Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Darkslicer;44147285]I don't know why love is so weird for me. I haven't seen her for 2 days and probably wont for 4 more days and I lost the motivation to play any of my 5 instruments or do music at all (literally my life). I am just sitting there thinking the whole time because I miss the emotional intimacy so much. I am probably so attached because I never had a mother and pretty much lived a love-less life (Turning 21 in a week).
How could I deal with it, really? It's incredibly hard for me to a point where I would give up so much just to have her here.[/QUOTE]
Thats normal. Are you together?
Just take your mind off it, try to focus on your music or whatever. And if you're not together, go look for other girls
[QUOTE=VaSTinY;44122296]Yeah the reason I'm unsure is because in swedish i pretty much worded it as "i'll take you out-"
But hey if it happens it happens and maybe she wants to escalate it from there and i'll be a happy man[/QUOTE]
Woo, follow up on this I guess- beware of really fucking long read with looooottsssss of details because I want to be as sure as possible because I'm crap at this
When the last class of the day was over on Tuesday she came and met me as I was chatting with two buddies. I just plain out prompted to her that I would like to take her out to dinner making it as clear as possible. She smiled and didn't even hesitate to say yes right away, before suggesting we do that after going for groceries.
Yada, we went grocery, came back to the dorms and just sat watching TV for quite a few hours, chatting about stuff and games every now and then, bla bla...
Eventually we get hungry and go to the Thai kitchen after she asks if I want to come along and we bring it back to the dorms to eat, an hour or so passes as we're just sitting comfortably in the sofa side by side with a bit of space inbetween.
A movie comes on and after a while she puts on her fur pelt coat thing and I have the brilliant idea of leaning my head and back against her side in the sofa with her sitting up, and ask if she minds and to tell me if it gets uncomfortable for her.
As the movie goes on I think she warms up to me more and more because eventually her torso is more rotated toward me and the back of my head is just up against part of her chest to the point where I can feel and hear every heartbeat and breath she took
Now here's where it get interesting
Things got pretty intense minutes later because I noticed her pulse increasing and her breathing got really deep and heavy in pace with mine, I was just wondering "Wow, I don't think that's a relaxation paced pulse, is she getting horny?".
She had her legs crossed overly tight and started not-so-subtly pressing her lower body toward me and writhing around in place. She moved so that the underside of her right thigh was just a bit ontop of my left shoulder and I felt her thigh twitching - I kept my hands to myself the whole time but kept thinking, "what just happened".
When the movie ended we cleaned up on the table, said goodnight, she went back to her room and I decked on the couch - Second time I've cuddled with her only this time felt alot more intimate.
Am I on the right track in thinking that she was incredibly sexually aroused at that point by [B]just[/B] having me lie against her side and then her chest, not touching her whatsoever in any other way? I loved every moment of it, Christ.
So yeah one of the long distance girls I've been talking to actually lives closer than usual and might come up to my state for school and stuff this spring.
We kinda like each other and might go on like a date or something. I'm cautiously optimistic. :smile:
[QUOTE=D3TBS;44149176]Thats normal. Are you together?
Just take your mind off it, try to focus on your music or whatever. And if you're not together, go look for other girls[/QUOTE]
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[QUOTE=Darkslicer;44151336]We are somehow together. I try to take my mind off it with silly stuff... I just overdrive so easily because I got alot of stress from other stuff thats happening to me and she is literally the only person where I feel safe and happy around.[/QUOTE]
Well the best is, again, to take your mind off. If you think too much about her, youll be dependent of her as your source of good emotions. You shouldn't be dependent of anyone or anything to feel good. And besides, youll just end up putting her on a pedestal which is bad too
So Im going to move to China this winter for a year as an exchange student. Going to be crazy and the dating scene is pretty different from what I hear, but Im looking forward.
And today I find out a friend of mine is going to be in the same city during christmas in China. We met like 5 or 6 years ago but then she moved away so we havent seen since 5 years or so I guess thats gonna be something, since she made it clear enough that she was interested in me 5 years ago but I was just too stupid and too much of a pussy to realise it.
[QUOTE=Glitchman;44139687]So I have a question
Let me put it in perspective, I am in mid-late twenties have a career and a car and housing. I have moderate anxiety and depression, but my self esteem is good and I'm healthy and attractive.
So I met this girl through a friend, shes amazingly awesome. We have gone on like 12 dates, laughing really hard the whole time and talking and just generally being awesome. During this, she'll grab my hand and hold it or rub my back. However, sometimes I try to go in for the kiss and get rejected, or just a little peck. Happens even when we're both alone at each others places. Most of the time, I initiate the dates. But she starts texting me a lot during the day. What does this mean? Just looking for some other perspectives to calm my nerves[/QUOTE]
I'd be direct with her. Just ask her. If she's not accepting a kiss, she'd probably be more open to talk.
4th year into a CC sadly :/.
@VaSTinY yo that's pretty awesome at the end. Probably could have but you decided it wasn't time yet.
[video=youtube;me7fniXldK4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me7fniXldK4[/video]
[QUOTE=D3TBS;44152192]Well the best is, again, to take your mind off. If you think too much about her, youll be dependent of her as your source of good emotions. [B]You shouldn't be dependent of anyone or anything to feel good. And besides, youll just end up putting her on a pedestal which is bad too[/B][/QUOTE]
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I hate putting people on a pedestal. It disappoints me more if its for someone i start to like a lot or start to build feelings for. I start to crave attention from them and it kills me playing the waiting game.
In other people's sake when you're trying to free yourself if it doesn't work out. TBH, one alternative to forget someone or if you're tired of him/her talking to you out of nowhere and it gives you a bit of hope or mixed signals. if you're willing to take: is to delete her or him off your contacts and social networks. That will really test yourself, because if you do try to re-add her. You know you've lost it.
[QUOTE=VaSTinY;44149593]Am I on the right track in thinking that she was incredibly sexually aroused at that point by [B]just[/B] having me lie against her side and then her chest, not touching her whatsoever in any other way? I loved every moment of it, Christ.[/QUOTE]
If such thoughts make you feel more confident then why not? Like "yeah this bitch is diggin it, she cant wait for my tiny cock in her". But it doesnt matter how you think and whatever, what matters is if you act on it or not. Just be a bit more dominant, do whatever you feel like doing to her, don't wait for her permission because when you do it means shes already really desperate like "Come on you dumbfuck can't you see it????"
[QUOTE=D3TBS;44158394]If such thoughts make you feel more confident then why not? Like "yeah this bitch is diggin it, she cant wait for my tiny cock in her". But it doesnt matter how you think and whatever, what matters is if you act on it or not. Just be a bit more dominant, do whatever you feel like doing to her, don't wait for her permission because when you do it means shes already really desperate like "Come on you dumbfuck can't you see it????"[/QUOTE]
Thank you for this, I'm shit at communicating about stuff regarding this, but I've decided to just sit down and have a first heart to heart with her next time I meet her to see what she wants.
It does make me feel confident as fuck with her but it definitely doesn't feel right for me to try something like it though until I know where she wants to go with it
I never was smart and my to IQ is below average (don't want to say what it is) I always say stupid things and make mistakes all the time, is there a way for me to not be so dumb?
So today I found out that british students in my school(which are 99% of whole students) have a problem of speaking in front of a class. Me being a foreigner and english being second language it was easy to just talk in front of a class showing my presentation and talking and talking and talking. I wasn't doing the presentation alone, there were 2 other girls and they were like "Who's gonna start? Who's gonna start? D:" and I just said "I'll do it." and they said only a couple of words on their slides.
weird
[QUOTE=VaSTinY;44159355]Thank you for this, I'm shit at communicating about stuff regarding this, but I've decided to just sit down and have a first heart to heart with her next time I meet her to see what she wants.
It does make me feel confident as fuck with her but it definitely doesn't feel right for me to try something like it though until I know where she wants to go with it[/QUOTE]
If thats what makes you more comfortable then sure, do it. But firstly, does she have any sexual experience? Do you have any sexual experience? Its ok if any of you don't have, youll figure it out, its not hard
As to not knowing if she wants to or not, don't sweat it. I mean, if she's already into you, she'll be up for anything you want. And if she's not and she has enough common sense, she'll say No. That said don't be afraid to just go at it next time, if it makes you come across as dominant and confident, and maybe it'll be quite a steamy session.
-snip- that was apparently dumb of me to do.
[QUOTE=Darkslicer;44160655] jehovas witness [/QUOTE]
found your problem
I think that puts you in a really difficult situation to be honest. If it were me, I don't think it would be right to ask her to stop believing what she believes just to be with you, and I don't think that you should change your beliefs just to be with her.
cough follow what i said before cough
[QUOTE=Darkslicer;44147285]-----[/QUOTE]
I lost my mom when I was thirteen, right as my good friend Tina's succumbed to cancer. We ended up getting very close as we helped each other through the mess. For years, I saw her and talked to her at every opportunity. She was my counselor, and I was hers, and I ended up falling for her hard, in the way that awkward pubescent teens are wont to do. I couldn't imagine losing the emotional intimacy we had, because she was the only person who really understood what I was going through. However, she didn't share my romantic feelings, and I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with that. We still spent as much time together as we could, but we had completely different intentions. She needed a friend, and I thought I needed something more. I was loneliest when she was around, and I always wanted her around.
Thankfully, and unfortunately, she eventually moved to another state. I was heartbroken at losing such a close friend, but it was good for both of us in the end. I was finally able to step back and realize the mistakes I had been making. She was helping me come to terms with losing my mom, as I was trying to do for her, but I hadn't made any headway on the depression. I was still lonely and sad and angry all the time, and I realized that the reasons hadn't gone away, they'd only put on disguises. I had been desperate for love and intimacy and validation, because losing my mom in the way that I did made me feel like I didn't have any of my own. Because of that realization, I was able to get the help I needed, and start climbing back towards recovery.
The things you're saying right now sound a lot like the things I was saying when I was fifteen, and I'm telling you that the real key to overcoming your emotional issues is [B]not[/B] your girl, or any girl. If you are anything like I was, then what you need to do is address the root cause of this turmoil: depression. I mean, I can't diagnose you from a couple of forum posts, but what you're saying is just so damn familiar to me. The insecurity, the mood swings, the abandonment issues, the jealousy, the neediness? It's all very indicative of one thing.
Take some time to think about it, at least! If you think you might be depressed, talk to a professional. Often, and continuously. Things aren't going to get better overnight. It'll take a determined effort and the benefit of time to help you get over this hump. You will get over it, though! I just hope you don't have to lose your friend, like I did, to make that clear to you. Once you do, complicated love and dating and intimacy will almost certainly be a lot less soul crushing. Still the pits, but, you know... Not quite as deep.
-snipper-
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;44161505]I lost my mom when I was thirteen, right as my good friend Tina's succumbed to cancer. We ended up getting very close as we helped each other through the mess. For years, I saw her and talked to her at every opportunity. She was my counselor, and I was hers, and I ended up falling for her hard, in the way that awkward pubescent teens are wont to do. I couldn't imagine losing the emotional intimacy we had, because she was the only person who really understood what I was going through. However, she didn't share my romantic feelings, and I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with that. We still spent as much time together as we could, but we had completely different intentions. She needed a friend, and I thought I needed something more. I was loneliest when she was around, and I always wanted her around.
Thankfully, and unfortunately, she eventually moved to another state. I was heartbroken at losing such a close friend, but it was good for both of us in the end. I was finally able to step back and realize the mistakes I had been making. She was helping me come to terms with losing my mom, as I was trying to do for her, but I hadn't made any headway on the depression. I was still lonely and sad and angry all the time, and I realized that the reasons hadn't gone away, they'd only put on disguises. I had been desperate for love and intimacy and validation, because losing my mom in the way that I did made me feel like I didn't have any of my own. Because of that realization, I was able to get the help I needed, and start climbing back towards recovery.
The things you're saying right now sound a lot like the things I was saying when I was fifteen, and I'm telling you that the real key to overcoming your emotional issues is [B]not[/B] your girl, or any girl. If you are anything like I was, then what you need to do is address the root cause of this turmoil: depression. I mean, I can't diagnose you from a couple of forum posts, but what you're saying is just so damn familiar to me. The insecurity, the mood swings, the abandonment issues, the jealousy, the neediness? It's all very indicative of one thing.
Take some time to think about it, at least! If you think you might be depressed, talk to a professional. Often, and continuously. Things aren't going to get better overnight. It'll take a determined effort and the benefit of time to help you get over this hump. You will get over it, though! I just hope you don't have to lose your friend, like I did, to make that clear to you. Once you do, complicated love and dating and intimacy will almost certainly be a lot less soul crushing. Still the pits, but, you know... Not quite as deep.[/QUOTE]
Oh my.. I dont know what to answer to that.. you are so right on every aspect! Wow that is truly eye opening. I should seek professional help, I am an emotional sensitive mess.. I have so much in my life I could life for and yet I am depressed (and I know that).
I take steps to get some professional help soon, when I finish studying in 2 months. I hope I won't forget to do it. I will write back more later at this, this is so damn kind I love you.
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well I ent to a party not too many hours ago, nobody talked to me so I was super lonely and bored. they only talked to me about my crush and when she finally arrived i was still just left alone. went into a dark closet under the stairs and heard my name mentioned more than once by the lady i like, i dont think they said nice things though. was bored a little more. i feel lonely.
[QUOTE=Zar;44164920]well I ent to a party not too many hours ago, nobody talked to me so I was super lonely and bored. they only talked to me about my crush and when she finally arrived i was still just left alone. went into a dark closet under the stairs and heard my name mentioned more than once by the lady i like, i dont think they said nice things though. was bored a little more. i feel lonely.[/QUOTE]
It's ok, that's what happens to me at social events too.
[QUOTE=Zar;44164920]well I ent to a party not too many hours ago, nobody talked to me so I was super lonely and bored. they only talked to me about my crush and when she finally arrived i was still just left alone. went into a dark closet under the stairs and heard my name mentioned more than once by the lady i like, i dont think they said nice things though. was bored a little more. i feel lonely.[/QUOTE]
If you want to talk to people, You have to go talk to Them not the other way round.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;44165164]If you want to talk to people, You have to go talk to Them not the other way round.[/QUOTE]
This is a big problem for me.
I'm terrible at making friends because I'm not a person full of initiative.
It's difficult to take the first step, but anything is way more likely to happen if you try and do something.
I've been lucky with the friend groups I have and have had, but having moved down to Arizona I have to make new ones.
First steps start with yourself and yourself alone.
It's not a crime to say hi to somebody you hardly know.
[sp](if only I could follow my own advice.)[/sp]
[QUOTE=Darkslicer;44164283]I talked to her very very openly to get to know what and who I am for her and where I am standing in this confusion mess.
So I am single. This will be a friendship, nothing more, her religion is to strong I can't save her. She still loves me but now I know where I stand, she treats me like her boyfriend but I am single, I kinda treat her like my girlfriend but she isn't. Time to move on, friendship kept, love of my life lost.[/QUOTE]
It's for the best, man. But a word of advice: don't resent her for this, and don't act like you somehow failed to "save" her from herself. Her religion is obviously an important part of her self-image, and it's terribly unfair for you to treat that like a failure on her part, or yours. It's who she is. It stinks, and you're going to be upset, but things are the way they are, and she was apparently very clear about that with you tonight. You know the terms of your relationship with her now, and you know they aren't going to change. That's much more liberating than it might feel at the moment. It's going to save you a lot of heartache and frustration.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;44165164]If you want to talk to people, You have to go talk to Them not the other way round.[/QUOTE]
small place, half of them were doing super secret chit chat where i heard my name. We were like 7-8 people.
[QUOTE=Zar;44167790]small place, half of them were doing super secret chit chat where i heard my name. We were like 7-8 people.[/QUOTE]
That doesnt have anything to do with what I said
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