Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
^^Go for cycling/running together.
[QUOTE=Big Dumb American;45434805]Is there a polite way to say that my girlfriend needs to go on a diet and exercise program? I mean, I'm still very attracted to her, and she's hardly fat yet, but our lifestyle since we moved in together has been totally sedentary, and with way, way too much junk food. We've both put on about fifteen pounds, and I want to lose weight as well. Her weight isn't yet an actual issue, but if we keep going at this rate, we'll both be fat by the end of the year. It's come up once or twice, about how we'd like to start eating right and moving more, but there's been no real motivation. She keeps baking cupcakes and bringing home ice cream, and, like, if somebody puts a cupcake or a bowl of ice cream in front me, I'm gonna eat that shit.
I can motivate myself well enough, as long as she stops bringing junk food into the house, but I'm not sure how to approach trying to help motivate her without hurting her feelings. She wants to lose weight, and frequently gets depressed about the climbing scale, and a bit scared that saying, "you know what? We DO need to get more serious about keeping our weight under control" would send her into a very deep funk.[/QUOTE]
Plan for yourself to do it and ask for her to help you and join you in it. Not in a way of saying she needs to but that is something you can do together. Even if she says she would rather not start doing the shopping and get healthy things to help yourself with it, in all likelyness she will probably join in given the opportunity. Sounds like your both probably playing off each other not doing it to not do it yourself, so even if she doesnt you should start.
I have no idea if that paragraph makes any sense. Im tired ok
(Also I think the only thing stopping my bf and I also doing something similar is that we have been too broke to afford junk food)
Yeah, we're definitely enabling each other a bit, but so are her parents and grandparents. They've been showering us with groceries, and while I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, very few of them are part of a balanced diet. While we need exercise, that's not going to help much if the bulk of our pantry space is taken up by pop tarts, Mac'n'cheese, and cupcake mix.
The single most important thing here is getting the junk food out of the house, and keeping it out. She keeps saying, "well we can't just throw it away! Let's eat what we have, and then we'll start doing better." Which would be okay, except we never fuckin run out.
Next time she's out somewhere, clean the whole thing out and when she asks why, say you found a lot of mold and had to get rid of it for safety.
Also try to exercise and include her in it, like they said.
Getting rid of unwanted food, first world problems.
Just take it all to the local food bank and give it to a charity.
I mean, I haven't had a proper shit in weeks. It's constantly at that "almost diarrhea" stage, because we have such a shitty diet here. Maybe getting rid of unwanted food seems petty, but man, I just want to poop right, feel healthy, and keep myself and my lady love in decent shape, so we still get all hot and bothered for each other. Is that so wrong?
You know what you should? You should just start training around the house. Cook yourself healthy food. Chances are, she will see you doing it, and she will definitely pick up on it. Like my dog picked up on us opening doors! He usually opens the door in the mornings and cuddles with me when I'm still half-awake half-asleep.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45434707]@GURREN LAGANN
Congratulations, you are in the first stage i.e. denial. The more quickly you come to the last stage of acceptance the easier it will be for you.
But I guess you should experience all stages if this is the first time. You will learn to be better next time coping up such thing. It's like getting inured to pain and looking at the broader scheme of the game.[/QUOTE]
How condescending.
If I was going through something that hard the last thing I'd like to hear is that I'm going to experience completly predictable stages, much less being congratulated.
I never personally thought that the stages of grief were aplicable to the whole population of the world, since everyone is different, also since he is having suicidal thoughts, I don't think it's aplicable in this case.
[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45435867]How condescending.[/QUOTE]
Still palatable.
BDA, did you girlfriend end up nabbing a job to help with the financial issues? It'd be nice to hear she overcame her fear of being in busy workplaces.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45436312]Still palatable.[/QUOTE]
What is wrong with you?
[QUOTE=loopoo;45436479]BDA, did you girlfriend end up nabbing a job to help with the financial issues? It'd be nice to hear she overcame her fear of being in busy workplaces.[/QUOTE]
Oh yeah, and she is actually doing great there! She got a job at a dog grooming salon and loves it. She deeply impressed her boss, the owner, and got promoted to full time within just a few weeks. She likes it so much that she's considering going to grooming school and pursuing it as a career.
She's been doing great with everything, really! She's become more confident, more independent, and more emotionally stable. She still has her bad days, but they're less and less frequent. Things are good between us and money is plentiful. I'm glad to be worrying about eating too much junk food again, because the main concern I had before was whether she'd be even be able to find the strength to get her feet under her, and those were some scary times for me. We're very happy, and things are looking good!
It's weird, but she also wants to be a cam girl on one of those live webcam sites. Like, she's seriously looked into it, and only hasn't jumped because we'd need to spend some money on a good camera and such first. I guess I'd be supportive if she did, because it doesn't bother me as long as she's comfortable with it, but I don't know if that's something I should actually be encouraging! Those girls make great money, but if she were making enough from that, then she'd almost definitely leave her job at the salon, and I'd way rather have less money now if it meant her developing some long term employment skills.
That's awesome to hear! Nice to see you're supportive of her. Glad things are going great for you.
Any changes with regards to the Marine Architecture dilemma you were having (was it Marine Architecture? I can't remember). I never stuck around long enough to see how it all panned out, and now that I've heard all the good news about your girlfriend and life and everything, it'd be pretty damn good to hear that you also had a nice outcome in terms of what you decided to study / if you decided to study your dream job.
[QUOTE=metallics;45436679]What is wrong with you?[/QUOTE]
Relatively.
[QUOTE=loopoo;45437732]That's awesome to hear! Nice to see you're supportive of her. Glad things are going great for you.
Any changes with regards to the Marine Architecture dilemma you were having (was it Marine Architecture? I can't remember). I never stuck around long enough to see how it all panned out, and now that I've heard all the good news about your girlfriend and life and everything, it'd be pretty damn good to hear that you also had a nice outcome in terms of what you decided to study / if you decided to study your dream job.[/QUOTE]
That I don't know about yet. Meeting her had obviously changed things, but I'm not sure how much. My future plans before were built around myself, but now I may have to consider the possibility of a family. My "dream job" wouldn't work like that. It'd require spending weeks at sea, leaving everything else behind, and I don't know that I could do that if I had more than just myself to look after. Either way, I've got the better part of a year left here to think about it. Luckily for me, I have no shortage of dream jobs. There are half a dozen things that I could see myself doing happily for the rest of my life. When push comes to shove, I'll just have to be ready to move forward with one.
[editline]19th July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=fritzel;45437874]Relatively.[/QUOTE]
Beep boop
I don't know about calling the hotline anymore, I don't want them sending police to my door if i sound any bit suicidal.
I finally got some sleep thanks to some benadryl and I felt okay when I woke up, but it sinks it again after a bit. Thanks again you guys I've been nothing but going back and reading your posts repeatedly, and it helps a bit.
I've started to clean out all the stuff we did and clean and it was painful but I've got alot of the stuff out now in a bag.
Oddly nighttime is when I feel the worse, I'm not looking forward to tonight.
@fritzel, I'm not sure what I'm denying here
The girl I asked out said yes :dance:
Not only yes :v:, but: "it would be lovely and fun". :dance:
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45439271]I don't know about calling the hotline anymore, I don't want them sending police to my door if i sound any bit suicidal.
I finally got some sleep thanks to some benadryl and I felt okay when I woke up, but it sinks it again after a bit. Thanks again you guys I've been nothing but going back and reading your posts repeatedly, and it helps a bit.
I've started to clean out all the stuff we did and clean and it was painful but I've got alot of the stuff out now in a bag.
Oddly nighttime is when I feel the worse, I'm not looking forward to tonight.
@fritzel, I'm not sure what I'm denying here[/QUOTE]
It's anonymous, they won't send police unless you're actively about to do it. You're not full on suicidal, it's not like they need to talk you off the ledge, figuratively speaking. But if you just need someone to talk to, it's not a bad idea.
Yeah it's going to suck for a long time, just keep reading what we're telling you and keep posting here, you won't annoy anyone. We've all been there.
I would suggest unfriending her on facebook, at least for the time being. You're probably not going to want to see any status updates, even if they're boring.
And yeah I'm pretty sure fritzel is a german robot.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45439271]I don't know about calling the hotline anymore, I don't want them sending police to my door if i sound any bit suicidal.
I finally got some sleep thanks to some benadryl and I felt okay when I woke up, but it sinks it again after a bit. Thanks again you guys I've been nothing but going back and reading your posts repeatedly, and it helps a bit.
I've started to clean out all the stuff we did and clean and it was painful but I've got alot of the stuff out now in a bag.
Oddly nighttime is when I feel the worse, I'm not looking forward to tonight.
@fritzel, I'm not sure what I'm denying here[/QUOTE]
Whatever you do, please don't unload on your ex and tell her you feel suicidal. It'll only make her feel awful. Keep that to yourself, vent here and if it gets worse, call the suicide hotline. If you tell your ex you feel suicidal, you'll genuinely look back once you're over her and cringe at the fact you told her that.
In general I'd suggest just not talking to her for a while, regardless of what you talk about.
Not like I could, she blocked me and removed me already and stuff.
I think I heard some one said that I can get over her, but i'll never be able to forget. Does that mean that a year from now I'm going to see something that makes me remember her and still get sad and depressed? Or no
[QUOTE=Zinayzen;45439568]It's anonymous, they won't send police unless you're actively about to do it. You're not full on suicidal, it's not like they need to talk you off the ledge, figuratively speaking. But if you just need someone to talk to, it's not a bad idea.
Yeah it's going to suck for a long time, just keep reading what we're telling you and keep posting here, you won't annoy anyone. We've all been there.
I would suggest unfriending her on facebook, at least for the time being. You're probably not going to want to see any status updates, even if they're boring.
And yeah I'm pretty sure fritzel is a german robot.[/QUOTE]
Don't unfriend her. That will just create a lot more misunderstandings. Block the updates from her facebook feed or just stop using facebook for a while.
Also, the denial is in part that you will still feel that everything will somehow mend itself like a miracle. Treading on a thin string of hope.
You need to pick up a long term hobby to keep you busy.
[editline]20th July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45439720]Not like I could, she blocked me and removed me already and stuff.
I think I heard some one said that I can get over her, but i'll never be able to forget. Does that mean that a year from now I'm going to see something that makes me remember her and still get sad and depressed? Or no[/QUOTE]
Dude, that's harsh on here side to block you. That doesn't solve the problem.
A year from now you will remember it like sweet memories with a pinch of sadness but that will still be sweet as whole.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45439720]Not like I could, she blocked me and removed me already and stuff.
I think I heard some one said that I can get over her, but i'll never be able to forget. Does that mean that a year from now I'm going to see something that makes me remember her and still get sad and depressed? Or no[/QUOTE]
Sorry if I didn't read properly, but why did she break up with you?
[QUOTE=loopoo;45439986]Sorry if I didn't read properly, but why did she break up with you?[/QUOTE]
Parents and religion priorities.
How do I become less of a pessimistic and insufferable cunt? I've said maybe three words today to my roommate, and just flat out ignore people when they say anything to me. Can't bring myself to even acknowledge them, which is very counter productive considering I'm in a foul mood because of my lack of company. I'm guessing that's the case at least.
I'm too young to be this bitter towards people.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45439720]Not like I could, she blocked me and removed me already and stuff.
I think I heard some one said that I can get over her, but i'll never be able to forget. Does that mean that a year from now I'm going to see something that makes me remember her and still get sad and depressed? Or no[/QUOTE]
Either way that's for the best. I doubt she did it out of malice, she probably just got the same advice we did. It's also possible her parents pressured her into it, which is unfortunate.
It's like I said before. You break up and then you think of her constantly, and it sucks and it hurts. Eventually you start to only think of her some of the time, and it hurts a bit less. As time goes on you think of her less and less, and then you realize you haven't thought about her at all, which is also sad, but in a different way. You'll always see things that remind you of her, that's inevitable. A certain streetlight you guys stood under when she said something special, that one restaurant you got food poisoning at and she made fun of you for, the smell of burnt toast that reminds you that she's a terrible cook. That video game she was inexplicably better at than you. But that's not a bad thing, it's a good thing.
[QUOTE=littlefoot;45440040]How do I become less of a pessimistic and insufferable cunt? I've said maybe three words today to my roommate, and just flat out ignore people when they say anything to me. Can't bring myself to even acknowledge them, which is very counter productive considering I'm in a foul mood because of my lack of company. I'm guessing that's the case at least.
I'm too young to be this bitter towards people.[/QUOTE]
Try saying yes to more things, like going out and doing something, unless you think those things are actually bad for you. Make sure to look up at the someone who is talking as well. I don't know anything about your roommate situation, so I can't say much else.
Does anyone else play out past scenarios (or just completely hypothetical scenarios) in their head involving an idealised version of themselves, and then feeling shit about about how far this ideal self is from reality?
This is such a shitty ride. I did so much with her that pretty much everything reminds me of her. I feel as worst if not worst than I did 2 days ago. the fight is really tough
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