• Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
    11,088 replies, posted
My first girlfriend just broke up with me 2 days ago after 4 years of heaven. She liked everything I did and was unique. We did everything together. i haven't eaten for 2 days and been doing nothing but cry my ass off. this is pathetic. i been thinking of killing myself too. I'm 20. I dont know what to do facepunch. talk to me please.
[QUOTE=loopoo;45429171]The thing is, he can be an asshole when he's sober too, but he's not an asshole to me. We get on well, we joke, we laugh and we have really good chats about stuff in general. But yeah, he can be an asshole to other people and it makes me uncomfortable, cause that's shit I don't do. So I awkwardly have to pacify the situation. He overreacts easily and gets sudden outbursts. I dunno, I think I'm gonna distance myself. When I go out with friends, I don't want to be on edge the entire time when we chat with other people. That's how he makes me feel, cause I'm always preparing to swoop in and calm him down when he inevitably gets pissed off.[/QUOTE] i have a friend like that i usually leave when he comes around and when he asks to get drunk or hang out i just say no i've had enough of his overreactions and overall assholeness to people, and he always wants to get drunk too there's being so honest that you seem like an asshole and then theres just being an asshole just to be one which my friend is obviously the latter and the same as your friend, he's never an asshole to me and we always have some good chats too, but his assholishness to others is just awful, and he whines about little tiny things like they're the biggest problem to him, then he storms off unlike you though i don't calm him down and let him rage and leave because i now dislike him as much as everyone else around him but he doesn't have any friends so i try to be one [I]sometimes[/I] other times i see him before he sees me and i just duck out of there(goes to my college)
Give him an advice that he can go far in life and has so much potential but his current attitude will prove to be a hindrance to that. If he is wise enough then he will heed to your saying. Just don't put it bluntly but in most amiable manner
he always wants to do things when we hang out too, like drink or party or anything like that, like he doesn't know that having friends means you don't do things [I]all the time[/I] cuz i like to party, but i don't want to party every week and get drunk with him like seriously can't we just sit here and [I]hang out[/I] it's like he can't just be comfortable sitting around and he treats me like we've known each other for years but really i've only known him for a couple of weeks i don't really want to be touched by a guy who smells like he doesn't bathe either and smells of alchohol and B/O seriously what is deodorant /rant
well don't do that bit, that's not good i'm terrible with trying to make people feel better but you said you'd kill yourself so i feel like i should try. every time you break up with someone there's a mourning period. that always happens. when i broke up with my first girlfriend i did the stereotypical teenager thing. i just sat and stared out a window in the rain and listened to sad music. in a way, it helped. there's really no good reaction to a breakup if it was a healthy relationship. but shit happens anyway. i know you're devastated, and that's probably not even close to the right word. you probably feel more like you're cracked in half, which is how i felt. the point is, i made it out of it. relationships are hard, and breakups are harder. it's sad and you think about her constantly, and then over the months you think about her less and less, and then you don't think about her at all, which is a new kind of sad. and then you see weird little things that remind you of her, like a plant she liked or someone walking by wearing the same perfume, and then you get sad again. but it's a good sad. the key is to remember the good things about your relationship but not to forget the bad things. if you only remember the good things you'll end up with a warped memory of your relationship. everyone has highs and lows and it's important to examine both, that way you're more in tune with what it is you want in a relationship. i know dating someone else seems like the last thing on your mind right now (and it probably won't be for a while), but when it does eventually come up you'll find someone who will fit what you need them to fit. plus you're only 20, i guarantee this isn't the worst thing that will ever happen to you. which probably isn't particularly helpful, but maybe it'll shed some light on the situation. if you're like me you're probably thinking "but you don't understand, what we had was different and special. how could you possibly be able to tell me that everything will be okay?" and the truth is it totally will be. take some time to mourn, there's nothing wrong with that. it's important to do. but also you can use it as time to improve things about yourself that she (or you) didn't like, and hten you'll be an even better boyfriend in the future. that was pretty fragmented and shitty but i kind of just kept giving advice when i thought of it so there's no particular structure to anthing I just said. hopefully someone else can give you better advice, but that's all i can do. sorry friend. i care about you even though i don't know you particularly well, and i don't think you should kill yourself. a lot of people would miss you.
Your friend sounds like a little bitch. The guy I know isn't a whinger, thankfully. He's just too aggressive and always wants to instigate shit. I am reminded of those guys who lose brothers or parents to tragedy and end up having anger issues. He's lost his brother and also some other family members, and I think it has exacerbated his previously manageable anger issues. I think I'll have a talk with him and tell him how I feel. I'll say if he can't change that about himself, then I'm not okay with chilling out with him.
Why eid you guys break up, if you don't mind me asking? [editline]18th July 2014[/editline] That was all directed at gurren lagann
[QUOTE=Zinayzen;45430430] relationships are hard, and breakups are harder. it's sad and you think about her constantly, and then over the months you think about her less and less, and then you don't think about her at all, which is a new kind of sad. and then you see weird little things that remind you of her, like a plant she liked or someone walking by wearing the same perfume, and then you get sad again. but it's a good sad. [/QUOTE] That's just so well expressed. By the way, for whom you wrote the response ?
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45430112]My first girlfriend just broke up with me 2 days ago after 4 years of heaven. She liked everything I did and was unique. We did everything together. i haven't eaten for 2 days and been doing nothing but cry my ass off. this is pathetic. i been thinking of killing myself too. I'm 20. I dont know what to do facepunch. talk to me please.[/QUOTE]
@GURREN LAGANN Just let it out. Cry for a while. Confide to your best friend. Let the emotions run dry. You will probably go through these 4 stages of denial, anger, bargain, depression and acceptance but you will come out as a much stronger willed person. There is so much to see, understand and do in your life. These memories of breakup will put a smile on your face a few years later.
Also if you want someone to talk to, PM me. I'm bad at advice but I'm good at listening.
How do I get over it faster? I don't know what to do right now. Thanks for the advice Zina. @Zina In the end after that long, her parents and religion are more important
Don't drink to help you get through it, that shit makes it worse. Plus, hangovers suck. Plus plus, don't wallow in it for too long. Been there, done that. It just prolongs unnecessary heartache. I was in a 3 and a half year relationship that ended. Zina is right about you eventually thinking about them less and less. It really does get easier. But you have to wade through all the shitty feelings first before it gets better.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45430659]How do I get over it faster? I don't know what to do right now. Thanks for the advice Zina. @Zina In the end after that long, her parents and religion are more important[/QUOTE] That sucks man, sorry to hear that. My relationship ended because she wanted to join a sorority known for partying and I thought it was a bad idea, so she broke up with me and then got boned by like twelve guys in four days her first week of college, so that was rough. If I knew a way to make it hurt less I would be a very rich man. Unfortunately people are emotional creatures and it's not that simple. You just have to plow your way through the pain. It'll suck for a long time and you won't be able to do much about it. All I can say is that killing yourself is not the answer and you'll hurt a lot of people that way. Especially her.
That's harsh. Yeah I just feel really hopeless. I feel like I won't be able to plow through this, and I'll be like this forever if I don't stop it.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45430659]How do I get over it faster? I don't know what to do right now. Thanks for the advice Zina. @Zina In the end after that long, her parents and religion are more important[/QUOTE] What works for me is keeping myself busy. I usually start cleaning like crazy whenever I'm upset, last time my bf and I had issues I was on my feet cleaning every inch of our apartment for 7 hours straight. If I'm in school at the time I'll usually just try to focus on getting homework done and staying on top of my classes (but that can end up being pretty frustrating if you're having a hard time focusing). It's incredibly difficult, but don't let what happened hurt other aspects of your life. It's easy to let other things slip when you're grieving, but being able to keep going in spite of your pain is what decides your success in school and work. [editline]18th July 2014[/editline] I don't know if it helps, but remember that a few years from now, you'll be happy. If she broke up with you then clearly it wasn't meant to be. Down the road, you're going to meet someone who makes you happier than you thought possible, who you don't have to worry about leaving. [editline]18th July 2014[/editline] Also, focus on the bad stuff in your relationship (for now, at least). When I broke up with my ex of 3 years, I started saving logs of the dumb arguments we had over Steam so I would remember just how unpleasant he was. If I ever felt down I would go back and look at them and remember that it was for the best. Trying to remember it as a perfect relationship might be the honorable thing to do, but it's probably better for your own happiness to focus on flaws. Just don't interact with her and don't get spiteful (and don't do what my ex did and post private photos on the internet...).
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45430954]That's harsh. Yeah I just feel really hopeless. I feel like I won't be able to plow through this, and I'll be like this forever if I don't stop it.[/QUOTE] Be strong mate, i lost somebody important (not a girlfriend but she was more than that to me) few years back for the most stupid reason ever and i can't blame anybody but me for that. I was broken for a ridiciously long time and i could say i still am to this day. But it does get better with time, there is stuff that's worth living for.
In a weird way I've always thought 500 days of summer is a good movie to examine breakups. When you're in it you're happy and everything is nice and fun and you only see the good, but then you break up and you're sad and you can only see the good and then it becomes anger and you only see the bad and then it becomes sad and you can't see anything, but ultimately you come out the other side. You end the relationship as a broken, miserable man, but you come out of it strong, having seen the situation for how it really was. Just be prepared to feel like shit for a while, and when you think you have it under control you'll have a random memory and then it'll trigger sadness again. Just know that you shouldn't run from your emotions and that everything will be okay for you sometime down the road. And we're here for you.
Yeah I'm seeing the trigger thing. That's just destroying me, like seeing all the books we read and paintings we did. This is unbearable. It's going to be rocky changing my mindset from thinking of her 24/7 and to not. I don't remember what I even thought about or did before I met her or how I was. It's been too long. I revolved my life around her, completely obsessed. I really am sleepy right now but I can't sleep, every time I close my eyes I see the things I did with her under my eyelids and it just triggers me into even more sadness.
Yeah, that happens. :( Sorry man. It's like being in a storm. It sucks but there's really nothing you can do about it, you're just a man and it's beyond your control. You can, however, take some precautions to at least make the storm less shitty while you're stuck in it. Get some exercise. Working out and getting blood pumping is good because it's healthy and it gets your brain off her. Keep yourself surrounded with friends, that way you're not alone with your thoughts. Other things I can't remember. You'll be okay, just go with the flow and don't get caught up in it.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45431827]Yeah I'm seeing the trigger thing. That's just destroying me, like seeing all the books we read and paintings we did. This is unbearable. It's going to be rocky changing my mindset from thinking of her 24/7 and to not. I don't remember what I even thought about or did before I met her or how I was. It's been too long. I revolved my life around her, completely obsessed. I really am sleepy right now but I can't sleep, every time I close my eyes I see the things I did with her under my eyelids and it just triggers me into even more sadness.[/QUOTE] Hanging out with friends is always the best solution, but when you can't, I like to think of something a little unconventional. The thing is, trying to do something else to take your mind off it is extremely difficult, and trying to think optimistically, no matter how logical you are, doesn't really speak to that sick feeling you have. You can get through it no problem just like everybody else but you wouldn't know it because your head is being a jerk and making you feel shitty. You'll have good days and bad days, and when you're having a really bad day, just remember that it is inevitable that you'll feel better and have a chance to think properly. Not because you were able to heroically will yourself to feel better, but because that's just what your head will do. Up and down. I know it's not particularly heart warming, but it was the one thing that made me feel a little better [i]in[/i] the moment.
Thanks for the tips everyone. I'm trying to keep all of this in mind. I feel excruciatingly more worst than before. I know that it's all my head, and it'll get better, and all that. I have been trying to exercise but I can't even get out of my house without some random fuck thing outside triggering memories. I don't know if I can make it. Suicide keeps presenting itself as the only solution, though I'm probably too pussy to do it and won't. I can't stop thinking about her and how perfect she is and how much fun it was. I keep checking back my phone expecting a text or a call from her, anything. I just wanted to know if it's normal to feel this suicidal? I mean it's bad but is it that bad when you guys had this happen? I'd love to hear some stories of how you felt through it.
no it is not normal and i actually suggest you talk to the suicide hotline
I wouldn't necessarily say NORMAL but I'd understand why you think that way. I would suggest you tell someone, though, because they'll be able to help you a lot more than we will. If anything, call the hotline. It's anonymous and they'll talk to you and be friendly and useful. I mean I don't want to say this because it's technically emotional blackmail, but considering you sound serious I feel like it's worth pointing out. If you DID kill yourself, you'd seriously hurt everyone you love and it's not really something you can recover from. Especially for your ex. Even if you didn't end on good terms, she cares about you as a person and if she found out that you killed yourself over her breaking up with you, that's a burden she'd have to carry for the rest of her life. Not to mention your family and close friends. My point is that you should definitely talk to someone if you can, it'll help.
Okay I'll give them a call later on when my mom's asleep. Thanks guys [editline]18th July 2014[/editline] And thanks Zina, you helped alot.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45434298]Thanks for the tips everyone. I'm trying to keep all of this in mind. I feel excruciatingly more worst than before. I know that it's all my head, and it'll get better, and all that. I have been trying to exercise but I can't even get out of my house without some random fuck thing outside triggering memories. I don't know if I can make it. Suicide keeps presenting itself as the only solution, even though I'm probably too pussy to do it. I can't stop thinking about her and how perfect she is and how much fun it was. I keep checking back my phone expecting a text or a call from her, anything. I just wanted to know if it's normal to feel this suicidal? I mean it's bad but is it that bad when you guys had this happen? I'd love to hear some stories of how you felt through it.[/QUOTE] Its not normal, although Ive had the same experience. Twice. (Woo for mental issues) If it keeps up then you should go talk to a psych, even if just for a few sessions thry might be able to help you vent it out and give advice to help move on
Don't think that it's normal to feel suicidal at all. This is obsession taken way too far. Seriously, she was not perfect and she's definitely not "the one", because there is no such thing. It's just the clouded vision after an emotional hit, that's not allowing you to see it. The world doesn't have Gods and Godesses, we're all just people. And none of us are flawless. Suicidal? I mean, come on. You live life for yourself, you are the core. You can't cling onto other people to lead you through. Trust me, that [B]never[/B] works. Right now, I'd try to stop being sad and start focusing on the anger (if there's any). Strangely enough, that proved to me as the safer option. If you're pissed off, you'll be more likely to actually vent (through doing stuff) instead of torturing yourself. This is premature, sure, but since you've already been in a relationship, it's pretty likely you'll eventually get together with someone else when this is all behind you. Life doesn't suddenly end when you break bonds with someone dear. It may hurt like a bitch, but it's never the final destination. Just one of the shitty things you just need to go through sometimes.
@GURREN LAGANN Congratulations, you are in the first stage i.e. denial. The more quickly you come to the last stage of acceptance the easier it will be for you. But I guess you should experience all stages if this is the first time. You will learn to be better next time coping up such thing. It's like getting inured to pain and looking at the broader scheme of the game.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45434342]Okay I'll give them a call later on when my mom's asleep. Thanks guys [editline]18th July 2014[/editline] And thanks Zina, you helped alot.[/QUOTE] No problem buddy. I've had my fair share of mental issues so I know what it's like to feel like you feel right now (not that I'm necessarily saying you have a mental issue) but hopefully it means I can help.
Is there a polite way to say that my girlfriend needs to go on a diet and exercise program? I mean, I'm still very attracted to her, and she's hardly fat yet, but our lifestyle since we moved in together has been totally sedentary, and with way, way too much junk food. We've both put on about fifteen pounds Her weight isn't yet an actual issue, but if we keep going at this rate, we'll both be fat by the end of the year. It's not just get, obviously! I want to get serious about this too! It's come up once or twice, about how we'd like to start eating right and moving more, but there's been no real motivation. She keeps baking cupcakes and bringing home ice cream, and, like, if somebody puts a cupcake or a bowl of ice cream in front me, I'm gonna eat that shit. I don't want it in the house, for both our sakes. I can motivate myself well enough, as long as she stops bringing junk food into the house, but I'm not sure how to approach trying to help motivate her without hurting her feelings. She wants to lose weight, and frequently gets depressed about the climbing scale, and I'm a bit scared that saying, "you know what? We DO need to get more serious about keeping our weight under control" would send her into a very deep funk.
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