Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
does anyone else just go through this thread when they're feeling down about nothing in particular and read stuff to cheer up
[QUOTE=Mobon1;40531444]does anyone else just go through this thread when they're feeling down about nothing in particular and read stuff to cheer up[/QUOTE]
nah its actually pretty depressing, helps keep me grounded
[editline]5th May 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Deathco;40531085]I'm friends with this girl, and I don't want a relationship with her. How do I approach just being friends? It feels awkward to treat her just like all my buddies.[/QUOTE]
Treat her like all of your buddies. Super simple stuff. If she comes out to say she likes you, just tell her you don't feel that way about her.
[editline]5th May 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Zukriuchen;40530819]I have a little more than a month left here in the US before I go back to my country, should I just not bother with girls here anymore (obviously not gonna look for a serious relationship) or should I still take possible opportunities?[/QUOTE]
I would bother with girls. They'll know your intentions (because you are going back to your country) and that can make you look more appealing in a certain light.
[QUOTE=OogalaBoogal;40531499][PHP][/PHP]
nah its actually pretty depressing, helps keep me grounded[/QUOTE]
maybe it's more of a feeling of empathy, in the "i'm not the only one who's not partying hard all day erryday so i guess shits ok" kind of way
why do i even come here
haha
you should feel really bad
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;40533069]my girlfriend sucks my dick everyday and doesn't want anything in return..not sure how to feel about this[/QUOTE]
What? How? I mean, not how does she not want stuff in return, how does this work?
Like, I'm not comprehending it.
Do you not actively do stuff for her? Does she have to ask? Do you start to and she waves you away saying "nah, I'll just do you"? That last one would be really concerning to me.
I realize that other people don't all like going down on their girlfriend, or maybe the girl is icky down there (according to other people- I never had this problem really. Maybe she was more hygenic?).
I also know that I really enjoyed it though. Like, that's part of sex. If you never do that, then something's wrong. Especially since it's MUCH easier to get your lady-partner off with your mouth or your fingers, what with them being more dextrous than a meat stick. And getting her off is like, the main deal. What? I know that I would be like "I know it's not a barter system bb, I like it" or something, and I guess I naively imagined that everyone else would say something similar, which would mean that she denies your face access. What?
Enlighten me- how do you [i]not[/i] go down on your girl when you're having sex and have time enough for it? I'd probably start feeling guilty about the blowjobs to be honest, and it would take a bunch of the fun out of it.
[editline]5th May 2013[/editline]
Why did I get so worked up about that...
I'm in need of assistance.
I've been friendless for 2 solid years already and I've developed weird habits.
Whenever I look at someone, my eyes immediately start to water (not crying) and I have to close them.
Whenever someone is near me (male/female/someone I know/don't know), my heart starts pounding furiously and my breathing becomes a bit rapid.
I honestly want to converse/socialize with others, but those habits keep getting in the way and my social deprivation has caused my social skills to plunge. I need help.
[QUOTE=bucketofshrimp;40533271]I'm in need of assistance.
I've been friendless for 2 solid years already and I've developed weird habits.
Whenever I look at someone, my eyes immediately start to water (not crying) and I have to close them.
Whenever someone is near me (male/female/someone I know/don't know), my heart starts pounding furiously and my breathing becomes a bit rapid.
I honestly want to converse/socialize with others, but those habits keep getting in the way and my social deprivation has caused my social skills to plunge. I need help.[/QUOTE]
Focus on your breathing. Inhale for 10 seconds, exhale for 10. You want to socialize, remember that. Don't let yourself shut down and become unable to do so. I had that issue for a long time because I was so shy. Just relax. That feeling in your chest will go away with calm breathing. Anxiety is manageable and you can control it. Refocus your eyes to the top of their head and an object behind them. You don't need to make eye contact the entire time yet.
You will be fine! Just go out and practice. You can't hold yourself back forever.
[QUOTE=Deathco;40531085]I'm friends with this girl, and I don't want a relationship with her. How do I approach just being friends? It feels awkward to treat her just like all my buddies.[/QUOTE]
if you're already friends with her why would you need to approach her about being friends
just treat her like anyone else you associate with and youll be fine
[QUOTE=MindMuncher;40533249]What? How? I mean, not how does she not want stuff in return, how does this work?
Like, I'm not comprehending it.
Do you not actively do stuff for her? Does she have to ask? Do you start to and she waves you away saying "nah, I'll just do you"? That last one would be really concerning to me.
I realize that other people don't all like going down on their girlfriend, or maybe the girl is icky down there (according to other people- I never had this problem really. Maybe she was more hygenic?).
I also know that I really enjoyed it though. Like, that's part of sex. If you never do that, then something's wrong. Especially since it's MUCH easier to get your lady-partner off with your mouth or your fingers, what with them being more dextrous than a meat stick. And getting her off is like, the main deal. What? I know that I would be like "I know it's not a barter system bb, I like it" or something, and I guess I naively imagined that everyone else would say something similar, which would mean that she denies your face access. What?
Enlighten me- how do you [i]not[/i] go down on your girl when you're having sex and have time enough for it? I'd probably start feeling guilty about the blowjobs to be honest, and it would take a bunch of the fun out of it.
[editline]5th May 2013[/editline]
Why did I get so worked up about that...[/QUOTE] she doesn't want me to eat her out or finger. It's either just sex or her giving me stuff
Ugh, well Prom was aight. I went with the girl that had rejected me before if anyone of you remember me posting about it. It felt really awkward because it felt like she didn't want to be my date and she would often just run off with her other friends. Then she made a tumblr post saying that I disappeared at random intervals at the night when she was the one who was making me feel not wanted when I was with her. I mean I had fun at prom but not with her. When we danced, it was just didn't feel right. I feel like we just ruined each other's prom or hindered the quality of it. Ugh.... I just really need to get away from her. She's no good for me at all and I'm pretty sure I'm no good for her either, even as friends we're terrible at it.
Sorry for posting this here... I just needed to get that off my chest.
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;40537245]she doesn't want me to eat her out or finger. It's either just sex or her giving me stuff[/QUOTE]
She's probably uncomfortable with it. I know at first I was pretty awkward and uncomfortable when my bf would do that stuff, but I never had a problem with blowjobs. Maybe you should talk about it with her a bit.
[editline]5th May 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Rammaster;40537397]Ugh, well Prom was aight. I went with the girl that had rejected me before if anyone of you remember me posting about it. It felt really awkward because it felt like she didn't want to be my date and she would often just run off with her other friends. Then she made a tumblr post saying that I disappeared at random intervals at the night when she was the one who was making me feel not wanted when I was with her. I mean I had fun at prom but not with her. When we danced, it was just didn't feel right. I feel like we just ruined each other's prom or hindered the quality of it. Ugh.... I just really need to get away from her. She's no good for me at all and I'm pretty sure I'm no good for her either, even as friends we're terrible at it.
Sorry for posting this here... I just needed to get that off my chest.[/QUOTE]
It's all in the past anyway, a little while longer and you'll be graduated and you probably wont see each other much anymore anyway. Don't dwell on highschool problems too much, they'll be over soon :)
[QUOTE=Rammaster;40537397]Ugh, well Prom was aight. I went with the girl that had rejected me before if anyone of you remember me posting about it. It felt really awkward because it felt like she didn't want to be my date and she would often just run off with her other friends. Then she made a tumblr post saying that I disappeared at random intervals at the night when she was the one who was making me feel not wanted when I was with her. I mean I had fun at prom but not with her. When we danced, it was just didn't feel right. I feel like we just ruined each other's prom or hindered the quality of it. Ugh.... I just really need to get away from her. She's no good for me at all and I'm pretty sure I'm no good for her either, even as friends we're terrible at it.
Sorry for posting this here... I just needed to get that off my chest.[/QUOTE]
I see no sign of alcohol in that post. Step up your game son.
[QUOTE=Boss;40538284]I see no sign of alcohol in that post. Step up your game son.[/QUOTE]
I did smoke and stargaze after it. It felt really nice.
[QUOTE=Rammaster;40538529]I did smoke and stargaze after it. It felt really nice.[/QUOTE]
this is random but what did you change ur nickname to on steam >.>
So if anybody remembers my previous post about my girlfriend issues... Things may have gotten worse, or better, still cannot really figure out which.
The two of us went out of town to visit our family, we spent three days apart during this time and just sent text messages back and forth throughout the day.
A lot of it was talking about the relationship, how she wants things to change, how I want to change and fix things, and how she has to change too to make things work.
Then she threw at me the fact that she "doesn't know if she wants to be with me anymore" (Keep in mind she just made me move to a different city to be with her), and that even if I do end up changing, she might not want to be with me.
She even went as far as saying, "If we broke up would you still be my friend?" I've been with this woman for over a year, I thought we were past this crap, so, in response I told her, "Fuck off. If you want to break up with me, do it."
We met up today to catch the bus back home to Saskatoon, she hugs me, kisses me, won't stop trying to hold my hand. She doesn't really know yet, but I have decided that my plan is to act like we aren't really "together" anymore. I think we've just been together for too long inside the house because of winter, we haven't gone out with our friends much or had much time apart, so, if things go according to plan.... It will be something like this:
I act like we aren't really dating much / I am not taking things super seriously ,because of her "not knowing what she wants".
She starts to realize how much different life would be without me, and that she doesn't really want to break up.
We both end up being happy, because I have changed, she has opened her eyes, blah blah.
Lol. I might seem full of myself for that, but I know her too well, and she knows me too well.
I just feel very frustrated though, being toyed with like this. "I don't want to be with you, but I love you, and love doesn't always end in breaking up, we can still love each other if we aren't in a relationship"
Shit like that.
I can't believe that after all I have done, this is what it comes to.
She also said, "I want less, not more." She wouldn't explain what she meant until recently, which is basically less of me focusing on her and the relationship, and more of me focusing on myself and my own goals.
That sucks though, I'm a relationship kind of guy, I love loving, and I love dedicating myself to somebody, I love making her happy, I love taking her out, that's where my pride comes from. It's the kind of person I am.
However, I also have a lot of insecurities and issues similar, I don't like blaming shit on other people, but I think it has a lot to do with my mother being addicted to drugs and always treating me like shit, being abusive toward me physically, bailing on my plans with her, taking off in the middle of the night, leaving town / disappearing for days, etc... It really damaged me inside somewhere, and I feel like me noticing the root of the problem is a step in the right direction...
However, my issues kind of make me a dickhead. I say mean shit without meaning to, I look down on women a lot because I feel like they're all out to get me / they all just want money and shit. It's just because of my issues I faced in my youth, I know it isn't really how women are, but deep down I still have that view somewhere and it forces itself out of me sometimes, so I treat her poorly.
I wish I was a different person, to sum it all up. I hate myself.
But this whole pretending to be "friends" thing is working out okay, we've spent a lot of our time together today laughing and stuff, since I basically say to her "Well, since you don't know what you want, I'll just consider us to be friends for now", and then we joke and things seem fine. She asks me, "Do friends still walk friends to the bus?" (because I always walked her to the bus for work / university), I replied, "This friend would do anything for you", and we've gotten along acting this way so far... I don't know what to think of that really, lol.
i think you both have very different expectations and goals in a relationship, and there isnt much you can do with that besides try to find a comfortable middle ground.
but you shouldnt try to blame yourself that much. relationships don't work out sometimes, it doesn't mean that you are fundamentally a flawed, damaged, or bad person.
[QUOTE=Fire Kracker;40542134]this is random but what did you change ur nickname to on steam >.>[/QUOTE]
It's still Rammaster lol. I think I may have removed you when I purged my friends list and your name wasn't "Fire Kracker" at the time.
[QUOTE=thisispain;40542390]i think you both have very different expectations and goals in a relationship, and there isnt much you can do with that besides try to find a comfortable middle ground.
but you shouldnt try to blame yourself that much. relationships don't work out sometimes, it doesn't mean that you are fundamentally a flawed, damaged, or bad person.[/QUOTE]
I have told her we need to find a middle ground, because there is always a balance and a way to get along. She just isn't cooperating fully, which hurts, and sucks... I know we have it in us to make the relationship work, but she is expecting me to do all of the work in fixing things and changing.
[QUOTE=Crpto2007;40537245]she doesn't want me to eat her out or finger. It's either just sex or her giving me stuff[/QUOTE]
Consider this a problem. This is a problem.
Does she specifically want you NOT to do those things?
I mean, I lack a vagina so I can't speak from experience, but I had a friend who was really uncomfortable with the whole 'someone'd face is in my bizness' bit. I told her that I was pretty sure she was missing out, but it's a pretty weak sentiment coming from someone without the parts to back up the statement. Asked her about it a while after she got her boyfriend and she admitted that she had been being silly about it and feels sorry for any girls who don't let themselves get comfortable with it. I felt so gratified, haha- this is suddenly a very weird sounding story. Hope Fio doesn't read Facepunch.
My girlfriend, as of late, hasn't wanted me to go down on her either. She has no issue giving me oral sex whatsoever, but every time I try she stops me and says something like, "it tastes bad" or "it's gross down there".
I try telling her that is bullshit and that I love doing it, but she just insists that we have sex, and that I don't go down on her.
It's extremely frustrating.
[editline]5th May 2013[/editline]
Also, not sure if this is thread for it, but I feel most comfortable posting in here since we had a pretty good discussion going a few nights ago...
How the fuck do people make friends nowadays? I feel so damn socially withdrawn knowing nobody in this city but my manager and people at work.
I go to school, but it's for adults and people aren't really there to make friends, just do the work and go home, get their grade 12s and that's it.
I need to get out more, I have one friend in the city, but hanging out with him is basically watching two movies and then taking off, kind of thing.
I really need some friends, maybe it would help my relationship if I were to go out more, more time apart and less time to bicker, etc. I'm so out of the friendship game, I don't know what to do, or how to approach people, etc.
[QUOTE=Rammaster;40542407]It's still Rammaster lol. I think I may have removed you when I purged my friends list and your name wasn't "Fire Kracker" at the time.[/QUOTE]
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):
Eh, so me and her broke up last night I guess.
It sucks but whatever, she doesn't seem too happy about it but it's what she wants, apparently.
It's shitty since we live together at least until the end of June, then I can move back to Regina I guess.
We're still having sex though, and she still wants to cuddle all night and sleep in the same bed and shit.
No idea what to do. But, tonight I'm just going to drink and go see some bands or something. I dunno.
[QUOTE=lifemonkey;40549510]Eh, so me and her broke up last night I guess.
It sucks but whatever, she doesn't seem too happy about it but it's what she wants, apparently.
It's shitty since we live together at least until the end of June, then I can move back to Regina I guess.
We're still having sex though, and she still wants to cuddle all night and sleep in the same bed and shit.
No idea what to do. But, tonight I'm just going to drink and go see some bands or something. I dunno.[/QUOTE]
If your broken up then you should stop acting like a couple and move on.
Don't start that thing where you break up and get back together and break up again.
Just trust me it doesn't work out and is not a good position to be in...
[QUOTE=Rhenae;40549521]If your broken up then you should stop acting like a couple and move on.
Don't start that thing where you break up and get back together and break up again.
Just trust me it doesn't work out and is not a good position to be in...[/QUOTE]
Oh I know, I've been in that boat before. It's not what I want whatsoever.
I've already told her that we need to stop acting like a couple if we are not in a relationship anymore.
Her excuse is that she still loves me, but isn't in love with me.
Just a bunch of crap.
[QUOTE=blacksam;40534755]Focus on your breathing. Inhale for 10 seconds, exhale for 10. You want to socialize, remember that. Don't let yourself shut down and become unable to do so. I had that issue for a long time because I was so shy. Just relax. That feeling in your chest will go away with calm breathing. Anxiety is manageable and you can control it. Refocus your eyes to the top of their head and an object behind them. You don't need to make eye contact the entire time yet.
You will be fine! Just go out and practice. You can't hold yourself back forever.[/QUOTE]
How do I start a conversation? How do I know if the person even wants to converse?
I don't want to upset anyone because I attempt to talk with them?
Me and my girlfriend have been together for more than a year, and we almost broke up.
Since that I kinda started liking another girl from class.
I don't know what I should do, there are days when I just see that my girlfriend is not happy and is wondering about when I will broke up with her, but on other days, we are the greatest couple, and this just makes me angry about myself.
I've no idea why I post this here now, just want some opion from you guys about this matter i guess.
What is something incredibly nice you can do for a person to make that person feel valued and appreciated? I don't care how much effort it takes just as long as it's doable. And it doesn't have to be just me who's in on it either.
EDIT: And it can't be something I do where the person in question feels indebted or obligated to do anything in return. It has to make the person feel valued, but not in a way where the person feels like she's not returning a favor. (In that sense, it's better if it's a thing that more people are in on)
[QUOTE=bucketofshrimp;40549785]How do I start a conversation? How do I know if the person even wants to converse?
I don't want to upset anyone because I attempt to talk with them?[/QUOTE]
I feel the same, i dont want to trap someone in a conversation they dont want to be in. I guess really its chance, unless you know what they are interested in: just try talking about something YOU'RE into, and hope that perhaps they share the interest. If not, you can probably tell they dont want to talk, or youll find something else to talk about. Regardless you lose nothing. Its a bit awkward but five minutes later niether of you will care.
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