Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

[NoDachi]

its all part of the grieving process and it sucks but it'll slowly pass

[blacksam]

Am I being short sighted thinking that I can work it out with her? Let alone be friends again? She leaves for another university in September. I really wanted it to work out. I want to say something like, yeah I can totally make it work with this girl, but the other half of me just goes, "you'll either end up hurting more when it fails, or feel like it's not the same or she just flat out says no."

[lordcrypto]

[QUOTE=haloguy234;45040636]snipd[/QUOTE]

don't.

just don't.

[zenby]

Talked to scuzzgirl at yet another party for a few hours, and we're finally rescheduling going out for coffee. Yay

[disseminate]

[QUOTE=haloguy234;45040636]post[/QUOTE]

Get ready for when you make it super-awkward with someone you'll have to see for the rest of your life

[Morbo!!!]

[QUOTE=blacksam;45052433]Am I being short sighted thinking that I can work it out with her? Let alone be friends again? She leaves for another university in September. I really wanted it to work out. I want to say something like, yeah I can totally make it work with this girl, but the other half of me just goes, "you'll either end up hurting more when it fails, or feel like it's not the same or she just flat out says no."[/QUOTE]

Just move on. She's not the only girl in the world and she isn't the most amazing/beautiful/kind girl in the world. If you really want to "make it work" with her then do, but in any case don't limit your options by solely pursuing someone who doesn't seem to give a shit about you.

Also don't be so afraid of failure. If she rejects you again, what would it actually change about your current situation? Nothing. Maybe the loss of hope that she still has feelings for you or w/e but when you're at that stage it's pointless even thinking about it.

[OscarLimaEcho]

[QUOTE=Disseminate;45057679]Get ready for when you make it super-awkward with someone you'll have to see for the rest of your life[/QUOTE]

get ready for when somebody finds out and you get the exact same social consequences as if she was your biological sister.

[editline]10th June 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=blacksam;45052433]Am I being short sighted thinking that I can work it out with her? Let alone be friends again? She leaves for another university in September. I really wanted it to work out. I want to say something like, yeah I can totally make it work with this girl, but the other half of me just goes, "you'll either end up hurting more when it fails, or feel like it's not the same or she just flat out says no."[/QUOTE]

Do you really want to try to get together with someone who dumped you, and will pretty much disappear a couple of months from now? I know that the "She was supposed to be the one" feeling sticks for quite a while, but I can guarantee you that one can miss so much while trying to beecome good enough for someone who dumped you.

[Squidman]

[QUOTE=blacksam;45052433]Am I being short sighted thinking that I can work it out with her? Let alone be friends again? She leaves for another university in September. I really wanted it to work out. I want to say something like, yeah I can totally make it work with this girl, but the other half of me just goes, "you'll either end up hurting more when it fails, or feel like it's not the same or she just flat out says no."[/QUOTE]

Hello. The best advice I can offer you is to diversify your portfolio. Allow me to explain.

You know how you would invest in index funds, bond funds/fixed index funds to diversify your stock portfolio, you just need to do essentially the same thing but with women/men in your romantic life.

I'll expound on this in great detail once I get back from work, just keep in mind that complacency is "the great satan"

[Dermock]

i am homo and like the dick

where do i go to meet people that are also homo and like the dick

preferably also a massive fucking nerd

[biccboi]

[QUOTE=Yahnich;45055487]after many years there is finally light at the end of my gf's depression it seems

yay[/QUOTE]

is she leaving you

zingerino

[Loopoo]

Life is pretty fun right now. I'm meeting a bunch of new people and I've got a solid group of friends that I enjoy hanging out with. I spend most of my time playing volleyball or frisbee (so fun), or just sitting in the park if the weather is nice and just talking about stuff. I've met this one guy who's a really avid backpacker, and he's told me to tag along with him to Italy once we graduate. I was planning on going to Italy anyway, so that'll be awesome.

I went from not really trying to meet new people, to just going out of my way and it's been less than a week and I'm already feeling way better about everything. If you're having trouble meeting people, don't stay in your comfort zone like I was (I never thought I'd enjoy volleyball as much as I do, so I'd just turn down the invites to play). Get out there and just take part in the stuff other people do. I surprised myself.

[NO ONE]

[QUOTE=blacksam;45052433]Am I being short sighted thinking that I can work it out with her? Let alone be friends again? She leaves for another university in September. I really wanted it to work out. I want to say something like, yeah I can totally make it work with this girl, but the other half of me just goes, "you'll either end up hurting more when it fails, or feel like it's not the same or she just flat out says no."[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]Do you really want to try to get together with someone who dumped you, and will pretty much disappear a couple of months from now? I know that the "She was supposed to be the one" feeling sticks for quite a while, but I can guarantee you that one can miss so much while trying to beecome good enough for someone who dumped you.[/QUOTE]

I pretty much have been dealing with the same problem with this ex I've been posting about since I first came to this thread. Although right now we do have a friendship going, ever since she dumped me it's been a battle of dealing with my emotions and wanting what we had before.

One of the big reasons I want to keep her in my life is that she is a great artist. She helped me re-awaken my creative side, which resulted in me wanting to go back to school and start studying graphic design starting in September (a major I wanted to pursue all along, but ended up getting pushed aside because I was convinced to pursue other interests). I'm even going to go to the same school as her (although about the only significance of this is that she has had the same professors). So basically she is a big inspiration to me.

Now changing channels a little bit, I feel that I'm not very good at [I]finding[/I] girls. Not talking to them, not coming up with dates, etc. Simply finding places where I can meet some girls. I feel I pretty much exhausted my options with OkCupid, so I'm thinking I really need to go more places and do some searching. Especially because my romantic life is not at all diverse.

I have so little experience in comparison to my peers. I've had more than few girlfriends, but most of that experience was accumulated in high school. Not that I discount it, but when I look back at some of my past relationships, I see that they weren't based on much. The other thing is that most of them didn't last terribly long.

This ex I've been posting about is the first girl I truly got to have sex with. I made out, groped, and even licked a few pair of titties in my past, but I never truly got to have sex with anyone. I got a blowjob in tenth grade, but that was the most I'd done before this most recent ex.

At this point in my life, I feel insecure about this. Especially because with a lot of my peers, some of which I would say have worse confidence, emotional issues, etc. than me; they have more experience than me. I will never understand this, and when I've discussed it with friends, they don't understand it either....I really think it's just a case of my being really unlucky. Never really being in the right place at the right time.

I've been thinking maybe it's time to starting visiting bars and go to the mall a bit more. Anything to give me a chance with meeting with someone. It's been really bugging me all these years that I never seem to really get that many chances to talk and meet with girls. I noticed that when I do come across somebody I don't mind talking to, it's usually in a situation that doesn't allow me to (seeing them while in traffic, seeing them on a register or something, etc.). Granted, for some of those situations I might be making excuses, but for the most part I truly can't.

A few more final thoughts on things I need advice on;

My mind has been fucking me over recently, especially with thoughts about my ex. Now what I've been dealing with mentally with my ex is something I've experience before with other friends. That is thinking a friend doesn't like or care about you anymore after experiencing a "dry stint" in which repeated attempts in trying to hang out or have intimate conversations end with nothing. I'm sure most of us have dealt with this. Even with a very close friend, we can sometimes catch them during a bad month or something and their actions (or lack of actions) can leave us thinking we don't mean anything to them anymore.

I've dealt and gotten over this with a few friends more than once, but with this ex of mine, I seem to make it different...just because the emotions a slightly different/stronger. Part of the issue is that I just don't know for certain how she feels about me anymore (at least in a friendship sense). She show signs of still wanting to do stuff and talk about mutual interests, but at the same time I've been feeling it's not enough.

I don't really want to make it different from any other friend though. I don't really like to think just because she was a girlfriend and that I still like her means that it has to be all that more complicated. I 'd like to be able to just truly go with the flow. If a friendship remains, so be it. If she wants to get back together, I'll consider obviously and work on it from there. If start it up with somebody else that's great too. But as I mentioned about with the problems I have, it just isn't simply like that.

The biggest thing that drives me crazy is that I'm usually good with this shit. I'm the one usually giving out the advice and helping friends getting over shit just like this. I really am like a therapist to my friends and sometimes my family. People are always giving me compliments on how calm and collective I am, like I have it all under control. But in the end I still have shit I have to sort out and deal with. It feels so alienating to be mentally strong, yet still have issues with things I think shouldn't even have problems with.

I don't know....maybe I just need to cleanse my mind still.

[carcarcargo]

[QUOTE=loopoo;45062900]Life is pretty fun right now. I'm meeting a bunch of new people and I've got a solid group of friends that I enjoy hanging out with. I spend most of my time playing volleyball or frisbee (so fun), or just sitting in the park if the weather is nice and just talking about stuff. I've met this one guy who's a really avid backpacker, and he's told me to tag along with him to Italy once we graduate. I was planning on going to Italy anyway, so that'll be awesome.

I went from not really trying to meet new people, to just going out of my way and it's been less than a week and I'm already feeling way better about everything. If you're having trouble meeting people, don't stay in your comfort zone like I was (I never thought I'd enjoy volleyball as much as I do, so I'd just turn down the invites to play). Get out there and just take part in the stuff other people do. I surprised myself.[/QUOTE]
People play volley ball in this country? Are you down south, cuz I couldn't see many people playing it up here

[Morbo!!!]

[QUOTE=NO ONE;45063627]I pretty much have been dealing with the same problem with this ex I've been posting about since I first came to this thread. Although right now we do have a friendship going, ever since she dumped me it's been a battle of dealing with my emotions and wanting what we had before.

One of the big reasons I want to keep her in my life is that she is a great artist. She helped me re-awaken my creative side, which resulted in me wanting to go back to school and start studying graphic design starting in September (a major I wanted to pursue all along, but ended up getting pushed aside because I was convinced to pursue other interests). I'm even going to go to the same school as her (although about the only significance of this is that she has had the same professors). So basically she is a big inspiration to me.[/quote]
On its surface there's nothing wrong with this. Just don't make her your entire focus, and come to terms with the fact that your romantic relationship with her is over. Move on. Concentrate on what you're actually there for - your education - and keep your friendship at a friendship level.

[quote]
Now changing channels a little bit, I feel that I'm not very good at [I]finding[/I] girls. Not talking to them, not coming up with dates, etc. Simply finding places where I can meet some girls. I feel I pretty much exhausted my options with OkCupid, so I'm thinking I really need to go more places and do some searching. Especially because my romantic life is not at all diverse. [/quote]

The internet and social media are just about the worst place to "find" girls and in the case you do through that medium, keep any conversation short and sweet. If you're not going to be meeting face to face it's a waste of time and effort. Just go out and do something you know, tangible, that actually interests you. You can go alone or bring someone along who shares that interest. If you meet girls there, you already have common grounds to start a conversation. Just focus on enjoying yourself rather than the company of women dictating whether you do or not. The only place you're gonna actually get to meet, talk to, date, fuck or marry a girl is in the real world.

[quote]
I have so little experience in comparison to my peers. I've had more than few girlfriends, but most of that experience was accumulated in high school. Not that I discount it, but when I look back at some of my past relationships, I see that they weren't based on much. The other thing is that most of them didn't last terribly long.

This ex I've been posting about is the first girl I truly got to have sex with. I made out, groped, and even licked a few pair of titties in my past, but I never truly got to have sex with anyone. I got a blowjob in tenth grade, but that was the most I'd done before this most recent ex.

At this point in my life, I feel insecure about this. Especially because with a lot of my peers, some of which I would say have worse confidence, emotional issues, etc. than me; they have more experience than me. I will never understand this, and when I've discussed it with friends, they don't understand it either....[/quote]Refer to the above.

[quote]I really think it's just a case of my being really unlucky. Never really being in the right place at the right time.[/quote] I swear I'm a broken record; Don't compare yourself to other people in such a way; Don't look at what they've got in their lives that you don't, and think you're somehow inferior for it. For every good thing in their life there's some next man with 10x more, and for him, someone with 10x more. Don't look at what other people have and think "Oh, they're really [B]lucky[/B] for what they have. They must have really rich parents/they're really attractive/x/y/z". Instead, try and work out what [B]actions[/B] they took to get where they are. They're ripped? They went gym. They've got a nice car? They managed their expenses. They have a banging bird(s)? They approached and attracted them. There's no "perfect moment" when it comes to... anything really. If you want to get something done, you gotta just do it regardless of circumstance. Holding on to these self-limiting beliefs is something I still struggle with but the more you go against them the easier it becomes to get and do what you want.

Some more general advice here, but it applies.
When it comes to attraction, looks and wealth are out the fucking window for all intents and purposes. It's 99% personality, and I'm not talking "I obey her every command and buy her things and call her beautiful every time I see her" nice guy shit. Women want a man who LEADS and just as importantly, someone whose company they actually enjoy (They're both interlinked). Who do you think any given girl will be more attracted to? The guy who doesn't know his place in the world, wants to find "the one" and will slap that label on the first girl that smiles at him, the guy who only takes what he is given? Or the man who has his head straight, who knows what he wants and [B]acts[/B] with purpose and intent to get it?

[quote]
I've been thinking maybe it's time to starting visiting bars and go to the mall a bit more. Anything to give me a chance with meeting with someone. It's been really bugging me all these years that I never seem to really get that many chances to talk and meet with girls. I noticed that when I do come across somebody I don't mind talking to, it's usually in a situation that doesn't allow me to (seeing them while in traffic, seeing them on a register or something, etc.). Granted, for some of those situations I might be making excuses, but for the most part I truly can't.[/quote]

Then go find situations where they're not busy with something specific. Like you said, bars. They're a good start. They're there to have fun and if you focus on doing that yourself it makes approaching them that much easier. You absolutely do not want to be that guy stood in the corner, looking down at his drink with his head up his proverbial arse. If you want to actually create relationships on any level with you, you're going to have a million times more success taking the first step yourself than if you wait for someone else to come along and engage with you. And if you think about it, that's what the VAST majority of other people want too.
Also, lower your standards. Not to the point where you're only going after warts with arms and legs. How do you know whether or not you'd mind talking to someone, before you've talked to them?

[quote]
A few more final thoughts on things I need advice on;

My mind has been fucking me over recently, especially with thoughts about my ex. Now what I've been dealing with mentally with my ex is something I've experience before with other friends. That is thinking a friend doesn't like or care about you anymore after experiencing a "dry stint" in which repeated attempts in trying to hang out or have intimate conversations end with nothing. I'm sure most of us have dealt with this. Even with a very close friend, we can sometimes catch them during a bad month or something and their actions (or lack of actions) can leave us thinking we don't mean anything to them anymore

I've dealt and gotten over this with a few friends more than once, but with this ex of mine, I seem to make it different...just because the emotions a slightly different/stronger. Part of the issue is that I just don't know for certain how she feels about me anymore (at least in a friendship sense). She show signs of still wanting to do stuff and talk about mutual interests, but at the same time I've been feeling it's not enough. [/quote] Whatever her feelings are towards you don't matter. She's probably getting railed by someone else right as I type this. She's your ex for a reason, whatever that might be. Stay friends or don't, it really doesn't matter on the scale of things. I can practically guarantee that when you eventually do find someone else you're attracted to, you'll forget she even exists. "Love" is an opportunistic emotion and not some mystical shit that transcends time, space and our being. The more you focus your mind on her, the more opportunities you'll miss for it.

[quote]I don't really want to make it different from any other friend though. I don't really like to think just because she was a girlfriend and that I still like her means that it has to be all that more complicated. I 'd like to be able to just truly go with the flow. If a friendship remains, so be it. If she wants to get back together, I'll consider obviously and work on it from there. If start it up with somebody else that's great too. But as I mentioned about with the problems I have, it just isn't simply like that.[/quote] Why [I]did[/I] you break up? If she didn't give a specific reason, or gave a wishy-washy one then put any thoughts of reviving your relationship to bed

[quote]
The biggest thing that drives me crazy is that I'm usually good with this shit. I'm the one usually giving out the advice and helping friends getting over shit just like this. I really am like a therapist to my friends and sometimes my family. People are always giving me compliments on how calm and collective I am, like I have it all under control. But in the end I still have shit I have to sort out and deal with. It feels so alienating to be mentally strong, yet still have issues with things I think shouldn't even have problems with.[/quote] Giving out advice and applying it to your own life are two different things. I was the same, it's a lot easier to cut up and analyse stuff when it doesn't actually affect you.
Speaking of which, take everything I and for that matter, what everyone posts in threads like these and any advice you're given with a pinch of salt. I'm pretty adamant in the fact I'm not talking straight from the arse here, but only you know the specific problems that afflict you and the manner and context in which they do so. Something that worked for someone else in an apparently similar situation might not fly for someone else.

To finish, I'll give you the most generic and universal piece of advice I can: There cannot be effect without cause.

[editline]11th June 2014[/editline]

[QUOTE=loopoo;45062900]Life is pretty fun right now. I'm meeting a bunch of new people and I've got a solid group of friends that I enjoy hanging out with. I spend most of my time playing volleyball or frisbee (so fun), or just sitting in the park if the weather is nice and just talking about stuff. I've met this one guy who's a really avid backpacker, and he's told me to tag along with him to Italy once we graduate. I was planning on going to Italy anyway, so that'll be awesome.

I went from not really trying to meet new people, to just going out of my way and it's been less than a week and I'm already feeling way better about everything. If you're having trouble meeting people, don't stay in your comfort zone like I was (I never thought I'd enjoy volleyball as much as I do, so I'd just turn down the invites to play). Get out there and just take part in the stuff other people do. I surprised myself.[/QUOTE]
This is great. If you stay within the limits of your comfort zone, you will not improve your social situation. The only way you can expand your comfort zone is by stepping out of it. Think of it like an RTS. Come to think of it this analogy works great. I've never been an avid player of RTS, but my playstyle kinda reflects this; Less than a year ago, I'd turtle and turtle, never moving my units out of my base (Comfort zone), build up an army and send them on a massive attack, which would fail 9/10 times because I didn't have the resources or numbers to compete with my opponent, and building up my army again would take ages; To relate this, think of it like asking a girl out. You "psych yourself up" (Building your army), ask her out (Attacking), get rejected (army destroyed) and spend days, weeks, months, or in extreme cases years completely devvo'd by it (Rebuilding) until you find someone else who takes your fancy and start the process again.
I hope you get the picture well enough for the flipside because I can't be arsed explaining

[Loopoo]

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;45064650]People play volley ball in this country? Are you down south, cuz I couldn't see many people playing it up here[/QUOTE]

Yeah man, we don't give a fuck. We just bought a net and set it up between trees in the park when the weather is nice. Then we just play. It's not the strictest game ever, but it's fun as hell.

If the weather is shit, we just play it at uni on a pingpong table with changed rules. It's ridiculous amounts of fun. We're up North so we're usually playing at school.

[Elexar]

broke up with gf. relationship started feeling like a lie i had to uphold. she still had intense feelings for me which made me feel pretty guilty. her circle of friends was also falling apart so that didn't help, either.

ontop of that i felt that keeping close contact immediately after the breakup wasn't a good idea so i talked to her about that and now we don't rly talk any more. i figured it's for the best for both of us but especially for her since she still has feelings for me and needs to get over that. close contact won't help with that.
this made me feel like an even bigger asshat.

[Loopoo]

No matter how bad it makes you feel, at least tell yourself you went about it in a mature way, and tried your best to be as kind as possible about the breakup. Don't beat yourself up. Life's too short, relationships don't always last, at least you were big enough to realise this and made the right decision to end it, rather than dragging her along for months before inevitably making things worse (cheating, becoming resentful towards her cause of her clinginess, her finding out you lost feelings months ago, whatever).

Props to you. Tell yourself that with time, she'll get over it. That's all you can really do. Beating yourself up over it is bad. All the best, man.

[carcarcargo]

[QUOTE=loopoo;45065279]Yeah man, we don't give a fuck. We just bought a net and set it up between trees in the park when the weather is nice. Then we just play. It's not the strictest game ever, but it's fun as hell.

If the weather is shit, we just play it at uni on a pingpong table with changed rules. It's ridiculous amounts of fun. We're up North so we're usually playing at school.[/QUOTE]

Seems like I've missed all the fun by not making it to uni, hard to get out of your comfort zone when everyone else you knew is gone.

[Morbo!!!]

[QUOTE=carcarcargo;45065759]Seems like I've missed all the fun by not making it to uni, hard to get out of your comfort zone when everyone else you knew it gone.[/QUOTE]

This is another self-limiting belief. You don't need friends to make new ones. Some of the most fun times I've had I've gone out on my own. That way you're also less invested in the image you usually hold around the people you know. If you're the sort of person whose ego takes over in your social life, it can really help to minimise its influence. You can "be yourself" or pretend you're Ryan Gosling

[carcarcargo]

[QUOTE=Morbo!!!;45065953]This is another self-limiting belief. You don't need friends to make new ones. Some of the most fun times I've had I've gone out on my own. That way you're also less invested in the image you usually hold around the people you know. If you're the sort of person whose ego takes over in your social life, it can really help to minimise its influence. You can "be yourself" or pretend you're Ryan Gosling[/QUOTE]

Not really anywhere to meet people around here, just pubs and clubs both of which have atmospheres that make me uncomfortable, particularly if I'm on my own.

[OscarLimaEcho]

[QUOTE=haloguy234;45040636]step-sister[/QUOTE]

I seriously want you to come back here and explain that you're seriously not going to stick your dick in your stepsister, because nobody is going to say "oh she was just your STEP sister no man thats totally hot".
And her mother said "If you touch her one more time, I'll kick your ass!", that's a solid hint she doesn't want you to fuck her daughter.

[Genericenemy]

So my friend is coming round tomorrow on the back of us having a nice day together on Saturday, two things though. I genuinely don't know what to say or where I could go (I've got £20).

[Zar]

I live close to your country, it's getting insanely hot over here. Take her out for icecream if the weather is the same at where you are at.

[editline]11th June 2014[/editline]

or him

[Genericenemy]

[QUOTE=Zar;45074909]I live close to your country, it's getting insanely hot over here. Take her out for icecream if the weather is the same at where you are at.

[editline]11th June 2014[/editline]

or him[/QUOTE]

Funnily enough I'll probably be going to the beach with her tomorrow, and besides its not worth going on a hour or two long bus journey just to get ice cream.

[Zar]

what seriosuly? you have to travel an hour or two to get proper icecream? geez.

[blacksam]

[QUOTE=Squidman;45059664]Hello. The best advice I can offer you is to diversify your portfolio. Allow me to explain.

You know how you would invest in index funds, bond funds/fixed index funds to diversify your stock portfolio, you just need to do essentially the same thing but with women/men in your romantic life.

I'll expound on this in great detail once I get back from work, just keep in mind that complacency is "the great satan"[/QUOTE]

Oh snap. Didn't think I'd be getting a finance lesson and lady advice from one of my favorite posters.

[Genericenemy]

[QUOTE=Zar;45075109]what seriosuly? you have to travel an hour or two to get proper icecream? geez.[/QUOTE]

Yeah we live in separate towns where the bus is the only real option. Its not worth it just for that. Anyway other suggestions would be welcome, something on what I could say as well please.

[Zar]

talk about how life is. what you hope the future brings (not to marry her, but your interests and what you study or want to work with)

[OscarLimaEcho]

[QUOTE=Genericenemy;45075330]Yeah we live in separate towns where the bus is the only real option. Its not worth it just for that. Anyway other suggestions would be welcome, something on what I could say as well please.[/QUOTE]

so are you seriously saying neither of those towns have a store that cells icecream? It doesn't have to be supericecream that is shit through a machine, just icecream to cool off.

[ColdWave]

A little bit of venting here:

My ex was the one to dump me, I was and am still pretty upset over it. It was pretty out of the blue a nearly three year relationship and she suddenly wants to pack up and move from where I live to across the country into California. Come to find out after moving out there she fell into this shitty crowd of straight up low life scumbags and is now a major alcoholic and pothead. Literally not even the same girl, or at least the one I knew when we were face to face.

She tries to stay in touch with me and I sort of hate it, I feel like shes always mocking me, shitting on me. I told this girl so much shit about me and now I honestly regret almost all of that, if I had only known what she was going to become.

Now part of me wants someone again, I don't know if I want a sexual relationship right now but I want someone who is more then a friend that I can just talk to about my life and at the same time have them talk to me about their life and I can listen. I want to really get to know someone on a super personal level I guess is what I'm saying.