Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Dysentery]

you shouldn't even act different around a girl just because she's attractive, an attractive girl should be approached in the exact same fashion as an ugly girl. they're both girls and attractiveness does not magically change them to a different species that interacts differently

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42691932]stop focusing on the idea of them being a potential partner. if you go up and talk to someone do it because they look like they would be interesting to talk to, not because you want to try and convince them to date you.

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

you can't fake most things. if you're talking to someone because you want to go out with them they're going to know, and if you try and pretend that isn't the entire reason you're there it's just going to make you look like a scumbag. if someone falls for you it's going to be because they like your personality how you NATURALLY are, not because they like whatever facade you put on.[/QUOTE]

So if I'm talking to a girl because I want to potentially date her I'm supposed to ask her out on the spot then?

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42692081]So if I'm talking to a girl because I want to potentially date her I'm supposed to ask her out on the spot then?[/QUOTE]

you still don't see where you're going wrong?

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Flapadar;42692112]you still don't see where you're going wrong?[/QUOTE]

No, I don't see where I'm going wrong.

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42692122]No, I don't see where I'm going wrong.[/QUOTE]

hint: its in the quote in [url=http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1257818&p=42692112&viewfull=1#post42692112]my post above[/url]

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Flapadar;42692138]hint: its in the quote in [url=http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1257818&p=42692112&viewfull=1#post42692112]my post above[/url][/QUOTE]

I'm not supposed to talk to girls I'm attracted to? Or I'm not supposed to talk to them as potential dates?

The only reason I consider girls I don't know as potential dates is because all of my female friends have boyfriends so they're obviously not potential dates. I need to look outside of my friendship circle for that.

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

I know what you're going to say. Talk to them the same way you'd talk to your female friends with the intention of expanding your social circle, not to date them.

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42692188]I'm not supposed to talk to girls I'm attracted to? Or I'm not supposed to talk to them as potential dates?

The only reason I consider girls I don't know as potential dates is because all of my female friends have boyfriends so they're obviously not potential dates. I need to look outside of my friendship circle for that.

[editline]29th October 2013[/editline]

I know what you're going to say. Talk to them the same way you'd talk to your female friends with the intention of expanding your social circle, not to date them.[/QUOTE]

Here's a flow chart to get it through your skull

[img]http://flapadar.co.uk/img/2013-10-29-23-58-23.png[/img]

[NoDachi]

[QUOTE=Flapadar;42692570]Here's a flow chart to get it through your skull

[img]http://flapadar.co.uk/img/2013-10-29-23-58-23.png[/img][/QUOTE]

even that flow chart confuses me

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Flapadar;42692570]Here's a flow chart to get it through your skull

[img]http://flapadar.co.uk/img/2013-10-29-23-58-23.png[/img][/QUOTE]

So to love someone you need to be their friend but being their friend prevents you from loving them? That's exactly what the chart says.

[Flapadar]

[QUOTE=NoDachi;42692597]even that flow chart confuses me[/QUOTE]

I probably got the arrows the wrong way around - I've never liked flow charts / UML /etc but some people (likely tapedong) just don't understand basic logic without it.

Was trying to get the chart saying his romantic interest prevents friendship, which the lack of will prevent the interest going anywhere

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42692630]So to love someone you need to be their friend but being their friend prevents you from loving them? That's exactly what the chart says.[/QUOTE]

Was trying to get the chart saying your romantic interest prevents friendship, which the lack of will prevent the interest going anywhere

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;42687252]I wouldn't mind asking her out at some point. It just seems like it's more natural to transition to a relationship from friendship because that's how my two best friends started dating their girlfriends. Just going up to a girl and straight up asking her on a date right away just doesn't seem like the right way to do it unless you're only trying to get in her pants.[/QUOTE]

why cant you just be happy being someones friend

look dude, we've given you so much fuckin advice in this thread but at some point it has to stop. There are other people looking for advice as well and this thread is not here to hold your hand through literally every single social interaction you have on a day to day basis. everyone in this thread has given you the advice you need and instead of listening, you've wallowed in it and ignored everyone instead.

you need to see someone professional. We obviously cannot help you - we've tried and i dont think you've even begun to listen. At this point im convinced youre using this thread as a substitute for the attention you arent getting irl or something. but there are other people in this thread who need advice and arent going to be getting it because you want reinforcement every single time you interact with others. We would like to help you and we have tried our best to do so - it hasnt worked so find someone better equipped to do so

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=Mr. Bleak;42691347]Lately, I've been trying to be more assertive with people because I'm sick and tired of giving so much and getting much less in return.

I've had a few people ask me to do things for them lately, and my natural response has been a fairly neutral "no." In most cases, I'm actually busy doing things and I don't really feel too bad denying it, but at the same time I feel like the same people that used to take my willingness for granted are now distancing themselves from me because I'm doing what I want to do more.

I've been told and told again to do what I want to do, and take myself into consideration before others, but I'm a afraid that it's going to turn me into a raging dick. I guess my question is, in your guys' experience, how can you tell what the "right thing to do" is when you like the person that wants your help, but you simply don't want to go out of your way?[/QUOTE]

I used to be like that as well. I guess as my confidence grew and I got comfortable around people, I just acted my way and not for the people. I think I used to do stuff to please others too, now I just do what doesnt require effort.

Another thing is to actually ask other people to do stuff for you, and achieve some kind of balance between the investment youre giving vs the investment youre getting

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=Flapadar;42692649]
Was trying to get the chart saying your romantic interest prevents friendship, which the lack of will prevent the interest going anywhere[/QUOTE]

Oh now it makes sense. Those arrows threw me off.

I guess the best thing to do is talk to whatever girls I have crushes on and just get that shit off my chest and then don't have crushes anymore and just focus on making friends.

[Aries]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42691529]I'm 21, never had a girlfriend and never kissed but I don't give a shit because I'm a fucking badass, lost over 100 pounds in the past 2 years, I'm one of the best boxer at my gym, I lift 5 days a week every week, I learned how to play Guitar, how to juggle and I'm currently learning how to sing and dance.

All that shit without a girl ever. No one was there to crown me so I fucking crowned myself, you don't need anyone to tell you you're awesome because you already are, all you have to do is decide.[/QUOTE]
This is inspiring. All my friends are like "Don't you feel like you want another partner after your ex?

Fuck that, I'm not [I]not[/I] dating anyone on purpose; I'm just doing what I want, whenever I want, how I want, and for the moment that's totally amazing. It's everything I want. I'm going to gym four days a week, I play guitar and sing and play Saxophone.
But the bit I like best is "crown yourself". You're not king until you put the crown on your own head. And that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm saving up some money, going to travel to Europe, join the Australian Navy. Anyone I ever meet who is interested in me long term will be because they me as I am; doing all of this. Totally what a relationship should be.

Thanks, definitely going to be my new mantra.

[Jacob_sword]

So if anyone remembers that girl that wouldn't talk to me well I finally got her to talk. Shes now moving away going to her old ex and basically living with him and doing all that fun shit. And basically I was just some fucking fun toy for her so now I'm left with the first girl I ever fell in love with dumping my ass for this other dude. Honestly I always wanted a girl never had one till now in my 20s but now I could really give two shits about love. So I see myself going two ways here I could build a hard shell and so its almost impossible for me to love again or I could let go and open myself to getting hurt again. And I'm really leaning to the first thing. So what should I do? Cause I really dont want to get hurt like this ever again this has been worst three months of my life and I don't know if I could go through that again.

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Aries;42693283]This is inspiring. All my friends are like "Don't you feel like you want another partner after your ex?

Fuck that, I'm not [I]not[/I] dating anyone on purpose; I'm just doing what I want, whenever I want, how I want, and for the moment that's totally amazing. It's everything I want. I'm going to gym four days a week, I play guitar and sing and play Saxophone.
But the bit I like best is "crown yourself". You're not king until you put the crown on your own head. And that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm saving up some money, going to travel to Europe, join the Australian Navy. Anyone I ever meet who is interested in me long term will be because they me as I am; doing all of this. Totally what a relationship should be.

Thanks, definitely going to be my new mantra.[/QUOTE]

everyone should be following this mindset whether or not they're currently seeking a relationship. if you can't make yourself happy then being in a relationship isn't going to change that in the long run, and you're not going to be able to make your partner happy.

[NoShogun]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42691529]Being a loser or not has nothing to do with how early or not you date, what the fuck.

I'm 21, never had a girlfriend and never kissed but I don't give a shit because I'm a fucking badass, lost over 100 pounds in the past 2 years, I'm one of the best boxer at my gym, I lift 5 days a week every week, I learned how to play Guitar, how to juggle and I'm currently learning how to sing and dance.

All that shit without a girl ever. No one was there to crown me so I fucking crowned myself, you don't need anyone to tell you you're awesome because you already are, all you have to do is decide.

Fuck that shit about being a loser or not based on how your sex life is.[/QUOTE]

This is the best sort of pep talk I think I've ever read.

[NoDachi]

idk I don't see girls because i'm worried about being a loser

its more to do with the fact that I'm a lonely fuck

[Dysentery]

[QUOTE=Heigou;42691529]Being a loser or not has nothing to do with how early or not you date, what the fuck.

I'm 21, never had a girlfriend and never kissed but I don't give a shit because I'm a fucking badass, lost over 100 pounds in the past 2 years, I'm one of the best boxer at my gym, I lift 5 days a week every week, I learned how to play Guitar, how to juggle and I'm currently learning how to sing and dance.

All that shit without a girl ever. No one was there to crown me so I fucking crowned myself, you don't need anyone to tell you you're awesome because you already are, all you have to do is decide.

Fuck that shit about being a loser or not based on how your sex life is.[/QUOTE]

this needs to be in big red letters in the op. and on every page. this is literally the single most important thing that anyone needs to know and follow

[NoShogun]

That being said, advice on relationships is still helpful. Pretty obvious stuff but just to make sure
"sorry, i'm busy" = no, not interested
"sorry, i'm busy. how about [other day]" = I'm actually busy but I'd like to go out some other time
right?

[Jacob_sword]

[QUOTE=NoShogun;42693779]That being said, advice on relationships is still helpful. Pretty obvious stuff but just to make sure
"sorry, i'm busy" = no, not interested
"sorry, i'm busy. how about [other day]" = I'm actually busy but I'd like to go out some other time
right?[/QUOTE]
Ehh my experience with it is yes to the first thing and yes/no to the second thing. Sometimes it could be but if you give it some times and try again and they make up another excuse then its definitely no 95% of the time.

[Aries]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42693543]everyone should be following this mindset whether or not they're currently seeking a relationship. if you can't make yourself happy then being in a relationship isn't going to change that in the long run, and you're not going to be able to make your partner happy.[/QUOTE]

Absolutely. I really dislike a half of a couple not doing something because they're afraid of what the other might think. I can only imagine a few things worse to do to someone emotionally in a relationship. That's like lighting a candle and suffocating the flame.

[Dysentery]

[QUOTE=NoShogun;42693779]"sorry, i'm busy" = no, not interested[/QUOTE]

not always, sometimes they probably just expect you to suggest another day instead of them

[Catshit]

[QUOTE=Dysentery;42694185]not always, sometimes they probably just expect you to suggest another day instead of them[/QUOTE]

To be honest I've found out by asking later or asking other people / mutual friends that I've literally never been told 'sorry i'm busy' for plans and it be true. They just don't want to. Or their 'busy' is just something similar to taking out the trash, but say they're busy for the entire day or even weekend.

[Dysentery]

that still doesn't make it an absolute, you might just only ask out jerks

[Fingers!!!]

I fixed shit up with the girl I've been talking to, and I really don't know how. Our bonds are stronger than ever and shit, we've been talking A LOT. I already have one third of the messages I had with my ex. However some shit came up yesterday and now she isn't talking to ANYBODY, not even myself. The maximum I could do was try to make her vent with me, which she did, yesterday. It seems like it's something related to her school, must be her friends and such, but now she keeps saying that she'll delete her Facebook account, stop talking to everyone and that life was better before her being social. What the fuck do I do? How do I approach her in a situation like this?

She didn't talk to me on Facebook today however, so I had to call her, and it seems that she wasn't answering anyone over Facebook. I asked her if she was okay, and that I'd be there for her for whatever. Managed to nab a few laughs outta her etc, I guess it was a good choice. Maybe v:v:v

[Metherat]

So, anyone know any good games for me to buy my boyfriend? He loves a good story, and actual realism, can anyone help me out instead of bashing on taepodong without end? I want him to have an actually nice birthday, not the shit he's had to put up with for the past few years.

[Doomevil]

i have the butterflies whenever i see this cute blue-haired chick standing next to me

what do

[Aries]

[QUOTE=Metherat;42694705]So, anyone know any good games for me to buy my boyfriend? He loves a good story, and actual realism, can anyone help me out instead of bashing on taepodong without end? I want him to have an actually nice birthday, not the shit he's had to put up with for the past few years.[/QUOTE]
I can't specifically help because I'm really not up to date on video games, but I'm quoting just to draw attention so maybe someone else can!

[thisispain]

[QUOTE=Metherat;42694705]So, anyone know any good games for me to buy my boyfriend? He loves a good story, and actual realism, can anyone help me out instead of bashing on taepodong without end? I want him to have an actually nice birthday, not the shit he's had to put up with for the past few years.[/QUOTE]

well, i dont really know what his tastes are.

but silent storm 2 is incredibly entertaining and fun for any turn-based strategy person