Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;44500938]Boyfriend and I decided to sort everything out. We're back together. Things are actually going a lot better than they were before we broke up - we're working on communicating better and are trying to spend a lot more time together.[/QUOTE]
That actually makes me so happy to hear. Some of us may not be so lucky, but I'm glad you've got a second chance like this...
My friend asked my (girl) crush/friend/whatever to prom, she said yes I feel like utter shit. I can't exactly blame my friends for it if they feel that way then they feel that way I just feel so fucking shit.
[QUOTE=ozzypozzy;44503597]My friend asked my (girl) crush/friend/whatever to prom, she said yes I feel like utter shit. I can't exactly blame my friends for it if they feel that way then they feel that way I just feel so fucking shit.[/QUOTE]
I know that feeling all too well. That's happened with every girl I've ever liked, if that's any consolation.
[editline]10th April 2014[/editline]
I'm starting to think they're doing it on purpose...
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go to prom this year. Neither of us really care, so I'm going to take her to a nice dinner out. I hope that's not a bad thing.
One of IBG's best friends died early this morning. Leukemia. She was only eighteen. I'm trying to comfort my girl as best as I can, but she's over there, and I'm over here. I wish I could just hold her and let her cry it out, because that's really all you can do in a situation like this. I feel totally ineffectual, sending her this Hallmark schlock over text.
Right so i'm in a bit of a sticky situation and I was hoping somebody here might have some advice or something.
A female friend of mine recently broke up with her BF of two years and during this time I didn't really get to see or talk to her that much (her BF was rather overprotective), but since she broke up with him i've been seeing her and speaking to her quite a lot and we've got quite close. So about a week or so after she broke up with her BF, she started talking to quite a few boys (about 10) although she said she didn't want a relationship with any of them, about two weeks after she'd split with her BF I decided to ask her out (in retrospect it was probably too soon) and she said that she wasn't looking for a serious relationship and obviously I completely understood why and apologised. However, when I was talking to her after she proposed the idea of being friends with benefits, and I accepted.
We've not actually done anything yet (mostly due to a lack of time) but since then i've become somewhat attached to her and told her that I loved her, to which she responded the same way. Since then, her ex has been somewhat pushy on her to get back together with him (he doesn't know about me and her) and she's too nice to say no (citing she doesn't want to hurt his feelings again) and she admitted that she also has feelings for him again. So that put me in a rather awkward situation, she had feelings for both myself and her ex, so I asked her to choose between us because she can't have both and i'm not going to be treated like the second best. She ended up choosing him claiming that the reason was because I had forced her to choose (sounds like a conveniently BS reason).
After that I left it for a few days and didn't really speak to her that much until I asked her if she wanted to go for Coffee or something so that we could talk for a bit (we never actually got to go for coffee, again, lack of free time) but our conversation spiralled into talking about doing stuff together again, she asked if I still wanted to do stuff with her and I responded positively. Now i'm back in the same situation I was before, but worse, since her ex thinks that him and her are getting back together again but he has no idea about me and her and what's worse is that she said she still likes me.
She has a habit of telling people what they want to hear, rather than what she actually thinks - which is annoying to say the least. I've got no idea whether anything she said was true or whether it was all BS, i'm even doubting whether she still has feelings for me. It's also a possibility that she's just using (/used) me to make her ex jealous or whatever, since the reason they split up is because he started seeing another girl behind her back. When I told her that sooner or later she'd have to choose between me and her ex, she said that she didn't want to lose either of us (sounds awfully like BS).
I've narrowed it down to a few things that I can do: Tell her I don't want to see or speak to her again (citing lack of trust/current status with ex), do *stuff* with her and then tell her I don't want to see or speak to her again (major dick move) or just carry on with it and see what happens (this sounds like the worst option).
What do I do?
So I think I'm about to have my first boyfriend soon, possibly.
Which up until now I've only dated girls so I've never even kissed a guy—only recently in my life did I realise I might like guys and furthermore, I haven't been in a relationship in literally years I think (2 of them—years).
So far everything about this seems great except...
The guy that I might end up with is the year-and-a-half crush of a good friend of mine, and while the guy I'm after has said that he doesn't like my friend in that way really, and my friend has sorta given me his permission to go after this guy, but I know my friend is gonna get hurt regardless.
Bluh. :I
Dorkslayz, stop letting her toy with you (and his) feelings and just drop her. Mean it and stay away this time. Shes not worth it if she cant make up her own mind if she wants to be with you or not, and she cant just keep both of you around for second options if one falls through its totally unfair.
Dorkslayz this chick a scouser?
[QUOTE=Boss;44508547]Dorkslayz this chick a scouser?[/QUOTE]
Nah, she's not.
Ye, Dork, that's way too complicated to be fun. Drop that shit and buy a cape, because you've just saved yourself a lot of trouble, and sometimes it's nice to feel like a hero.
Okay so I spoke to her, told her that there's more reasons why I shouldn't be trying to get into a relationship with her than there are reasons to be trying to get into a relationship with her. Mentioned how she's probably gonna get back together with her ex and i'm not going to be a second option or used as a backup if that falls through.
Her response was pretty much along the lines of "Well I can't give you what you want so you might as well just stop trying".
Not even upset, just disappointed.
honestly, i'm just gonna give up with even try going for a girl. i just hope it will come naturally, girls have never really taken interest in me, so as soon as this sweet girl took interest in hanging out with me i got waaaayyy too optimistic and thought i had a shot at this, even though she really just wanted to be friends with me. after the summer i'm gonna be meeting tons of new people, and tons of new girls my age. so that's where i'll try my luck.
Hi, guys.
Been a while since I last posted here, been going through some family issues latelly (health related) so that's why I haven't come here that often.
Well, last time I posted here it was about a girl and how the situation with my mom sucked and blablabla.
Things are better. I mean way better, all the problems and worries are over, my mom's ok, I'm motivated for university, started to learn German and got back in the gym. So I've been really active and happy these days.
I've restated my social life, started going out again and in the meantime got invited two weeks ago for a dinner party of a friend of mine. Cool thing was this girl I have a crush on was there, you know the one I talk about here non stop and all that. We go out on dinners and lunches when we can and whatnot but we never got to have anything because, well we both go to uni, distance and t be honest I haven't got the balls to actually go for it.
Anyway, met her again at that dinner and we'll probably meet again for lunch during Easter vacations. I'm happy to actually see her again, and not that I'm deluding myself by creating expectations, I think she might like me. I don't know, she sends me these signs as if she's teasing me.
During that dinner she made me realize there was something more going on, I mean, there was a lot of people there but I noticed that every time I'd stuck a conversation with another girl she would fit in and participate in the conversation until the point where I was no longer talking to the other person but with her. I know it might be me exaggerating, it might be her personality but there are so many factors and signs from her part that it makes me wonder that she likes me.
Also I got a little late for the dinner due to traffic as I was with 3 of her best friends in the car, and she would still call me to know if I would be taking too long to get there. And it's not just that, she gives me this look in the eyes when we're talking, she smiles at me and laughs whenever I say something funny, even if it's mediocre.
I'm kind of confused to be honest, "does she like me, doesn't she like me?", part of me is afraid she'll turn me down and things get awkward but another part of me wants that girl real bad. I haven't been this much in love with someone for a long time to be honest and it feels kind of good and strange at the same time.
I don't know.. Well but anyway, at the end of the dinner we said a long goodbye. Talked a bit for a while and all that and I asked here when could we meet again and that I loved to see her again. She said that we could meet during Easter vacation which is awesome.
My only insecurity here is, am I feeling like this because 3 years with no one made me "needy" and I'm just seeing in her what I want to see? Or am I being sincere with myself and making real expectations about all this? Should I let her how I feel? I feel that I know her well enough to let her know how I feel.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;44512414]Hi, guys.
Been a while since I last posted here, been going through some family issues latelly (health related) so that's why I haven't come here that often.
Well, last time I posted here it was about a girl and how the situation with my mom sucked and blablabla.
Things are better. I mean way better, all the problems and worries are over, my mom's ok, I'm motivated for university, started to learn German and got back in the gym. So I've been really active and happy these days.
I've restated my social life, started going out again and in the meantime got invited two weeks ago for a dinner party of a friend of mine. Cool thing was this girl I have a crush on was there, you know the one I talk about here non stop and all that. We go out on dinners and lunches when we can and whatnot but we never got to have anything because, well we both go to uni, distance and t be honest I haven't got the balls to actually go for it.
Anyway, met her again at that dinner and we'll probably meet again for lunch during Easter vacations. I'm happy to actually see her again, and not that I'm deluding myself by creating expectations, I think she might like me. I don't know, she sends me these signs as if she's teasing me.
During that dinner she made me realize there was something more going on, I mean, there was a lot of people there but I noticed that every time I'd stuck a conversation with another girl she would fit in and participate in the conversation until the point where I was no longer talking to the other person but with her. I know it might be me exaggerating, it might be her personality but there are so many factors and signs from her part that it makes me wonder that she likes me.
Also I got a little late for the dinner due to traffic as I was with 3 of her best friends in the car, and she would still call me to know if I would be taking too long to get there. And it's not just that, she gives me this look in the eyes when we're talking, she smiles at me and laughs whenever I say something funny, even if it's mediocre.
I'm kind of confused to be honest, "does she like me, doesn't she like me?", part of me is afraid she'll turn me down and things get awkward but another part of me wants that girl real bad. I haven't been this much in love with someone for a long time to be honest and it feels kind of good and strange at the same time.
I don't know.. Well but anyway, at the end of the dinner we said a long goodbye. Talked a bit for a while and all that and I asked here when could we meet again and that I loved to see her again. She said that we could meet during Easter vacation which is awesome.
My only insecurity here is, am I feeling like this because 3 years with no one made me "needy" and I'm just seeing in her what I want to see? Or am I being sincere with myself and making real expectations about all this? Should I tell her how I feel? I feel that I know her well how I feel.[/QUOTE]
The only way you will know is to ask her out on a proper date for Easter vacation.
And no don't "tell her how you feel", show it don't tell. You've been here long enough to know that man
I made some grammar mistakes up there so here's what I think of it:
I don't plan to let her know just by going all in and tell her "hey I like you". I've been down that road with her 6 years ago and things didn't go through. That because at the time we weren't that close to each other. To be honest at that time we would just meet and talk a bit in concerts and cinema.
However I didn't insist on it and the "awkwardness" dissipated real quick.
I want to let her know rather than going for a "mouth assault" first (or as usual) because I'm looking for something meaningful. I'm looking for love. And if she actually likes me the way I like her, I don't see how letting her know would actually do any harm. And to be honest if she doesn't like me the same way, then what's the point in insisting?
I want all or nothing at this point. Nothing being the friendship we have now, rather than a "friends with benefits" status. I've been running away of things for a long time and it makes me wonder that if love isn't to be lived passionately and intensely than it's not worth it.
I mean, some people think that a kiss is more romantic that showing your feelings but I just don't think that's necessarily rule.
Like I said I'm not defending a cold pop of "let her know" out of the blue just to get it out of the way. All I'm saying is that if she ever opened the same way I intend to towards me, my heart would melt. It would be the cuttest thing a girl would ever do for me.
But of course a kiss is also complex and romantic in meaning. Whatever floats the boat, I say. I just want to - with the experience I got - do things my way in the search for love, friendship and its meaning, and taking my time instead of following some bland code of "rules
of engagement" that just serve to get to the prize quicker whose only parameters are basic psychology and probability.
Call me naive, but I believe there are stronger bonds than that, that bring people together and that's the path I'm seeking.
Also, strange as it may seems, in Portugal we don't have a word for "date" "dating". We have "namorar" or "encontro" but the first implies you're already in the relationship the second is kind of "cheesy" and I mean, cringe-worthy "cheesy". It's almost the same as "date" but I don't know, it isn't as subtle and it's too god damn obvious. I would never use it.
-snip don't ever follow my advice-
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;44516334]I made some grammar mistakes up there so here's what I think of it:
I don't plan to let her know just by going all in and tell her "hey I like you". I've been down that road with her 6 years ago and things didn't go through. That because at the time we weren't that close to each other. To be honest at that time we would just meet and talk a bit in concerts and cinema.
However I didn't insist on it and the "awkwardness" dissipated real quick.
I want to let her know rather than going for a "mouth assault" first (or as usual) because I'm looking for something meaningful. I'm looking for love. And if she actually likes me the way I like her, I don't see how letting her know would actually do any harm. And to be honest if she doesn't like me the same way, then what's the point in insisting?
I want all or nothing at this point. Nothing being the friendship we have now, rather than a "friends with benefits" status. I've been running away of things for a long time and it makes me wonder that if love isn't to be lived passionately and intensely than it's not worth it.
I mean, some people think that a kiss is more romantic that showing your feelings but I just don't think that's necessarily rule.
Like I said I'm not defending a cold pop of "let her know" out of the blue just to get it out of the way. All I'm saying is that if she ever opened the same way I intend to towards me, my heart would melt. It would be the cuttest thing a girl would ever do for me.
But of course a kiss is also complex and romantic in meaning. Whatever floats the boat, I say. I just want to - with the experience I got - do things my way in the search for love, friendship and its meaning, and taking my time instead of following some bland code of "rules
of engagement" that just serve to get to the prize quicker whose only parameters are basic psychology and probability.
Call me naive, but I believe there are stronger bonds than that, that bring people together and that's the path I'm seeking.
Also, strange as it may seems, in Portugal we don't have a word for "date" "dating". We have "namorar" or "encontro" but the first implies you're already in the relationship the second is kind of "cheesy" and I mean, cringe-worthy "cheesy". It's almost the same as "date" but I don't know, it isn't as subtle and it's too god damn obvious. I would never use it.[/QUOTE]
So until a few hours ago I was in the exact same logic then yours . Instead of going into some awkward kamikaze declaration, slowly letting her now. Stuff like smiles, eye-contact , proximity in classrooms ...and seizing every single opportunity that showed up to talk to her, because she's not in my friends circle. It's been like that for, like , 4-5 fucking whole monthes ( in my mind it's like 2 weeks , I totally didn't realize how long it has been ) . So today I wanted to go a step further . It was early in the morning. We were alone in the hallway, we were discussing random stuff, I then asked, hopeful, " So what do you do for easter vacations ? "
She answered: " Well next week i'm with my boyfriend in [warm mediterranean city 800km away] '' .
I'm done for today, what a good ways to start this 2 weeks school break. She never spoke about a boyfriend before.
So that "fishing" game isn't really a good idea. It's really slow and leads you to nowhere, she probably gets like 2% of what's you're trying to discreetly express, and you end up being f*cked because, as she's not into your friend group, you only know what she publicly reveal. I have no clue about another way of doing the "letting her know" game that would possibly give results. I guess you have to be lucky and actually fall in love with someone that you can actually easily approach
I just skimmed the last couple of posts and 2 or 3 of you are already giving up?
[QUOTE=D3TBS;44520582]I just skimmed the last couple of posts and 2 or 3 of you are already giving up?[/QUOTE]
Well I was just giving a feedback of my experience. When she's already taken you don't have alot of choices beside giving up for that one time :suicide:
Just waiting for someone else to catch your interrest while your actual crush is having fun with someone else.
I'm positive she doesn't have a boyfriend and I'm pretty positive that despite having some circumstancial similarities our cases are not alike.
Also, I'm not playing any games, I'm just gona be me, plain and simple. I'm seriously not giving up just because it can go bad.
Some shit happened the past few days with me. There's this girl I've been on a few dates with. It's been going pretty slow, and there hasn't really been anything romantic yet. I didn't know until last night, but she wants to take things slow because of some bad relationships in the past. Anyway, the last week or so, it seemed like she wasn't really all that into it and I thought she wasn't connecting.
Well, Tuesday, I was at college hanging around in a study room. This girl who was a friend of a friend comes in and we started talking. Before she left, she gave me her number and we started texting. I mentioned I was dating someone but we still kept talking. The next night, she calls me and we talked for over 3 hours, late into the night. Almost, immediately when she called she was asking about the girl I was dating and was saying if it wasn't serious after all this time, then why was I wasting my time. We connected so well that I even started being interested in her and was flirting and leading her on. Just yesterday I was at a university for orientation and she showed up and met me on campus. We walked around the campus and sat underneath an art sculpture for quite some time. There we even cuddled slightly. She even showed up an hour late for work to spend more time with me.
Then the guilt set in. I spilled the beans to the first girl about what happened. She was pretty upset. I had no idea she was even committed to anything between us. I felt caught in this weird mix of a just friends status with an odd commitment clause. I still want to pursue a relationship at some point with the first girl, but sometimes it feels like there isn't much of a return on investment with her taking things so slow. I feel guilty for what I did but I also feel somewhat justified. I'm just so conflicted right now.
dunno why you should feel guilty. Were you "officially" together or something? Just try the first girl, try the second girl, she what moves and stuff, you're not cheating on anybody so you shouldnt feel like you are
[editline]12th April 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=426_Hemi;44520367]So until a few hours ago I was in the exact same logic then yours . Instead of going into some awkward kamikaze declaration, slowly letting her now. Stuff like smiles, eye-contact , proximity in classrooms ...and seizing every single opportunity that showed up to talk to her, because she's not in my friends circle. It's been like that for, like , 4-5 fucking whole monthes ( in my mind it's like 2 weeks , I totally didn't realize how long it has been ) . So today I wanted to go a step further . It was early in the morning. We were alone in the hallway, we were discussing random stuff, I then asked, hopeful, " So what do you do for easter vacations ? "
She answered: " Well next week i'm with my boyfriend in [warm mediterranean city 800km away] '' .
I'm done for today, what a good ways to start this 2 weeks school break. She never spoke about a boyfriend before.
So that "fishing" game isn't really a good idea. It's really slow and leads you to nowhere, she probably gets like 2% of what's you're trying to discreetly express, and you end up being f*cked because, as she's not into your friend group, you only know what she publicly reveal. I have no clue about another way of doing the "letting her know" game that would possibly give results. I guess you have to be lucky and actually fall in love with someone that you can actually easily approach[/QUOTE]
back to this one,
there's ways to show her your interest that isnt writing a letter, you're right. But then again you can also show her interest in just a matter of minutes and you can also always ask her if she's single or not because guess what, that also shows interest
[QUOTE=D3TBS;44522267]dunno why you should feel guilty. Were you "officially" together or something? Just try the first girl, try the second girl, she what moves and stuff, you're not cheating on anybody so you shouldnt feel like you are
[/QUOTE]
That's part of what's confusing about this for me. We weren't officially together at all. At the same time though, it seems like she is expecting some sort of exclusivity. She wants a commitment without there really being anything to commit to.
I feel like that is the general feeling in my area. Even if you're just going out on dates, a lot of people feel like that should be an exclusive thing. Girl 1's best friend is my cousin. I talked with her about it and she is of the opinion that if you're even talking to someone, it should be exclusive.
[QUOTE=Splash Attack;44522404]That's part of what's confusing about this for me. We weren't officially together at all. At the same time though, it seems like she is expecting some sort of exclusivity. She wants a commitment without there really being anything to commit to.
I feel like that is the general feeling in my area. Even if you're just going out on dates, a lot of people feel like that should be an exclusive thing. Girl 1's best friend is my cousin. I talked with her about it and she is of the opinion that if you're even talking to someone, it should be exclusive.[/QUOTE]
The foundation of any good relationship is communication. Start early and develop that right away.
Talk to girl 1 and explain how you feel. Either you agree or disagree but if your gonna work with anybody you need to learn to communicate your feelings and expectations to eachother.
I guess I left this part out of my story: I told girl 1 that I like her and even though there hasn't been anything romantic yet, I still would like to pursue something with her. In the end I picked her over the new girl.
But yes I agree. There was a communication issue and didn't know how invested she was in this or whether this was supposed to be an exclusive thing or not.
Well today I saw the girl I like for probably the last time until next school year starts. I was thinking about telling her I have feelings for her but decided that was a bad idea. She promised to keep in touch over the summer though. Now, my question is, how would I go about easing her into wanting to have a relationship when school starts up again? Because it's not like we'll get to see each other over the summer.
[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;44523731]Well today I saw the girl I like for probably the last time until next school year starts. I was thinking about telling her I have feelings for her but decided that was a bad idea. She promised to keep in touch over the summer though. Now, my question is, how would I go about easing her into wanting to have a relationship when school starts up again? Because it's not like we'll get to see each other over the summer.[/QUOTE]
Keep in touch. Hang out with her. If she is interested she'll probably show it one way or another. Make a move.
Or you know, fuck that and [I]just fucking ask her out. [/I]
[QUOTE=The Maestro;44500726]Did this. She said yes; We're planning to go to coffee on Friday.[/QUOTE]
Well this seems to have been a bit of a dud. Seems like she was totally removed from the whole thing, and didn't think of it as a date.
I already set plans for another get together in motion but honestly, I'm pretty disappointed with how reserved she suddenly became and almost don't feel like trying any more.
[QUOTE=The Maestro;44525880]Well this seems to have been a bit of a dud. Seems like she was totally removed from the whole thing, and didn't think of it as a date.
I already set plans for another get together in motion but honestly, I'm pretty disappointed with how reserved she suddenly became and almost don't feel like trying any more.[/QUOTE]
Did you specify it was a date to her beforehand? Also, even if she was removed, how much did you talk to her?
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