Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=mac338;40550803]What is something incredibly nice you can do for a person to make that person feel valued and appreciated? I don't care how much effort it takes just as long as it's doable. And it doesn't have to be just me who's in on it either.[/QUOTE]
You have to pick something specific and valued by that person. That requires more knowledge than a random person on the web can give you.
The best thing to make someone feel valued and appreciated in my opinion is to just always be nice to them and do every day nice gestures. Not big one time things.
[QUOTE=riku2211;40550815]I feel the same, i dont want to trap someone in a conversation they dont want to be in. I guess really its chance, unless you know what they are interested in: just try talking about something YOU'RE into, and hope that perhaps they share the interest. If not, you can probably tell they dont want to talk, or youll find something else to talk about. Regardless you lose nothing. Its a bit awkward but five minutes later niether of you will care.[/QUOTE]
Hey, don't worry. You can usually tell when someone doesn't want to talk, because they give signals in body language or in what they say whether they want to or not. Just talk to people a bunch and I'm sure your senses will sharpen up.
Furthermore, the way you say something is much more important than what you say in casual conversation, so be up-beat and fun, even if you're just talking about trivial bullshit, you'll still be fun to talk to.
[editline]6th May 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=Rhenae;40550842]You have to pick something specific and valued by that person. That requires more knowledge than a random person on the web can give you.
The best thing to make someone feel valued and appreciated in my opinion is to just always be nice to them and do every day nice gestures. Not big one time things.[/QUOTE]
Well I'm nice to her every day, and I did give her a necklace from her favorite show last month which she really did appreciate a ton. I gave it to her as a thanks for just being amazing to me all the time.
Right now she's feeling down, and I've been talking to her. Usually I'm always "the guy with the right words" and I manage to brighten peoples days, but there's no worse feeling than not knowing what to say, and right now I'm at that point. But actions speak louder than words. However I don't want her to feel like she owes me something or that I'm just overwhelming her, all I want is for her to feel like she's good at something and that she's valued. And I want to do that with something more than words - a trip somewhere, a handmade gift, a surprise party for no reason, a box of candy - anything. And I want it to be from all her closest friends, all chipping in together. I'm having a hard time thinking of something original and awesome though, and hoped maybe Facepunch had some unique and good ideas.
Real effort isn't spending a bit of cash on someone or throwing something together as a one-time deal, it's spending every day treating that person how you think they deserve to be treated and consistently being there for them. Actions do speak louder than words but it's the unconscious actions that count, not the ones that you make when you're self-conscious or trying to look good to others.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;40551246]Real effort isn't spending a bit of cash on someone or throwing something together as a one-time deal, it's spending every day treating that person how you think they deserve to be treated and consistently being there for them. Actions do speak louder than words but it's the unconscious actions that count, not the ones that you make when you're self-conscious or trying to look good to others.[/QUOTE]
This is extremely true. A lot of us, myself included, are clouded by the idea of "love" or "caring" by gifts. I can throw my blame on my own issue with this to my childhood but won't bother.
However, it is sometimes nice to receive a gift, and we can all agree on that, whether it be taking somebody out for dinner (yes, that can be considered a gift, if you see it as such), or buying them a movie, game, book, ring, whatever.
I usually aim for something that the person has a lot of interest in, for example, my girlfriend (although we just broke up I will continue to call her that until it feels more 'official', or real to me), loves Lords of The Rings and ASoIaF, so I went out of my way to buy her the LOTR books, and a precursor book to LOTR, I can't remember what it is titled, but I just grabbed it for her the other day.
There is no "perfect" gift out there that you can buy, because everybody loves different things. Just take some time and figure out what you think is best for the person you are planning on buying something for.
EDIT: I guess the OP on this subject wasn't about gifts in general, but it was the first thing that popped into my mind upon replying, consider this an example and nothing else.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;40551246]Real effort isn't spending a bit of cash on someone or throwing something together as a one-time deal, it's spending every day treating that person how you think they deserve to be treated and consistently being there for them. Actions do speak louder than words but it's the unconscious actions that count, not the ones that you make when you're self-conscious or trying to look good to others.[/QUOTE]
This is totally true, but the way it sounds he IS there for her every day. I see what he's getting at, while she might feel appreciated and such from the everyday things, if she's been down lately it might be good to bring up her spirits with something bigger and more "one-time". It's not like the conscious actions don't count at all.
Definitely doesn't matter incredibly what it is, or if it costs money. Hell, if you just got all her friends, like you said, and all of you just went out for a day at the mall or someplace, maybe even got lunch/dinner and saw a movie, I'm sure she'd love it. Show her you notice she's not been in the happiest of moods lately and show her you care about her. I know I'D feel pretty cool if all my friends suddenly showed up at my house to, I don't know, maybe just go to one of their houses and have a little party to ourselves.
It doesn't gotta be "original and awesome", you know?
[QUOTE=lifemonkey;40549717]Oh I know, I've been in that boat before. It's not what I want whatsoever.
I've already told her that we need to stop acting like a couple if we are not in a relationship anymore.
Her excuse is that she still loves me, but isn't in love with me.
Just a bunch of crap.[/QUOTE]
You know the five stages of death
she's bargaining right now
don't let her bargain
i'm just telling her, "this is what you wanted, deal with it"
to which she usually is responding, "i just think we need a break"
less than 24hrs ago it was breaking up completely, now it's "a break", which is crap, i don't think there should be 'breaks' in relationships, but whatever.
i told her, "well, we're having that break right now, enjoy it". she's still just being all depressed about the entire thing when breaking up is what she wanted. if anything i should be the sad one, and i'm not sure why i haven't cried yet or anything at all. maybe i'm just too confident in the two of us.
maybe i'll cry after these beers.
[QUOTE=lifemonkey;40553578]i'm just telling her, "this is what you wanted, deal with it"
to which she usually is responding, "i just think we need a break"
less than 24hrs ago it was breaking up completely, now it's "a break", which is crap, i don't think there should be 'breaks' in relationships, but whatever.
i told her, "well, we're having that break right now, enjoy it". she's still just being all depressed about the entire thing when breaking up is what she wanted. if anything i should be the sad one, and i'm not sure why i haven't cried yet or anything at all. maybe i'm just too confident in the two of us.
maybe i'll cry after these beers.[/QUOTE]
It could be that she doesn't feel you two are 'close' anymore, considering she ended it/half-ended it and is still clinging to you. Perhaps it's a thing like... Compensating for a lack of emotional closeness with physical closeness? I dunno.
Remember me happy posting a thread back about this girl I was back together with? Well shit ended BAD. Heres a summary of our "attempt" at a relationship.
When you give up on a girl because you have 2nd thoughts and pretty good arguments on why NOT to be with her.
Show up at her dads n brothers bday anyway, have a fuckload of fun. Family loves me etc.
In the evening, girl is in the hallway crying her tits off about how erry dude except me treats her wrong.
*dem feels* Tell her she better be ready for some shit if she wants to date me, I know what I'm in for and I know what I have to offer.
Continue evening drinking wine and playing card games with remaining people at that party, barrelly talk to her or give her any attention.
Go to bed, 10 minutes in she knocks on the guest sleeping room "HEY ART PLS LET ME SLEEP NEXT TO YOU I FUCKIN LOVE YOU yadayadayada"
Fastforward a couple of weeks, all is going well.. I'm there for a atleast 2 days a week, she seems to be enjoying it.. her dad as well, he teaches me how to cook.
Head to her bro in a different city for a LAN party, leave her at home so we can have some bro-times.
Come back, she tells me she doesnt feel free enough and her feeling for me is gone.
I mean I understand "love" has to come from 2 sides but you WOT M8? She begged me to be with her, I didn't think it was a great idea but worth a shot as well..
2 months pass which have been amazingly fun.. to her as well apparently and now she tells me she doesnt feel anything for me anymore?
Her bro and older sis both told me she was fucking bonkers for making a decision like that... ugh fuck her.
Plus sides from this:
Loadsa compliments about the size of my wong.
Some clothing advice.
Ego-boost, she told me I was perfect but we lacked connection (uughh fuckyou.jpg)
She even dared to get pissed at me and throw shit around when I doubted her faithfullness lmao. Boy did that girl change since we last had a relationship 2 years ago.. what a complete instable batshit crazy bitch. I even had to lead the breakup conversation and ask her to elaborate about her feelings because she was too much of a pussy.
Her dad on the other side straight up said to me I was always welcome to have a cook-off and smoke a cigar with him.
He understood my attitude and anger towards her and we both agreed on just letting her fuck around and find herself, she's only 19 after all. (Not that I'm old but I do know what I want to get myself into.. she clearly didn't).
So Facepunch, fuck that bitch.. I'm single and confident as a motha fucka, this summer is going to be awesome.
[QUOTE=Yahnich;40558700]why do people get so angry about breaking up
it happens[/QUOTE]
After she fucking begged me? And even broke up with her other bf FOR me?
I have nothing to do but accept her choices but do understand I was godsmacked, one moment it's all fine n dandy and the other moment she runs out of feels.
Aw man its summer and its nice outside and people want to go out and I don't want to because im a chubby motherfucker.
Why can't it be Winter and I can wear my big coat forever.
You dont say.. meh, I regret her..
[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;40559098]Aw man its summer and its nice outside and people want to go out and I don't want to because im a chubby motherfucker.
Why can't it be Winter and I can wear my big coat forever.[/QUOTE]
what does being chubby have to do with anything
just go out
[QUOTE=arthuro12;40558635]-text-[/QUOTE]
Damn, how does one impress one's parents like that?
[editline]7th May 2013[/editline]
[QUOTE=RainbowStalin;40559098]Aw man its summer and its nice outside and people want to go out and I don't want to because im a chubby motherfucker.
Why can't it be Winter and I can wear my big coat forever.[/QUOTE]
Do something about it instead or are you one of those "it's genetics"?
[QUOTE=JohanGS;40559256]Damn, how does one impress one's parents like that?
[editline]7th May 2013[/editline]
[B]Do something about it instead or are you one of those "it's genetics"?[/B][/QUOTE]
lol
Weight isn't something static. If he doesn't want to be chubby, he should know that there are ways to fix that.
[QUOTE=johnsten;40559907]lol[/QUOTE]
lol
I bet you're one of those dudes using exactly that as an excuse.
"It's genetics" is a bullshit excuse and you know it, everyone knows it but some people still cling to the fucking idea of not doing shit with their lives and hiding behind excuses, pointing and blaming this or that or him or her when they should be pointing and blaming themselves.
You can do something about it, you just have to actually fucking do it, when things get hard, you try and find something to blame and you hide behind your shitty bullshit excuse.
Stop pointing fingers and say you're not where you want to be because of this or that, that makes you a god damned loser and I'm sure that's not what you are or what anyone else is.
Not even 2-3 years ago, I used to weight 265 lbs, I've been fat since a kid and stayed fat throughout my childhood, taking up weight continuously, hiding behind the same excuses every fat people has, pointing fingers about who or what made me this way all the while ignoring the 3 big macs I was busy stuffing my fat mouth with, then I realized that, holy shit I'm fucking fat and I hate myself but I try to blame everything else for my own self-loathing, and so I did something about it, I started to read about nutrition and working out and here I am now at a nice 175 lbs at 6' with about 15% bodyfat. The first step is acceptance, you have to accept that you're a fat fucking loser and step two is to do something about it.
Read up, you live in an age where information is readily available, you were born with endless opportunities, you were born with everything to help you get where you want to be, you know what you're worth so go and be what you're worth, you have everything at your disposal, documentation on nutrition and working out, people to support you, people ready to help you, whatever it is you fucking want.
This doesn't only apply to you, hell for all I know you're really skinny, can't tell much from this post but that applies to everyone, not just overweight people, just anyone that's not feeling well in their skins, be it because of being fat or being too skinny, you can do something about it, you just have to stand up and do it, stop hiding behind bullshit excuses.
I just consider drinks to be food also, drink or eat too much shit, you'll get fat regardless of if it's good for the health or not.
For me it was small pastries and stuff.
I was like "Ah, this thing's small, can't possibly fatten me." Years later, I look at the nutritional label, 110 calories for a very small donut and I'd eat like 5 because they were small and I realize now just how much that shit is. I can easily eat a decently-sized meal at 550 calories.
[img]http://foodpluswords.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/doughnuts.jpg[/img]
These little motherfuckers.
I much prefer the route of exercise shit loads, eat whatever the hell takes your fancy.
[QUOTE=metallics;40560426]I much prefer the route of exercise shit loads, eat whatever the hell takes your fancy.[/QUOTE]
That doesn't always work though, depending on your metabolism, if your basal metabolic rate is really really poor, you'll gain weight if you eat whatever you want, even if you exercise shitload.
It can work for sure, you just won't achieve much and if we're speaking about aesthetics here, you'll just never get shredded or have any muscle definition at all.
[QUOTE=Heigou;40560460]That doesn't always work though, depending on your metabolism, if your basal metabolic rate is really really poor, you'll gain weight if you eat whatever you want, even if you exercise shitload.
It can work for sure, you just won't achieve much and if we're speaking about aesthetics here, you'll just never get shredded or have any muscle definition at all.[/QUOTE]
Depends what exercise you're doing. Being "shredded" has never been an aim of mine, but I'm certainly far from fat. I spend most of my free time walking and/or climbing and I'm plenty strong enough.
[QUOTE=metallics;40560516]Depends what exercise you're doing. Being "shredded" has never been an aim of mine, but I'm certainly far from fat. I spend most of my free time walking and/or climbing and I'm plenty strong enough.[/QUOTE]
You want to work for strength, eating whatever you want (In moderation, don't want to be 2000 calories over your maintenance) and exercising loads is great so that's a good thing.
Thing is, I'm sure most fat people don't want to just be strong and remain fat or not look at least a bit shredded, and sad truth is if you want to lose weight and look anywhere near decent, you need to count your calories. Muscular Mass and Strength are two sides of the same coin but they're still attained differently.
You can't just take a fat person, tell him to keep eating like he does but lift heavy stuff up and expect him to become lean, it's unfortunate but that's not how it works, losing weight is like 90% nutrition and 10% actually lifting shit.
I can see where you are going with that, but I went from a chubby front row of the scrum type to a taller better built back end of the scrum type in a few years just by doing more stuff. It wasn't really intentional but dieting to me personally just doesn't work, counting calories is misery, I'd rather just do more of what I love and that seems to have worked just fine.
Also I should point out I don't lift and I don't like gyms.
[QUOTE=metallics;40560646]I can see where you are going with that, but I went from a chubby front row of the scrum type to a taller better built back end of the scrum type in a few years just by doing more stuff. It wasn't really intentional but dieting to me personally just doesn't work, counting calories is misery, I'd rather just do more of what I love and that seems to have worked just fine.[/QUOTE]
Oh yeah, counting calories definitely IS a misery, I have to do it personally.
Again, everyone's different, let's say you burn 2500 calories in a day and your appetite just so happens to make you eat about 2500 calories in the day, then you're one lucky person and calorie counting isn't so important anymore, you'll gain a little strength and a little mass by eating at maintenance.
Unfortunately we're not all like that, I probably burn around 2800 calories in a day since I only lift shit and rarely do cardio because I'm lazy but my appetite can easily make me eat like 5000 calories in a day and still not make me feel fulfilled. In this case, calorie counting was mandatory for me and for people who get especially fat (A bit like me when I hit 265 lbs) appetite becomes one of the main reason on why we gain weight so you can't expect people like that to still eat as they do and lose weight. Even if you workout 2 hours a day 5 days a week, eating 5000 calories a day will make you very fat.
Basically you're one lucky dude, I couldn't lose weight without counting my calories. Though we do also have different goals, my goal is to get big and shredded, like 8-10% bf levels of shredded. That shit requires some really good calorie management with the whole cutting and bulking cycle, it all depends on what your goal is.
In the end, the age old "Burn more calories than you eat in a day" is what makes you lose weight, regardless of how you do it, some people are lucky and just don't eat much in a day, some people aren't as lucky and would devour a planet if they could, I know I would.
[editline]7th May 2013[/editline]
You do climbing though, so that's in a way lifting, calisthenics might not be lifting and pumping iron but you're still lifting something.
[QUOTE=JohanGS;40559256]Damn, how does one impress one's parents like that?
[/QUOTE]
I dunno, they are kind by emselfs and have a loose attitude towards their daughter but her dad is a massive geek and her mom is into spiritual stuffs and reading.. so we have things in common.
Something I went downstairs to get something to drink for both of us and I just sit down and have a chat about fuckall with her parents.
Dunno, just be yourself.. they wont eat you or something.
i don't give a shit about my health at all i readily admit it
[QUOTE=Heigou;40560726]Oh yeah, counting calories definitely IS a misery, I have to do it personally.
Again, everyone's different, let's say you burn 2500 calories in a day and your appetite just so happens to make you eat about 2500 calories in the day, then you're one lucky person and calorie counting isn't so important anymore, you'll gain a little strength and a little mass by eating at maintenance.
Unfortunately we're not all like that, I probably burn around 2800 calories in a day since I only lift shit and rarely do cardio because I'm lazy but my appetite can easily make me eat like 5000 calories in a day and still not make me feel fulfilled. In this case, calorie counting was mandatory for me and for people who get especially fat (A bit like me when I hit 265 lbs) appetite becomes one of the main reason on why we gain weight so you can't expect people like that to still eat as they do and lose weight. Even if you workout 2 hours a day 5 days a week, eating 5000 calories a day will make you very fat.
Basically you're one lucky dude, I couldn't lose weight without counting my calories. Though we do also have different goals, my goal is to get big and shredded, like 8-10% bf levels of shredded. That shit requires some really good calorie management with the whole cutting and bulking cycle, it all depends on what your goal is.
In the end, the age old "Burn more calories than you eat in a day" is what makes you lose weight, regardless of how you do it, some people are lucky and just don't eat much in a day, some people aren't as lucky and would devour a planet if they could, I know I would.
[editline]7th May 2013[/editline]
You do climbing though, so that's in a way lifting, calisthenics might not be lifting and pumping iron but you're still lifting something.[/QUOTE]
Oh aye, I'm lifting myself and I'm well aware of that! It just gives you hench forearms and fingers over anything else. I probably am very lucky, but don't you worry, I'm enjoying it.
Lifting oneself is one of the best exercise out there, works forearms, grip strength, the biceps the back and a bit of the shoulders. Very amazing workout, I'm a huge fan of chin-ups, pull-ups wide-grip and stuff like that.
I managed to attain quite the lean shape by working out a couple of times a week and not eating til being completely stuffed.
But I'd guess the second part has been quite easy due my dads eating hasty habits being quite effective at making yourself slow down your eating, as it's quite an off-putting view.
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