Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42208613]hey bro, don't be hatin' just cause you can't handle how real I am

[editline]15th September 2013[/editline]

Doesn't "I got lucky", by definition, establish that what happened to you doesn't happen to everyone else?

Oh, wait, this is that overthinking thing again.[/QUOTE]

It seems like you're kind of ignoring the fact that so many people ARE with someone they love and/or enjoy being around. In fact you just said it was so unlikely, and now you said that it happens to everyone. You should lighten up a bit, Yahnich is right dude, it won't help you at all to be so cynical. Then again if you don't care about that sort of thing no one can make you care, so w/e.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42208613]hey bro, don't be hatin' just cause you can't handle how real I am[/QUOTE]

whether or not you're "right" doesn't matter. what does matter that your line of thinking isn't beneficial to you. there is no benefit to being a cynic as opposed to an optimist when the actual impact it will have on your life is unchanged (in fact, in this case, optimism would probably be more beneficial to you finding a relationship than cynicism). all you're accomplishing is making yourself seem pretentious and like you think you're better than the rest of us.

which you're not, by the way, because a lot of us have stable relationships while you're moping about how you'll never find a relationship because of statistics you're making up on the spot.

[editline]16th September 2013[/editline]

and there's no such thing as being "real" (or more real than everyone else you're talking down to) because as a human being functioning from a self-biased perspective it is physically impossible for you to look at things objectively. so instead of trying to be "real" try to be positive. you can't find truth no matter what you do, so seek happiness.

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=Ardosos;42209539]I think you mean "if".[/QUOTE]

There's over 7 billion people on the planet, you'd be hard fucking pressed in not meeting one or actually trying by actively murdering anyone that approaches you. It's a matter of when, not if, even if that when might take time and kind of suck sometimes.

[junker154]

Had the first day at the university since I changed my studies, my class is full of people that I wouldn't want to be friends with. A lot of unsympathetic faces, I tried to socialize a bit but most of them don't talk that much except for 2 girls which I met. Spend the whole day with them, they're really nice. It's nice to find some cool people on the first day.

My older class at another university was a lot more open and friendly.

[iLLie]

Is there anyway to stop my jealousy. It always messes up my relations and even more than that, today this guy was talking to this girl I like and I got so mad at him even though he wasn't even flirting. I know it sounds dumb and I hate that I feel that way but I just don't know how to stop being jealous.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Larry_G;42201402]Oh god you again[/QUOTE]

I'm actually attempting to start conversations with girls this time, I'm not quite as bad as I was.

[Moo]

This thread is full of people I make fun of because they are so awkward in public.

"My version of talking to girls is actually talking to them." You guys are idiots

[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Why reply?" - Megafan))[/highlight]

[thisispain]

i love cheese and pasta

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Moo;42220732]This thread is full of people I make fun of because they are so awkward in public.

"My version of talking to girls is actually talking to them." You guys are idiots

[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Why reply?" - Megafan))[/highlight][/QUOTE]

the only thing I got from that is that you taunt people because you think you are better than them

i like most of the people in this forum

[Bobie]

[QUOTE=Moo;42220732]This thread is full of people I make fun of because they are so awkward in public.

"My version of talking to girls is actually talking to them." You guys are idiots

[highlight](User was banned for this post ("Why reply?" - Megafan))[/highlight][/QUOTE]

r u the alpha male i dream of becoming

[Zareox]

snip

[PuduEbooks]

-snipfuckingfacepunch-

[Ashtiel]

I'm quite sure this may be a bit abnormal for this thread, but I'll ask anyway;

I think I actually like a girl in my English class, I mean we a lot of things with literature in common, but I sincerely doubt she has the same interests as me (gaming, computers, [sp]lego, nerf[/sp]) And since homecoming is coming up this Friday I figured I'd ask her sometime this week but not exactly sure where to start honestly.

The last girlfriend(s) I had were in 3rd-4th grade, I'm in 9th now :v:

[Fire Kracker]

interests don't really matter tbh

if you don't share the same interests you can use that as an opportunity to introduce them to it

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=VietRooster2;42228864]I'm quite sure this may be a bit abnormal for this thread, but I'll ask anyway;

I think I actually like a girl in my English class, I mean we a lot of things with literature in common, but I sincerely doubt she has the same interests as me (gaming, computers, [sp]lego, nerf[/sp]) And since homecoming is coming up this Friday I figured I'd ask her sometime this week but not exactly sure where to start honestly.

The last girlfriend(s) I had were in 3rd-4th grade, I'm in 9th now :v:[/QUOTE]

here's where to start mah niga

ask her to homecoming

[Ashtiel]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42228980]here's where to start mah niga

ask her to homecoming[/QUOTE]

so just straight up

"will you go to homecoming with me?"

welp i'll try that then i suppose

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=VietRooster2;42229003]so just straight up

"will you go to homecoming with me?"

welp i'll try that then i suppose[/QUOTE]

straight up asking her out, best to be direct about the shit you want

[oxooon]

I posted like 40 pages back about how my relationship was going strong.

She broke up with me, and I wanna still go to Homecoming, but I don't know who I can go with now. No one else really caught my eye like she did. As in, there's no one I'm interested in right now.

Suggestions?

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=J$ Psychotic;42229697]I posted like 40 pages back about how my relationship was going strong.

She broke up with me, and I wanna still go to Homecoming, but I don't know who I can go with now. No one else really caught my eye like she did. As in, there's no one I'm interested in right now.

Suggestions?[/QUOTE]

Go with some friends, ya dont have to have a date for that sort of thing

[Dyson6]

Is it weird to just ask a girl if she has a boyfriend, or is it better to just ask her out and let her say it that way?

[OogalaBoogal]

[QUOTE=Dyson6;42236227]Is it weird to just ask a girl if she has a boyfriend, or is it better to just ask her out and let her say it that way?[/QUOTE]

I'd just ask her out.

[AltUser]

I'm not sure what's up with my recently, I seem to be reverting back to my old self.
Today, I've had recurring thoughts about me and my ex, especially the first time we kissed, I don't know why, but I just keep thinking about all this crap, and its really getting me down.
I think a big problem in my life is that I'm really lonely. All my friends apart from three of us (who don't even hang out often) have gone to uni. Its gone from talking to my ex when we were together every day, and seeing her and other people like 3/4 times a week, to this; I talk to absolutely no body outside of my family, the last time I had a conversation with a friend over text was 9 days ago and I haven't spoken to anyone since, I hardly ever go out anymore because my friendship group has dispersed, and I don't have a job, so day in day out I'm just alone. So my life is really shit right now, I'm the lowest and loneliest I have ever been, and the worst part is I keep thinking back to when I was happy with my ex, and how loved I felt and all that bullshit, despite all the obvious problems we had.

I just want a bit of happiness, you know? I was thinking about getting a dog, and that thought kept me really happy and it made me feel if I got one then I'd be less alone, but right now I've just kind of lost all hype for the idea of it.
Other than that, I'd just like someone nice to come into my life, or at least just someone to talk to every so often. I think I'd like to be in a relationship again soon. It's not that I miss my ex, its that I miss not being alone. I don't quite understand it, I don't want to be vain, but I like the way I look, I exercise daily so I'm in pretty good shape body-wise, and I dress nice when I'm out compared to most people. Hell, I don't even lack confidence that much anymore, I'm starting to get it back, like the last time I was out drinking I just started dancing with some strangers, its not a big deal, but it was progress for me. So really, I don't understand how I'm so alone right now and can't find anyone, I know something will come eventually, but I'm getting pretty worn-down by everything right now, and I need things to change before I end up getting depressed again.

[Ashtiel]

[QUOTE=VietRooster2;42229003]so just straight up

"will you go to homecoming with me?"

welp i'll try that then i suppose[/QUOTE]

turns out they had a "date" already. welp.

[Hunter-AP]

[QUOTE=AltUser;42236759]I'm not sure what's up with my recently, I seem to be reverting back to my old self.
Today, I've had recurring thoughts about me and my ex, especially the first time we kissed, I don't know why, but I just keep thinking about all this crap, and its really getting me down.
I think a big problem in my life is that I'm really lonely. All my friends apart from three of us (who don't even hang out often) have gone to uni. Its gone from talking to my ex when we were together every day, and seeing her and other people like 3/4 times a week, to this; I talk to absolutely no body outside of my family, the last time I had a conversation with a friend over text was 9 days ago and I haven't spoken to anyone since, I hardly ever go out anymore because my friendship group has dispersed, and I don't have a job, so day in day out I'm just alone. So my life is really shit right now, I'm the lowest and loneliest I have ever been, and the worst part is I keep thinking back to when I was happy with my ex, and how loved I felt and all that bullshit, despite all the obvious problems we had.

I just want a bit of happiness, you know? I was thinking about getting a dog, and that thought kept me really happy and it made me feel if I got one then I'd be less alone, but right now I've just kind of lost all hype for the idea of it.
Other than that, I'd just like someone nice to come into my life, or at least just someone to talk to every so often. I think I'd like to be in a relationship again soon. It's not that I miss my ex, its that I miss not being alone. I don't quite understand it, I don't want to be vain, but I like the way I look, I exercise daily so I'm in pretty good shape body-wise, and I dress nice when I'm out compared to most people. Hell, I don't even lack confidence that much anymore, I'm starting to get it back, like the last time I was out drinking I just started dancing with some strangers, its not a big deal, but it was progress for me. So really, I don't understand how I'm so alone right now and can't find anyone, I know something will come eventually, but I'm getting pretty worn-down by everything right now, and I need things to change before I end up getting depressed again.[/QUOTE]

I was literally in the exact same situation as you about two years ago. It always gets better with time, the best thing to do is try to meet new people and try new things. I felt down, and to this day still do feel down about those memories if I think about them, but it always hurts less and less, and every day everything gets easier. You may not see or feel it in the beginning, or even in the first few months, but at some point in the future you look back and say "Wow, I'm really glad I'm out of there, it feels really good compared to the way things were back when this all started."

Moral of the story, time and new activities are the best things to for you right now.

[MindMuncher]

[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42197853]I have a hard time wrapping my head around this as well. Somehow, I keep coming back to the Fermi equation in my thinking.

Number of women I will physically encounter in my life times the probability that they speak English times the probability that I will actually speak to them times the probability that we have a real conversation times the probability that we actually speak more than once times the probability that we have enough things in common that I want to spend more time together times the (unfathomably tiny) probability that she wants to spend time with me times the probability that we enjoy spending time together enough to turn it into romance and sex and all that other shit times the probability that we're so right for each other that we want to spend our lives together...you don't have to be a quantum science major to figure out how small that end probability is. I don't get why people marry at all...

Oh, right, they settle.[/QUOTE]

This is wrong for sociologically provable reasons though.
Homophily is the idea that we like people who are like us, yes? You do even if you don't think so. I personally find myself more attracted to browner women and am very white, but that doesn't disprove anything. The culture that you are part of, even if you don't want to be or don't consider yourself to be, defines what you are likely to find attractive in a mate.

So if we're talking statistics, your leadup might be fairly sound, but consider this: The people that you are most likely to connect with most are all around you, because they have, through your life, defined what you find attractive.

Your "ideal women" (and I cringe at the term) is most likely within your sphere of influence, not somewhere in Paraguay.

Not to say that people who move from their original home cannot find mates- you can redefine what you find attractive when you're in a new cultural environment.

This also completely undercuts the "probability that we have anything in common" argument, I feel, but I suppose that's up to your own determining. Think of it this way: if you define "anything" as "clubs, hobbies and musical taste" and act upon that definition, then you're crippling yourself socially. You are a human, and as a human you have fundamental qualities that serve as common ground. Further, you both speak English, which is a perpetuating factor of many cultural ideas, and this serves as further common ground.

What I'm saying is this:
If you live in any respectably sized town or proto-city fledgling settlement and when you look around you and find yourself thinking that no one has anything in common with you and that you cannot be romantically attracted (notice I said "cannot") to any of them, you are either literally an alien on another planet, or you are asexual. I will bet you money that you are neither.

One thing that may be holding you back, is that you might be assuming that romantic feelings for someone are something that is uncovered, and inherently a part of that person due to their specific set of traits. Romance is not archaeology though, and you are not digging for it, or working to dust off that layer of insincerity that blocks you from seeing the romantic connection in someone else.
Romance is something that you develop and create with someone else.

Think of that. You [i]make[/i] a romantic bond with someone. If I handed you carton of eggs and told you to go get me an omelette, would you go search the world for an omelette lying there to be picked up? Would you go rummaging through trash, pulling back layers of dumpster-detritus only to find hard metal on the bottom each time and come back to me weeping about how, while you know that omelettes exist, your actual likelihood of finding one to bring to me is very low?

No. That's ludicrous. You'd make a fucking omelette with the resources I just handed you.

Then again, people do just [i]find[/i] love sometimes, or at least claim to. Whether that's infatuation is a whole different sheep to shear. It'd be fantastic if you just stumbled upon love somewhere, but plenty of people don't, or cannot see it when they do. They make romantic connections and they make it into love.

So keep your eye out for that omelette, sure, but you might as well get cooking in the meantime!

[Kindlinho]

[QUOTE=AltUser;42236759]I'm not sure what's up with my recently, I seem to be reverting back to my old self.
Today, I've had recurring thoughts about me and my ex, especially the first time we kissed, I don't know why, but I just keep thinking about all this crap, and its really getting me down.
I think a big problem in my life is that I'm really lonely. All my friends apart from three of us (who don't even hang out often) have gone to uni. Its gone from talking to my ex when we were together every day, and seeing her and other people like 3/4 times a week, to this; I talk to absolutely no body outside of my family, the last time I had a conversation with a friend over text was 9 days ago and I haven't spoken to anyone since, I hardly ever go out anymore because my friendship group has dispersed, and I don't have a job, so day in day out I'm just alone. So my life is really shit right now, I'm the lowest and loneliest I have ever been, and the worst part is I keep thinking back to when I was happy with my ex, and how loved I felt and all that bullshit, despite all the obvious problems we had.

I just want a bit of happiness, you know? I was thinking about getting a dog, and that thought kept me really happy and it made me feel if I got one then I'd be less alone, but right now I've just kind of lost all hype for the idea of it.
Other than that, I'd just like someone nice to come into my life, or at least just someone to talk to every so often. I think I'd like to be in a relationship again soon. It's not that I miss my ex, its that I miss not being alone. I don't quite understand it, I don't want to be vain, but I like the way I look, I exercise daily so I'm in pretty good shape body-wise, and I dress nice when I'm out compared to most people. Hell, I don't even lack confidence that much anymore, I'm starting to get it back, like the last time I was out drinking I just started dancing with some strangers, its not a big deal, but it was progress for me. So really, I don't understand how I'm so alone right now and can't find anyone, I know something will come eventually, but I'm getting pretty worn-down by everything right now, and I need things to change before I end up getting depressed again.[/QUOTE]
I'm in a similar situation, except there's no ex to speak of and my dog has died recently. I'm starting college in 2 weeks. I'm terrible at creating and maintaining friendships. I mean I can get to know a lot of people easily, but those are rather shallow "friendships". Regarding that, I won't be living in the dorms, because I'm gonna commute. (cca 50 kilometers long trip)

The way I see it, my only friend will be the bus taking me home every day. :v:

[Skwangtang]

Hey guys really need your help on this one.
So I'm in my sophomore year of college and I'm living with 7 of my closest friends in a 8-man suite. It's been great so far, we've been able to solve most drama/problems relatively easily.
However, this one kid, we'll call E. E has a very commanding and aggressive attitude, so he basically deemed himself the leader of our group. And ever since school began again he has been basically acting like our fathers. Being nosey and making sure we're doing homework, telling us to stop playing video games and go work out. Not bad things to suggest, but it's the way he goes about it. He like pities us into going. Recently, 6 of us started having a prank war with the quad next to us, just pure fucking with each other. E got all annoyed and called us children for acting like, when he turns around and plays with his nerf guns.

Monday night we decided to have a group powwow with him to help him see that we were getting frustrated with him and we would like him to just understand where we are coming from. Of course he blows up at us and doesnt take anything to heart. Whenever we would use figures of speech, he would veer off topic and question the metaphor instead of what we were trying to say. He says he is a very literal person, but at the same time was speaking in metaphors the entire time.

So after World War 8-man had just finished, we went back to normal routines, except me and 3 other guys who were really emotional about what had happened. Basically what happened was we were thinking out loud and one of the kids heard us talking about "kicking him out" after "3 days". What we really meant was with the kicking out was I brought it up, and then we all agreed that should not and will not be an option, and 3 days as in 3 days for him to cool off, not like a deadline to change.

Right now E wont talk to me or my other friend J. J tried to talk to him but he flipped out and called him a liar. I am going to try to talk to him myself and see where it goes. Im really worried he won't listen and just blow it out of proportion again.

How should I go about approaching him? What should I say to keep him calm? The thing is, if this doesn't end well, I've pretty much resigned to leaving the room/school if we can't end this stupid drama.

[Taepodong-2]

Well this year at college I decided to join a club and their first official event is tonight. No matter how much I want to stay home out of a combination of feeling a bit down about myself today and GTA, I'm going to force myself to go.

[OogalaBoogal]

[QUOTE=Squad1993;42238359]Hey guys really need your help on this one.
So I'm in my sophomore year of college and I'm living with 7 of my closest friends in a 8-man suite. It's been great so far, we've been able to solve most drama/problems relatively easily.
However, this one kid, we'll call E. E has a very commanding and aggressive attitude, so he basically deemed himself the leader of our group. And ever since school began again he has been basically acting like our fathers. Being nosey and making sure we're doing homework, telling us to stop playing video games and go work out. Not bad things to suggest, but it's the way he goes about it. He like pities us into going. Recently, 6 of us started having a prank war with the quad next to us, just pure fucking with each other. E got all annoyed and called us children for acting like, when he turns around and plays with his nerf guns.

Monday night we decided to have a group powwow with him to help him see that we were getting frustrated with him and we would like him to just understand where we are coming from. Of course he blows up at us and doesnt take anything to heart. Whenever we would use figures of speech, he would veer off topic and question the metaphor instead of what we were trying to say. He says he is a very literal person, but at the same time was speaking in metaphors the entire time.

So after World War 8-man had just finished, we went back to normal routines, except me and 3 other guys who were really emotional about what had happened. Basically what happened was we were thinking out loud and one of the kids heard us talking about "kicking him out" after "3 days". What we really meant was with the kicking out was I brought it up, and then we all agreed that should not and will not be an option, and 3 days as in 3 days for him to cool off, not like a deadline to change.

Right now E wont talk to me or my other friend J. J tried to talk to him but he flipped out and called him a liar. I am going to try to talk to him myself and see where it goes. Im really worried he won't listen and just blow it out of proportion again.

How should I go about approaching him? What should I say to keep him calm? The thing is, if this doesn't end well, I've pretty much resigned to leaving the room/school if we can't end this stupid drama.[/QUOTE]

E needs to chill the fuck out. If he's having problems adjusting to university life, they are his problems, not yours.

[editline]18th September 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42238409]Well this year at college I decided to join a club and their first official event is tonight. No matter how much I want to stay home out of a combination of feeling a bit down about myself today and GTA, I'm going to force myself to go.[/QUOTE]

Good. I find going out makes me feel way better.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=AltUser;42236759]I'm not sure what's up with my recently, I seem to be reverting back to my old self.
Today, I've had recurring thoughts about me and my ex, especially the first time we kissed, I don't know why, but I just keep thinking about all this crap, and its really getting me down.
I think a big problem in my life is that I'm really lonely. All my friends apart from three of us (who don't even hang out often) have gone to uni. Its gone from talking to my ex when we were together every day, and seeing her and other people like 3/4 times a week, to this; I talk to absolutely no body outside of my family, the last time I had a conversation with a friend over text was 9 days ago and I haven't spoken to anyone since, I hardly ever go out anymore because my friendship group has dispersed, and I don't have a job, so day in day out I'm just alone. So my life is really shit right now, I'm the lowest and loneliest I have ever been, and the worst part is I keep thinking back to when I was happy with my ex, and how loved I felt and all that bullshit, despite all the obvious problems we had.

I just want a bit of happiness, you know? I was thinking about getting a dog, and that thought kept me really happy and it made me feel if I got one then I'd be less alone, but right now I've just kind of lost all hype for the idea of it.
Other than that, I'd just like someone nice to come into my life, or at least just someone to talk to every so often. I think I'd like to be in a relationship again soon. It's not that I miss my ex, its that I miss not being alone. I don't quite understand it, I don't want to be vain, but I like the way I look, I exercise daily so I'm in pretty good shape body-wise, and I dress nice when I'm out compared to most people. Hell, I don't even lack confidence that much anymore, I'm starting to get it back, like the last time I was out drinking I just started dancing with some strangers, its not a big deal, but it was progress for me. So really, I don't understand how I'm so alone right now and can't find anyone, I know something will come eventually, but I'm getting pretty worn-down by everything right now, and I need things to change before I end up getting depressed again.[/QUOTE]

It sounds like your just sitting around waiting for other people to talk to you and ask you for a hang out, if you wanna do something be the organizer. And work at getting a job if you want one, you have a benefit to employers at the moment since your not going to school you have better availability than most. You'll feel better if your doing something anyway.