Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=nerdster409;45101474]This issue doesn't have to do with me, but with my brother.
You see, he's engaged. Before cheering for me and stuff, his fiancee is 18. I think it's too early for her to get married. Also, they currently live with my aunt.
What do you think?[/QUOTE]
I honestly believe that it's none of your business.
People do dumb shit, and the whole engagement thing is really being thrown around just to have a "next level" for relationship where they need to feel some sort of progression.
If you really think so, but let me just add that the mistakes my brother makes sometimes affect others.
For example, the fiancee's parents pretty much disowned her for dating my brother. Because her family was the only way to get to her job, my parents, being the good samaritans they are, gave away one of their cars to her and purchased another one.
Couple months later, and she totals the car. Now the only way for her to get to work is me. I'm stuck picking her up and dropping her off, which is a two hour drive and uses a lot of gas, which costs money, which I'm not expecting to get because they already owe me money for other favors.
So perhaps you understand why I feel like it's somewhat my business.
Then refuse. She isn't your responsibility.
[QUOTE=nerdster409;45101946]If you really think so, but let me just add that the mistakes my brother makes sometimes affect others.
For example, the fiancee's parents pretty much disowned her for dating my brother. Because her family was the only way to get to her job, my parents, being the good samaritans they are, gave away one of their cars to her and purchased another one.
Couple months later, and she totals the car. Now the only way for her to get to work is me. I'm stuck picking her up and dropping her off, which is a two hour drive and uses a lot of gas, which costs money, which I'm not expecting to get because they already owe me money for other favors.
So perhaps you understand why I feel like it's somewhat my business.[/QUOTE]
It is in no way your business. If you don't want to borrow money and services to someone who can't or wont pay you, [I]simply don't[/I].
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45101982]It is in no way your business. If you don't want to [B]provide[/B] money and services to someone who can't or wont pay you, [I]simply don't[/I].[/QUOTE]
If I do that, my brother will hate me. I know that doesn't sound like much of a consequence, but he's really immature, and will resort to constantly calling me and harassing me in an attempt to get me to do what he wants.
I'll stop providing free services, but he will keep trying to get me involved with his problems.
[QUOTE=nerdster409;45102082]If I do that, my brother will hate me. I know that doesn't sound like much of a consequence, but he's really immature, and will resort to constantly calling me and harassing me in an attempt to get me to do what he wants.
I'll stop providing free services, but he will keep trying to get me involved with his problems.[/QUOTE]
Get your brother to drive her? It's pretty insane how they gave her a fucking car, and you shouldn't let it be your problem.
Then grow a fuckin spine m8
If you keep bending to your brother's will then he'll only be able to keep getting away with his immaturity. He's not going to eventually come around and see the "errors of his ways" because you're enabling him to do that. Neither will it better your situation.
When I read these threads I see so many of you so afraid to take risks to get what you actually want and rather settle for the "safe" option, ie a situation which isn't actually benefiting you, just maintaining the status quo.
So what do you want out of this situation? Do you want to keep spending your money to keep other people happy while they show little appreciation for it, so you can feel good about your altruism? If so, keep doing as you are.
If that's not what you want, tell your brother and his fiancee that their problems are their own and not yours. Whether you realise it or not, you got bigger things to worry about than the hole your brother wants to dip his cock into
Help him where you can but not to the extent that it's relieving him of responsibility or it's draining resources you could put to better use in your own interest.
[QUOTE=Morbo!!!;45102238]
When I read these threads I see so many of you so afraid to take risks to get what you actually want and rather settle for the "safe" option, ie a situation which isn't actually benefiting you, just maintaining the status quo. [/QUOTE]
Applies to nearly every single problem people come here with, only exceptions are pregnancy and haloguy wanting to bang his sister.
You still haven't replied, haloguy.
I saw you read it.
Don't do it.
Stop.
[QUOTE=nerdster409;45102082]If I do that, my brother will hate me. I know that doesn't sound like much of a consequence, but he's really immature, and will resort to constantly calling me and harassing me in an attempt to get me to do what he wants.
I'll stop providing free services, but he will keep trying to get me involved with his problems.[/QUOTE]
Im not sure how you think helping her get to work is gives you a right to have a say in if she gets married.
Im also not sure how if you opt to not help her your brother is going to hate you, but somehow telling him not to marry the girl he wants wont get a similar reaction?
[QUOTE=nerdster409;45101946]If you really think so, but let me just add that the mistakes my brother makes sometimes affect others.
For example, the fiancee's parents pretty much disowned her for dating my brother. Because her family was the only way to get to her job, my parents, being the good samaritans they are, gave away one of their cars to her and purchased another one.
Couple months later, and she totals the car. Now the only way for her to get to work is me. I'm stuck picking her up and dropping her off, which is a two hour drive and uses a lot of gas, which costs money, which I'm not expecting to get because they already owe me money for other favors.
So perhaps you understand why I feel like it's somewhat my business.[/QUOTE]
2 hours? Are you insane?
I'd seriously reconsider my career choices if I had to travel two hours every day to work.
Yeah, either demand that you're compensated financially, with interest (That's 4hrs of your day gone). If they agree but skimp, then refuse. You are not her fucking chauffeur.
Always wanting the girls I can't have.
It's just hit me that now I've withdrawn from uni and moved back home, I have zero irl friends, which is really depressing
How do I make frend
Hlep
Posting after 2 months of hiatus from facepunch just for some advice because I don't know what to do now.
So I was friends with this girl and we were kind of cool friends. And then I messaged her one day that I liked her in that way and if she could give a chance to work it out through. Well...I was just taking my chances.
It didn't turn out well. She rejected my proposal. I told that's ok but we should still keep the friendship.
She told that it will take some time to feel comfortable as friends. I assured that I won't ever bring up the same matter again and I don't feel the same anymore. Even then she needed time. I said ok. It's been over 1 week now.
Day before yesterday, our company threw a till midnight party. And I found that the distance grew even more. She made excuses for things like if she would like to dance with me. And then later she did but I wasn't the one with whom.
Now it looks like that she is kind of ignoring me. I do still wish to keep the friendship. Why can't she be normal now ?
I messaged her last night that I didn't feel bad or cry when she rejected me but did cry after all because I don't know what to do to keep the friendship. I was kind of drunk too but sober enough to walk back home and go to my flat and cry there in solitude. I guess alcohol just draws out emotions well.
What do you guys suggest ? I kind of screwed up the matter ? The girl is Indian but she has had her own share of relationships before, bad and convoluted ones too.
I am thinking of forgetting everything because I already told her that I value friendship above anything else. And if she ignores me then I see no point in forcing it. But the friendship was kind of pretty awesome. I will miss that.
[editline]15th June 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Slowbro;45106854]It's just hit me that now I've withdrawn from uni and moved back home, I have zero irl friends, which is really depressing
How do I make frend
Hlep[/QUOTE]
A good way to make friends is to tell your secret. The ones that won't bite you later. Just need to entrust first. Because that's where the foundation of good friendship starts. But who am i to give advice when I fucked up real bad this time :p
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45099245]Didn't notice that part when I saw your post.
The chance of impregnation is about 5% throughout most of the menstrual cycle, peaking at about 25% when ovulating (that's a period of about 1-2 days out of a woman's cycle). On top of that, it isn't exactly physically possible that your semen somehow found its way to the other side of the condom if the condom was still intact afterward. Unless the condom fell off inside her/while you were pulling out or something, you can chalk up your chances of impregnating her to "astronomical".
I need to just save that last paragraph in a file for future use - a lot of people come to this thread asking similar questions. If anyone else is reading this... Seriously, don't worry about one slip-up leading to a pregnancy. If you're properly using any type of birth control, you're fine. If a condom breaks, get plan B.
[editline]13th June 2014[/editline]
Also, it amazes me how many people come to this thread who are using condoms AND hormonal birth control and still think they're going to end up with a kid. It is virtually impossible.[/QUOTE]
I know, it's still not here though, what the fuck could possibly be taking so long nothing is different, can women just miss periods sometimes for no real reason (or a reason other than pregnancy)?
[QUOTE=Crumpet;45108772]I know, it's still not here though, what the fuck could possibly be taking so long nothing is different, can women just miss periods sometimes for no real reason (or a reason other than pregnancy)?[/QUOTE]
Yes.
- Stress (this is a big one)
- Exercise
- Drug use/medication
- Miscalculated the length of her cycle
etc
[QUOTE=fritzel;45108256]Posting after 2 months of hiatus from facepunch just for some advice because I don't know what to do now.
So I was friends with this girl and we were kind of cool friends. And then I messaged her one day that I liked her in that way and if she could give a chance to work it out through. Well...I was just taking my chances.
It didn't turn out well. She rejected my proposal. I told that's ok but we should still keep the friendship.
She told that it will take some time to feel comfortable as friends. I assured that I won't ever bring up the same matter again and I don't feel the same anymore. Even then she needed time. I said ok. It's been over 1 week now.
Day before yesterday, our company threw a till midnight party. And I found that the distance grew even more. She made excuses for things like if she would like to dance with me. And then later she did but I wasn't the one with whom.
Now it looks like that she is kind of ignoring me. I do still wish to keep the friendship. Why can't she be normal now ?
I messaged her last night that I didn't feel bad or cry when she rejected me but did cry after all because I don't know what to do to keep the friendship. I was kind of drunk too but sober enough to walk back home and go to my flat and cry there in solitude. I guess alcohol just draws out emotions well.
What do you guys suggest ? I kind of screwed up the matter ? The girl is Indian but she has had her own share of relationships before, bad and convoluted ones too.
I am thinking of forgetting everything because I already told her that I value friendship above anything else. And if she ignores me then I see no point in forcing it. But the friendship was kind of pretty awesome. I will miss that.
[editline]15th June 2014[/editline]
A good way to make friends is to tell your secret. The ones that won't bite you later. Just need to entrust first. Because that's where the foundation of good friendship starts. But who am i to give advice when I fucked up real bad this time :p[/QUOTE]
Ungh god damnit.
You're asking why your friendship got weird, yet you were the one who told her you liked her and if she wanted to "work it through".
You guys act like being told a friend likes you is the coolest shit ever, when in reality it can make [I]everything[/I] awkward. Suddenly it's not your best friend you get along with, but that guy who likes you a lot more than you do back.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45108906]Yes.
- Stress (this is a big one)
- Exercise
- Drug use/medication
- Miscalculated the length of her cycle
etc[/QUOTE]
You've put me massively at ease so I hope you're right, she's been having cramps for the past 3 days so I hope they're the period coming and not pregnancy cramps
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45109479]Ungh god damnit.
You're asking why your friendship got weird, yet you were the one who told her you liked her and if she wanted to "work it through".
You guys act like being told a friend likes you is the coolest shit ever, when in reality it can make [I]everything[/I] awkward. Suddenly it's not your best friend you get along with, but that guy who likes you a lot more than you do back.[/QUOTE]
This. It's been posted again and again a confession is a bad idea compared to the title of the thread - not only is it more awkward if they don't like you/if you fuck it up somehow, it will cripple friendships and ultimately ends whatever connection you had before.
It's such a fucking stupid concept. You've established you like someone, and decide to inform them it's about time they become your girlfriend, without every thinking they might have to develop any feelings toward you.
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45111071]It's such a fucking stupid concept. You've established you like someone, and decide to inform them it's about time they become your girlfriend, without every thinking they might have to develop any feelings toward you.[/QUOTE]
If only I had all the time in the world I would have waited but then time is not always on our side.
I still don't see why that should ruin friendship. Just stating that you expecting more than friendship only if the other person is ok with that (underscored). Not trying to force anything here. [B]It was just a way to be with her for a lifetime[/B]. Friendships stretch thin over time, esp in case of two opposite gender people.
I would never have said that but then I don't want to regret not asking when I will look back in past as I grow older. You know, you got to ask to know. It's a one way street but someone got to give signs and find out if it really is a two way street.
So I assume that I don't talk at all if she kind of ignores me ? I wanted opinion on how to redeem the friendship and not how wrong I was on what I did. What's done is done. The past can't be changed. But the present and future can still be veered in favorable direction to salvage the friendship/
[QUOTE=fritzel;45111331]If only I had all the time in the world I would have waited but then time is not always on our side.
I still don't see why that should ruin friendship. Just stating that you expecting more than friendship only if the other person is ok with that (underscored). Not trying to force anything here. [B]It was just a way to be with her for a lifetime[/B]. Friendships stretch thin over time, esp in case of two opposite gender people.
I would never have said that but then I don't want to regret not asking when I will look back in past as I grow older. You know, you got to ask to know. It's a one way street but someone got to give signs and find out if it really is a two way street.
So I assume that I don't talk at all if she kind of ignores me ? I wanted opinion on how to redeem the friendship and not how wrong I was on what I did. What's done is done. The past can't be changed. But the present and future can still be veered in favorable direction to salvage the friendship/[/QUOTE]
Jesus christ.
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45111438]Jesus christ.[/QUOTE]
ok.
I don't quite understand what he's trying to say.
[QUOTE=ZombieWaffle;45111494]I don't quite understand what he's trying to say.[/QUOTE]
Just trying to save friendship.
How old are you? This isn't how dating or relationships work. You're using analogies who are nothing but a load of crap instead of saying it how it is.
If you want a relationship, person A and B will have to be interested in having a relationship.
Lets say A and B are good friends.
Over time or suddenly, A starts to "like" B, but there's no indications B "likes" A.
What do you think is the best course of action for A to get into a relationship with B?
1: Proclaim his "liking" to B, solely relying on the off-chance that B "likes" them back.
2: Somehow try to get B interested in A so the feeling might be mutual. (some people call this dating or something)
Don't answer that. You shouldn't be considering 1. Ever.
If you want to save the friendship, drop the entire thing. Try to act as a friend and hope she somehow believes you aren't into her, because there's a large chance she simply wont let you that close anymore now that you told her this.
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45111558]How old are you? This isn't how dating or relationships work. You're using analogies who are nothing but a load of crap instead of saying it how it is.
If you want a relationship, person A and B will have to be interested in having a relationship.
Lets say A and B are good friends.
Over time or suddenly, A starts to "like" B, but there's no indications B "likes" A.
What do you think is the best course of action for A to get into a relationship with B?
1: Proclaim his "liking" to B, solely relying on the off-chance that B "likes" them back.
2: Somehow try to get B interested in A so the feeling might be mutual. (some people call this dating or something)
Don't answer that. You shouldn't be considering 1. Ever.
If you want to save the friendship, drop the entire thing. Try to act as a friend and hope she somehow believes you aren't into her, because there's a large chance she simply wont let you that close anymore now that you told her this.[/QUOTE]
27
It's kind of difficult to know whether person B likes person A or not, assuming that A starts liking B. There were telltale signs but then the other moment were of doubts.
I already dropped entire thing and told her that too since the feelings were not mutual. She told she needs time to behave normal again. How long ? I don't know. And she can't seem to get it off her mind. The reason she is ignoring me.
I got just half of this month. Because I will be moving back to India while she will remain in New Zealand for maybe a month or two longer. I don't know what can I do in this little time to mend the friendship as there will be a large disconnect after that.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45111663]27
It's kind of difficult to know whether person B likes person A or not, assuming that A starts liking B. There were telltale signs but then the other moment were of doubts. [/QUOTE]
That's really way too old to be doing stuff like this, at your age, people go on dates. The sensible thing would have been to ask her out on a date, and simply accept a no for a no.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45111663]
I already dropped entire thing and told her that too since the feelings were not mutual. She told she needs time to behave normal again. How long ? I don't know. And she can't seem to get it off her mind. The reason she is ignoring me. [/QUOTE]
I don't know how close you were, but the most common way to get rid of someone who all of a sudden has a completely one-sided interest in you is to not talk to them anymore.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45111663]
I got just half of this month. Because I will be moving back to India while she will remain in New Zealand for maybe a month or two longer. I don't know what can I do in this little time to mend the friendship as there will be a large disconnect after that.[/QUOTE]
Only thing you can do is not make a big deal out of it. If she doesn't want to talk to you after this you're probably out of luck.
I need to become a better person. I'm just extremely judgmental and an asshole all the time. What are things I could do to change my mindset and not be so self-centered and uncaring?
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