Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[chinatown]

No, it has its good side of course. Each person is different and to put them in categories makes the whole thing easier to access their problems and whatnot, so Im not saying that its bad.

What Im saying is that one should not limit its beliefs to the test. Like "oh this is what I got, I cant get past this because the test told me so", and thats why I generally dislike them.

[Aries]

On the previous subject of asking people in a relationship out my viewpoint is that it's so unbelievably wrong. Imagine you're dating a girl or boy and you've been together for two years; you trust your partner to go out with the opposite gender because you look at other people the way they do as well: just not interested. Mutual trust. But then someone has an alternate reason for going to lunch with them that isn't just friendship, you both think it is, but once it comes out it creates strife and you really have to ask your partner if they knew it was like that, why did they go out if they could feel it a little, that sort of thing. And then if you actually manage to succeed in driving the two people apart - congratulations on ruining what was previously a good thing before you came along! Even if they are having fights, it's just not your business and you trying to weasel your way in there makes you a really bad guy. And then, even if all "goes to plan", you're still dating a person who will happily forget about you until someone else comes along.

It's not a situation that's really happened to me. I'm not saying any of these things are like the situation that was being discussed, but when you ask out someone in a relationship you're doing nothing but causing problems in someone's life and even if you succeed you'll be unhappy. So just, no. Don't do it. They've already turned you down by deciding on someone else.

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;42679671]Dude, I wrote him a letter to say thank you for being such a good human being and lifting me away from the bad stuff a few months ago. I have added to it this morning at the end that I have a crush on him, and if he doesn't feel the same way, then I will understand. As long as our friendship won't be ruined over that. I've hidden it in his room for him to find haha. But he doesn't know that I had it with me anyway, nor does he know that I've stashed it somewhere in his room. To be honest I think he has forgotten all about me telling him about this letter.
I'm so scared, but excited at the same time. I've never asked someone out before. *fingers crossed* hope it goes well...[/QUOTE]
Good luck!

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42675626]Expand communication - don't ask her out right away. It's different to when dealing with a free girl. She is not seeking a new relationship and asking her out will be treatened as an attack on her relationship. Instead try to get close to her. See if you two match.
If you do, you two will be together.
Just one thing - put in your head that you want to communicate with her, not become her bf. At least that's what she should think for some time.

One important advice. If you become her friend and once she comes to you talking about how her boyfriend lied/cheated/is a jerk, don't go 'LOOK AT ME I AM A BETTER BOYFRIEND'.[/QUOTE]

what the fuck this is the most scheming way to get to know someone. How about find someone who is potentially looking to go out with someone (aka single), say "hey, what's up?", develop a conversation and then ask to have coffee or something low key some time. See where that goes instead of covertly masking your feelings and being psychologically manipulative.

[CyanLime]

tbh if i knew some creep was trying to manipulate my girlfriend into leaving me for him i'd probably bash his head in.

don't be that creep.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;42675626]Expand communication - don't ask her out right away. It's different to when dealing with a free girl. She is not seeking a new relationship and asking her out will be treatened as an attack on her relationship. Instead try to get close to her. See if you two match.
If you do, you two will be together.
Just one thing - put in your head that you want to communicate with her, not become her bf. At least that's what she should think for some time.

One important advice. If you become her friend and once she comes to you talking about how her boyfriend lied/cheated/is a jerk, don't go 'LOOK AT ME I AM A BETTER BOYFRIEND'.[/QUOTE]

What the fuck, no dude
no

[biccboi]

[04:32:26] disseminate: are you gay
[04:32:27] tpain: *shurgs* "sure"

[thisispain]

oh wow that chat must be a real wild party

[Emugod]

Well, got stood up twice by the same girl. Should have probably expected it after the first time, but what the hell, tried anyway. The first girl I actually sought a relationship with, too. Fuck bitches. Whatever, shit happens. Guess I'll have to go after all two of the other girls at my university.

[CyanLime]

[QUOTE=Emugod;42682456]Guess I'll have to go after all two of the other girls at my university.[/QUOTE]

hope you're an alpha-tron 3000 because this sounds like a lost cause otherwise

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

don't limit yourself to uni girls, and don't make it your ultimate goal to have a girlfriend either.

wait for someone who really interests you to come along

[NoShogun]

Oh my goodness Emu, if Maverick were still here he'd have a field day.

But yeah, ultimately just try to get out of your uni and meet some locals. Or join some different clubs to meet people. You might surprise yourself.

Don't go looking for a girlfriend. Go looking for people who will positively impact your life (aka friends) and if you happen to be attracted to them, go from there.

[Rhenae]

I am a ISTP ( Description here: [url]http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTP.html[/url] ) my BF is INFJ (description here: [url]http://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html[/url])

I find it really interesting having looked at that again to see how we are the same and different, and how there were parts of it we didn't see ourselves as much but each other would point to and say "thats you", like this part in mine:
[QUOTE]They do not pay attention to their own feelings, and even distrust them and try to ignore them, because they have difficulty distinguishing between emotional reactions and value judgments. This may be a problem area for many ISTPs.[/QUOTE]
I looked at that bit and though "ehhh I dunno" and my bf when he got to that point specifically pointed it out to me as a big thing for me. :v:

If you post yours and you have an SO get them to do it too(and post results duh)! Really interesting to see how the personalities mesh :3

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Emugod;42682456]Well, got stood up twice by the same girl. Should have probably expected it after the first time, but what the hell, tried anyway. The first girl I actually sought a relationship with, too. Fuck bitches. Whatever, shit happens. Guess I'll have to go after all two of the other girls at my university.[/QUOTE]

"fuck bitches?" are you sure you didn't mean to type middle school instead of university?

[chinatown]

if you get rejected, 90% of the time its your own fault

[Aries]

[QUOTE=Emugod;42682456] Guess I'll have to go after all two of the other girls at my university.[/QUOTE] Look man the problem isn't that things don't work out because there's something wrong with them - you have systematically "narrowed down" (broaden your horizons man, I'm 100% sure there's more) the girls you want to be with and are targeting them one by one to be in a relationship with. Not because you like them, but because you crave one. You don't want any of these girls for their qualities or their values and that's an issue! People can pick up on this and that may be the source of you being stood up.

[quote] Fuck bitches. Whatever, shit happens. Guess I'll have to go after all two of the other girls at my university.[/quote]
I guarantee that if any single girl heard you call her a bitch before or after going on a date with you, they would never give you a single thought thereafter.

Finding a woman isn't a priority in life, man. I know it's hard; I've just come out of a three year relationship with someone I considered my partner, whom I had known since I was 12. There is nothing more than I want than for someone to sleep beside me at night, and yet I know that the more I "go after" something, to use your term, the less chance anything positive will happen. Instead, I'm hitting the gym, working, going places I want to and spending my time with people whose company I enjoy. If you're looking for a long term relationship, doing things like these will help you develop relations with people who can introduce you to other people, increase your confidence and enjoyment of life and help you find The One. Have no illusions, there most likely is someone out there for you. There are billions of people on this planet; the odds of there not being someone who could be compatible to you are quite low. But until you work these things out for yourself, you're not going to find her by behaving in your current mindset and only thinking of university girls as potential partners.

[BrainDeath]

the correct response to rejection straight off the bat is to start dating her best friend right

[Aries]

braindeath knows what's up.

[BrainDeath]

i've not actually read the thread i've literally done this

[Slowbro]

[QUOTE=Emugod;42682456]Well, got stood up twice by the same girl. Should have probably expected it after the first time, but what the hell, tried anyway. The first girl I actually sought a relationship with, too. [b]Fuck bitches.[/b] Whatever, shit happens. Guess I'll have to go after all two of the other girls at my university.[/QUOTE]

Suddenly I'm beginning to see why you got stood up

[Aries]

[QUOTE=BrainDeath;42684403]i've not actually read the thread i've literally done this[/QUOTE]

wait, what

[BrainDeath]

[QUOTE=Aries;42684477]wait, what[/QUOTE]

so some girl rejected me quite a long time ago and i did the thing where i didn't fucking get over it, you know - being unable to imagine yourself with anyone else - that sort of thing

so this goes on for a long while and it gets very [I]boring[/I] among other things, so eventually the rational part of me (that actually knows nothing is ever going to happen between me and her) takes action.

i've been talking to her bestie for a while (fb chat, we'd only ever met in person twice) and i guess we grew pretty close? but i'd thought nothing of it ([I]obviously[/I] she could [I]never[/I] have been as attractive as her friend).

in a moment of inspiration i realise that actually she's pretty awesome and i decide that i have to close the book with this other girl. i summon the collective moral support of all one of my friends and force myself to ask her out

the moment she says yes was basically an instant end to about 6 months of teenage angst and now we're dating

i should mention that the first thing i did when this happened was tell the first girl - she seemed pretty pleased (i wonder why?)

[Thelurker1234]

[QUOTE=Emugod;42682456]Well, got stood up twice by the same girl. Should have probably expected it after the first time, but what the hell, tried anyway. The first girl I actually sought a relationship with, too. Fuck bitches. Whatever, shit happens. Guess I'll have to go after all two of the other girls at my university.[/QUOTE]

You got bit by your friends' dog the first time, it's not your fault, you didn't know. The second time you reached out to it, it's your fault, you knew what it would do.

Also why does it have to be university girls, head to the mall or some other public area and meet some girls.

[Aries]

[QUOTE=BrainDeath;42684531]so some girl rejected me quite a long time ago and i did the thing where i didn't fucking get over it, you know - being unable to imagine yourself with anyone else - that sort of thing

so this goes on for a long while and it gets very [I]boring[/I] among other things, so eventually the rational part of me (that actually knows nothing is ever going to happen between me and her) takes action.

i've been talking to her bestie for a while (fb chat, we'd only ever met in person twice) and i guess we grew pretty close? but i'd thought nothing of it ([I]obviously[/I] she could [I]never[/I] have been as attractive as her friend).

in a moment of inspiration i realise that actually she's pretty awesome and i decide that i have to close the book with this other girl. i summon the collective moral support of all one of my friends and force myself to ask her out

the moment she says yes was basically an instant end to about 6 months of teenage angst and now we're dating

i should mention that the first thing i did when this happened was tell the first girl - she seemed pretty pleased (i wonder why?)[/QUOTE]

The way you phrased it made it sound that it was an intentional reaction to get back at someone out of malice, but given the context it sounds like you realised you might have something more than just friendship with this girl and grew some balls. Nice one, man! How long have you two been together for?

[Emugod]

Fine. I overreacted when I said "Fuck Bitches". It was fucking stupid and I'm an idiot. She just fucking pissed me off. I'm slowly coming out of a depression and trying to get into dating, because I've never had anyone in my life that made me feel loved and appreciated. All my friends are assholes and treat me like shit. So, I decided that, maybe I could find a girl to get into a relationship with. Maybe it would help me out and make me feel better about myself. And, then this girl comes along. Really fucking beautiful, really nice and friendly to me, makes me feel like I have a chance, and then she makes me feel like a piece of shit. You guys probably don't know what it's like to be in a depression and have this happen to you. But, it fucking sucks. I don't even know why I'm writing all this. Some of you guys will probably think I'm pathetic, and I probably am. I don't even know why I go on this thread. It just fuels my depression. But, I guess I just love feeling like shit.

I'm not just saying all this to get sympathy, I just need to fucking get it off my chest, because I have no one else to fucking say it to.

And, I can't branch out to the local area because I have no way to. I have no car to drive anywhere, and I'm in an industrial city with practically nothing around. University is pretty much the only place I can find anyone.

[Aries]

With your permission, I'll add you on Steam if you want someone to shoot the breeze with? I'm in Australia, so timezones get muddled up, but my best friend lives in Amsterdam and we work it out so if you're ever feeling down or want advice just hit me up! Can't do tonight, this is the last thing I'm doing before I head to bed, but if you're cool with that I think it might help. Sometimes all we need is a friendly shoulder!

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

Added you - I'm the guy with the really weird username.

[BrainDeath]

[QUOTE=Aries;42685154]The way you phrased it made it sound that it was an intentional reaction to get back at someone out of malice, but given the context it sounds like you realised you might have something more than just friendship with this girl and grew some balls. Nice one, man! How long have you two been together for?[/QUOTE]

this has literally just happened - second date is around the corner

it's also the second date of my life so y'know

and god no i'd never do something like that - there's no bad blood between us I hope, we've not been able to speak since. i don't assign fault or blame to anyone for the fact that she didn't see me in the way i wanted her to (though this includes myself - i have to have [I]some[/I]​ pride).

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

besides - antagonizing the best friend seems like a fast way to loose a date

[RayvenQ]

[QUOTE=FreyasFighter;42679671]Dude, I wrote him a letter to say thank you for being such a good human being and lifting me away from the bad stuff a few months ago. I have added to it this morning at the end that I have a crush on him, and if he doesn't feel the same way, then I will understand. As long as our friendship won't be ruined over that. I've hidden it in his room for him to find haha. But he doesn't know that I had it with me anyway, nor does he know that I've stashed it somewhere in his room. To be honest I think he has forgotten all about me telling him about this letter.
I'm so scared, but excited at the same time. I've never asked someone out before. *fingers crossed* hope it goes well...[/QUOTE]

Not only did you give him the letter you also (finally) bloody told him where it was, well done Little Bit, I'm proud of you! (Though how much fucking pushing did it take for me to get you to bloody tell him! I don't know who is the more stubborn between us!)

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42684083]if you get rejected, 90% of the time its your own fault[/QUOTE]

are you being serious

[NoShogun]

More like 90 percent of the time it's nobody's fault

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;42685580]are you being serious[/QUOTE]

yes

[BrainDeath]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42685851]yes[/QUOTE]

if we take that people are rejected because of simply who they are

and we take that there's no fault in being who you are (unless you're actually awful)

then this isn't true

[Netsui]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;42685851]yes[/QUOTE]

if flagdog is true to your nationality

what the fuck have you been doing