Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT
11,088 replies, posted
[QUOTE=FlashMarsh;45450344]ffs stop giving such awful condescending advice[/QUOTE]
Not that I think his point is valid or anything, but how is it condescending? It's just immature, like Oscar said.
Trigger warning:
Possibly condescending
Based on simple user input and impressions.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45450284]I've been trying to play some online games to help and it does take my mind off her when during the game. I've also been cleaning like Guy suggested. It still hurts a truck ton if I think about her, or if I do as something as to open my fridge and see a food that she loved it just tears me apart. [/QUOTE]
Try doing more constructive actions instead, the cleaning is good, but staring at the fridge or playing games to forget is probably something you should hold off until you are over this rough patch. And try to reflect on why random food reminds you of her, because it's most likely you are obsessing over her, yet find it easier to blame an inanimate object instead.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45450284]Suicide still exists as a very nice option too, which I can't get out of my mind. I should probably see a psychiatrist later seeing how many of you said that it's abnormal. [/QUOTE]
It takes something to be fundamentally wrong with you to even say that, and you shouldn't underestimate such a thought. Don't see a psychiatrist later, see a psychiatrist now, because the idea that your life is over because of a girl in your twenties is incredibly shortsighted, and something you really will need professional help with.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45450284]
I really miss her right now and I want her back talking to me and doing stuff we usually would do. I often wonder about her during the middle of something and wonder she's doing and what kind of a guy she'll get with in the future. How she'll be a shit.[/QUOTE]
Can't you hang out with friends and family? Ofcourse your personal life changes after a breakup, but a partner shouldn't be 100% of your social life, because that alone could make that partner incredibly uncomfortable over time.
Thinking her next boyfriend will be shit is just tragic. At one point you're glorifying her, the next moment you're saying she can't find someone better than you. Try to improve your own life instead of slightly wishing her life is worse without you.
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45450284]
I've also googled for some addition advice and I ran into people never forgetting about their ex for over year spans and still feel shit about it, and that scares me to death.[/QUOTE]
Look, you really don't want to take advice from someone in the same position, but someone who has gone through the same thing [I]and made it[/I]
[QUOTE=GURREN LAGANN;45450284]Also any tips on eating? I haven't been hungry still and I've tried eating my favorite foods or something simple but I just start feeling insanely nauseated and sick after a bite.[/QUOTE]
Make sure you get enough water each day, and try to have an apple now and then. Unless you are really underweight, eating clean in this period wont hurt at all, but if your body doesn't have water and some energy, or a load of junk food, all this will feel a lot worse to you.
in a way i understand what he means when he says that "suicide is a nice option", it feels like a power down button, like "well if i just do this i won't feel bad" type of thing but that's not what it is at all
ignoring the fact that doing that will irreparably destroy the lives of everyone close to you, you'll regret it anyway
there are a lot of suicides in san fransisco every year. most of them do it by jumping off the golden gate bridge. statistically, not many survive. most of them either die on impact because at that height it's like jumping onto concrete, or they don't die and they can't breathe because they jsut crushed their own ribcage so they don't even get to drown, they just flat out suffocate. but the few that do it and survive...those are the important ones. every single person that's ever survived said that they regretted jumping. apparently after you pull the trigger (metaphorically speaking) you realize that every mistake you've made and everything that made you feel bad is something you can fix. the one thing you can't fix is jumping off the bridge.
my point is, i know it SEEMS like a solution, but it's really not. it's an even bigger problem, it just has a rather immediate resolution. and not a good one.
plus there's a rather high chance you mess it up and just permanently injure yourself which is even worse
Again, it's really shortsighted, and not a thought people should embrace. If you're able to post on facepunch, chances are, you're able to do something about anything, especially to improve your life. Just remember that here's always going to be something that happens next in your life, so giving up on life because you lost your girlfriend of four years will sound [I]pathetic[/I] to you once you grow up. Four years is not even a [I]tenth[/I] of a human life in a first world country, so why would you throw everything away because you lost a little?
Offtopic;
I guess it would be [I]slightly insensitive [/I]to bungee jump off the golden gate bridge, but I think it would be pretty eye-opening.
[QUOTE=loopoo;45450514]Not that I think his point is valid or anything, but how is it condescending? It's just immature, like Oscar said.[/QUOTE]
I was referring to his previous comment
i mean when your advice is worse than stuff I would give as someone who has never been in a proper relationship you should give up
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45449783]Do you actually have to back it up though? All my contacts just save to my google account.[/QUOTE]
Not by default in my phone. I have to select google account before saving numbers, otherwise it goes to phone memory.
[editline]21st July 2014[/editline]
For once, suicide is not easy.
[editline]21st July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=FlashMarsh;45451446]I was referring to his previous comment
i mean when your advice is worse than stuff I would give as someone who has never been in a proper relationship you should give up[/QUOTE]
It's like I have to carry the stigma of acting like a condescending fool with the mere act of play with words for my entire stay in this forum to a particular set of users.
Can't really help with that. Not everyone will perceive your point in same intonation. There will always be people who have pretty low threshold to where the lines are drawn for condescending gesture.
[editline]21st July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45451264]
Offtopic;
I guess it would be [I]slightly insensitive [/I]to bungee jump off the golden gate bridge, but I think it would be pretty eye-opening.[/QUOTE]
Reading Stardust or watching the same movie will be more alleviating and easier to do.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45451967]
It's like I have to carry the stigma of acting like a condescending fool with the mere act of play with words for my entire stay in this forum to a particular set of users.
Can't really help with that. Not everyone will perceive your point in same intonation. There will always be people who have pretty low threshold to where the lines are drawn for condescending gesture.
[/QUOTE]
That's not how it works. Hardly anyone is thinking about previous posts, it's just that every time you post it becomes more and more obvious that you don't know what you're talking about, and at some points it looks like you haven't even met a girl before. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just that it's better if you work on it yourself instead of bringing up this stuff as advice.
It's like killuah and zero-point, they keep pretending they get pissed on for their previous posts without considering if their new post is equally shit to their previous.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45451967]Reading Stardust or watching the same movie will be more alleviating and easier to do.[/QUOTE]
How the fuck will reading generic fantasy novels sort out someone who's tossing around the idea of suicide??
[QUOTE=Disseminate;45456462]How the fuck will reading generic fantasy novels sort out someone who's tossing around the idea of suicide??[/QUOTE]
Holy shit. I can't stop laughing.
[QUOTE=Disseminate;45456462]How the fuck will reading generic fantasy novels sort out someone who's tossing around the idea of suicide??[/QUOTE]
Yeah, it's pretty generic just like your generalization.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45456702]Yeah, it's pretty generic just like your generalization.[/QUOTE]
[i]what generalization????????[/i]
^This is going to be good.
Front row center.
[QUOTE=fritzel;45456702]Yeah, it's pretty generic just like your generalization.[/QUOTE]
"I know you're suicidal and all, but I just read this really great book that I think you should check out..."
Do you seriously not see the problem with your attitude?
not only that but it's a fantasy romance novel
i mean dude come on
do i hook up with a girl y/n?
[QUOTE=Clovernoodle;45457990]do i hook up with a girl y/n?[/QUOTE]
well written descriptive question. i'm sure i can make a better call on this than you can now.
[editline]21st July 2014[/editline]
this is my way of saying: elaborate
[QUOTE=Clovernoodle;45457990]do i hook up with a girl y/n?[/QUOTE]
well theres a lot of important factors here.
is the butt fat?
would you like the butt to be fat?
would you need to keep the hookup secret to avoid embarrasement?
is she your step sister?
do you know how to use a condom?
[QUOTE=Zar;45458007]well written descriptive question. i'm sure i can make a better call on this than you can now.
[editline]21st July 2014[/editline]
this is my way of saying: elaborate[/QUOTE]
Sorry. It was supposed to be a semi-joke post but I've been giving it more and more thought lately so
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45458083]well theres a lot of important factors here.
is the butt fat?
would you like the butt to be fat?
would you need to keep the hookup secret to avoid embarrasement?
is she your step sister?
do you know how to use a condom?[/QUOTE]
butt is fattest i have ever seen
I would like the butt to be fat
i'd be more ashamed of myself than embarrassed.
she is not my step sister
I do kind of know how to use a condom but sweet jesus I'm not going that far
Never ever ever been into hookups. Told myself never be into them. Just keep everything special and romantic.
Been single after my first love for about a year now. Spending the rest of the month and most of August at home and then going back to college 3k miles away. Don't want to start up anything long-term before I leave. Been telling myself that nothing short-term is worth it either because a.) that's just another thing that you might have trouble letting go of when you go back to college and b.) it literally goes against your morals you've had your whole life keep it in your pants you horny bastard you can control it.
But after being told my a mutual friend last night that continuing to romantically pursue a friend in college who rejected my advances once (Which sucks because she's pretty close to perfect) could irrevocably damage our friendship which we've built up wonderfully after the rejection, I'm kinda thinking to myself
"fuck it I don't care I just want to make the fuck out with someone and maybe touch a butt."
I sort of bit the bullet and stopped umming and ahhing over it. There's a few weeks left before we graduate so I asked the girl out I kinda am interested in tomorrow. Told her the weather's been great so we should grab icecream. I've been deliberating for ages about whether or not to make a move, since I'm not interested in a relationship with her. Gonna see how things go tomorrow and just take it as it comes. Figured I'm tired as fuck of deliberating over this, so might as well just act and see how this shit pans out.
[QUOTE=Clovernoodle;45458126]Sorry. It was supposed to be a semi-joke post but I've been giving it more and more thought lately so
butt is fattest i have ever seen
I would like the butt to be fat
i'd be more ashamed of myself than embarrassed.
she is not my step sister
I do kind of know how to use a condom but sweet jesus I'm not going that far
Never ever ever been into hookups. Told myself never be into them. Just keep everything special and romantic.
Been single after my first love for about a year now. Spending the rest of the month and most of August at home and then going back to college 3k miles away. Don't want to start up anything long-term before I leave. Been telling myself that nothing short-term is worth it either because a.) that's just another thing that you might have trouble letting go of when you go back to college and b.) it literally goes against your morals you've had your whole life keep it in your pants you horny bastard you can control it.
But after being told my a mutual friend last night that continuing to romantically pursue a friend in college who rejected my advances once (Which sucks because she's pretty close to perfect) could irrevocably damage our friendship which we've built up wonderfully after the rejection, I'm kinda thinking to myself
"fuck it I don't care I just want to make the fuck out with someone and maybe touch a butt."[/QUOTE]
Uhhhh
So you want to make out with a girl, not hook up with a girl.
Super long post warning ahead, thank you if you read it, and thank you if you have any advice to give in this situation.
This was my first relationship, ever. I had my first everything with this girl. I liked her, a lot. We saw eye to eye on everything. We went to dinners, we went out to events, movies, we did photography together, we had so much together. My family loved her. Her family loved me. We both did things with our families. I shoveled their driveway in the winter, I helped make dinner.. She did a bunch with mine as well.
Then I personally hit a rough patch, I became manically depressed. She tried to tough it out with me, but.. I just did not think straight. I .. Broke up with her. At the last moment, the irrational decision I made, deleting her from everything.. Except Facebook. I stopped at that, because I knew it was wrong, what I did. I felt it. Everything just broke apart.
We tried to mend it. I tried to mend it my best, I got a job. I worked my ass off, 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to get to see her on the weekends. We laughed, we talked, I took pictures of her. It eventually ended up going toward kissing, and cuddling together. Then .. It progressed into more. Well, just a couple weeks ago.. I dropped her off at the bus station. The driver of the bus pulled up and said; "Don't worry, you'll see her again!" Which keeps replaying in my head. Then something happened, we were playing a game.. And I just didn't want to play anymore, so I gave up in the match. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. But she took it as me returning back to my old way.
Which.. Made her want to take space away from me. With no contact. It broke my heart.
I told her I love her on Skype before we said Good bye one last time. She said it back.
Now I talked to her again.. And she says she still loves me.. But she doesn't want to, because she'll be hurt again, that I haven't changed. I have changed, I regretted things I did in the relationship. I am making improvements toward myself for the better, but.. She doesn't believe me. I tried to explain.
I added people that I was rude to, that were her friends, and apologized to them. I tried to explain.. Her last message was just; "Please refrain from talking to me for now" Which I did. I told her from the bottom of my heart, I'd never hurt her again. That I love her. That was it.
Now it feels like I've lost her, for good. I .. Cannot place my emotions..
Ever since our no contact, I've been busy making a gift for my ex. A memory gift, something that was combined from her gift, and something I made to collaborate the two together.
I was told not to venture off to the ex's house, or not to go anywhere near, and that it was all over. Well after a couple weeks, and a good amount of time spent making a frame made from logs of wood, for a picture frame, that can be hung up on a wall. I decided to drive an hour to her house. I was nervous, it could have gone one way or the other.
She seemed happy to see me, despite being sick. She was even wearing the Pandora bracelet with the charms still on it that I got for Valentines day. I gave her the gift, and decided to part my way. Then I started driving off, and kind of.. Just thought, why didn't I say it? So I came back, knocked on the door(I felt like an idiot, but I had to do it). She came out, and I said I loved her. She replied; "I know.." then reached out with her arms, and gave me a hug, then started crying. We hugged for a decent while, to which I then parted my way for good and went back home.
She is still preferring that we keep our distances, I don't know for how long, which is killing me and I do not know an answer if she just wants to move on from me, if she's bored of me.. I just don't know.
There is a lot more too it, but it'd be an even longer post. The relationship I had was the one I could have only dreamed of.
Right now I am thinking that I should just leave her be, and let her come to me. But.. I don't know how long I should wait to know if it's over for sure, or how long to wait to see if I can ask her out for a drink or something. Bah.
[QUOTE=Clovernoodle;45458126]Sorry. It was supposed to be a semi-joke post but I've been giving it more and more thought lately so
butt is fattest i have ever seen
I would like the butt to be fat
i'd be more ashamed of myself than embarrassed.
she is not my step sister
I do kind of know how to use a condom but sweet jesus I'm not going that far
Never ever ever been into hookups. Told myself never be into them. Just keep everything special and romantic.
Been single after my first love for about a year now. Spending the rest of the month and most of August at home and then going back to college 3k miles away. Don't want to start up anything long-term before I leave. Been telling myself that nothing short-term is worth it either because a.) that's just another thing that you might have trouble letting go of when you go back to college and b.) it literally goes against your morals you've had your whole life keep it in your pants you horny bastard you can control it.
But after being told my a mutual friend last night that continuing to romantically pursue a friend in college who rejected my advances once (Which sucks because she's pretty close to perfect) could irrevocably damage our friendship which we've built up wonderfully after the rejection, I'm kinda thinking to myself
"fuck it I don't care I just want to make the fuck out with someone and maybe touch a butt."[/QUOTE]
Just to clarify, she isn't your stepsister?
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45458381]Uhhhh
So you want to make out with a girl, not hook up with a girl.[/QUOTE]
tbh hooking up I guess means different things to different people. I've heard it mean anything from kissing to one night stand to habitual sex. I want the first.
[QUOTE=FlashMarsh;45458528]Just to clarify, she isn't your stepsister?[/QUOTE]
She is not
[QUOTE=FlashMarsh;45458528]Just to clarify, she isn't your stepsister?[/QUOTE]
no that was halodude
speaking of which i wish he would post again
[QUOTE=Covalent;45458486]Super long post warning ahead, thank you if you read it, and thank you if you have any advice to give in this situation.
This was my first relationship, ever. I had my first everything with this girl. I liked her, a lot. We saw eye to eye on everything. We went to dinners, we went out to events, movies, we did photography together, we had so much together. My family loved her. Her family loved me. We both did things with our families. I shoveled their driveway in the winter, I helped make dinner.. She did a bunch with mine as well.
Then I personally hit a rough patch, I became manically depressed. She tried to tough it out with me, but.. I just did not think straight. I .. Broke up with her. At the last moment, the irrational decision I made, deleting her from everything.. Except Facebook. I stopped at that, because I knew it was wrong, what I did. I felt it. Everything just broke apart.
We tried to mend it. I tried to mend it my best, I got a job. I worked my ass off, 10 hours a day for 5 days a week to get to see her on the weekends. We laughed, we talked, I took pictures of her. It eventually ended up going toward kissing, and cuddling together. Then .. It progressed into more. Well, just a couple weeks ago.. I dropped her off at the bus station. The driver of the bus pulled up and said; "Don't worry, you'll see her again!" Which keeps replaying in my head. Then something happened, we were playing a game.. And I just didn't want to play anymore, so I gave up in the match. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. But she took it as me returning back to my old way.
Which.. Made her want to take space away from me. With no contact. It broke my heart.
I told her I love her on Skype before we said Good bye one last time. She said it back.
Now I talked to her again.. And she says she still loves me.. But she doesn't want to, because she'll be hurt again, that I haven't changed. I have changed, I regretted things I did in the relationship. I am making improvements toward myself for the better, but.. She doesn't believe me. I tried to explain.
I added people that I was rude to, that were her friends, and apologized to them. I tried to explain.. Her last message was just; "Please refrain from talking to me for now" Which I did. I told her from the bottom of my heart, I'd never hurt her again. That I love her. That was it.
Now it feels like I've lost her, for good. I .. Cannot place my emotions..
Ever since our no contact, I've been busy making a gift for my ex. A memory gift, something that was combined from her gift, and something I made to collaborate the two together.
I was told not to venture off to the ex's house, or not to go anywhere near, and that it was all over. Well after a couple weeks, and a good amount of time spent making a frame made from logs of wood, for a picture frame, that can be hung up on a wall. I decided to drive an hour to her house. I was nervous, it could have gone one way or the other.
She seemed happy to see me, despite being sick. She was even wearing the Pandora bracelet with the charms still on it that I got for Valentines day. I gave her the gift, and decided to part my way. Then I started driving off, and kind of.. Just thought, why didn't I say it? So I came back, knocked on the door(I felt like an idiot, but I had to do it). She came out, and I said I loved her. She replied; "I know.." then reached out with her arms, and gave me a hug, then started crying. We hugged for a decent while, to which I then parted my way for good and went back home.
She is still preferring that we keep our distances, I don't know for how long, which is killing me and I do not know an answer if she just wants to move on from me, if she's bored of me.. I just don't know.
There is a lot more too it, but it'd be an even longer post. The relationship I had was the one I could have only dreamed of.
Right now I am thinking that I should just leave her be, and let her come to me. But.. I don't know how long I should wait to know if it's over for sure, or how long to wait to see if I can ask her out for a drink or something. Bah.[/QUOTE]
Usually I would say that you should avoid any sort of relationships with an ex with a fucking ten foot pole but this sounds like it could be different to normal. Still be careful though
It sounds like she should avoid the relationship with a ten foot pole. I'd be [I]incredibly [/I]cautious about resuming a relationship with someone who can go manically depressed and dump me out of the blue.
I mean, it's [I]great [/I]that she tried to help you, a lot of people would bail at that point, but if she fears that you might end up dumping her again the next time stuff starts to get weird, she doesn't have a lot of reasons to get back together again.
I really reccomend you try to work on what made you so depressed, because there's not much point in clinging onto someone you dumped like that.
[editline]21st July 2014[/editline]
[QUOTE=Zinayzen;45459269]no that was halodude
speaking of which i wish he would post again[/QUOTE]
Was haloguy (I really thought his name was halodude too, weird.)
[QUOTE=FlashMarsh;45459307]Usually I would say that you should avoid any sort of relationships with an ex with a fucking ten foot pole but this sounds like it could be different to normal. Still be careful though[/QUOTE]
You know, if it was any other circumstance where we had a horrible fight, or something bad happened, I'd understand it more. But it seems like she still likes me, and has feelings for me. I don't know, and I think that's what is beckoning me.
[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45459447]It sounds like she should avoid the relationship with a ten foot pole. I'd be [I]incredibly [/I]cautious about resuming a relationship with someone who can go manically depressed and dump me out of the blue.
I mean, it's [I]great [/I]that she tried to help you, a lot of people would bail at that point, but if she fears that you might end up dumping her again the next time stuff starts to get weird, she doesn't have a lot of reasons to get back together again.
I really reccomend you try to work on what made you so depressed, because there's not much point in clinging onto someone you dumped like that.[/QUOTE]
It wasn't out of the blue, I told her why, and my reasoning. I also apologized profusely. I sought help by calling therapists, and going through some psychiatric help. Which did help, most definitely. I would like to say I'm a lot better and more optimistic(as much as one can be when faced with a situation like this).
I know she fears it, and I don't blame her for doing that. She is going to college really soon, and she's had her mother behind her saying that she'd be disappointed in getting back with me this soon after breaking up. That she should make a more clear decision.
I also told her that I swore on my own life, and from the bottom of my heart that I'd bring no harm to her again. She doesn't have to believe that, of course. But I just don't know how to approach the situation in any other way. I know I won't break up with her, or do anything bad to her, if we got back together, EVER. I didn't cheat on her, or abuse her, ever. I always told her she looked beautiful.
Although, her past with exes may have led to what she's doing now. She had one that used to abuse her physically, one that told her she looked horrible, and was kind of meh in bed. One that cheated on her, and then you have me, dumped her when it was getting tough for me.
I wrote a note that she may, or may not have read, or even destroyed my gift/note. I don't know. I'd just like to know if she's wanting to move on from me, or maybe try again and give me a second chance, because I know it'll be better this time around.
Are you sure you're ready for a relationship? Stuff like
[QUOTE] I know I won't break up with her, or do anything bad to her, if we got back together, EVER. [/QUOTE]
sort of triggers warnings for me but what do i know
That's because it just sounds desperate
[QUOTE=Covalent;45459553]You know, if it was any other circumstance where we had a horrible fight, or something bad happened, I'd understand it more. But it seems like she still likes me, and has feelings for me. I don't know, and I think that's what is beckoning me.[/QUOTE]
You can't appreciate how hard it is to love someone who's depressed until you've been on that side of your situation. She didn't just leave because she thought you weren't worth it, but probably because she realized that staying with you wouldn't be healthy for her. It's incredibly painful to have to watch someone you care about suffer and know that you're powerless to helping them.
Promising you aren't going to hurt her again doesn't solve anything. Just because you don't externalize whatever you're going through doesn't mean it isn't still going to be there, and definitely doesn't mean she won't know you're in pain.
[editline]21st July 2014[/editline]
Instead of focusing on her you need to focus on yourself. If you can find ways to control your depression, then it will be easier for someone to be in a relationship with you (not necessarily your ex). See a therapist if you feel like you didn't get enough from your previous experiences with them and start focusing on your personal health. It might not completely go away but you might be able to find ways to deal with it when it gets particularly bad.
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