Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[redBadger]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44001979]Posted here awhile ago about how I got pretty much cheated on etc by a girl who had just told me she loved me too (but didn't mean it.) and how I got lead on and all this shit yada yada

Anyways I didn't take some of your advice and cut off all contact, because I thought that showed signs of weakness even more, so I was like whatever I'll get over with and stay friends with her. But (of course) I haven't got over her, and she calls me yesterday to tell me how shes in love with the guy she cheated on me with (I always felt like she had feelings for him because they had a thing before she met me) and all this gushy shit about their emotional talk they had after they hooked up the other night (yeah she's telling me all this, what the fuck?)

I just sat there silent listening on the phone, pretending not to seem bothered by it at all, but holy shit that CRUSHED me. These past few months have been miserable at random times still staying close with her, and I wonder why the fuck I subject myself to this. I've started talking to other girls awhile back, but I can never seem to muster the interest to keep it going (I think this is more my fault than any of the girls I talk to.)

I guess this post isn't really going anywhere but venting, and the obvious thing to do would be to stop talking to her, what else can I do right? But doing so just makes me feel like a terribly vulnerable person not to mention it feels immature..[/QUOTE]

I had a situation almost exactly like yours. Only thing different is that the other guy ended up being my suite mate at university :v:

[editline]21st February 2014[/editline]

Personally, I find removing them from my contacts/facebook/etc is a great way to get over things. Sure, going back and thinking about them still hurts, but at least I don't have to be reminded of their existence nor do I have the temptation to message them in hope that something might have changed (which it never will).

Just remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea all of whom are completely different from one another. I find keeping this mentality gets me through the day.

[editline]21st February 2014[/editline]

Also there's nothing immature about removing someone from your life. She screwed you over, nothing more to it.

[ramirez!]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44001979]Posted here awhile ago about how I got pretty much cheated on etc by a girl who had just told me she loved me too (but didn't mean it.) and how I got lead on and all this shit yada yada

Anyways I didn't take some of your advice and cut off all contact, because I thought that showed signs of weakness even more, so I was like whatever I'll get over with and stay friends with her. But (of course) I haven't got over her, and she calls me yesterday to tell me how shes in love with the guy she cheated on me with (I always felt like she had feelings for him because they had a thing before she met me) and all this gushy shit about their emotional talk they had after they hooked up the other night (yeah she's telling me all this, what the fuck?)

I just sat there silent listening on the phone, pretending not to seem bothered by it at all, but holy shit that CRUSHED me. These past few months have been miserable at random times still staying close with her, and I wonder why the fuck I subject myself to this. I've started talking to other girls awhile back, but I can never seem to muster the interest to keep it going (I think this is more my fault than any of the girls I talk to.)

I guess this post isn't really going anywhere but venting, and the obvious thing to do would be to stop talking to her, what else can I do right? But doing so just makes me feel like a terribly vulnerable person not to mention it feels immature..[/QUOTE]

Kinda sounds like she's trying to rub it in. Next time she tries pulling that shit, I'd say find/invent a reason that you're busy and hang up.

[lum1naire]

[QUOTE=redBadger;44002821]I had a situation almost exactly like yours. Only thing different is that the other guy ended up being my suite mate at university :v:

[editline]21st February 2014[/editline]

Personally, I find removing them from my contacts/facebook/etc is a great way to get over things. Sure, going back and thinking about them still hurts, but at least I don't have to be reminded of their existence nor do I have the temptation to message them in hope that something might have changed (which it never will).

Just remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea all of whom are completely different from one another. I find keeping this mentality gets me through the day.

[editline]21st February 2014[/editline]

Also there's nothing immature about removing someone from your life. She screwed you over, nothing more to it.[/QUOTE]

I feel the same way. It's how I got over a girl I was incredibly infatuated with that I [I]thought[/I] I loved, but really I was just 17 and immature so after a couple of months of not seeing her on any social media I hardly remembered I ever had feelings for her.

Just can't figure out why it's becoming such a difficult task to do the same thing in this situation, asides from the fact that I hate hurting peoples feelings, which sounds stupid after what she pulled with me I know.

[editline]22nd February 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=ramirez!;44002879]Kinda sounds like she's trying to rub it in. Next time she tries pulling that shit, I'd say find/invent a reason that you're busy and hang up.[/QUOTE]

She might be.. she seems to be interested in knowing if I'm hooking up with anyone, it almost feels like she's rubbing it in sometimes whether intentionally or unintentionally I don't know.

I will tell you that shit fucks with self esteem harsh sometimes though

God damn, reading all this shit makes me wonder why I've kept talking to her still

[fear me]

[QUOTE=ramirez!;44002879]Kinda sounds like she's trying to rub it in. Next time she tries pulling that shit, [B]I'd say "fuck you" and hang up.[/B][/QUOTE]

ftfy

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44001979]Posted here awhile ago about how I got pretty much cheated on etc by a girl who had just told me she loved me too (but didn't mean it.) and how I got lead on and all this shit yada yada

Anyways I didn't take some of your advice and cut off all contact, because I thought that showed signs of weakness even more, so I was like whatever I'll get over with and stay friends with her. But (of course) I haven't got over her, and she calls me yesterday to tell me how shes in love with the guy she cheated on me with (I always felt like she had feelings for him because they had a thing before she met me) and all this gushy shit about their emotional talk they had after they hooked up the other night (yeah she's telling me all this, what the fuck?)

I just sat there silent listening on the phone, pretending not to seem bothered by it at all, but holy shit that CRUSHED me. These past few months have been miserable at random times still staying close with her, and I wonder why the fuck I subject myself to this. I've started talking to other girls awhile back, but I can never seem to muster the interest to keep it going (I think this is more my fault than any of the girls I talk to.)

I guess this post isn't really going anywhere but venting, and the obvious thing to do would be to stop talking to her, what else can I do right? But doing so just makes me feel like a terribly vulnerable person not to mention it feels immature..[/QUOTE]

Cutting yourself off from someone isn't weak, nor is it a sign of weakness. But even if it was, who cares what she thinks of you for doing it? Considering she's just told you all that shit she obviously couldn't give a single shit about your feelings. I really think if she's doing that you just need to say "well fuck this" in your head and just completely not bother with her. Be civil but firm. There's no need to tell her to fuck herself or anything. Just remove yourself from her life and remove her from yours except in the most broad terms.

Your wellbeing matters most, not that someone who pulled that shit on you thinks you're 'weak'. Why should you listen to a person like that? You're better than that.

[lum1naire]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;44005174]Cutting yourself off from someone isn't weak, nor is it a sign of weakness. But even if it was, who cares what she thinks of you for doing it? Considering she's just told you all that shit she obviously couldn't give a single shit about your feelings. I really think if she's doing that you just need to say "well fuck this" in your head and just completely not bother with her. Be civil but firm. There's no need to tell her to fuck herself or anything. Just remove yourself from her life and remove her from yours except in the most broad terms.

Your wellbeing matters most, not that someone who pulled that shit on you thinks you're 'weak'. Why should you listen to a person like that? You're better than that.[/QUOTE]

It's not just that, there's a feeling of guilt attached to doing it too. I actually did try cutting off contact once before right after we had broken up, she was in hysterics. I felt terrible for making her cry and told her we can try being friends. By that I meant just being on good terms, but she took it as being 'best friends' and was still calling me as often as she had when we dated (near every damn day). I didn't have the heart to make a big deal out of it. Especially when she's telling me shit like 'you're my favorite person in the world,' but at the same time saying 'you're such a nice guy.' (which sucks obv)

I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel a bit guilty cutting her off because of how attached I think she is, but at the same time I feel I have to whether she understands it or not.

[Emugod]

Does anyone get bothered by girls who reply with one or two word sentences? I'm trying to having this conversation with a girl I met on a dating site, and she gives me nothing else to talk about or lead into another conversation. If I ask her a question, all she responds with is "Yeah". If I add something to the conversation or reply to something she says, she replies with "Cool" or "Yeah". I don't know why, but it really bothers me. She seems like a cool person, I just wish we could have an actual conversation.

Besides her, I'm not having much luck on dating sites. Most of the girls I message don't respond and some of the girls that message me I'm not interested in. I think I might just be impatient...

Also, is it bad that I judge attractiveness by looks? I honestly will not respond to a girl that I find unattractive, and I feel bad about it.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44009513]Does anyone get bothered by girls who reply with one or two word sentences? I'm trying to having this conversation with a girl I met on a dating site, and she gives me nothing else to talk about or lead into another conversation. If I ask her a question, all she responds with is "Yeah". If I add something to the conversation or reply to something she says, she replies with "Cool" or "Yeah". I don't know why, but it really bothers me. She seems like a cool person, I just wish we could have an actual conversation.

Besides her, I'm not having much luck on dating sites. Most of the girls I message don't respond and some of the girls that message me I'm not interested in. I think I might just be impatient...

Also, is it bad that I judge attractiveness by looks? I honestly will not respond to a girl that I find unattractive, and I feel bad about it.[/QUOTE]

If she isnt responding she probably isnt very interested dude.

[chinatown]

If shes responding with 1 word replies, maybe you should tell us what you're writing her. That may be the problem.

As for judging, if by "unattractive" you mean some ugly fat ogre, its ok and maybe its not what you like. If by "unattractive" you mean a normal girl who you consider ok but not hot and therefore you dont talk to them, then it doesnt mean its bad, just that youre probably missing out on some action that could be happening later on.

[Emugod]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;44009742]If she isnt responding she probably isnt very interested dude.[/QUOTE]

Well, yea, I assumed that for most of the girls I message. The girl I mentioned, on the other hand, seems a bit interested in me, if that's who you were referring to as "her".

[QUOTE=D3TBS;44009754]If shes responding with 1 word replies, maybe you should tell us what you're writing her. That may be the problem.
[/QUOTE]

This is a conversation we had

[thumb]http://i.imgur.com/TdsVjsF.png[/thumb]

She responded with "No, I'm getting my GED" after my last message.

[QUOTE=D3TBS;44009754]As for judging, if by "unattractive" you mean some ugly fat ogre, its ok and maybe its not what you like. If by "unattractive" you mean a normal girl who you consider ok but not hot and therefore you dont talk to them, then it doesnt mean its bad, just that youre probably missing out on some action that could be happening later on.[/QUOTE]

I find normal, cute girls attractive. I don't really like, nor want to go out with a "hot" girl. I just feel like I might be a bit judgmental in regards to looks especially since I'm not a shining example of attractiveness, in my opinion.

Lastly, how do you introduce yourself on dating sites? I can't for the life of me write a message that makes me sound interested and doesn't feel like the introduction to a 12 page essay.

[JackAttack]

I was talking with an old friend today about life and the like and he mentioned someone whom i had not seen for a while. This is a girl who had strung me along for a year, rejected me because there was another guy she was hoping would maybe ask her out, turned to me to help deal with her problems, and finally got me drunk and told me she loved me due to needing a quick fuck, until a prettier guy showed up that is. I fucking hate this girl. So i asked how she was and he said not great, about how she was doing badly and due to the indecent with me becoming public her boyfriend had broken up with her and other guys and her friends were staying away. I said that's bad and all but seeing as how it had gone from her having a perfectly happy life and me being depressed and fucked over all the time to her being depressed and fucked over all the time and me having a perfectly happy life, i couldn't help but smile to myself a bit.

That's the context out of the way, now the problem. I am meeting this guy again next week, as well as a couple of other people i haven't seen for ages and naturally want to see them again. But I've received a message saying a couple of others are coming too, including the girl mentioned above. I know she's going to try to talk to me about something, what am i supposed to do? what am i supposed to say?

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44007262]It's not just that, there's a feeling of guilt attached to doing it too. I actually did try cutting off contact once before right after we had broken up, she was in hysterics. I felt terrible for making her cry and told her we can try being friends. By that I meant just being on good terms, but she took it as being 'best friends' and was still calling me as often as she had when we dated (near every damn day). I didn't have the heart to make a big deal out of it. Especially when she's telling me shit like 'you're my favorite person in the world,' but at the same time saying 'you're such a nice guy.' (which sucks obv)

I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel a bit guilty cutting her off because of how attached I think she is, but at the same time I feel I have to whether she understands it or not.[/QUOTE]

It's your right to protect your own wellbeing. Don't feel terrible about it, because at the end of the day this is all the sum of her own problems and these are things that you can't change and that you shouldn't have to deal with. Seems like she feels guilty about hurting you and is acting selfishly about it - but if she was ever acting in your own best interests she'd understand and leave you alone.

One night in hysterics isn't enough to say she cares though, like it seems to me from what you've said that she doesn't really give much of a shit about you until there's some talk of you standing up for yourself and that's not fair at all

[editline]23rd February 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=jackattack;44010294]I was talking with an old friend today about life and the like and he mentioned someone whom i had not seen for a while. This is a girl who had strung me along for a year, rejected me because there was another guy she was hoping would maybe ask her out, turned to me to help deal with her problems, and finally got me drunk and told me she loved me due to needing a quick fuck, until a prettier guy showed up that is. I fucking hate this girl. So i asked how she was and he said not great, about how she was doing badly and due to the indecent with me becoming public her boyfriend had broken up with her and other guys and her friends were staying away. I said that's bad and all but seeing as how it had gone from her having a perfectly happy life and me being depressed and fucked over all the time to her being depressed and fucked over all the time and me having a perfectly happy life, i couldn't help but smile to myself a bit.

That's the context out of the way, now the problem. I am meeting this guy again next week, as well as a couple of other people i haven't seen for ages and naturally want to see them again. But I've received a message saying a couple of others are coming too, including the girl mentioned above. I know she's going to try to talk to me about something, what am i supposed to do? what am i supposed to say?[/QUOTE]

You don't need to talk to her. Be civil but you honestly do not need to talk to her even if she wants to. You can always refuse to. It's not her right to jump at you in a group setting and try and have a go, it'll ruin your night and you should focus on having a good night.

I mean honestly the damage is done already whatever she says or you say is not going to fix it i guess, so just be nice I guess but thats it

[Inspector Jones]

I'm back guys. Date #2 went pretty well, but it didn't end with a kiss. More worrisome is when I texted her earlier today about Date #3, she hasn't responded back yet (Don't worry, I only sent one text, I'm not going to barrage her with texts). That was earlier today; so my hope is dwindling a little bit.

[lum1naire]

She called me tonight after I blew her off today, and I was ready to tell her I think we should be stop talking. The conversation became heated and she told me, 'I met him (the guy she cheated/dumped me for) before you, so you were nothing more than a disturbance to our eventual relationship.'

I said, 'fuck you don't bother calling me again' and hung up. Guess that's that. Wish I could of ended that more civil, but I couldn't hold in my pent up anger any longer.

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44014048]She called me tonight after I blew her off today, and I was ready to tell her I think we should be stop talking. The conversation became heated and she told me, 'I met him (the guy she cheated/dumped me for) before you, so you were nothing more than a disturbance to our eventual relationship.'

I said, 'fuck you don't bother calling me again' and hung up. Guess that's that. Wish I could of ended that more civil, but I couldn't hold in my pent up anger any longer.[/QUOTE]

Good. What an awful thing to say to someone on her part. You did the right thing. Hopefully she'll figure that out.

[Jmir 54]

Ay man that's a perfectly reasonable response

Some girls are just assholes ya know? On to the next eventual girlfriend so you got that to look forward to.

[Uncle Fassbender]

-snip-

[HighdefGE]

So, problem time again.

This girl I've been talking to for a bit more than a month and been on two dates with is became kind of distant with me and a bit sketch too. Since two weeks ago we didn't talk as much and when I wanted to see her for a third time, she usually had excuses, genuine or not. Like sometimes if I'm on the phone with her, she will tell me after some 5 or 10 minutes that something just came up and will call back in 5 minutes. Then either she never does or calls back hours later.

Last Friday she said that she might go skiing with her family in two days, asked if I wanted to come along, and said she would let me know the next day if she's going or not. The next day, nothing. Today, according to her facebook she's already there skiing.

Normally I would tell myself that she lost interest, but if she really did lose interest she doesn't have to pick up her phone. And half the time she initiates contact with me.

Frankly I'm tired of playing games with her and honestly I'm losing interest. I know most likely she will hit me up within several days. So here's my question to you guys. If she calls me again, what would I even say to her? If she lost interest I'd rather have her be honest so I don't have to invest more time with her.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44009914]
[thumb]http://i.imgur.com/TdsVjsF.png[/thumb][/QUOTE]

omg sleeeeeeeeeeep..................

You can already see its not really going well with the school subject, yet you keep talking about it. Talk about other stuff.

[QUOTE=Emugod;44009914]Lastly, how do you introduce yourself on dating sites? I can't for the life of me write a message that makes me sound interested and doesn't feel like the introduction to a 12 page essay.[/QUOTE]

Like, in your profile or when youre messaging other people?
If profile:

Simple, just say something about yourself and why youre here, keep it short and stuff, no need to have an essay about yourself because how many people are going to read it? Zero. Like a girl is gonna care that you read harry potter or you like whatever movies or "the six things you cant live with" which will most probably include your phone and food.

Something like "Im new to this town and Im just looking for connections, people to have fun with etc." is good. Something like "I dont know how to describe myself but according to my friends Im this and that and blablabla and Im creative and open minded and all those words that get thrown around constantly and nobody really knows the meaning of them" is boring.

[editline]24th February 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=HighdefGE;44019116]So, problem time again.

This girl I've been talking to for a bit more than a month and been on two dates with is became kind of distant with me and a bit sketch too. Since two weeks ago we didn't talk as much and when I wanted to see her for a third time, she usually had excuses, genuine or not. Like sometimes if I'm on the phone with her, she will tell me after some 5 or 10 minutes that something just came up and will call back in 5 minutes. Then either she never does or calls back hours later.

Last Friday she said that she might go skiing with her family in two days, asked if I wanted to come along, and said she would let me know the next day if she's going or not. The next day, nothing. Today, according to her facebook she's already there skiing.

Normally I would tell myself that she lost interest, but if she really did lose interest she doesn't have to pick up her phone. And half the time she initiates contact with me.

Frankly I'm tired of playing games with her and honestly I'm losing interest. I know most likely she will hit me up within several days. So here's my question to you guys. If she calls me again, what would I even say to her? If she lost interest I'd rather have her be honest so I don't have to invest more time with her.[/QUOTE]
just do the same thing to her. Start distancing yourself, have her chase you for your attention.

[Emugod]

-snip, ignore, had an episode, carry on-

[redBadger]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44014048]She called me tonight after I blew her off today, and I was ready to tell her I think we should be stop talking. The conversation became heated and she told me, 'I met him (the guy she cheated/dumped me for) before you, so you were nothing more than a disturbance to our eventual relationship.'

I said, 'fuck you don't bother calling me again' and hung up. Guess that's that. Wish I could of ended that more civil, but I couldn't hold in my pent up anger any longer.[/QUOTE]

Good on ya. I wish I had the balls to say what you did.

[lum1naire]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44024669]It's seriously that bad? Fucking hell. Welp, I'm done with dating/relationships in general. Can't do it in real life, can't do it on the internet. What's even the fucking point? I'm just going to take my depressive and pathetic excuse for a life and leave. If a mod comes by this, please ban me. I no longer wish to plague this forum with my bullshit. Goodbye and thank you.

Barrage me with boxes if you want. I can't even give a shit anymore with my state right now. In fact, it would probably fuel my depression even more. So, please, do. I'm looking for more reasons to kill myself.[/QUOTE]

If you think your life is pathetic because of a lack of dating life, you're wrong. Dating/relationships aren't that important, it isn't something people will think less of you for. I suggest just talking to more girls in general, doesn't even have to be flirting to get experience. Let relationships come naturally to you.

But you need to focus more on yourself rather than putting so much importance on a relationship. I mean a relationship can be a great thing, but honestly it doesn't mean more than yourself. I don't know if you have more underlying issues to be saying the kind of stuff you are, but seriously it isn't worth killing yourself over.

Things will get better if you let them, persevere. Don't give up, just take a different approach. And I'll say it again, being in a relationship isn't THAT important. If you think there's something wrong with your life right now, getting into a relationship won't fix that.

[editline]24th February 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=redBadger;44025332]Good on ya. I wish I had the balls to say what you did.[/QUOTE]

Honestly I thought I never would have the balls, but by a stroke of luck I guess what she said bothered me enough to finally speak up. That's by far the shittiest thing someones ever told me, I still couldn't believe how much of a bitch she was about that. But I'm glad for it, really.

[Emugod]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44025401]If you think your life is pathetic because of a lack of dating life, you're wrong. Dating/relationships aren't that important, it isn't something people will think less of you for. I suggest just talking to more girls in general, doesn't even have to be flirting to get experience. Let relationships come naturally to you.

But you need to focus more on yourself rather than putting so much importance on a relationship. I mean a relationship can be a great thing, but honestly it doesn't mean more than yourself. I don't know if you have more underlying issues to be saying the kind of stuff you are, but seriously it isn't worth killing yourself over.

Things will get better if you let them, persevere. Don't give up, just take a different approach. And I'll say it again, being in a relationship isn't THAT important. If you think there's something wrong with your life right now, getting into a relationship won't fix that.
[/QUOTE]

It's not the fact that I lack a dating life, it's the fact that I fail to do so in both the real world and on the internet. There's a lot of things that make me feel pathetic, but that's one that escalated my depression recently.

I've had a problem with feeling empty and alone for many years. I keep having the desire to be with someone. It's just a really, really strong feeling of loneliness. It doesn't go away no matter how much I try not to think about it. I'm just really desperate for some reason. I guess I've just never felt loved an appreciated, and I really want that feeling. I feel like I don't have anything to strive for in my life. Like I have no meaning in my existence. I thought having a relationship would fix that, but I don't think it will.

I know I have to work on myself first. I've been trying, but it hasn't been easy. I can't find anything that makes me happy, anymore. I fail to get motivated to do anything. I'm struggling in my academics and relationships with friends because of my depression.

[IlluminatiRex]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44025758]It's not the fact that I lack a dating life, it's the fact that I fail to do so in both the real world and on the internet. There's a lot of things that make me feel pathetic, but that's one that escalated my depression recently.

I've had a problem with feeling empty and alone for many years. I keep having the desire to be with someone. It's just a really, really strong feeling of loneliness. It doesn't go away no matter how much I try not to think about it. I'm just really desperate for some reason. I guess I've just never felt loved an appreciated, and I really want that feeling. I feel like I don't have anything to strive for in my life. Like I have no meaning in my existence. I thought having a relationship would fix that, but I don't think it will.

I know I have to work on myself first. I've been trying, but it hasn't been easy. I can't find anything that makes me happy, anymore. I fail to get motivated to do anything. I'm struggling in my academics and relationships with friends because of my depression.[/QUOTE]
I feel like I'm standing in front of a mirror.

[editline]24th February 2014[/editline]

I mean, I've got lots of friends, both guys and girls, but i still feel like sht :(

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=bdd458;44025913]I feel like I'm standing in front of a mirror.

[editline]24th February 2014[/editline]

I mean, I've got lots of friends, both guys and girls, but i still feel like sht :([/QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44025758]It's not the fact that I lack a dating life, it's the fact that I fail to do so in both the real world and on the internet. There's a lot of things that make me feel pathetic, but that's one that escalated my depression recently.

I've had a problem with feeling empty and alone for many years. I keep having the desire to be with someone. It's just a really, really strong feeling of loneliness. It doesn't go away no matter how much I try not to think about it. I'm just really desperate for some reason. I guess I've just never felt loved an appreciated, and I really want that feeling. I feel like I don't have anything to strive for in my life. Like I have no meaning in my existence. I thought having a relationship would fix that, but I don't think it will.

I know I have to work on myself first. I've been trying, but it hasn't been easy. I can't find anything that makes me happy, anymore. I fail to get motivated to do anything. I'm struggling in my academics and relationships with friends because of my depression.[/QUOTE]

Here's a thing though, girls don't actually fix these problems for you and relationships don't

trust me, some of the loneliest times in peoples lives can be when they're literally lying in bed next to another person

its been said before and over and over again, but you need to be able to love yourself or get help loving yourself. Someone else loving you will never fix your state of mind, only slightly alleviate it for a temporary amount of time

[Emugod]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;44025974]Here's a thing though, girls don't actually fix these problems for you and relationships don't

trust me, some of the loneliest times in peoples lives can be when they're literally lying in bed next to another person

its been said before and over and over again, but you need to be able to love yourself or get help loving yourself. Someone else loving you will never fix your state of mind, only slightly alleviate it for a temporary amount of time[/QUOTE]

I'm starting to notice that more and more. I just can't get rid of the feeling of desperation. I don't know why I'm just flooded with this delusion that relationship = happiness. I feel like I need a relationship and the feeling won't go away. I want it to go away, I just don't know how.

I fucking hate episodic depression. I constantly come back to this thread spouting my depression bullshit and disregard everyone's advice. I just need to get banned to stop myself from doing this.

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44026221]I'm starting to notice that more and more. I just can't get rid of the feeling of desperation. I don't know why I'm just flooded with this delusion that relationship = happiness. I feel like I need a relationship and the feeling won't go away. I want it to go away, I just don't know how.

I fucking hate episodic depression. I constantly come back to this thread spouting my depression bullshit and disregard everyone's advice. I just need to get banned to stop myself from doing this.[/QUOTE]

Hey man, see it that way, if you end it, you won't ever get the pleasure of going through that relationship = happiness.

You're here just like all of us and I want you to stick with me through the end, we started something and we're finishing it and I promise you that along the way, you'll have a girl all over yo cock. Until then, try to improve yourself a little bit, it's what I do, never kissed a girl, never had a girlfriend, I don't even have any friends currently but you know what? I don't mind it all that much outside of sometimes feeling a bit lonely because I'm improving myself, I'm working out, shaping my body up, getting better and better at guitar, trying my hand at singing and practicing it and a myriad of other things.

And then when I finally go out there and start meeting some people when I leave my empty shithole of a place, I'll be that one guy people want to be friends with or that one guy the girls will be all over. This could be you and this will be you if you simply make the decision. I'm not asking you to go workout or play guitar, that's all personal choices but you should strive for physical and mental growth one way or the other.

The shit you're going through is life experience, I have my fair share of it and that wisdom makes for an interesting and complete individual. Embrace it if anything, you've got this shit by the balls, you just have to grab harder.

[editline]24th February 2014[/editline]

Ah yes, need a bit of help myself. This dating website gave me the profile of this one girl because of their amazing matching algorithm (What the fuck is this shit, I wonder how it works) so I sent a message because whatever, why the fuck not.

So she replied right, but I don't know what else to say, that's a problem I seem to be getting a lot from dating sites, in real life I have no problem keeping a conversation going because you can talk about whatever the fuck, on a dating website though it's like you have to try your best to make things interesting 24/7 because what other reason would you talk to someone on a dating website.

As such, I have no clue how the fuck to reply and not put her off.

I messaged her with:

"Hey hey, we both look like obviously accomplished and outstanding people, I'm sure we'd totally click.

Bullshit aside as I'm a terrible person, I'm just messaging the shit out of people until one answers back and I get someone to talk to about everything and nothing. Might not be the best way to go at it but hey, can give me a 10 on 10 for effort yeah? I was also sent a mail with your profile using their amazing matching algorithm (Dating sure got simple.) and I also thought I'd check it out and see if it was as magical as the "matching algorithm" buzzword implies it to be.

Nailed it, you should absolutely reply back."

and she replied back with "Hahaha you did nail it"

Her profile doesn't give me much information as to what to talk about either, she only listed 3 interests and in her "About me" she didn't say anything that I could make a conversation with. I don't even have her name.

That initial stage sucks, I feel if this was real life I could just chill back and have a nice talk with beer in hand but because of what I mentioned earlier with the whole "dating" aspect of these sites, I feel like I have to try extra hard.

[editline]24th February 2014[/editline]

Mother fucker, I wrote a lot tonight.

[Riku2211]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44026221]I'm starting to notice that more and more. I just can't get rid of the feeling of desperation. I don't know why I'm just flooded with this delusion that relationship = happiness. I feel like I need a relationship and the feeling won't go away. I want it to go away, I just don't know how.

I fucking hate episodic depression. I constantly come back to this thread spouting my depression bullshit and disregard everyone's advice. I just need to get banned to stop myself from doing this.[/QUOTE]

Nah, you really don't need to get banned so that you stop coming in here and spouting bullshit, because spouting bullshit here is exactly what will help you realize it IS bullshit. I've typed up so many long, ridiculous posts in this thread, and even after all the responses I got, I didn't feel any different. But having posted it here, I got to reflect on what I said, and also think about how it might sound from an outside perspective (someone reading the thread), and later on I'd calm down and realize that it was just bullshit, and that I was being dramatic and I was depressed. Over time you'll learn to see when you're 'spouting bullshit' and you'll stop yourself before you even post. It helps, really, and it's worth feeling stupid about it.

It could benefit you greatly to keep visiting this thread, even if you feel stupid. Don't worry about getting rated dumb and maybe getting a couple harsh-sounding responses, because in the end anyone in this thread is only here to offer help in one way or another, even if it sounds like they're just calling you stupid.

[QUOTE=Emugod;44025758]It's not the fact that I lack a dating life, it's the fact that I fail to do so in both the real world and on the internet. There's a lot of things that make me feel pathetic, but that's one that escalated my depression recently.

I've had a problem with feeling empty and alone for many years. I keep having the desire to be with someone. It's just a really, really strong feeling of loneliness. It doesn't go away no matter how much I try not to think about it. I'm just really desperate for some reason. I guess I've just never felt loved an appreciated, and I really want that feeling. I feel like I don't have anything to strive for in my life. Like I have no meaning in my existence. I thought having a relationship would fix that, but I don't think it will.

I know I have to work on myself first. I've been trying, but it hasn't been easy. I can't find anything that makes me happy, anymore. I fail to get motivated to do anything. I'm struggling in my academics and relationships with friends because of my depression.[/QUOTE]

I can definitely say that anything I say won't help you much, and I don't know how much you've been posting and how many times you may have heard stuff like this, but I'll give you something to think about anyway. I was exactly in your position about half a year ago. Terrible depression, wanted to kill myself, crippling loneliness. Except, the loneliness was also fueled by having recently been dumped. I got to feel what it was like to be loved and then had it taken away. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't wish to just.... stop living. But even if you don't quite want to believe it, and even if it doesn't feel like it, things get better. They just kind of do. Life has a way of balancing itself out like that. I know how it feels to just not enjoy anything anymore. What turned it around for me was talking to someone. I had one person that I could actually open up to, and once I did, my life literally did a 180. I could not see a future for myself at all, it was all just darkness, I planned on finding SOME way to kill myself if I didn't die somehow by the end of Senior year. After I opened up though, Things escalated very quickly. Now I've found that 'balance', where I can accept feeling crappy for a time, knowing that it'll get better again. If you're having legitimate depression, which it sounds to me like you are, because everything you're saying I would've said exactly the way you said it, then if you try, you'll eventually learn to recognize when you're depressed, and with the help of others, you can fight against it, and just go on with your life without letting it drag you down. I've still yet to find a real meaning for my life, but I've at least become content with the way things are, and I've gained control over my depression, and you absolutely can too. If just for one moment, I want you to believe that, because tomorrow morning you probably won't.

You can't just sit around and wait for things to change, though, because they won't. If there's one other thing I've learn in the last few years, it's that you seriously have to take action for anything to happen. Sometimes it feels like you have no option but to wait until you see an opportunity for something, but then you'll just have to do something else. Try to think of someone close to you, regardless who it is, that you can talk to. Just straight up say, maybe text or email them and ask to meet up, saying that you have something legitimately serious to talk about and that you would like if they could listen and maybe offer some advice. Facepunch is great, but these posts can't replace the words of someone close to you, who is also literally right next to you. If you can't, maybe try to see a therapist. I never wanted to, but something is better than nothing. If that's not an option, maybe try to get closer to someone you're already close to, THEN talk to them. Do SOMETHING. I can entirely understand the difficulty of actually figuring out something to do, but if you don't do anything, it will never change. That feeling of wanting a relationship, NEEDING a relationship, really won't go away until you find someone, but it will also become bearable once you've conquered your depression. And who knows, maybe by opening up to someone, you might just find that someone. I got lucky, honestly, and that's how it went down for me. It could be the same for you. Even if it isn't, getting a handle on your depression will help you immensely.

So keep spouting bullshit, I'm pretty sure that's what this thread is here for. Like Heigou said, it's life experience. Right now it feels to you like this just IS life, but it's only a small, small portion of it. I'm only 6-7 months out from the six-month-long episode of depression I had, and boy does it seem so minuscule. If nothing else, try to at least hold a hope for the future.

[ichiman94]

I always feel bad for my past, when in fact I shouldn't. It's past, the present is past, the future is more important. Whatever I do now will form the future. And that's what I am worried about. I want to confidently do my actions and not think about it a lot, mostly when I know what I have to do.

[RustledJimmys]

Alright. I'm new to this thread, and will leave it if request, but I just wanted to ask something I've always had trouble doing so. I'm currently at an age where people make an extremely big deal about relationships and women and all that, and all I do is sit back and just not really give it thought. I haven't really felt anything about the matter, but I just wanted to ask if it's weird that I think this way, social status-wise etc.

Thanks guys.