Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
Hey folks, so a little dilemma has come up.
So I met this guy who is a math major/stats minor and is probably the coolest dude I have ever met. I asked for tutoring in calc with this guy awhile back. We shared the same physics lab and during that time I would have him help me out for free. We really hit it off and have a lot of the same interests.
Now that the term is over I don't see him anymore. Which really sucks because we totally bro'd over everything else while he taught me how to do calc. I have his number when he offered to tutor me, however never bothered to text him.
I'd feel kind of bad if I texted him and I'd have to pay him to help me out as well as be a friend.
And if I do text him, what do I say?
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42612331]Even if it was just a shitty two minute conversation about a test.[/QUOTE]
don't overthink it man
keep doing you
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42611337]Well I did manage to talk to a girl in my class today. And this time I went in not expecting to be able to make a good connection right off the bat so I don't feel like I failed.[/QUOTE]
Try (if you don't already) to make conversation without being attached to or expecting a certain outcome.
It's like playing a sport. If you play just to play, and don't care whether you win or lose, the game is great no matter how it ends. Because you are not attached to or expecting a certain outcome.
[QUOTE=blacksam;42612660]Hey folks, so a little dilemma has come up.
So I met this guy who is a math major/stats minor and is probably the coolest dude I have ever met. I asked for tutoring in calc with this guy awhile back. We shared the same physics lab and during that time I would have him help me out for free. We really hit it off and have a lot of the same interests.
Now that the term is over I don't see him anymore. Which really sucks because we totally bro'd over everything else while he taught me how to do calc. I have his number when he offered to tutor me, however never bothered to text him.
I'd feel kind of bad if I texted him and I'd have to pay him to help me out as well as be a friend.
And if I do text him, what do I say?[/QUOTE]
hey man want to hang out and do something involving similar interests
this isn't a romantic thing is it? it's just like asking any other friend you have to chill really
[QUOTE=Mobon1;42612717]hey man want to hang out and do something involving similar interests
this isn't a romantic thing is it? it's just like asking any other friend you have to chill really[/QUOTE]
Nah, not romantic. Nothing romantic about calculus.
I guess I just don't know if I ask to meet with him for help and end up paying him for teaching me how to do math and then ask to hang out later. I don't want him to view me as a paycheck if that makes sense.
[QUOTE=blacksam;42612757]Nah, not romantic. Nothing romantic about calculus.
I guess I just don't know if I ask to meet with him for help and end up paying him for teaching me how to do math and then ask to hang out later. I don't want him to view me as a paycheck if that makes sense.[/QUOTE]
hangout first, do math later
[QUOTE=junker154;42612450]Just calm down a bit and take some distance, which is easier done than said. Don't force any sort of contact with her when she clearly doesn't want to see you in any way. There isn't much that you can do now. Perhaps some distance might ease the situation, if you start being obnoxious about it she will only counter-react to you and thus making it worse.
Try to keep yourself occupied and don't think much about it, the worst thing is when you don't do anything and you constantly remind yourself about her. Go out with friends, do sports or just play some video games. Time will heal all wounds.[/QUOTE]
Thanks, but like you said easier said then done. The thing that gets me the most is I loved her still do but she won't even talk to me. How do you fix something if the other person is completely unwilling to let go of angry and all this hate she has toward me. I've left her alone for a good 3 weeks now and she still won't talk.
Well, it's time to move on. There is no use mourning over a person that has clearly no interest in you at all. Even if you feel the need to justify yourself or express how you all feel about it, just let it slide. Sometimes the urge to explain yourself is aggrieving, especially if you feel like the whole situation is unfair. Just let it slide.
Overall there isn't much that you can't do. Either way you just start going on with your life and forgetting about her or you keep pestering yourself with all the thoughts of the time that you both have spent together. Thinking about it isn't a bad thing, but if it seriously devastasted your mental health you should just forget about it and move on. There isn't much to tell.
[QUOTE=junker154;42613498]Well, it's time to move on. There is no use mourning over a person that has clearly no interest in you at all. Even if you feel the need to justify yourself or express how you all feel about it, just let it slide. Sometimes the urge to explain yourself is aggrieving, especially if you feel like the whole situation is unfair.
Overall there isn't much that you can't do. Either way you just start going on with your life and forgetting about her or you keep pestering yourself with all the thoughts of the time that you both have spent together. Thinking about it isn't a bad thing, but if it seriously devastasted your mental health you should just forget about it and move on. There isn't much to tell.[/QUOTE]
k, and your right just wish it didn't have to be. Thanks man
[QUOTE=Pickwickian-;42612240]I wouldn't ever dream of texting anyone that many times in one day.
Even 37 seems way too steep to me - for anyone.[/QUOTE]
Until we lived together my bf and I sent about 200-400 texts back and forth a day. So about 100-200 each.
[QUOTE=Jacob_sword;42613524]k, and your right just wish it didn't have to be. Thanks man[/QUOTE]
A girlfriend of mine once broke up with me for no apparent reason, she claimed some nonsensical stuff that didn't really presented the current situation that we found ourselves in. It kind of destroyed me emotionally and I had never experienced anything like that before, it felt as something incredibly "wrong" has been done to me. I felt betrayed and left alone.
Naturally I had this tremendeous urge to explain the situation and show how it "really" was from my perspective. Before doing that I just let it slid and acted normal, without showing any sort of frustration or angryness. I was just polite and honest to her, this changed quite much actually. She stopped being so blut and actually listened to me. My advice is just to act cool but without trying to act in a cold way, a "I don't give a fuck" attitude makes only worse.
[QUOTE=Pickwickian-;42612240]I wouldn't ever dream of texting anyone that many times in one day.
Even 37 seems way too steep to me - for anyone.[/QUOTE]
it really depends. some of the people i know send longer texts and take longer to reply, and some people send almost one word per text. i assume youre just the kind that takes longer
[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;42613702]it really depends. some of the people i know send longer texts and take longer to reply, and some people send almost one word per text. i assume youre just the kind that takes longer[/QUOTE]
i think it depends more on how many of those were sent before getting a response
So I'm planning on asking the girl I've been talking about to go out to dinner with me sometime. We're supposed to hang out next week so I thought I'd ask her then. She's throwing me a curve ball. She called me "kiddo" in a text earlier today, made me feel juvenile.. Lol. Possibly reading into it too much, but come on!
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;42601181]So hey guys, It's been a while, how ya doing?
Well, I've been kinda busy for some time. Things around here aren't going so well but I can't complain.
So I've recently been talking to two girls, one of them I only recently met and I just see her as a good friend, the other, well I feel kind of an attraction. SO yeah, basically I've been starting to go out with this girl I've been talking to except there have been some bad news. News I would rather not have at all.
So basically my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer this September. She got surgery and the tumor is gone, she has an 80% chance of survival but she'll still need to do some chemotherapy and it's going to be tough.
The thing is, my mom now need my full support and I've only told this to my closest friends. I've been working my ass off on university and have been helping a lot at home since my mom can't do any force with the affected side of her body. So this means I'm once again delaying any dates so far and call me pessimistic, unless the girl is someone special I don't think a relationship at this time will survive during this time. But it's not about me now.
The thing is, I'm worried. And I mean I'm scared shitless because I don't know how to deal with this situation emotionally. It has always been my mom giving me support and now it's the other way around. My mom's been accompanied by the best doctors we can find but when I ask her about how the doctor's appointment went or about any details of her medical progress she gets very emotional and doesn't want to talk about it. And this makes me worried and I mean very worried because my mom has this immense difficulty expressing her feelings and having her crying in my arms when I hug her is something so bizarre to me that I can't even explain.
I don't know what I should do or what more can I do to make my mom feel any better or if it's ok to go after this girl I like besides this situation. I don't even know if this is the right place to talk about this but if someone here has gone through the same I would like to know how they went through it.
I'm totally not ready to see this happen to my mom and I know that during the chemotherapy I'll be expected to be positive around her so that she will be positive about her recovery too. And this scares me too because I'm very afraid of disappointing her at this point.
I think I need to talk to someone or seek some professional psychologist help. I feel so stressed and so lost at the same time it's hard for me to put my thoughts together. Also I've been putting this cool positive guy act when I'm outside with people like nothing is happening. I haven't even cried over this issue and I'm afraid that because of it I may burst and do something silly over accumulated tension.
Has anyone here been through something similar? How did you deal with it?[/QUOTE]
I have been through the same thing.
Mom got a persistent pain in her knee. Doctor said it was a deep tissue bruising of her bone. She said he was wrong. He was. The next doctor wasn't.
Non-hodgkins Lymphoma. Started in her knee. Got into her lymph nodes. Very sick.
I didn't cry. I was optimistic the whole time and helped her out whenever she needed it in any way that I could. I believed that she had a chance of getting better. I didn't believe that she would get better, I believed that it was possible, and because the other road was bumpier, I took that one. I didn't entertain the thought of her death. That's false; I did entertain the thought, but it went along the lines of "what if she doesn't make it? She'd be dead I guess. That's the end of her concerns about it, and mine need not extend any further until they are forced."
Then she did die. I didn't cry that morning when I was awoken with the news. I went and found a piece of paper, sat in the middle of the room with some colored pencils and made lines all over it in various patterns while I thought about what it would be like without her. I guess I was stunned, but I only say that now. If you had asked me then, I would have denied it. It wasn't as if I was shocked and appalled and grieving. It was like I missed a breath and then life went on.
So my advice is to keep on keeping on. She's got the possibility of getting better. Her odds are a lot better than my mother's were and I managed it. Be there for her. Entertain her fancies if she's taken strange interests. My mom got into spirituality quite noticeably near the end and I don't know if anyone was there to talk to her about it. Everyone didn't want to accept that she was dying to her face, and acknowledging new interests is something that they seemed to feel was a sign of her acknowledging it within herself so they turned their eyes from any that popped up.
To do list:
Don't change the subject if she wants to talk about something.
Tomatoes are great for chemo patients.
Your lack of tears may mean many things, but don't assume that it is bad. You should not try to feel any particular way about this.
[QUOTE=Juice_Layer;42614481]So I'm planning on asking the girl I've been talking about to go out to dinner with me sometime. We're supposed to hang out next week so I thought I'd ask her then. She's throwing me a curve ball. She called me "kiddo" in a text earlier today, made me feel juvenile.. Lol. Possibly reading into it too much, but come on![/QUOTE]
Perhaps because you're an obnoxious and childish douche. Also why did you snip? You're such a try-hard.
[QUOTE=junker154;42615125]Perhaps because you're an obnoxious and childish douche. Also why did you snip? You're such a try-hard.[/QUOTE]
You know nothing about me, and I figured I'd put something a little more relevant. No need to flame dude.
I know enough by reading your posts. I still remember when you post a picture of a chat where wrote this girl that you never actually had something with a cougar or some shit and she wasn't even that old.
That was absolutely cringeworthy.
[QUOTE=blacksam;42612660]Hey folks, so a little dilemma has come up.
So I met this guy who is a math major/stats minor and is probably the coolest dude I have ever met. I asked for tutoring in calc with this guy awhile back. We shared the same physics lab and during that time I would have him help me out for free. We really hit it off and have a lot of the same interests.
Now that the term is over I don't see him anymore. Which really sucks because we totally bro'd over everything else while he taught me how to do calc. I have his number when he offered to tutor me, however never bothered to text him.
I'd feel kind of bad if I texted him and I'd have to pay him to help me out as well as be a friend.
And if I do text him, what do I say?[/QUOTE]
Why don't you just text him and say something like "Hey, it's been a while! What have you been up to, ___ something about semester ___. Would you wanna hang out sometime?"
I wouldn't find that weird if I were a guy. I don't know if I'd do it all in one single text, maybe leave room for a reply and some natural conversation before you just bust right into it. Or you can be straight forward, that's always cool too. Whichever route you feel alright taking, but taking the initiative is important - otherwise it's never going to happen. If he says no or says he's busy or something, I'd probably give it one more go and then if it happens again and he makes no effort to reschedule y'all hanging out I'd just let it go. Best of luck to you.
[editline]22nd October 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=junker154;42615190]I know enough by reading your posts. I still remember when you post a picture of a chat where wrote this girl that you never actually had something with a cougar or some shit and she wasn't even that old.
That was absolutely cringeworthy.[/QUOTE]
Haha, oh yeah. That was lame. I agree with you.
I haven't done anything like that with this new girl, nor anyone else I'm interested in recently. People are allowed to grow up, and that wasn't anything I was really serious about anyways.
Good memory!
[QUOTE=Yahnich;42615421]i send like 50-75 texts on a boring day to my gf fight me 1v1 nerd[/QUOTE]
One of the first girls I dated and I would send well over 8000 texts a month. It was absolutely ridiculous and just immature really. We never had anything to talk about in person and already knew everything about one another. There was no such thing as a little privacy after that point either, plus it just became a nuisance. I was still in high school and my parents were pissed because all I did was text her pretty much all day, even in class - and they were pissed rightly so. They were like "How the hell do you find the time to send that many text messages in one month to a single person?" I've cut down significantly on texting and try to keep it under like 15 or so, cumulatively, per day. I really prefer it.
[QUOTE=Juice_Layer;42615860]One of the first girls I dated and I would send well over 8000 texts a month.[/QUOTE]
(´・ω・`)
I used to text a shitload. Id reply back any chance I could and id be that annoying guy that would go "hellooo? are you there?"
Then I learned from my horrible mistakes. Now I just reply min. 1 hour, sometimes more. Unless its a good friend of mine, then it doesnt really matter
I never had a cellphone to text with, get wrecked nerds.
[QUOTE=D3TBS;42616809]I used to text a shitload. Id reply back any chance I could and id be that annoying guy that would go "hellooo? are you there?"
Then I learned from my horrible mistakes. Now I just reply min. 1 hour, sometimes more. Unless its a good friend of mine, then it doesnt really matter[/QUOTE]
I don't do the "hello are you there" thing, but I still try to respond quickly, and when other people don't, especially when they just sent me a text, I suspect they're just doing exactly what you're doing because they don't want to look clingy or desperate or whatever.
Tbh I've got constant internet on my Galaxy S4, plus about a bajillion text messages. If I'm out, I'll most of the time reply real quick. If I'm at home, my phone is sometimes on silent from the morning or whatever and it'll take like an hour for me to realize I've gotten a message.
Technology nowadays, there's literally no reason for anyone not to reply in like a minute flat, unless they're not really interested in you / can't be bothered talking to you.
[editline]23rd October 2013[/editline]
But thank god I've never been the "Hello, are you there? Helloooo?" type. I sometimes get text diarrhea though.
[QUOTE=loopoo;42620902]
Technology nowadays, there's literally no reason for anyone not to reply in like a minute flat, unless they're not really interested in you / can't be bothered talking to you.
[/QUOTE]
Wait, is that how people actually think? I usually leave my phone in my backpack and check it at 30-60 minute intervals. Man, people must think I'm a [I]dick...[/I]
The lunch date I was talking about a couple pages ago went really well. We walked around for a while and seemed to enjoy talking to each other. She's happy to do it again, so I call that a good day.
Seriously, guys, read the fucking thread title and just do that.
[QUOTE=Used Car Salesman;42621133]Wait, is that how people actually think? I usually leave my phone in my backpack and check it at 30-60 minute intervals. Man, people must think I'm a [I]dick...[/I][/QUOTE]
I keep my phone in my pocket, I feel it vibrate if there's a message / notification / whatever. I wouldn't ever keep my phone in my backpack cause I use it too much.
Glad to hear your date went well man. All the best with the next one!
Snip
I texted a friend a "How's it goin" yesterday because I haven't talked to them in a while, and have yet to get a response
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