Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[killerteacup]

[QUOTE=evilweazel;44696847]Words[/QUOTE]

It's okay for you to say that these things don't do it for you, but I don't think its okay to say these aren't things you'd want your SO to do. That's not fair on any future SO if you say like 'I don't want you to drink'. It's her right to do whatever she likes and it's not your right to judge her decisions as unhealthy or bad for her no matter what you grew up with - defs not your right to say that now she's doing this stuff she doesn't have any 'respect for herself'.

All that aside it seems like you're worried about her wellbeing which is nice, and a really nice thing but just be careful. Just because she's drinking doesn't mean she's an alcoholic and just because she's had some weed doesn't make her a weed addict and just because she pulled out a cigarette doesn't make her a chain smoker. If it doesn't do it for you that's fine but like she doesn't sound like a mess of a human being to me or like a person without any respect for themselves.

[Zar]

I have such a weird feeling. I just want to sleep all day honestly. I felt fine the other day but then I bumped into a cute girl who suddenly abruptly stopped contacting me, and I made efforts to keep it up. She played it out like there was nothing wrong. I'm just kinda lonely, but I'm getting used to it.

[RocketRacer]

what the fuck is going on.

I moved to new country and got in a school August 2013, and there is a girl that I like, and which at first(before January 2014) was answering back emotionally(kind of, she always was smiling when talking to me and similar stuff), then after I asked her out and she said she's busy, the Christmas half-term has passed and she made a complete U-turn and started to ignore me however she can.

Guess what, on wednesday she started to talk to me again and today we have talked for couple of minutes(1 on 1) during a lesson(art lessons are loud and everyone's talking about their own things) about the artworks and stuff and she basically returned to that state of being friendly and smiling all the time and while we were talking we both just kept smiling and laughing(periodcially).

A question: why the fuck in time range of 5-months a girl made a total emotional U-turn against me and then made it again and now is friendly like nothing has ever happened. [B]WHY[/B]

[I]Also I cannot help myself but answer her back and try to talk to her when I can.[/I]

[PuduEbooks]

Maybe you should ask her about it

[Zar]

I got the same deal. girl who I think genuinely liked me as a person suddenly doesn't speak to me and is always busy. except she's not busy.

[RocketRacer]

[QUOTE=Zar;44704110]I got the same deal. girl who I think genuinely liked me as a person suddenly doesn't speak to me and is always busy. except she's not busy.[/QUOTE]

Yeah similar, except in my case she has done a U-turn and I have not a single clue what to do. I will keep answering her and talking to her because yes.

[editline]2nd May 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;44703978]Maybe you should ask her about it[/QUOTE]
I'm afraid that will cause a similar reaction that previous contact has caused and by that I mean she wil start ignoring again. Which is opposite of what I want to, I don't want to ruin the current situation.

[evilweazel]

[QUOTE=killerteacup;44703779]It's okay for you to say that these things don't do it for you, but I don't think its okay to say these aren't things you'd want your SO to do. That's not fair on any future SO if you say like 'I don't want you to drink'. It's her right to do whatever she likes and it's not your right to judge her decisions as unhealthy or bad for her no matter what you grew up with - defs not your right to say that now she's doing this stuff she doesn't have any 'respect for herself'.

All that aside it seems like you're worried about her wellbeing which is nice, and a really nice thing but just be careful. Just because she's drinking doesn't mean she's an alcoholic and just because she's had some weed doesn't make her a weed addict and just because she pulled out a cigarette doesn't make her a chain smoker. If it doesn't do it for you that's fine but like she doesn't sound like a mess of a human being to me or like a person without any respect for themselves.[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I was laying around this morning rolling it around in my head and I sort of thought I was being a bit ridiculous. I dunno, probably was just me getting thrown off considering she changed a ton and I probably just picked those bits out to try and ~~reason with myself~~ as to why that was some horrible thing. I'll probably never been like, 100% comfortable with it 'cause of some personal stuff, but it's not something that is really even worth bringing up unless it becomes an actual concern health wise and etc, now that I think about it. Dunno, jumping to the worst possible scenario in my head has always been a problem I had, guess this is no exception :v:

[PuduEbooks]

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;44704361]Yeah similar, except in my case she has done a U-turn and I have not a single clue what to do. I will keep answering her and talking to her because yes.

[editline]2nd May 2014[/editline]

I'm afraid that will cause a similar reaction that previous contact has caused and by that I mean she wil start ignoring again. Which is opposite of what I want to, I don't want to ruin the current situation.[/QUOTE]

Unless you are able to read her mind you'll never know, and won't be able to try something if it happens again.
It's up to you, though.

[Behemoth_PT]

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;44703930].

[B]A question: why the fuck in time range of 5-months a girl made a total emotional U-turn against me and then made it again and now is friendly like nothing has ever happened. [B]WHY[/B][/B]

[I]Also I cannot help myself but answer her back and try to talk to her when I can.[/I][/QUOTE]

Don't be too assuming. Shit happens in people's lives and although she may be the world to you right now because you've got a crush on her, doesn't mean she's gonna stop her world just so she can give you her undivided attention.

I mean, you just don't know. Maybe she's busy. Maybe something happened, who knows? Don't think she's not talking to you because she's "avoiding you". Give yourself some value.

Now that she's back giving you attention don't jump right into a date. Take your time to know her, be friends, and after that why not ask her out, tease a bit, flirt?

It takes time, but it's much more rewarding for both of you. Also you get to know her better.

[editline]2nd May 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Cosa8888;44705307]Unless you are able to read her mind you'll never know, and won't be able to try something if it happens again.
It's up to you, though.[/QUOTE]

What the fuck man, don't ask her about why she's not talking back. She had her reasons, respect that. Leave it behind.

All that matters now is that she's back. So go get to know her better now, build some friendship and then ask her out.

[PuduEbooks]

That's why i said it was up to him, there may be other reasons I'm not aware of. Just sayin' that comunication is important in all kinds of relationships, if something brothers someobe it should be talked about and solver or it may backfire on the future.

[Zar]

I suck at expressing myself

[Behemoth_PT]

But that's not even a relationship. It would be awkward. As far as he let us know, they are not even friends, per se.

[editline]2nd May 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=Zar;44705821]I suck at expressing myself[/QUOTE]

You just have to see where you're at with the other person. If you have a friendship, how confident are both of you, those kinds of things. The rest is basically intuitive. Seriously, experiment. Observe, see how the other person reacts to you and adapt.

[PuduEbooks]

Yeah, you are right on that, but I suggest him to take my advice for the future.
Good luck with that girl.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Behemoth_PT;44705829]But that's not even a relationship. It would be awkward. As far as he let us know, they are not even friends, per se.

[editline]2nd May 2014[/editline]

You just have to see where you're at with the other person. If you have a friendship, how confident are both of you, those kinds of things. The rest is basically intuitive. Seriously, experiment. Observe, see how the other person reacts to you and adapt.[/QUOTE]

I don't think it would be too awkward to ask "Hey what you been up to, haven't talked in a bit?" Thats casual enough and leaves it open for them to explain if they want to.

[Behemoth_PT]

Well, if you put it that way then I guess it's ok.

I usually ask those things when I feel I have more confidence with the other people to do it. I usually focus on moving forward.

[RocketRacer]

We're not friends, yes. I'm not really a friend to anyone yet(as far as I am aware, but I got some people I keep talkig to in school). And actually trying to become friends is a bit of a problem for me because we have only got one subject we are doing the same - art she got three other subjects and I got three other so basically we can't really meet in-school unless we are on art, so as I am seeing that the only way to actually at least get to know each other more is either on art lessons(nope) or after school.

Also I'm a foreigner so that's why i don't have friends. Alien basically. So as I see it, it's only after school we can actually get to know each other more.

[editline]2nd May 2014[/editline]

Not friends but we have talked s bit to each other and before2014 I went on lunch with er and her friend c ouple of times.

[BigJoeyLemons]

Today was my prom date's birthday, so I got her something.

For the past year or so we've both been big fans of [url=http://2dineforhouston.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Berries1.jpg]these chocolate covered berries[/url] and whenever one of us has them we always share during rehearsals. The other day I bought a couple bags and after school today I went up to her locker and gave a bag to her while she was talking to her friend. She flipped the fuck out. For some reason she [I]really[/I] likes these things. She was so damn happy, and I felt so proud of myself. She offered me some baked thing she had made (presumably to celebrate her birthday) but it had walnuts, and I'm not the most not-allergic-to-nuts guy in town. She thanked me a whole lot for the berries, and I felt so good for giving her something I knew she'd like while managing to be just the right amount of cheesy.

Seriously though, those berries are delicious.

[Emugod]

So, has anyone ever had to deal with having to choose 3 girls to date/be in a relationship with?
I'm like stuck between three amazing, but completely different girls.
Let me begin by saying I met all these girls on dating sites.

~One girl, A, was the first I began talking to. We've been talking for about 2-3 months. She's really, really sweet and really supportive. She shows that she cares a lot about people and like to help me whenever I'm going through hard times, which I am occasionally because of my depression. However, she lives a good ways away from me. About 50+ miles. I've been talking to her for a while, but nothing much has come of it because we haven't been able to really hang out. She has work, school, family, friends; I don't have a car or much time, either. Have to borrow dad's car on weekends. We were meant to meet last Friday, but she was invited to the beach with some of her friends, so she went there instead. Haven't talked to her for a while, though, because I think she's been busy with school and finals. I'll give her a text tomorrow to see how she's doing, though.

~Another girl, M, I began talking to about 2 months ago. I felt like we didn't really hit it off at first very well. Our conversations weren't that great and they felt a bit one sided. But, we got to talking a bit after a brief break, and we hit it off fairly well. We flirted a lot and talked all the time. She's a bit closer than A, but she doesn't have a car, either. We actually decided to go on a date last Friday. We went to a hookah bar, my first time, her 5/6th time, and it wasn't too bad besides the nauseousness afterwards. We'd been talking about spending the night together for whatever reason. We were just that into each other I guess. So, I took her back to my dorm at college. Things got... heavy. There was a kissing... and sex, with some cuddling after.

Things were going pretty well with her, but recently, 2 days ago, I hit a really bad depression episode. I went from really happy to really depressed in a matter of an hour/2 hours. This was after a lot of shit went down which included me having to go to the hospital and "stabilization unit". That was all about 3 weeks ago. Things had been going well with my depression up until then. So, I was really worried about me relapsing into my depression, so I told her that we should take a break. My exact wording being "I think that it might be best if we don't see each other anymore. At least until we have our problems resolved." She had been going through a thing with an ex recently (a few days ago) in which he sent pictures of her nude to a lot of her friends and put it up on facebook. So, she had some things to deal with as well. I've posted here before and it's mostly been about me ranting about shit while in my depression, and a lot of people told me to be happy with myself before I can be happy with someone else, so that was my thought process in telling her we should take a break. She didn't take it too well, justifiably so, because she's had problem with guys telling her similar things when they break up with her. So, we've both got a bit of baggage, and I feel like this relationship really will not work out. But, she's the only girl that's given so much interest in me, and I watch a little too many romantic movies, so I want to be in a relationship really badly. I also told her I loved her yesterday because of the shit with me wanting a break, which I fucking regret now. Now I feel embarrassed talking to her and I feel like it won't be the same as it was before all this happened. This relationship had turned from two people just being lovey-dovey and flirting all the time to this.

~The last girl, L, I met a few days ago. She's a pretty amazing person. She loves playing games, she's beautiful, and she's interested in me. The problem is that she lives nearly 3 hours away from me... We started talking more today, and she had told me that she was my favorite person from all the other guys that she's met on the dating site. So, I think I have some sort of in with her. I haven't known her very long at all, though. I'll keep talking to her to see how it works out.

I haven't really known any of these girls for very long at all. But, I feel like I'm going to need to make a choice some time in the future. I just don't know what the best choice would be. The second girl, M, I feel like I'm going to have a lot of problems with because we've only gone out once and only known each other for about a month, and all these problems are already coming out. I am interested in her, but god damn I feel like the problems are gonna start stacking and it's just going to make things hell for us. I still have a shit load of things to deal with for myself. I'm coming out of my medication and I'm feeling the withdrawal already, and I've just got to think of a lot of shit and deal with a lot of things. I feel like I'm not really ready for a relationship, but I really want one. I'm not sure if I wanted any suggestions or if I just wanted to vent when I wrote this, but if anyone has any suggestions, it would be appreciated.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44709852]So, I was really worried about me relapsing into my depression, so I told her that we should take a break. My exact wording being "I think that it might be best if we don't see each other anymore. At least until we have our problems resolved." She had been going through a thing with an ex recently (a few days ago) in which he sent pictures of her nude to a lot of her friends and put it up on facebook. So, she had some things to deal with as well. I've posted here before and it's mostly been about me ranting about shit while in my depression, and a lot of people told me to be happy with myself before I can be happy with someone else, so that was my thought process in telling her we should take a break. [/QUOTE]

So where did this thought go if your bouncing back to trying to get with one of the three again? Hmm?
First girl doesn't sound that interested, second girl sounds most viable (and that is the way you are phrasing it which sounds like you want to get with her most anyway), third girl you hardly know yet.

You haven't really explained what problems your having with the second girl, or i'm not reading it right but what matters in a relationship isn't necessarily the number of problems but more how you deal with them. Talking and working them out or bottling issues and/or going off in a tizzy.

To be honest though the main thing I want to suggest is to look at this from that second girls perspective by the way. I can't help but notice that you are doing the things we hear girls doing to the guys on this forum and say "drop it" because they have issues and are causing them emotional pain.
You've got with her, fucked her, then dropped her, then said you love her, and are now considering who you should date, if I have that order correct.
Which although I'm not saying you should get with her is pretty bloody unfair to her too. Try to consider that before you do things on impulse, they do effect other people and just because you feel in one moment like you arn't happy with a relationship doesn't actually mean it is bad or you need to end it immediately. Talk and work out what problems there are as necessary, sometimes stuff is just a mood even.

And again I don't mean you owe her anything or intend a guilt trip or something here just to make you aware of that and to consider it in future relationships. A relationship is about 2 people not one, and therefor communication to make it what both of you want is the most important.

[Emugod]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;44709931]So where did this thought go if your bouncing back to trying to get with one of the three again? Hmm?
First girl doesn't sound that interested, second girl sounds most viable (and that is the way you are phrasing it which sounds like you want to get with her most anyway), third girl you hardly know yet.

You haven't really explained what problems your having with the second girl, or i'm not reading it right but what matters in a relationship isn't necessarily the number of problems but more how you deal with them. Talking and working them out or bottling issues and/or going off in a tizzy.

To be honest though the main thing I want to suggest is to look at this from that second girls perspective by the way. I can't help but notice that you are doing the things we hear girls doing to the guys on this forum and say "drop it" because they have issues and are causing them emotional pain.
You've got with her, fucked her, then dropped her, then said you love her, and are now considering who you should date, if I have that order correct.
Which although I'm not saying you should get with her is pretty bloody unfair to her too. Try to consider that before you do things on impulse, they do effect other people and just because you feel in one moment like you arn't happy with a relationship doesn't actually mean it is bad or you need to end it immediately. Talk and work out what problems there are as necessary, sometimes stuff is just a mood even.

And again I don't mean you owe her anything or intend a guild trip or something here just to make you aware of that and to consider it in future relationships. A relationship is about 2 people not one, and therefor communication to make it what both of you want is the most important.[/QUOTE]

The thought just started bouncing around when my depression kicked in again, but's it's gone away a bit because I've been feeling a bit better. It's still in the back of my mind and I think about it every once in a while, but I don't think it's my primary solution. Right now, I'm not really thinking about being with any of them, I just know sooner or later I would have to choose.

The first girl is interested in me. We had set up a date on that Friday that she left. She had texted me first with, "please don't get mad at me". She was really truthfully sorry about missing our date. This is actually the first time someone has told me that the girl isn't interested in me. The first time was about the second girl, and look where that turned out. So, sorry if I don't take your comments seriously about that anymore.

I'm not really entirely sure what all the problems are with the second girl. One of them is that there's a lot of baggage that we both have to deal with. My depression, her problems with other guys. And, it hasn't helped at all that I told her that we need a break, because now she assumes every little thing I say about my depression means that I'm saying "Good Bye". Honestly, I've heard that maybe 5 times the past 2 days. Over really meaningless shit like me saying "I just need some time to think about some things." That was preceded by "For a few days I might be out of it and say things that I don't mean." So, take that as you will. I just feel like this is too much for 2 people dating. I don't really see this as a relationship yet. I've just been having a lot of concerns about our relationship over the past few days. Probably not very reasonable concerns, either.

You got the order fairly right. The love thing, on the other hand, is pissing me off. I really hate that I said it. I said it when I was trying to get her to forgive me for saying that we needed a break. I don't even know if I truly meant. She even told me that it was weird and wrong to say. I've known this girl for a month or 2. I hardly know her. I'm moving way to fucking fast. I guess I just want so many things right now that just aren't possible. I'm a fucking mess. I feel sometimes that I just enjoy the idea of being with her more than being with her. I don't know if this is the depression talking or if it's actually me. I just haven't really felt right about our relationship since the episode I had. I feel like everything has changed now.

God damnit, I thought I was finally getting rid of my depression, and here I am again, ranting about my fucking problems as usual. I've just got way too much shit going on and so many things I just have to figure out. I feel like it's going to put a burden on the relationship/whatever we have with the second girl. Why is life so god damn complicated? Why can't it just be simply? Fuck.

[NO ONE]

So I really should have come to this thread months ago and posted, but here I am, in the aftermath of things, needing support and having to overcome some of the strongest emotions I've felt in fucking years.

Long story short, I was dumped a little over a month ago, but this girl and I stayed friends after I had a cool down period. But, now I even lost her friendship...all because I let her know I was still attracted to her. Didn't go all out and go "I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!" or anything super desperate, just let her know there was still a desire for more than friendship. The friendship was still very good though.

I could see it all coming, I knew I was breaking down and yet I still went through the motions and expressed myself.

It kinda sucks it was all through texts, but oh well, we were pretty descriptive.

I'll try and paraphrase;

We were actually talking most of the day and having fairly solid conversations. The nails started going in to the coffin though when she sent me a meme pic of 3 glasses with liquid, commentating on how pessimists, optimists (me), and realists (her) are.

Then the first blow of the hammer was struck when I said that I wasn't quite optimistic about everything in my life.

Few texts later I tell her she is a dilemma to me.

She asks why.

I buy some time, telling her I was busy with work (which I was) and I would explain later. After work I decided it wasn't really worth explaining so I just went fuck it and planned on not saying anything, hoping I could brush it off with her.

I visit the Museum Of Fine Arts in Boston with my mom and brother. Towards the very end of the visit she sends me a frustrated sounding text telling me that if she is such a dilemma to me I should stop talking to her. Then I let it all out, thinking maybe it would be worth saying it all...

The conversation just goes on with her reinforcing to not talk with her so I could get over her and so on.

Here I am on day 3 of no contact....the pain mostly comes from losing a friend that understood me, to an extent. I could be very open with her, being totally myself. I mean there are plenty of things I miss, but ultimately I got to the point of accepting that friendship is all I need from her. She is a very artistic girl, among other things, and being with her really re-opened my creative side, inspiring me to create things again, and ultimately go back to school this September (for Graphic design).

The friendship was fine at first, as in my head it was a better way of getting to know her and hopefully win her over again. But, and I let her know this, as time went on, my interest grew and grew, once again. I think what made me come out with all this to her was that I saw she was in a relationship on FB, and so some jealousy kicked in, making me overthink shit even more than I was before, and making me feel hopeless and insignificant.

There's so much more to this story, but I feel it's probably irrelevant at this point.

Right now I'm at least to a point of being able to take interest in other girls. Small amounts of interests, but still, I at least don't see this one girl as THE ONLY ONE. Although I keep thinking that even if I start something with someone else right now, she'll still be in the back of my head. I think she had the same issue when we were together, as I started dating her like a month after she got dumped from her previous bf.

Anyway, I just hate to have this shit not workout over what I consider something of a small deal. Yes, it is terrible to keep being friends with someone you really like, but I figured the feelings would die down and I would move on either way.

It really hurts because she was a person I saw and talked to very often and I really only have 2-3 other close friends. Friends that I don't see or talk to nearly as frequently. I have this insane sense of loneliness.

[ramirez!]

[QUOTE=BigJoeyLemons;44709386]Today was my prom date's birthday, so I got her something.

For the past year or so we've both been big fans of [url=http://2dineforhouston.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Berries1.jpg]these chocolate covered berries[/url] and whenever one of us has them we always share during rehearsals. The other day I bought a couple bags and after school today I went up to her locker and gave a bag to her while she was talking to her friend. She flipped the fuck out. For some reason she [I]really[/I] likes these things. She was so damn happy, and I felt so proud of myself. She offered me some baked thing she had made (presumably to celebrate her birthday) but it had walnuts, and I'm not the most not-allergic-to-nuts guy in town. She thanked me a whole lot for the berries, and I felt so good for giving her something I knew she'd like while managing to be just the right amount of cheesy.

Seriously though, those berries are delicious.[/QUOTE]

They're not really berries, but if you put them in the freezer they get so much better.

[Behemoth_PT]

[QUOTE=Emugod;44709852]So, has anyone ever had to deal with having to choose 3 girls to date/be in a relationship with?
I'm like stuck between three amazing, but completely different girls.
Let me begin by saying I met all these girls on dating sites.

~One girl, A, was the first I began talking to. We've been talking for about 2-3 months. She's really, really sweet and really supportive. She shows that she cares a lot about people and like to help me whenever I'm going through hard times, which I am occasionally because of my depression. However, she lives a good ways away from me. About 50+ miles. I've been talking to her for a while, but nothing much has come of it because we haven't been able to really hang out. She has work, school, family, friends; I don't have a car or much time, either. Have to borrow dad's car on weekends. We were meant to meet last Friday, but she was invited to the beach with some of her friends, so she went there instead. Haven't talked to her for a while, though, because I think she's been busy with school and finals. I'll give her a text tomorrow to see how she's doing, though.

~Another girl, M, I began talking to about 2 months ago. I felt like we didn't really hit it off at first very well. Our conversations weren't that great and they felt a bit one sided. But, we got to talking a bit after a brief break, and we hit it off fairly well. We flirted a lot and talked all the time. She's a bit closer than A, but she doesn't have a car, either. We actually decided to go on a date last Friday. We went to a hookah bar, my first time, her 5/6th time, and it wasn't too bad besides the nauseousness afterwards. We'd been talking about spending the night together for whatever reason. We were just that into each other I guess. So, I took her back to my dorm at college. Things got... heavy. There was a kissing... and sex, with some cuddling after.

Things were going pretty well with her, but recently, 2 days ago, I hit a really bad depression episode. I went from really happy to really depressed in a matter of an hour/2 hours. This was after a lot of shit went down which included me having to go to the hospital and "stabilization unit". That was all about 3 weeks ago. Things had been going well with my depression up until then. So, I was really worried about me relapsing into my depression, so I told her that we should take a break. My exact wording being "I think that it might be best if we don't see each other anymore. At least until we have our problems resolved." She had been going through a thing with an ex recently (a few days ago) in which he sent pictures of her nude to a lot of her friends and put it up on facebook. So, she had some things to deal with as well. I've posted here before and it's mostly been about me ranting about shit while in my depression, and a lot of people told me to be happy with myself before I can be happy with someone else, so that was my thought process in telling her we should take a break. She didn't take it too well, justifiably so, because she's had problem with guys telling her similar things when they break up with her. So, we've both got a bit of baggage, and I feel like this relationship really will not work out. But, she's the only girl that's given so much interest in me, and I watch a little too many romantic movies, so I want to be in a relationship really badly. I also told her I loved her yesterday because of the shit with me wanting a break, which I fucking regret now. Now I feel embarrassed talking to her and I feel like it won't be the same as it was before all this happened. This relationship had turned from two people just being lovey-dovey and flirting all the time to this.

~The last girl, L, I met a few days ago. She's a pretty amazing person. She loves playing games, she's beautiful, and she's interested in me. The problem is that she lives nearly 3 hours away from me... We started talking more today, and she had told me that she was my favorite person from all the other guys that she's met on the dating site. So, I think I have some sort of in with her. I haven't known her very long at all, though. I'll keep talking to her to see how it works out.

I haven't really known any of these girls for very long at all. But, I feel like I'm going to need to make a choice some time in the future. I just don't know what the best choice would be. The second girl, M, I feel like I'm going to have a lot of problems with because we've only gone out once and only known each other for about a month, and all these problems are already coming out. I am interested in her, but god damn I feel like the problems are gonna start stacking and it's just going to make things hell for us. I still have a shit load of things to deal with for myself. I'm coming out of my medication and I'm feeling the withdrawal already, and I've just got to think of a lot of shit and deal with a lot of things. I feel like I'm not really ready for a relationship, but I really want one. I'm not sure if I wanted any suggestions or if I just wanted to vent when I wrote this, but if anyone has any suggestions, it would be appreciated.[/QUOTE]

I'm in that exact situation to be honest, except I don't want anything serious at the moment due to the fact that the things with the girl I'm in love with didn't work out due to unfortunate circumstances.

So yeah, I am eyeing 3 girls at the moment too. They are not the prettiest nor the smartest and one of them is long gone for an opportunity. (she lives like 300Km away and we actually made out but I chickened out at the fest because. yeah feelings for other girl and all - kinda regret it now).

However, I got 2 options. 1 lives in a town near here, and I'm going to grab some beers with her, go for a walk and who knows. The other one lives a bit farther away, is all over me and doesn't cease to invite me to parties she throws at her place.

Damn. In my case, I'm gonna go with the flow. I'm not going to have anything serious with any of them, that's for sure but I'll be honest about it.

In your case, I think you shouldn't feel embarrassed to go on multiple dates. It seems like you don't know much about them anyway, so go date them and go out with them. If you'll have to make a choice, go with the one that will fulfill you the most in the future. If you don't feel anything serious about any of them, just go for it anyway.

[Taepodong-2]

Well even though me and this girl aren't even in a relationship, I can already tell a long distance relationship probably wouldn't work out for me. It's been three days since the school year ended, but I haven't seen her for like two weeks because she was really busy with finals so I didn't get much of a chance to say good bye to her before the school year ended. So I already really miss her. I ended up texting her when I got home on wednesday, it took her a while to respond but that's because she was on her way home too and then she was responding pretty quickly. But I was starting to get tired by then so I told her I was going to go to sleep soon, although that turned into playing RO2 for three hours.

Anyway, I haven't texted her since then. I mean I know I shouldn't text her every day because that can just make me seem annoying. But the problem is it's a lot easier for me to talk to her in person, something I'm not going to get to do until September. We're both the kind of people that don't really like texting either. I could call her, but I have a feeling that would end up pretty awkward.

Basically, what I'm asking is how I can keep up communication with this girl over the summer without one of us getting bored. I really feel like that's what's going to end up happening. I ended up in a similar situation to this before, but that was like four years ago so I don't remember how I managed to keep it interesting and even if I did remember, how you talk to a 16 year old stoner girl probably isn't the same as how you talk to an intelligent and mature 21 year old girl.

[edmyoshi]

[QUOTE=Taepodong-2;44717449]Well even though me and this girl aren't even in a relationship, I can already tell a long distance relationship probably wouldn't work out for me. It's been three days since the school year ended, but I haven't seen her for like two weeks because she was really busy with finals so I didn't get much of a chance to say good bye to her before the school year ended. So I already really miss her. I ended up texting her when I got home on wednesday, it took her a while to respond but that's because she was on her way home too and then she was responding pretty quickly. But I was starting to get tired by then so I told her I was going to go to sleep soon, although that turned into playing RO2 for three hours.

Anyway, I haven't texted her since then. I mean I know I shouldn't text her every day because that can just make me seem annoying. But the problem is it's a lot easier for me to talk to her in person, something I'm not going to get to do until September. We're both the kind of people that don't really like texting either. I could call her, but I have a feeling that would end up pretty awkward.

Basically, what I'm asking is how I can keep up communication with this girl over the summer without one of us getting bored. I really feel like that's what's going to end up happening. I ended up in a similar situation to this before, but that was like four years ago so I don't remember how I managed to keep it interesting and even if I did remember, how you talk to a 16 year old stoner girl probably isn't the same as how you talk to an intelligent and mature 21 year old girl.[/QUOTE]

If it doesn't work out then it's not meant to be or maybe a later time in the future things will work when you least expect it.

Just call her and talk whenever you feel the courage to. You might think that it would be awkward but it doesn't hurt to try. I mean you two could end up just talking about how you feel and whatever revolves around you and her. Nothing wrong with that at all. No communication whatsoever will equal nothing happening at all.

[chinatown]

its not that necessary for you to talk to her really. You can't really do anything anyway. Just wait for when you get together again, dont risk getting friendzoned

[PuduEbooks]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;44718871]its not that necessary for you to talk to her really. You can't really do anything anyway. Just wait for when you get together again, dont risk getting friendzoned[/QUOTE]

The "friendzone" doesn't normally happen unless something isn't really clicking, not because she got to know you a little better.

[NO ONE]

[QUOTE=Handsome Matt;44717123]-snip drunkness-

Went out last night with a few friends, one girl was really into me, she's a friend, I don't and didn't want anything to happen but she went in and made out with me anyway.. I really really hope she doesn't get ideas that we're a thing now.[/QUOTE]

You have a few options on how to go about attacking that, but the main thing is you should probably make it be known you don't see it that way with her. Whether you casually laugh it off or are stern and serious about it is at your discretion, but definitely if there are signs that she is looking for me you'll have to address it.

[QUOTE=NO ONE;44713636]So I really should have come to this thread months ago and posted, but here I am, in the aftermath of things, needing support and having to overcome some of the strongest emotions I've felt in fucking years.

Long story short, I was dumped a little over a month ago, but this girl and I stayed friends after I had a cool down period. But, now I even lost her friendship...all because I let her know I was still attracted to her. Didn't go all out and go "I STILL LOVE YOU!!!!" or anything super desperate, just let her know there was still a desire for more than friendship. The friendship was still very good though.

I could see it all coming, I knew I was breaking down and yet I still went through the motions and expressed myself.

It kinda sucks it was all through texts, but oh well, we were pretty descriptive.

I'll try and paraphrase;

We were actually talking most of the day and having fairly solid conversations. The nails started going in to the coffin though when she sent me a meme pic of 3 glasses with liquid, commentating on how pessimists, optimists (me), and realists (her) are.

Then the first blow of the hammer was struck when I said that I wasn't quite optimistic about everything in my life.

Few texts later I tell her she is a dilemma to me.

She asks why.

I buy some time, telling her I was busy with work (which I was) and I would explain later. After work I decided it wasn't really worth explaining so I just went fuck it and planned on not saying anything, hoping I could brush it off with her.

I visit the Museum Of Fine Arts in Boston with my mom and brother. Towards the very end of the visit she sends me a frustrated sounding text telling me that if she is such a dilemma to me I should stop talking to her. Then I let it all out, thinking maybe it would be worth saying it all...

The conversation just goes on with her reinforcing to not talk with her so I could get over her and so on.

Here I am on day 3 of no contact....the pain mostly comes from losing a friend that understood me, to an extent. I could be very open with her, being totally myself. I mean there are plenty of things I miss, but ultimately I got to the point of accepting that friendship is all I need from her. She is a very artistic girl, among other things, and being with her really re-opened my creative side, inspiring me to create things again, and ultimately go back to school this September (for Graphic design).

The friendship was fine at first, as in my head it was a better way of getting to know her and hopefully win her over again. But, and I let her know this, as time went on, my interest grew and grew, once again. I think what made me come out with all this to her was that I saw she was in a relationship on FB, and so some jealousy kicked in, making me overthink shit even more than I was before, and making me feel hopeless and insignificant.

There's so much more to this story, but I feel it's probably irrelevant at this point.

Right now I'm at least to a point of being able to take interest in other girls. Small amounts of interests, but still, I at least don't see this one girl as THE ONLY ONE. Although I keep thinking that even if I start something with someone else right now, she'll still be in the back of my head. I think she had the same issue when we were together, as I started dating her like a month after she got dumped from her previous bf.

Anyway, I just hate to have this shit not workout over what I consider something of a small deal. Yes, it is terrible to keep being friends with someone you really like, but I figured the feelings would die down and I would move on either way.

It really hurts because she was a person I saw and talked to very often and I really only have 2-3 other close friends. Friends that I don't see or talk to nearly as frequently. I have this insane sense of loneliness.[/QUOTE]

Is there any input you guys can give me?

I'm making progress each day. But I still kinda feel lost.

[g-foxisus]

i think most people will be scarred after having such an intimate relationship. if anything, time doesnt fix things or heal, it helps you cope as time goes on, until you just forget about her.

i would personally withhold attempting another relationship so close to this one. it might help reduce the pain but it will not take it away completely, and you might even end up continuously comparing your next gf to your ex-gf, which isn't beneficial to either party.

important to note here is the time aspect. if anything, you need distractions that aren't drugs. pick up new hobbies, exercises, and talk to (caring) friends about it. getting your mind off things and venting your woes helps a lot (try to do this irl, not online. this amounts to very little "actual" venting).

anything that distracts and extends the time will make you "get over her". maybe in time you can hook up together as friends, should you remain in close proximity with each other (i would personally not do this, as this opens old wounds).

lastly, its just a matter of carrying on with your life. its a cumbersome and slow process, but you cant dwell on the things in the past.

[editline]1[/editline]

i cant emphasize exercise enough. not only does it get your mind off things in general (due to fatigue and being busy) it also helps boost your natural hormones and brain receptors, aside from the fact that its a healthy thing to do. sitting idly and dwelling on the past makes you gain weight, yo.

[Taepodong-2]

[QUOTE=D3TBS;44718871]its not that necessary for you to talk to her really. You can't really do anything anyway. Just wait for when you get together again, dont risk getting friendzoned[/QUOTE]
I'm not going to see her for 4 months. If I don't talk to her at all she'll assume I lost interest.