Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Aries]

Since my exgirlfriend of three years and i broke up a months ago I've been trying to do shit to build myself up again in a social atmosphere after excluding myself from it. Last week I decided to follow through with any ideas I had (I had to think them out - obviously). I wrote a couple songs, joined a gym, went to a mad as fuck party that had people from my high school that I originally thought severely disliked me but welcomed me with a hug and cheer. So that idea worked out well, even though I was really nervous since it had been two years since I had last seen these guys. So then I decided to be super confident as fuck this week.

Had a games night with my bros consisting of pool etc., and then my best friend invited me to her friend's dinner so I could meet new people. Made some awesome friends, was invited to one of the younger girls' eighteenth birthday later this year as soon as she found out I was single, and then danced with my best friend for two hours to synths and beats that haven't changed since the late nineties. It was great. Then I went to a dinner party at a casual restaurant for my friend's boyfriend's birthday, got the number of this girl I met there and we played Kings all night until I got a lift home from this girl and her sister. Shit was cash, we texted for hours, but then she plainly said she wanted a relationship and I politely said I didn't. She was great though. Then I hopped across to this tourist island we had, thirty minutes from the mainland by ferry, to a Halloween party for backpackers, tourists, locals, and anyone who really liked to party. I was really nervous, so I decided to come up with a costume that people could approach me to talk about so I went as The Hunter That Shot Bambi's Mother. Worked like a treat, women liked my deer (lost it somewhere in the night, no idea where). But when I turned up, my friend Jessie was running really late so she told me to head in myself.

Since this island is bumfuck in the middle of nowhere I could only get reception at one corner of one of the balconies, so I stayed there waiting for her to text me when she was there. I was there for half a hour, waiting, and the entire time I was there I kept thinking that either A) I could wait for her and her boyfriend to turn up and we could have a night that was good. Or B), I could walk up to the bar, get some cash out, and talk to the nearest person and see where that led me. I realised there was nothing stopping me, thought "fuck it", and did it. I ended up having an amazing night. First person I talked to was a friend of a friend of mine, we had the best night ever, and if anyone is ever standing at a party with their phone out with closed arms making yourself inapproachable remember this: it's only as awkward as you make it. My night consisted of hanging out with two girls my age dressed as Minions from Despicable Me while we danced and made friends with this guy from Israel and became in charge of a face painting stall for fifteen minutes and painted peoples lips and found people we used to know and found my first girlfriend ever from when I was fourteen and she reminded me of the retarded shit I used to do and I did the same to her and we ended up eating pies back on the mainland at two in the morning like we had known each other our entire lives.

All because I stopped being that awkward as fuck person. I get the mentality of why this thread is called "JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT", but I made a very clear and conscious decision to get up and just fucking [I]do it[/I]. Just thought I'd share my story.

[editline]27th October 2013[/editline]

Oh, and I received a text out of the blue from one of the guys at the party I went to last weekend asking if I could sing so now I have a gig playing with his band at the uni. Yeah, just do it.

[killerteacup]

Dude I am so happy for you legit and you sound like fun to party with

if you ever end up sydney way hit me up

[Aries]

whoa you changed your avatar
i was going to be like "yeah man if i was in sydney i'd chill with killerteacup as well so i'd be keen". my old roommate now lives in sydney and i'll be visiting her in january soooooo... i guess that's settled. see you jan if you're still down!

[killerteacup]

cool beans man its summertime so I'll be off uni and drunk like all the time

[Aries]

shit yes, forgot about uni break. I'll be able to get off work way easily then, heaps of people wanting longer shifts on uni break. what're you studying at the moment?

[killerteacup]

Comp sci because i'm a turbonerde, are you at uni also

[Taepodong-2]

So I'm thinking about switching universities and I want to see if there's any logic in my reasoning for doing so.

I go to a small university, about 9000 undergrads. I don't like the small campus atmosphere. It feels like everyone knows everyone and I don't like that because that makes it harder to make friends if you're not already in the group so to speak. I want to switch to a university that's over twice as big (25,000 undergrads) because by my logic more people = better chance to find people I have things in common with.

[Meller Yeller]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42664832]So I'm thinking about switching universities and I want to see if there's any logic in my reasoning for doing so.

I go to a small university, about 9000 undergrads. I don't like the small campus atmosphere. It feels like everyone knows everyone and I don't like that because that makes it harder to make friends if you're not already in the group so to speak. I want to switch to a university that's over twice as big (25,000 undergrads) because by my logic more people = better chance to find people I have things in common with.[/QUOTE]

Both of those are true to an extent, but the nice thing about small campus is that, when you do meet people, you're going to see them around a lot more.
My school is almost a third of the size of yours and I meet new people all the time. I doubt you've ever spoken to or know anything at all about 99.9% of them.

Some of the new people I meet, yes, I've seen around for three years, but I don't know if we'd get on until I decide to communicate with them.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42664832]So I'm thinking about switching universities and I want to see if there's any logic in my reasoning for doing so.

I go to a small university, about 9000 undergrads. I don't like the small campus atmosphere. It feels like everyone knows everyone and I don't like that because that makes it harder to make friends if you're not already in the group so to speak. I want to switch to a university that's over twice as big (25,000 undergrads) because by my logic more people = better chance to find people I have things in common with.[/QUOTE]

you probably haven't even gotten to know more than 10 or 20 of those 9000 people, what makes you think your chances will change if you leave?

[zenby]

So last night this random girl from my school/art class added me and then started messaging me, "Hey!" "hi" "What's up?" "not much" and that was that. I told a friend of mine and he said that he had been talking to her at homecoming and apparently she's into me.

And apparently there was a large group conversation about me that consisted of girls talking about how much cuter I am with short hair.

So yeah I think it's time to talk to her and then do what the title says

[Kindlinho]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42664832]So I'm thinking about switching universities and I want to see if there's any logic in my reasoning for doing so...[/QUOTE]
From my experience, small groups are always better for getting to know people. I can see that on my language courses which aren't as large as regular classes. Nobody cares about a horde of unknown people on regular lessons, but it's just too awkward to come into a tiny group without saying anything. Simple "hi" suffices in the beginning.

[ardosos]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42665003]you probably haven't even gotten to know more than 10 or 20 of those 9000 people, what makes you think your chances will change if you leave?[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42664832]because that makes it harder to make friends if you're not already in the group so to speak. [/QUOTE]

???

[zukriuchen]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42664832]So I'm thinking about switching universities and I want to see if there's any logic in my reasoning for doing so.

I go to a small university, about 9000 undergrads. I don't like the small campus atmosphere. It feels like everyone knows everyone and I don't like that because that makes it harder to make friends if you're not already in the group so to speak. I want to switch to a university that's over twice as big (25,000 undergrads) because by my logic more people = better chance to find people I have things in common with.[/QUOTE]

try meeting your friends' friends

[G3rman]

So guys, I could use some advice.

I'm in University and this semester was one of our largest incoming freshmen, 25% of them were girls. That is unheard of, since generally our ratio is over 1 - 10 for girls vs guy population.

So, one of these new students is in a class with me. What started as simple online discussion through the class has changed since I invited her to discuss a project I'm working on. We got to talking for a little while about the school in general, and I wasn't expecting much since it was obvious she was sort of a quiet person and so am I, but I felt like it wasn't terribly awkward. Unfortunately, I didn't get to learn much about her and I lead the conversation for the most part.

That was on Friday, and I'm wondering what would be the best way to move to the next step of inviting her to go off campus and talk or do something fun. We see each other twice a week in class and I have her number but I'm really drawing a blank on how to proceed.

Towards the end of this week she is going to be finished with her project one way or the other, so I was thinking of inviting her to do something to celebrate. I just don't know where or what to do for it, or if that is too much.

I guess I just want to know what the next step would be from our first real 'talk' to our second one. For now, I just want to get to know her better.

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=G3rman;42666125]So guys, I could use some advice.

I'm in University and this semester was one of our largest incoming freshmen, 25% of them were girls. That is unheard of, since generally our ratio is over 1 - 10 for girls vs guy population.

So, one of these new students is in a class with me. What started as simple online discussion through the class has changed since I invited her to discuss a project I'm working on. We got to talking for a little while about the school in general, and I wasn't expecting much since it was obvious she was sort of a quiet person and so am I, but I felt like it wasn't terribly awkward. Unfortunately, I didn't get to learn much about her and I lead the conversation for the most part.

That was on Friday, and I'm wondering what would be the best way to move to the next step of inviting her to go off campus and talk or do something fun. We see each other twice a week in class and I have her number but I'm really drawing a blank on how to proceed.

Towards the end of this week she is going to be finished with her project one way or the other, so I was thinking of inviting her to do something to celebrate. I just don't know where or what to do for it, or if that is too much.

I guess I just want to know what the next step would be from our first real 'talk' to our second one. For now, I just want to get to know her better.[/QUOTE]

Hello female friend are you free on this certain day and at this certain time I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to a local bistro and or cafe and or coffee shop to consume nutrients and or caffeine based drink.

or

ey girl u want sum fuk?

[G3rman]

Is coffee always the go to?

[RainbowStalin]

Its a good casual environment that you can use to learn more about someone in, asking someone straight out to dinner or a drink is a bit fast.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Ardosos;42665423]???[/QUOTE]

so what makes you think that people in a big university are less likely to adapt and find friends there than people in a small one? it's common for friends to sign up for classes together. if people go to uni not knowing anyone there they start making friends. i highly doubt there are many people who have been sitting around alone for the past 3 months of the semester and not interacting with anyone just waiting for some tool to come along and hit on them.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;42665632]try meeting your friends' friends[/QUOTE]

I honestly don't even know if I have friends anymore. I never hang out with them and hardly ever see them around. And I'm realizing that I have absolutely nothing in common with any of them.

[TehMentos]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42667515]I honestly don't even know if I have friends anymore.[/QUOTE]

If you behave the same way that you do here, on Facepunch, I wouldn't be surprised.
You've been given all the advice the thread has to offer, yet it seems you're only here to remind us how miserable your life is.

Who the fuck wants a friend who whines about his life constantly and when he is actually offered advice by nice people [u]who go out of their way just to help[/u], they're simply ignored.

It just seems to me you love feeling sorry for yourself.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42664832]So I'm thinking about switching universities and I want to see if there's any logic in my reasoning for doing so.

I go to a small university, about 9000 undergrads. I don't like the small campus atmosphere. It feels like everyone knows everyone and I don't like that because that makes it harder to make friends if you're not already in the group so to speak. I want to switch to a university that's over twice as big (25,000 undergrads) because by my logic more people = better chance to find people I have things in common with.[/QUOTE]

Your going to university for an education not to make friends. Yes social life is an important part of schooling, but dont pick solely based on that. Go to a school with good profs and classes, and if you do decide to switch try to pick somewhere you can get your credits transfered so your year here isnt an entire waste of money.

Priorities dude.

[Hunter-AP]

Does it mean anything if a girl randomly texts you throughout the day? Sometimes it's about some nonsense going on, like her friends screwing around and being ridiculous, and sometimes it's really deep, depressing things.
I feel like I'm friendzoned, hardcore.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;42667921]Your going to university for an education not to make friends. Yes social life is an important part of schooling, but dont pick solely based on that. Go to a school with good profs and classes, and if you do decide to switch try to pick somewhere you can get your credits transfered so your year here isnt an entire waste of money.

Priorities dude.[/QUOTE]

Well the thing is I originally picked this school because I wanted to be a teacher and it's the best school for that in Canada but I'm not doing that anymore so I really have no reason to be here anymore over one of the bigger schools. Like you said, your social life is an important aspect of school and I really don't think I'm going to have that here. But changing schools might not even help so who knows what I should do.

[NoShogun]

[QUOTE=G3rman;42667058]Is coffee always the go to?[/QUOTE]

It's good because it's low-key and low-pressure and almost everyone likes coffee. First time spending time with someone is important to be chill

speaking of which: A few weeks ago, on fall break, pretty much everyone on my campus left for the long weekend and there was nothing to do. I texted this one girl who's from way outta state who I knew didn't leave and we ended up seeing a film together out of boredom and we actually hit it off. We walked back to her place and hung out till way late and then she's all "oh I don't wanna make you walk home in the cold... just stay with me" so of course I spent the night Edit: I should also add that I didn't make a move on her b/c first time hangin out, but I don't think sharing the same bed (when her roommate's bed was unoccupied) is a normal "just friends" gesture but idk
but now when I ask her if she wants to do something, she's always busy. But then she tells me that she's free X day and that we should totally do something then. To be fair, I have a habit of only making plans last-minute.
If she just said "i'm busy" i'd take the hint, but she keeps saying to do something on another specific day so she might actually be busy but want to meet up. Opinions, FP?

[biccboi]

What we're saying is that you should take the amount of people in the schools out of the equation, if you can't do anything with your current situation you most likely won't in the new school

[NoShogun]

in Taepodong's defense, the college I go to now is small and very fraternity-focused and it really can be hard to get integrated past the first few weeks. Freshman especially are very high-schoolish about their friend groups.

But transferring schools isn't a good idea unless there's a specific reason why you both dislike the place you're in now and like the place you're going to transfer to. This coming from someone who has been heavily considering it. It's a lot more mucking around than you think and socially you start over from square 1 unless you already know people.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=NoShogun;42668504]socially you start over from square 1 unless you already know people.[/QUOTE]

I'd honestly rather start over from square one in a big school where I don't know anyone than not knowing anyone and already having a reputation of being weird and antisocial in a small school.

[editline]27th October 2013[/editline]

Also the school I'm thinking of going to has clubs I actually would want to join which means I'd have social things to do.

[killerteacup]

You don't have a reputation you just think you do because you're scared of talking to people

[thisispain]

in reality no-one really cares

[NoShogun]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42668580]I'd honestly rather start over from square one in a big school where I don't know anyone than not knowing anyone and already having a reputation of being weird and antisocial in a small school.

[editline]27th October 2013[/editline]

Also the school I'm thinking of going to has clubs I actually would want to join which means I'd have social things to do.[/QUOTE]

Yeah if you're going to do that remember that you have to act differently than you did in the first school. You have to get over your fear (easier said than done, trust me I know) and get out there. A new school isn't gonna fix your problems.

It's like getting a new canvas: you can make something good out of it but only if you're decent at painting.