for a class you're taking can be difficult. and when you aren't even taking classes specific to your major that makes it even more difficult.

all i can say is keep trying, just make conversation with people around you even if not every one of them is physically attractive to you. dating as an adult is exhausting and personally i'm glad i don't have to go through with it.

[Tin Can™]

Fuck it, here goes. I need advice: "thread-title-question"-style

I met this awesome girl and her friend in a "study-motivating" course I got in on from the office of employment, who I just love hanging out with both of them, we have the same sense of humor, same interests, and we've really gotten to know eachother well - and she laughs at pretty much every joke I .

I started said course last Monday, and we're pretty much good friends and see eachother every work day. I've been getting flirty with her and she's slowly but steadily warming up to me.

Problem I see is that this course only lasts 12 weeks, from late August (I started a week later than them) to November. Time is semi-scarce but I think I can work with it.

Now, I've heard that you should ask when you on your own feel the time is right, but the thing is: I've never done this before.
So I'm curious if you guys and gals think it would be any appropriate at all to ask her the second or third week after becoming good friends with her, or if I should wait longer and get even more flirty in the meanwhile.

[Heigou]

just ask her out nerd

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=VaSTinY;42188206]Fuck it, here goes. I need advice: "thread-title-question"-style

I met this awesome girl and her friend in a "study-motivating" course I got in on from the office of employment, who I just love hanging out with both of them, we have the same sense of humor, same interests, and we've really gotten to know eachother well - and she laughs at pretty much every joke I .

I started said course last Monday, and we're pretty much good friends and see eachother every work day. I've been getting flirty with her and she's slowly but steadily warming up to me.

Problem I see is that this course only lasts 12 weeks, from late August (I started a week later than them) to November. Time is semi-scarce but I think I can work with it.

Now, I've heard that you should ask when you on your own feel the time is right, but the thing is: I've never done this before.
So I'm curious if you guys and gals think it would be any appropriate at all to ask her the second or third week after becoming good friends with her, or if I should wait longer and get even more flirty in the meanwhile.[/QUOTE]

If she likes you in that way she wouldn't say no now same as she wouldn't say no later. So why wait?

If she doesn't, then at least you tried; just be friends.

tl;dr thread title

[Slowbro]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42185940]I don't want to be stuck at being friends unless there's absolutely no other option.[/QUOTE]

And you wonder why girls don't like you?

[JoeJohns]

I broke up with my first serious girlfriend of seven months because I, as a rising College Freshman going to California, and her as a rising high school junior in Massachusetts, both agreed that the long-distance relationship really wouldn't work too well for us and neither of us would be happy.

Now I miss her dearly, but I think a lot of it is just circumstance. It's my first major breakup ever, I'm at college in a new place with new people and as someone who was used to being friendly with everyone it's a terrifying new environment, maybe I just miss having a girlfriend and I don't just miss her as a person, etc etc etc

But I keep thinking about her and can't get her out of my head and every time I really think about her I'm just unhappy. We still talk almost every day because we wanted to stay very good friends, so it's nice to have contact with her. But it's been four weeks since we broke up and I'm still sore about it. I can't look at her profile picture on Facebook for too long, it just brings up memories and makes me miss her because she really is beautiful to me.

And she keeps showing up in my dreams. It's happened twice now. And I hate that, because it seems so real for the moment that we're together again but I wake up and, yup, we're not and won't be.

Sorry for the super overly-melodramatic post, I just woke up after a rough night and I'm groggy and emotional and don't care about what I say :v:

[ewitwins]

Dude, dreams are harsh like that. That's actually why I popped in here, to talk about a dream that I had.

I keep having dreams over and over again about a girl in highschool that I currently go to University with. Unfortunately our paths don't cross that often, but I just can't shake this feeling that I, well, have feeling for her. We had a small thing in highschool that mostly just involved us flirting with each other a lot, lot's of teasing. We went to Prom together, but once college started, things just kind of fell apart.

How would you guys suggest I restart a relationship with her? I try and invite her to stuff that I go to, but she's always busy because of her major. I really would like to hang out with her A) for the sake of hanging out with her and B) maybe it'll get the dreams to stop.

[editline]14th September 2013[/editline]

I'm not gonna describe the dreams, but it's just insane how realistic they are (not to mention kinky, wacka wacka)

[Schmoe]

Yo, I'd like some advice - I'll make it short.

I get along with people and have a good amount of friends. I'm a little quiet in groups of people I don't know, but if I talk to someone one-on-one we can usually get some good conversations going. That being said, I've never really dated (barring a series of small dates in early high school).

I wouldn't mind asking this one girl out, but I'm honestly worried about where to go from there. I can't imagine having a hard time doing the asking (or taking rejection if it happens), so it's not lack of confidence in my social skills, just my relational ones.

I've never dated someone before and I feel like I missed my moment to learn in high school. The few dates I went on I missed so many cues. For example, I didn't know what it meant when my date stood in front of her house with me, just waiting. I ended up asking why we were sitting there - turns out she wanted a kiss. :v: I joke about stuff like that after it happens, but here (at college), where everyone is already having sex, I feel like I'm so damn far behind in experience.

Everyone at my college seems pretty chill, so I'm not worried about being ostracized or anything like that, it just makes me feel behind the curve.

Anyway, I'd appreciate it if you guys could let me know if this is a big deal or not. If it is, do you have any words to get over my fear of it?

[jobizzle]

I don't even understand how you'd meet someone with whom you'd actually want to spend a considerable amount of time, let alone have them feel the same way.

How come people make relationships look so easy? I'm 19 years young and its been a long time since I had any kind of intimacy with anyone (beyond just being fond friends).

/angst

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=jobizzle;42194404]I don't even understand how you'd meet someone with whom you'd actually want to spend a considerable amount of time, let alone have them feel the same way.

How come people make relationships look so easy? I'm 19 years young and its been a long time since I had any kind of intimacy with anyone (beyond just being fond friends).

/angst[/QUOTE]

pretty much by chance. no matter what you do it's incredibly unlikely you'll meet someone you can really connect with.
in my experience usually close friends or partners tend to show up when you aren't looking for them.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Clovernoodle;42190782]I broke up with my first serious girlfriend of seven months because I, as a rising College Freshman going to California, and her as a rising high school junior in Massachusetts, both agreed that the long-distance relationship really wouldn't work too well for us and neither of us would be happy.

Now I miss her dearly, but I think a lot of it is just circumstance. It's my first major breakup ever, I'm at college in a new place with new people and as someone who was used to being friendly with everyone it's a terrifying new environment, maybe I just miss having a girlfriend and I don't just miss her as a person, etc etc etc

But I keep thinking about her and can't get her out of my head and every time I really think about her I'm just unhappy. We still talk almost every day because we wanted to stay very good friends, so it's nice to have contact with her. But it's been four weeks since we broke up and I'm still sore about it. I can't look at her profile picture on Facebook for too long, it just brings up memories and makes me miss her because she really is beautiful to me.

And she keeps showing up in my dreams. It's happened twice now. And I hate that, because it seems so real for the moment that we're together again but I wake up and, yup, we're not and won't be.

Sorry for the super overly-melodramatic post, I just woke up after a rough night and I'm groggy and emotional and don't care about what I say :v:[/QUOTE]

You're in a new environment, you've just broken up with your girlfriend and you're talking to her every night? That's going to make it pretty hard for you to embrace what you have and even harder for you to get over what you had originally. I think you should stop making such an effort to cling to that friendship - you guys will be friends again one day. What you need to do is make more of an effort in your new life at college, and then things will start to fall into place

[PuduEbooks]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42195472]pretty much by chance. no matter what you do it's incredibly unlikely you'll meet someone you can really connect with.
in my experience usually close friends or partners tend to show up when you aren't looking for them.[/QUOTE]

True as hell. One day i sat with this girl on thr bus from the same school as me. Shit was like sitting with any stranger, but then i said hi. And by god, i've never talked so much with someone in my entire life, in all this time we've never ran out of stuff to do/talk about. Sad thing that i don't have time to go somewhere else with her.

[ewitwins]

Am I the only one that seems to have trouble keeping a text conversation going?

I mean, put me in the room with the person and I can keep it going pretty well, but texting just seems to die off so quickly. If they don't respond for awhile I'm worried sending them a reminder/text will just irritate them. I can't tell if it's a willing conversation or if I'm bugging them, and I'm not gonna ASK if I'm bugging because... well, that's stupid.

[Hunter-AP]

Hey guys, I need some help, if it's not too much to ask for a response besides "JUST ASK HER IF SHE LIKES YOU" or things along that line.
(Rant Incoming)
It's my 2nd week of college and through my roommate I met these two girls, one of which I'm interested in. On two consecutive nights, the girl and her roommate have come to our dorm to watch movies together, the first night we watched Fight Club, the second we watched the Hunger Games.
The night we watched Fight Club, everything went nice and smoothly, as my suite-mates and I were welcoming to the girls. When we watched the Hunger Games, however, her roommate left and my suite-mates were all busy in their separate rooms, leaving this girl I like and myself together, alone, watching the movie.
I tried to keep conversation going enough that it wasn't awkward, but low enough so we could still watch the movie. My suite-mates came over time and watched the movie with us, and ended up talking about parties on campus. The girl said she's never been to any on campus, but always wanted to, to which all my suite-mates directed her to me because I have connections to upperclassmen.

I actually like her and don't want it to be a friends-with-benefits deal or have a one-night stand, but I get nervous and forget pretty much anything on how to understand whether girls like me.
Any help is appreciated a ton.

[Nikeos]

why dont you want a "just ask her if you likes you" response, probably the best way to go about it

just ask her on a date??

[Used Car Salesm]

[QUOTE=jobizzle;42194404]I don't even understand how you'd meet someone with whom you'd actually want to spend a considerable amount of time, let alone have them feel the same way.

How come people make relationships look so easy? I'm 19 years young and its been a long time since I had any kind of intimacy with anyone (beyond just being fond friends).

/angst[/QUOTE]

I have a hard time wrapping my head around this as well. Somehow, I keep coming back to the Fermi equation in my thinking.

Number of women I will physically encounter in my life times the probability that they speak English times the probability that I will actually speak to them times the probability that we have a real conversation times the probability that we actually speak more than once times the probability that we have enough things in common that I want to spend more time together times the (unfathomably tiny) probability that she wants to spend time with me times the probability that we enjoy spending time together enough to turn it into romance and sex and all that other shit times the probability that we're so right for each other that we want to spend our lives together...you don't have to be a quantum science major to figure out how small that end probability is. I don't get why people marry at all...

Oh, right, they settle.

[Big D Duchovny]

[QUOTE=ewitwins;42197356]Am I the only one that seems to have trouble keeping a text conversation going?

I mean, put me in the room with the person and I can keep it going pretty well, but texting just seems to die off so quickly. If they don't respond for awhile I'm worried sending them a reminder/text will just irritate them. I can't tell if it's a willing conversation or if I'm bugging them, and I'm not gonna ASK if I'm bugging because... well, that's stupid.[/QUOTE]

Don't read into it that much, no one's bothered when someone responds half an hour later. You probably just had stuff to do, y'know?

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=ewitwins;42197356]Am I the only one that seems to have trouble keeping a text conversation going?

I mean, put me in the room with the person and I can keep it going pretty well, but texting just seems to die off so quickly. If they don't respond for awhile I'm worried sending them a reminder/text will just irritate them. I can't tell if it's a willing conversation or if I'm bugging them, and I'm not gonna ASK if I'm bugging because... well, that's stupid.[/QUOTE]

asking if your bugging is fine, just dont be blatant and awkward about it

[PuduEbooks]

[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42197853]I have a hard time wrapping my head around this as well. Somehow, I keep coming back to the Fermi equation in my thinking.

Number of women I will physically encounter in my life times the probability that they speak English times the probability that I will actually speak to them times the probability that we have a real conversation times the probability that we actually speak more than once times the probability that we have enough things in common that I want to spend more time together times the (unfathomably tiny) probability that she wants to spend time with me times the probability that we enjoy spending time together enough to turn it into romance and sex and all that other shit times the probability that we're so right for each other that we want to spend our lives together...you don't have to be a quantum science major to figure out how small that end probability is. I don't get why people marry at all...

Oh, right, they settle.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, that's called overthinking, don't use it on social situations, i had a hard time with it some time ago.

[Larry_G]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42186937]I do want to connect with other people I just find it difficult to do so in the sea of #yoloswag so I'm kind of out of practice. There I go blaming other people for my problems again, but I pretty much didn't have a social life in high school because my school was infested with those people and I'm still trying to catch up on my social skills.[/QUOTE]

Oh god you again

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42197853]I have a hard time wrapping my head around this as well. Somehow, I keep coming back to the Fermi equation in my thinking.

Number of women I will physically encounter in my life times the probability that they speak English times the probability that I will actually speak to them times the probability that we have a real conversation times the probability that we actually speak more than once times the probability that we have enough things in common that I want to spend more time together times the (unfathomably tiny) probability that she wants to spend time with me times the probability that we enjoy spending time together enough to turn it into romance and sex and all that other shit times the probability that we're so right for each other that we want to spend our lives together...you don't have to be a quantum science major to figure out how small that end probability is. I don't get why people marry at all...

Oh, right, they settle.[/QUOTE]

i'm not settling, i got very lucky. as do plenty of people.
you've got your whole life to meet someone, it isn't as bad as you make it sound. good partners don't show up on demand.

[Patriarch]

[QUOTE=thisispain;42199227]asking if your bugging is fine, just dont be blatant and awkward about it[/QUOTE]

How would you define blatant or awkward?

[Agoat]

[QUOTE=Patriarch;42203646]How would you define blatant or awkward?[/QUOTE]

"I'm so sorry if I'm bothering you, I'll just leave you alone" is a common awkward way of asking. If they're doing chores or homework, it isn't terrible to ask if you should talk to them later. When it comes to texting, let the text sit for a while first.

[Used Car Salesm]

[QUOTE=Yahnich;42200606]being a depressing cynic probably doesn't do you any favors[/QUOTE]

hey bro, don't be hatin' just cause you can't handle how real I am

[editline]15th September 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42203077]i'm not settling, i got very lucky. as do plenty of people.
you've got your whole life to meet someone, it isn't as bad as you make it sound. good partners don't show up on demand.[/QUOTE]

Doesn't "I got lucky", by definition, establish that what happened to you doesn't happen to everyone else?

Oh, wait, this is that overthinking thing again.

[Fire Kracker]

if it's so rare to meet people that you enjoy being around

you can call me god cuz i meet an ungodly amount of women that i enjoy being around and enjoy being around me ;)

[disseminate]

[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42208613]hey bro, don't be hatin' just cause you can't handle how real I am

[editline]15th September 2013[/editline]

Doesn't "I got lucky", by definition, establish that what happened to you doesn't happen to everyone else?

Oh, wait, this is that overthinking thing again.[/QUOTE]

when you do meet someone you'll think back on this and laugh

[ardosos]

[QUOTE=Disseminate;42209437][B]when[/B] you do meet someone you'll think back on this and laugh[/QUOTE]

I think you mean "if".