Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
I'm doing automation systems, we have a girl. Girls have an expected expiration date defined by graduation date - 6-12 months.
My class has around 82 percent females, it's actually really annoying at some point. I want to spend some more time with guys and the only ones in my class are not exactly the type of friends that I really want.
Dear Facepunch,
How do you deal with attachment? Attachment to loved ones, to life-long friends, to family, and so on.
If I had it my way, I'd spend everyday with them. There's no better people that I know of than my loved ones. Together, we're like the perfect group of people. Together, we are one person, functioning in perfect harmony and unity. We all live in love, peace and understanding together.
But losing one of us or being away from each other for extended periods of time can be unpleasant. And then there is the fact that we all wish to do certain things in life, live in different areas, etc.
I'm thinking that it comes down to letting go of the attachment and clinging, as hard as it may be. We have to drop the expectation and/or desires that we can have things the way we like.
But if following your life purpose requires you leaving your loved ones and perhaps not seeing some or all of them again for a long time/forever, what do you do?
I feel that I must do what I must do, and is why I always say goodbye to my loved ones. You never know when you'll last be with them.
[QUOTE=junker154;42527793]My class has around 82 percent females, it's actually really annoying at some point. I want to spend some more time with guys and the only ones in my class are not exactly the type of friends that I really want.[/QUOTE]
gay
Honestly, you just get used to. I'm pretty close with my family and I moved away from my studies and I rarely see them that often. At some point you just cope with it and it's not a big deal, at first you will miss them dearly but once you got your own life going on, it won't hurt as much. At least it worked for me.
Also being attached isn't necessarily a bad thing as long as it isn't obsessive, it's actually really nice having a family or friends that act as a unit.
theres an old analogy about the hedgehog called the hedgehogs dilemma. hedgehogs cannot survive winter by themselves so they have to crowd around each other in order to stay warm, but they also prick and hurt each other because they are hedgehogs.
the negatives of attachment just come as a result of the positives of attachment. theres nothing you can do about it
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;42527863]gay[/QUOTE]
I spend every second of my time at the university sitting next to girls, talking to them or hanging around with them. Overall it's nice but it sucks being always the only guy in the group.
[QUOTE=thisispain;42527894]theres an old analogy about the hedgehog called the hedgehogs dilemma. hedgehogs cannot survive winter by themselves so they have to crowd around each other in order to stay warm, but they also prick and hurt each other because they are hedgehogs.
the negatives of attachment just come as a result of the positives of attachment. theres nothing you can do about it[/QUOTE]
gotta go fast :'(
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=junker154;42527914]I spend every second of my time at the university sitting next to girls, talking to them or hanging around with them. Overall it's nice but it sucks being always the only guy in the group.[/QUOTE]
i do too but girls do all the same things guys do tbh
the fart, poop, make gas jokes eat lots of food messily, etc
they even check out other girls, and are just as perverted as my guy friends lol
I usually prefer to be in company of girls because they discuss topics which I'm more interested in instead of usual guys talk. But right now I feel really oversaturated with all the girls, most of them in my class are also pretty uninteresting. Actually when I think about it is that most girls that I hang with act pretty chill and like cool dudes instead of the typical guy/girl interest dominance thing, which is a concept that I just invented in order to poorly express my feelings towards this.
Also it doesn't help that my girlfriend isn't really pleased to know that I hang with girls around all the time and also being alone with them.
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;42527928]gotta go fast :'(
[/QUOTE]
Rock blushed. “Lover? So what I did to Sonic…oh…” he began to cry a little. He glanced over at Sonic. “Sonic, I’m really sorry! I had no idea what I was doing! I-“
“It’s okay, I understand” Sonic replied. He placed his hand on Rock’s shoulder. At least now he won’t have to worry about hiding his love for Rush from him. Speaking of Rush, he was licking certain parts of Rock’s body. Apparently when Rock was “showing his feelings” for Sonic, the horny hedgehog got a little too excited and came a little. Rush wanted it all for himself, so he was cleaning it up.
[editline]14th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=junker154;42527970]I usually prefer to be in company of girls because they discuss topics which I'm more interested in instead of usual guys talk. But right now I feel really oversaturated with all the girls, most of them in my class are also pretty uninteresting. Actually when I think about it is that most girls that I hang with act pretty chill and like cool dudes instead of the typical guy/girl interest dominance thing, which is a concept that I just invented in order to poorly express my feelings towards this.
Also it doesn't help that my girlfriend isn't really pleased to know that I hang with girls around all the time and also being alone with them.[/QUOTE]
boys are so boring and they dont even smell nice
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;42527863]gay[/QUOTE]
He just said he's annoyed, why would he be happy?
[QUOTE=thisispain;42527894]theres an old analogy about the hedgehog called the hedgehogs dilemma. hedgehogs cannot survive winter by themselves so they have to crowd around each other in order to stay warm, but they also prick and hurt each other because they are hedgehogs.
the negatives of attachment just come as a result of the positives of attachment. theres nothing you can do about it[/QUOTE]
That's really interesting, I haven't heard that before.
But I'm not really sure of what the positives are of attachment. How about non-attached loving? Loving someone without being attached, and therefore not feeling bad when they're not around/dead, but enjoying your time together.
[QUOTE=GeeOhDee;42528004]That's really interesting, I haven't heard that before.
But I'm not really sure of what the positives are of attachment. How about non-attached loving? Loving someone without being attached, and therefore not feeling bad when they're not around/dead, but enjoying your time together.[/QUOTE]
attachment is an important part of social development both as a child and an adult
Something that I noticed is that I find it incredibly uncomfortable and unpleasant to hang out with girls and guys together who are all single, even when they are my close friends. Usually there is this passive-aggressive atmosphere all around me where each guy tries to impress the girls. This happened quite a lot to me and I noticed how differently my friends behaved in unpleasant ways. Actually I can never enjoy a real conversation or moments with my friend knowing in my back that they just try to look extra cool infront of the others.
I don't know if I just have wrong friends, because they don't feel like they're "wrong" but this atmosphere gets on my nuts really fast.
I almost have the best times when I hang with friends who have their gf/bf along with them and we all have a good time without trying to hard to act really cool, it feels more natural and enjoyable.
yeah i know what you mean, theres a lot of extra social stress in situations like that. i do it myself too, i try to be extra funny or extra intelligent to impress just because im motivated i guess lol
[QUOTE=junker154;42528046]Something that I noticed is that I find it incredibly uncomfortable and unpleasant to hang out with girls and guys together who are all single, even when they are my close friends. Usually there is this passive-aggressive atmosphere all around me where each guy tries to impress the girls. This happened quite a lot to me and I noticed how differently my friends behaved in unpleasant ways. Actually I can never enjoy a real conversation or moments with my friend knowing in my back that they just try to look extra cool infront of the others.
I don't know if I just have wrong friends, because they don't feel like they're "wrong" but this atmosphere gets on my nuts really fast.
I almost have the best times when I hang with friends who have their gf/bf along with them and we all have a good time without trying to hard to act really cool, it feels more natural and enjoyable.[/QUOTE]
I find that some people do try to act in ways they don't usually do in order to make a certain impression, but it's your reaction to it that is making you uncomfortable. Maybe they have not realized or are living out being themselves in order to be around people who like them. Or maybe they still feel the need to change or be different for others. Either way, we can have understanding and compassion for the way they are.
But I do get what you mean, I also find it more natural and pleasant to be around people who are just being friends or people who can love and enjoy each other.
[QUOTE=thisispain;42528064]yeah i know what you mean, theres a lot of extra social stress in situations like that. i do it myself too, i try to be extra funny or extra intelligent to impress just because im motivated i guess lol[/QUOTE]
Nice to see someone feeling the same way, because it bothers me a lot. I remember one night where my friend celebrated his birthdays, naturally he invited us all to go out and have some fun. We even said that we wouldn't fuck around with girls and just be a pure magnificent guy night. Then at the first glance of a potential date everyone ran the fuck off to hunt some girls, the group got split up and only 2 other guys and me were alone. I didn't even spent half of the night with them, it was also really ridiculous in a comical sense. They literally ran after the girls and they weren't even drunk or anything, it was rather embarassing.
Perhaps I have the wrong perception because I'm usually the guy who has a girlfriend since years and is generally pretty happy.
[QUOTE=wickedplayer494;42527700]Funnily enough, in my compsci class, this is mainly true (there are probably only 2-3 in mine (teacher excluded), rest are guys).[/QUOTE]
I dunno about your programs but at the local university here the compsci programs are pretty even split. Its nice.
[QUOTE=GeeOhDee;42528098]I find that some people do try to act in ways they don't usually do in order to make a certain impression, but it's your reaction to it that is making you uncomfortable. Maybe they have not realized or are living out being themselves in order to be around people who like them. Or maybe they still feel the need to change or be different for others. Either way, we can have understanding compassion for the way they are.
But I do get what you mean, I also find it more natural and pleasant to be around people who are just being friends or people who can love and enjoy each other.[/QUOTE]
That's some wisdom right there. Generally people assume different social roles according the situation but it's just annoying to see that my good friends which I value for what they are turn into complete brainless idiots because they have a chance of getting a girl. It's not always as dramatic as I illustrated it, very often it can be subtle and it somewhat influences the whole tone of the current situation. It's really hard to explain.
[QUOTE=junker154;42528099]Nice to see someone feeling the same way, because it bothers me a lot. I remember one night where my friend celebrated his birthdays, naturally he invited us all to go out and have some fun. We even said that we wouldn't fuck around with girls and just be a pure magnificent guy night. Then at the first glance of a potential date everyone ran the fuck off to hunt some girls, the group got split up and only 2 other guys and me were alone. I didn't even spent half of the night with them, it was also really ridiculous in a comical sense. They literally ran after the girls and they weren't even drunk or anything, it was rather embarassing.
Perhaps I have the wrong perception because I'm usually the guy who has a girlfriend since years and is generally pretty happy.[/QUOTE]
I hate guys who act like that, there is this one guy in one of my classes who acts so desperate it's not even funny, he talked and sit next to this one girl for awhile but then he went and tried to sit beside this girl I was sitting beside and talking to by moving my stuff and was like "lol mind if I sit here?" obviously I said no and then she left to sit beside a friend of hers and the guy legit moved to sit beside her using the excuse of that my writing is bad so he can't copy the answers off me. Then when she and her friend left, he followed them out, and his friend followed so half the class became empty of nothing lmfao.....besides when she left another girl came to sit beside me and I was talking to her and some of the guys were watching. Like that whole class is filled with desperate guys but the non desperate one (me) is the one who is talking to them all and becomes friends with them.
I think he constantly switches girls because it's college and they are acting serious and since him and all the other desperate guys are acting like idiots they just ignore them lmfao, basically I find that most of my friends I make are girls (90% of my friends are) as I just can't stand guys most of the time.
Like another guy in that class acts like an idiot the whole time and tries to be funny and piss of the teacher because he thinks that is what the girls will want to hang out with but they all think he is an idiot but I got to know him and he is smart and not a retard but he just thinks acting like one will get him somewhere.
[QUOTE=junker154;42528132]That's some wisdom right there. Generally people assume different social roles according the situation but it's just annoying to see that my good friends which I value for what they are turn into complete brainless idiots because they have a chance of getting a girl. It's not always as dramatic as I illustrated it, very often it can be subtle and it somewhat influences the whole tone of the current situation. It's really hard to explain.[/QUOTE]
Girls do the same thing, as soon as you introduce a guy to the group the tone can totally change, conversation topics are entirely different and everyone flips face.
My favourite thing to observe over the years though is with guys. If you have a group of just guys there is sooo much gay. Soo much bromance and such. Add a new girl to the group and it is instantly gone.
Its hilarious being integrated into guy groups and getting to see that happen.
i prefer mixed gender groups as much as possible because dudes-only groups are awful and they ALL SMELL BAD and they keep treating me like im the kid of the group and they keep messing up my hair and patting my head
[QUOTE=Rhenae;42528199]Girls do the same thing, as soon as you introduce a guy to the group the tone can totally change, conversation topics are entirely different and everyone flips face.
My favourite thing to observe over the years though is with guys. If you have a group of just guys there is sooo much gay. Soo much bromance and such. Add a new girl to the group and it is instantly gone.
Its hilarious being integrated into guy groups and getting to see that happen.[/QUOTE]
You're probably right, my girlfriend told me countless stories how everyone just flips face when a dude appears. I'm pretty sensitive when it comes to stuff like group atmosphere, I immediately recognize small subtle things because at times I'm rather quiet and sitting in the back.
Guess it's human nature after all. I don't mind if someone is interested in a person, but turning a friendly evening into a social darwinism competition is annoying to me.
i was at a bar with two of my friends and one of them was drunk and actually touched my face and said i was cute this is wrong i didnt want this attention
[editline]14th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=junker154;42528230]You're probably right, my girlfriend told me countless stories how everyone just flips face when a dude appears. I'm pretty sensitive when it comes to stuff like group atmosphere, I immediately recognize small subtle things because at times I'm rather quiet and sitting in the back.
Guess it's human nature after all. I don't mind if someone is interested in a person, but turning a friendly evening into a social darwinism competition is annoying to me.[/QUOTE]
i like to think it gets better as you get older. remember when we were 15 and the reaction to getting girls in an all-male group was this kind of terrified silence i sure do
The only problems I've had when hanging out with a group of all girls besides me is when they start talking about being under a pile of sweaty men, or when they run off and start following around random guys on the street
like what am I supposed to do, just stick with the car
[QUOTE=ZenX2;42528725]The only problems I've had when hanging out with a group of all girls besides me is when they start talking about being under a pile of sweaty men, or when they run off and start following around random guys on the street
like what am I supposed to do, just stick with the car[/QUOTE]
Unless I'm interested in one that's not being weird, I leave. Especially if I have the vehicle.
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
I also do this when people smoke pot.
My class consists of 28 girls and 3 guys. Therefore, Me and my two guy-friends are often caught in the middle of a typical girl-debate regarding p-pills or PMS or something we can't really contribute to.
We see it as our duty to balance out the lack of testosterone so if caught in said situation we look at eachother and start saying stereotypical manly things.
"Well groomed moustaches."
"Refusing to read manuals."
"BBQ'ing bare-chested."
[QUOTE=ZenX2;42528725]The only problems I've had when hanging out with a group of all girls besides me is when they start talking about being [B]under a pile of sweaty men[/B], or when they run off and start following around random guys on the street
like what am I supposed to do, just stick with the car[/QUOTE]
okay what
[QUOTE=hunterNormandy;42525792]what was the name you gave this made up superhero of yours ?[/QUOTE]
My real name is Peyman so I just ran up on stage yelling "I am Peyman. I make criminals [I]pay[/I]!". :v:
[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;42525774]can you post it, please?[/QUOTE]
While I would like to show it I think it is better that I don't. There is a lot of stuff that we would like to keep secret for the following years. But I made this gif for you all. It is kind of crap since I tried to keep it under 10mb. But you can still see me and my glorious underpantaloons.
[IMG]http://pahlavan.se/dump/underpantaloons.gif[/IMG]
So what I am trying to say here is, don't be afraid to do stupid shit. Since stupid shit is the best shit ever.
I take nobody has a solution to my problem then, maybe it's too complicated to just fix so easy.
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