Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[BigJoeyLemons]

[QUOTE=RocketRacer;44972437]Serious nerd that is obsessed with CoD gets girls? oh my[/QUOTE]

I'm assuming he means that he's friends with them but in a nerdy "I-love-you-as-a-friend" kind of awkward way

[Laughing Stock]

In group settings I usually just nod and laugh along but I never actually say much. I get caught up with my words and stutter a lot and it's really fucking annoying.

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=BigJoeyLemons;44972535]I'm assuming he means that he's friends with them but in a nerdy "I-love-you-as-a-friend" kind of awkward way[/QUOTE]

Based solely on the fact he plays CoD?

[NO ONE]

[QUOTE=LaughingStock;44972997]In group settings I usually just nod and laugh along but I never actually say much. I get caught up with my words and stutter a lot and it's really fucking annoying.[/QUOTE]

Similar stuff happens to me occasionally. I've improved a lot with my nerves over the years, but still, I stutter when I'm uncertain about what I'm saying and if the person I'm talking to to will react unpredictably. With group settings, or even in a one-on-one where I'm a little nervous and talk a lot, I end up literally choking up. I basically tense up and usually smile a bunch. When I try to stop smiling it usually feels weird to relax my face muscles so then I'm stuck awkwardly twitching my face to make it feel normal. And I do most of this shit subconsciously.

I really don't know why I end up getting nervous either...it happens with friends even. Again, it's not a chronic problem, and no one has really ever said anything, but I still make a big deal about it in my head. I wish it didn't annoy me so much and I wish I could be nervous without having these weird quirks.

[Laughing Stock]

Lately I've gotten over my fear of just talking so that's good. I used to hate my voice so I tended to just avoid speaking altogether, but then I realized people didn't care that much. Smiling is something I've been doing a lot of lately too.

in elementary school everyone referred to me as the kid who never talks or smiles and it kind of got to me. Every time I spoke or smiled they would be like, "omg omg! he smiled/talked!" so I remained silent.

now it's w/e. smiling is nice.

[tau]

I have a friend who is renowned for not smiling despite the fact he smiles a lot and all people do is make him feel self concious about it every time :(

[Loopoo]

[QUOTE=NeonpieDFTBA;44973362]I have a friend who is renowned for not smiling despite the fact he smiles a lot and all people do is make him feel self concious about it every time :([/QUOTE]

People who call other people out on stuff are stupid. If someone looks nervous, shut the fuck up, don't blurt it out to them "Hey guy, you look really nervous!" (as if it's going to help?!). I was in a group, and this dumb kid was mocking the way this guy looked (the guy is really chill, always friendly with everyone). I straight up told him if he wanted to make people feel like shit, he could piss off.

I hate people who put others down to make themselves feel good. It's such a crappy trait to have.

[BigJoeyLemons]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;44973002]Based solely on the fact he plays CoD?[/QUOTE]

Naw, I get it from that combined with the status he made about having a great time. It reminds me of all those other dudes I've seen who do that.

[Dub!]

[QUOTE=Zar;44971557]:c

i get good grades at least[/QUOTE]

Alright, I was being a huge cunt but still you need to think a little bit better next time you do something dumb.

[zenby]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;44973002]Based solely on the fact he plays CoD?[/QUOTE]

Also from looking through his pictures and numerous non-sensical status with no likes...

But I was at another event we were both at tonight, and she was talking about it and apparently they went to some other party and then she was the only sober one there
From the conversation it sounds like I'm not the only guy interested here, she said something about being done flirting with some guy. Not really sure because the room had terrible acoustics so you couldn't even hear someone 3 feet away.

So I'm even more conflicted now, because on one hand I've got this hot scuzzgirl who is now basically begging me to ask her out, but there's also hot promgirl who might have other guys after her already

I think the best course of action right now is ask out promgirl ASAP, and if that fails ask out scuzzgirl and then have an nice month or so before she gets bored and moves on (this has the added bonus of making the possibility of rejection easier to handle)

[BigJoeyLemons]

[QUOTE=BigJoeyLemons;44971839]Well, my prom went pretty darn well.
I was super worried about how I was gonna tell her she looked good while her whole family was around, and when she came out she was absolutely gorgeous and she told me I looked good right away, so I got kind of brain-farty and sort of muttered "yeah, you look good too". Then when we were at the school with all the other kids, everyone was telling her she looked so good and beautiful and stuff, so I thought [I]shoot, i didnt compliment her that well[/I]. So I went and told her she was probably the best looking person there, to which she seemed pretty delighted but flustered. I don't really know what she said.

Then on the bus, her (really annoying and clingy and sometimes bitchy) friend was behind us and told her that her shoes didn't match her dress. When she was like "excuse me" her friend was like "sorry, we were just trying to find something wrong with you". I quickly snapped back with "I've yet to find [I]anything[/I] wrong with you", and she was all "damn that was smooth"

Later on she pointed out that another girl was wearing a dress she wanted and that the girl looked really good in it, so I told her she looked better anyway. Then she was like "Alright you can stop now".

So basically I was really worried about managing to compliment her, but then I ended up complimenting her so much she told me to stop. It was a shame, too, since there were many more opportunities and it was so darn easy for me to do.

(most of these quotes are paraphrased btw)
(also other things happened but nothing too interesting)[/QUOTE]

So hold on, what do you folks think of this? Did I do okay in the compliment department?

[Rhenae]

[QUOTE=BigJoeyLemons;44974771]So hold on, what do you folks think of this? Did I do okay in the compliment department?[/QUOTE]

After having said at least something its not really that big of a deal. Would have been kinda bad if you had said nothing but after that it doesnt really matter that much.

If you want to talk quality though you overdid it with too many by fussing about complimenting her at every turn and in a way undermined your own compliments. One or two well placed comments is great, but more than that just makes it feel cheap.

[Fire Kracker]

[QUOTE=BigJoeyLemons;44974771]So hold on, what do you folks think of this? Did I do okay in the compliment department?[/QUOTE]

no

all you did was repeat what she said pretty much

[editline]2nd June 2014[/editline]

compliments are good but sometimes you gotta be like "u look good in that dress, but that dress would look better on me"

[zenby]

I decided to stop worrying about promgirl for now, so I asked out scuzzgirl for coffee and she said yes

[Archangel125]

Sometimes I worry if I'm broken. Give me something good to fight for and I'll fight even if I know I'll lose. Give me a chance to lay my very life down to save another and I'd do it without much fear or hesitation. Ask me to make a sacrifice of my security, health, reputation or freedom to defend or avenge someone I loved and I'd do it.

But love itself? I get close to somebody, experience one of those moments when everything seems to be going right and my heart is full, and the very next feeling is fear. Fear because I know that moments can't last and the happiness I feel is bound to end sometime. Fear because I can't commit to a relationship without letting myself be vulnerable, at least to an extent, and fear because I've gambled thus and lost before, and because I don't often let people get close to me and I'm always afraid I'll fuck something up or they'll betray me.

In the end, being happy with someone else makes me uncomfortable, because such deep feeling is rare and I fear what will happen when I let my guard down and start trusting. I start unconsciously keeping a little more of a distance, not being able to tell them why, and eventually communication breaks down and things stop working when they want me to take steps I can't bring myself to take.

It sounds utterly retarded, and it is, but that's my little problem.

Do you folks ever experience the same? The fear of depending on someone else or trusting them completely? How do you deal with it?

Also I feel kind of dumb for whining about it here.

[Causicus]

[QUOTE=archangel125;44976574]Sometimes I worry if I'm broken. Give me something good to fight for and I'll fight even if I know I'll lose. Give me a chance to lay my very life down to save another and I'd do it without much fear or hesitation. Ask me to make a sacrifice of my security, health, reputation or freedom to defend or avenge someone I loved and I'd do it.

But love itself? I get close to somebody, experience one of those moments when everything seems to be going right and my heart is full, and the very next feeling is fear. Fear because I know that moments can't last and the happiness I feel is bound to end sometime. Fear because I can't commit to a relationship without letting myself be vulnerable, at least to an extent, and fear because I've gambled thus and lost before, and because I don't often let people get close to me and I'm always afraid I'll fuck something up or they'll betray me.

In the end, being happy with someone else makes me uncomfortable, because such deep feeling is rare and I fear what will happen when I let my guard down and start trusting. I start unconsciously keeping a little more of a distance, not being able to tell them why, and eventually communication breaks down and things stop working when they want me to take steps I can't bring myself to take.

It sounds utterly retarded, and it is, but that's my little problem.

Do you folks ever experience the same? The fear of depending on someone else or trusting them completely? How do you deal with it?

Also I feel kind of dumb for whining about it here.[/QUOTE]

I know where you are coming from, I've always been far too loyal to my friends and the people I love. I've had trouble committing in the past and Its always been because if I got dumped or betrayed by this person it would probably wreck me, and to be truthful in relationships I always say to myself that I will NOT give them a good reason to break up with me, that i'd make sure to do my best so that it isn't my fault in the end.

Same goes with friends (long post), one of my friends got wasted one evening and she had nowhere to go at all and nobody would take her in, considering i'm a guy and the lawsuits from her abusive step dad would have come in bulk had I taken her in, I called the cops. She put me through hell for that decision and blamed me saying I could have told her to fuck off but I never could have. She started to tell people all these awful things about me and I dealt with the whiplash for months, even then I didn't do anything against her other than tell the story how it was. Even now after all of this I would still defend her in any situation.

Look man you aren't silly at all for posting this here, it's not dumb and it's not retarded. To be truthful I respect you for having a quality like that, you aren't broken, you're just cautious and loyal.

tl;dr It's not dumb, I've been there, totally normal.

[Big Dumb Patriot]

I could use some advice.

IBG and I are living together, and it's been amazing for the most part. She has good days and bad days, but they're mostly good, and when they are, they're as good as it gets. I love her, and she loves me. But her anxiety disorder is starting to become a problem.

I knew there would be certain things that she just couldn't cope with on her own, and that was okay with me. I have placed very few demands on her, and she's been great about almost all of them. She works hard on cleaning and cooking and keeping the place in order, far beyond the couple chores I asked her to take up, and is in no way whatsoever lazy, but we agreed before she moved in that she would get a job to help soften the budget, because I can barely afford to keep BOTH of us afloat.

I told her that I don't need much from her. Just part time, even at minimum wage, for a few hundred extra bucks a month that we could use to lessen my burden. She said it wouldn't be a problem at all, as long as she didn't get a job that required too much customer attention, and even seemed excited about it. But now we're just about settled in to the apartment, and when I try to talk to her about looking for work, she falls into depressive panic attacks. Bad ones. Hyperventilating, uncontrolled sobbing, the works.

Again, I know she can't be blamed for her anxiety disorder, and I'm fine with doing most of the "scary" stuff for her, but I can't carry ALL the weight. I need her help here, and this was something she said she could handle with a smile.

What can I do here? If she isn't able to help with money by securing an income stream of some kind, I can't afford to keep us both living here comfortably. She needs therapy, I think, but I couldn't possibly afford it on top of everything else, and neither could she without getting work first. Her parents aren't doing so well either, leaving only her grandma as somebody with the means and interests to help her afford it, but how could I approach her and say, "your grand daughter's emotional disorder is keeping her from living life, and I can't fix it on my own?"

[NoDachi]

Is she getting professional help?

[Big Dumb Patriot]

She's on medication for depression and anxiety, and it helps, but not enough. She completely shuts down when she gets in one of her bad states, and it didn't take much to trigger it. Yesterday, the catalyst was her saying she wanted to get a cat. I said I'd love to have a cat, and that we can get one as soon as she finds a job, because otherwise we couldn't afford it. She spent the rest of the day in near-catatonia, shuddering and sobbing.

[Zar]

talk to her doctor, since the meds arent doing so much for her.

[Rhenae]

My bf is on (well he has stopped talking them now, but WAS on) anxiety meds, he started having panic attacks when we moved out. I've also had two other friends with social anxiety (both ended up on meds) one very severe.

You can smooth her transition and help her, meds will also help in calming the anxiety (once she gets right ones, maybe these arn't it for her) but part of the advancement to get better over something like that is going to have to come from her. Eventually she has to face that fear and ease herself into it, to get more used to and less afraid of it.

Meds will help with depression and anxiety but they will never help her be rid of it on their own.
Have you managed to talk at all about what specifically is making her anxious?

[Big Dumb Patriot]

[QUOTE=Rhenae;44978755]My bf is on (well he has stopped talking them now, but WAS on) anxiety meds, he started having panic attacks when we moved out. I've also had two other friends with social anxiety (both ended up on meds) one very severe.

You can smooth her transition and help her, meds will also help in calming the anxiety (once she gets right ones, maybe these arn't it for her) but part of the advancement to get better over something like that is going to have to come from her. Eventually she has to face that fear and ease herself into it, to get more used to and less afraid of it.

Meds will help with depression and anxiety but they will never help her be rid of it on their own.
Have you managed to talk at all about what specifically is making her anxious?[/QUOTE]

We tried last night, but she was so panicky that I just couldn't get much out of her. She just kept saying "everything!" When I asked what she was scared of. I'm a bit afraid to bring it up again, because I don't want to send her into a bunch of unnecessary panic attacks, but I wonder if she will slowly get less afraid of the idea if I just talk to her about it every day? If it's something she's used to talking about, then talking about it shouldn't scare her anymore, right? And from there, we can actually start looking for work?

I want her to take her time and warm up to things at her own pace, bit we're also on a tight budget, and I need that extra income as soon as possible, or we're going to have to start tightening our belts.

[Loopoo]

Would it be possible to get an extra roommate in the mean-time for a bit of help? Or is your apartment only big enough for the two of you? Sucks to hear that, good on you for being so understanding and patient.

[Dooskington]

The feels when you are waiting months for a girl to call, and the day that I leave my phone at home, she tries to call me. Three times :L

[Metallics]

[QUOTE=Duskling;44982088]The feels when you are waiting months for a girl to call, and the day that I leave my phone at home, she tries to call me. Three times :L[/QUOTE]

... Call her back?

[Guy Mannly]

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;44979160]We tried last night, but she was so panicky that I just couldn't get much out of her. She just kept saying "everything!" When I asked what she was scared of. I'm a bit afraid to bring it up again, because I don't want to send her into a bunch of unnecessary panic attacks, but I wonder if she will slowly get less afraid of the idea if I just talk to her about it every day? If it's something she's used to talking about, then talking about it shouldn't scare her anymore, right? And from there, we can actually start looking for work?

I want her to take her time and warm up to things at her own pace, bit we're also on a tight budget, and I need that extra income as soon as possible, or we're going to have to start tightening our belts.[/QUOTE]

All I can think of is to offer to help her look for a job. If she's uncomfortable with the idea of working, then it might help to take things slow in terms of pushing her out of her comfort zone (if you have the time to do that without going broke).

[editline]2nd June 2014[/editline]

It's also possible that part of the reason she reacts that way is because she subconsciously knows it will delay you pressuring her to get a job. Eventually she'll need to realize that she has to start looking regardless of her feelings toward it.

[RubberDuckeh]

so overly long, whiny post from a few days ago aside i've come to the conclusion (that i had already come to) that i've got nothing to lose so i'm going to send the girl a text tomorrow and roll the dice

i figure worst case, i get ignored (most likely) or i get back a "who is this?" (less likely). best case (even less likely), we end up having a conversation and i'm able to redeem myself of one of the many, many stupid things i've done in the last few years (but most likely just get ignored). perhaps even manage to gain back some of the few friends i've ever had that were actually friends and not just people that wanted something from me

we'll see what tomorrow brings.

[kafurie]

[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;44979160]We tried last night, but she was so panicky that I just couldn't get much out of her. She just kept saying "everything!" When I asked what she was scared of. I'm a bit afraid to bring it up again, because I don't want to send her into a bunch of unnecessary panic attacks, but I wonder if she will slowly get less afraid of the idea if I just talk to her about it every day? If it's something she's used to talking about, then talking about it shouldn't scare her anymore, right? And from there, we can actually start looking for work?

I want her to take her time and warm up to things at her own pace, bit we're also on a tight budget, and I need that extra income as soon as possible, or we're going to have to start tightening our belts.[/QUOTE]

maybe try internet freelancing i used to do it years ago so im not that sure how well it goes now, but it used to be great

[url]http://www.elance.com/[/url]

[Dooskington]

[QUOTE=metallics;44982320]... Call her back?[/QUOTE]

Yep, already done :)

[Caynug]

I think I am finally over the jehovas witnesses girl.

It's a dick move from her tho to ignore me kinda out of nowhere although we were close as hell to each other for 2 years. Shows what a "nice" human being she is, I lost nothing when I think about it. She never even mentioned anything regarding to the situation.

Cold people, horrible brainwashing religion.

[editline]3rd June 2014[/editline]

all her life goal is to get people into the jehovas witnesses group to pleasure her god but what she really did is make one person hate them absurdly much.

[editline]3rd June 2014[/editline]

I love how she once said "if everybody would be a jehovas witnesses there would be no war".

I think war comes from bullshit things like the jehovas witnesses enforce. They don't allow them to "love" other people unless it's jehovas witnesses themselves. So they took her away from me with the constant brainwashing bullshit. That's an example for the bullshit that starts war.