Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;42408415]I don't even know how to feel about this.
There is a girl in my arts class that I think I might have got crush on...The problem is, I only know her for two days(two days ago I first time talked to her since I started studying) so I don't know anything about her and vice versa. I am fucking sure that I have absolutely zero chance, but I am trying not to think about it because, well, this is wrong. I don't know anything about her but I got a crush on her because of her appearence.
this is bad.[/QUOTE]
Essiantially all people who are married at one time or another just had a crush on each other.
Everyone has to meet someone before they can get to know them.
[editline]4th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Dyson6;42408865]I had a good first date with a girl a few days ago, and we both agreed that we wanted to see each other again and have a second planned, but I'm not sure if I'm going about communication in-between then correctly?
I've started a text conversation with her at least for a little while each day, but is that too much if we've only had one date and I didn't really even make a move physically? She seems genuinely into the conversation because she'll ask questions and make jokes and stuff, but at the same time, she's never actually initiated a conversation. Is she maybe just humoring me? Or am I contacting her enough for the both of us?[/QUOTE]
Theres no set "text 3 times a day if you havent kissed yet, 6 after". Romance isnt a prescription, it varies from couple to couple time to time.
Also you dont have to even be dating to text so I dont see why your fussing over that. Just talk while your both talking and if the conversation gets boring and dies off for a while dont stress too hard
[editline]4th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;42408031]Okay so I had infatuation on someone online earlier this year that lasted a few months until I went to far (not the proudest moment of my life) and I am trying to contact her to apologize, I even tried contacting some of her best friends but they just ignore me.
All I want to do is say I'm sorry but I can't even do that.
[editline]4th October 2013[/editline]
This guilt went so far that I slapped myself very hard multiple times because that is what she would have done[/QUOTE]
You need to relax and move on, if someone isnt willing to hear an apology they dont deserve to hear it . Just resolve you made a mistake and move on, there isnt much else you can do at this point.
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;42408415]I don't even know how to feel about this.
There is a girl in my arts class that I think I might have got crush on...The problem is, I only know her for two days(two days ago I first time talked to her since I started studying) so I don't know anything about her and vice versa. I am fucking sure that I have absolutely zero chance, but I am trying not to think about it because, well, this is wrong. I don't know anything about her but I got a crush on her because of her appearence.
this is bad.[/QUOTE]
If she's in your art class, you have every opportunity to talk to her - use that. If you feel like you're not up to scratch appearance-wise, then you pretty much have to options: either decide it shouldn't mean too much because you're a swell guy, or: decide iteans something -get a haircut and some new (not necessarily expensive) clothes. Consider exercising more if you could benefit from tha king of stuff.
But remember that you shouldn't do this explicitly for one gal - do it for yourself. Talking to her will net you experience, and you'll gain more confidence in yourself.
[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;42410106]If she's in your art class, you have every opportunity to talk to her - use that. If you feel like you're not up to scratch appearance-wise, then you pretty much have to options: either decide it shouldn't mean too much because you're a swell guy, or: decide iteans something -get a haircut and some new (not necessarily expensive) clothes. Consider exercising more if you could benefit from tha king of stuff.
But remember that you shouldn't do this explicitly for one gal - do it for yourself. Talking to her will net you experience, and you'll gain more confidence in yourself.[/QUOTE]
We all are ought to wear smart clothes, so that clothes option is totally invalid, but that's not the point. I don't think that I am terrible to death appearence-wise, I think that the issue is with my social part. Will she actually find interest talking with me because I am a foreigner and because we haven't seen each other before? The issue is, I can't actually talk with her during the lessons, because we are on separate desks(we have our own workspaces) but I could try after the lessons, even better if it is the end of the school day. I am actually trying to speak to as much people as I can right now to get more comfortable and start to speak british english not russian accent english with weird pronunciation. And I have noone to go to lunch next week because the two girls I always went with are out for the week on school-trip, so she [I]might[/I] be out as well(I hope not).
I don't know how to feel about this. On one hand, I feel a crush on her, on the other, it's so early or something. I am a fucking alien in the college and don't know shit yet, and every has seen me only for less than a month. D:
[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;42408031]Okay so I had infatuation on someone online earlier this year that lasted a few months until I went to far (not the proudest moment of my life) and I am trying to contact her to apologize, I even tried contacting some of her best friends but they just ignore me.
All I want to do is say I'm sorry but I can't even do that.
[editline]4th October 2013[/editline]
This guilt went so far that I slapped myself very hard multiple times because that is what she would have done[/QUOTE]
Yeah uh obsessing with someone and trying to stalk by proxy isn't really going to help.
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;42411467]We all are ought to wear smart clothes, so that clothes option is totally invalid, but that's not the point. I don't think that I am terrible to death appearence-wise, I think that the issue is with my social part. Will she actually find interest talking with me because I am a foreigner and because we haven't seen each other before? The issue is, I can't actually talk with her during the lessons, because we are on separate desks(we have our own workspaces) but I could try after the lessons, even better if it is the end of the school day. I am actually trying to speak to as much people as I can right now to get more comfortable and start to speak british english not russian accent english with weird pronunciation. And I have noone to go to lunch next week because the two girls I always went with are out for the week on school-trip, so she [I]might[/I] be out as well(I hope not).
I don't know how to feel about this. On one hand, I feel a crush on her, on the other, it's so early or something. I am a fucking alien in the college and don't know shit yet, and every has seen me only for less than a month. D:[/QUOTE]
I know how you feel man. There's this super cute girl in my film appreciation class who sits across the aisle from me. She usually keeps to herself by reading or studying something, and I've only managed to exchange just a few words about the class. I'm trying to find more opportunities to talk to her, but I just chicken out sometimes. :x I'll just have to force myself to do it at some point.
On a side note, I think the distance I'm trying to make with my ex is helping a bit. I'm not obsessing as much over her like I have been lately. As long as I keep myself distracted I feel pretty good. It's usually when I'm alone that it starts to bother me again. Natural feelings though, I guess. Also, I think she's either picked up on me trying to be more distant or she's been trying to distance herself from me too. She doesn't really try to interact with me outside of class, even when I'm walking near her in the halls. I guess that's a good thing to help me finally get over this mess, but it still makes me feel less valuable. Now, when I see her with her new boyfriend, I just think of how she gave me the same look she's giving him just a few months ago and, I wonder if I was really all that special to her. Either way, I think it helps me realize that our relationship probably wasn't as good as I thought it was at the time and we probably aren't meant for each other in the first place. It hurts a little to think that, but I know it is better for me in the long run.
Trying to stay positive. It'll definitely help.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;42409717]Essiantially all people who are married at one time or another just had a crush on each other.
Everyone has to meet someone before they can get to know them.
[/QUOTE]
Yea, I know. I had two cases of crushes(and two rejections) but I think of them as a total separate past life in another country. I have a new life now(new country, new people) and that is kind of a problem. It hasn't been a month since I started studying and already have a crush? Isn't it a bit early? I will be trying to talk with her more, as well as with other people, because I [I]need[/I] to. I want to be far more social than I was, and this is the best time to change. Sounds weird, but it means a ton for me.
[editline]5th October 2013[/editline]
I think I'm talking shit now, I better go sleep.
[editline]5th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Splash Attack;42411674]I know how you feel man. There's this super cute girl in my film appreciation class who sits across the aisle from me. She usually keeps to herself by reading or studying something, and I've only managed to exchange just a few words about the class. I'm trying to find more opportunities to talk to her, but I just chicken out sometimes. :x I'll just have to force myself to do it at some point.[/QUOTE]
Kind of similar, except I have managed to have some laughs with her when I joked in a group of people on one of the guy's picture(actually, how he made it and he was laughing on it as well) and then, day later, I met her in the corridor and asked what her name is.
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;42411702]Yea, I know. I had two cases of crushes(and two rejections) but I think of them as a total separate past life in another country. I have a new life now(new country, new people) and that is kind of a problem. It hasn't been a month since I started studying and already have a crush? Isn't it a bit early? I will be trying to talk with her more, as well as with other people, because I [I]need[/I] to. I want to be far more social than I was, and this is the best time to change. Sounds weird, but it means a ton for me.
[editline]5th October 2013[/editline]
I think I'm talking shit now, I better go sleep.
[editline]5th October 2013[/editline]
Kind of similar, except I have managed to have some laughs with her when I joked in a group of people on one of the guy's picture(actually, how he made it and he was laughing on it as well) and then, day later, I met her in the corridor and asked what her name is.[/QUOTE]
How long is this art class? Just give yourself some time to get to know her.
This and just in general today made me realize, I've never been with anyone I had a crush on, people I actually dated were girls I didn't have crushes on and people I never thought I'd end up with but turned out to be good relationships where we both really liked each other. Is that normal? like I didn't get butterflies or any other dumb junk or whenever I saw them I never had the urge to talk to them 600 times per day, I just treated them normally and yeah we end up together and such.
I actually really prefer relationships like that, like my recent ex who had a crush on me and was infatuated with me gave me shit for not responding within 15 minutes of a txt, talking to other girls, would accuse me of checking out any girl who walked in front of me or accuse every girl who talked to me had to be hitting on me, including her own friends. I don't know that just isn't fun or ok at all for me like backup.
Realizing that just now it makes me not want to go after girls I am crushing on/infatuated with, it just seems weird like I'm putting them on a pedestal for no reason at all but just for knowing them.
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;42411611]Yeah uh obsessing with someone and trying to stalk by proxy isn't really going to help.[/QUOTE]
I wasn't stalking but I was obsessed.
Being able to look at a girl and think "You're hot. But there's a whole lot of hot girls, so I'm not going to develop feelings for you exclusively." feels awesome. Makes existing near girls so much easier.
He has mastered the way of the Buddha. Tell me, how is Enlightenment?
existing near girls is a chore most of the time anyway
[QUOTE=GoDong-DK;42411791]How long is this art class? Just give yourself some time to get to know her.[/QUOTE]
If we all are the same age group(we should be Year 12 everyone) then it is 2 years.
[editline]5th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=thisispain;42415825]existing near girls is a chore most of the time anyway[/QUOTE]
I enjoy talking to girls more than to guys. And I know [I]far[/I] more girls than guys so far. And I like it.
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;42416556]If we all are the same age group(we should be Year 12 everyone) then it is 2 years.
[editline]5th October 2013[/editline]
I enjoy talking to girls more than to guys. And I know [I]far[/I] more girls than guys so far. And I like it.[/QUOTE]
you're missing out, we get to fart and never have to endure"oh my god i dont like [X]".
[QUOTE=J$ Psychotic;42413841]Being able to look at a girl and think "You're hot. But there's a whole lot of hot girls, so I'm not going to develop feelings for you exclusively." feels awesome. Makes existing near girls so much easier.[/QUOTE]
lmao
I feel like there's something wrong with me if I can't talk to girls in person to save my life but if I get on the internet and start talking to girls who live half way around the world from me I'm totally fine.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42434555]I feel like there's something wrong with me if I can't talk to girls in person to save my life but if I get on the internet and start talking to girls who live half way around the world from me I'm totally fine.[/QUOTE]
no shit. of course it's easier on the internet. the internet is just words on a screen. you don't need confidence and you get to rewrite what you say before you say it. real life isn't like that. just put yourself into more social situations and force yourself to socialise. you'll get more confident eventually.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42434555]I feel like there's something wrong with me if I can't talk to girls in person to save my life but if I get on the internet and start talking to girls who live half way around the world from me I'm totally fine.[/QUOTE]
Yep sure is something wrong with you.
Hey, if a girl is normally anxious(as in she's basically ALWAYS anxious, but to a small degree), and when she decides next to me in a mildly big group of friends, is there an explanation for her acting more anxious?
I mean, I'm a good friend of hers, and she has a boyfriend, but whenever she sits next to me, she starts to basically shake her legs and twiddle her thumbs rapidly.
We both admitted to each other months ago that we had a crush on each other at one point, but neither of us noticed how the other felt until after she got a boyfriend.
I would never do anything while she's dating someone else, but is there a good reason for her anxiety by me? I didn't really know where else to ask.
[QUOTE=huntingrifle;42435705]Hey, if a girl is normally anxious(as in she's basically ALWAYS anxious, but to a small degree), and when she decides next to me in a mildly big group of friends, is there an explanation for her acting more anxious?
I mean, I'm a good friend of hers, and she has a boyfriend, but whenever she sits next to me, she starts to basically shake her legs and twiddle her thumbs rapidly.
We both admitted to each other months ago that we had a crush on each other at one point, but neither of us noticed how the other felt until after she got a boyfriend.
I would never do anything while she's dating someone else, but is there a good reason for her anxiety by me? I didn't really know where else to ask.[/QUOTE]
she has feelings for you and is currently in a relationship? idk, that'd make a nervous person more nervous
[QUOTE=Mobon1;42437539]she has feelings for you and is currently in a relationship? idk, that'd make a nervous person more nervous[/QUOTE]
When we told each other about having a crush on one anther, it was like 3 months into her relationship with her boyfriend, and we were talking about 6 months prior to that conversation. I have no idea how she feels now.
Can someone list a few ways to forget about an ex to which i stuffed up things and won't ever hear or see from her again but i keep remembering shit we did and it gets me down as fuck
Okay, this is a long one...
I fucked up my life ever since the beginning. I have always been by myself and only had a few friends, but ever since I've grown older my social anxiety has gotten worse. I used to (and still do) start temper tantrums when I don't get my own way (this still happens if I don't take my medications) it has gotten better but it is too late. I just sit around and play games, go on the internet etc. and I do nothing productive. I have never had a job, girlfriend, can't drive a car or even ride a bike, and I might never get my own place. I am extremely lazy and messy. I am stuck under my parents' wing even though I am 18 because I have problems with independence. I only eat dinner and I have a terrible sleeping pattern.
I have a very low self esteem because of these things and because of physical abuse by teachers, I have never gotten treated for what happened to me and its one of the reasons why I have trouble trusting people and talking to people. I can't get motivated to do anything and I will most likely die alone and in my parents house. It is hard to change because I am very closed off to people especially my parents so changing myself will take a long time and will probably never happen. I am stuck with depression and all sorts of problems such as forgetting to take my medications which causes me to go crazy. Not to mention I cannot do complex math and my only "skill" is drawing and I am not very good at it. I try to change myself, for example right now I am talking to someone at school (I should be out of school but I am taking a 13th years because I messed up grade 9). I cannot talk in groups and that is the reason why I left the school's D&D club.
I don't know why I am saying all this on Facepunch but what do I have to lose...
[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;42440056]Okay, this is a long one...
I fucked up my life ever since the beginning. I have always been by myself and only had a few friends, but ever since I've grown older my social anxiety has gotten worse. I used to (and still do) start temper tantrums when I don't get my own way (this still happens if I don't take my medications) it has gotten better but it is too late. I just sit around and play games, go on the internet etc. and I do nothing productive. I have never had a job, girlfriend, can't drive a car or even ride a bike, and I might never get my own place. I am extremely lazy and messy. I am stuck under my parents' wing even though I am 18 because I have problems with independence. I only eat dinner and I have a terrible sleeping pattern.
I have a very low self esteem because of these things and because of physical abuse by teachers, I have never gotten treated for what happened to me and its one of the reasons why I have trouble trusting people and talking to people. I can't get motivated to do anything and I will most likely die alone and in my parents house. It is hard to change because I am very closed off to people especially my parents so changing myself will take a long time and will probably never happen. I am stuck with depression and all sorts of problems such as forgetting to take my medications which causes me to go crazy. Not to mention I cannot do complex math and my only "skill" is drawing and I am not very good at it. I try to change myself, for example right now I am talking to someone at school (I should be out of school but I am taking a 13th years because I messed up grade 9). I cannot talk in groups and that is the reason why I left the school's D&D club.
I don't know why I am saying all this on Facepunch but what do I have to lose...[/QUOTE]
you aren't "stuck" with anything. some people start off worse off than others but whatever happened to you in the past won't stop you from being able to adapt and live a normal life. it might take more work for you than others to do certain things but you just need to practice and you'll be able to do it.
i have bad social anxiety as well and it's taken me a lot of work to deal with it but i've become a lot more confident and social in the last few months. you just need to expose yourself to people. do what makes you uncomfortable. if you have issues trusting people, spend time around others and learn to trust them. i'm in school 3 hours a day (took online courses for hs so this is a bit new for me) and have to frequently socialize with people whether or not i feel comfortable doing it. if you just talk to people enough and do the things that you're afraid of doing you'll realize none of it is as bad as you think. go back to your school's d&d club and make yourself as uncomfortable as fuck because after a few agonizing sessions you'll stop feeling uncomfortable.
and i'm not good at math either. you don't have to be good at it - just don't be a science major. i'm a psych major and right now i'm taking statistics and college algebra - they're tough classes for me and i feel like a fucking idiot in my algebra class because of how much i struggle compared to the other students, but in 3 months i'll be done and never have to take math again.
[editline]7th October 2013[/editline]
everything you listed is something you can fix. you can fix your sleep schedule. you can learn to be confident around others. you aren't "stuck" under your parents' wing, you can learn to be independent. stop waiting for someone else to push you and push yourself to become better instead.
I don't exactly have social anxiety or any sort of trouble talking to random people but as someone who grew up their entire childhood spending about 8+ hours a day on the computer, it just dawned on me after a conversation with a friend that most people don't spend 90 hours a week on a computer in college
oh god what am I doing with my life I need to go out and socialize but how
[QUOTE=fishyfish777;42440741]I don't exactly have social anxiety or any sort of trouble talking to random people but as someone who grew up their entire childhood spending about 8+ hours a day on the computer, it just dawned on me after a conversation with a friend that most people don't spend 90 hours a week on a computer in college
oh god what am I doing with my life I need to go out and socialize but how[/QUOTE]
Stick an ear out, ask your friends about what's going down - get on Facebook if you aren't. And hang out with your friends, take a cup of coffee somewhere or whatever. It's not hard.
Saw my exgirlfriend for the first time since our break-up two months ago or so. It was at this concert our favourite band played at that I was going to organise for our anniversary. We didn't talk, but a lot happened that has left me comfortably with some closure. I guess it really does get better. Thanks for all the stories to reflect on while I haven't been myself recently guys, you've all helped as well.
[QUOTE=Lexinator;42439023]Can someone list a few ways to forget about an ex to which i stuffed up things and won't ever hear or see from her again but i keep remembering shit we did and it gets me down as fuck[/QUOTE]
Hang out with friends, find another girl, do a hobby of some sort (like for me I go to the gym and lift weights, I learned how to cook, etc..) that's really the best you can do to keep your self occupied and forget.
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