Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=junker154;42563425]If she really wanted to date you and had a true interest in you, she wouldn't have fucked up like this. I don't know, accidents can happen. But this is actually really insolent of her, espcially considering that she met another friend right after that. It shows that she didn't take this serious enough or at least less serious than you.
Even if it was a misscommunication, it emits a bad vibe from her.[/QUOTE]
Maybe, but I won't hold it against her. It was her idea anyway to get dinner. I just suggested we hang out if she was free anytime soon, and then I would have asked her to go to dinner, but she beat me to it. I'm not even sure if the intentions were clear. She could have just meant hanging out and not going for a date. I won't make any assumptions until I hear her story, though.
I need some serious advice.
I'm a sophomore in college. Recently, I started getting really close to a girl from China who I met last year. We were in the same class, and we held study sessions together which usually devolved into fun conversations. We were both smothered in work all the time, so studying was pretty much the only way we could justify hanging out together.
It dawned on me that I had a crush on her like four weeks ago. She tossed up some convincing flags that she was interested in me, especially when she randomly asked me if I had a girlfriend. I tried inviting her to a restaurant but she ended up re-scheduling twice because of work until we decided to postpone it until later. I also heard from my brother (who also goes to the same college and shares most of my friends) yesterday that every conversation he has with her ends up being about me.
The quarter ended yesterday. We now have a week off from school. I planned on admitting to her yesterday that I liked her after the exam (I usually walk her back to her apartment after class), but she completed it early and left long before I could finish my exam.
I'm leaving tonight at 6:00 to go home for the week. She gets out of her job after I leave. Exactly a year ago, the same exact thing happened to me, and the girl ended up ditching me for my neighbor during the break.
I'm young and I'm good looking, so its not the end of the world if things don't work out. However, at the same time, I'm immensely attracted to her and I'm not sure if I could find someone else that I could get along with as well as her.
[QUOTE=Boba_Fett;42565420]I need some serious advice.
I'm a sophomore in college. Recently, I started getting really close to a girl from China who I met last year. We were in the same class, and we held study sessions together which usually devolved into fun conversations. We were both smothered in work all the time, so studying was pretty much the only way we could justify hanging out together.
It dawned on me that I had a crush on her like four weeks ago. She tossed up some convincing flags that she was interested in me, especially when she randomly asked me if I had a girlfriend. I tried inviting her to a restaurant but she ended up re-scheduling twice because of work until we decided to postpone it until later. I also heard from my brother (who also goes to the same college and shares most of my friends) yesterday that every conversation he has with her ends up being about me.
The quarter ended yesterday. We now have a week off from school. I planned on admitting to her yesterday that I liked her after the exam (I usually walk her back to her apartment after class), but she completed it early and left long before I could finish my exam.
I'm leaving tonight at 6:00 to go home for the week. She gets out of her job after I leave. Exactly a year ago, the same exact thing happened to me, and the girl ended up ditching me for my neighbor during the break.
I'm young and I'm good looking, so its not the end of the world if things don't work out. However, at the same time, I'm immensely attracted to her and I'm not sure if I could find someone else that I could get along with as well as her.[/QUOTE]
"Admitting"? Please, leave that thought behind. Unless by admitting you meant giving her a spontaneous kiss or something of sort.
[QUOTE=Emugod;42563564]Maybe, but I won't hold it against her. It was her idea anyway to get dinner. I just suggested we hang out if she was free anytime soon, and then I would have asked her to go to dinner, but she beat me to it. I'm not even sure if the intentions were clear. She could have just meant hanging out and not going for a date. I won't make any assumptions until I hear her story, though.[/QUOTE]
Wow.
This girl straight up stood you up. Said she was just getting ready and then went to go do something with someone else. Yet you're so hung up over her, you're justifying her actions, making excuses for her. Oh no she's really a nice person there must have been some kind of miscommunication there's no way she'd just bail on me like a gigantic bitch.
Stop seeing things the way you WANT to see them and start seeing them how they really are. Look at the damn facts of what happened. You're in denial, dude. She stood you up and you're desperately looking for some kind of reason to deny the fact that you've been stood up, because you've built this perfect image of a person in your mind for her and it would completely tear it down to know she's a cold-hearted bitch. She didn't even fucking tell you she was gonna go with someone else, left it up to you to find out.
Sad thing is, you'll probably believe whatever excuses or sob story she comes up with. You won't get anywhere letting people walk all over you like that.
[editline]18th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42565490]"Admitting"? Please, leave that thought behind. Unless by admitting you meant giving her a spontaneous kiss or something of sort.[/QUOTE]
This.
Telling someone you like them is a fucking terrible idea. Like someone? Ask them out. Don't approach them and say, "I really like you." How the fuck is someone supposed to respond to that? I mean, the odds of them feeling that strongly for you are ridiculously slim. It becomes extremely awkward even if they do like you, albeit a little bit. Because what are they supposed to say? "I like you too... just not as much right now." God damn it's the most awkward mood-killing way of interacting with someone romantically ever.
Ask her the fuck out. When you ask someone out, you are telling them that you like them. Except that sorta stays in the background so it isn't awkward for them. When they say, "I'm busy that day," it's their way of saying they don't feel the same way without having to say it directly, which is awkward. If they say yes then ta-fucking-da, they are interested in you as well.
Never fucking ever "confess" your love for someone as a means of trying to enter a relationship with them. This isn't the goddamn movies. She isn't going to go, "OMG ME TOO," and jump into your arms while unicorns fly overhead and all of the football players' balls explode in unison. Asking someone out does the same exact thing but increases your odds of success by a metric fuckton.
Maverick summed it up really well on the confessing love thing, just do stuff with the person you're interested to and don't necessarily talk about your feelings. Things like "It was a really nice day" or "I had a great time hanging out with you" is appreciated and enough if you want to tell her that you like her. It's not that direct and yet expresses your feelings towards that person.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;42565624]This.
Telling someone you like them is a fucking terrible idea. Like someone? Ask them out. Don't approach them and say, "I really like you." How the fuck is someone supposed to respond to that? I mean, the odds of them feeling that strongly for you are ridiculously slim. It becomes extremely awkward even if they do like you, albeit a little bit. Because what are they supposed to say? "I like you too... just not as much right now." God damn it's the most awkward mood-killing way of interacting with someone romantically ever.
Ask her the fuck out. When you ask someone out, you are telling them that you like them. Except that sorta stays in the background so it isn't awkward for them. When they say, "I'm busy that day," it's their way of saying they don't feel the same way without having to say it directly, which is awkward. If they say yes then ta-fucking-da, they are interested in you as well.
Never fucking ever "confess" your love for someone as a means of trying to enter a relationship with them. This isn't the goddamn movies. She isn't going to go, "OMG ME TOO," and jump into your arms while unicorns fly overhead and all of the football players' balls explode in unison. Asking someone out does the same exact thing but increases your odds of success by a metric fuckton.[/QUOTE]
You're actually right. Maybe its a blessing that I missed my opportunity yesterday. I guess my own desire to find out if she really likes me or not has clouded my judgement. I'll just give it more time when I get back from break.
[QUOTE=Boba_Fett;42566287]You're actually right. Maybe its a blessing that I missed my opportunity yesterday. I guess my own desire to find out if she really likes me or not has clouded my judgement. I'll just give it more time when I get back from break.[/QUOTE]
I would suggest making a move now, before the break. Make her a present (not a flower, something that tells 'I like you' in a sort of neutral way) or just give her more attention. Give her a cliffhanger to make her wait for the next time you meet.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;42565624]Wow.
This girl straight up stood you up. Said she was just getting ready and then went to go do something with someone else. Yet you're so hung up over her, you're justifying her actions, making excuses for her. Oh no she's really a nice person there must have been some kind of miscommunication there's no way she'd just bail on me like a gigantic bitch.
Stop seeing things the way you WANT to see them and start seeing them how they really are. Look at the damn facts of what happened. You're in denial, dude. She stood you up and you're desperately looking for some kind of reason to deny the fact that you've been stood up, because you've built this perfect image of a person in your mind for her and it would completely tear it down to know she's a cold-hearted bitch. She didn't even fucking tell you she was gonna go with someone else, left it up to you to find out.
Sad thing is, you'll probably believe whatever excuses or sob story she comes up with. You won't get anywhere letting people walk all over you like that.
[/QUOTE]
Wow, you're a complete tool. No one can have an excuse for anything? I'm not in denial nor am I seeing things how I want to see them. I'm giving her leeway because she's a person, and people aren't perfect. I talked to her after and asked what happened. She told me her phone had died and she couldn't reply back. This makes sense because it's 6 o'clock at night, she's a busy person, and probably hadn't charged her phone all day. It happens to me all the time.
I'm an understanding person, unlike you. You're a no excuse, no exception person. You don't give a shit about others but yourself. You expect people to drop everything and do everything for you. That's not how it works in this world.
Anyway, we talked and decided on another date on Sunday since I'll be gone for the weekend. I'm not going to ruin my chances with her because of some little thing like that.
Incoming shitstorm.
[QUOTE=Emugod;42566456]Wow, you're a complete tool. No one can have an excuse for anything? I'm not in denial nor am I seeing things how I want to see them. I'm giving her leeway because she's a person, and people aren't perfect. I talked to her after and asked what happened. She told me her phone had died and she couldn't reply back. This makes sense because it's 6 o'clock at night, she's a busy person, and probably hadn't charged her phone all day. It happens to me all the time.
I'm an understanding person, unlike you. You're a no excuse, no exception person. You don't give a shit about others but yourself. You expect people to drop everything and do everything for you. That's not how it works in this world.
Anyway, we talked and decided on another date on Sunday since I'll be gone for the weekend. I'm not going to ruin my chances with her because of some little thing like that.[/QUOTE]
whoa now cowboy lets calm down
[QUOTE=Emugod;42566456]Wow, you're a complete tool. No one can have an excuse for anything? I'm not in denial nor am I seeing things how I want to see them. I'm giving her leeway because she's a person, and people aren't perfect. I talked to her after and asked what happened. She told me her phone had died and she couldn't reply back. This makes sense because it's 6 o'clock at night, she's a busy person, and probably hadn't charged her phone all day. It happens to me all the time.
I'm an understanding person, unlike you. You're a no excuse, no exception person. You don't give a shit about others but yourself. You expect people to drop everything and do everything for you. That's not how it works in this world.
Anyway, we talked and decided on another date on Sunday since I'll be gone for the weekend. I'm not going to ruin my chances with her because of some little thing like that.[/QUOTE]
Not trying to insult but you look like a person who believes every little thing when someone tells you...just don't waste your entire time on her..who knows what she'll do next.
I'm sorry, Maverick, you've just been pissing me off. I come to this thread looking for advice, not to feel like a piece of shit. I didn't want to be outright insulted. Something like "You should probably stay away from her" would have been fine instead of "You're pathetic for believing the shit she's spewing". Your "advice" is more shaming than anything. It's not even constructive criticism. I don't care if you do that shit to others, but don't fucking do it towards me. I don't need that shit.
That reminds me when I used to bitch about Mavericks comments when I started posting in this section :v:
[QUOTE=UncouthJungle;42566987]Not trying to insult but you look like a person who believes every little thing when someone tells you...just don't waste your entire time on her..who knows what she'll do next.[/QUOTE]
I like the see the good in people, sometimes. Maybe that will fuck me over one day, but who gives a shit.
[QUOTE=Emugod;42566456]Wow, you're a complete tool. No one can have an excuse for anything? I'm not in denial nor am I seeing things how I want to see them. I'm giving her leeway because she's a person, and people aren't perfect. I talked to her after and asked what happened. She told me her phone had died and she couldn't reply back. This makes sense because it's 6 o'clock at night, she's a busy person, and probably hadn't charged her phone all day. It happens to me all the time.
I'm an understanding person, unlike you. You're a no excuse, no exception person. You don't give a shit about others but yourself. You expect people to drop everything and do everything for you. That's not how it works in this world.
Anyway, we talked and decided on another date on Sunday since I'll be gone for the weekend. I'm not going to ruin my chances with her because of some little thing like that.[/QUOTE]
Her phone died but she was able to contact her other friend to go hang out with them.
Lmao at believing the "my phone died," excuse. You know, the generic excuse people use when they don't want to tell you they were just ignoring you. There's a difference between being understanding and being a pushover. Her being a busy person would mean her phone would last longer, it's the not busy people who use their phones non-stop out of boredom. If you're running around doing stuff all day, your phone won't be used much. Even then, I can use my HD7 with it's shitty battery life all fucking day long without charging it (I only charge it at night when I sleep) and it won't die.
But hey, best of luck to you. Looks like you're determined to learn the hard way.
I think if you come into this thread asking for advice you'll get advice from Maverick that makes him sound like a giant douche. But I'm a total fucking social retard and even I know what he's saying here makes sense from a past experience.
[QUOTE=MaverickIB;42567081]Her phone died but she was able to contact her other friend to go hang out with them.
Lmao at believing the "my phone died," excuse. You know, the generic excuse people use when they don't want to tell you they were just ignoring you. There's a difference between being understanding and being a pushover. Her being a busy person would mean her phone would last longer, it's the not busy people who use their phones non-stop out of boredom. If you're running around doing stuff all day, your phone won't be used much. Even then, I can use my HD7 with it's shitty battery life all fucking day long without charging it (I only charge it at night when I sleep) and it won't die.
But hey, best of luck to you. Looks like you're determined to learn the hard way.[/QUOTE]
The friend was her roommate. You don't exactly need a phone to ask your roommate to hangout. I didn't state every single detail, and because of that, you're assuming things.
And, I've had days where I haven't touched my phone all day and it'll be at 10% half way through the day.
If you really, honestly believe that she wasn't intentionally standing you up then it's whatever, it's entirely possible we misread your story or something. If she's intentionally standing you up then chances are she'll make it obvious to you sooner or later if you don't pick up on it.
You do understand that if you don't provide all the right information then all a person can do is assume, right? That's kinda how it works, smart guy.
Regardless, it doesn't take long at all to charge a phone back to operating ability. What, a handful of minutes? She couldn't just plop it in a charger for that long and tell you it died/she's gonna chill with her roommate/whatever?
The bottom line is, regardless of whether her excuse is legitimate or not, the fact of the matter is you didn't even cross her mind. Her phone died and she instantly forgot about you. Didn't give enough of a shit to charge it and tell you, or even tell you later once it was charged. You had to find out from someone else what she did. Tell me, if you didn't find out she hung out with someone else, do you honestly think she would have ever told you anything? She'd still wait until you contacted her to tell you her phone died. Because she doesn't give a fuck about you, and you would have never crossed her mind if you didn't say something about it first.
That's what you need to be focusing on, that's what you need to realize. Who gives a shit what she really did or why, the bottom line is you're the last thing on her mind. And when you're legitimately interested in someone and your phone dies right before your date, you flip your shit trying to figure out a way to contact them as fast as possible. I mean, what would you have done if your phone died after you told her to text you when she was ready? I bet you would have sprinted to the fucking store to buy a charger or stolen one from a friend or jammed it in a fucking lemon to charge it or something as fast as possible, right? Because you don't want to ruin your chances with her.
She couldn't care less about her chances with you. I bet if you got pissed she bailed, she would just be like, "Get over it faggot," and not give a fuck about missing out on dating you.
Why even bother with dating someone who is obviously just dating you to burn time/have something to do/get free dinner?
Emu, as blunt as Maverick is being, he's probably right.
On a scale from 1 to neckbeard, how 'weird' is it that I haven't lost my virginity yet? I'm a regular 20 year old dude. I could have lost it like, 3 times already by now over the past few years but the first two times would have been cheating (as in the girl cheating on her boyfriends with me, of all things) and the third time was just too awkward and we didn't get passed some shitty foreplay. Never been in a real relationship either as well. Am I doing something wrong?
I had my first time with 18 and at that point that I was already pretty concerned that I might never have sex but I don't really regret having sex earlier. It's been fine the way it is now.
20 sounds pretty old actually. Do you have issues finding a girl or are you generally afraid to have sex? I was in a relationship over a year without having sex because I had a really stupid anxiety and was generally afraid to have sexual intercourse.
[QUOTE=Larry_G;42567468]On a scale from 1 to neckbeard, how 'weird' is it that I haven't lost my virginity yet? I'm a regular 20 year old dude. I could have lost it like, 3 times already by now over the past few years but the first two times would have been cheating (as in the girl cheating on her boyfriends with me, of all things) and the third time was just too awkward and we didn't get passed some shitty foreplay. Never been in a real relationship either as well. Am I doing something wrong?[/QUOTE]
You can loose your virginity whenever you want, nothing wrong with it. But being in a relationship is something I would recommend in 16-18, because of experience. I mean you won't get anywhere serious when you are 16, but when a really important thing comes up you won't fuck it up.
Still not neckbeard or anything weird. You shouldn't force it. Not saying you shouldn't make first moves and be attractive to women though.
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42567550]You can loose your virginity whenever you want, nothing wrong with it. But being in a relationship is something I would recommend in 16-18, because of experience. I mean you won't get anywhere serious when you are 16, but when a really important thing comes up you won't fuck it up.
Still not neckbeard or anything weird. You shouldn't force it. Not saying you shouldn't make first moves and be attractive to women though.[/QUOTE]
This is nice to say to someone who is 14-18 years old but not to someone who is 20. I'm not saying that people who lost their virginity late are idiots and loosers. My first time with 18 felt like I was really late to catch up and I really did feel like a retard. Overall I felt like a douche having sex this late, I was really glad to do it back then. Nowadays I don't mind it that much because ultimatively it doesn't matter that much but it's an important experience anyway, it's a sign of maturity to me. Just my humble opinion.
[QUOTE=Larry_G;42567468]On a scale from 1 to neckbeard, how 'weird' is it that I haven't lost my virginity yet? I'm a regular 20 year old dude. I could have lost it like, 3 times already by now over the past few years but the first two times would have been cheating (as in the girl cheating on her boyfriends with me, of all things) and the third time was just too awkward and we didn't get passed some shitty foreplay. Never been in a real relationship either as well. Am I doing something wrong?[/QUOTE]
No. You'll lose it when you're ready to lose it. There's no arbitrary age you need to get laid before in order to not be a loser or some dumb shit like that. It only becomes a problem when you're desperate to lose it just for the sake of losing it, people can sense the desperation in you and it just gets more difficult. Don't worry about it, go through your life being yourself, and it will happen when the time is right.
[QUOTE=Larry_G;42567468]On a scale from 1 to neckbeard, how 'weird' is it that I haven't lost my virginity yet? I'm a regular 20 year old dude. I could have lost it like, 3 times already by now over the past few years but the first two times would have been cheating (as in the girl cheating on her boyfriends with me, of all things) and the third time was just too awkward and we didn't get passed some shitty foreplay. Never been in a real relationship either as well. Am I doing something wrong?[/QUOTE]
Chillax nothing serious.
Is there any way I can make myself seem more open to talking to people? I understand if I want something I have to do it myself, but there has to be some way I can take some of the preassure of making friends off of myself.
[QUOTE=junker154;42567548]I had my first time with 18 and at that point that I was already pretty concerned that I might never have sex but I don't really regret having sex earlier. It's been fine the way it is now.
20 sounds pretty old actually. Do you have issues finding a girl or are you generally afraid to have sex? I was in a relationship over a year without having sex because I had a really stupid anxiety and was generally afraid to have sexual intercourse.[/QUOTE]
I lost my virginity when I was 17 (19 now) and I wanted it to be really special, but it turns out she was using me.
She was considered a whore by a lot but I wanted to give her a last chance, I thought she could change and she instead used me to get back at her boyfriend, leaving me a week later after I gave her my virginity. Sex for me personally a hugely emotional thing, much more so than the physical aspect and that event just crushed me.
I've been afraid to ever have sex again. The opportunity presented itself a few times in the past couple of years but I just... I couldn't do it.
[b]tl;dr: yeah i'm afraid to have sex again[/b]
The first thing you should change about yourself is to look somewhat "soigné" and cultivated. This might sound really arrogant but it's generally a lot easier for me to speak to people who don't like like they just came out of a shitpile. Also a clean articulation is also a really good thing to have, it just makes conversations a lot more enjoyable instead of blabbering around.
The most vital part is to have a proper body language and look confident, this may sound difficult but it's one of the key parts.
[editline]18th October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Catscratch;42568052]I lost my virginity when I was 17 (19 now) and I wanted it to be really special, but it turns out she was using me.
She was considered a whore by a lot but I wanted to give her a last chance, I thought she could change and she instead used me to get back at her boyfriend, leaving me a week later after I gave her my virginity. Sex for me personally a hugely emotional thing, much more so than the physical aspect and that event just crushed me.
I've been afraid to ever have sex again. The opportunity presented itself a few times in the past couple of years but I just... I couldn't do it.
[b]tl;dr: yeah i'm afraid to have sex again[/b][/QUOTE]
Well in my case I just had a weird anxiety, I didn't really have the guts to do it even with a fine girlfriend. But at one day it just happened in a rush, it was mostly the expectations and condom thing that was really offputting to me. But then I had no issue sleeping with other girls. Now I'm somewhat addicted and need it a lot.
In your case it really sounds like you should have a girlfriend that you can really trust, how did she "use" you?
[QUOTE=junker154;42568087]The first thing you should change about yourself is to look somewhat "soigné" and cultivated. This might sound really arrogant but it's generally a lot easier for me to speak to people who don't like like they just came out of a shitpile. Also a clean articulation is also a really good thing to have, it just makes conversations a lot more enjoyable instead of blabbering around.
The most vital part is to have a proper body language and look confident, this may sound difficult but it's one of the key parts.
[editline]18th October 2013[/editline]
Well in my case I just had a weird anxiety, I didn't really have the guts to do it even with a fine girlfriend. But at one day it just happened in a rush, it was mostly the expectations and condom thing that was really offputting to me. But then I had no issue sleeping with other girls. Now I'm somewhat addicted and need it a lot.
In your case it really sounds like you should have a girlfriend that you can really trust, how did she "use" you?[/QUOTE]
Tried to make her boyfriend jealous and some shit like that. I don't recall. I tried to put it behind me as best as I can.
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