Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[The Robster]

Going to try to make this one short.

I'm a dude. 20 years old. Never had a girlfriend and too afraid that my relationship would fail horribly. Mostly because others whine about theirs and I don't like how my parents ended up.

As of right now, I've got no work experience because I'm taking courses right now. Don't even own a car and if I lost 25 pounds I'd probably be a really skinny prick (yeah TV had a HUGE influence on me when I was growing up and I feel Godawful for it).

Oh and let's say I actually manage to get SSI for Asperger's syndrome (if this can be related at all).

How screwed am I?

[chinatown]

youre as screwed up as you want to be honestly.

Either be a pussy or work your way up.

[Big Dumb Patriot]

I hate texting. The only thing texting feels appropriate for is to shoot a quick question, like "what time are we goin' out tonight?" or "Will Brad be coming with us? Because Brad is a total cunt."

If I want to have an actual conversation, I would way rather just call you. Texting feels too forced and unnatural for me to be able to get into it.

[007JamesBond007]

Guys, every single girl I want to go out with I end up being friends with. I do the whole "get to know them" thing and take it too far. I am now friends with three girls, all of which I probably have a chance with but I do not know how to do this. Help me...

[Big Dumb Patriot]

Next time, ask 'em out before you're friends. "Getting to know them" is what dates are for. Otherwise, can't you just ask out whichever one of them you dig the hardest?

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=The Robster;42653452]Going to try to make this one short.

I'm a dude. 20 years old. Never had a girlfriend and too afraid that my relationship would fail horribly. Mostly because others whine about theirs and I don't like how my parents ended up.

As of right now, I've got no work experience because I'm taking courses right now. Don't even own a car and if I lost 25 pounds I'd probably be a really skinny prick (yeah TV had a HUGE influence on me when I was growing up and I feel Godawful for it).

Oh and let's say I actually manage to get SSI for Asperger's syndrome (if this can be related at all).

How screwed am I?[/QUOTE]

As screwed as you make yourself out to be.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=007JamesBond007;42653607]Guys, every single girl I want to go out with I end up being friends with. I do the whole "get to know them" thing and take it too far. I am now friends with three girls, all of which I probably have a chance with but I do not know how to do this. Help me...[/QUOTE]

i dont think thats the problem. I think its what you say or what you ask that ends up not working

[Big D Duchovny]

[QUOTE=NoShogun;42653284]everyone's different but that's just gonna make people paranoid.

If you're texting the girl/guy you like and s/he doesn't respond instantly it's not because s/he's "not really interested in you / can't be bothered talking to you", they're probably busy

I mean I don't answer texts: in class (i wanna pay attention and learn the material), when I need to cut out distractions (eg im working on a paper), when i'm working out and don't have my phone, when I'm already having a face-to-face conversation with people, when i'm playing vidya or watching a movie, when i'm practicing guitar

not everyone is glued to their phone and it's nbd if they don't respond in a minute flat[/QUOTE]

Sometimes I don't respond simply because a chat conversation can take so much away from whatever I might be doing - I can't be in touch all the time, sometimes I just need to read shit threads on facepunch and articles about technology or whatever. Having a little time without any social interactions can be pretty nice.

[Juice_Layer]

Damn, girl I'm into no longer seems interested. Not sure what happened there. Oh well. The search continues!

[editline]26th October 2013[/editline]

Then again she has a reputation at work for never dating anyone. It all seemed to be going so well though. At least I've gained a good friend, if nothing else.

[editline]26th October 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=007JamesBond007;42653607]Guys, every single girl I want to go out with I end up being friends with. I do the whole "get to know them" thing and take it too far. I am now friends with three girls, all of which I probably have a chance with but I do not know how to do this. Help me...[/QUOTE]

I feel like this happen a lot with me too. Or I'll make a move somewhere where I go from a potential dating candidate to a friend. Not sure what does it or maybe I trick myself into thinking they'd never date me or that they liked me as more than a friend in the first place. Since you have so many girls on your plate to work with I'd say subtly flirt with them and do some one on one hang outs and try to make it somewhat evident that you're into them. Who knows, maybe one will bite.

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=Juice_Layer;42655341]Damn, girl I'm into no longer seems interested. Not sure what happened there. Oh well. The search continues!

[editline]26th October 2013[/editline]

Then again she has a reputation at work for never dating anyone. It all seemed to be going so well though. At least I've gained a good friend, if nothing else.

[editline]26th October 2013[/editline]

I feel like this happen a lot with me too. Or I'll make a move somewhere where I go from a potential dating candidate to a friend. Not sure what does it or maybe I trick myself into thinking they'd never date me or that they liked me as more than a friend in the first place. Since you have so many girls on your plate to work with I'd say subtly flirt with them and do some one on one hang outs and try to make it somewhat evident that you're into them. Who knows, maybe one will bite.[/QUOTE]

Or maybe ask one of them out for lunch or coffee and then ask them if they want to do it again and move it up to dinner or a drink and then see if you're good with each other.

Or keep up your subtle flirting and get nowhere

[Juice_Layer]

[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;42655432]Or maybe ask one of them out for lunch or coffee and then ask them if they want to do it again and move it up to dinner or a drink and then see if you're good with each other.

Or keep up your subtle flirting and get nowhere[/QUOTE]

Yes, I agree with this. Coffee is always a no brainer haha.

[vizard38]

I've been reflecting on some previous events regarding a certain girl. I don't really know how to feel about this, but I do feel stupid over the things I've done.

I'd always been infatuated with this one certain girl, and in many regards I guess I still am, but these past few months I've come to a realization. I'd always liked shorter, shy girls, and this one gal just hit the point of near perfection. For once in my life I made a conscious effort to not just go with the flow but instead to actually go and try to do something. It worked well at first.The moments of interaction I had with her were few but in complete honesty, I never was able to pierce through this veil she kept over herself and her thoughts and preferences. I stopped speaking to her and that made me very moody for a time.

But then I asked myself, was I really interested in her? I barely knew her, and I still don't know her, and yet here I was like a dog wagging its tail for a treat. Was it all just looks? I'm not sure, to most she was not the most attractive female out there, a point I would agree with to an extent.

Throughout my life, I'd always wanted to validate my existence as an individual. While I had a large group of friends, nothing differentiated me as a single persona that was meaningful. In a way, I can connect to the neckbeard groups out there to a slight extent. Here I was, pinning for the chance to be an individual worth something, and like them those were moments worth dreaming of. There comes a shy girl, someone that doesn't open up, relatively attractive, and certainly with some sort of issues. My mental need to be a hero just kicked in, more so than any sense of romanticism or attraction. I wanted to be the badass knight, the hero in a tale, the guy that always helped the gal out.

So when I boil it down, I have to ask myself, did I really find her attractive or fanciable, or was it a longing sense of wanting to self-validate my own existence? Was I interested in her as a person or as a tool to make myself feel better? It might've been a combination of all of those factors, might be something else entirely, but the things I've done as a result of this period are rather, disappointing.

I do feel aptly shitty about that though.

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=vizard38;42655573]I've been reflecting on some previous events regarding a certain girl. I don't really know how to feel about this, but I do feel stupid over the things I've done.

I'd always been infatuated with this one certain girl, and in many regards I guess I still am, but these past few months I've come to a realization. I'd always liked shorter, shy girls, and this one gal just hit the point of near perfection. For once in my life I made a conscious effort to not just go with the flow but instead to actually go and try to do something. It worked well at first.The moments of interaction I had with her were few but in complete honesty, I never was able to pierce through this veil she kept over herself and her thoughts and preferences. I stopped speaking to her and that made me very moody for a time.

But then I asked myself, was I really interested in her? I barely knew her, and I still don't know her, and yet here I was like a dog wagging its tail for a treat. Was it all just looks? I'm not sure, to most she was not the most attractive female out there, a point I would agree with to an extent.

Throughout my life, I'd always wanted to validate my existence as an individual. While I had a large group of friends, nothing differentiated me as a single persona that was meaningful. In a way, I can connect to the neckbeard groups out there to a slight extent. Here I was, pinning for the chance to be an individual worth something, and like them those were moments worth dreaming of. There comes a shy girl, someone that doesn't open up, relatively attractive, and certainly with some sort of issues. My mental need to be a hero just kicked in, more so than any sense of romanticism or attraction. I wanted to be the badass knight, the hero in a tale, the guy that always helped the gal out.

So when I boil it down, I have to ask myself, did I really find her attractive or fanciable, or was it a longing sense of wanting to self-validate my own existence? Was I interested in her as a person or as a tool to make myself feel better? It might've been a combination of all of those factors, might be something else entirely, but the things I've done as a result of this period are rather, disappointing.

I do feel aptly shitty about that though.[/QUOTE]

You saw a chick and you found her attractive so you wanted to get with her and it didn't work out.

It happens to everyone you don't need to dress it up in such dramatic prose

[chinatown]

I went out with a girl for coffee. She ended up paying for mine because I didnt have cash at the time. Get on my level

[Juice_Layer]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42655867]I went out with a girl for coffee. She ended up paying for mine because I didnt have cash at the time. Get on my level[/QUOTE]

Afterward you should have been like, "Hey, I had a great time and I was wondering if you'd like to treat me to dinner sometime?" (Obviously in a joking manner)

[Atsuimono]

I want to text this girl I like her, but I'm not sure if it would be better to tell her in four months when we can meet face to face again or text her on the phone.
If I do decide to text her, I'd like to know [URL="http://pastebin.com/P7ibQ777"]if this would be good enough to text her[/URL]
This is my first time ever telling someone I like them, so this is going to be nerve wrecking for me.
[I][B]Additional Info Out of the Wild[/B][/I]: I've known this girl for over 2 years and we had 6 Periods together in one year of middle school.

[MuffinZerg]

[QUOTE=Shaohs;42656510]I want to text this girl I like her, but I'm not sure if it would be better to tell her in four months when we can meet face to face again or text her on the phone.
If I do decide to text her, I'd like to know [URL="http://pastebin.com/P7ibQ777"]if this would be good enough to text her[/URL]
This is my first time ever telling someone I like them, so this is going to be nerve wrecking for me.[/QUOTE]

don't.

[Juice_Layer]

[QUOTE=Shaohs;42656510]I want to text this girl I like her, but I'm not sure if it would be better to tell her in four months when we can meet face to face again or text her on the phone.
If I do decide to text her, I'd like to know [URL="http://pastebin.com/P7ibQ777"]if this would be good enough to text her[/URL]
This is my first time ever telling someone I like them, so this is going to be nerve wrecking for me.[/QUOTE]

Hell no dude, definitely don't do that. That's super creepy (at least in her eyes, I can pretty much guarantee you). That's something you say in person and have to be sincere about, usually after you've been dating for a while too. I know you feel super strong in your feelings for her, but you can't do that, especially over text. I promise she'll run. You have to be somewhat brief, charming and easy to talk to. If you're not gonna see her face to face for four months just try and keep regular contact with her a few times a week, but don't overdo it. Make her want more conversations with you. If you just throw what you wrote out there, you're gonna have a bad time.

[Meller Yeller]

Welp, just got back from a six and a half hour coffee date.
Damn that girl got a mouth.

Hey Taepodong, if you're having trouble with conversations with girls, I got someone that'll make it real easy for you.

[MuffinZerg]

[QUOTE=Meller Yeller;42656806]Welp, just got back from a six and a half hour coffee date.
Damn that girl got a mouth.

Hey Taepodong, if you're having trouble with conversations with girls, I got someone that'll make it real easy for you.[/QUOTE]

Six hours of listening to a girl?

Jesus. Maybe it's just me, but I would get her to have sex with me, just to take a break from the conversation.

[Meller Yeller]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42656826]Six hours of listening to a girl?

Jesus. Maybe it's just me, but I would get her to have sex with me, just to take a break from the conversation.[/QUOTE]

The only break from the conversation was when she had to take about a 5-minute phone call from her best friend. About all she said during it was "DID HE HIT YOU?" "DON'T YOU LET HIM HIT YOU!"

[Juice_Layer]

[QUOTE=Meller Yeller;42656887]The only break from the conversation was when she had to take about a 5-minute phone call from her best friend. About all she said during it was "DID HE HIT YOU?" "DON'T YOU LET HIM HIT YOU!"[/QUOTE]

Good so you learned something, she's not okay with getting hit. Could be useful if y'all date and get into an argument. Though, that's going to make arguments really tough to win.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=Juice_Layer;42656363]Afterward you should have been like, "Hey, I had a great time and I was wondering if you'd like to treat me to dinner sometime?" (Obviously in a joking manner)[/QUOTE]

Nice one haha, maybe Ill use it when I ask her to get something next time.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42655867]I went out with a girl for coffee. She ended up paying for mine because I didnt have cash at the time. Get on my level[/QUOTE]

could've been worse. you could have been the 24 year old guy that i didn't know was 24 that i went out with when i was 18 who made me drive him to starbucks (because he didn't have a driver's license) and then turned out his empty pockets after ordering.

[chinatown]

Actually I think it was pretty good. I mean, not making someone drive me somewhere, but a coffee isnt a lot, and it kind of makes her go on a second date for me to pay her back too.

Besides, should a man really always have to pay for dates? She paid for mine, Ill pay for hers next time, we're at the same level

[Guy Mannly]

i don't think there's anything wrong with her paying, you just made it sound like you didn't realize you had money on you until after you ordered or something.

[Meller Yeller]

I do need advice on a different girl, though. We went out on two dates and everything was going great. I was... and still am super into her. But she was diagnosed with Lupus not long ago and when she ran into some money trouble a little over two weeks ago, she got really sick from the stress of it and has been in and out of the ER.

Around since when it happened, she's very unresponsive when I try to text and she won't take a call because her voice is gone at the moment. Every day I've just simply texted, you know "How are you feeling? Blah blah" and most of the time she doesn't even respond. She responded not long ago by calling me (sounding very sick) really apologetically saying that she just doesn't feel like texting and insisting she wants to see me again. (It's also been over two weeks now since we went out last)

What do I do in this situation? Do I just keep texting her that maybe once a day or so even with no response to the last? Should I do more than that? Should I just back off totally for a while? If I push the issue she just says "I'm not bothering her".
I want her to know that I'm thinking of her and didn't just bail. I don't think she's trying to cut me loose either because when I try to push the issue, she's very quick to say she wants to see me again.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Meller Yeller;42658213]I do need advice on a different girl, though. We went out on two dates and everything was going great. I was... and still am super into her. But she was diagnosed with Lupus not long ago and when she ran into some money trouble a little over two weeks ago, she got really sick from the stress of it and has been in and out of the ER.

Around since when it happened, she's very unresponsive when I try to text and she won't take a call because her voice is gone at the moment. Every day I've just simply texted, you know "How are you feeling? Blah blah" and most of the time she doesn't even respond. She responded not long ago by calling me (sounding very sick) really apologetically saying that she just doesn't feel like texting and insisting she wants to see me again. (It's also been over two weeks now since we went out last)

What do I do in this situation? Do I just keep texting her that maybe once a day or so even with no response to the last? Should I do more than that? Should I just back off totally for a while? If I push the issue she just says "I'm not bothering her".
I want her to know that I'm thinking of her and didn't just bail. I don't think she's trying to cut me loose either because when I try to push the issue, she's very quick to say she wants to see me again.[/QUOTE]

Honestly, I would stop asking how she is every day. Just say hey and chat about other stuff.
Maybe its just me but I dont think I would want to be bugged daily about how I was feeling if I was clearly feeling like crap

[Meller Yeller]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;42659008]Honestly, I would stop asking how she is every day. Just say hey and chat about other stuff.
Maybe its just me but I dont think I would want to be bugged daily about how I was feeling if I was clearly feeling like crap[/QUOTE]
Yeah I try not to reiterate the same question every day, but I definitely see your point. I guess I never thought about it that way though.

[007JamesBond007]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42653961]i dont think thats the problem. I think its what you say or what you ask that ends up not working[/QUOTE]

Well, last time I asked a girl out I got so nervous that I just ran up behind her and said "Will you go out with me" and then yelled FUCK so loud that pretty much everyone in a 10 mile radius heard.