Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Agoat]

[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42332014]There's a student group for pretty much everything.

Honestly, though, the group is full of interesting and entertaining people that I love hanging out with. I just wasn't quite expecting so many of them to be gay.[/QUOTE]
You should join the student group for selling used cars.

[editline]28th September 2013[/editline]

hey pm me the full sized version of your avatar and i'll crop it and make it look nice when i get home

[Recurracy]

I think this might be a bit of a wall of text but please hear me out on this. I'm kind of stuck between two things and I need some help.

First or all, I have Aspergers, and as we all know all too well it can make social interaction (a little) more difficult than the average person.

I'm gonna tell a bit about myself so you can sketch a picture of the situation I'm in.
I know a guy since elementary school, let's call him R. He's my best friend, but as of now I feel like our relationship has gone down a bit. He's had some really rough times I helped him through, but I think that he can't help me with the situation I am in now. As I said, I'm stuck between two things. I want to get out more and be more social, but on the other hand, it sometimes feels like he's trying to pull me back to the computer again, which I am trying to get away from. I don't really know what else R does during the day apart from work and playing games, but I can't have that anymore myself. I'm done with that. It's not like we can't play games anymore, that's bullshit, but it just feels like we're growing apart from each other. When he asks me if we can play some game I usually think no but say yes because I don't want to disappoint him. But apart from playing games we don't do much anymore.

More than two years ago, I would say that I was a total social wreck. I was nervous, I was not open for people and showed very little interest. But when I did, it sometimes turned around to me. There was this guy in high school who came to my home just to play on the computer. He was allowed only 1 hour on the PC by his parents. He just wasn't my friend, but he disguised himself to be so. He made me believe that he was... This is one of the reasons I have such difficulty distinguising real friends from people who I THINK are friends. I only really thought about this just recently, since I'm slowly starting to know people.
I'm in college now since two years, and last year things changed me in a positive way. Luckily I did make two friends from that class and met some of their friends, but I haven't seem them in a long while now despite me asking if they wanna hang out or something.

I'm trying to be as outgoing as I can and whenever an oppertunity shows up I'll try to be there. When my family's around or some of my parents' friends I'll try to hang around and get engaged in conversation. Of course it's easier with my family than strangers. That's definitely a positive change for me compared to two years ago where I wouldn't even try to get a conversation going or go out to a club/someone's crib/whatever.
For example, yesterday, I was hanging around a guy's house I've only seen two times now, but what I do know is I like this group of people. They're just great guys and they seem to tolerate people a lot. My cousin literally dragged me to the club they tend to go to sometimes and I don't regret a god damn thing. There wasn't a lot I could talk about but I felt good for the first time in a long while. I just gotta loosen up so much more.

It's not much of a question I am posting I guess but I just really needed to get this off my chest.

[editline]28th September 2013[/editline]

tl;dr, I'm trying to get out of semi-isolation

[NoDachi]

[QUOTE=thisispain;42331141]what did you get out of this weird relationship[/QUOTE]

pussy all night

[jhfjdh746]

The sex was pretty great.

[OogalaBoogal]

My current fave student group is the campus radio station, they are pretty cool people.

[biccboi]

[QUOTE=Recurracy;42335299]-text-[/QUOTE]

I wish more people out there had your attitude, this is how2 life.

Also, lucky for you having people around you to help you, that's not something everyone has.

[Recurracy]

[QUOTE=JohanGS;42336027]I wish more people out there had your attitude, this is how2 life.

Also, lucky for you having people around you to help you, that's not something everyone has.[/QUOTE]
Attitude has been like 60% of the problem for me, anyway. Whenever someone actually went up to me and asked if we could do something I already subconsiously was summing up cons about the thing the guy wanted to do with me and so I decided to stay safe in my room. I just had to snap out of it and I think I'm doing well.
I just wish I decided this earlier. I'm 19 years old now, and of course it's never too old to learn, but I think I may have missed some pretty crucial things with my shit attitude.

And yeah, it really does help to have them around me. I just don't want to be indifferent towards my 'best' friend, he's still a really nice guy. But we're just growing apart from each other, he said he feels he's 'losing me'. And it's true. I'm honestly quite indifferent towards it but I just don't want to disappoint him.

[editline]28th September 2013[/editline]

It's just that I constantly get these awkward silences after actually getting a conversation going that I want to stop some way or another

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=NoDachi;42335326]pussy all night[/QUOTE]

trolling for tight sliz

[theobod]

[QUOTE=Splash Attack;42319153]I'm sorry for your loss. I would seek professional help for your depression if it is that serious.

On the topic of your step-sister, are romantic involvements such as these considered taboo in Sweden? Though you guys aren't technically related, this type of romantic involvement would probably be considered borderline incestuous if it were in America.[/QUOTE]

Thanks. My thoughts of killing myself and self harming is gone, I do feel better due to reaching out to friends and such.

I dont think so, but I want to talk with her about it and maybe not get togheter with her, might be wierd now that I think about it. But the problem now is that she just dont care about me it seems, dont know what to say to her.

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=theobod;42336964]Thanks. My thoughts of killing myself and self harming is gone, I do feel better due to reaching out to friends and such.

I dont think so, but I want to talk with her about it and maybe not get togheter with her, might be wierd not that I think about it. But the problem now is that she just dont care about me it seems, dont know what to say to her.[/QUOTE]

Are you sure you love her? Its normal for you to be emotionally fragile seeing as you're grieving but you need to take a step back and ask yourself if this is love you feel or just a desire to be close with someone.

[theobod]

[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;42337681]Are you sure you love her? Its normal for you to be emotionally fragile seeing as you're grieving but you need to take a step back and ask yourself if this is love you feel or just a desire to be close with someone.[/QUOTE]

Felt this way for a year, but as of now so am I talking and flirting with an other girl, and I think it'll turn out good. But I still want to have my trust and respect to my step sister, and I want to be honest with her since she's always honest with me.

[Taepodong-2]

Why does it feel like I have to jump through a million hoops for girls to even consider me someone worth talking to while it seems to be so much more natural and easy for everyone else?

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42338569]Why does it feel like I have to jump through a million hoops for girls to even consider me someone worth talking to while it seems to be so much more natural and easy for everyone else?[/QUOTE]

Because you think of yourself as a piece of shit, if you enter a conversation thinking the girl doesn't think you're worth talking to, you're already setting yourself up for failure. The simple difference between you and other people is that these people go and talk to girls while you go and get happy feet and think about too much shit.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42339045]Because you think of yourself as a piece of shit, if you enter a conversation thinking the girl doesn't think you're worth talking to, you're already setting yourself up for failure. The simple difference between you and other people is that these people go and talk to girls while you go and get happy feet and think about too much shit.[/QUOTE]

Now it's too bad I've only experienced failure and that's what set me up for such a negative view of myself.

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42338569]Why does it feel like I have to jump through a million hoops for girls to even consider me someone worth talking to while it seems to be so much more natural and easy for everyone else?[/QUOTE]

ugh
it comes with experience and practice

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=thisispain;42339101]ugh
it comes with experience and practice[/QUOTE]

Now how do I get this if it's so fucking demoralizing and exhausting to be constantly rejected for literally no reason?

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42339112]Now how do I get this if it's so fucking demoralizing and exhausting to be constantly rejected for literally no reason?[/QUOTE]

Step 1 is to not give a shit about rejection, it happens, move on, ask another girl out. Last week I got rejected by 2 different girls and I don't give a fuck, I'm just asking other girls out.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42339164]Step 1 is to not give a shit about rejection, it happens, move on, ask another girl out. Last week I got rejected by 2 different girls and I don't give a fuck, I'm just asking other girls out.[/QUOTE]

I get rejected literally by just saying "hi, how are you?". I don't even get to the point of asking them out because they immediately act totally disinterested and bored.

[Heigou]

With experience comes failure and with failure comes experience, I myself sometimes get rejected directly after just greeting the girl, it has nothing to do with you, it just means the girl isn't interested in you or interested in talking AT ALL regardless of who it is.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42339215]I get rejected literally by just saying "hi, how are you?". I don't even get to the point of asking them out because they immediately act totally disinterested and bored.[/QUOTE]

Jesus christ dude you literally cpme in every couple of weeks and make exactly the same posts you might as well just go read up what we said before because we are just goong to be repeating ourselves

[Taepodong-2]

Well is there any reason why this should be happening every single time?

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42339258]Well is there any reason why this should be happening every single time?[/QUOTE]

Because not all girls are entitled to want to suck your cock the instant you greet them. You also have to change your attitude, see everything as an experience to get better from, not as a failure. I see the world as a mirror, it reflects who and what you are, if everyone tells you that you smell like cow manure then the world simply reflects what you are, someone that smells like shit.

Same goes for your current situation, you keep finding excuses thinking you're a horrible person and that you're not interested to talk to, then if you think and feel that way, the world will reflect it right back to you in your interactions with other people.

Just cut that shit out.

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42339215]I get rejected literally by just saying "hi, how are you?". I don't even get to the point of asking them out because they immediately act totally disinterested and bored.[/QUOTE]

Well yeah they act disinterested all you've said to them is hi. Don't expect a blowjob just for saying hello.

god damn blowjob ninja

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;42339310]Well yeah they act disinterested all you've said to them is hi. Don't expect a blowjob just for saying hello.[/QUOTE]

I'm not expecting that. I'm at the very least expecting them to be friendly and not immediately go into bitch mode just because it's me, but then 5 seconds later have some other guy talk to her and be totally fine.

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42339323]I'm not expecting that. I'm at the very least expecting them to be friendly and not immediately go into bitch mode just because it's me, but then 5 seconds later have some other guy talk to her and be totally fine.[/QUOTE]

That's what you don't get, they don't immediately go into bitch mode because it's [B][I]YOU[/I][/B] as you keep fucking believing, cut that attitude, it's a pain in the ass for all parties involved including yourself, I can guarantee you that if you were to cut that fucking attitude that things would already go much better for you.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42339258]Well is there any reason why this should be happening every single time?[/QUOTE]

because you aren't learning from your mistakes, you're just wallowing in them instead

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42339323]I'm not expecting that. I'm at the very least expecting them to be friendly and not immediately go into bitch mode just because it's me, but then 5 seconds later have some other guy talk to her and be totally fine.[/QUOTE]

if you stopped having this attitude towards life and towards women you would have a much better time

if you can't stop the attitute on your own then seek professional help

[Splash Attack]

There is this guy at school who has the same major as me. He's the type that seems really awkward to be around, yet he is somehow really outgoing. I hang out in the school cafe to work on homework, etc. and almost every day he will walk up and sit with a random girl at a table. The whole time I can just sense how uncomfortable he is making the other person the entire time. I had to stop myself from laughing out loud one day when I saw him try to shake some girls' hand and got denied. It's kind of hard to put his personality into words, but if you met him, you would know what I mean.

It's really good that he's being outgoing like this, but damn he just seems to fuck up so badly at it.

[editline]28th September 2013[/editline]

In a way, he's kind of a role model for dealing with rejection.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42339338]That's what you don't get, they don't immediately go into bitch mode because it's [B][I]YOU[/I][/B] as you keep fucking believing, cut that attitude, it's a pain in the ass for all parties involved including yourself, I can guarantee you that if you were to cut that fucking attitude that things would already go much better for you.[/QUOTE]

Well there's no easy way to get rid of an attitude that's been formed over years of rejection. I know this is what I have to do, but it just feels like I'll have to put my entire life on hold for a few years to deal with it.

[grandaddy]

I've never really talked about anything like this before so I may as well go all out - I think I've forgotten how to be a person.

I am 21 years old, never been in a relationship and can count the number of friends I have on both hands.

I had a pretty shit time with bullying at primary school and high school to the point of being suicidal at one point, didn't know how to talk to my parents about it so I ended up leaving them notes about it, they dismissed it as stress from the exams at the time. I've not spoken to them about it since. I tried talking to girls, but each time I was ridiculed by my peers and simply gave up trying.

After high school I went to college and left with poor grades, I then joined a limited time apprenticeship scheme in IT support. After that finished I was on 'job seekers allowance' for a few months until I found the job I'm currently in which I can honestly say has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I got a job at a major UK bank as an apprentice infrastructure technician, the apprenticeship lasted two years during which I earned a permanent role. I poured everything into my job as I saw it as my last chance to not be a complete failure, ultimately it also meant that I let the friends I had simply slip through my fingers partly through wanting to avoid all memories of high school.

My 21st birthday was nothing more than a family 'party' put together by my parents which served as nothing but a symbol to how much of a social failure I am.

How do I cope with the crushing loneliness? I focus on work, escape into video games and have been learning the guitar - in fact I think I work too much as my contracted salary is for 35 hours a week but I end up working 40+. Anything over 35 gets added to a pot that we can use for extra time off but it is only supposed to go up to 10 hours - mine had 68 in it before my managers manager ordered me to take time off.

I also don't drink, partly because I don't like the effect but mainly because I'm afraid that it would become my escape and addiction.

I've got a decent car, a job I love and I'm well on the way to putting down the deposit on a house - but it's still just me. Part of what keeps me going (other than the job) is that everything will be better when I move out because I think that as long as I live with my parents a little bit of me will still be that scared fourteen year old boy trying to survive high school.

I wasn't really looking for advice, just clearing out the pipes in the hope that I can fill them with something better.

[OogalaBoogal]

[QUOTE=grandaddy;42339943]I've never really talked about anything like this before so I may as well go all out - I think I've forgotten how to be a person.

I am 21 years old, never been in a relationship and can count the number of friends I have on both hands.

I had a pretty shit time with bullying at primary school and high school to the point of being suicidal at one point, didn't know how to talk to my parents about it so I ended up leaving them notes about it, they dismissed it as stress from the exams at the time. I've not spoken to them about it since. I tried talking to girls, but each time I was ridiculed by my peers and simply gave up trying.

After high school I went to college and left with poor grades, I then joined a limited time apprenticeship scheme in IT support. After that finished I was on 'job seekers allowance' for a few months until I found the job I'm currently in which I can honestly say has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I got a job at a major UK bank as an apprentice infrastructure technician, the apprenticeship lasted two years during which I earned a permanent role. I poured everything into my job as I saw it as my last chance to not be a complete failure, ultimately it also meant that I let the friends I had simply slip through my fingers partly through wanting to avoid all memories of high school.

My 21st birthday was nothing more than a family 'party' put together by my parents which served as nothing but a symbol to how much of a social failure I am.

How do I cope with the crushing loneliness? I focus on work, escape into video games and have been learning the guitar - in fact I think I work too much as my contracted salary is for 35 hours a week but I end up working 40+. Anything over 35 gets added to a pot that we can use for extra time off but it is only supposed to go up to 10 hours - mine had 68 in it before my managers manager ordered me to take time off.

I also don't drink, partly because I don't like the effect but mainly because I'm afraid that it would become my escape and addiction.

I've got a decent car, a job I love and I'm well on the way to putting down the deposit on a house - but it's still just me. Part of what keeps me going (other than the job) is that everything will be better when I move out because I think that as long as I live with my parents a little bit of me will still be that scared fourteen year old boy trying to survive high school.

I wasn't really looking for advice, just clearing out the pipes in the hope that I can fill them with something better.[/QUOTE]

Move out, try reconnecting with your friends, and try joining clubs/community groups to find new people with similar interests to hang out with.

[editline]29th September 2013[/editline]

I've heard that going to the gym can help a bunch with self-confidence too, not to mention getting pumped full of endorphins. One of my coworkers at my last job just went to the gym, worked, hung out with his girlfriend, and played starcraft and guitar. He's the happiest person I know.