• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;43870042]I just don't understand why the hell are you so super-friendly and then out of nothing start ignoring.[/QUOTE] people can be complex and unpredictable. You probably do the same to others and don't notice it. Maybe something came up, and what they want change, so they act differently. I've learned that it's almost impossible to predict someone's feelings unless you have known them a very long time
So, after a few months of moping around about how I'm shit at social conversation in person, I thought I'd try my luck with online date sites, because I'm probably better at talking through a screen than in person, right? Nope. I'm fucking shit at both. I don't know what it is, but I just repel women. I have no good conversation skills at all. What the fuck is wrong with me?
[QUOTE=Emugod;43870284]So, after a few months of moping around about how I'm shit at social conversation in person, I thought I'd try my luck with online date sites, because I'm probably better at talking through a screen than in person, right? Nope. I'm fucking shit at both. I don't know what it is, but I just repel women. I have no good conversation skills at all. What the fuck is wrong with me?[/QUOTE] I sometimes feel that way too. Something that might make you feel better is that if you meet someone you connect with, you'll be able to talk easier with them. Sometimes not being able to have good conversations doesn't mean you're shit, it just means that the person you're talking to might not be someone you're very compatible with. If you're not patient you can try to force conversation on people who you're really not good with, creating a cycle of self-doubt. Ease up a little and think that once you meet someone you're excited to talk to it should come naturally.
Well fuck. With all the will of the world it's damn hard to "move that man up". She's in my class ands it's been like 6 monthes that I see her every school day. We're in different friend groups, she can't bear one of my friends because this stupid ass was almost harassing her close friend trying to hang out with her. She's not very open to the people that are outside of her riend group; Everyday I try to share a few words but she's never alone, and don't seem to care about me. I guess that's because we are classmates since september and I'm just a part of her school scenery. Damn it.
[QUOTE=Emugod;43870284]So, after a few months of moping around about how I'm shit at social conversation in person, I thought I'd try my luck with online date sites, because I'm probably better at talking through a screen than in person, right? Nope. I'm fucking shit at both. I don't know what it is, but I just repel women. I have no good conversation skills at all. What the fuck is wrong with me?[/QUOTE] Whats the problem though? Can't think of what to say? Talk about the wrong things?
I think I know why she wouldn't want to talk to me, because I am a crazy foreign unknown human being who does stuff like this in free time: [IMG]http://puu.sh/6Swsd.jpg[/IMG]
[QUOTE=jackattack;43874343]Whats the problem though? Can't think of what to say? Talk about the wrong things?[/QUOTE] I guess I just say the wrongs things. Wrong introductions, strange messages, etc. I'm not sure. But, several girls that had messaged me first just stopped replying to my messages. Also a problem of not knowing what to say. Kinda sad that I have that same problem both in real life and over the internet. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to find someone if I can't even talk to a girl over the internet correctly.
[QUOTE=Emugod;43875476]I guess I just say the wrongs things. Wrong introductions, strange messages, etc. I'm not sure. But, several girls that had messaged me first just stopped replying to my messages. Also a problem of not knowing what to say. Kinda sad that I have that same problem both in real life and over the internet. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to find someone if I can't even talk to a girl over the internet correctly.[/QUOTE] Well, can you talk to guy friends normally? If so then you need to stop pushing such a wall between genders, i know its not much use saying because "can't talk to girls" is a huge problem for loads of people, mainly due to the mere though of "its a girl what do i say" but it helped me to stop thinking of them as scary girls and instead as people but with boobs and stuff. I know its difficult but you need to work on it, just try to start up a casual conversation every now and then, practice makes perfect and whatnot.
I have really long conversations with girls that go well, but I don't really flirt or make moves, which is my problem
[QUOTE=jackattack;43875718]Well, can you talk to guy friends normally? If so then you need to stop pushing such a wall between genders, i know its not much use saying because "can't talk to girls" is a huge problem for loads of people, mainly due to the mere though of "its a girl what do i say" but it helped me to stop thinking of them as scary girls and instead as people but with boobs and stuff. I know its difficult but you need to work on it, just try to start up a casual conversation every now and then, practice makes perfect and whatnot.[/QUOTE] It's not just females I have a problem having a conversation with. It's everyone. I'm fine talking to my friends because I'm comfortable around them. But, I can't go near a new person without feeling anxiety and nervousness. I just get a bunch of thoughts of, "Will they accept me?", "Will I say something stupid?", "Will I do something stupid?". In other words, I have fairly low self esteem. Even with my friends, I'm not a good conversationalist. In a group, I'm kind of fine with a little anxiety and whatnot. One-on-one scares the living shit out of me. I've had plenty of times when I'm sitting at lunch/dinner with a friend, I have nothing to say, and there's just that moment of silence where we just sit there and eat food. I'm better at just listening and responding, though not very much better.
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;43869774]oh great she ignored me today when I said 'hi' to her when we were walking past each other. Now I think it is completely pointless to do anything for 14th. [editline]11th February 2014[/editline] fucking awesome. Do I have anti-girlfriend aura or what.[/QUOTE] Haven't read your previous posts so I don't know if it's an ongoing thing with her ignoring you, but someone not responding to you when you greet them while walking past doesn't mean anything. Sometimes people greet me and I don't notice, same with when I greet others.
I just asked this girl out to sushi for valentine's day through text and she said yes. what the fuck, the thread title actually works????
[QUOTE=Rammaster;43879944]I just asked this girl out to sushi for valentine's day through text and she said yes. what the fuck, the thread title actually works????[/QUOTE] you mean asking a girl out is actually possible omg what?!?!?!
[QUOTE=ForDaNords;43878239]Haven't read your previous posts so I don't know if it's an ongoing thing with her ignoring you, but someone not responding to you when you greet them while walking past doesn't mean anything. Sometimes people greet me and I don't notice, same with when I greet others.[/QUOTE] But it wasn't one time she ignored. I've greeted her a couple of times already and she just didn't respond. And once she was talking to everyone around in art studio because she was bored and she even looked at me, but walked past. I've got no explanation on why did she act normal to me when we were standing near each other while doing some art stuff.
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;43880101]But it wasn't one time she ignored. I've greeted her a couple of times already and she just didn't respond. And once she was talking to everyone around in art studio because she was bored and she even looked at me, but walked past. I've got no explanation on why did she act normal to me when we were standing near each other while doing some art stuff.[/QUOTE] cause a lot of your posts in here aren't exhibiting fantastic self confidence before trying to love someone else make sure u love urself first :)
I hate the feeling that I'll never be ever to fall for someone again, I think I'm getting over this girl and I do feel a lot better and I hope that things continue to progress this way. She chose the other guy over my friend and he is really upset and I'm just being there for him. Having feelings for someone who doesn't like you back is shit.
[QUOTE=Rammaster;43879944]I just asked this girl out to sushi for valentine's day through text and she said yes. what the fuck, the thread title actually works????[/QUOTE] Apparently not for me. Tried that twice with the same girl. Agreed both times but ditched me both times.
[QUOTE=Emugod;43880306]Apparently not for me. Tried that twice with the same girl. Agreed both times but ditched me both times.[/QUOTE] Don't worry. I have the same fear, that's happened to me way too many times before too. But we seem pretty set with this one. I guess we will see, I'm feeling pretty good about this one though! Gotta keep a positive attitude
[QUOTE=Rammaster;43880367]Don't worry. I have the same fear, that's happened to me way too many times before too. But we seem pretty set with this one. I guess we will see, I'm feeling pretty good about this one though! Gotta keep a positive attitude[/QUOTE] Good luck and all the best to you, man!
So theres a girl I have been talking to since just before christmas, we met up a lot and everything (my friends, her friends.) About a month ago she was going through a rough time with her ex boyfriend and her friends, her friends giving her shit 24/7 and so was her ex. She always spoke to me for advice which I thought was sweet. She opened up to me a lot and so did I, She wanted advice on what to do with her ex so I just told her to text him and tell him to just stop it, tell him you can either be friends or just ignore him. She felt a lot better after she done that and told me how I was pretty understanding. This is where in my opinion, it gets a little fucked up. I was talking to her just like I would in general over facebook. But then all of a sudden she just comes up as "Facebook User" (meaning she blocked me) I was really confused, afterwards both her and her friends block me on both Snapchat and Facebook. I was really confused considering they didnt block any of my friends, So they decided to ask them why they blocked me. there excuse was "Need to get on with school work" Because I didnt have a phone to try and contact them with, I just went along with it and ignored it for a week or two. Then all of a sudden, one day in town with my friends. She comes up to me and pulls me to one side and just says sorry, then explained that she didnt want to upset both me and herself with all her problems. I just replied with a "Its okay, I understand" and walked off with my friends without saying bye or anything, I felt really shitty after this so I got a friend of mine to send her a message asking her to unblock me and speak to me over facebook. the following day she unblocks me and we both talk. She explained that she wanted a break from everyone, but she thought I'd worry about her and she didnt want me to worry about her. (her blocking me worried me shitless, she could of just said that beforehand, Then I would of understood...) I asked why she blocked JUST me and she then just said how my friends obviously dont care about her and then just says how I have done nothing wrong. I ended the conversation by just saying that when she feels better, she can just add me back on facebook so we can talk about everything, she replies that she definitely wants to catch up soon week later (last friday) I sent her a message asking if everythings better yet, but im still waiting for a reply:( I was really hoping to ask her out on a date saturday or something, try and cheer her up and everything. I really like her but I just dont know whats going on, does she like me or not? I dont fking know... (sorry if there are parts that are hard to understand, I found it hard trying to explain it in word)
[QUOTE=Emugod;43876402]It's not just females I have a problem having a conversation with. It's everyone. I'm fine talking to my friends because I'm comfortable around them. But, I can't go near a new person without feeling anxiety and nervousness. I just get a bunch of thoughts of, "Will they accept me?", "Will I say something stupid?", "Will I do something stupid?". In other words, I have fairly low self esteem. Even with my friends, I'm not a good conversationalist. In a group, I'm kind of fine with a little anxiety and whatnot. One-on-one scares the living shit out of me. I've had plenty of times when I'm sitting at lunch/dinner with a friend, I have nothing to say, and there's just that moment of silence where we just sit there and eat food. I'm better at just listening and responding, though not very much better.[/QUOTE] You need to stop giving a fuck about what other people think. And definitely stop trying to get other people to like you. Like literally who cares if you say or do something other people don't appreciate. If they were actually your friends they wouldn't care, because newsflash: not everyone in the world will like you, and if they don't, then find better friends. You come in here every time and think there's some magic trick to circle around your anxiety when in reality, if you want to overcome your anxiety, the only way to do that is to keep putting yourself in uncomfortable situations until they don't affect you anymore. You also say you suck with girls based on talking to two. Two is nothing. You have to keep approaching more and more girls and when you do it you'll look back and realize it's not that hard and laugh at yourself. After approaching and talking to more and more girls, statistically you will find someone that you connect with. So next time, put yourself in situations you find uncomfortable. You say you're afraid of not being accepted or doing or saying something stupid. Just say what [i]you[/i] want to say and what [i]you[/i] think is funny. You also said you feel nervous in one-on-one interactions, so keep doing those until you stop feeling awkward about it. And if the people you hang out with or girls you talk to don't appreciate you being yourself, go talk to better people. Because that's all it is, stepping outside of your comfort zone.
[QUOTE=LordCrypto;43880146]cause a lot of your posts in here aren't exhibiting fantastic self confidence before trying to love someone else make sure u love urself first :)[/QUOTE] How do you do that?
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;43882173]How do you do that?[/QUOTE] Do things you're good at. If you're not good with girls, step back, do what you love. Someone will notice, especially if you do what you love with other people.
[QUOTE=Emugod;43870284]So, after a few months of moping around about how [b]I'm shit at social conversation[/b] in person, I thought I'd try my luck with online date sites, because I'm probably better at talking through a screen than in person, right? Nope. I'm fucking shit at both. I don't know what it is, but I just repel women. I have no good conversation skills at all. [b]What the fuck is wrong with me?[/b][/QUOTE] Here is your problem. Believe me when I say this is a toxic way of thinking, because it sounds like something I would have said a year or two ago. Trust me when I say that suddenly being good at talking with people will not magically make you happy. Even when you do manage to bust out of your shell and start hanging out with groups of people and being able to crack jokes that everyone laughs at, it won't stop you from losing sleep every night wondering why you're not good enough. Especially, and [i]especially trust me[/i] when I say that any relationship that you forge with another person that you start because you're trying to be [i]someone you are not[/i] [b]will[/b] cause a lot of grief for the both of you. That is a promise believe me. So what if you're a hermit? So what if conversation isn't your forte? So goddamn what if you're not a stud who can attract any woman he wants? [b]None of those things have anything at all to do with your worth as a person.[/b] I emphasize this so much because the shit I had to go through to figure this out for myself was a miserable ride that affected more people than just myself and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I am a lot happier now even if I'm not objectively well off right now, but it did come at a price. So do yourself a favor and drop the need to be accepted by everyone and just accept yourself. Fuck everyone else, man.
[QUOTE=Rammaster;43879944]I just asked this girl out to sushi for valentine's day through text and she said yes. what the fuck, the thread title actually works????[/QUOTE] I know right. My case makes me quite proud of myself, considering i'm in an IT college course of 111 people, and about 5 of them are girls. And i got one of them, partly because 30 other guys didn't have the balls.
[QUOTE=HighdefGE;43881706]You need to stop giving a fuck about what other people think. And definitely stop trying to get other people to like you. Like literally who cares if you say or do something other people don't appreciate. If they were actually your friends they wouldn't care, because newsflash: not everyone in the world will like you, and if they don't, then find better friends.[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Raxas;43882709]So do yourself a favor and drop the need to be accepted by everyone and just accept yourself. Fuck everyone else, man.[/QUOTE] I know that, and it's something I'm working on with a counselor. But, it's hard to not think about what others will think if you already hate everything about yourself. All you want to think about is the bad in yourself. And you believe that others will think the same way you do. I know I need to practice talking to people, but when you have panic attacks just walking near people, it's kind of hard. I know I come in here time and time again and complain about my irrational problems, and I'm sorry for that. I probably wouldn't have come in here, but when you don't have an appointment with your counselor for 3 weeks, you really want to get some advice or just talk to someone.
[QUOTE=Emugod;43884691]I know that, and it's something I'm working on with a counselor. But, it's hard to not think about what others will think if you already hate everything about yourself. All you want to think about is the bad in yourself. And you believe that others will think the same way you do. I know I need to practice talking to people, but when you have panic attacks just walking near people, it's kind of hard. I know I come in here time and time again and complain about my irrational problems, and I'm sorry for that. I probably wouldn't have come in here, but when you don't have an appointment with your counselor for 3 weeks, you really want to get some advice or just talk to someone.[/QUOTE] No no, man, it's not irrational. I had a lot of difficulty coming to terms myself, and I had posted in here about it in the past as well. Heck, even after I came home from college, it took me months of reflection and groveling and breaking down to come to a sound conclusion as to what I did wrong- let alone make peace with it- and I didn't even arrive there without medication and therapy. It wasn't easy for me, and I wouldn't expect you to have difficulty either. The negative thoughts can really get a hell of a deathgrip on your mind, almost like they monopolize your ability to think. I hope it's consolation if I say that, though, once you manage to finally clear your head of them, even if only for a little while, things do become much clearer, and you can finally think rationally and objectively and take it to heart as well. Those negative thoughts have a much, much harder time getting a foothold in your thought process after. Recovering from it is so much easier from there on out. Also, don't apologize. Maybe I have a strong sense of empathy, but being able to relate to others who are having troubles and to give advice or tell stories that can offer them insight and help them out, even in small ways, is something I just like to do, and I do it only because I want to. I hope I speak for everyone else when I say that, too. [editline]12th February 2014[/editline] Also, if I came across at all harshly or strongly, it's not because I look down upon you for your difficulties or problems, but because I feel very strongly about the things I went through and I feel especially strongly about how much I would [i]not[/i] wish to see someone else go through that kind of emotional turmoil- at least, not without a little help.
[QUOTE=Glitchman;43882202]Do things you're good at. If you're not good with girls, step back, do what you love. Someone will notice, especially if you do what you love with other people.[/QUOTE] Well I play games with friends over Internet, I can do some art, and I want to develop video games. yup seems like a good combo for playing with friends at home all day type of life. [editline]12th February 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=jackattack;43884381]I know right. My case makes me quite proud of myself, considering i'm in an IT college course of 111 people, and about 5 of them are girls. And i got one of them, partly because 30 other guys didn't have the balls.[/QUOTE] oh okay
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My close female friend texted me this morning. "Just woke up. Oh yeah I was dreaming about you last night. Not gonna say what happened, but I will say that you did a pretty good job." Hmm.
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