Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=junker154;43245862]When I talk about girls with my friends it always sounds like this: "A big bouncy ass that wobbles after each thrust is perfect", "No! Tits tits tis", "Ass ass ass" etc.[/QUOTE]

When I talk to my friends about girls its always fun until the guy whos getting married next year calls his fiance a fat stupid cow and throws his drink out the window and shit gets super awkward.

[Inspector Jones]

Re posting here on advice from the creationism corner...

[B]Post 1:[/B]

So, I have a crush on my supervisor at work (We're around the same age, 23). I've been working there almost two years. I'm really shy and overweight, but she and the other people she hangs out there treat me very nice (More then I deserve), and they even invited me out the other night at her apartment. I really like her, but I'm not ready to pursue anything further right now (I really want to get in shape before I do anything), but at the same time I want to make my feelings known. I'm debating giving her a confession letter along with a late Christmas gift.

In truth, I'm not even sure I'll have the confidence to give her the letter; but I feel compelled to.

[quote](Name Redacted),

This is a confession; I have a crush on you. I think you probably suspected that but now I'll admit it to you in the safety of this letter.

I admire you as a person. You work absurd hours for a place that doesn't fully appreciate everything you do all the while going to school at the same time. I don't fully understand how you do it and still manage to be sane. Even though you insist you're a shy person; you seem to naturally inspire respect and loyalty or at least that's what I've observed. I honestly believe that whatever you decide to do in life, you'll find success; it won't be easy but you've got the motivation and skills to overcome any challenges that may cross your path.

I can't say the same for myself. I feel directionless in life. I just get through each day in dreamy daze because it's the same thing over and over again. I'm afraid that I'll just keep working at [Redacted location] even after everyone else leaves because I'm used to it. That's why I want to change, I want something to look forward to.

Until I can accept myself as a person, I wouldn't ask anyone else to do the same. That's why I appreciate you inviting me to over to your apartment with the rest of the crew but at the same time I feel guilty; the last thing I'd want to do is bring you down or ruin your free time.

That's why I've resolved to try as hard as I can to improve myself starting now. I want to better myself as a person, both physically and emotionally, and not feel like I'm a burden to others. One day, I'll have the self confidence to to ask you directly how you feel, and until then I ask that you wait on your response. I'm not sure if you'll ever feel the same way about me that I do about you, but it's okay if it never happens; all I ask is that you don't treat me any different then you do now. But I felt I had to be honest about the way I feel and let you know.

Forever faithful,

(My Name Redacted)[/quote]

This is just a first draft. It's a bit embarrassing to share it; but at the same time I need some feedback. The last thing I'd want is to come across as weird and drive her away. What does Facepunch think?

[B]Response[/B], everyone thought the letter was a bad way of responding and possibly fucking everything up. After careful consideration, I had to agree. It seemed good at time putting my thoughts to paper, but it does seem like too much.

[B]Post 2:[/B]

[QUOTE=Inspector Jones;43250909]I don't know what I'll do. I'll probably be too scared to do anything. I feel like I have to tell her how I feel, but I'm not ready to do so yet. I want her to know how I really feel; but understand that I need to improve myself, not merely ask her to trust that I'll become a better person. When I make my move, I want to do so with no doubt in my mind. Again, the core concept is if I don't love myself, how could I possibly ask someone else to?

Yet, I also know that if I wait too long, it may be too late. I know I would eventually move on, but my heart would be crushed knowing I never even made an attempt.

I'm feeling pretty shitty right now.[/QUOTE]

I'm still feeling shitty. I'm actually crying because I can't resolve what to do. I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders. I've got no experience in this area. Remember how I said that I was invited out one night; that was the first night I've actually left my house aside from school/work/gym in a long, long, long time. And it was the first time I've actually gone to a girl's apartment, even if it was with some other coworkers, I still appreciated every single moment of it.

My goal in my head is simple; I want to lose as much weight as I can and tone up in the shortest period of time. But that was my plan last year, and I had some success (Lost around ~30 pounds). I want to lose at least that much weight, or maybe more, by April. But I know that even the best intentions don't mean shit (This spring semester I'll have less free time to devote to the gym).

Sorry, I don't mean to whine, I realize I'm whining. The only other thought I have is possibly talking to other coworkers about how I feel, but I wouldn't want it getting back to her. So really, it seems like I'm screwed.

[Dysentery]

okay phew well i'm glad you're already convinced not to send the letter because that is a terrible, terrible idea.

past that, do not tell her how you feel. that's a terrible idea and is hard to respond to from her side. you said you don't want to pursue her yet, so why do you need to let her know you like her? you should focus more on the other aspect of your life, the weight loss etc, before you focus on her. and after you feel like you've achieved the weight loss and stuff that you want, then you can try and pursue her. but not by telling her. the worst way to get a girl is to tell her that you like her. the best way is to simply ask her out, which will basically tell her straight up "i like you, let's do stuff together" without making an awkward situation

[Metallics]

Don't shit where you eat man

[Inspector Jones]

[QUOTE=metallics;43251461]Don't shit where you eat man[/QUOTE]

It's a part time job that I really fucking hate. Guess why I'm still working there after two years? If things really fucked up, It'd give me an excuse to finally quit, so that's one potential upside.

[Dick Slamfist]

so basically the girl I used to date sent me this long text about how she wishes she listened to me about her new boyfriend cause he's apparently been emotionally abusing her lately
he's going around telling all his friends what she does sexually

this is not a good kind of feel

[Daniel Smith]

Everything I do is terrible. I can't draw or paint because I don't understand perspective, shadows and everything else. I tried being gm for a forum game but I am bad at writing and I messed it all up.
I can't make source maps very well and I quit the guitar and drums because I didn't learn fast enough. I am too lazy to learn how to animate and draw even though that is what what I want to do. I'm going to college in two years and I don't think I will be good enough to get in.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=Inspector Jones;43251305]Re posting here on advice from the creationism corner...

[B]Post 1:[/B]

So, I have a crush on my supervisor at work (We're around the same age, 23). I've been working there almost two years. I'm really shy and overweight, but she and the other people she hangs out there treat me very nice (More then I deserve), and they even invited me out the other night at her apartment. I really like her, but I'm not ready to pursue anything further right now (I really want to get in shape before I do anything), but at the same time I want to make my feelings known. I'm debating giving her a confession letter along with a late Christmas gift.

In truth, I'm not even sure I'll have the confidence to give her the letter; but I feel compelled to.

This is just a first draft. It's a bit embarrassing to share it; but at the same time I need some feedback. The last thing I'd want is to come across as weird and drive her away. What does Facepunch think?

[B]Response[/B], everyone thought the letter was a bad way of responding and possibly fucking everything up. After careful consideration, I had to agree. It seemed good at time putting my thoughts to paper, but it does seem like too much.

[B]Post 2:[/B]

I'm still feeling shitty. I'm actually crying because I can't resolve what to do. I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders. I've got no experience in this area. Remember how I said that I was invited out one night; that was the first night I've actually left my house aside from school/work/gym in a long, long, long time. And it was the first time I've actually gone to a girl's apartment, even if it was with some other coworkers, I still appreciated every single moment of it.

My goal in my head is simple; I want to lose as much weight as I can and tone up in the shortest period of time. But that was my plan last year, and I had some success (Lost around ~30 pounds). I want to lose at least that much weight, or maybe more, by April. But I know that even the best intentions don't mean shit (This spring semester I'll have less free time to devote to the gym).

Sorry, I don't mean to whine, I realize I'm whining. The only other thought I have is possibly talking to other coworkers about how I feel, but I wouldn't want it getting back to her. So really, it seems like I'm screwed.[/QUOTE]

Ok glad you didnt send her that letter. That would just KO your relationship.

One other thing though: DO NOT WAIT. Dont make weightloss your excuse to not take action with that girl. Thats losing a lot of time and the more time you spend with her and talk to her, the more she'll see you as a friend. And guess what she's not gonna suddenly like you just because you lost a few pounds, that only works in tv and shit. DO act more confidently around HER and EVERYWHERE ELSE. Loving yourself isn't only losing a few pounds, its about changing your ATTITUDE. So just try her, ASK HER OUT. At least then youll make it a bit more clear that youre interested in her.

Aaaand what if it goes bad? What if she doesnt like you? Guess what? Theres THOUSANDS of other girls you can meet, don't put her on a pedestal

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=Inspector Jones;43251305]Re posting here on advice from the creationism corner...

[B]Post 1:[/B]

So, I have a crush on my supervisor at work (We're around the same age, 23). I've been working there almost two years. I'm really shy and overweight, but she and the other people she hangs out there treat me very nice (More then I deserve), and they even invited me out the other night at her apartment. I really like her, but I'm not ready to pursue anything further right now (I really want to get in shape before I do anything), but at the same time I want to make my feelings known. I'm debating giving her a confession letter along with a late Christmas gift.

In truth, I'm not even sure I'll have the confidence to give her the letter; but I feel compelled to.

This is just a first draft. It's a bit embarrassing to share it; but at the same time I need some feedback. The last thing I'd want is to come across as weird and drive her away. What does Facepunch think?

[B]Response[/B], everyone thought the letter was a bad way of responding and possibly fucking everything up. After careful consideration, I had to agree. It seemed good at time putting my thoughts to paper, but it does seem like too much.

[B]Post 2:[/B]

I'm still feeling shitty. I'm actually crying because I can't resolve what to do. I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders. I've got no experience in this area. Remember how I said that I was invited out one night; that was the first night I've actually left my house aside from school/work/gym in a long, long, long time. And it was the first time I've actually gone to a girl's apartment, even if it was with some other coworkers, I still appreciated every single moment of it.

My goal in my head is simple; I want to lose as much weight as I can and tone up in the shortest period of time. But that was my plan last year, and I had some success (Lost around ~30 pounds). I want to lose at least that much weight, or maybe more, by April. But I know that even the best intentions don't mean shit (This spring semester I'll have less free time to devote to the gym).

Sorry, I don't mean to whine, I realize I'm whining. The only other thought I have is possibly talking to other coworkers about how I feel, but I wouldn't want it getting back to her. So really, it seems like I'm screwed.[/QUOTE]
oh god good thing you didn't send that letter

i don't want to sound mean but that letter is filled with self pity and that just makes people feel uncomfortable

tbh don't worry about your weight being unattractive, it's how you carry yourself that matters, you need to stand up straight, don't lower your head, nor raise it too high, i mean lose weight just for your health but don't think that it makes you unattractive

[MuffinZerg]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;43253332]Everything I do is terrible. I can't draw or paint because I don't understand perspective, shadows and everything else. I tried being gm for a forum game but I am bad at writing and I messed it all up.
I can't make source maps very well and I quit the guitar and drums because I didn't learn fast enough. I am too lazy to learn how to animate and draw even though that is what what I want to do. I'm going to college in two years and I don't think I will be good enough to get in.[/QUOTE]
Seems like you tried to learn alone so far. I suggest you take group classes, preferably something of an outside activity type.

You could just get some guys to teach you how to skate or get ace at roleblading.
You have to finish at least something to get confident enough to learn anything.

[I Fail At Lua]

SNIP

[chinatown]

Good stuff, although I would never do a dinner and a movie as a first date

[I Fail At Lua]

SNIP

[chinatown]

Something uncomplicated. Stuff like a coffee is pretty casual and easy, not much can go wrong, and you get to talk to her the whole time. If you want to kick it up a notch go with her out for a drink, not like in a pub but a chill bar that serves cocktails for example. And if you do that youre only allowed to order 2 fingers on the rocks

Point is, movies dont promote any comunication. You sit there and dont talk, might as well be alone. Dinners can work, but they already set the bar pretty high up, and even higher if you plan on paying it. And besides, Im not a big fan of talking and stuffing my face with food at the same time, but thats just me

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;43252606]so basically the girl I used to date sent me this long text about how she wishes she listened to me about her new boyfriend cause he's apparently been emotionally abusing her lately
he's going around telling all his friends what she does sexually

this is not a good kind of feel[/QUOTE]

Tell her to dump his ass, she shouldn't let him get away with doing shit like this, the only reason he's doing it is because he knows he can get away with it.

[Dick Slamfist]

[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;43255028]Tell her to dump his ass, she shouldn't let him get away with doing shit like this, the only reason he's doing it is because he knows he can get away with it.[/QUOTE]

I told her to dump him, her sister told her to dump him, her sister tells me the family tells her to dump him so I unno

[Inspector Jones]

So, update; I'm feeling a bit better (Actually much better). I've got somewhat of a plan; which is work on improving myself during the year with as much effort as I possibly can. I consulted one of my other friends at work about how I feel, which was a big gamble, but she had some sage-life advice, similar to what everyone on Facepunch has been saying, which is work on improving myself and my attitude specifically (I'm kind of a downer at times). So even if I have to fake it, I'm going to try being a little more out-going all the while hopefully keeping going out with this girl. I feel like the more I get invited out, the more I'll have to talk about.

So in the end, while it was kind of embarrassing, I'm glad I consulted Facepunch. I hope that one day in 2014, I can report back with happier news; as long as she doesn't end up in a relationship, I don't plan on changing course. I'm feeling a bit more up-beat right now. It's a small weight lifted from my shoulders.

[RainbowStalin]

[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;43255509]I told her to dump him, her sister told her to dump him, her sister tells me the family tells her to dump him so I unno[/QUOTE]

Well then she has no one to blame but herself if this guy treats her like shit. I know she is your friend and this probably sounds harsh but she can walk away from this relationship any time she wants.

[Rofl_copter]

really hate people who clearly see your texts and don't respond for the entire night

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;43253332]Everything I do is terrible. I can't draw or paint because I don't understand perspective, shadows and everything else. I tried being gm for a forum game but I am bad at writing and I messed it all up.
I can't make source maps very well and I quit the guitar and drums because I didn't learn fast enough. I am too lazy to learn how to animate and draw even though that is what what I want to do. I'm going to college in two years and I don't think I will be good enough to get in.[/QUOTE]

Mannly made a post a while back about not quiting etc. If you want to learn to draw join the creative work thread, its intimidating since most others in there have already done a year or two of school, and you wont always get a ton of feedback starting out but its a good place to learn. And/or I would be willing to help. I need something to keep myself motivated to keep learning at the moment as well

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;43253332]Everything I do is terrible. I can't draw or paint because I don't understand perspective, shadows and everything else. I tried being gm for a forum game but I am bad at writing and I messed it all up.
I can't make source maps very well and I quit the guitar and drums because I didn't learn fast enough. I am too lazy to learn how to animate and draw even though that is what what I want to do. I'm going to college in two years and I don't think I will be good enough to get in.[/QUOTE]

If you don't understand something then learn it. Great artists aren't born with knowledge of technique. You need to accept that you're bad at something and figure out what specifically you're bad at to try and get better.

And here's the post Rhenae mentioned, could help: [url]http://facepunch.com/showthread.php?t=1257818&p=42964167&highlight=#post42964167[/url]

[Daniel Smith]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;43256457]Mannly made a post a while back about not quiting etc. If you want to learn to draw join the creative work thread, its intimidating since most others in there have already done a year or two of school, and you wont always get a ton of feedback starting out but its a good place to learn. And/or I would be willing to help. I need something to keep myself motivated to keep learning at the moment as well[/QUOTE]

[URL="http://i.imgur.com/5KXzIVh.png"]Heres a quick two minute comic that explains my entire experience with people, both in real life and online.[/URL]

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;43256874][URL="http://i.imgur.com/5KXzIVh.png"]Heres a quick two minute comic that explains my entire experience with people, both in real life and online.[/URL][/QUOTE]

Have you ever tried asking for critique? Any person who comments on a piece I put effort in to I ask them to pick a critisism of some sort (if they are non artist) or if they are an artist just ask for a straight up critque.
Showing to people and asking for improvement are usually pretty different. But that is the sort of response most people get, unless they are very skilled

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Daniel Smith;43256874][URL="http://i.imgur.com/5KXzIVh.png"]Heres a quick two minute comic that explains my entire experience with people, both in real life and online.[/URL][/QUOTE]

Non-artists won't be helpful in any way to you improving and artists won't be helpful unless you show you're not just looking for attention. I used to give critique on a writing forum regularly and 99% of the people who came through who weren't regulars would get upset as soon as someone took their time to give serious, sincere advice, even if they had said in their post that they were looking for critique.

[Daniel Smith]

It's just that when I was younger I used to be even worse and I made shitty little animations, and instead of constructive criticism I got lots of hate.
That was a long time ago but I am not used to getting actually useful constructive criticism so it makes feel uncomfortable. I am trying to chance my attitude but it would take time.

[Guy Mannly]

It really depends on the site. I don't know how creationism corner on FP is but I'm generally not very trusting of this site's community because of how young the average user is. For writing in particular, there are a lot of forums largely made up of professional writers or English majors who have some level of credibility to what they're saying. If you were to take an art class in school, I'm sure your teacher would be happy to advise you on technique if you asked.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;43258435]It really depends on the site. I don't know how creationism corner on FP is but I'm generally not very trusting of this site's community because of how young the average user is. For writing in particular, there are a lot of forums largely made up of professional writers or English majors who have some level of credibility to what they're saying. If you were to take an art class in school, I'm sure your teacher would be happy to advise you on technique if you asked.[/QUOTE]

Most of the people who give advice in creative work thread (main place for sharing and learning in there) are good, usually a few years in to college art degrees.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;43258435]It really depends on the site. I don't know how creationism corner on FP is but I'm generally not very trusting of this site's community because of how young the average user is. For writing in particular, there are a lot of forums largely made up of professional writers or English majors who have some level of credibility to what they're saying. If you were to take an art class in school, I'm sure your teacher would be happy to advise you on technique if you asked.[/QUOTE]
Creationism corner is pretty good about CC

[Jo The Shmo]

[QUOTE=Inspector Jones;43251305]Re posting here on advice from the creationism corner...

[B]Post 1:[/B]

So, I have a crush on my supervisor at work (We're around the same age, 23). I've been working there almost two years. I'm really shy and overweight, but she and the other people she hangs out there treat me very nice (More then I deserve), and they even invited me out the other night at her apartment. I really like her, but I'm not ready to pursue anything further right now (I really want to get in shape before I do anything), but at the same time I want to make my feelings known. I'm debating giving her a confession letter along with a late Christmas gift.

In truth, I'm not even sure I'll have the confidence to give her the letter; but I feel compelled to.

This is just a first draft. It's a bit embarrassing to share it; but at the same time I need some feedback. The last thing I'd want is to come across as weird and drive her away. What does Facepunch think?

[B]Response[/B], everyone thought the letter was a bad way of responding and possibly fucking everything up. After careful consideration, I had to agree. It seemed good at time putting my thoughts to paper, but it does seem like too much.

[B]Post 2:[/B]

I'm still feeling shitty. I'm actually crying because I can't resolve what to do. I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders. I've got no experience in this area. Remember how I said that I was invited out one night; that was the first night I've actually left my house aside from school/work/gym in a long, long, long time. And it was the first time I've actually gone to a girl's apartment, even if it was with some other coworkers, I still appreciated every single moment of it.

My goal in my head is simple; I want to lose as much weight as I can and tone up in the shortest period of time. But that was my plan last year, and I had some success (Lost around ~30 pounds). I want to lose at least that much weight, or maybe more, by April. But I know that even the best intentions don't mean shit (This spring semester I'll have less free time to devote to the gym).

Sorry, I don't mean to whine, I realize I'm whining. The only other thought I have is possibly talking to other coworkers about how I feel, but I wouldn't want it getting back to her. So really, it seems like I'm screwed.[/QUOTE]

you seem to be really focused on losing weight, which is good and all, at least you have motivation and drive

but you gotta remember losing weight isn't an end-all for depression, and it doesn't magically give you more confidence.
you should start trying to focus on the positive qualities you already have, and bring those out more, instead of trying to get rid of the negative qualities (that might not actually be so bad)

[Guy Mannly]

To add to that, losing weight and being healthy aren't the same thing. Undereating or can just cause more emotional problems for you, and you don't need to be trying to lose weight to live a healthy lifestyle. Your physical appearance won't have anywhere near as much of an impact on your mood as eating healthy, getting enough exercise and sunlight, and sleeping regularly.

[editline]21st December 2013[/editline]

The other thing is that your body image and what your body actually looks like are two very different things. Just losing weight won't necessarily change anything, not even how you view yourself. On the other hand, if you find other ways to deal with your depression, your body image may change and you may find yourself more content with your appearance.