Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
I've recently figured out that all my social problems result directly from my massive self-hate. Sounds obvious, but it's taken me a long time to figure that out. I'm trying to stop because it's kind of a problem but holy hell it's hard to not want to kill yourself every time you make a tiny mistake.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;44573634]Most marriage ceremonies are pretty sexist and outdated. My sister had a non religious wedding, but it followed standard procedure and I can't explain how much it irked me being led to and picked up from my standing space as a bridesmaid.
Thanks I can walk two steps on my own so we can meet in the middle[/QUOTE]
I haven't been to a wedding since I was very young, so maybe I would have had the same feelings toward any religious wedding. I don't have much to compare it to.
[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;44574071]I seriously think that marriage should represent for the couples more than just a social tie with it's attached benefits.
[B] For me[/B] it's much more meaningful to marry by the Church. I don't mean this because of the "procedures" itself or any kind of cultural preciosity nor am I saying that only church marriages are real, I'm nobody to tell other marriages are wrong.
I just think that making it so that your union is recognized by God is one of the most sincere love proofs ever. It's basically transcending your relationship and your love to a whole new level, which is pretty exciting. A new beginning for a love life among two people and a more complex meaning for the start of a family.
This is why I value people that still marry by the Church.
But that's just me.[/QUOTE]
I actually felt a little bit jealous of the couple when I was at their wedding because of how big of a day it was for them. They had only been together for a few months and barely spent time together. They were getting an apartment together after marrying. Like you said, it also meant their relationship was being "recognized by God". In comparison, my boyfriend and I have already lived together for a year and a half, and since we don't have morals tied to a religion (like no premarital sex etc) there isn't much for us to look forward to after getting married, aside from the option of having kids eventually (which is still an option either way, but will probably happen after marriage simply because of choices in timing).
I've kind of concluded at this point that when I get married I want it to be at a point where I can afford to have a kind of fancy wedding, because the celebration of it seems like it will be a bigger deal than the impact it will have on our life. I can't see it meaning much more to us than a way of proving to others that we've committed.
[QUOTE=AtomicSans;44574928]I've recently figured out that all my social problems result directly from my massive self-hate. Sounds obvious, but it's taken me a long time to figure that out. I'm trying to stop because it's kind of a problem but holy hell it's hard to not want to kill yourself every time you make a tiny mistake.[/QUOTE]
Self esteem makes or breaks any person, what you think on the inside shows on the outside. Everyone has an issue of scolding themselves in their minds from simple things like mistakes and so forth. You're not alone and a good way to help over come with negativity is to keep reassuring yourself with positive thoughts (ex I'm a stud!). Everyone is prone to mistakes, don't sit there and grovel in them. Look back at the mistake and analyze it, learn from it so that next time you will be able to handle some other mistake in a more fitting manner.
Also reading self-help books is powerful as well; look into How You Can Have Confidence And Power by Les Giblin or Psycho Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. Sounds cheesy but there's a damn good reason why CEOs read a copious amount of books every month.
There's this really attractive girl who finds me extremely attractive and I want to get with her. Any suggestions?
[QUOTE=Leader of Me;44575574]There's this really attractive girl who finds me extremely attractive and I want to get with her. Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]
askherout
[QUOTE=Leader of Me;44575574]There's this really attractive girl who finds me extremely attractive and I want to get with her. Any suggestions?[/QUOTE]
get with her
I'm seeing her tomorrow. I'll see what happens.
if shes extremely into you, its easy game
[QUOTE=Rhenae;44573634]Most marriage ceremonies are pretty sexist and outdated. My sister had a non religious wedding, but it followed standard procedure and I can't explain how much it irked me being led to and picked up from my standing space as a bridesmaid.
Thanks I can walk two steps on my own so we can meet in the middle[/QUOTE]
To be dead honest, I've always disliked the whole idea of marriage, the fact that you're tied to someone "forever" and the amount of shit you go through to try and end it makes me feel like it isn't worth it
I'm all for same sex couples having it and all but I'd rather be in a de facto relationship
Know this is more about friends and potential relationships and such but would anyone be willing to offer me an idea as to ending a civil war with my Mum over a piece of furniture.
Basically she got me this chair to help my back which has a medical condition and essentially I've just had issues with it from day one,(And I suppose the boiling pot has been there too) its too big, looks like it belongs in an old folks home and worst of all does absolutely nothing to help with my back. (I suffered massive back pain a few weeks after I got it in fact that caused me to pull out of college for the day, and the fact that walking the dog has almost completely freed me of it since I started doing it a month ago) I've really tried explaining this to her but she just sends condemnation and threats my way.
[QUOTE=Genericenemy;44580110]Know this is more about friends and potential relationships and such but would anyone be willing to offer me an idea as to ending a civil war with my Mum over a piece of furniture.
Basically she got me this chair to help my back which has a medical condition and essentially I've just had issues with it from day one,(And I suppose the boiling pot has been there too) its too big, looks like it belongs in an old folks home and worst of all does absolutely nothing to help with my back. (I suffered massive back pain a few weeks after I got it in fact that caused me to pull out of college for the day, and the fact that walking the dog has almost completely freed me of it since I started doing it a month ago) I've really tried explaining this to her but she just sends condemnation and threats my way.[/QUOTE]
You need to look at it from her point of view as well, and acknowledge that when you talk to her. She went out and bought you a special thing to try to help you with your back problem and at least the way it sounds your just shitting all over that effort (good chair or not)
[QUOTE=Rhenae;44580494]You need to look at it from her point of view as well, and acknowledge that when you talk to her. She went out and bought you a special thing to try to help you with your back problem and at least the way it sounds your just shitting all over that effort (good chair or not)[/QUOTE]
Well she didn't buy it as such, just these folks from I believe part of the health service to help people like me. She is the one who arranged it all, not me. Its kinda my fault because they shown it to me in my living room and I just couldn't conjure up the balls to say "Look this just doesn't work for me and it certainly won't work upstairs" and I'm pretty sure that would of been the end of it. This whole thing is a disaster and I certainly can't shield at least part of the responsibility on me.
Alright I need some help. I kind of feel like I should apologize for not posting in this thread anymore? I just feel like I could've updated all the people who helped me fix my shit and whatnot on my goings on. I don't necessarily expect to be remembered, but long story short I got my girlfriend back, got a handle on my depression, and, I finally got a job six weeks ago. So I mean, I want to at least thank you guys for all the help back then. Anyway.
The job is what this is about. I got a job at a nearby Sonic Drive-in. I was pretty happy about it at first, I mean, I could say I worked at Sonic first of all. That kind of just sounds and feel better than saying I work at McDonald's or taco bell, and gives me a sense of pride. As well as that I have a lot of really fucking cool and friendly coworkers. I've gotten the hang of things, and I'm making money. And I feel a lot less worthless than I use to. The problem is the stress and mental strain it puts on me. Some days are nice, it's not fantastic but I can certainly stand it. Then others are just so fucking hard on me I can't take it. The stress is just too much. Mostly, it's because I've been getting real shit hours recently, due probably to new the new manager (who replaced the guy who hired me :( ). I don't mean shit hours as in I'm getting none, but as in I'm working only 3 days a week for big chunks of time at once. This week, I worked one 7 hours shift, closed another day (which was so awful for me, part of what has prompted me to come here), and now I work, for the third time in a row, an 8 hour shift. On a Saturday. It's our busiest day of the week. I seriously can't take it. It's too fast paced, I'm almost literally constantly confused and forgetting things, and to make matters worse for the first four-five hours of this shift I'm stuck working with 2 Mexican ladies. One is nice enough and actually talks to a certain degree, but the other is kind of a bitch. Last Saturday I ended up pissing her off because of how stressed and confused I was, and because she try to tell me things in the most vague and curt way possible, so I never would understand what the fuck it was that she wanted, especially in the middle of all the other shit going on. I'm quite confident they both know pretty fluent English, fluent enough to get the message across way better than she actually does, because they used to talk to the guy who got fired a lot, and seem to speak English just fine. She also basically whispers almost always. When we finish an order, we're supposed to yell out "Tray!" so that someone knows to grab it. She says tray alright, but so quietly even I can hardly hear her when I'm standing next to her. Okay okay, I just realized I'm kind of just rambling and complaining. Here's the point I was getting to.
I feel like I want to quit. Only six weeks into my first job, three paychecks, and I really want to quit. I don't want to not have a job, but the stress is just too much for me. And even days I have off I can't help but dread the next day I work and try to spend my time as well as possible. The time I get off is literally only JUST enough time to recuperate from the last shift I worked (at least, usually). I've felt like shit for like 3 weeks straight. I know having a job isn't supposed to be easy and shit, but I don't feel like I should be so miserable... I just can't stand it. I feel actually scared to go in tomorrow, knowing how it's going to go down. It's driving me crazy. I almost feel like crying. I don't think I should feel this way, like I should be stronger than this and just fight through it, but truth is I'm really weak when it comes to this kind of thing. I don't handle stress well at all. I've had dreams about working, it keeps me up at night sometimes. My body hurts pretty much all over right now. Point is its way too hard on me, and it's kind of ruining my life. I'm not talk my social life or anything, it's literally just making me all around miserable.
So what do I do? Do I quit? I don't feel like I can keep doing this. I really don't. I don't even know how to quit. I was thinking about trying to talk to one of my managers about it, see what she thinks (maybe not suggest that I would quit, but just ask her for advice and if I could stop fucking working Saturdays, although she isn't the one who handles the schedules), but I mean until then I still have to go through tomorrow. 8 hours of immense stress, of feeling like an idiot, of constant confusion and discomfort. I feel like I'd be much more suited to a much calmer job. If I do quit, I want to apply at Barnes and Noble, or some place like that. Like I said I can take stress but this is just too much. Sorry if I'm rambling still I'm kind of tired. I really need to get some sleep for tomorrow. I don't feel like I completely got my feelings across but I think you get the point. Really hoping I can get some good advice here. Thanks.
[QUOTE=Genericenemy;44580733]Well she didn't buy it as such, just these folks from I believe part of the health service to help people like me. She is the one who arranged it all, not me. Its kinda my fault because they shown it to me in my living room and I just couldn't conjure up the balls to say "Look this just doesn't work for me and it certainly won't work upstairs" and I'm pretty sure that would of been the end of it. This whole thing is a disaster and I certainly can't shield at least part of the responsibility on me.[/QUOTE]
The same thing still applies. She put effort in to help and your probably comming off as ungrateful. If you really want to clear the air proper you need to talk to her explain your thankful for the effort but unfortunately it just doesnt work for you, and you want to not be arguing with her any more and be friends again.
The difference between a disscussion and an argument is almost all in the wording
[editline]19th April 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=riku2211;44586119]
I feel like I want to quit.[/QUOTE]
Im on my phone so I cant realy type you a huge responce at the moment but a) you should talk to your manager for advice
b) tell your manager about that lady, if she is inconveniencing you she is probably just as bad if not worse for others
c) see what happens after that
You need to look into the effects if you quit, around here at least if you quit it can be a lot harder to pick up another job. Your not working too many hours at the moment, so if you do decide to leave I would suggest finding a new job before you do. Youll need to give your work a two weeks notice before you leave (or at least that is what it is here) but with your sparce working days you will probably be fine to start training at a new place during that time, and you can always let them k ow your not available full hours until then
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;44575040]I haven't been to a wedding since I was very young, so maybe I would have had the same feelings toward any religious wedding. I don't have much to compare it to.
I actually felt a little bit jealous of the couple when I was at their wedding because of how big of a day it was for them. They had only been together for a few months and barely spent time together. They were getting an apartment together after marrying. Like you said, it also meant their relationship was being "recognized by God". In comparison, my boyfriend and I have already lived together for a year and a half, and since we don't have morals tied to a religion (like no premarital sex etc) there isn't much for us to look forward to after getting married, aside from the option of having kids eventually (which is still an option either way, but will probably happen after marriage simply because of choices in timing).
I've kind of concluded at this point that when I get married I want it to be at a point where I can afford to have a kind of fancy wedding, because the celebration of it seems like it will be a bigger deal than the impact it will have on our life. I can't see it meaning much more to us than a way of proving to others that we've committed.[/QUOTE]
I think premarital sex is totally ok and the way I see it, sin is just a refusal to lead a more spiritual fulfilling life. I don't think, as a Catholic, that's imperative, in respect to the matters of love to blindly follow moral codes because they are somehow against the moral views of the church. Promiscuity is against the morals of the Church but there's a reasonable explanation for that which is - it's better to experience love than just sex, not because "god gets angry at you" or because "you'll be refused entrance to a spiritual metaphisical realm". That's the first step to alienation.
However, pre-marital sex doesn't necessarily meet promiscuous sex, and most times it's not about it at all.
Although sex had been trivialized by this society, it is still one of the biggest love manifestations if not the biggest of all time. The more you love your partner the better the sex.
I'm saying this because you touched the "moral codes", and it sometimes saddens me that sometime people inside religions follow them without thinking about them, without questioning.
All in all I'm just saying that following a marriage under God that's just about following morals expecting to live a life devoid of love and intensity, while waiting for that passiveness towards emotions and feelings to fulfill them in the long run, is horrible.
Couples should have morals to some degree, of course. But those morals should fulfill them instead of oppressing them. Religious Morals in this case shouldn't be unidirectional towards God.
Like Roger Garaudy (French philosopher from the 70's) in his book [I]Parole D'Home[/I] (amazing book, I might add) - "To have faith in God, one must also have faith in Man".
That, as a Catholic, is the way I see it. Some people might call me liberal on this matter but It's the only "point of view", so to speak, that makes sense to me.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;44586467]The same thing still applies. She put effort in to help and your probably comming off as ungrateful. If you really want to clear the air proper you need to talk to her explain your thankful for the effort but unfortunately it just doesnt work for you, and you want to not be arguing with her any more and be friends again.
The difference between a disscussion and an argument is almost all in the wording
[/QUOTE]
Just explained it to her that I'm really grateful and all but it just isn't working, she then pulls out the card that I haven't bothered adjusting it to help me and has claimed that I never had. This is despite the fact (and she knows this too) that my door to my room is shut most of the time and so she wouldn't see me using it. This is the think now that I believe is going to keep this thing in deadlock for a while yet.
[QUOTE=Genericenemy;44587846]Just explained it to her that I'm really grateful and all but it just isn't working, she then pulls out the card that I haven't bothered adjusting it to help me and has claimed that I never had. This is despite the fact (and she knows this too) that my door to my room is shut most of the time and so she wouldn't see me using it. This is the think now that I believe is going to keep this thing in deadlock for a while yet.[/QUOTE]
Its not entirely important but [I]did[/I] you adjust it to help you and try it properly? because it is rather hard to argue with someone when they are right.
Got an invitation to dance with a girl I know next week and I'm unsure if it's going to be dancing or [I]dancing[/I]. Allow me to explain.
From my experience, dancing is like a fox trot, waltz, salsa etc, or basically anything my roommate considers to be "white people shit". [I]Dancing[/I] seems to occur mostly in clubs that me and my roommates sometimes go to and involves grinding one's crotch region into the ass region of another person. I guess most people would consider that to just be grinding, but there it's just called [I]dancing[/I].
[I]Dancing[/I] involves a competition of sorts, it's a shoving contest where the only point of contact is your genital region and your [I]dance[/I] partner/competitor's posterior, and the goal is push the other person across the dance floor. According to my roommate if you are pushed back by your partner then you lose, and they will lose interest in you and look for a stronger [I]dancer[/I].
I'm not very good at [I]dancing[/I] because I weigh about 160lbs and cannot hold my own against most behemoth behinds; being tall doesn't help either because ideally you want to have a lower center of gravity for the shoving. If any of you have a more dwarven build and don't particularly like dancing, then I highly recommend [I]dancing[/I].
With all that said, I'm probably going to have to ask her to specify the type of dancing so I'll know if I need to prepare by doing sets of squats this week.
[QUOTE=Squidman;44591336]Got an invitation to dance with a girl I know next week and I'm unsure if it's going to be dancing or [I]dancing[/I]. Allow me to explain.
From my experience, dancing is like a fox trot, waltz, salsa etc, or basically anything my roommate considers to be "white people shit". [I]Dancing[/I] seems to occur mostly in clubs that me and my roommates sometimes go to and involves grinding one's crotch region into the ass region of another person. I guess most people would consider that to just be grinding, but there it's just called [I]dancing[/I].
[I]Dancing[/I] involves a competition of sorts, it's a shoving contest where the only point of contact is your genital region and your [I]dance[/I] partner/competitor's posterior, and the goal is push the other person across the dance floor. According to my roommate if you are pushed back by your partner then you lose, and they will lose interest in you and look for a stronger [I]dancer[/I].
I'm not very good at [I]dancing[/I] because I weigh about 160lbs and cannot hold my own against most behemoth behinds; being tall doesn't help either because ideally you want to have a lower center of gravity for the shoving. If any of you have a more dwarven build and don't particularly like dancing, then I highly recommend [I]dancing[/I].
With all that said, I'm probably going to have to ask her to specify the type of dancing so I'll know if I need to prepare by doing sets of squats this week.[/QUOTE]
what
[QUOTE=Squidman;44591336]Got an invitation to dance with a girl I know next week and I'm unsure if it's going to be dancing or [I]dancing[/I]. Allow me to explain.
From my experience, dancing is like a fox trot, waltz, salsa etc, or basically anything my roommate considers to be "white people shit". [I]Dancing[/I] seems to occur mostly in clubs that me and my roommates sometimes go to and involves grinding one's crotch region into the ass region of another person. I guess most people would consider that to just be grinding, but there it's just called [I]dancing[/I].
[I]Dancing[/I] involves a competition of sorts, it's a shoving contest where the only point of contact is your genital region and your [I]dance[/I] partner/competitor's posterior, and the goal is push the other person across the dance floor. According to my roommate if you are pushed back by your partner then you lose, and they will lose interest in you and look for a stronger [I]dancer[/I].
I'm not very good at [I]dancing[/I] because I weigh about 160lbs and cannot hold my own against most behemoth behinds; being tall doesn't help either because ideally you want to have a lower center of gravity for the shoving. If any of you have a more dwarven build and don't particularly like dancing, then I highly recommend [I]dancing[/I].
With all that said, I'm probably going to have to ask her to specify the type of dancing so I'll know if I need to prepare by doing sets of squats this week.[/QUOTE]
Pffff, filthy casuals!
[QUOTE=Squidman;44591336]Got an invitation to dance with a girl I know next week and I'm unsure if it's going to be dancing or [I]dancing[/I]. Allow me to explain.
From my experience, dancing is like a fox trot, waltz, salsa etc, or basically anything my roommate considers to be "white people shit". [I]Dancing[/I] seems to occur mostly in clubs that me and my roommates sometimes go to and involves grinding one's crotch region into the ass region of another person. I guess most people would consider that to just be grinding, but there it's just called [I]dancing[/I].
[I]Dancing[/I] involves a competition of sorts, it's a shoving contest where the only point of contact is your genital region and your [I]dance[/I] partner/competitor's posterior, and the goal is push the other person across the dance floor. According to my roommate if you are pushed back by your partner then you lose, and they will lose interest in you and look for a stronger [I]dancer[/I].
I'm not very good at [I]dancing[/I] because I weigh about 160lbs and cannot hold my own against most behemoth behinds; being tall doesn't help either because ideally you want to have a lower center of gravity for the shoving. If any of you have a more dwarven build and don't particularly like dancing, then I highly recommend [I]dancing[/I].
With all that said, I'm probably going to have to ask her to specify the type of dancing so I'll know if I need to prepare by doing sets of squats this week.[/QUOTE]
pro tip maybe u should just go with the flow and have fun
if she wants to bump crotches with u then please PLEASE don't say 'umm i thought we were gonna waltz??'
and if she wants to formally dance with u then don't say 'thank GOD i didnt have to do that FILTHY GRINDING'
don't make that big a deal out of it
that poor girl
[QUOTE=Rhenae;44586467]
[editline]19th April 2014[/editline]
Im on my phone so I cant realy type you a huge responce at the moment but a) you should talk to your manager for advice
b) tell your manager about that lady, if she is inconveniencing you she is probably just as bad if not worse for others
c) see what happens after that
You need to look into the effects if you quit, around here at least if you quit it can be a lot harder to pick up another job. Your not working too many hours at the moment, so if you do decide to leave I would suggest finding a new job before you do. Youll need to give your work a two weeks notice before you leave (or at least that is what it is here) but with your sparce working days you will probably be fine to start training at a new place during that time, and you can always let them k ow your not available full hours until then[/QUOTE]
Alright, so today wasn't too bad, when I went in i was greeted not by mexican women, but by two of my other coworkers who i work well with. It wasn't as busy as saturday tends to be, but there were a few heavy rushes which i handled surprisingly well, but it exhausted me a whole lot. So after today i feel a bit more confident about my job, but that doesn't invalidate what i felt before. I talked to my manager a bit, it was busyish so i didn't get to ask her for advice really, i just asked her to talk to the manager who handles the schedules about mine. She basically told me to talk to her myself, but i think she may have a word with her about it. So, i'll just have to talk to her, which would be fine if she was even slighly approachable. She's kind of a bitch honestly. But i'll have to suck it up. Man, right now i feel p much fine with my job, but i know it'll go back to being awful before I even know it. Wish i could just be like this more often.
So I have a sort of dilemma guys, wondering if I could get some help.
So back in 10th grade, I developed a crush on this girl. She was everything I wanted in my eyes, and I'm a senior and that hasn't changed. Of course, I haven't spent the past 3 years oogling over one girl, I dated here and there, crushed on other girls, hung around them etc. and so on and so forth.
Earlier this week, I got rejected to prom by some other girl I'd liked. She basically told me she wanted to go on her senior year only, to make it memorable (she's a sophomore). That's the situation I'm in, but I just decided to leave her alone and I'm done in that area.
When she rejected me, it gave me a dead-set mission to find someone else to go to prom with. I frantically looked here and there, but couldn't really find anyone, but after a bit, I remembered the first girl. She hasn't shown to school much at all this year, because she has almost no classes and works a lot. So I decided to shoot her a message on Facebook, wanting to catch up and see how she's been. She dated the same guy for 4 years and had broke up with him in 2013, and found another guy but only went with him for like 3 months. She's recently single, so I figured what's the harm in asking her to prom? Lo and behold, holy shit, the most attractive girl in my grade said yes to going to prom with me. Keep in mind, she's a bombshell. Every guy in my group of friends has crushed on her at one point or another.
My dilemma? Well, I'm not the most confident guy. I am overweight, constantly on the computer, lazy and I feel worthless. How I ended up getting a date from one of my dream girls is beyond me. The point here is that since I do like her and am taking her to prom, I want to make it the best night she's had in a long time. Some ideas for a date and shit would go good if you guys can think up any, but that's besides the point. She told me she met some guy at her work and that she thinks he's pretty awesome. Does that mean she can't change her mind about who she likes? Am I able to woo her and convince her that I'm better for her, or that I really do like her?
I'm scared because I feel like I don't deserve this, and that she's just doing it out of pity and shit. I wish I could just be the guy who says "hell yeah I'll win her over" but I just keep doubting myself. The reason why is because I have one of the worst histories with girls. It always goes wrong when I try, so what can I do to stop this from going out of whack?
Thanks for reading the wall of text. I really do care for this girl and I want to make the BEST impression I can of myself so that I can pique her interests for a while. It's really just the first parts of it that are the scariest and the hardest, after that I'm completely fine.
-snip-
There's probably not much you can do short period to help yourself. How one builds its self confidence and all that takes time to build a good solid foundation. But that doesn't mean you should give up on it, because any improvement is an improvement no matter how hard it is.
Going through all the trouble of doing what she likes is a lot of work, and you end up ultimately chasing her. If you want to know what she likes and doesnt like just talk to her. Show her you're a confident person and you're in control and you'll be on the good way at least.
In control of what
[QUOTE=Rhenae;44587870]Its not entirely important but [I]did[/I] you adjust it to help you and try it properly? because it is rather hard to argue with someone when they are right.[/QUOTE]
I honest to god have used it properly, and it just makes no difference. Its just a glorified office chair without the wheels which also make it appalling for computer use.
This other girl who I'm friends with has gotten really strange around me. She's talking to me more often and keeps "joking" about going a date with me. I don't know if she is joking though.
Is that a yay or nay for you
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