Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[Kindlinho]

[QUOTE=Aries;44098669]hey guys my exgirlfriend with millionaire parents (private doctors, runs the hospitals, has politicians over for dinner, owns the sports team, hangs out with the mayor, was going to run for office but decided they were too busy) is telling people i know and probably others that i don't that i used to beat her and since her family is so extrememly influential in this town i'm wondering if i should maybe consult legal advice just in case? i dunno. someone help though, that'd be cool[/QUOTE]
How do you expect to beat them in the court when they're so "extremely influential"? I'd confront the girl about it first. Ask her why is she being such a bitch. (not literally of course)

And why did you break up anyway?

[chinatown]

The thing is, playing it safe doesn't work here. A girl probably gets messages everyday and most of them are probably something boring. And how memorable is a "Hi Im John and I like your pictures"? Probably not memorable in any way since she receives a ton of those. What you want is something thats out of the ordinary which requires you to cross the line. That doesnt mean its bad, on the other hand it's good (if you use it in a sensible way). Stuff like what I posted earlier about the girl being a fatass basement nerd would get her attention. So would something stupid like " I think youre interesting but since you like cats more than dogs (it could be anything. ANYTHING) I have to re-evaluate our relationship".

And this interview thing is pretty much unavoidable at some moment. I mean, you should get to know her and the best way is just to ask her. But even there you can either be

A:Oh where are you from?
B:Atlanta
A: Oh cool. What do you do?
B:blablabla

and so on. And thats what is happening here. But what if you try something different?

A: So where are you from?
B: New York
A: Oh cool, I love New York and all the stuff that is going on there, buzzing all the time. How do you find it there?
B:blablabla

Or even
A: So where are you from?
B: New York
A: New York sucks, I caught herpes when I was in New York

Something like that, I don't know. Don't take yourself so seriously, just write whatever you think its funny and whatever fits. If you lose her, it doesn't matter because theres hundreds of other girls.
And for the profiles, it also helps if you have a different profile text. For example I tend to use Okc when Im going somewhere new, so I hit up the girls there beforehand. I ask them if theyre free to give me a tour or just hang out. And then I have a line in my profile thats something like "Im looking for something out of the ordinary, even if its to go around a city with animal suits on!" And some girls do reply "Yeah lets get our animal suits on!" Which out of the other ones that reply "Hey yeah Im from here and stuff" I know the animal suit lovers are the most fun to me.

[Dakiin Dovah]

The bitch has a point, you need to be a little eccentric.

[HighdefGE]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44098674]So, you read a small portion of a larger conversation and assumed that's how every conversation is? I mean, that portion I just couldn't get anything out of her. I was hoping that it would lead to another conversation, but it didn't.

But, I'll agree that some of my conversations are boring. I'm not good at conversations, and that's one of the reasons I joined a dating site. I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem to hold a good conversation.

Also, I can't meet them in real life because I don't feel that meeting up after talking for a few hours justifies a meet up, and I don't have a car to actually meet up with them. And, I've talked to several girls in real life, I just find it slightly easier to talk over the computer. Anyway, I might meet up with a girl I met on one site. We've been talking for a while, but the only problem is distance, transportation, and time.[/QUOTE]

Bro, first of all you can't just hope that your conversation will just transition to something else. If you want to talk about something else, then talk about it.

Secondly just ask a friend or whoever to give you a ride, or even ask the girl to come to your town.

Of course it's "slightly easier" to talk to girls online, and it's easy because you're avoiding your anxiety. You're not fighting it, you're just trying to find the easiest and most convenient way of circling around it. If you want to actually get rid of your anxiety and your fears of talking to people in real life, then that's exactly what you have to do; talk to more and more girls [i]in real life[/i]. You can't hide behind your computer forever.

And guess what? It will pay off in the end. I used to be socially anxious and told myself that "I'll never be good with girls" and blah blah blah. I still am nervous when it comes to social situations but the more I put myself out there, the more resistance I build against being nervous. I mean I've had lots of girls simply walk away from me, tell me to fuck off, or not text back. But by continuously talking to girls I see I eventually found one girl who reciprocated back and we ended up talking to each other for a month and went on two dates. Yes, it ended in a disaster but I forgive myself because I wasn't used to it. And I have to go out there and start talking to other girls because I know statistically I will run into someone else who reciprocates back.

That's exactly how I view it, statistics. My point is you can't hide behind your screen forever. Just because you had a couple bad experiences doesn't give you any excuse as to why you shouldn't go outside and talk to more girls.

[editline]2nd March 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=FunkyDarkKnight;44100369]I have a similar problem to the guy you replied to, and you're right, it does feel like I'm interviewing them. I have a very hazy idea of what is crossing the line and what is not, so I play it way too safe. With that in mind, what you recommend I talk about/bring up instead (without freaking them out but also without turning it to 'interview mode')?[/QUOTE]

I don't think it's a matter of what you bring up or talk about, but it's [i]how[/i] you talk about it. What I try to do a lot is instead of asking questions, I guess and exaggerate overboard and they usually find it funny and conversations naturally branch out from there. That's another thing too, show your sense of humor and don't be afraid to say ridiculous shit. As long as you say stuff confidently I don't think it matters what you say.

[Taepodong-2]

Well my first ever "date" is tomorrow. What do I do?

[Zar]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;44102374]Well my first ever "date" is tomorrow. What do I do?[/QUOTE]

What do you mean lol? You go on the date, and you don't make stupid jokes all day.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;44102374]Well my first ever "date" is tomorrow. What do I do?[/QUOTE]

don't bring flowers or anything

[NoSaleHale]

[QUOTE=NoSaleHale;44089612][QUOTE=NoSaleHale;44027834]hey everyone, first time poster here, so bear with me: I have been suffering from loneliness for quite the time now. I come to you today for advice. I'd like to point out first that i am not suffering from loneliness because i have no friends, no thats not why i am here (I do have friends), my problem is that i dont have a significant other. I have faced rejection before which has worn me down for quite the time but thats not the issue, it is that I dont know where to find my (possible) special someone, how to approach women properly, how to do anything really. Maybe you can help me out with that?

Thanks for your attention.[/QUOTE]

posted this earlier, seemed to have drowned in the flood of posts here

Got some additional info though: Currently visiting school but going to start working later this year
[/QUOTE]
bump

[Fire Kracker]

don't find companionship in a SO because then you will only find them for that reason

you need to come to terms with yourself before searching otherwise you only place your problems onto them and if they leave you'll either beg them to stay, making them stay out of guilt or you'll become even more lonely which then places even responsibility onto them

[editline]2nd March 2014[/editline]

when you become content with yourself is when you find yourself able to be content with another

[killerteacup]

The old adage is that love only happens when you stop looking for it and its 100% true

[chinatown]

man I hope I get my dream job by not looking for it

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;44105638]The old adage is that love only happens when you stop looking for it and its 100% true[/QUOTE]

Haven't been looking for pretty much my entire life and it never happened uhaehuaehuae, this adage is bad and you should feel bad for being bad by using a bad adage you bad.

[redBadger]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;44102374]Well my first ever "date" is tomorrow. What do I do?[/QUOTE]

Stick it in

[lum1naire]

Anyone else here wish they knew what they were passionate about? Something they could get up every morning excited to do, not mind losing sleep over it.. Just something that makes every day fulfilling?

I'm studying engineering in university, but it's more so for my parents as I've always had pressure to be financially secure, and have to take care of my mom. But I just hope a few years from now I don't hate my life or anything, even if I'm making good money and have a 'secure' future.

How do people even find what they're passionate about? I sometimes wonder if it's because I wasn't really exposed to a lot of activities when I was younger and never had any room to explore.. like I don't even know what I'm good at, asides from school (which sounds stupid).

[redBadger]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44109368]Anyone else here wish they knew what they were passionate about? Something they could get up every morning excited to do, not mind losing sleep over it.. Just something that makes every day fulfilling?

I'm studying engineering in university, but it's more so for my parents as I've always had pressure to be financially secure, and have to take care of my mom. But I just hope a few years from now I don't hate my life or anything, even if I'm making good money and have a 'secure' future.

How do people even find what they're passionate about? I sometimes wonder if it's because I wasn't really exposed to a lot of activities when I was younger and never had any room to explore.. like I don't even know what I'm good at, asides from school (which sounds stupid).[/QUOTE]

You do stuff. Eventually you find something you love. I love creating my own music. Only reason why is because I was so big into the music program at my school.

You got to get out there and try things.

[lum1naire]

[QUOTE=redBadger;44109485]You do stuff. Eventually you find something you love. I love creating my own music. Only reason why is because I was so big into the music program at my school.

You got to get out there and try things.[/QUOTE]

I've been creating my own music for the past few months too and I am finding it enjoyable. Just not sure it's a passion (yet?) currently more of just a hobby

I write a lot too. It feels like I can never just latch onto one thing and want to become exceptional at it, just driven by the passion of wanting to do it. I'm really jealous of those people who have that.

But you're right I guess the only thing I can do is keep experimenting, and hopefully find something that really captivates me.

[Aries]

[QUOTE=Kindlinho;44100640]How do you expect to beat them in the court when they're so "extremely influential"? [/QUOTE]
seem to miss the point of that this is what i'm worried about; being unable to control my fate due to an audacious fallacy. we broke up because she felt she had anxiety due to being away from home in another city and being unable to cope with uni.

she now works as a shoe saleswoman (in a chain her aunt owns) so i almost feel like she needed a scapegoat in order to not fulfil her parents expectations - me - and that is where these claims came from.

confronting would probably lead to a restraining order since that's pretty much harassment and her family is litigious

[Kindlinho]

[QUOTE=Aries;44111597]seem to miss the point of that this is what i'm worried about; being unable to control my fate due to an audacious fallacy. we broke up because she felt she had anxiety due to being away from home in another city and being unable to cope with uni.

she now works as a shoe saleswoman (in a chain her aunt owns) so i almost feel like she needed a scapegoat in order to not fulfil her parents expectations - me - and that is where these claims came from.

confronting would probably lead to a restraining order since that's pretty much harassment and her family is litigious[/QUOTE]
Well, I didn't miss anything. What I was saying is that it's pretty pointless to even think about judicial battle if they're as influential as you're saying.

If you can't talk to her, try her parents. If they're the "our daughter is a sweetie, she would never do something like that", then fuck. Tough luck. Well, anyway, in case it actually goes to court, the first thing you should do is sue her for libel ASAP. At least you won't be completely exposed and defenseless. I'm not a lawyer, so you should discuss further moves with a professional.

[Mr. Bleak]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44109677]I've been creating my own music for the past few months too and I am finding it enjoyable. Just not sure it's a passion (yet?) currently more of just a hobby

I write a lot too. It feels like I can never just latch onto one thing and want to become exceptional at it, just driven by the passion of wanting to do it. I'm really jealous of those people who have that.

But you're right I guess the only thing I can do is keep experimenting, and hopefully find something that really captivates me.[/QUOTE]

I'm in the same boat. I went through life up until maybe a year or two ago sitting in my room playing videogames, and lately I've tried to get out and try new things. I've learned to cook a bit, and how to be social (I'd consider that something I had to learn) but I haven't found something I'm incredibly passionate about outside of music. I'm no musician, and I don't really know where to start with that, so I'm content with just enjoying it for its own sake right now.

As for the conversation thing that was being discussed earlier, maybe that's why I don't get particularly good results messaging people over Facebook. I like to think I'm a pretty interesting guy in person, but I tend to go into interview mode when it's not face to face which blows. I try to transition from asking questions, getting an answer, and reflecting on it to making real, interesting conversation but it doesn't happen often.

[chinatown]

[QUOTE=lum1naire;44109368]Anyone else here wish they knew what they were passionate about? Something they could get up every morning excited to do, not mind losing sleep over it.. Just something that makes every day fulfilling?

I'm studying engineering in university, but it's more so for my parents as I've always had pressure to be financially secure, and have to take care of my mom. But I just hope a few years from now I don't hate my life or anything, even if I'm making good money and have a 'secure' future.

How do people even find what they're passionate about? I sometimes wonder if it's because I wasn't really exposed to a lot of activities when I was younger and never had any room to explore.. like I don't even know what I'm good at, asides from school (which sounds stupid).[/QUOTE]

Well I can talk about my case. Ive been drawing and all that since I was a kid. But I only took it seriously like 6 or 7 years ago. I love to get creative, try out new stuff and just get into that trance when you're just beastin'. That's why I try to get involved in it whenever I can.

On the other hand I also like food. I like cooking, I like eating, I like trying new things. Being an asian born in Europe I understand a lot from both cultures and specifically the food. I do cook too and I enjoy it a lot, when I cook alone, for my family or my friends. Same as mixology. I can come up with a few cocktails and make them look good.
So whats really the difference? I guess I can say that Im passionate about art and painting etc. On the other hand I wouldn't consider myself passionate about bartending. Food is something that Ive only recently started paying more attention to it, so we'll see where it goes from there.
Id say being passionate about something is like almost as if that hobby you have took form as a person and you would be in a life long commitment with it. For example with me and art, I decided to commit myself to it for my life. I try to put in work whenever I can, because I want this relationship to work out. I feel shitty about myself whenever I put too little or no work for a while. And in the end it will either work out well or not.
For mixing drinks on the other hand, I do find it interesting, and Ive dedicated my time on it. But it's just a hobby. Its just another girl. I can just leave it, because I know its not the same type of attraction that I have with art. That type of self consuming, sometimes punishing commitment.
I guess its pretty much that, told in a rather romantic way.

[Jo The Shmo]

[QUOTE=itsthejayden;44088776]So there's this girl I've been talking to, she's pretty cool and all but I think I'm addicted to her in a way.

Like, If I'm not around her, I feel all demotivated and I don't want to do anything. Shit sucks man.[/QUOTE]

[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcATvu5f9vE[/media]

[deggemannen]

[QUOTE=FunkyDarkKnight;44070045]Just ask her out. Even if she is 'scared of relationships' I highly doubt she'll suddenly hate you or something because you asked her out.[/QUOTE]

As expected she pussied out. ahwell

[Tin Can™]

So did I just semi-inadvertedly ask her out to a "dinner date"?

When she was waiting for me to pack my shit up after schoolday was over, out of the blue nowhere she mentions [I]"I'm hungry, I have no money. And today and tomorrow are the last days I'll be able to eat normally before I start fasting before my birthday. Looks like it's pasta with eggs again".[/I]

I suggested we go to the Thai street kitchen right outside our college because It's really cheap ~11USD for an-almost-all-you-can-eat-buffé, and that I'll pay for her meal. She gave me a "Nnnnyeeeaaah" and said "Maybe tomorrow?"

When I first asked I had a reflex intention of just doing something nice for her when she has nothing to eat, but I didn't realize until hours later that I practically asked her to go eat with me after school hours, and as a potential "date"
She's been behaving interested in me either way so :v: woo go me!

[Jo The Shmo]

if you didnt say its a date and she didnt say its a date its not a date

you can either tell her you want it to be a date and she can take it or leave it, or you can not tell her but then do not think of it as a date

[chinatown]

a date in a buffet? thats probably why she said no.

When you bring your girl to a buffet is when youve been with her for so long that you dont care anymore about how you look in front of her

[Missing User]

My school has literally 75% guys in it, and the entire school caps out at 300 students.

Before I went to this school, I was home schooled for seven years, right after first grade. I know this didn't impact me socially, because only recently my friends found out, and they were honestly surprised (I'm very socially extroverted)

But due to this combination, the farthest I've ever gone with a girl is a hug (pretty lame, right?) (did I mention I'm 17) and only gone on a few dates.

How can I fix this, I've been feeling pretty lonely and like shit lately

[editline]3rd March 2014[/editline]

also, I think one of my largest "problems" is that if I were to have a girlfriend, I'd be looking for someone who's more of a best friend rather than a drama-filled pathway to occasional sex. I've seen that happen with my friends and am absolutely not interested in it at all.

[fear me]

[QUOTE=katbug;44117871]the farthest I've ever gone with a girl is a hug (pretty lame, right?) (did I mention I'm 17)[/QUOTE]

Oh shit are you me

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;44117504]a date in a buffet? thats probably why she said no.

When you bring your girl to a buffet is when youve been with her for so long that you dont care anymore about how you look in front of her[/QUOTE]

eh doesn't really matter it depends on the girl

[I]many[/I] girls i know are fine with a buffet first date

but like jo said it's not a date unless you say it is one

[itsthejayden]

How do you guys deal with sorta long distance relationships? That girl I was talking about might be moving to another school and I don't have a car. :/

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=itsthejayden;44118241]How do you guys deal with sorta long distance relationships? That girl I was talking about might be moving to another school and I don't have a car. :/[/QUOTE]

just trust the other person