Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
In that case, you're technically an adult and most likely have reached the age of consent in your country, so there's no reason for you to be embarrassed about being sexually active. I assume based on your shyness toward it that you're not comfortable talking about it with your girlfriend, either - I suggest you work on communicating about sex a bit more clearly, both to others and to your girlfriend. Being comfortable using proper terms for sexual anatomy will help a lot in improving your sex life. Doing a bit of research on sexual anatomy and learning where everything is will help immensely, as well.
My boyfriend never watched porn before we got together, either. Does your girlfriend know that you don't watch porn? If she does, it might be fun for her to show you a few videos she likes (that's what we did). If not, you could try watching it together. Since you don't already watch porn, you do have the advantage of missing out on the some of the ridiculous beliefs that most men have about the female anatomy - you're a bit more of a blank slate than most.
[QUOTE=Dub!;45323946]You're fine man. :) Don't sweat it. How'd she react?[/QUOTE]
she looked in ecstasy during it. I'm by no means bragging because I have no idea what I'm doing but goddamn if there isn't something completely magical about knowing you can make someone you like feel like that. Feels fucking great. Truly is better to give than to recieve. Seriously, seeing her happy makes me happy and that extends to this, I'd say.
[quote]In that case, you're technically an adult and most likely have reached the age of consent in your country, so there's no reason for you to be embarrassed about being sexually active. I assume based on your shyness toward it that you're not comfortable talking about it with your girlfriend, either - I suggest you work on communicating about sex a bit more clearly, both to others and to your girlfriend. Being comfortable using proper terms for sexual anatomy will help a lot in improving your sex life. Doing a bit of research on sexual anatomy and learning where everything is will help immensely, as well.
My boyfriend never watched porn before we got together, either. Does your girlfriend know that you don't watch porn? If she does, it might be fun for her to show you a few videos she likes (that's what we did). If not, you could try watching it together. Since you don't already watch porn, you do have the advantage of missing out on the some of the ridiculous beliefs that most men have about the female anatomy - you're a bit more of a blank slate than most.[/quote]
did you know the age of consent is 16 in canada? we're so fucking backwards. We're like northern australia.
And yes, I'm a bit of a prude. I don't know. I just assume she wouldnt want to talk about any of that stuff but it's very clear I need to have an idea what I'm doing because right now it's kinda like sitting inside the cockpit of a helicopter and only vaguely knowing that helicopters go up and down. I'm still learning everything. I'm relieved I'm able to get a chance to learn now though. And I'm glad I've got someone I kind of mildly care for to be able to learn with, someone I don't really feel ashamed of being myself around
also is guy mannly a girl? who would've thought! I don't think she knows that because it's never came up. When my computer crashed I made an offhanded crack about losing 40 gigs of porn but that's a falsehood. Don't get me wrong, I've seen the occasional naked lady on the internet and went "aiiight that's p. sweet" but porn feels gross. Feels voyeuristic. That's just my own prudish opinion.
now that i think about it the first time i fingered a girl she bled but apparently i scratched her
which i felt bad about for a while because i imagine that hurts quite a bit
RIIIIGHT? I wouldn't want a scratch inside me.
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
so I've been [I]terrified[/I] that I've given her some bacterial infection
I should note I have a crippling anxiety disorder that for the most part keeps me grounded to the house and terrified of most social situations so I cannot express how nervous putting parts of me inside someone else makes me feel
A scratch isn't a big deal, it's not like you gave her rabies or something.
If she was really in pain, she probably would have let you know. I wouldn't worry about it. Just make sure you keep your nails trimmed (if you don't already) and.. y'know... don't scratch.
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
And it's honestly not that painful from my experience. It's nothing compared to having a guy try to shove their dick in your ass without letting you know beforehand...
really thanks again. This has been a great comforting help cause I've just been shaking and pale as a ghost and sipping a tea and other stereotypical things people do when they're nervous but I [I]actually [/I] do. Goddamnit. I'm a wreck.
I was inside a vagina today and I'm a wreck. I am not living up to my status as a teenage boy.
I need to do something calming. I downloaded Amnesia the Dark Descent recently, maybe I'll play that.
steam. It wasn't illegla.
If you hurt her, trust me, you'll know it. Don't worry about it at all. You should also talk with your girlfriend about how things were after sex and discuss what you can do to improve it next time.
that is probably a better idea than what i did
i was staying at her house as a guest so i wasn't in the same room so she snuck into my room and we boned down for the first time and she was like "o-okay i'm going back to my room now..." and I was like "ok cool see you tomorrow" and then went to bed, not realizing apparently it hurt and i did literally nothing to comfort her (in my defense i was and still am generally oblivious to literally everything)
[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;45324069]she looked in ecstasy during it. I'm by no means bragging because I have no idea what I'm doing but goddamn if there isn't something completely magical about knowing you can make someone you like feel like that. Feels fucking great. Truly is better to give than to recieve. Seriously, seeing her happy makes me happy and that extends to this, I'd say.
[/QUOTE]
That's great dude :)
Hope everything works out with you and her because you sound like a nice guy.
I've been pretty good so far about talking to her and making sure shes been comfortable with everything we do
believe me I've been texting her about this which is legimately pretty awkward but it's 1 am and she lives half an hour away I wasn't going to walk and I'm nervous now, k?
she's been telling me it's because nothing goes down there and not to worry. She's a lot saner than I am, really.
I think the biggest lesson here is more communication. I think next time I see her we're gon' have a big ol' sex talk and work some of these kinks out.
Also, I sure as hell hope things work out too.
I've been very aware this whole time that things probably won't last very long, cause she's going off to school soon and I'm sticking around working, but I've been trying to push that thought away and just focus on enjoying life as it happens
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
the thing is and I bury the thought as much as possible but she is my first "real" girlfriend so if anything she can't possibly stick around long term , it simply wouldn't be healthy for either of us. You need experience
a buddy of mine, his parents are high school lovers and I honestly cannot say I've seen a marriage more rocky and pathetic
they're a good example
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
and I know that sounds bad but I'm an overthinker and pessimist
I really really really [I]really[/I] like her
I'm not sure if it's love because I don't think I'm mature enough to really get that just yet but she's kind of my best friend and occasional sexual partner which I think is the bees knees and I'd like to get as much time as I possibly could with her
[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;45324069]she looked in ecstasy during it. I'm by no means bragging because I have no idea what I'm doing but goddamn if there isn't something completely magical about knowing you can make someone you like feel like that. Feels fucking great. Truly is better to give than to recieve. Seriously, seeing her happy makes me happy and that extends to this, I'd say.
did you know the age of consent is 16 in canada? we're so fucking backwards. We're like northern australia.
And yes, I'm a bit of a prude. I don't know. I just assume she wouldnt want to talk about any of that stuff but it's very clear I need to have an idea what I'm doing because right now it's kinda like sitting inside the cockpit of a helicopter and only vaguely knowing that helicopters go up and down. I'm still learning everything. I'm relieved I'm able to get a chance to learn now though. And I'm glad I've got someone I kind of mildly care for to be able to learn with, someone I don't really feel ashamed of being myself around
also is guy mannly a girl? who would've thought! I don't think she knows that because it's never came up. When my computer crashed I made an offhanded crack about losing 40 gigs of porn but that's a falsehood. Don't get me wrong, I've seen the occasional naked lady on the internet and went "aiiight that's p. sweet" but porn feels gross. Feels voyeuristic. That's just my own prudish opinion.[/QUOTE]
Excuse me Mr.Prude but how is a stepped age of consent of 16 backwards? It's a good thing, not a bad one.
(Apologies if this comes off as aggressive? I'm re-reading my wording and it sounds a bit haha )
I wouldn't say that staying in a relationship with your first partner is a bad thing because of lack of experience, but because it takes a few breakups to realize that a relationship is just that. You shouldn't stay with someone because you're sentimental about your relationship but because you realize that continuing to be in that relationship is beneficial to both of you. Going through a few relationships gives you better perspective and makes you realize that not every relationship is worth staying in for the rest of your life.
[quote]the thing is and I bury the thought as much as possible but she is my first "real" girlfriend so if anything she can't possibly stick around long term , it simply wouldn't be healthy for either of us. You need experience
a buddy of mine, his parents are high school lovers and I honestly cannot say I've seen a marriage more rocky and pathetic
they're a good example[/quote]
I really wouldn't worry about this. You've got the right idea with enjoying it in the moment, and sure it might go one way or the other but if you nail the communication part of your relationship, there is no reason it couldn't work.
Other than the lack of porn and sexual knowledge (bf and I were the opposite) your in a similar situation to what we were, 3 years ago. I'm his first gf (I dated earlier but he was of course my first for most important steps) and we are going perfectly good after all that time. We got together when he was just turning 18, this year he will be turning 21 and I'll be going 20. I don't see it ending for any particular reason too soon either. First relationships can work just as well as later ones, just it takes most people a few relationships to really build the necessary skills. So long as you can be understanding and communicate well, you've got down what takes most people quite some time
As for age of consent, I think it's only significant if one of you is under the age of consent and one is over it. There aren't a lot of situations for a sexually active minor where the law will come into play before your parents will.
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
damn automerge!
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45324721]As for age of consent, I think it's only significant if one of you is under the age of consent and one is over it. There aren't a lot of situations for a sexually active minor where the law will come into play before your parents will.
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
damn automerge![/QUOTE]
We broke eachother :v:
What Mannly says too, about first relationships. Theres a huge perspective change from first to 3rd long term relationship for me, although its not necessary to have break ups to get there, I imagine they speed the process a fair bit
just for the sake of discussion, what do you guys consider your "upper limit" as far as age is concerned in a potential partner? Obviously this varies with age, but I'm just curious.
[QUOTE=Rhenae;45324698]Excuse me Mr.Prude but how is a stepped age of consent of 16 backwards? It's a good thing, not a bad one.
(Apologies if this comes off as aggressive? I'm re-reading my wording and it sounds a bit, I don't mean it that way. Simply sounds like your a little newbie to the whole sex thing and I suspect the idea you've got there is from a lack of knowledge : ) )[/QUOTE]
it's not agressive at all. I think it's fine we do that. I was trying to be funny but I'm not!
And your words are helpful and thought provoking to me as well. I really only know the one failed marriage so obviously I havem't seen a wide enough spectrum but if you two hooked up at 18 and are still together nad happy it might be possible
My brother's been dating his girlfriend since he was about 19-20, hes 26 now, they've got a great relationship so I don't know
Thank you everyone for dealing and putting up with such a sexually oblivious idiot. It was incredibly comforting and assuring.
Thank you all! Here's hoping for all the best. Next time I see her we gon' have a big ol' talk.
[QUOTE=Zinayzen;45324735]just for the sake of discussion, what do you guys consider your "upper limit" as far as age is concerned in a potential partner? Obviously this varies with age, but I'm just curious.[/QUOTE]
Varies by age, like at 16 2 years to 18 is a pretty big difference, but once your 19 dating to 21 isn't as much of a big deal, and again from there dating someone 25 would be a big deal, but a 25 and 30 year old isn't necessarily (my sister who is now married, her husband is 6 years older than her)
[QUOTE=Rhenae;45324745]Varies by age, like at 16 2 years to 18 is a pretty big difference, but once your 19 dating to 21 isn't as much of a big deal, and again from there dating someone 25 would be a big deal, but a 25 and 30 year old isn't necessarily (my sister who is now married, her husband is 6 years older than her)[/QUOTE]
isn't this strange? I think it's cause in high school the grade difference is so big it's confusing and daunting
I don't think it's actually too big a deal though, even then.
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
also in regards to being a newbie when she told me to put it in I honest to god asked for directions because I didn't know :v
[QUOTE=Zinayzen;45324735]just for the sake of discussion, what do you guys consider your "upper limit" as far as age is concerned in a potential partner? Obviously this varies with age, but I'm just curious.[/QUOTE]
I generally go with the 2x-7 rule.
On top of actual ages, I usually would think of it in terms of where they are in life. If I was still in high school, I wouldn't want to start dating someone who had already graduated high school. I'm finishing my Associate's right now (about 2 years of college done), so I wouldn't want to date someone who has already finished their Masters (if I were single I would honestly not date anyone who isn't pursuing a Masters degree or further, education is important to me). I generally wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone who already has a career because I'm not even close to that point.
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;45324751]isn't this strange? I think it's cause in high school the grade difference is so big it's confusing and daunting
I don't think it's actually too big a deal though, even then.
[editline]8th July 2014[/editline]
also in regards to being a newbie when she told me to put it in I honest to god asked for directions because I didn't know :v[/QUOTE]
It's because the changes you undergo slow down as you get older. A 16 year old is going to be a completely different person 2 or 3 years from then, a 20 year old isn't going to be that much different when they're 22.
[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;45324751]isn't this strange? I think it's cause in high school the grade difference is so big it's confusing and daunting
I don't think it's actually too big a deal though, even then.[/QUOTE]
It's mostly development in younger ages, until about 18-20 your brain is still developing at a wayyy faster rate, so the maturity difference is massive. Your brain does the most changing in those years, after that is settles so the difference isnt as much
I mean think of yourself at 13. Can't speak for everyone but I want a time machine so I can smack myself for being a MASSIVE dumbass and a major social retard, I realized that around 16 but then again now I would be pretty happy to smack my 16 year old self as well.
People figure out who they are and change a lot in those years :v:, the actual brain psychology is really interesting, although I'm far from qualified to talk about it. I would recommend looking up some info on it though if you have a bit of an interest, really interesting the biological changes and focuses the brain takes during teen years
edit:
I'll stop talking now, Mannly and I are just saying the same stuff but she says it far more elegantly than my anecdotes :v:
boy i hope maturity doesn't factor in because i'm 22 but i'm pretty sure i'm mentally like 18 at the most
Man, this maturity and long term relationships talk has got me thinking, I'm 16 and on my first relationship, It's pretty strong right now, but I'm mainly scared that we both may change a lot during these years, wich may affect our relationship, what can be done to be able to stay together (and still being as happy as we are now) as time passes by?
[QUOTE=Cosa8888;45326032]Man, this maturity and long term relationships talk has got me thinking, I'm 16 and on my first relationship, It's pretty strong right now, but I'm mainly scared that we both may change a lot during these years, wich may affect our relationship, what can be done to be able to stay together (and still being as happy as we are now) as time passes by?[/QUOTE]
That's a common concern at your age. The truth is that you probably won't be together outside of high school. You'll both change a lot as people and there's no telling that your lives will be going in the same direction two years from now. Remember that if you end up breaking up a few years from now, it won't seem like the end of the world at that point - it will probably be a choice that makes sense to both of you (even if it isn't entirely mutual). Considering that you'll both either be going into college or looking into a full time job in two years, there will be a [i]lot[/i] of accommodations you would both have to make to continue the relationship, and it isn't always worth it.
It's normal to think your first relationship is going to last, but you're going to have many better relationships in the future. When the time comes to start deciding what to do with your future, remember to make your choices based on what you want for yourself and not based on your partner. Aside from that, never stay in a relationship that isn't beneficial to you solely because you attach sentimental value to it/are afraid of change.
[QUOTE=Dick Slamfist;45323689]
she told me to slip my fingers in there
so I did
put one in, she told me two
what I wasn't expecting was there to be blood everywhere
[/QUOTE]
The fact your name is "[B]Dick Slamfist[/B]" is rather unsettling!
[QUOTE=Cosa8888;45326032]Man, this maturity and long term relationships talk has got me thinking, I'm 16 and on my first relationship, It's pretty strong right now, but I'm mainly scared that we both may change a lot during these years, wich may affect our relationship, what can be done to be able to stay together (and still being as happy as we are now) as time passes by?[/QUOTE]
As we talk about pretty often communication is the biggest necessity, don't let issues stew and always try to see the others side.
But possibly more importantly at your age you also will probably need to learn to be able to let go of the relationship, especially as you head toward college it is important to remember that there is other people you could date, and getting a good education (which will effect the rest of your life ever) should matter more than trying to stick with your high school sweetheart.
Not saying you have to ditch them either though,my bf and I both moved a city over since I needed to come here for my course and he could do his here as well (or could have done it at home for a bit cheaper) and we felt it was worth that bit of extra monetary expense, its totally up to you guys)
But you do just need to be willing to see when the relationship isn't worth trying to make stay together, and if your meant to and have good communication, then you will without having to force it
[QUOTE=Cosa8888;45326032]Man, this maturity and long term relationships talk has got me thinking, I'm 16 and on my first relationship, It's pretty strong right now, but I'm mainly scared that we both may change a lot during these years, wich may affect our relationship, what can be done to be able to stay together (and still being as happy as we are now) as time passes by?[/QUOTE]
I'm 17 and never had 'first kiss' not even talking about having a girlfriend.
Another subject: so school is closed this thursday and it got me thinking that I should go out with some people I've sort of gone friends with. There's a big group of them but I mostly prefer company of 2-4 of them all(other 2 being a couple who act like kids so nope) and there's a guy that I got most stuff we can talk about in common than anyone else in the group, so I was thinking how should I ask them if anyone's free this thursday/weekend. I can try and ask the girl I'm most friends with who is part of the company about that. /
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;45327792]I'm 17 and never had 'first kiss' not even talking about having a girlfriend.[/QUOTE]
I didn't have my first kiss until 19. Don't worry about it.
Thanks for the advice, we have pretty clear that communication, trust and being able to see from each other's side are very important things to make this work.
As for staying together, we live and will live pretty close on the foreseeable future, since living with your parents here is normal until university is over (you don't live there), and we will study pretty similar careers, and if everything goes alright, we will study in the university we want, wich is the same, but I understand that keeping a relationship just for the sake of it is not good for anyone.
And my hope for this relationship is that I'll last as long as it makes us both happy, a time we really want to last for a good long while, since we really think this one is worth it.
[QUOTE=RocketRacer;45327792]I'm 17 and never had 'first kiss' not even talking about having a girlfriend.[/QUOTE]
Don't fret about it, I had my first kiss on a physics class (And I'm going to study astronomy in the university), it wasn't that big of a deal, and honestly, I barely remember the exact moment since she caught me off-guard.
you kissed on a physics class?
that defies physics in multiple ways
Sorry, you need to Log In to post a reply to this thread.
