Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42592524]I think the thread title may be telling me what I need to do. I've met somebody through the atheist club who seems genuinely cool. She's reasonably close to my age, doesn't appear to be seeing anybody, talks intelligently about interesting things, and is into a lot of the same things I am that get blank stares and "Huh"s from other people. Most importantly, she actually seems interested in talking to me, which is pretty unusual. Normally they just...tune out.
I've lost some weight and gained a lot of confidence over this past year, not to mention done a lot of growing up since my last relationship (like 6 years ago, holy shit). Still, though, I feel like she's out of my league physically. I don't really believe in that way of thinking, and I honestly think that other things are a lot more important, but still, nobody wants to date [I]down.[/I]
I'm afraid of making a complete idiot of myself. I'm afraid of making it obvious that I have [I]no fucking clue[/I] about how any of this is supposed to work. I'm afraid of acting casual until my voice goes shaky and reveals how shit scared I am of what she'll say. I literally haven't had the self esteem to seriously think of even [I]trying[/I] in years.
So, what? Pound a shot of bourbon, obey the thread title, and just fucking do it? We talk online a bit, is that acceptable when the club events are too difficult to talk alone? Should I just shut up and go back in my hole for another few years?[/QUOTE]
I think looks arent as important to men as they are to women. You see some average looking men with beautiful women, not because of their looks, but because they have their shit together. So, get your shit together.
If it helps, before you go on a date with her, call a couple of friends to get together somewhere and have a beer. Make sure to talk a lot and have a good time, you'll be in a better state when you meet her, like you've had your warm up already.
[QUOTE=D3TBS;42593058][B]I think looks arent as important to men as they are to women. You see some average looking men with beautiful women, not because of their looks,[/B] but because they have their shit together. So, get your shit together.
If it helps, before you go on a date with her, call a couple of friends to get together somewhere and have a beer. Make sure to talk a lot and have a good time, you'll be in a better state when you meet her, like you've had your warm up already.[/QUOTE]
huh, had me confused for a second, do you mean for, not to?
is there a difference when I say "Important to someone" and "Important for someone"?
[QUOTE=D3TBS;42594971]is there a difference when I say "Important to someone" and "Important for someone"?[/QUOTE]
I'm assuming the difference is whether they look good or another looks good. What you wrote can either mean, Guys care less about how women look and women care more about how men look, or guys care less about how they look and women care more about how they look.
Alright folks, this seems like a really chill and friendly place, and I'm in a bit of a proverbial pickle with someone I used to love. So, without going into too much detail, I met someone I really loved, we got serious, I sent her some stuff with legitimate sentimental and emotional value. Fast forward about a week after sending one of said items. She tells me she found someone else and that basically what I was doing wasn't good enough for her. Cue the downward spiral. So basically, I'm at a loss, I can forget her, and I don't know whether to ask for the stuff back, or to just cut it off as collateral. The only big issue with all this is I can't get her out of my head. I became too emotionally attached, apparently, to someone who's "genuine" care wasn't really anything at all. I seriously need some help to move on, so I can find someone else to convey all my happiness and warm feelings to. It's been about 2 weeks since she told me I wasn't good enough.
There isn't an easy fix. You just got to accept that you'll be sad about it for a while, but it'll pass.
As for the stuff, just let her keep it.
[QUOTE=Emugod;42595602]I'm assuming the difference is whether they look good or another looks good. What you wrote can either mean, Guys care less about how women look and women care more about how men look, or guys care less about how they look and women care more about how they look.[/QUOTE]
Guys care more about how women look
Women care less about how men look
thats what I wanted to say
[editline]21st October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=cheeseboiger;42595616]Alright folks, this seems like a really chill and friendly place, and I'm in a bit of a proverbial pickle with someone I used to love. So, without going into too much detail, I met someone I really loved, we got serious, I sent her some stuff with legitimate sentimental and emotional value. Fast forward about a week after sending one of said items. She tells me she found someone else and that basically what I was doing wasn't good enough for her. Cue the downward spiral. So basically, I'm at a loss, I can forget her, and I don't know whether to ask for the stuff back, or to just cut it off as collateral. The only big issue with all this is I can't get her out of my head. I became too emotionally attached, apparently, to someone who's "genuine" care wasn't really anything at all. I seriously need some help to move on, so I can find someone else to convey all my happiness and warm feelings to. It's been about 2 weeks since she told me I wasn't good enough.[/QUOTE]
Those warm happy feelings, give them to yourself. That girl, forget her, go look for other girls
[QUOTE=cheeseboiger;42595616]Alright folks, this seems like a really chill and friendly place, and I'm in a bit of a proverbial pickle with someone I used to love. So, without going into too much detail, I met someone I really loved, we got serious, I sent her some stuff with legitimate sentimental and emotional value. Fast forward about a week after sending one of said items. She tells me she found someone else and that basically what I was doing wasn't good enough for her. Cue the downward spiral. So basically, I'm at a loss, I can forget her, and I don't know whether to ask for the stuff back, or to just cut it off as collateral. The only big issue with all this is I can't get her out of my head. I became too emotionally attached, apparently, to someone who's "genuine" care wasn't really anything at all. I seriously need some help to move on, so I can find someone else to convey all my happiness and warm feelings to. It's been about 2 weeks since she told me I wasn't good enough.[/QUOTE]
That sounds quite harsh, I'm sorry for you. Unfortunately there isn't that much that you can do. Keeping yourself occupied is the best method of forgetting someone, I usually did a lot with friends or played games. At some point your memories about her will fade and you will slowly start forgetting about her. Time will heal your sorrow.
Also at some point when you're about to meet another potential romantic interest, you will forget about her.
[QUOTE=junker154;42595851]That sounds quite harsh, I'm sorry for you. Unfortunately there isn't that much that you can do. Keeping yourself occupied is the best method of forgetting someone, I usually did a lot with friends or played games. At some point your memories about her will fade and you will slowly start forgetting about her. Time will heal your sorrow.
Also at some point when you're about to meet another potential romantic interest, you will forget about her.[/QUOTE]
I see. I must thank all the friendly and cool people who responded to my request for help. Regarding her, though. She told me all this, and went on to say "lets be friends" and that "there might be a chance down the road". Should I just break all ties with her and just move on with life? Is this friendship thing a clever ruse? Or should I give her a benefit of a doubt and just be friends. The whole "down the road" thing really irked me. If she didn't think too much of me then, why would later be any different? Again, thanks for the knowledge and advice. I seriously need it and appreciate it.
read "hey you I dont have such an interest in you as you do in me. I keep you around as a friend and for the occasional gifts. And even though I dont mind making you happier, that would mean I risk losing what I have.So thats the roleyoull play in my world"
forget about her,move on blablabla. The best way to move from a girl is to meet other girls. Its not a romance, its what it is
[QUOTE=cheeseboiger;42596000]I see. I must thank all the friendly and cool people who responded to my request for help. Regarding her, though. She told me all this, and went on to say "lets be friends" and that "there might be a chance down the road". Should I just break all ties with her and just move on with life? Is this friendship thing a clever ruse? Or should I give her a benefit of a doubt and just be friends. The whole "down the road" thing really irked me. If she didn't think too much of me then, why would later be any different? Again, thanks for the knowledge and advice. I seriously need it and appreciate it.[/QUOTE]
I would just completely cut the contact with her. Saying "there might be a chance sometime" is absolutely atrocious, it really appears that she keeps you "warm" until she needs a closer friend or boyfriend in harsh times. If she was really interested in you and having a relationship, she shouldn't have dated someone "who's better than you", even if you would eventually be back together, it woudn't be a very healthy and good relationship, considering that she broke your heart by saying "there is someone better".
It's really insolent and devious of her. Furthermore this "staying friends" business is quite hard to pull off and always ends in catastrophe, at least for me. It's just better to forget about her. Just move on and don't waste your time with such a girl who has obviously different priorities than you and is ready to cheat on you with a guy who is "better".
I hope this helped you a bit, that's all I can say from a personal standpoint and my gained experience.
I haven't had proper human contact in years and I don't give a fuck, is that cause for concern.
You think that you don't give a fuck but deep inside you, you crave to have proper human interaction and relationship with people. Also depending on your age and line of work, it's a cause for concern.
I don't know, I'm 21 years old and still a student but I've been entirely fine doing nothing but lifting my weights, playing my games, playing my guitar and learning new shit to do like juggling, beatboxing and dancing for no real reason other than why not.
[editline]21st October 2013[/editline]
I should probably rephrase that to human interaction rather than human contact, if that makes a difference.
At some point I really crave for human interaction, I like having friends or talking to random people. I like to share my experience and knowledge with them or simply have a good time. It's also good having a basic grasp on how leading conversations and relationship for future work and such because you will always be in contact with someone.
Overall I really dislike being with people all the time and I don't want to have a lot of friends either. It's more of a hassle and annoyance to me.
It depends on how you feel, if you don't lie to yourself and feel geniunely good with your situation then it's fine I guess. I just think that it is good being in touch with other people and having a grasp of reality instead of shutting yourself off from the world.
i feel like since you even bothered asking, there's something troubling you about it and you wanted some sort of validation
everyone needs social interaction, some way more than others, some way less. having no real human interaction in [I]years[/I] is definitely a cause for concern imo
edit: also the 'i dont give a fuck' attitude is typically really unhealthy, most people who go on about how they dont care are usually just putting up walls so they don't have to face their problems. not saying this is the norm for you/everyone, just what i've noticed.
[QUOTE=Heigou;42596613]I don't know, I'm 21 years old and still a student but I've been entirely fine doing nothing but lifting my weights, playing my games, playing my guitar and learning new shit to do like juggling, beatboxing and dancing for no real reason other than why not.
[editline]21st October 2013[/editline]
I should probably rephrase that to human interaction rather than human contact, if that makes a difference.[/QUOTE]
It could be a lot worse. You could be doing nothing with your time, not studying, not exercising, not learning, not developing skills, etc.
I'd much rather not be around people for a while and do all those things (studying, learning, practicing, etc.) than be around people but not spending as much time on myself to develop myself.
if you're legitimately happy without having a social life then there's nothing wrong with that, plenty of people don't enjoy social interaction and that doesn't make you less of a person. all that matters is whether you're actually happy or are telling yourself you are in order to justify not seeking out happiness.
txt me bb
Just don't rush into anything due to your recent breakup, it's always nice having some time on your own between relationships. Although it depends on the person, some people need more time than others.
Personally after a yearlong relationship I wouldn't directly try to get into another relationship.
I never met someone online anyway so I couldn't tell how it feels but it's pretty natural to feel unsecure and a bit fragile after a breakup.
So hey guys, It's been a while, how ya doing?
Well, I've been kinda busy for some time. Things around here aren't going so well but I can't complain.
So I've recently been talking to two girls, one of them I only recently met and I just see her as a good friend, the other, well I feel kind of an attraction. SO yeah, basically I've been starting to go out with this girl I've been talking to except there have been some bad news. News I would rather not have at all.
So basically my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer this September. She got surgery and the tumor is gone, she has an 80% chance of survival but she'll still need to do some chemotherapy and it's going to be tough.
The thing is, my mom now need my full support and I've only told this to my closest friends. I've been working my ass off on university and have been helping a lot at home since my mom can't do any force with the affected side of her body. So this means I'm once again delaying any dates so far and call me pessimistic, unless the girl is someone special I don't think a relationship at this time will survive during this time. But it's not about me now.
The thing is, I'm worried. And I mean I'm scared shitless because I don't know how to deal with this situation emotionally. It has always been my mom giving me support and now it's the other way around. My mom's been accompanied by the best doctors we can find but when I ask her about how the doctor's appointment went or about any details of her medical progress she gets very emotional and doesn't want to talk about it. And this makes me worried and I mean very worried because my mom has this immense difficulty expressing her feelings and having her crying in my arms when I hug her is something so bizarre to me that I can't even explain.
I don't know what I should do or what more can I do to make my mom feel any better or if it's ok to go after this girl I like besides this situation. I don't even know if this is the right place to talk about this but if someone here has gone through the same I would like to know how they went through it.
I'm totally not ready to see this happen to my mom and I know that during the chemotherapy I'll be expected to be positive around her so that she will be positive about her recovery too. And this scares me too because I'm very afraid of disappointing her at this point.
I think I need to talk to someone or seek some professional psychologist help. I feel so stressed and so lost at the same time it's hard for me to put my thoughts together. Also I've been putting this cool positive guy act when I'm outside with people like nothing is happening. I haven't even cried over this issue and I'm afraid that because of it I may burst and do something silly over accumulated tension.
Has anyone here been through something similar? How did you deal with it?
My family is somewhat plagued by cancer, a lot of older family members died this year and it was quite horrible. I know how you feel, although it never happened to someone that was really close to me. I'm sorry to hear that and I do hope that you will sort it out eventually.
My family is also under the cancer spectrum I'm afraid. Well, at least my mother's side of the family. Last person In my family dying with cancer was my grandmother when I was about 4 years old. Her sister, my aunt, also had some benign tumors but she got over it.
But in my mother's case, despite she detecting it some months later, her odds are very good, around 80% chance of total recovery. Still it's worrying.
Also because of this, medics usually advise me to do regular checkups once I get older.
Let's just hope I'm more like my father's side of the family when it comes to cancer. It isn't a thing I recommend to anyone, that's for sure.
So I ended up not talking to that girl in my class and just gave her back her notebook. Honestly, to me it feels like if I talk to a girl more than once I'm just intruding in her life.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42601421]So I ended up not talking to that girl in my class and just gave her back her notebook. Honestly, to me it feels like if I talk to a girl more than once I'm just intruding in her life.[/QUOTE]
I've really stopped caring.
Are there any tricks I can use to make better connections during first conversations so anything after that doesn't feel like I'm just intruding?
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42601434]Are there any tricks I can use to make better connections during first conversations so anything after that doesn't feel like I'm just intruding?[/QUOTE]
[img]http://rambotwk.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/empty_book.jpg[/img]
we might as well give you this to read
Seriously guys, I need your help. Google searches only lead me to pick up artists who want you to buy their book or DVDs or whatever.
How about you just talk to them? If you don't like an entitled and selfish prick it's not that hard to talk to people. You don't necessarily intrude in someones life by talking to them. There are a few people who react negativly if you talk to them from the side but most of them at the university are actually pretty tolerant and look for more social contact.
In my experience most students are really open for new contacts, so you might as well just talk to her. I usually just shitshat when I sit next to someone in my class, talking about the class itself and then proceed to more private topics or hobbies. University is the ideal place to pick up new contacts.
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