Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=Rubs10;42620762]I don't do the "hello are you there" thing, but I still try to respond quickly, and when other people don't, especially when they just sent me a text, I suspect they're just doing exactly what you're doing because they don't want to look clingy or desperate or whatever.[/QUOTE]

Now I notice people dont do the "hello are you there anymore", except for a couple of people. I remember talking to a female friend that I know since primary school and then we wanted to catch up when I was back at my parents. I went out to help my dad with garden work, so my phone in my room. A couple hours later I come back and shes like really pissed because I didnt answer her.

So be careful about what you presume. I may do this to make it look like Im not some awkward teen who wants every human contact possible, but sometimes I am actually busy and cant reply. And in the end, people always assume the worst anyway. Oh he answered right away = hes desperate. Oh he took 3 hours to answer = hes a tryhard/cheating on me/hates me. Not necessarily.

[editline]23rd October 2013[/editline]

Oh and not only just because Im busy, sometimes Im just too lazy to reply or just forget about it.

[Boozy&Bitter]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42621436]Now I notice people dont do the "hello are you there anymore", except for a couple of people. I remember talking to a female friend that I know since primary school and then we wanted to catch up when I was back at my parents. I went out to help my dad with garden work, so my phone in my room. A couple hours later I come back and shes like really pissed because I didnt answer her.

So be careful about what you presume. I may do this to make it look like Im not some awkward teen who wants every human contact possible, but sometimes I am actually busy and cant reply. And in the end, people always assume the worst anyway. Oh he answered right away = hes desperate. Oh he took 3 hours to answer = hes a tryhard/cheating on me/hates me. Not necessarily.

[editline]23rd October 2013[/editline]

Oh and not only just because Im busy, sometimes Im just too lazy to reply or just forget about it.[/QUOTE]

Sorry, when I said "I suspect", I meant that I don't know for sure, it's just one of the possibilities.

If the people you text are like me, they'll assume you're busy or not interested in talking if you take a while to respond, and they'll end up texting you less frequently. If you are interested in talking with people, maybe it's better to respond soon and show your interest? I like it when my friends are available to talk.

[chinatown]

I mean, yeah I dont wait to reply if its a good friend of mine. Theres ´not really any point in doing it anyways. But if iÍm talking to a girl, then Ill usually wait. Then I end up not looking desperate. And they usually do the same thing if theyre not really busy I guess.

[It's crispy]

I don't know what to do with this girl I like, It's been almost a year since I've met her and we're best friends now. We hang out pretty much every other day for the entire evening after school, we work on animation and game development together and she's the closest friend I've ever had. However, I've been in love with her for as long as we've been friends and it just won't go away even after 11 months, unlike that regular kind of infatuation which doesn't last that long.

The problem is, she's gay. Or at least, she probably is. It hasn't ever come up when we hang out because we don't talk much about love but she does have a long-time internet girlfriend and once or twice she's mentioned something she finds cute in a girl (masculine features like a boyish name or a deep voice), she herself is really feminine (and adorable).

The thing is, for some reason when she's around me she almost always refers to her girlfriend as just her "friend". I don't know why. She also kind of avoids mentioning her, only talking about it if it has to do with something else like "I was watching movie streams online yesterday with my friend and...". Once or twice I've found an indirect message to (probably) me from her girlfriend saying stuff like "creepy guy leave my gf alone shes MINE U PENIS FUCKR" left on her steam page or on the bulletin board in her animal crossing town. I don't know what or how much she tells her girlfriend about me, but I guess with how close we are it's a bit understandable that she might get jealous. I just wish I could know what's going on. I know it's rude to doubt someone's sexuality but I think the whole lesbian thing might just be something she told herself because she's really, really shy and used to be (and kind of still is I guess, other than me) scared of guys.

For some reason she never mentions anything about her circle of internet friends (which her girlfriend is a part of) to me. Of course, I don't demand she does and I'm not saying she has to but she knows about all of my internet friends and who I talk to while she keeps hers secret, it's almost like she's trying to live a double life or something. I realize I may sound overly intrusive when I say it like this but that isn't at all what I mean. We do so much together and are so close that it just feels a bit weird that she's keeping so much away from me (to clarify, her circle of internet friends is pretty much her entire social life. She doesn't have any friends that she talks to outside of school other than me).

We're really physically close, we hug and touch each other all of the time when we hang out. Even though she usually stays at my house until really late at night she has never stayed overnight just because she lives just about a 1-2 minute walk away from me, so her sleeping at home is just more convenient. I always walk her home, though. I kind of wish she'd stay here overnight sometime so I can see her in the morning.

I've mentioned her here a few times before, but we're much closer now and shit, I just don't know what to do. I probably don't have a chance but all the secrecy kind of makes me feel like there might be something there! I think about her all of the time, I used to have a problem sleeping without watching something until falling asleep but now I can just think of her and look forward to the next time we hang out when I'm lying awake and I'll never have a nightmare. I know she really likes being with me too, planning things in advance and even skipping stuff like family get-togethers to hang out with me. I'm perfectly happy with staying her best friend (meeting her is pretty much the best thing that has happened to me in the last few years, I'm sure she'd say something similar about me) but I just kind of feel like there might be something more and I really need some clarity

[Crumpets]

-snip-

[chinatown]

both of you, find other girls.

[It's crispy]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42624513]both of you, find other girls.[/QUOTE]

I can't, that would cut into the time I spend with my best friend

So the only options are my best friend becoming my girlfriend or not having a girlfriend at all

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=Eric95;42624243]The problem is, she's gay. Or at least, she probably is. It hasn't ever come up when we hang out because we don't talk much about love but she does have a long-time internet girlfriend and once or twice she's mentioned something she finds cute in a girl (masculine features like a boyish name or a deep voice), she herself is really feminine (and adorable).[/quote]

I wouldn't automatically assume that. Most girls have great appreciation for other hot girls, even without being attracted to them sexually.

And a lot of girls seem to have bisexual tendencies too even if they sway more to the straight side.

[quote]We're really physically close, we hug and touch each other all of the time when we hang out. Even though she usually stays at my house until really late at night she has never stayed overnight just because she lives just about a 1-2 minute walk away from me, so her sleeping at home is just more convenient. I always walk her home, though. I kind of wish she'd stay here overnight sometime so I can see her in the morning.[/quote]

Don't read too much into this other than she likes spending time with you. The only way you'll know if she's interested in you for sure is if you ask her out or if you sit down and talk about it. An example; I've got a close female friend who I know isn't likely into me who does all of the above with me, and even stays over occasionally despite living round the corner.

You've got a choice :

1) Bury your infatuation and stick with being close friends
2) Ask her out
3) Talk to her about it

3) is a very risky option, moreso than the first two. As Maverick has said a lot in this thread there is no easy way to respond to someone telling you they like you unless you feel the same way; making things awkward. Personally I went with 1) and I'm quite glad I did.

[Taepodong-2]

So today I had class with that girl I borrowed notes from last week and we had a test. I ended up having to sit way on the other side of the room from her and I caught her staring over at me from pretty much the time I sat down until the test started, or at least it appeared that way. That's a pretty good sign that I should talk to her next time I see her, right?

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42625075]So today I had class with that girl I borrowed notes from last week and we had a test. I ended up having to sit way on the other side of the room from her and I caught her staring over at me from pretty much the time I sat down until the test started, or at least it appeared that way. That's a pretty good sign that I should talk to her next time I see her, right?[/QUOTE]

thinking someone's staring at you doesn't mean much. if you "caught her staring at you" that means you were staring at her to begin with
but yes go talk to her, it doesn't matter if she was staring at you or not

[Flapadar]

I'd imagine it's more likely she caught you staring at her

[editline]24th October 2013[/editline]

ninja'd

[Thelurker1234]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42625075]So today I had class with that girl I borrowed notes from last week and we had a test. I ended up having to sit way on the other side of the room from her and I caught her staring over at me from pretty much the time I sat down until the test started, or at least it appeared that way. That's a pretty good sign that I should talk to her next time I see her, right?[/QUOTE]

Did you get a smile, frown, or neutral, or what?

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Eric95;42624727]I can't, that would cut into the time I spend with my best friendSo the only options are my best friend becoming my girlfriend or not having a girlfriend at all[/QUOTE] Then your just going to have to deal with not having a girlfriend then. Shes already commited to someone else female or not.Thats an incredibly dumb hole youve shoved yourself in though. You cant rely on just one person to be your only friend forever dude.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=thelurker1234;42625255]Did you get a smile, frown, or neutral, or what?[/QUOTE]

Neutral, so that could probably mean more than one thing including the possibility that it wasn't even me she was looking at.

[Boozy&Bitter]

[QUOTE=Eric95;42624243]I don't know what to do with this girl I like, It's been almost a year since I've met her and we're best friends now. We hang out pretty much every other day for the entire evening after school, we work on animation and game development together and she's the closest friend I've ever had. However, I've been in love with her for as long as we've been friends and it just won't go away even after 11 months, unlike that regular kind of infatuation which doesn't last that long.

The problem is, she's gay. Or at least, she probably is. It hasn't ever come up when we hang out because we don't talk much about love but she does have a long-time internet girlfriend and once or twice she's mentioned something she finds cute in a girl (masculine features like a boyish name or a deep voice), she herself is really feminine (and adorable).

The thing is, for some reason when she's around me she almost always refers to her girlfriend as just her "friend". I don't know why. She also kind of avoids mentioning her, only talking about it if it has to do with something else like "I was watching movie streams online yesterday with my friend and...". Once or twice I've found an indirect message to (probably) me from her girlfriend saying stuff like "creepy guy leave my gf alone shes MINE U PENIS FUCKR" left on her steam page or on the bulletin board in her animal crossing town. I don't know what or how much she tells her girlfriend about me, but I guess with how close we are it's a bit understandable that she might get jealous. I just wish I could know what's going on. I know it's rude to doubt someone's sexuality but I think the whole lesbian thing might just be something she told herself because she's really, really shy and used to be (and kind of still is I guess, other than me) scared of guys.

For some reason she never mentions anything about her circle of internet friends (which her girlfriend is a part of) to me. Of course, I don't demand she does and I'm not saying she has to but she knows about all of my internet friends and who I talk to while she keeps hers secret, it's almost like she's trying to live a double life or something. I realize I may sound overly intrusive when I say it like this but that isn't at all what I mean. We do so much together and are so close that it just feels a bit weird that she's keeping so much away from me (to clarify, her circle of internet friends is pretty much her entire social life. She doesn't have any friends that she talks to outside of school other than me).

We're really physically close, we hug and touch each other all of the time when we hang out. Even though she usually stays at my house until really late at night she has never stayed overnight just because she lives just about a 1-2 minute walk away from me, so her sleeping at home is just more convenient. I always walk her home, though. I kind of wish she'd stay here overnight sometime so I can see her in the morning.

I've mentioned her here a few times before, but we're much closer now and shit, I just don't know what to do. I probably don't have a chance but all the secrecy kind of makes me feel like there might be something there! I think about her all of the time, I used to have a problem sleeping without watching something until falling asleep but now I can just think of her and look forward to the next time we hang out when I'm lying awake and I'll never have a nightmare. I know she really likes being with me too, planning things in advance and even skipping stuff like family get-togethers to hang out with me. I'm perfectly happy with staying her best friend (meeting her is pretty much the best thing that has happened to me in the last few years, I'm sure she'd say something similar about me) but I just kind of feel like there might be something more and I really need some clarity[/QUOTE]

First of all, no matter how close you are to a relationship, those feelings can go away if you let them go. It might be one of the worst experiences in the world, but it can happen.

Secondly, sexuality is weird, it could just be that she mostly likes women, but she might maybe could see herself with a guy, if it were someone she were close to, like you. That doesn't mean she's going to end her relationship for you, or ever actually date you. And you push the relationship, she may just draw away from you.

[It's crispy]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;42625711]Thats an incredibly dumb hole youve shoved yourself in though. You cant rely on just one person to be your only friend forever dude.[/QUOTE]

Hey, I never said I rely on her to be my only friend forever. I'm just saying I'm her only IRL friend outside of people she talks to in school and vice versa, of course that doesn't mean I won't get any new friends in the future.

[QUOTE=Rubs10;42625877]First of all, no matter how close you are to a relationship, those feelings can go away if you let them go. It might be one of the worst experiences in the world, but it can happen.

Secondly, sexuality is weird, it could just be that she mostly likes women, but she might maybe could see herself with a guy, if it were someone she were close to, like you. That doesn't mean she's going to end her relationship for you, or ever actually date you. And you push the relationship, she may just draw away from you.[/QUOTE]

I'll never let those feelings go on purpose even if there's no chance of a romantic relationship. Even if it won't lead anywhere being in love with her makes me happy.

And I see where you're coming from, I won't try to push the relationship at all. I'd never do anything that risks our friendship like that so unless something happens I'll wait until she takes the first step. If she ever does.

[zenby]

Simultaneously feeling like shit and feeling relieved right now. So there's this girl. Developed feelings for her, posted about it at the beginning of summer. I was going to ask her out and then I found out she had a boyfriend. I dropped it, just became friends. Feelings fade away, everything's fine.

Fast forward to the beginning of september, I hear from her that she's unhappy with his low level of commitment or something. All of a sudden the feelings flood back, maybe now I'll be able to ask her out.

Then for various reasons communication between us dies down (facebook breaking a bit, we're both busy etc). Just now, I got a snapchat from her and she's going on date. Which means that if I had chance because she was single for a while, I missed it. If she wasn't ever single then I still don't have a chance. Which makes me feel pretty shitty, but at the same time it's a load off my mind.

I guess I should move on now.

[vizard38]

I love/hate looking at how I used to chat with other girls. It's so cringe worthy but I'm glad that I'm through that terrible form of interaction.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Eric95;42625960]Hey, I never said I rely on her to be my only friend forever. I'm just saying I'm her only IRL friend outside of people she talks to in school and vice versa, of course that doesn't mean I won't get any new friends in the future.

I'll never let those feelings go on purpose even if there's no chance of a romantic relationship. Even if it won't lead anywhere being in love with her makes me happy.

And I see where you're coming from, I won't try to push the relationship at all. I'd never do anything that risks our friendship like that so unless something happens I'll wait until she takes the first step. If she ever does.[/QUOTE]

i think you should talk to her about all this honestly if you're as close with each other as it sounds. if you aren't just trying to glorify your feelings by saying it's ~true love~ and legitimately wouldn't mind just being friends if you knew you didn't have a chance with her, then i think she would be able to understand that. generally there's nothing wrong with just asking someone out and being rejected. even if she doesn't feel the same way, most people will take it as a compliment to know that someone is attracted to them.

but i don't think there's anything wrong with taking a few months or years off of relationships to spend time with a platonic friend, as long as you're not doing it to prove to yourself that you "love" her. if she actually is gay and isn't interested in being in a relationship with you, it doesn't matter how you feel romantically.

but yeah just talk to her about all this, you're not going to know if she's interested in you unless you actually ask if she'd want to pursue a relationship.

[editline]23rd October 2013[/editline]

also i just realized i incorrectly assumed that she was no longer in a relationship with the other girl. if she's still in a relationship talking about your feelings for her might not be a good idea, but if you aren't clear whether they're together it wouldn't hurt to ask what their situation is like.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Eric95;42625960]Hey, I never said I rely on her to be my only friend forever. I'm just saying I'm her only IRL friend outside of people she talks to in school and vice versa, of course that doesn't mean I won't get any new friends in the future.

I'll never let those feelings go on purpose even if there's no chance of a romantic relationship. Even if it won't lead anywhere being in love with her makes me happy.

And I see where you're coming from, I won't try to push the relationship at all. I'd never do anything that risks our friendship like that so unless something happens I'll wait until she takes the first step. If she ever does.[/QUOTE]

"I can't, that would cut into the time I spend with my best friendSo the only options are my best friend becoming my girlfriend or not having a girlfriend at all"
Any friend will cut into your time with her. Not all your time has to be spent with your best friend, or your SO, or anyone else for that matter.
Right now you pigeonholing yourself down to, "she will date me, or I will die alone" and refuse to date anyone else.
Can you at least see where that seems a bit silly from at least? Entirely up to you, theres no harm in not going for a relationship thats just a bit of an odd reason if you want one.

Anyway I agree with Mannly, if you really need to just talk to her about it. Probably a bit awkward since she is currently in a relationship and your basically going to be suggesting you two get together but if your really that close hopefully she will understand and it should get the air properly cleared.

[Fingers!!!]

I never posted here before because my two exs are boys, so you know, yeah, but today is different, I'm into a girl.
I met her through a friend, first saw her on an anime convention, nothing much happened besides eating and such, because well, she had two sisters and a brother over.
Fast forward two days and we went to the theater, along with one of her sisters and a couple, this couple being the friend whom presented her to me and his girlfriend. Nothing happened again because of her sister, damn. At first I thought she was using her family to protect herself against me, but today I noticed something I did wrong, that I had never made my intentions clear per se, just minor sex talk and such, things you'd do with a friend. I went full retard on her and told her how I liked her, and how I wanted stuff to become bigger between us etc etc, she told me I caught her by surprise and that she needs time to think about it. What does this mean? Is this good? :v: She also asked me if we could stay as friends and keep playing video-games etc, but I opposed and told her that I'd never ever be able to look at her the same, as a friend, ever, and if that somehow happened, I'd only be hurting myself. She still asked for some time.
Talked with her a little bit before she went to sleep, and she called me an idiot for thinking that she'd stop talking to me just because of what I did.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Fingers!!!;42627290]I never posted here before because my two exs are boys, so you know, yeah, but today is different, I'm into a girl.
I met her through a friend, first saw her on an anime convention, nothing much happened besides eating and such, because well, she had two sisters and a brother over.
Fast forward two days and we went to the theater, along with one of her sisters and a couple, this couple being the friend whom presented her to me and his girlfriend. Nothing happened again because of her sister, damn. At first I thought she was using her family to protect herself against me, but today I noticed something I did wrong, that I had never made my intentions clear per se, just minor sex talk and such, things you'd do with a friend. I went full retard on her and told her how I liked her, and how I wanted stuff to become bigger between us etc etc, she told me I caught her by surprise and that she needs time to think about it. What does this mean? Is this good? :v: She also asked me if we could stay as friends and keep playing video-games etc, but I opposed and told her that I'd never ever be able to look at her the same, as a friend, ever, and if that somehow happened, I'd only be hurting myself. She still asked for some time.
Talked with her a little bit before she went to sleep, and she called me an idiot for thinking that she'd stop talking to me just because of what I did.[/QUOTE]

so you gave her an ultimatum and said either date me or i won't be your friend
of course she's taking her time to answer. dick move.

[Fingers!!!]

If I became her friend then the inevitable would happen and I'd end up seeing another guy date her, wouldn't this be far worse than just a simple no? Wouldn't I end up being hurt?

[editline]24th October 2013[/editline]

Though it really was a dick move, hmm

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Fingers!!!;42627339]If I became her friend then the inevitable would happen and I'd end up seeing another guy date her, wouldn't this be far worse than just a simple no? Wouldn't I end up being hurt?

[editline]24th October 2013[/editline]

Though it really was a dick move, hmm[/QUOTE]

sorry but what were you expecting? "i decided i like you, either date me or i'm out!"

[editline]23rd October 2013[/editline]

like it's a crush, not a permanent state of mind. you don't have to permanently end a friendship because of something that will probably go away in a few weeks.

[Fingers!!!]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42627440]sorry but what were you expecting? "i decided i like you, either date me or i'm out!"

[editline]23rd October 2013[/editline]

like it's a crush, not a permanent state of mind. you don't have to permanently end a friendship because of something that will probably go away in a few weeks.[/QUOTE]

There's a lot more than just this though, I did say a lot of stuff which should've shown my interest on her, but she just didn't notice, I also apologized for her if I fucked up by ending something which could've been great as it was, a friendship. She called me stupid again and told me not to worry, hence "she called me an idiot for thinking that she'd stop talking to me just because of what I did.".

[Guy Mannly]

how does that have anything to do with you giving her an ultimatum and making her feel guilty about not being attracted to you?

[Rhenae]

To be honest I'd say she probably doesnt want to but isnt sure how to say it, if she is putting it off.
So now she has to weigh her options of date you even though shes not that into it or lose you as a friend.

[Fingers!!!]

Fuck, I fucked up.

[Rhenae]

I could be wrong so wait it out but yeah.

I mean at least from my perspective I wouldnt really be sure I would want to date someone who wouldnt want to be just my friend either... I mean I get how it can feel trying to be friends with someone you like but if I hadnt needed time to think the first time I probably would have after that ultimatum.
Don't want to beat you down on it or anything but just to explain how that really seems from someone elses perspective.

[Guy Mannly]

why are the waffles i just made more photogenic than i am