• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
Is weight that big of a deal when it comes to women being attracted to someone? I'm 5'11" but I'm 215 lbs. I've got a bit of a belly unless I suck it in, a muffin top/love handles/whatever-weird-name-you-can-think-of-for above-the-hip-fat, and my thighs and butt are kinda big. I'm not really obese, but BMI wise I just hit the cutoff for obesity; weight wise I'm supposed to weigh about 180lb for my width. However, I have friends and family who say I'm good looking, handsome, etc. I want to lose weight so I'll be found attractive and maybe someone will be interested in me but I can't get motivated to do so, for a variety of reasons (anxiety of being in a gym sweating around other people, intense leg pains that have lasted my entire life, asthma, etc) So, barring the usual "get fit you'll feel better and be healthier" comments, would the average woman really care if I'm a bit overweight?
Can't really make blanket statements for what women prefer in a man, seeing as everyone is unique and has their own personal tastes. If you're anxious about the gym, just go buy a cheapish bike (or more expensive if you can afford it) and go off cycling in some woods or something. You get to exercise, lose weight, and hopefully achieve a level of stamina / fitness that'll give you a bit more confidence going into a gym. [editline]15th November 2013[/editline] I've personally found that if you have a good personality, most women will happily look past other flaws. No one's perfect. I speak from experience. Even with a fucked up disfigurement kinda thing, I still managed to attract girls, mainly due to my personality. It definitely goes a long way.
looks really aren't that big of a deal when it comes to a relationship, honestly. i personally think my body is weird as heck, i don't work out and on top of that i have a mild case of pectus excavatum and it makes my upper body look fucked up and disproportionate, but honestly every single girl i've been with has never had an issue with it other than the occasional "wow i've never seen that" confidence and personality, as cliche as it may sound, really do go a long way and are more important in a relationship
[QUOTE=SleepyAl;42873697]Is weight that big of a deal when it comes to women being attracted to someone? I'm 5'11" but I'm 215 lbs. I've got a bit of a belly unless I suck it in, a muffin top/love handles/whatever-weird-name-you-can-think-of-for above-the-hip-fat, and my thighs and butt are kinda big. I'm not really obese, but BMI wise I just hit the cutoff for obesity; weight wise I'm supposed to weigh about 180lb for my width. However, I have friends and family who say I'm good looking, handsome, etc. I want to lose weight so I'll be found attractive and maybe someone will be interested in me but I can't get motivated to do so, for a variety of reasons (anxiety of being in a gym sweating around other people, intense leg pains that have lasted my entire life, asthma, etc) So, barring the usual "get fit you'll feel better and be healthier" comments, would the average woman really care if I'm a bit overweight?[/QUOTE] when you've got weight to contend with then shit like (facial/head) hair (keep it short honestly) and how you dress will help hugely i can't offer much advice with any of this however because i lost a bunch of weight just by eating less (though i ate far more than i should've before) [editline]15th November 2013[/editline] but as the people above say it doesn't matter too much - people who seriously care about your looks probably aren't worth forming any kind of relationship with anyway?
I guess I'm just trying to come up with barriers to make myself think I'm unattractive and thus won't have to deal with the anxiety of flirting and asking girls out. A lot of my problems stem from avoiding anxiety it seems like. I mean, apparently I've got a good personality, I try my hardest not to offend and I'm kinda funny, so really I'm just afraid for irrational reasons. Anyways, I could use a bike to get around campus, so I'll look around Craigslist or something for a cheap one since it won't put pressure on my calves to bicycle. Thanks.
So I'm in this state where I don't even care about anyone but myself. I mean, I've always been rather distant, don't get me wrong, I can conversate and even be a funny and enjoyable person to be around. But even when I'm smiling and joking with people, I do not actually give a single fuck about their lives or feelings, even though I actively (inquiring) pretend that I do. Like I said before - I've always been distant, but ever since I started attending college, it's been even worse. Note that I'm not that outsider-from-the-corner guy at all, I engage in conversations, I'm friendly, but I'm just absolutely intact by the others. I'm commuting, so I never hang out with the college people. And everyone with whom I could possibly be hanging out back at home is also unavailable, because due to their college life, they now live in other towns! Not that I used to hang out with people a lot. I have one really good female friend I used to be infatuated with (also long gone), we've always been and still are close. We're in contact on Facebook a lot, although we never hang out and we rarely see each other in person. I used to get upset by her talking about her boyfriend and stuff like that, but now? Shit, I don't even raise an eyebrow over it. Basically we're the same as ever, I just never get upset anymore. So this whole "don't give a fuck" situation brings positives as well. Yeah and there's also this college girl hitting on me so obviously that even I noticed it. I'm not interested, but I won't just tell her: "Sorry, no." I honestly admit my ego likes this kind of attention. Why am I such a dick? In addition to that, I've always had a girl in my zone I was strongly attracted to the point I'd even consider pursuing a serious relationship with her. Right now, I'm just like: "She's a very pretty and smart girl. I wish her all the best!" And that's it. Was I completely stripped off my sexual desires? And yes, I'm completely sure I'm straight. The reason why I'm typing is that I'm currently going solo to the extent I find it weird. Anyway, what is even weirder (and what is actually bothering me!) is the fact, I'm not even bothered by this social shutout of mine. So.. what the fuck, really? Anyone else ever went through something like that?
[QUOTE=Emugod;42873153]Has anyone had a long(ish) distance relationship? I'm kind of getting into a relationship with a girl that lives over an hour away from me, and neither of us have cars, so we can't exactly visit each other. If anyone's been through this, how did you guys manage? I don't know if it will work out very well... and I'm kind of struggling in the relationship department.[/QUOTE] don't settle, especially with long distance relationships. if you're only in it because you want to be in a relationship then it won't be much of one.
I think girls are attracted to how guys looks but once they meet them they're more attracted to the personality.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;42876983]don't settle, especially with long distance relationships. if you're only in it because you want to be in a relationship then it won't be much of one.[/QUOTE] Well, I don't think I'll settle right now. She says that she may apply to go to the same college, but she has other options as well. I'll be seeing her tomorrow because her brother is giving me a drive there. Hopefully it goes fine. The catch is that she's supposedly in a relationship with a girl that she's roommates with (I got this from her brother)... so, we'll see how this plays out.
[QUOTE=Jo The Shmo;42872510]why would you spend your time [b]making up[/b] such a pathetic story[/QUOTE] It's not made up though. This actually happened and I feel like shit now for even considering it.
well you should
Sometimes I feel like I have no connection with my father. My parents aren't divorced or anything, but they seem like two totally opposite people. I'm much more like my mom, and as a result, I don't really relate to my dad much. I always feel like we have nothing to talk about. Whatever he talks about just seems really uninteresting to me.
How can I improve myself in confidence?
go talk to people
[QUOTE=ichiman94;42883615]How can I improve myself in confidence?[/QUOTE] Exercise works wonders. Better than any medicine imo.
So just recently I found out my friend secretly hates me, or so I think. We've been good friends for three years, and not long ago I found out from his online conversations with my other friend his bitterness towards me. I'm certain about why he's pissed - its been a nasty habit of mine to make jokes, sometimes really mean, at his expense. To add to that, I always say terrible things about him behind his back. This has dragged on for like, more than two years. I've been a massive asshole and a terrible friend to him and I know it's completely my fault why things are what they are. And it's not just him I've been a dick to. Even to my other friends in my circle, I've shown a semblance of my selfish and egoistic self. I try not to get personal, and really I don't mean anything I say - it's just my brand of dry humor. But that's not how they see it unfortunately. They feel hurt but they don't want to tell me so I just go on like it's fucking nothing, and finally, with this revelation and what not, it's come to bite me back in the ass. That aside, I've been feeling a gigantic sense of guilt and shame for myself. He's been great enough to still have the patience to deal with me still, and I want to patch up our relationship, but to think I've been doing that to him for over two years, and we'll be graduating from high school in a couple months, it just seems plain impossible. Would a simple, heartfelt sorry suffice for all those stabs in the back? I seriously feel like crying because of the painful truth of losing a friend I didn't want to lose, but probably deserved to anyway. If there's anything I can still do, what is it? When I look at my friends now, him especially, they feel so alien, like I haven't known them for years...
[QUOTE=MightyLOLZOR;42884406]Exercise works wonders. Better than any medicine imo.[/QUOTE] This +1,000,000.
[QUOTE=MightyLOLZOR;42884406]Exercise works wonders. Better than any medicine imo.[/QUOTE] but i'm too lazy to exercise everyday. Do I have to force a habit?
The only habits you dont force are bad habits. Like leaving the toilet seat up, not flushing, not making eye contact or doing crack
Well, updates on the "meeting" the girl and I had... It went pretty bad. We saw each other for a total of 30 minutes. We hardly even talked. It wasn't the best experience I've had. She wasn't feeling good, so we just called it a day, and my friend and I went back home. Her brother said she's been in a weird mood for a while, maybe depression, but he's not sure. So, I'll probably talk to her about it. I'm still really skeptical if this is worth it.
Starting as of next year, not to be cliché, I'm going to try and be more of a yes man. Once I'm medicially better, I'll try out new things, exercise regularly, perhaps go to college if I find something interesting, and be much more social. This year has been shit and a change is very welcome.
[QUOTE=doomevil;42885605]but i'm too lazy to exercise everyday. Do I have to force a habit?[/QUOTE] yeah quit being a pussy
[QUOTE=doomevil;42885605]but i'm too lazy to exercise everyday. Do I have to force a habit?[/QUOTE] Find something physical that you find enjoyable. There are loads of activities out there: swimming, running, rock climbing, cycling, sports, x-sports. Just be active. Confidence will come in time.
Just the high from exercise may be enough encouragement, after a run I feel calm and upbeat.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;42886702]Starting as of next year, not to be cliché, I'm going to try and be more of a yes man. Once I'm medicially better, I'll try out new things, exercise regularly, perhaps go to college if I find something interesting, and be much more social. This year has been shit and a change is very welcome.[/QUOTE] Why do you need a new year to accomplish that?
[QUOTE=JohanGS;42888029]Why do you need a new year to accomplish that?[/QUOTE] True, I just think that's the time where everything will be on the up with my health. I have my wrist problems diagnosed late December, and I think I might finally be on the right drugs for my Bowel Disease.
[QUOTE=Aries;42816951]Hokay, wall of writing: I was meant to go to this pub at the local university last night to meet up with probably my best friend, a guy called David, because he's recently come back from a trip to Europe and I've recently oved back to my old town. We haven't seen each other in ages, so I got three other friends and asked around for a good pub. According to the friend of mine who goes to uni, the pub at the uni was great and so we set it in concrete that we were going to that. My friend Jessie tells me she's going to hit the clubs if I get bored at the uni, and I've been invited to an eighteenth of this girl who kinda stalked me but is kinda hot so on the crazy-hot scale it works out. I turn up to the pub, find David sitting outside, and I wonder what is happening. He explains to me that someone told him that the pub hasn't opened on a Saturday in [I]seven years[/I] due to the amount of army jerks frequenting it. And even when it's open on a Friday, it's never open at the time we turned up. Well okay, I guess the five of us are going to town. We make a pub crawl out of it, going from pub to pub. At the second pub I hear a lot of old music being played by a female singer/guitarist combo, I lost ten bucks due to a game of Pool, I chat to the singer and to my friends' chagrin she dedicates a song to me! I add her on Facebook, my friend Miki snapchats me and I tell her join us and she politely says she wants to finish up what she's doing at the club she's at. My phone dies, we go to other pubs, I met a German backpacker named Monika, and then we decide to hit up the eighteenth. I ended up getting home at two but a few of my buddies decided to call it an early night and so my friend Nathan chilled with the party folk while she and I caught up and she blatantly told me she wanted to fuck me. I was pretty tired and had work, so I went home and he caught a ride back to his place. It was a really great night, even though we didn't plan on it being anything like it was. As it turns out, the girl Miki has a huge thing for me and I should be kicking myself for turning my phone off according to our friend who was her designated driver (even though my phone died, haha) because she came looking for me, and I woke up to ten texts asking and two Facebook messages asking where I was. She's really sweet, so I'll make it up to her at another day. It was a great night! My friend David ended up heading back to our friend John's place and because his sister wasn't home he crashed on her bed. But then his sister came home, they shared a bed, and he's telling me that he tried to kiss her even though she has a boyfriend. He's now trying to compete with me when it comes to picking up the ladies, and I think that's a really bad way of going about things. I go out, I have fun, and I meet people, talk to them, and that's how I find girls who are interested in me. But he now wants to go out specifically to find women to have sex with him. Worst of all, he keeps telling me about how he can't wait to go out and do that. I've tried explaining to him that that's not a good way to go about things but he says he's just kidding (even though he's had this mindset for years, but I thought he got over it and matured). He's only ever been with one girl, and he tells me it wasn't a pleasant experience. I understand exactly why he wants to, but I don't think this is the way to do it. How can I approach him and explain to him that it's a bad idea? Should I even do it? Would really appreciate some advice![/QUOTE] Hey guys, still wondering what to do about this dude. He told me [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0rWtL87ES8]this was our theme song[/url] after I invited him to a party because I think he would benefit from being in a social environment but it's really bumming me out due to numerous reasons. Help?
Tell him to get his head out of his ass. Make it obvious that he is being immature and then set him on the right path with advice or a date or something.
[QUOTE=Azzator;42884597]So just recently I found out my friend secretly hates me, or so I think. We've been good friends for three years, and not long ago I found out from his online conversations with my other friend his bitterness towards me. I'm certain about why he's pissed - its been a nasty habit of mine to make jokes, sometimes really mean, at his expense. To add to that, I always say terrible things about him behind his back. This has dragged on for like, more than two years. I've been a massive asshole and a terrible friend to him and I know it's completely my fault why things are what they are. And it's not just him I've been a dick to. Even to my other friends in my circle, I've shown a semblance of my selfish and egoistic self. I try not to get personal, and really I don't mean anything I say - it's just my brand of dry humor. But that's not how they see it unfortunately. They feel hurt but they don't want to tell me so I just go on like it's fucking nothing, and finally, with this revelation and what not, it's come to bite me back in the ass. That aside, I've been feeling a gigantic sense of guilt and shame for myself. He's been great enough to still have the patience to deal with me still, and I want to patch up our relationship, but to think I've been doing that to him for over two years, and we'll be graduating from high school in a couple months, it just seems plain impossible. Would a simple, heartfelt sorry suffice for all those stabs in the back? I seriously feel like crying because of the painful truth of losing a friend I didn't want to lose, but probably deserved to anyway. If there's anything I can still do, what is it? When I look at my friends now, him especially, they feel so alien, like I haven't known them for years...[/QUOTE] Go say sorry. It might just be a word, but a deep-felt apology can work wonders, especially if you stop doing what made it shit in the first place. Say sorry, stop making jokes at their expense.
A couple of people have said I'm a bad kisser and it's making me really paranoid about how I kiss. I know whether or not someone is a good kisser is subjective because everyone has a different "style", and that if you've been kissing the same person for so long you kind of adapt or get into the habit one way. Should I be worried?
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