Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[disseminate]

[QUOTE=Zar;44164920]well I ent to a party not too many hours ago, nobody talked to me so I was super lonely and bored. they only talked to me about my crush and when she finally arrived i was still just left alone. went into a dark closet under the stairs and heard my name mentioned more than once by the lady i like, i dont think they said nice things though. was bored a little more. i feel lonely.[/QUOTE]

pro tip

if you don't want to be lonely at a party don't hide in a dark closet under the stairs

[BackSapper]

How do I stop getting so damn anxious when texting someone? It's one of my biggest flaws, and I Always feel like she's ignoring me.

[editline]8th March 2014[/editline]

I usually Wait to text her at a convenient time for her, yet she either does not get back to me when she says so, or doesn't reply at all.

[MrCrumbCake]

So I met this girl on a film shoot, (She is an actress, I direct), and when we're together she seems into me, she's really outgoing in person, and we're always trying to make plans to work on projects together. However she never seems into it when having a conversation over text. For example, we were talking about the oscars the other day and she would give me short responses and if I asked a question that was just slightly personal, she would ignore it. It's also strange because in February she wished me a Happy Valentines Day over text. I wanted to ask her out that day, but people in this thread always say to ask girls out in person (I lurk), but we live some what far away and I don't see her on a daily basis. She never answer calls, but she always did that even when I first met her, so I couldn't ask her out over the phone. Do you guys think that was missed a opportunity? I feel like she lost interest in me because of that. Another reason could be that she only sees me as a "coworker" and doesn't want to ruin our projects because of a relationship. She also doesn't want to be friends on Facebook which I thought was odd since we've known each other for a while. Maybe she just doesn't like me lol. I don't know.

[ChestyMcGee]

[QUOTE=Zar;44167790]small place, half of them were doing super secret chit chat where i heard my name. We were like 7-8 people.[/QUOTE]

i'm willing to bet that they were saying "where is [your name]? he hasn't spoken to anyone tonight. that's odd. what? he's under the stairs in a dark closet? wtf"

it sounds like you totally created this awkward and lonely situation for yourself, not the other way around. be proactive. you have to get involved in conversations which isn't a very difficult thing to do. it's not even like you are required to add anything insightful, it can be really disarming and useful to just stand around and be a part of things - laugh at people's jokes, enjoy their stories. you gotta be open

[sloppy_joes]

[QUOTE=Zar;44167790]small place, half of them were doing super secret chit chat where i heard my name. We were like 7-8 people.[/QUOTE]

"hey i'm zar, i study marine biology, do you like game of thrones?"

trick question everyone likes game of thrones. just ask questions and get them to talk about themselves and then "oh my look we're having a conversation"

[editline]8th March 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=KommunistBear;44165586]This is a big problem for me.
I'm terrible at making friends because I'm not a person full of initiative.
It's difficult to take the first step, but anything is way more likely to happen if you try and do something.

I've been lucky with the friend groups I have and have had, but having moved down to Arizona I have to make new ones.

First steps start with yourself and yourself alone.
It's not a crime to say hi to somebody you hardly know.

[sp](if only I could follow my own advice.)[/sp][/QUOTE]

more people than you think are shy, it's not exactly uncommon to be shy.

alcohol makes everything easier though. once you have a few drinks your shyness goes away, and then you just have a conversation and learn how to socialize. once you learn how to socialize then the anxiety/shyness goes away and you can socialize sober.

[Big Dumb Patriot]

[QUOTE=MrCrumbCake;44171013]So I met this girl on a film shoot, (She is an actress, I direct), and when we're together she seems into me, she's really outgoing in person, and we're always trying to make plans to work on projects together. However she never seems into it when having a conversation over text. For example, we were talking about the oscars the other day and she would give me short responses and if I asked a question that was just slightly personal, she would ignore it. It's also strange because in February she wished me a Happy Valentines Day over text. I wanted to ask her out that day, but people in this thread always say to ask girls out in person (I lurk), but we live some what far away and I don't see her on a daily basis. She never answer calls, but she always did that even when I first met her, so I couldn't ask her out over the phone. Do you guys think that was missed a opportunity? I feel like she lost interest in me because of that. Another reason could be that she only sees me as a "coworker" and doesn't want to ruin our projects because of a relationship. She also doesn't want to be friends on Facebook which I thought was odd since we've known each other for a while. Maybe she just doesn't like me lol. I don't know.[/QUOTE]

Well, from the sounds of it, she's either not into texting, or not into you. I'd just hold your horses until you see her again, if I were in your shoes.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=MrCrumbCake;44171013]So I met this girl on a film shoot, (She is an actress, I direct), and when we're together she seems into me, she's really outgoing in person, and we're always trying to make plans to work on projects together. However she never seems into it when having a conversation over text. For example, we were talking about the oscars the other day and she would give me short responses and if I asked a question that was just slightly personal, she would ignore it. It's also strange because in February she wished me a Happy Valentines Day over text. I wanted to ask her out that day, but people in this thread always say to ask girls out in person (I lurk), but we live some what far away and I don't see her on a daily basis. She never answer calls, but she always did that even when I first met her, so I couldn't ask her out over the phone. Do you guys think that was missed a opportunity? I feel like she lost interest in me because of that. Another reason could be that she only sees me as a "coworker" and doesn't want to ruin our projects because of a relationship. She also doesn't want to be friends on Facebook which I thought was odd since we've known each other for a while. Maybe she just doesn't like me lol. I don't know.[/QUOTE]

I have the same issue where the girl I'm into doesn't text that much but when we're together she almost never shuts up. It's excusable though, she didn't have a cell phone until she was 18 so she probably still prefers talking to people in person.

[KommunistBear]

[QUOTE=sloppy_joes;44171205]
more people than you think are shy, it's not exactly uncommon to be shy.

alcohol makes everything easier though. once you have a few drinks your shyness goes away, and then you just have a conversation and learn how to socialize. once you learn how to socialize then the anxiety/shyness goes away and you can socialize sober.[/QUOTE]

No doubt.
The first two parties I went to I became friends with everyone
[sp](i just don't remember them)[/sp]

but real talk, no doubt.
Unfortunately I've had some bad experiences with alcohol and will probably have to wait several years before I try drinking again.

I'm just bad at doing things.
It's not even really that I am shy. I, and I make no excuse for this, am just lazy. I think, "maybe I should talk to this group of people... eh nah."
And thus I make no friends. But I do my best not to appear or sound hostile, so that maybe someone will think that they should talk to the weird kid in the corner.

One of these days I'm going to initiate a conversation and from then on I'll have all the friends in the world.

[PuduEbooks]

My first party was pretty shit, i guess they just aren't my thing.

[lordcrypto]

[QUOTE=MrCrumbCake;44171013]So I met this girl on a film shoot, (She is an actress, I direct), and when we're together she seems into me, she's really outgoing in person, and we're always trying to make plans to work on projects together. However she never seems into it when having a conversation over text. For example, we were talking about the oscars the other day and she would give me short responses and if I asked a question that was just slightly personal, she would ignore it. It's also strange because in February she wished me a Happy Valentines Day over text. I wanted to ask her out that day, but people in this thread always say to ask girls out in person (I lurk), but we live some what far away and I don't see her on a daily basis. She never answer calls, but she always did that even when I first met her, so I couldn't ask her out over the phone. Do you guys think that was missed a opportunity? I feel like she lost interest in me because of that. Another reason could be that she only sees me as a "coworker" and doesn't want to ruin our projects because of a relationship. She also doesn't want to be friends on Facebook which I thought was odd since we've known each other for a while. Maybe she just doesn't like me lol. I don't know.[/QUOTE]
imo i wouldn't date talent that i'm personally directing

has some weird boss implications

[edmyoshi]

[QUOTE=BackSapper;44170118]How do I stop getting so damn anxious when texting someone? It's one of my biggest flaws, and I Always feel like she's ignoring me.

[editline]8th March 2014[/editline]

I usually Wait to text her at a convenient time for her, yet she either does not get back to me when she says so, or doesn't reply at all.[/QUOTE]

Make yourself not want her as much and you'll be fine. Just run that through your head. Why would you want to try and put so much effort into someone that looks like they aren't going to return.

[QUOTE=MrCrumbCake;44171013]So I met this girl on a film shoot, (She is an actress, I direct), and when we're together she seems into me, she's really outgoing in person, and we're always trying to make plans to work on projects together. However she never seems into it when having a conversation over text. For example, we were talking about the oscars the other day and she would give me short responses and if I asked a question that was just slightly personal, she would ignore it. It's also strange because in February she wished me a Happy Valentines Day over text. I wanted to ask her out that day, but people in this thread always say to ask girls out in person (I lurk), but we live some what far away and I don't see her on a daily basis. She never answer calls, but she always did that even when I first met her, so I couldn't ask her out over the phone. Do you guys think that was missed a opportunity? I feel like she lost interest in me because of that. Another reason could be that she only sees me as a "coworker" and doesn't want to ruin our projects because of a relationship. She also doesn't want to be friends on Facebook which I thought was odd since we've known each other for a while. Maybe she just doesn't like me lol. I don't know.[/QUOTE]

Sorry to say bro but she might not be interested. You figured it all out already. She's not worth it.

[Ms. Gyroscope]

Im genderqueer and I wanna find more people like me. I think there might be an LGBT Club that meets after school but I dont know what day. Should I go and investigate?

[KommunistBear]

[QUOTE=Mysterious Mr.E;44174841]Im genderqueer and I wanna find more people like me. I think there might be an LGBT Club that meets after school but I dont know what day. Should I go and investigate?[/QUOTE]

Hell yea, dude.
Those clubs always love new people coming in.

[MrCrumbCake]

Thanks for all the comments guys, but I really like her so I want to see how far I can get. Plus I still would like keep in contact with her because she is a good friend.

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;44171430]Well, from the sounds of it, she's either not into texting, or not into you. I'd just hold your horses until you see her again, if I were in your shoes.[/QUOTE]
I don't know when I'll see her again, so should I keep texting her regularly? I don't want to feel like I'm bothering her or anything.

[Ms. Gyroscope]

[QUOTE=KommunistBear;44174931]Hell yea, dude.
Those clubs always love new people coming in.[/QUOTE]

Alright. I need to find out what day it is tho.

[Saza]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;44171525]I have the same issue where the girl I'm into doesn't text that much but when we're together she almost never shuts up. It's excusable though, she didn't have a cell phone until she was 18 so she probably still prefers talking to people in person.[/QUOTE]

Both me and my (now, pretty much as of a few days ago we both decided it's a thing) girlfriend are quiet people. We'll text a couple of times per day and we'll talk when I see her but a lot of the time we're quiet (we're just both like that by nature, really) when we're together, near others or not. I don't really have an issue with it and I really don't think she does either, we're both really happy with the other's presence.

[Ms. Gyroscope]

Also my friends never text me back but when I see them Irl they still get excited when they see me. Why is that. I never get to go anywhere. Im all alone every day

[Big Dumb Patriot]

[U]I dated a Weeaboo, Vol. 1[/U]

I think I'm about to date a weeaboo. We've got totally different peer groups and interests ( for example, she's a Hardcore weeaboo), but she's super cute, we click, and I'm p. sure we're going out this Saturday. I have to reconcile these strange emotions with my strong compulsion take her lunch money.

[editline]9th March 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Mysterious Mr.E;44176801]Also my friends never text me back but when I see them Irl they still get excited when they see me. Why is that. I never get to go anywhere. Im all alone every day[/QUOTE]

Give me your fucking lunch money.

[Inspector Jones]

[QUOTE=shian;44120956]so I want to ask you guys, any of you tried dating/social applications or sites? The apps seems immensely popular now, and what are you guy's views on it? good? bad? there's a few, and they are like those instant messaging apps, cent you get to chat with anyone on it.[/QUOTE]

I just wanted to share. I went and joined OKcupid, with the belief that I wouldn't find anyone. By an amazing stroke of luck; I met someone who's fantastic. Like honestly, it blew my expectations away. Obviously, your mileage may vary; but don't discount dating sites/apps.

[rammaster]

my level of self-worth has been pretty shitty lately... It's like I always feel as though why would anyone like me at all when there's so many other people out there that's probably more interesting than me and I usually feel like a waste of time to people. sorry if this sounds a bit depressing but... idk.

[Big Dumb Patriot]

Dating sites aren't just for social rejects anymore. There's an old stigma about them being home to the bottom of the barrel, but they are massive now, especially with apps making it so easy to connect. Tinder, OKcupid, Match.com, PlentyOfFish: probably half the people you bump into each day have an account on at least one.

Hell, I've gone a few dates through OKcupid. Nothing really stuck, but it's legit. I'm even starting to have some luck with Tinder. I haven't met anybody yet, but I'm talking to a few girls. It's pretty dang common these days.

[Heigou]

My only gripe with dating websites is how you can't really just do small talk and go at it slowly, you have to make a bomb of an impression the first time around and keep it going for as long as the girl want it to be. I also feel like everyone has huge expectations. Though that's just my own experience, maybe they're bad experiences idk.

[Breakfast Buddy]

Dating sites are extremely useful if you're post-college in a new town with a new job or something
just don't use them as a crutch for a lack of self esteem or social life

[Tin Can™]

[QUOTE=Rammaster;44177037]my level of self-worth has been pretty shitty lately... It's like I always feel as though why would anyone like me at all when there's so many other people out there that's probably more interesting than me and I usually feel like a waste of time to people. sorry if this sounds a bit depressing but... idk.[/QUOTE]

I had that exact thought process for a long time, then I started going to college and started meeting people of all different ages [I](within the 18-28 range, and sometimes over 30)[/I], and I started having interest for a classmate.

After only a few weeks she started giving me shittons of attention and signals back which made me feel super confident and radiate happiness, and gave me the thought that someone would actually like [I]boring 19 year old overweight dude who barely talks because he doesn't know what to talk about[/I].

What I'm saying [I](probably badly)[/I] is that even if you're uninteresting as hell, aslong as you have a cool and unique personality, and you actively pursue a significant other, you'll eventually get attention from whoever you were pursuing [I](although not necessarily, age range/"mental maturity" comes in play among othe things)[/I], or in my case: Even get attention from someone who I had not much thought about pursuing earlier.

Also ofc depends on age range, If you're in your early or mid teens don't expect alot of people who go for personality there, can't offer any advice there.
But I've found in my college that people [B]over[/B] 20 have a much more "mature" look on other people. It is [B]REALLY[/B] hard to [B]NOT[/B] fit in where I currently study.

I hope that was atleast slightly readable and I got my point across to you :smile:

[Uncle Fassbender]

[QUOTE=Glitchman;44178405]Dating sites are extremely useful if you're post-college in a new town with a new job or something
[B]just don't use them as a crutch for a lack of self esteem or social life[/B][/QUOTE]

Well, shit.

[titopei]

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;44176913][U]I dated a Weeaboo, Vol. 1[/U]

I think I'm about to date a weeaboo. We've got totally different peer groups and interests ( for example, she's a Hardcore weeaboo), but she's super cute, we click, and I'm p. sure we're going out this Saturday. I have to reconcile these strange emotions with my strong compulsion take her lunch money.

[editline]9th March 2014[/editline]

Give me your fucking lunch money.[/QUOTE]

I'm about to ask a weeb out this Wednesday, I'll see how it goes. I've been talking to her for a while

[editline]9th March 2014[/editline]

hopefully we aren't talking about the same one

[kaine123]

God, I hate when I get messaged by someone close and they're in a foul mood, especially when they're sad for whatever reason. It's like I want to cheer them up but half the time I have no idea what to say. I've definitely found that it's better to try to communicate empathy over sympathy.

[ForDaNords]

Is "Hey, you look great today" a good compliment for someone you've never spoken to?

[Chain_Smoker]

What are the best topics to bring up during a conversation on a date? What kind of topics shouldn't I bring?

[Heigou]

[QUOTE=kaine123;44183855]God, I hate when I get messaged by someone close and they're in a foul mood, especially when they're sad for whatever reason. It's like I want to cheer them up but half the time I have no idea what to say. I've definitely found that it's better to try to communicate empathy over sympathy.[/QUOTE]

Most people are looking for someone to vent out to rather than actually looking for advices, took me some time to figure that out because as a guy, whenever someone came to me with a problem, my "fix-it" switch lit the fuck up and I was immediately on problem solving when all I really had to do was listen up and they'd feel better just by having talked about it.