Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Slowbro;42993610]Today I was eating lunch and a dude at the next table started having a panic attack or something and he was all gasping for air and purple in the face and shit and I wanted to help but I am so irrationally scared of social interaction that I couldn't even bring myself to ask him if he was OK
So yeah that kinda made me feel like shit today[/QUOTE]
Panic attack? Sounds more like choking to death.
[editline]29th November 2013[/editline]
What happened in the end?
[QUOTE=ichiman94;42966895]How can I force myself at something for like a month or something? If I start something, I will happily do it while I can. Then the next day I feel like I wan't to do something else.
I started a technical blog, posted in it twice for 2 days, then deleted it. A friend of mine and my mother told me before the deletion, that I write cool things very well. Yet I felt the need to delete it. And I can't find the answer in myself.
I want to change my mind. I want to keep doing things for much more time, but as always, I abandon things. This is how I ended up knowing how to program, web development, mapping, video editing, photoshopping, modelling, using Unity3D, setting up and configuring Arch Linux etc. It doesn't sound very much, and I would learn new things as I always did. It's always about starting and halfway stopping. And it's getting annoying.
So, how can I keep doing JUST ONE thing for like a month.[/QUOTE]
Same shit here. Except I last longer, for around half a year (TOPS) and my issue also actually harms me. I can't stick to anything for long and I also can't maintain normal activities like going to uni.
I slack off a lot. Not because I don't want to go there, but because I can't force myself to get up in the morning. Nothing motivates me. Whether it's a dull day of stupid lectures or a day full of important tests and stuff I have equal chances of saying "fuck it". Parents cut my budget, promised me gifts for stopping doing it and other stuff. Nothing helped. I just don't give a fuck.
It has been like that for as long, as I can remember it. Now I feel like I lack something everyone seems to have. Everyone around me is a pro at something. I am 17, people around me are 16-18 and most of them (I am talking about the notable figures, like what I want to be) have something they accomplished.
I can't say that I ever won anything or reached a goal. Only thing I can brag about is being a quite good novice webmaster, but that's only good when compared to regular people that know absolutely nothing about it. I abandoned so many things and I am not sure if it was because it was hard or not fun. Everything just stops being interesting and I stop seeing a point in doing anything.
Thanks for reading. Would like advice.
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;43017375]Same shit here. Except I last longer, for around half a year (TOPS) and my issue also actually harms me. I can't stick to anything for long and I also can't maintain normal activities like going to uni.
I slack off a lot. Not because I don't want to go there, but because I can't force myself to get up in the morning. Nothing motivates me. Whether it's a dull day of stupid lectures or a day full of important tests and stuff I have equal chances of saying "fuck it". Parents cut my budget, promised me gifts for stopping doing it and other stuff. Nothing helped. I just don't give a fuck.
It has been like that for as long, as I can remember it. Now I feel like I lack something everyone seems to have. Everyone around me is a pro at something. I am 17, people around me are 16-18 and most of them (I am talking about the notable figures, like what I want to be) have something they accomplished.
I can't say that I ever won anything or reached a goal. Only thing I can brag about is being a quite good novice webmaster, but that's only good when compared to regular people that know absolutely nothing about it. I abandoned so many things and I am not sure if it was because it was hard or not fun. Everything just stops being interesting and I stop seeing a point in doing anything.
Thanks for reading. Would like advice.[/QUOTE]
what you do when you enjoy something doesn't matter. what's important is what you do when you don't feel like doing it - when you're sick of practicing your craft, or you're discouraged and don't feel like you're getting any better. the difference between great artists and shitty ones is that great artists work at their craft regularly, whether or not they're in the mood to.
as for not attending class? nobody wants to get up and go to school or go to their job. everyone else does it. there's no advice we can give you, you just need to force yourself to do it.
[editline]29th November 2013[/editline]
and i'm not sure if you saw my earlier post but here: [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1257818&p=42964167&viewfull=1#post42964167[/url]
pretty relevant to your situation.
you keep saying "i can't". that's the problem. it's YOUR life, you might not be in control of your feelings and unwillingness to do things, but you are 100% in control of your actions. don't try to convince yourself you aren't.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;43017744]what you do when you enjoy something doesn't matter. what's important is what you do when you don't feel like doing it - when you're sick of practicing your craft, or you're discouraged and don't feel like you're getting any better. the difference between great artists and shitty ones is that great artists work at their craft regularly, whether or not they're in the mood to.
as for not attending class? nobody wants to get up and go to school or go to their job. everyone else does it. there's no advice we can give you, you just need to force yourself to do it.
[editline]29th November 2013[/editline]
and i'm not sure if you saw my earlier post but here: [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1257818&p=42964167&viewfull=1#post42964167[/url]
pretty relevant to your situation.
you keep saying "i can't". that's the problem. it's YOUR life, you might not be in control of your feelings and unwillingness to do things, but you are 100% in control of your actions. don't try to convince yourself you aren't.[/QUOTE]
That post was very informative. You are absolutely right.
Still I wish there was a way to put myself in such borders that I would not be able to drop something. I really lack the habbit of working even when it's not paying off.
[QUOTE=MuffinZerg;43017944]That post was very informative. You are absolutely right.
Still I wish there was a way to put myself in such borders that I would not be able to drop something. I really lack the habbit of working even when it's not paying off.[/QUOTE]
i have a habit of doing the same thing and the only thing i can really suggest is taking classes (at college, maybe?) for your hobbies. it's a lot easier to keep learning when you have a teacher giving you assignments at the appropriate level for you to work on. in my case, i have a hard time sticking with piano - when i was taking lessons it was a lot easier for me to keep challenging myself because my teacher provided sheet music at a good level for me, and having assignments every week encouraged me to practice. it's a lot easier to stay with something when you set small goals that you can reach within a few weeks rather than just having a big, general goal of "get really good at this thing" with no simple path to it.
without taking actual classes, the next best thing i can think of is finding some sort of online program, or finding an agenda for an actual class and basing your own schedule off that - studying concepts in the same order that the class you're referencing does.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;43017980]i have a habit of doing the same thing and the only thing i can really suggest is taking classes (at college, maybe?) for your hobbies. it's a lot easier to keep learning when you have a teacher giving you assignments at the appropriate level for you to work on. in my case, i have a hard time sticking with piano - when i was taking lessons it was a lot easier for me to keep challenging myself because my teacher provided sheet music at a good level for me, and having assignments every week encouraged me to practice. it's a lot easier to stay with something when you set small goals that you can reach within a few weeks rather than just having a big, general goal of "get really good at this thing" with no simple path to it.
without taking actual classes, the next best thing i can think of is finding some sort of online program, or finding an agenda for an actual class and basing your own schedule off that - studying concepts in the same order that the class you're referencing does.[/QUOTE]
Thank you, that was helpful.
I will now proceed to kick myself until I fix my shit.
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;43015458]Panic attack? Sounds more like choking to death.
[editline]29th November 2013[/editline]
What happened in the end?[/QUOTE]
First aid came and sorted him out and he was fine. I still feel bad for not helping him though :(
Why cant I stop procrastinating? Its ruining everything.
I really wish I could say I got over my ex.
I want to talk to my crush a lot more than I currently do, but the problem is I don't know when. The only time I can is during lunch when I can go with her, but the problem is that she is always going on lunch with her (female) friends which means that they will keep talking about their own stuff..
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;43025138]I want to talk to my crush a lot more than I currently do, but the problem is I don't know when. The only time I can is during lunch when I can go with her, but the problem is that she is always going on lunch with her (female) friends which means that they will keep talking about their own stuff..[/QUOTE]
why do you have a crush? ask her out.
plenty of time to talk on a date
[QUOTE=Cyanlime;43025146]why do you have a crush? ask her out.
plenty of time to talk on a date[/QUOTE]
yea, except I'm new to the academy, that's why. I want to get to knew her a bit more in-school.
just because she hangs out with other friends doesn't mean you can't just go up to her and talk to her anyways
[QUOTE=RobbL;43008891]Girl I like is dropping out of uni, great[/QUOTE]
Similar situation happened to me at college a year ago, didn't drop out but went somewhere else. She lives a good two hours or so bus journey away from me (And that's one way) so its simply not viable to meet up unless we meet half way. Its a shame but at least I still communicate with her and I'm sort of hoping in the long term I can learn to drive and maybe then meet with her more often because since then I've been shit out of luck.
Hung out with this girl last night that I've met a few times, thinking about asking her to go get some coffee or something sometime.
This whole dgaf; go with the flow mentality is super nice with this sort of thing.
So I got really, really close with this girl at my college. We basically acted like we were in a relationship, but without the whole sensual stuff - flirty banter, always laughing and having fun. She has been aware of my feelings for her for a while, and a few of days ago she suddenly distanced herself from me (it was a trip for 'business academy' - don't ask.).
We spoke on the coach coming back about what's going on, and she told me that she feels that I'm being a bit too pushy, whether I'm aware of it or not - she then basically opened up to me, and told me of her past with boyfriends and how they've played with her feelings, and how one guy in particular (whom she dated for 9 months) messages her every so often saying things like 'I miss what we had' etc etc, and then doesn't send her any more messages. She says that she is scared of going into a relationship with me because a. we are amazing friends and she doesn't want to lose that, she loves hanging out with me; and b. she fears that our friendship will turn sour because the relationship may go tits up and turn to shit, meaning we will never speak to one another again
And now she hasn't spoken to me for ages, and is talking to one of my mates a lot - I've refrained from messaging her tons, I have started the 'mini' text conversations twice over the past few days, but she is talking to one of my mates a lot, and completely blanking me.
I have not felt this way about a girl for a very long time bleh
I feel incredibly down right now. I've been dating a girl for the past 3 months, but it wasn't a serious relationship although it seemed like it most of the time.. Anyways I'm not sure if we rushed into it too fast, but we told eachother that we loved eachother and everything was going great up until the past 2 weeks. She began becoming distant but I just shrugged it off as a lack of communication as we were both sort of busy.
She calls me today and tells me how she went and slept with some guy the other night (at first she had lied about this and said nothing had happened at the party). We then proceeded to have a conversation about whatever this relationship we had was, and it kind of just really sucked for me. She explained that she liked me, but couldn't reciprocate the feelings I had for her. She wants to stay friends, or even a little more than that I'm not sure, but she's not ready for a relationship and all that. What I pretty much got from the conversation was that she lost interest and wanted to sleep with some other guys that she's been talking to lately, but didn't do anything with them out of guilt of our relationship (up until last night that is.)
And here I am sitting here, absolutely fucking depressed over it. Came to the conclusion to just be friends, and she still wants to talk frequently, but how am I supposed to do that? Is it really fair of her to want the same sort of communication and friendship we had before, while I have to cope with thinking about how she's probably sleeping around? I know the easy answer to this is 'move on', but I've had relationship problems in the past and this is honestly the first time in about a year and a half I've felt emotionally connected with a girl, which makes this suck all the more. On top of that I recently made a huge move from Canada to Texas, where I'm no longer around the shelter of my family and lifelong friends, and with all this going on I've never felt more lonely.
I just don't know how to deal with this.. I value our relationship and don't want to lose her, but I think I'd also be a fool to cling onto it as it would only hurt me further to keep thinking there was still a chance of rekindling what we had, and if that doesn't happen well sucks all the more for me.
Just needed somewhere to vent my feelings, as there's no one around to really listen, and I don't want to bother those who are thousands of miles away and haven't had a clue what's been going on with my life lately.
You only got the news today, you'll care less and less as times go by.
If you're feeling lonely I'm sure there's plenty of opportunities to be more social e.g. groups, sports, volunteering, if you want something you have to reach for it.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;43040814]You only got the news today, you'll care less and less as times go by.
If you're feeling lonely I'm sure there's plenty of opportunities to be more social e.g. groups, sports, volunteering, if you want something you have to reach for it.[/QUOTE]
I've been feeling down for a couple of weeks now, this just sort of made things feel a lot heavier on me.
I probably just need to surround myself with more people, a lot of energy was spent on just her when we were doing whatever together, but I'm finding it sort of difficult since I'm in community college. I went to university first year in Canada and everything was great, but CC has been treating me differently. I'm finding it tough to meet the same type of people.
There's typically plenty of groups in community colleges to join, or even just try.
What about your classmates? Even if you're just in a break room and overhear a conversation you have an opinion on, partake.
[QUOTE=Lukeo;43040932]There's typically plenty of groups in community colleges to join, or even just try.
What about your classmates? Even if you're just in a break room and overhear a conversation you have an opinion on, partake.[/QUOTE]
It's not too big of a community college, I'll have to look into it but haven't heard or seen of any groups that interest me.
Don't get me wrong, I've made friends to a certain extent with a number of my class mates and I'm not an anti social guy. It's just the CC culture is different then what I was used to at university, and so are the people it seems. I don't know if that's just because I moved to Texas and it's a slightly bit of a different culture here or what. I might just be trying too hard to find people and friends that are alike to what I was used to back home.
I understand the advice you're trying to give me though.. I agree that I need to find something to occupy my time and mind. Hopefully time does fix things, I know I dwell and brood over things for far longer then I should, but eventually my mood does lift...
She cheated on you, I know you were attached to her, but she didn't respect you. You deserve better buddy, I would suggest going no-contact.
If she wanted to sleep with other guys, she should've let you go BEFORE she ended up in someone's bed. And don't count on a "friends with benefits" kind of deal with her, it will make you feel even worse.
[quote]but I think I'd also be a fool to cling onto it as it would only hurt me further to keep thinking there was still a chance of rekindling what we had, and if that doesn't happen well sucks all the more for me. [/quote]
You said it yourself.
[QUOTE=lum1naire;43040728]I feel incredibly down right now. I've been dating a girl for the past 3 months, but it wasn't a serious relationship although it seemed like it most of the time.. Anyways I'm not sure if we rushed into it too fast, but we told eachother that we loved eachother and everything was going great up until the past 2 weeks. She began becoming distant but I just shrugged it off as a lack of communication as we were both sort of busy.
She calls me today and tells me how she went and slept with some guy the other night (at first she had lied about this and said nothing had happened at the party). We then proceeded to have a conversation about whatever this relationship we had was, and it kind of just really sucked for me. She explained that she liked me, but couldn't reciprocate the feelings I had for her. She wants to stay friends, or even a little more than that I'm not sure, but she's not ready for a relationship and all that. What I pretty much got from the conversation was that she lost interest and wanted to sleep with some other guys that she's been talking to lately, but didn't do anything with them out of guilt of our relationship (up until last night that is.)
And here I am sitting here, absolutely fucking depressed over it. Came to the conclusion to just be friends, and she still wants to talk frequently, but how am I supposed to do that? Is it really fair of her to want the same sort of communication and friendship we had before, while I have to cope with thinking about how she's probably sleeping around? I know the easy answer to this is 'move on', but I've had relationship problems in the past and this is honestly the first time in about a year and a half I've felt emotionally connected with a girl, which makes this suck all the more. On top of that I recently made a huge move from Canada to Texas, where I'm no longer around the shelter of my family and lifelong friends, and with all this going on I've never felt more lonely.
I just don't know how to deal with this.. I value our relationship and don't want to lose her, but I think I'd also be a fool to cling onto it as it would only hurt me further to keep thinking there was still a chance of rekindling what we had, and if that doesn't happen well sucks all the more for me.
Just needed somewhere to vent my feelings, as there's no one around to really listen, and I don't want to bother those who are thousands of miles away and haven't had a clue what's been going on with my life lately.[/QUOTE]
I am sorry, but she sounds like a real bitch. I would cut contact.
[QUOTE=lum1naire;43040728]I feel incredibly down right now. I've been dating a girl for the past 3 months, but it wasn't a serious relationship although it seemed like it most of the time.. Anyways I'm not sure if we rushed into it too fast, but we told eachother that we loved eachother and everything was going great up until the past 2 weeks. She began becoming distant but I just shrugged it off as a lack of communication as we were both sort of busy.
She calls me today and tells me how she went and slept with some guy the other night (at first she had lied about this and said nothing had happened at the party). We then proceeded to have a conversation about whatever this relationship we had was, and it kind of just really sucked for me. She explained that she liked me, but couldn't reciprocate the feelings I had for her. She wants to stay friends, or even a little more than that I'm not sure, but she's not ready for a relationship and all that. What I pretty much got from the conversation was that she lost interest and wanted to sleep with some other guys that she's been talking to lately, but didn't do anything with them out of guilt of our relationship (up until last night that is.)
And here I am sitting here, absolutely fucking depressed over it. Came to the conclusion to just be friends, and she still wants to talk frequently, but how am I supposed to do that? Is it really fair of her to want the same sort of communication and friendship we had before, while I have to cope with thinking about how she's probably sleeping around? I know the easy answer to this is 'move on', but I've had relationship problems in the past and this is honestly the first time in about a year and a half I've felt emotionally connected with a girl, which makes this suck all the more. On top of that I recently made a huge move from Canada to Texas, where I'm no longer around the shelter of my family and lifelong friends, and with all this going on I've never felt more lonely.
I just don't know how to deal with this.. I value our relationship and don't want to lose her, but I think I'd also be a fool to cling onto it as it would only hurt me further to keep thinking there was still a chance of rekindling what we had, and if that doesn't happen well sucks all the more for me.
Just needed somewhere to vent my feelings, as there's no one around to really listen, and I don't want to bother those who are thousands of miles away and haven't had a clue what's been going on with my life lately.[/QUOTE]
Do what's going to make you happiest and it sounds like that will be cutting contact. It's not okay for her to cheat on and you have the right to say that much and act accordingly
[QUOTE=Dysentery;43026254]just because she hangs out with other friends doesn't mean you can't just go up to her and talk to her anyways[/QUOTE]
I will try to go out with her on lunch on wednesday but I have a problem of not saying a word while she is with her friends(female(applies to everyone I know)) because they are talking about their stuff which I can't add anything most of the time.
My ex decided to text me for no real reason
She's kind of a trigger for me and I've been doing my best to get her out of my head for half a year now
I'm not sure how to handle this
2blessed2be stressed
[QUOTE=killerteacup;43044504]Do what's going to make you happiest and it sounds like that will be cutting contact. It's not okay for her to cheat on and you have the right to say that much and act accordingly[/QUOTE]
Yeah cutting contact is pretty much the most likely scenario at this point. I don't want this whole thing to have an detrimental effect to my education or personal life, as I know I become really careless when I'm emotional for awhile (it hasn't happened for a long time now).
I appreciate all the advice/sympathy you guys <3
So I'm gonna be 20 in a few months and I haven't been in a relationship at all, ofc I'm a virgin. I think this is pretty pathetic and I blame it all that I'm way too self-conscious than I need to be, and also quite low self-esteem.
So I thought that as I have reached this age, it's time to start to make a change. As of this summer I'll start going to a gym and find a personal instructor to help me get started for the first two months or so, I'll go on myself from there (I'm not too fat nor skinny, I'm average.). I think that will help me raise my self-esteem because I'm not happy with my body, and I suppose getting to a state where I'll be happy with it I'll also gain confidence, which will also give me the courage to start being more sociable.
Don't get me wrong tho, I'm not the kind of guy that sits alone in a corner and nobody notices him. I'm not socially awkward, it's just that I don't have the courage to...make the first step? (I dunno if this expression fits this but eh, english)
Anyways, that's what I'll start with. What do you guys think?
Oh yeah I also have a hobby of hiking, but obviously not being fit makes it suck ass to climb mountains, so will help with that too.
[QUOTE=ionuttzu;43050164]So I'm gonna be 20 in a few months and I haven't been in a relationship at all, ofc I'm a virgin. I think this is pretty pathetic and I blame it all that I'm way too self-conscious than I need to be, and also quite low self-esteem.
So I thought that as I have reached this age, it's time to start to make a change. As of this summer I'll start going to a gym and find a personal instructor to help me get started for the first two months or so, I'll go on myself from there (I'm not too fat nor skinny, I'm average.). I think that will help me raise my self-esteem because I'm not happy with my body, and I suppose getting to a state where I'll be happy with it I'll also gain confidence, which will also give me the courage to start being more sociable.
Don't get me wrong tho, I'm not the kind of guy that sits alone in a corner and nobody notices him. I'm not socially awkward, it's just that I don't have the courage to...make the first step? (I dunno if this expression fits this but eh, english)
Anyways, that's what I'll start with. What do you guys think?
Oh yeah I also have a hobby of hiking, but obviously not being fit makes it suck ass to climb mountains, so will help with that too.[/QUOTE]
that's a great idea. exercise will benefit your emotional health as well as physical.
one thing you might want to keep in mind is that body image isn't entirely based on how you actually look. body image issues are the cause of problems like eating disorders etc - you may look healthy and attractive to others but have an exaggerated view of your flaws. even if you don't see significant physical changes just having a healthy lifestyle should help your attitude toward yourself.
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