Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
Hey guys, I'm reaaally starting to like my fuck buddy, what do? She's only interested in sex every so often and nothing else, we don't really kick it very often. Whenever she hits me up we usually go out for a bit then go home and fuck and then she's on her way. The thing is, whenever we're not having sex I'm absolutely blown away by her personality and her amazing smile. Most girls don't make me feel that way. I could cut it off right now and prevent getting hurt, but at the same time that means I don't have any interaction with her at all.
[QUOTE=Aetna;40245589]Hey guys, I'm reaaally starting to like my fuck buddy, what do? She's only interested in sex every so often and nothing else, we don't really kick it very often. Whenever she hits me up we usually go out for a bit then go home and fuck and then she's on her way. The thing is, whenever we're not having sex I'm absolutely blown away by her personality and her amazing smile. Most girls don't make me feel that way. I could cut it off right now and prevent getting hurt, but at the same time that means I don't have any interaction with her at all.[/QUOTE]
yeah you either have to talk to her about that or stop
its just unhealthy to be in a relationship that's so one-sided
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;40245735]yeah you either have to talk to her about that or stop
its just unhealthy to be in a relationship that's so one-sided[/QUOTE]
On of our mutual girl friends talked to her about it without telling me and told her she was being fucked up and was taking advantage of me or whatever. The girl I'm seeing, Jenny, immediately texted me and asked if she was upsetting me or if I was unhappy with the situation and I just told her not to worry about it. I guess I'd rather have the sex than nothing at all, unless you guys really think it'll be a major problem in the future. I've never been in this particular position before.
[QUOTE=Aetna;40245932]On of our mutual girl friends talked to her about it without telling me and told her she was being fucked up and was taking advantage of me or whatever. The girl I'm seeing, Jenny, immediately texted me and asked if she was upsetting me or if I was unhappy with the situation and I just told her not to worry about it. I guess I'd rather have the sex than nothing at all, unless you guys really think it'll be a major problem in the future. I've never been in this particular position before.[/QUOTE]
you need to either tell her what you're feeling or end it. the feelings you're trying to ignore are only going to fester and make you feel shitty.
[editline]11th April 2013[/editline]
i was in a similar situation over this past summer, and it's really not fun when it all comes to a head after months of trying to ignore it, only to have her end it because she doesn't feel the same way. you're better off getting it out there quick.
Hey guys, so I'm kinda worried about a friend-that-is-a-girl of mine.
Basically it's the typical over-controlling dickhead boyfriend story. Except I have no interest whatsoever of being with her. They've been together for 2 years (of which I've only know her for the last 6 or so months) I always kinda thought he seemed like a dick but it wasn't until her friends (some of my best/closest friends) explained just how bad he is. I guess I thought they were kinda overreacting at first and that we shouldn't get involved, but now I'm not so sure...
The two of them actually broke up a few weeks ago but she still talks to him since he's basically made her depend on him. He doesn't let her go out to gatherings/meals/parties etc so it means she doesn't really ever see any friends... We're not really sure why she so blindly obeys him. She hardly sees her friends at college (UK so 16-18) as a result of this since it's made her feel so socially awkward that she just doesn't want to...
This Tuesday a few friends and her and I arranged to go out and do some shopping etc etc. To our surprise she actually turned up. She spent the whole day texting him, and not because she really wanted to talk to him. That night I got a text from her telling me not to mention the day on facebook at all because she told him she wasn't going and he has her password. Just now he logged into her account and PRETENDED TO BE HER asking me if I had fun on tuesday. I recognised it wasn't her writing style straight away and just went along with it. Then I get a text from one of our mutual friends saying that he told her (as in our mutual friend) that I said she tried tried to kiss me (she didn't at all lol). Obviously my friend doesn't believe it or anything, but that's not the point.
So, like, what should we do? I don't usually like getting involved with other people's relationships but this seems bad...
[QUOTE=Aetna;40245589]Hey guys, I'm reaaally starting to like my fuck buddy, what do? She's only interested in sex every so often and nothing else, we don't really kick it very often. Whenever she hits me up we usually go out for a bit then go home and fuck and then she's on her way. The thing is, whenever we're not having sex I'm absolutely blown away by her personality and her amazing smile. Most girls don't make me feel that way. I could cut it off right now and prevent getting hurt, but at the same time that means I don't have any interaction with her at all.[/QUOTE]
Cut it off or talk to her about it
[QUOTE=Aetna;40245589]Hey guys, I'm reaaally starting to like my fuck buddy, what do? She's only interested in sex every so often and nothing else, we don't really kick it very often. Whenever she hits me up we usually go out for a bit then go home and fuck and then she's on her way. The thing is, whenever we're not having sex I'm absolutely blown away by her personality and her amazing smile. Most girls don't make me feel that way. I could cut it off right now and prevent getting hurt, but at the same time that means I don't have any interaction with her at all.[/QUOTE]
Painful sex or blissful masturbation.
Well shit, I feel like I can't get over her. I saw her today and just waved, she looked right past me. The other day we gave a head nod to one another. I feel like when I was with her we could never talk about important things for a long time. I mean it felt stale. I couldn't talk about what I wanted with her if it contained something about another girl she just got mad at me. I never cheated on her, but apparently she confessed her love for some guy on facebook while we were going through our first break up. She always had something to say negatively about someone. I just couldn't take that gossip. How image conscious she was. But she helped me clear my head so often. When I had a project she'd bounce ideas off with me how to do this and that. I miss how good she looked. I mean she smiled and I feel like I couldn't be mad at her. I devoted so much time to her, and now I can't stop thinking, how much of this was real? I mean she was my first everything. I am losing weight like crazy, went from 198 to 187. My heart physically hurts. My eyes have these dark circles. I feel myself sometimes losing my breath. I am moving forward. I am throwing a party this Saturday with people I've neglected since my ex and I dated. I just feel like they won't show up because I never shown up to their things. I just physically don't feel up to things, but I keep moving on. I am worried that by commuting to college next year I am getting rid of my opportunities from meeting the next group of friends. Any help? Sorry for the awful formatting, my computer is on the fritz.
[editline]12th April 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Rhenae;40239610]Sears, or whatever you local equivalent shop is. Buying online is silly and over expensive, same with the stuff you will find at local dress speciality shops. I got my prom dress for 30 bucks on sale, it's a simple but fairly elegant black dress which I can re-wear to most any other occasion.
[editline]10th April 2013[/editline]
She was upset and you comforted her, but she may not feel the same once she isn't in the same emotionally vulnerable state.
Anyway she said she wanted to hang out again so ask her to hang out again. If she doesn't come up to you at school why not go up to her? Take some initiative.[/QUOTE]
She said no, she said it didn't feel right. :(
[QUOTE=PoopOnMyFace;40250392][editline]12th April 2013[/editline]
She said no, she said it didn't feel right. :([/QUOTE]
Nothing to do other than move on and find someone else then, no loss.
[QUOTE=PoopOnMyFace;40250392][editline]12th April 2013[/editline]
She said no, she said it didn't feel right. :([/QUOTE]
Well now you know that you can move on! And that's a good thing. There are plenty of fish in the sea - but you don't date fish
find girls instead
love advice movie night! jump in chat for details!
Hi guys, you probably don't remember who I am. I'll try to refresh your memory
[QUOTE]Hi guys, my name is Jaric. I'm only 16 years old, so I'll be the first to admit that my problems are mostly petty. As you can see I don't really post on facepunch, I sort of just lurk around. That's mostly because I don't really have much to offer in discussions, and the jokes I think of are kind of meh. However, I kind of dug myself a really deep hole recently and I need some help getting out. I've been talking to some people offline, but none of them have been really helping. The person that usually gets me through stuff like this hates me now so I can't really talk to her. Yeah, that's basically my problem. Our parents are in the military which means we move around a lot. 3 years ago she moved to Japan, and I moved shortly afterwards. We didn't really start to become friends until a year after that during 9th grade. Ever since then we've been talking a lot, and our relationship got stronger and stronger. Eventually, our friendship grew so strong to the point where we tell each other all of our problems. It was amazing. We loved each other very much, but the more we grew closer the more I started to fall in love. She was going out with this guy when I confessed my feelings for her, and she broke up with him because as it turns out she liked me too. We didn't last very long as lovers, in fact we only lasted for a week. She told me that she liked me better as a friend, and that she likes my best friend Bob. That was a very rough time for me, but we were really good friends so I decided that I should man up and make her happy. I set her up with my best friend, and as a result I was depressed for at least a month. It wasn't really that bad though, because me and her still had an evolving relationship through friendship. In fact, after a while she even confessed that she still loves me more than she loves Bob, although she only loves me as a friend. I asked her why she chose Bob over me and if there was ever a chance for the two of us to go out... she said that she really only just sees me as a friend. At this point me and Bob have been giving each other the cold shoulder, because Bob found out that I still wanted to go out with her. I didn't really mind though, as long as I can be best friends with her I'm sort of happy. This went on for about 2 months. She was getting depressed about me leaving even after I promised her that I'll go to college with her. As you can see, we really meant a lot to each other. Even though I was happy with the two of us being great friends, I still had a huge crush on her and I still wanted to be with her as more than friends. Recently, she informed me that she and Bob have been having sex. This broke my heart. It hurt more than the time she broke up with me for Bob. I went to her house that night, and I told her how I felt...again. Everything was going fine. She was just comforting me by hugging me, and telling me that I'll find someone else as a girlfriend. She's still clearly disinterested in going out with me. Then before I left, I made the biggest mistake of my life. Out of impulse, I leaned forward, put my hands around her head and kissed her. This made her really mad, she told Bob about it that very same night. I apologized multiple times but she won't forgive me, and I can understand that. After all, I almost ruined her relationship (they're still going out). She won't even talk to me anymore, and now I don't know what to do. I still want to be friends with her(yes, just as a friend. I don't care about going out with her anymore, I just want her as a friend back). She was the only thing keeping me happy. How can I apologize to someone who won't even talk or look at me? How can she even forgive me? She even removed me from Skype. Please give me advice. I've been crying my eyes out ever since I saw that I don't have her as a friend on skype anymore.[/QUOTE]
That was posted in the last thread and I really appreciated your guys' help. I followed the advice you guys gave me and I pretty much avoided talking to her for about 3 weeks. It wasn't easy. It's embarrassing for me to admit, but there were plenty of nights where I cried myself to sleep. But towards the end of the 3rd week, I was honestly starting to do well. I thought I was finally going to get over her and that we can both finally move on with our lives. 2 days ago I got a call. To my surprise, it was from her. I had just woken up at this point (it's still spring break for our school right now), and I was getting a little nervous. I answered the phone and she was crying, pretty heavily. In all of the time I've known her, this is the first time she's ever cried like that. I could barely make out her sentences because of how hard she was crying but I was able to decipher this "Jaric, thank you for everything you've done for me, and I'm sorry but this is the last time you'll ever see me. I think I'm really going to go through with this". Sudden panic engulfs me. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before . The closest thing to death that I ever experienced was when my grandfather died and that was like 13 years ago. There were already signs before that pointed to her being suicidal, like cutting herself, but in all those times I was there for her. So she was never really driven to this point, until now that is. I started to panic-yell
"What? What are you talking about? Stop what you're doing. I'm headed over there right now, give me 15 minutes. Please just 15 minutes, wait for me"
"I'm not home"
"What? Where are you?"
"I'm on base" ( I live on a military base, she lives outside of it nearby)
"Where on base!"
She hangs up
I rush directly outside, while still trying to contact her. At this point I'm not really thinking anymore. I was sort of just running around, and yelling her name. I was scared. Then I started to actually think about this. I'm a pretty smart kid, when I'm calm. I figured out that the only reason she'd be on base alone during spring break is if she had an appointment with her therapist. So I rush over there, ignored every security guard, and went straight for the man himself. This guy really pissed me off. When I told him what she said to me over the phone, he said that it didn't really sound like a threat. I got really fucking pissed.
"I'm not gonna take that risk!" I yelled
In retrospect, it really didn't sound like she was going to commit suicide. Nevertheless, he should have showed more concern. They called her parents "just to be sure" and I rush outside again
I run around and I keep trying to call her for like 15 minutes, until finally someone picks up again. It was Bob. He said "She doesn't have her phone with her" I felt the weirdest combination of relief and confusion. If she met up with Bob, that means she couldn't be in any sort of danger anymore, but there were still so many unanswered questions. Turns out when her counselor called her parents, her step-dad was able to find her before she was able to fully drink the cough syrup and he took her home. Bob was there and they had a fight that resulted in her throwing her phone at him. I could have left it at that, but I wasn't satisfied. I had to make sure she'd never do that again. I go to her house and I talk to her. Turns out, when they had sex one time the condom broke. Which meant she had to tell her mom, and then her mom got really pissed. Her punishment, was getting sent back to California which basically meant being away from everyone she loved. She said first she lost me, and now she's going to lose Bob.
"Why don't we just become friends again then?" I asked
"But Bob"
Then everything became clear. I knew it was weird for her to hold a grudge. Bob was forcing her to not be friends with me, which makes sense I guess. I've come to accept my defeat, but I still had to do something about the suicide thing
"How about this? If you get sent to Cali, we'd start chatting again. Like how we met."
"...alright I won't commit suicide" [I think you should know that you're getting the abridged version of all the dialogues]
I gave my number to her parents just in case something like this happens again. Apparently I was the only person she called that day. She said she thought, I was the only who would care. After this whole thing I've been overcome with hope again. Hope that we'll be friends again. Later that night she told me that her mom won't be sending her to Cali after all. Her punishment was now being grounded for 5 months. Then 2 days have passed and nothing else have happened.
She still hasn't talked to me.
And now I'm back to square one. Just when I was finally starting to get over her, I'm back to being depressed as shit. What do I do facepunch? Do I try to be friends with her again? Or is it really impossible with Bob there?
[QUOTE=Dunsparce;40252618]Hi guys, you probably don't remember who I am. I'll try to refresh your memory
That was posted in the last thread and I really appreciated your guys' help. I followed the advice you guys gave me and I pretty much avoided talking to her for about 3 weeks. It wasn't easy. It's embarrassing for me to admit, but there were plenty of nights where I cried myself to sleep. But towards the end of the 3rd week, I was honestly starting to do well. I thought I was finally going to get over her and that we can both finally move on with our lives. 2 days ago I got a call. To my surprise, it was from her. I had just woken up at this point (it's still spring break for our school right now), and I was getting a little nervous. I answered the phone and she was crying, pretty heavily. In all of the time I've known her, this is the first time she's ever cried like that. I could barely make out her sentences because of how hard she was crying but I was able to decipher this "Jaric, thank you for everything you've done for me, and I'm sorry but this is the last time you'll ever see me. I think I'm really going to go through with this". Sudden panic engulfs me. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before . The closest thing to death that I ever experienced was when my grandfather died and that was like 13 years ago. There were already signs before that pointed to her being suicidal, like cutting herself, but in all those times I was there for her. So she was never really driven to this point, until now that is. I started to panic-yell
"What? What are you talking about? Stop what you're doing. I'm headed over there right now, give me 15 minutes. Please just 15 minutes, wait for me"
"I'm not home"
"What? Where are you?"
"I'm on base" ( I live on a military base, she lives outside of it nearby)
"Where on base!"
She hangs up
I rush directly outside, while still trying to contact her. At this point I'm not really thinking anymore. I was sort of just running around, and yelling her name. I was scared. Then I started to actually think about this. I'm a pretty smart kid, when I'm calm. I figured out that the only reason she'd be on base alone during spring break is if she had an appointment with her therapist. So I rush over there, ignored every security guard, and went straight for the man himself. This guy really pissed me off. When I told him what she said to me over the phone, he said that it didn't really sound like a threat. I got really fucking pissed.
"I'm not gonna take that risk!" I yelled
In retrospect, it really didn't sound like she was going to commit suicide. Nevertheless, he should have showed more concern. They called her parents "just to be sure" and I rush outside again
I run around and I keep trying to call her for like 15 minutes, until finally someone picks up again. It was Bob. He said "She doesn't have her phone with her" I felt the weirdest combination of relief and confusion. If she met up with Bob, that means she couldn't be in any sort of danger anymore, but there were still so many unanswered questions. Turns out when her counselor called her parents, her step-dad was able to find her before she was able to fully drink the cough syrup and he took her home. Bob was there and they had a fight that resulted in her throwing her phone at him. I could have left it at that, but I wasn't satisfied. I had to make sure she'd never do that again. I go to her house and I talk to her. Turns out, when they had sex one time the condom broke. Which meant she had to tell her mom, and then her mom got really pissed. Her punishment, was getting sent back to California which basically meant being away from everyone she loved. She said first she lost me, and now she's going to lose Bob.
"Why don't we just become friends again then?" I asked
"But Bob"
Then everything became clear. I knew it was weird for her to hold a grudge. Bob was forcing her to not be friends with me, which makes sense I guess. I've come to accept my defeat, but I still had to do something about the suicide thing
"How about this? If you get sent to Cali, we'd start chatting again. Like how we met."
"...alright I won't commit suicide" [I think you should know that you're getting the abridged version of all the dialogues]
I gave my number to her parents just in case something like this happens again. Apparently I was the only person she called that day. She said she thought, I was the only who would care. After this whole thing I've been overcome with hope again. Hope that we'll be friends again. Later that night she told me that her mom won't be sending her to Cali after all. Her punishment was now being grounded for 5 months. Then 2 days have passed and nothing else have happened.
She still hasn't talked to me.
And now I'm back to square one. Just when I was finally starting to get over her, I'm back to being depressed as shit. What do I do facepunch? Do I try to be friends with her again? Or is it really impossible with Bob there?[/QUOTE]
You should tell her that you'll always be there for her, but there isn't much you can do besides that without running the risk of hurting [U]a lot[/U] of people. Bob seems like an ass for not letting her hang out with you, but it's understandable. Her parents seem like assholes too, but you can't really change that.
You may be friends one day, but you really should let this blow over.
i've been talking with this girl all night and we're both into each other. This would be my first real relationship i'm a little nervous yet I feel soo good.
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;40252873]i've been talking with this girl all night and we're both into each other. This would be my first real relationship i'm a little nervous yet I feel soo good.[/QUOTE]
good luck! just play it cool and don't count your chickens before they hatch!
[QUOTE=Dunsparce;40252618]Hi guys, you probably don't remember who I am. I'll try to refresh your memory
That was posted in the last thread and I really appreciated your guys' help. I followed the advice you guys gave me and I pretty much avoided talking to her for about 3 weeks. It wasn't easy. It's embarrassing for me to admit, but there were plenty of nights where I cried myself to sleep. But towards the end of the 3rd week, I was honestly starting to do well. I thought I was finally going to get over her and that we can both finally move on with our lives. 2 days ago I got a call. To my surprise, it was from her. I had just woken up at this point (it's still spring break for our school right now), and I was getting a little nervous. I answered the phone and she was crying, pretty heavily. In all of the time I've known her, this is the first time she's ever cried like that. I could barely make out her sentences because of how hard she was crying but I was able to decipher this "Jaric, thank you for everything you've done for me, and I'm sorry but this is the last time you'll ever see me. I think I'm really going to go through with this". Sudden panic engulfs me. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before . The closest thing to death that I ever experienced was when my grandfather died and that was like 13 years ago. There were already signs before that pointed to her being suicidal, like cutting herself, but in all those times I was there for her. So she was never really driven to this point, until now that is. I started to panic-yell
"What? What are you talking about? Stop what you're doing. I'm headed over there right now, give me 15 minutes. Please just 15 minutes, wait for me"
"I'm not home"
"What? Where are you?"
"I'm on base" ( I live on a military base, she lives outside of it nearby)
"Where on base!"
She hangs up
I rush directly outside, while still trying to contact her. At this point I'm not really thinking anymore. I was sort of just running around, and yelling her name. I was scared. Then I started to actually think about this. I'm a pretty smart kid, when I'm calm. I figured out that the only reason she'd be on base alone during spring break is if she had an appointment with her therapist. So I rush over there, ignored every security guard, and went straight for the man himself. This guy really pissed me off. When I told him what she said to me over the phone, he said that it didn't really sound like a threat. I got really fucking pissed.
"I'm not gonna take that risk!" I yelled
In retrospect, it really didn't sound like she was going to commit suicide. Nevertheless, he should have showed more concern. They called her parents "just to be sure" and I rush outside again
I run around and I keep trying to call her for like 15 minutes, until finally someone picks up again. It was Bob. He said "She doesn't have her phone with her" I felt the weirdest combination of relief and confusion. If she met up with Bob, that means she couldn't be in any sort of danger anymore, but there were still so many unanswered questions. Turns out when her counselor called her parents, her step-dad was able to find her before she was able to fully drink the cough syrup and he took her home. Bob was there and they had a fight that resulted in her throwing her phone at him. I could have left it at that, but I wasn't satisfied. I had to make sure she'd never do that again. I go to her house and I talk to her. Turns out, when they had sex one time the condom broke. Which meant she had to tell her mom, and then her mom got really pissed. Her punishment, was getting sent back to California which basically meant being away from everyone she loved. She said first she lost me, and now she's going to lose Bob.
"Why don't we just become friends again then?" I asked
"But Bob"
Then everything became clear. I knew it was weird for her to hold a grudge. Bob was forcing her to not be friends with me, which makes sense I guess. I've come to accept my defeat, but I still had to do something about the suicide thing
"How about this? If you get sent to Cali, we'd start chatting again. Like how we met."
"...alright I won't commit suicide" [I think you should know that you're getting the abridged version of all the dialogues]
I gave my number to her parents just in case something like this happens again. Apparently I was the only person she called that day. She said she thought, I was the only who would care. After this whole thing I've been overcome with hope again. Hope that we'll be friends again. Later that night she told me that her mom won't be sending her to Cali after all. Her punishment was now being grounded for 5 months. Then 2 days have passed and nothing else have happened.
She still hasn't talked to me.
And now I'm back to square one. Just when I was finally starting to get over her, I'm back to being depressed as shit. What do I do facepunch? Do I try to be friends with her again? Or is it really impossible with Bob there?[/QUOTE]
What OogalaBoogal said. It seems like this girl's been a part of your life for a long time now, and frankly not an incredibly good part of it. I think you should definitely be her friend if it comes down to her moving to Cali, do whatever you can for her, but keep on the path you were on before all this. You were so close, and trust me I know exactly how it feels to be just about over someone and have them pop back up again, it sucks. A lot. But you just have to keep going. It's actually a bit easier than the first time. Just pick back up where you left off. If you have to, if she moves so soon, just let her know that while you want to be her friend you want to keep it to sort of a minimum [I]at first.[/I] Don't let her consume your life.
[QUOTE=riku2211;40253025]... just let her know that while you want to be her friend you want to keep it to sort of a minimum [I]at first.[/I] [B]Don't let her consume your life.[/B][/QUOTE]
Those words are so important.
So my semesters ending soon and I haven't really met anybody I'm interested in. I was thinking about joining clubs next semester, but I'm curious, what are some good places to go to meet people my age (20), since I don't feel like waiting until then?
I guess it can't be helped. All I can really do is wait. I wish life was more like a sitcom. All my problems would have been fixed at this point
Thank you guys. Even for just reading. That really means a lot. To return your guys' kindness I will try to give some advice to some people in this thread too.
[QUOTE]So my semesters ending soon and I haven't really met anybody I'm interested in. I was thinking about joining clubs next semester, but I'm curious, what are some good places to go to meet people my age (20), since I don't feel like waiting until then?[/QUOTE]
You should go to places you truly enjoy being in. That way when you do meet somebody there, you truly have something in common.
(yeah, so I'm not really Dr. Phil but I'll try my darndest)
[QUOTE=Tennisball;40249663]Hey guys, so I'm kinda worried about a friend-that-is-a-girl of mine.
Basically it's the typical over-controlling dickhead boyfriend story. Except I have no interest whatsoever of being with her. They've been together for 2 years (of which I've only know her for the last 6 or so months) I always kinda thought he seemed like a dick but it wasn't until her friends (some of my best/closest friends) explained just how bad he is. I guess I thought they were kinda overreacting at first and that we shouldn't get involved, but now I'm not so sure...
The two of them actually broke up a few weeks ago but she still talks to him since he's basically made her depend on him. He doesn't let her go out to gatherings/meals/parties etc so it means she doesn't really ever see any friends... We're not really sure why she so blindly obeys him. She hardly sees her friends at college (UK so 16-18) as a result of this since it's made her feel so socially awkward that she just doesn't want to...
This Tuesday a few friends and her and I arranged to go out and do some shopping etc etc. To our surprise she actually turned up. She spent the whole day texting him, and not because she really wanted to talk to him. That night I got a text from her telling me not to mention the day on facebook at all because she told him she wasn't going and he has her password. Just now he logged into her account and PRETENDED TO BE HER asking me if I had fun on tuesday. I recognised it wasn't her writing style straight away and just went along with it. Then I get a text from one of our mutual friends saying that he told her (as in our mutual friend) that I said she tried tried to kiss me (she didn't at all lol). Obviously my friend doesn't believe it or anything, but that's not the point.
So, like, what should we do? I don't usually like getting involved with other people's relationships but this seems bad...[/QUOTE]
Keep your nose out of it, carry on being a good friend, but anything you do to try and split them up or whatever will just end with you losing her as a friend. Tell her you're worried about her, that you don't think her relationship with him is healthy or whatever, talk to her yes, but there's nothing more you can do for her, she's got to figure it out for herself.
[QUOTE=Dunsparce;40252618]
And now I'm back to square one. Just when I was finally starting to get over her, I'm back to being depressed as shit. What do I do facepunch? Do I try to be friends with her again? Or is it really impossible with Bob there?[/QUOTE]
Not to sound dismissive of you dude, but you guys are 16. Literally every one thinks their life is like a big drama tv series at that age, you will blow this shit out of proportion.
Your brain is tricking you into being more obsessive about her than you should, because you're lusting after her (yeah yeah Ive heard the "i just want to be her bestest friend" schtick before, its absolutely a well meaning lie when there is physical attraction there). I'm not saying you can't care about her, but ultimately she needs to sort out her own shit and you are just feeding the drama pot.
I'd recommend you go out and talk to some other girls and stop trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved - because to be brutally honest it sounds like she is using you as an emotional wet cloth when shit goes south with her boyfriend. I'd almost go as far as saying it sounds like she might have BPD which is not something you want to get caught up in, but I won't make that judgement without knowing more of the situation.
[QUOTE=Ardosos;40223174]Everyone I've talked to about the subject has told me that's socially unacceptable for some reason.[/QUOTE]
Just say so. I asked a girl out at first but she didn't take it seriously. Thought it was more of a get together as friends thing. So I did it again and explained to her. After I did the dumbest thing in my life. (See the text below.) She did actually go out with me. :v:
So yeah, just say it.
[editline]12th April 2013[/editline]
Also a tip for you guys who have given up on interacting with women. Sign up for IT Engineering. I haven't seen a woman in ages and my education takes on average ~7 years! It is great. Trust me.
[editline]12th April 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;40231904]everyone takes off most of the suit/tux at prom anyway, it gets very hot very fast[/QUOTE]
You should wear a blue suit instead.
[editline]12th April 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=SleepyAl;40191228]Yeah, a big problem for me is that I overthink wayyyy too much. I think about all the ways I could fuck it up, all the reasons why she would say no, reasons she could have previously been interested in me but something I did turned her off, social gaffs I could do if she said yes, the fact that I shake a bit thanks to my meds and if she'd see that as nervousness and get turned off, if she knows how meek and unassuming I am and thinks of that as a turn-off, etc. And if I think positively it jumps straight to relationship and all the fears and expectations associated with that.
God, it's just such a horrible feeling in my chest. Uncertainty swallows me up, and then anxiety adds to the cocktail, making me feel like there's this black hole where my heart would be. I know I'm probably going to be depressed if she says no and depressed if she says yes. I just wish I could be chill about it.[/QUOTE]
Just do it. I mean, you can't do it any stranger than I did when I asked a girl out for the first time. I posted the story a while ago but I doubt anyone remembers. I wanted to convince the girl to go out with me after she said it would be weird since we've known each other for so long. So I pulled out my keychain and basically "hypnotized" her. Wiping her memory of me so that we can get to know each other from the start. She played along and I got a yes. I had no idea what I was doing. :v:
So yeah, don't do that. Or actually, do it. I want to see if it works for others.
Or if you want to get away from over thinking things. Do what I said earlier. Sign up for IT Engineering. My mind is clear but it sadly also made it very obvious that I am stupid. Which I thought was a side effect from over thinking. Guess not.
[QUOTE=blacksam;40250288]Well shit, I feel like I can't get over her. I saw her today and just waved, she looked right past me. The other day we gave a head nod to one another. I feel like when I was with her we could never talk about important things for a long time. I mean it felt stale. I couldn't talk about what I wanted with her if it contained something about another girl she just got mad at me. I never cheated on her, but apparently she confessed her love for some guy on facebook while we were going through our first break up. She always had something to say negatively about someone. I just couldn't take that gossip. How image conscious she was. But she helped me clear my head so often. When I had a project she'd bounce ideas off with me how to do this and that. I miss how good she looked. I mean she smiled and I feel like I couldn't be mad at her. I devoted so much time to her, and now I can't stop thinking, how much of this was real? I mean she was my first everything. I am losing weight like crazy, went from 198 to 187. My heart physically hurts. My eyes have these dark circles. I feel myself sometimes losing my breath. I am moving forward. I am throwing a party this Saturday with people I've neglected since my ex and I dated. I just feel like they won't show up because I never shown up to their things. I just physically don't feel up to things, but I keep moving on. I am worried that by commuting to college next year I am getting rid of my opportunities from meeting the next group of friends. Any help? Sorry for the awful formatting, my computer is on the fritz.[/QUOTE]
Keep moving forward, dude. It's going to hurt for a while but you will get there, and you know that. It's only been a few weeks and so your wounds are still fresh and you need to resist the temptation to poke at them. Give yourself--and her--time and space to heal before entertaining the idea of rekindling a friendship. You're already able to look back a little more objectively and identify a bunch of things that you weren't happy with. The only things that you are holding onto, at least from what I gather from your post, are things that weren't really specific to her at all, were they? She let you vent to her and was a good listener, she helped you float ideas for school work, she looked good and had a smile that could make everything else not matter for just a few moments; realize that these are all things that anyone can give you, that someone else[I]will[/I] one day give to you again. I'm not saying that she wasn't special, or that what you had together wasn't special, and I'm not suggesting that you should just run out and find someone else to replace her, I just hope to give you some perspective on how you're feeling. I've been where you're at and I know how hopeless it can feel, how endlessly grey your days become, but you [B]will[/B] move on from this. You will laugh and love and smile again, so long as you refocus onto yourself and don't stop moving.
It's great that you're already taking steps to do that as well. Reconnecting with old friends and making new ones is good, but be wary of making crutches out of those around you or rushing into things with other girls just to make yourself temporarily feel better. Take this time to fall in love with yourself again. The people that you put around yourself right now are also important and if you need to get some weight off of your chest then you shouldn't feel hesitant to open up to your closest friends. Sometimes just hearing yourself say your thoughts out loud helps. Picking up old hobbies or creative outputs that you've neglected is also healthy! I would suggest concerning yourself with these things for now and leaving the college/commuting/social situation until you've sorted this one out, and besides, you can still make friends without living on campus. All the best!
[QUOTE=JaegerMonster;40254447]Not to sound dismissive of you dude, but you guys are 16. Literally every one thinks their life is like a big drama tv series at that age, you will blow this shit out of proportion.
Your brain is tricking you into being more obsessive about her than you should, because you're lusting after her (yeah yeah Ive heard the "i just want to be her bestest friend" schtick before, its absolutely a well meaning lie when there is physical attraction there). I'm not saying you can't care about her, but ultimately she needs to sort out her own shit and you are just feeding the drama pot.
I'd recommend you go out and talk to some other girls and stop trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved - because to be brutally honest it sounds like she is using you as an emotional wet cloth when shit goes south with her boyfriend. I'd almost go as far as saying it sounds like she might have BPD which is not something you want to get caught up in, but I won't make that judgement without knowing more of the situation.[/QUOTE]
I'm fully aware that in 5 years none of this might matter to me anymore. I've heard that a lot, but (maybe this is just my naivety speaking) right now all I want to do is act according to what I'm feeling now. She called me. She didn't call anyone else. I think that meant that she wanted me to save her. If she really didn't want to be saved she'd have just done it and left a letter. But she called me. So I did what anyone would have done in my position. I pulled her out of it. Maybe you're right. Maybe my brain is just blowing shit out of proportion, maybe I am just an emotional wet cloth to her, maybe she does have BPD, but I definitely don't want her dead. Of course now I'm staying out of it. I'm letting her and her family deal with this alone. But if something like this happens again, I'll be there for her. And I don't think I'll regret it.
Cause, you know. I'll never be able to live with myself if I just let a friend die. Even if it is a former friend.
Is it dickish for a friend to say "text me if you need anything, in fact text me when you're done and i'll pick you up" from a party, and then proceed to try to bail out of picking you up because she's studying?
Nearly happened last night after I was realtively drunk, and she told me to just take the bus instead because she was busy. She came to get me after I nagged her, but it did piss me off.
Oogala, I missed that post what is happening with movie night
I bet it was a documentary on pickup art
We watched "Hitch". Best romcom ever. Also most relevant.
[editline]12th April 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=killerteacup;40255463]I bet it was a documentary on pickup art[/QUOTE]
You were basically 70% right.
[editline]12th April 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Reimu;40255109]Is it dickish for a friend to say "text me if you need anything, in fact text me when you're done and i'll pick you up" from a party, and then proceed to try to bail out of picking you up because she's studying?
Nearly happened last night after I was realtively drunk, and she told me to just take the bus instead because she was busy. She came to get me after I nagged her, but it did piss me off.[/QUOTE]
It's slightly dickish, but it's not really something getting too worked up about.
[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;40256754]It's slightly dickish, but it's not really something getting too worked up about.[/QUOTE]
Yeah it's not a huge deal - I mean she picked me up after all - but she does ditch me a lot for plans in-general.
I've talked to her about it in the past though so she's being more considerate. It's more because of the context of her ditching me a lot that it pisses me off, not because of this one time.
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