Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
So I posted a few days ago and only got one response on it. I'd kind of like to update, but I'll make it simple:
-Like a girl from work / university (she's 23, I'm 21)
-Went to a show last weekend, she brought her friend who's a guy, but she danced with me pretty close and moved my hand down her waist while we danced.
-Was sitting behind me on the drive home, put her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek
-At the end of the night and insisted on coming up to my dorm to see the place - her friend was in the car
-Ended up just giving her a hug at the end of the night - first time hanging out outside of work
-She invited me to help her set up a surprise party at the gallery she interns at
-Insistent on coming to my 21st birthday in a week, going to see my friend's band play and hitting up bars
-Invited me to yet another show the weekend after
-Coming to see some more bands play the following week (yes a ton of bands and shows)
Anyways, we text pretty regularly, they're more than just "hey" too. Maybe about 20 texts back and forth every day or two, she's hardly ever on her phone and takes a while to reply, so I don't find this to be lacking. I was thinking about inviting her over to my place to carve pumpkins or do something hands-on since it's almost Halloween.
I feel like she expresses interest, but I don't know if it's just her being friendly. Age gap doesn't worry me, I like that she's older. I feel pretty mature for my age and confident in what I'm doing with my life. I'm also pretty artistic, which she likes - she's majoring in art history.
What should I make of this? Just friends, potential love interest? Thanks.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42533658]19, will be 20 in March.[/QUOTE]
I am sorry, but I am starting to believe that you come in that thread just to whine. A lot of people suggested you many things, but you don't seem to by trying to make any change.
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42533703]I am sorry, but I am starting to believe that you come in that thread just to whine. A lot of people suggested you many things, but you don't seem to by trying to make any change.[/QUOTE]
I think what he wants to hear is, "You're a lost cause, you will be alone forever," so he can justify not getting off his ass and actually doing something about his situation.
Nobody has told me what to do other than "lol get confidence and just talk to her scrub".
That makes sense to me. Girls like confident guys. But I don't know how to become one.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42533899]Nobody has told me what to do other than "lol get confidence and just talk to her scrub".
That makes sense to me. Girls like confident guys. But I don't know how to become one.[/QUOTE]
People told you a lot of very specific things to do.
You get confidence by putting yourself in uncomfortable positions. You approach the girl and say something to her. It will probably be stupid. She will probably give you a strange look. But you did it, you took the first step. Then you try again with a different girl, and you keep doing so until you get more comfortable with it. You realize rejection is no big deal (not like you lose anything, you didn't know the girl before so if she rejects you nothing has changed) and approaching is no longer a problem. As you constantly approach and try new things, most of the time looking like a fool, you learn what works and what doesn't work. You develop your own "style" of sorts.
The worst thing you can do is read some stupid book and use canned approaches or something, essentially adopting someone else' style instead of developing your own.
There is no magic trick to confidence. Just like anything, it takes practice. You don't become good at a sport or game or anything by just wanting to be good at it, you pick it up and fucking do it. You suck balls at first but you eventually learn and get better. Same fucking thing here, approach the girl and talk to her, say SOMETHING. You will be nervous. You will be shaking. Maybe sweating. Will probably stutter or be completely incoherent. But little by little, every time you do it, you will get better.
You're just lazy. You want to snap your fingers and be good at something, it doesn't work that way.
does anyone here have any kind of experience with girls who have eating disorders????????
Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.
Local pub has this outside the front door it hit me pretty hard.
Well it was either that or the 10 pints of Guinness I'd had.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42533899]Nobody has told me what to do other than "lol get confidence and just talk to her scrub".
That makes sense to me. Girls like confident guys. But I don't know how to become one.[/QUOTE]
Believe in yourself. Like be comfortable in your own skin and accept who you are. If you fake it, you're gonna have a shitty time. Don't be who she wants you to be, be who you are right down to the bone. That's the only way you're gonna end up with someone you like, is if you can go forward and be yourself and not regret a thing about it. If something about you upsets her and it's actually part of you and you're not willing to change it and it's not something you should change, then let it be and if that drives her away than so be it.
It's really not that hard. Be proud to be yourself, those people are always most fun to be around and most easy to talk to and engage in conversation with. Any girl worth your time will appreciate the authenticity and not trying to make yourself SEEM more interesting, you just have to show how interesting you really are, everyone's interesting in some way.
Just be real.
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;42531003]So that girl I talked couple pages back, which is in my arts class that I like...Last thursday I managed to have a nice chat with her and her friend during lunch where we laughed a lot, we both, and since then I was 100% that I like her. Today, we had a double arts lesson, she saw my drawing and said that it is really nice, and when I responded 'thank you' she laughed a bit with her (female)friend, but not like 'hahaha what a looser can't speak english properly'(or something(I am a native-russian speaking student in London)) but exactly opposite, and when I went to the studio to put back my book, and she came out of it, she was smiling to me all time while she was passing near me. What could it possibly mean when a girl smiles a lot to you? Is that because I have a 'nice accent' or because I am a foreigner and she likes this(apparently), or something else?[/QUOTE]
Anyone has an idea?...
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;42534328]Anyone has an idea?...[/QUOTE]
See the title of the thread.
[editline]16th October 2013[/editline]
Got nothing to loose but your virginity anyway
[QUOTE=Juice_Layer;42534126]Believe in yourself. Like be comfortable in your own skin and accept who you are. If you fake it, you're gonna have a shitty time. Don't be who she wants you to be, be who you are right down to the bone. That's the only way you're gonna end up with someone you like, is if you can go forward and be yourself and not regret a thing about it. If something about you upsets her and it's actually part of you and you're not willing to change it and it's not something you should change, then let it be and if that drives her away than so be it.
It's really not that hard. Be proud to be yourself, those people are always most fun to be around and most easy to talk to and engage in conversation with. Any girl worth your time will appreciate the authenticity and not trying to make yourself SEEM more interesting, you just have to show how interesting you really are, everyone's interesting in some way.
Just be real.[/QUOTE]
The last time I was comfortable with myself was when I was about 13 years old. I had awesome friends, a somewhat normal social life, but my asshole parents just decided "lol we're moving" and I haven't been comfortable with myself since then. I was never able to get back what I had before. So basically I've been completely uncomfortable with myself and where I am in my life and it just gets worse and worse all the time as I see more and more of my friends getting into relationships and abandoning me for significant others and I just want it to be my turn for that. So I don't know how to be comfortable with myself anymore. I don't want to be the guy who only leaves his dorm room to go to class, but I honestly have no other choice.
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
So I'm the one exception to the rule of everyone being interesting in some way.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534457]The last time I was comfortable with myself was when I was about 13 years old. I had awesome friends, a somewhat normal social life, but my asshole parents just decided "lol we're moving" and I haven't been comfortable with myself since then. I was never able to get back what I had before. So basically I've been completely uncomfortable with myself and where I am in my life and it just gets worse and worse all the time as I see more and more of my friends getting into relationships and abandoning me for significant others and I just want it to be my turn for that. So I don't know how to be comfortable with myself anymore. I don't want to be the guy who only leaves his dorm room to go to class, but I honestly have no other choice.
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
So I'm the one exception to the rule of everyone being interesting in some way.[/QUOTE]
i keep saying this but you never listen
[b]stop making fucking excuses[/b]
nobody but you is going to care what your reasoning is for being socially inept and not moving on with your life. your excuses don't matter. EVERYONE has problems that will hold them back initially. what matters is how you deal with your weaknesses.
stop posting here asking us to help you justify not moving forward with your life, because if you haven't figured it out by now we're not going to help you keep doing that. everyone has already given you advice, look back on it and actually read what you've been told instead of taking it as a personal insult.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534457]The last time I was comfortable with myself was when I was about 13 years old. I had awesome friends, a somewhat normal social life, but my asshole parents just decided "lol we're moving" and I haven't been comfortable with myself since then. I was never able to get back what I had before. So basically I've been completely uncomfortable with myself and where I am in my life and it just gets worse and worse all the time as I see more and more of my friends getting into relationships and abandoning me for significant others and I just want it to be my turn for that. So I don't know how to be comfortable with myself anymore. I don't want to be the guy who only leaves his dorm room to go to class, but I honestly have no other choice.
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
So I'm the one exception to the rule of everyone being interesting in some way.[/QUOTE]
Okay, you're just screwing yourself over by not getting out there. Seriously, the last 3 pages have been nothing but advice and words of advice and wisdom. Of course your friends are hanging out with their significant others, what would you be doing? You're just letting yourself get isolated and not doing anything about it. People aren't going to come knocking at your door if they don't know you exist. You're making excuses for yourself, and as long as you keep doing that nothing's going to come of it and you will never, ever make progress.
Could I please get some input before Taepodong takes over yet another page lol
if you want to be someone interesting then make yourself an interesting person. find a fucking hobby like we've told you to do every time you've posted in the past 6 months.
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
and stop responding to every advice post with "i can't do this because ____"
Please tell me what are these mythical hobbies I can do that don't involve dropping hundreds of dollars.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534789]Please tell me what are these mythical hobbies I can do that don't involve dropping hundreds of dollars.[/QUOTE]
Holy shit, just get off the internet and do something.
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
Because right now your only hobby is bitching about stuff you don't try to do.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534789]Please tell me what are these mythical hobbies I can do that don't involve dropping hundreds of dollars.[/QUOTE]
how many times have we had this exact same discussion?
learn to draw, learn a craft, start working out, research a subject that interests you
is there seriously nothing in life that you care about besides sleeping with a girl?
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534789]Please tell me what are these mythical hobbies I can do that don't involve dropping hundreds of dollars.[/QUOTE]
I dunno man I have this one hobby that involves just picking up heavy things until I can pick up heavier things.
[QUOTE=Juice_Layer;42534800]Holy shit, just get off the internet and do something.
[/QUOTE]
That is literally not helpful. If I get off the internet I go and turn on my PS3. I'm not going to go aimlessly wander around like an idiot, I'm not going to go the gym because I have a legitimate medical excuse which makes that a bad idea, anything else I'd want to do would involve spending hundreds of dollars.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534847]That is literally not helpful. If I get off the internet I go and turn on my PS3. I'm not going to go aimlessly wander around like an idiot, I'm not going to go the gym because I have a legitimate medical excuse which makes that a bad idea, anything else I'd want to do would involve spending hundreds of dollars.[/QUOTE]
[b]read a fucking book[/b]
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
and i love your use of the word "excuse" in "legitimate medical excuse"
so does this "medical excuse" mean you can't stand up and walk around outside for 10 minutes? nobody's saying you have to lift weights, just get some fucking sunlight and/or exercise
Join a club. 10 bucks says your university has a list of student ran clubs, they have all kinds of bullshit like autistic nerds general and anime waifus clubs, whatever you can think of. Stop making excuses for yourself. At the end of the day you're going to have to leave your fucking room.
And you don't gotta murder yourself in the gym holy shit just get on a low-impact cardio machine like the stationary bike or elliptical. Exercise makes you feel better and more energetic so you will be able to cross, "I'm tired," off of that list of bullshit lame excuses you've built to avoid actually doing something about your situation.
I also like how everything is about how people have things you don't. You need to worry about your damn self. You're pretty much saying you want a relationship because everyone else has one, what kind of bullshit is that? Any relationship founded on that principle will be doomed to fail. You need to focus on what you want to do for your damn self and stop worrying about what every other faggot is doing. Have a mind of your own instead of a burning desire to be just like everyone else.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42534844]how many times have we had this exact same discussion?
learn to draw, learn a craft, start working out, research a subject that interests you
is there seriously nothing in life that you care about besides sleeping with a girl?[/QUOTE]
I tried learning to draw. I was bad at it like everything else artistic and gave up. I have a legitimate medical excuse as to why I can't go work out. I already research things that interest me, but nobody gives a fuck that I know the designations of Russian tank shells, for example.
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;42534877]Join a club. 10 bucks says your university has a list of student ran clubs, they have all kinds of bullshit like autistic nerds general and anime waifus clubs, whatever you can think of. Stop making excuses for yourself. At the end of the day you're going to have to leave your fucking room.[/QUOTE]
I did join a club. I went to a couple of their events but I wasn't really making any friends so I didn't go back.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534892]I tried learning to draw. I was bad at it like everything else artistic and gave up. I have a legitimate medical excuse as to why I can't go work out. I already research things that interest me, but nobody gives a fuck that I know the designations of Russian tank shells, for example.[/QUOTE]
any subject can be made to sound interesting if you discuss it well. "designations of russian tank shells" might be a bit specific but if you understand what you're passionate about and know what makes it interesting to you, it could easily be interesting to others as well.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42534862][b]read a fucking book[/b]
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
and i love your use of the word "excuse" in "legitimate medical excuse"
so does this "medical excuse" mean you can't stand up and walk around outside for 10 minutes? nobody's saying you have to lift weights, just get some fucking sunlight and/or exercise[/QUOTE]
I have to read enough stupid bullshit for my classes, I have no time or desire to read for fun anymore.
I'm able to go outside and walk around, doesn't mean I'm going to aimlessly wander around like an idiot though.
and of course you're going to be bad at drawing when you start. you're not going to get anywhere in life if you quit everything you can't already do at a professional level.
[editline]15th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534918]I have to read enough stupid bullshit for my classes, I have no time or desire to read for fun anymore.
I'm able to go outside and walk around, doesn't mean I'm going to aimlessly wander around like an idiot though.[/QUOTE]
so what you're saying is you don't actually want to do anything with your life but sit on your ass in front of your computer and complain to the internet?
that's great and all, but you might not want to waste everyone's time in an advice thread pretending you're trying to improve.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42534911]any subject can be made to sound interesting if you discuss it well. "designations of russian tank shells" might be a bit specific but if you understand what you're passionate about and know what makes it interesting to you, it could easily be interesting to others as well.[/QUOTE]
I honestly don't know how I can spin military hardware in a way that doesn't make me sound like a total fucking sperglord and/or potential mass murderer. But thankfully that isn't the only thing that interests me, but again, nobody gives a fuck about things that interest me.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534947]I honestly don't know how I can spin military hardware in a way that doesn't make me sound like a total fucking sperglord and/or potential mass murderer. But thankfully that isn't the only thing that interests me, but again, nobody gives a fuck about things that interest me.[/QUOTE]
you'll never know if anyone else is interested in it if you never talk about it
people can surprise you
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534892]I did join a club. I went to a couple of their events but I wasn't really making any friends so I didn't go back.[/QUOTE]
Did you actually try to make friends or did you just sit around hoping they'd talk to you first?
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42534892]
I did join a club. I went to a couple of their events but I wasn't really making any friends so I didn't go back.[/QUOTE]
This is exactly what I'm saying about this fucking kid. Wants everything to be done for him. I bet he went to these events and just sat in a fucking corner not saying a damn word to anyone, then complained about how waaaaaaah nobody was talking to me. Because he doesn't want to do anything for himself, he just wants to throw a big pity party waaaaah look at me waaaaah I'm the exception to the rule.
Newsflash chucklefuck, I was in the same boat as you many years ago. I blamed everything that was wrong with my life on other people. Waaaah people don't like me, waaaah people don't think I'm interesting, waaaaah everyone has what I don't have, waaaaah when will it be my turn for love. All while sitting at home doing fucking nothing, going to school talking to fucking noone, expecting everything to be handed to me on a silver platter because I'm a special snowflake like my mommy told me.
At the end of the day, if you really wanted a relationship, if you really wanted friends, if you really wanted any of these things, you'd be willing to put in the work. The bottom fucking line is you just keep making excuses not to put in any effort, which straight up says, "I don't really want these things, I just feel like complaining about something." It's like some fatty saying they want to be thin but continuing to gorge on ice cream every day, if they really wanted to be thin they would stop stuffing their fucking mouth. But that's not really what they want, they really just want everyone to throw them a pity party, tell them they are beautiful, everything will be okay, things will work out even though you're a lazy shit who won't get off your ass and make changes for yourself.
You'll figure it out soon enough. Either you'll go throughout your entire life throwing this pity party blaming everything but your lack of effort for ending up a 70 year old hugless kissless virgin or one day you'll finally decide you want these things bad enough to work for them.
Right now it's obvious you don't. All of these things we're telling you are useless because you aren't ready to hear them, you really just want attention. Thanks for wasting everyone's time.
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