Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[jobizzle]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42675510]I would say if the only thing stopping you is the fact that she has a boyfriend - try it.[/QUOTE]

Try it as in ask her out?

Give me a couple of weeks to get my shit together lol.

[MuffinZerg]

[QUOTE=jobizzle;42675547]Try it as in ask her out?

Give me a couple of weeks to get my shit together lol.[/QUOTE]

Expand communication - don't ask her out right away. It's different to when dealing with a free girl. She is not seeking a new relationship and asking her out will be treatened as an attack on her relationship. Instead try to get close to her. See if you two match.
If you do, you two will be together.
Just one thing - put in your head that you want to communicate with her, not become her bf. At least that's what she should think for some time.

One important advice. If you become her friend and once she comes to you talking about how her boyfriend lied/cheated/is a jerk, don't go 'LOOK AT ME I AM A BETTER BOYFRIEND'.

[chinatown]

Yeah, why not. Unless shes really in love with him or whatever, then I wouldnt really bother because it ends up being worse than better I guess. But who knows, go for it

[jobizzle]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42675626]Expand communication - don't ask her out right away. It's different to when dealing with a free girl. She is not seeking a new relationship and asking her out will be treatened as an attack on her relationship. Instead try to get close to her. See if you two match.
If you do, you two will be together.
Just one thing - put in your head that you want to communicate with her, not become her bf. At least that's what she should think for some time.

One important advice. If you become her friend and once she comes to you talking about how her boyfriend lied/cheated/is a jerk, don't go 'LOOK AT ME I AM A BETTER BOYFRIEND'.[/QUOTE]

Okay, I will do my best.

[Meller Yeller]

My opinion on that is, and always will be, just don't bother.

There's plenty of other people who aren't taken to try out. It's not worth the effort of trying to "compete" when, most of the time, there's no chance there in the first place. It's more time-consuming for what's essentially the same reward otherwise.

[Rhenae]

Dunno about everyone else but when I'm in a relationship my brain entirely stops processing other people as potential relationships.
Everyone is auto friendzoned :v:

It makes more sense to me anyway to go after someone single, I mean sure be her friend and all but dont do it just to try to get a relationship with her, because its pretty unlikely. You'll have a lot better chances looking for someone who is actually available.

[MuffinZerg]

That guys feels something towards that girl. He can't force himself into loving someone else so it doesn't matter if there are other "free" people. He wants that one girl and I think he should at least try to get her.

[Meller Yeller]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42676549]That guys feels something towards that girl. He can't force himself into loving someone else so it doesn't matter if there are other "free" people. He wants that one girl and I think he should at least try to get her.[/QUOTE]

Maybe I'm just weird, but when I had a crush on a girl I knew was taken, I could easily direct that towards someone else by taking the initiative to go after other girls who were available. Although, it doesn't feel like it at first, I know.

And many of them, like Rhenae, have that same monogamous mindset. You're basically just setting yourself up for a harder fall by not trying to get over her in my opinion.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;42676523]Dunno about everyone else but when I'm in a relationship my brain entirely stops processing other people as potential relationships.
Everyone is auto friendzoned :v:

It makes more sense to me anyway to go after someone single, I mean sure be her friend and all but dont do it just to try to get a relationship with her, because its pretty unlikely. You'll have a lot better chances looking for someone who is actually available.[/QUOTE]

same here. i think i'm mistaken to be more flirtatious when i'm in a relationship than when i'm single just because the thought of being romantically involved with whoever i'm around isn't on my mind at all

if you ask out a girl who's in a relationship and she's actually cool with it and doesn't see it as disrespectful then you're probably going to hold on to her for about as long as the last guy did

[editline]28th October 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42676549]That guys feels something towards that girl. He can't force himself into loving someone else so it doesn't matter if there are other "free" people. He wants that one girl and I think he should at least try to get her.[/QUOTE]

i wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason he's attracted to her is because she's unavailable and not acting interested.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42676549]That guys feels something towards that girl. He can't force himself into loving someone else so it doesn't matter if there are other "free" people. He wants that one girl and I think he should at least try to get her.[/QUOTE]

because you cant control true love, and its a wild game

please, if he goes talk to some other girl, hell get over with it

[MuffinZerg]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42676666]

i wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason he's attracted to her is because she's unavailable and not acting interested.[/QUOTE]

That might be. Can't say for sure though.

[jobizzle]

I like her, i've tried to get an interest in other girls but its difficult, I can't get her off my mind and it wouldn't be fair to date someone else while I still have feelings for her.

I've had girlfriends before who I kind of settled with and it didn't make either of us very happy, I don't want to settle again really.

[editline]28th October 2013[/editline]

oh and I found her appealing since before I knew she had a boyfriend.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=jobizzle;42677299]I like her, i've tried to get an interest in other girls but its difficult, I can't get her off my mind and [B]it wouldn't be fair to date someone else while I still have feelings for her. [/B]

I've had girlfriends before who I kind of settled with and it didn't make either of us very happy, I don't want to settle again really.

[editline]28th October 2013[/editline]

oh and I found her appealing since before I knew she had a boyfriend.[/QUOTE]

youre not cheating on anyone

[jobizzle]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42677463]youre not cheating on anyone[/QUOTE]

doesn't make it okay in my opinion.

[skynrdfan3]

In our Freshman Intro class (easy A bs) our teacher had us all take the Bryer Miggs personality test and get into groups of personality types we were similar with. Out of 25 people, 5 of us were introverts.

5 introverts put in a group solely because they are introverts. Def the most awkward class group I've been in.

[MuffinZerg]

[QUOTE=skynrdfan3;42677721]In our Freshman Intro class (easy A bs) our teacher had us all take the Bryer Miggs personality test and get into groups of personality types we were similar with. Out of 25 people, 5 of us were introverts.

5 introverts put in a group solely because they are introverts. Def the most awkward class group I've been in.[/QUOTE]

This is retarded.

So 20 extraverts shouting at eachother while no one produces any ideas and 5 awkward people full of ideas and spagetti?

[skynrdfan3]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42677761]This is retarded.

So 20 extraverts shouting at eachother while no one produces any ideas and 5 awkward people full of ideas and spagetti?[/QUOTE]

Exactly. My teacher definitely did not think this out.

Probably because she is extremely extroverted.

Bonus activity everyone post their Briggs Myer type so we can see what types the FP Social Advice thread consists of. INTP here.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=jobizzle;42677471]doesn't make it okay in my opinion.[/QUOTE]

its an not ok opinion? why?

[jobizzle]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42678029]its an not ok opinion? why?[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't feel good in a relationship while I still have feelings for someone else, nor would the other person, so what would be the point. It might not be as bad as cheating but cheating isn't the only thing you can do wrong in a relationship.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=skynrdfan3;42677824]Exactly. My teacher definitely did not think this out.

Probably because she is extremely extroverted.

Bonus activity everyone post their Briggs Myer type so we can see what types the FP Social Advice thread consists of. INTP here.[/QUOTE]

INTJ here.

[editline]28th October 2013[/editline]

[quote] Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.[/quote]

Sounds about right to me.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=jobizzle;42678341]I wouldn't feel good in a relationship while I still have feelings for someone else, nor would the other person, so what would be the point. It might not be as bad as cheating but cheating isn't the only thing you can do wrong in a relationship.[/QUOTE]

you only develop "these feelings" because you feel needy and theres no other girls you see as potential mates. I know what you mean though, I had this feeling back in high school when I was obsessed with this girl, that if I tried to do something with another girl, I was somehow "cheating" on her and myself, even though if I did get someone, which I ended up doing, Id forget about her, and it would be the same thing for her anyway, she didnt give a fuck if I stayed single or started dating someone else. I missed a lot of chances to get together with other girls and thats why Im saying its overall a stupid idea to have

[editline]28th October 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=skynrdfan3;42677824]Exactly. My teacher definitely did not think this out.

Probably because she is extremely extroverted.

Bonus activity everyone post their Briggs Myer type so we can see what types the FP Social Advice thread consists of. INTP here.[/QUOTE]

I did that test a couple of years ago, when I was an introverted shit. Results came out and I was like "Oh, this is fairly accurate, and I guess this is what Im supposed to be and what Im stuck with, no chance to change because thats cheating on myself like society says, oh well"

I dont like it now. I didnt truly know myself back then and it kind of limited my mentality.

[Krinkels]

[QUOTE=skynrdfan3;42677721]In our Freshman Intro class (easy A bs) our teacher had us all take the Bryer Miggs personality test and get into groups of personality types we were similar with. Out of 25 people, 5 of us were introverts.

5 introverts put in a group solely because they are introverts. Def the most awkward class group I've been in.[/QUOTE]

Okay, I'm not really all that familiar with psychology and that stuff, but are Myers-Briggs personality tests really that accurate? Aren't they like horoscopes or something, where people think it works since it agrees with how they see themselves?
And what about the term introvert? A quick read of the first two paragraphs of the Wikipedia article says that it doesn't mean the same thing in personality tests and regular conversation. I guess this point is moot since everyone turned out to be really awkward anyway, but perhaps everyone thinking the others are awkward, introverted people might have affected things.
If anything, when someone asks me to take a personality test it's pretty much exactly like one of those 'Which celebrity are you most like' or 'where are you on the political spectrum' quizzes, just a fun little activity thing. I don't think it was necessarily a bad idea at all to put you five in a group.

[jobizzle]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42679049]you only develop "these feelings" because you feel needy and theres no other girls you see as potential mates. I know what you mean though, I had this feeling back in high school when I was obsessed with this girl, that if I tried to do something with another girl, I was somehow "cheating" on her and myself, even though if I did get someone, which I ended up doing, Id forget about her, and it would be the same thing for her anyway, she didnt give a fuck if I stayed single or started dating someone else. I missed a lot of chances to get together with other girls and thats why Im saying its overall a stupid idea to have

[editline]28th October 2013[/editline]

I did that test a couple of years ago, when I was an introverted shit. Results came out and I was like "Oh, this is fairly accurate, and I guess this is what Im supposed to be and what Im stuck with, no chance to change because thats cheating on myself like society says, oh well"

I dont like it now. I didnt truly know myself back then and it kind of limited my mentality.[/QUOTE]

Yeah okay, I don't want to see dating as a Darwinian struggle to reproduce. If this girl turns me down i'll wait a while until I get to know someone else I like, not desperate enough to settle with the next girl I see.

I'm not closing my mind against the possibility of going out with other people, its just that genuinely no one else is really doing it for me at the moment. Hopefully that will change if my chances are poor with this girl.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Krinkels;42679176]Okay, I'm not really all that familiar with psychology and that stuff, but are Myers-Briggs personality tests really that accurate? Aren't they like horoscopes or something, where people think it works since it agrees with how they see themselves?[/QUOTE]

the point of the myers-briggs test is to help people find career paths that are suitable for their personality. using it for any other purpose is pretty extreme, and it shouldn't be used as a pretext for personality so much as a starting point for what career paths to consider.

as for introvert vs extrovert, the main difference is in how you recharge. introverts will feel exhausted after being in a social environment for a long time and need to recharge by being on their own for a bit. extroverts recharge by being around others. it has nothing to do with social skills or shyness - being shy isn't the same thing as being introverted, and shy people can be extroverted.

[FreyasFighter]

[QUOTE=Aries;42648854]Don't just plain out tell him you have feelings for him; actively show it. Ask him out to dinner, thank him for having a wonderful time, that sort of thing. Kiss him on the door step if you get the right feel. These are some of the things you do to show someone you are interested in them, and chances are that if they want to go out to dinner/movie/show/live music/anything with you then they're interested in you!

Give it a try, it'll work a thousand times better than just outright saying "HEY I THINK ABOUT YOU REGULARLY". It means you don't have to work your way up to telling him, and it means he can tell you in his own way. Ie. The point of a date.

Give it a try![/QUOTE]

Dude, I wrote him a letter to say thank you for being such a good human being and lifting me away from the bad stuff a few months ago. I have added to it this morning at the end that I have a crush on him, and if he doesn't feel the same way, then I will understand. As long as our friendship won't be ruined over that. I've hidden it in his room for him to find haha. But he doesn't know that I had it with me anyway, nor does he know that I've stashed it somewhere in his room. To be honest I think he has forgotten all about me telling him about this letter.
I'm so scared, but excited at the same time. I've never asked someone out before. *fingers crossed* hope it goes well...

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42679634]the point of the myers-briggs test is to help people find career paths that are suitable for their personality. using it for any other purpose is pretty extreme, and it shouldn't be used as a pretext for personality so much as a starting point for what career paths to consider.

as for introvert vs extrovert, the main difference is in how you recharge. introverts will feel exhausted after being in a social environment for a long time and need to recharge by being on their own for a bit. extroverts recharge by being around others. it has nothing to do with social skills or shyness - being shy isn't the same thing as being introverted, and shy people can be extroverted.[/QUOTE]

I personally find it childish, this whole "introvert extrovert" thing. And more stupid when I see some image out there of a cartoon talking about "we introverts need this and that and you extroverts should respect us", like if they were a whole different species with different needs.

I used to call myself an introvert, now I dont call myself anything. Theres times I react like an introvert, theres times I react like an extrovert. I used to call myself an introvert because I never tried to do anything outside my comfort zone, so I never needed to be louder or more sociable. But then I started going out my comfort zone. Now I can be a quiet guy cold off the bed and all, or I can be that guy thats talking to other people all the time.

What I want to say is what I said again above: Its not about what category a person fits, because then theyll try to get even better at what they do. Its about what people are and no category or test can predict anything. Not even jobs. Im not gonna let some test tell me what job I should be doing for the rest of my life. If it was up to me, Id throw all that bullshit out the window

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;42679671]Dude, I wrote him a letter to say thank you for being such a good human being and lifting me away from the bad stuff a few months ago. I have added to it this morning at the end that I have a crush on him, and if he doesn't feel the same way, then I will understand. As long as our friendship won't be ruined over that. I've hidden it in his room for him to find haha. But he doesn't know that I had it with me anyway, nor does he know that I've stashed it somewhere in his room. To be honest I think he has forgotten all about me telling him about this letter.
I'm so scared, but excited at the same time. I've never asked someone out before. *fingers crossed* hope it goes well...[/QUOTE]

not sure about this

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=jobizzle;42679229]Yeah okay, I don't want to see dating as a Darwinian struggle to reproduce. If this girl turns me down i'll wait a while until I get to know someone else I like, not desperate enough to settle with the next girl I see.

I'm not closing my mind against the possibility of going out with other people, its just that genuinely no one else is really doing it for me at the moment. Hopefully that will change if my chances are poor with this girl.[/QUOTE]

Well as long as you know that you shouldnt stick to just one girl.
And honestly Im kind of in the same situation. Ive been seeing this girl who has a boyfriend, and even though I would like to start something with her, chances are nothing is going to come out of this. And since Im busy most of the time I cant meet that many new people, but everytime I catch myself thinking about her, I just stress how I need to start meeting other girls so I dont turn out obsessed about her.

[Nikeos]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42680048]I personally find it childish, this whole "introvert extrovert" thing. And more stupid when I see some image out there of a cartoon talking about "we introverts need this and that and you extroverts should respect us", like if they were a whole different species with different needs.

I used to call myself an introvert, now I dont call myself anything. Theres times I react like an introvert, theres times I react like an extrovert. I used to call myself an introvert because I never tried to do anything outside my comfort zone, so I never needed to be louder or more sociable. But then I started going out my comfort zone. Now I can be a quiet guy cold off the bed and all, or I can be that guy thats talking to other people all the time.

What I want to say is what I said again above: Its not about what category a person fits, because then theyll try to get even better at what they do. Its about what people are and no category or test can predict anything. Not even jobs. Im not gonna let some test tell me what job I should be doing for the rest of my life. If it was up to me, Id throw all that bullshit out the window
[/QUOTE]

but.. extroverts and introverts are two different categories which different kinds of people fit in. all it is, is how a person gains/drains their energy. it literally has nothing to do with how you act, at all

introverts and extroverts do absolutely need different things in life. i am completely drained from extended social contact, but that doesn't mean i don't enjoy it or that im not outgoing

edit: also the myers-brigg personality test doesn't tell you what you need to be doing with your life. it's just a personality test that gives you some ideas of careers that may be enjoyable for you. not everybody knows what they want to do.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42680048]I personally find it childish, this whole "introvert extrovert" thing. And more stupid when I see some image out there of a cartoon talking about "we introverts need this and that and you extroverts should respect us", like if they were a whole different species with different needs.

I used to call myself an introvert, now I dont call myself anything. Theres times I react like an introvert, theres times I react like an extrovert. I used to call myself an introvert because I never tried to do anything outside my comfort zone, so I never needed to be louder or more sociable. But then I started going out my comfort zone. Now I can be a quiet guy cold off the bed and all, or I can be that guy thats talking to other people all the time.[/QUOTE]

i think you skimmed over the part where i said introversion and shyness/antisocialness aren't the same thing. all that introverted means is that you need to spend time alone to recharge. it's not telling you how to live your life or whatever conspiracy theory you've gotten out of this. usually generalizations are bad but introversion versus extroversion is a pretty binary thing and there's nothing harmful about telling people that just because you don't enjoy being around others doesn't mean you're socially inept compared to someone who enjoys socializing.

[chinatown]

I mean I dont like how people limit themselves to what they got in a test, and use it as an excuse or something. Who knows if people need different times to recharge? Is that a defined number? Or is it just something that you get better at after a while? Like running, gaining stamina. Social stamina? I may be relying too much on my personal experiences, but again, I value it and I think I learned a lot from what I did.

[Guy Mannly]

is that the fault of the test itself or the person?

the field of psychology has plenty of benefits, just because something categorizes people and gives them advice based on that doesn't make it inherently bad.