Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT - General - Facepunch Forum

Super Friendly Social and Love Advice V6 - JUST FUCKING ASK HER OUT

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[QUOTE=fritzel;45482289]He will still be living his own life and will probably feel much better. Feelings are meant to be let out. The more you keep it in, the stronger it grows.[/QUOTE] It grows if you keep hoping for it. If you're able to accept that something isn't going to happen, you'll get over it much faster. [editline]23rd July 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45482499]But there was no way to see if guy was talking to haloguy or hanalei :v:[/QUOTE] I was responding to Haloguy's post. [editline]23rd July 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45482499]It's going to sound desperate, because it is. And it's disturbing to be told stuff like that. "Hey, you might not have considered it, but in the last four months I have been thinking so much about you and how much I like you, I think you should try being my boy/girlfriend" That, coming from someone you don't want to date, puts you in a really awkward position, and is why a lot of girls simply stop talking to certain guys. It gets fucking annoying, as now you know that person isn't doing things to be your nice friend, but to get in your pants one way or another(when you specificall don't want them to).[/QUOTE] I was thinking of it more like, if she's avoiding him because she can tell he's attracted to her, then he could clear things up by saying he was a bit confused but realized that he really likes her as a friend and make it clear that it's in a platonic way.

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45482499]It's going to sound desperate, because it is. And it's disturbing to be told stuff like that. "Hey, you might not have considered it, but in the last four months I have been thinking so much about you and how much I like you, I think you should try being my boy/girlfriend" That, coming from someone you don't want to date, puts you in a really awkward position, and is why a lot of girls simply stop talking to certain guys. It gets fucking annoying, as now you know that person isn't doing things to be your nice friend, but to get in your pants one way or another(when you specificall don't want them to). [/QUOTE] I wouldn't say like that. Because for me it's not about becoming boyfriend or getting in her pants. That's really immature thinking because life is greater than that. [editline]24th July 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45482551]It grows if you keep hoping for it. If you're able to accept that something isn't going to happen, you'll get over it much faster. [/QUOTE] Uncertainties sure add up to the hope. Accepting is easy once you face it.

But you can't be sure it isn't, the point I'm trying to get through is that: -If she kinda likes him too, him telling her that would confuse, and maybe hurt her since she's in a currently working relstionship. -She could cheat on her boyfriend, wich would fuck up her relationship and give him a red flag screaming that he shouldn't trust her at all -She's not into him at all, and nothing terribly awful happens. As you see, is a risk withouth reward that can fuck her up too. Also I personally don't regret anything, I'm in a happy relationship because of all the mistakes and wise desicions I've made and leatned from. [editline]24th July 2014[/editline] But, you might be right that feelings shoudn't be keep for yourself, because that never leads to nothing, but one should ALWAYS take the other person in account.

Thank you guys for the replies. The biggest problem is that we are really close friends. she says a lot about herself family and friends, but she never talks about his bf with me. I dont know how their releationship is doing. but as from other people said its pretty strange relationship. i could move on if i wouldnt be so close friends with her. yes i understand how bad it would be to tell her my feelings. for now i will try not to do anything and see if i can find better way. maybe i will find other girl.

[QUOTE=haloguy234;45481656]So I think I finally figured out why I've been feeling so conflicted with my particular situation. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not interested in a physical relationship with her. I've only ever wanted what we currently have; which is an [I]extremely[/I] close friendship. Now, I'll admit, I do admire her. I have a crush on her, that's pretty much it. Crushing on someone doesn't necessarily mean you're interested in pursuing a full-fledged relationship with them. It just means you really, really like them and enjoy being around them or like to think about them a lot. So, anyway, she and I are really close. I can't even put it into words just how incredibly close we are. However, as of the last week or so, she's become distant. Rather rapidly, actually. I then learned she had been communicating with an ex-boyfriend who lives in town, and they started hanging out. Around the time that she became distant from me, she was talking to him. That's when I started to get all of these conflicting feelings. I guess I feel threatened and jealous because I feel like he's a temporary replacement for the closeness that she and I share. That makes sense, right? The problem here is there's nothing I can do about it. I pretty much have to sit by and watch the two of them do whatever and there's no way I can express a distaste for it, or else I'll arouse suspicion. While I know for sure that I'm not after anything more than what we already have, it might look really odd that I'd be getting so worked up over her hanging out with an ex-boyfriend. It'd look like I was interested in becoming romantically involved with her. Do you guys think I should say something? It's gotten to the point where I can't even process the feelings I have. I've been spending a lot of my nights by myself again, with nobody to talk to. Shit kinda sucks. Pretty much been drinking myself to sleep now. Not getting blackout drunk, but the fuzzy warm border between loose and drunk. I just really want someone to talk to, and I'd like to be able to talk to her again, but she seems so detached from me now that we can't talk like we used to. I really don't like it. I know that the answer is going to be "just move on and forget about her", but that's easier said than done. I'm really just looking for some advice on exactly how to do that. I really don't have a whole lot of time to go and meet new people and make friends again. I'm working a lot, and when I'm off work, it's usually too late in the evening for me to want to do anything social anyway. I also work on Saturdays, so basically my only free day is Sunday. And last I checked, not a whole heck of a lot of social events take place on a Sunday.[/QUOTE] To take an entirely different line than talking about your odd relationship with her I'm going to go with "You need to have more than one person to be dependent on". You can't have one person be who your life revolves around and the only person you communicate and are even decently close to. That doesn't even work in relationships let alone friendships, and that sort of one-sided dependence just does not work. I'll provide an example which reminds me a bit of your situation, actually a lot now that I think about it. The difference being I was on the other side of it to you. So all through Middle and High school I was close with one other girl, he had social anxiety and depression and simply put had trouble making friends and approaching new people(among many other emotional issues). I was good mutual friends with her for years, and other people would drift in and out of our friend group but they were always more my friends than hers, I was always the one pulling the groups together. This was fine for some time, and the main part that won't apply to your situation specifically is that I would always have to help her out of emotional issues but when I started having my own? I got nothing back. I got frustrated with her about it (although I couldn't say it of course else she would get depressed etc). My paying attention to her because I was her only friend and she wanted more attention is literally what ruined one of my long term relationships, because I couldn't spend enough time with my own boyfriend without her getting jealous. This all came to a head when I met my current boy friend, and although I still hung out with her on a regular basis she started telling me how she was jealous and wanted me to hang out with her more and basically spend all my time with her and none with him (Whom I was still trying to get with at that point), In short I finally put my foot down, told her she wasn't allowed to run my life for her convenience. (In slightly nicer words) we stopped being friends. (It ended up being good for her, I had introduced her to a lot of other people over the years who she could get along with and she phased into their group just fine over a little time) The moral I am hoping to impart here is that you can't decide who she spends time with, you have no right to, and you should find more people to be around and talk to rather than being solely dependent on just one person.

[QUOTE=Guy Mannly;45482551] I was thinking of it more like, if she's avoiding him because she can tell he's attracted to her, then he could clear things up by saying he was a bit confused but realized that he really likes her as a friend and make it clear that it's in a platonic way.[/QUOTE] But he pretty much told us it wasn't platonic, if he told her what he felt it wouldn't clear things up, just show that he still didn't let go of his feelings. [QUOTE=fritzel;45482594]I wouldn't say like that. Because for me it's not about becoming boyfriend or getting in her pants. That's really immature thinking because life is greater than that. [/QUOTE] What? If you tell someone you like them and tells her she should give you a chance, that's about becoming boyfriend and likely getting into her pants. I can't fathom why you think this is immature, because it's exactly what it is. [editline]24th July 2014[/editline] [QUOTE=hanalei;45483440]Thank you guys for the replies. The biggest problem is that we are really close friends. she says a lot about herself family and friends, but she never talks about his bf with me. I dont know how their releationship is doing. but as from other people said its pretty strange relationship. i could move on if i wouldnt be so close friends with her. yes i understand how bad it would be to tell her my feelings. for now i will try not to do anything and see if i can find better way. maybe i will find other girl.[/QUOTE] Good, get on with your life, [I]she is busy, she is taken, el occupado, anschluss[/I], there's nothing to gain from it. If you think you can't move on because you are close friends, then yes, telling her would help you move on, because you would most likely not be that close friends anymore. And focusing on another girl might work, but try not to build up a crush like that, just take someone out for a date and see if anything clicks.

Are long distance relationships worth it? I don't know what to do.

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45484607] What? If you tell someone you like them and tells her she should give you a chance, that's about becoming boyfriend and likely getting into her pants. I can't fathom why you think this is immature, because it's exactly what it is. [/QUOTE] Simply put, emotional needs are greater than getting into the pants needs. Latter will fizzle out after some time but the earlier one is what keeps one and another together. I'd rather prefer a one night stand for getting into the pants thing. And there is another thread in GD for that.

[QUOTE=AnonTakesOver;45484654]Are long distance relationships worth it? I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] It takes a lot of love, dedication and patience from both parties, and they very hard to mantain, but if you two are really into it until you can see each other, it's entirely possible.

[QUOTE=AnonTakesOver;45484654]Are long distance relationships worth it? I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] How long distance are we talking about here? And I would say no, as it tends to take the same ammount of attention as a real relationship, except you'll be sitting in your room skyping instead of getting to know more people around you.

[QUOTE=fritzel;45484724]Simply put, emotional needs are greater than getting into the pants needs. Latter will fizzle out after some time but the earlier one is what keeps one and blah blah blah[/QUOTE] That's not simply put, you haven't even answered his question...

[QUOTE=fritzel;45484724]Simply put, emotional needs are greater than getting into the pants needs. Latter will fizzle out after some time but the earlier one is what keeps one and another together. I'd rather prefer a one night stand for getting into the pants thing. And there is another thread in GD for that.[/QUOTE] I really don't think you understand this topic. Didn't you post about how you ruined a friendship by doing exactly this? [editline]24th July 2014[/editline] Since you still think that stuff is a good idea somehow, let me explain carefully why girls don't like what you did and what you want him to do. Yes, this post is rude. You are giving horrible advice, telling people to do really cringeworthy things that you know doesn't work that way. [QUOTE=fritzel;45108256]Posting after 2 months of hiatus from facepunch just for some advice because I don't know what to do now. So I was friends with this girl and we were kind of cool friends. And then I messaged her one day that I liked her in that way and if she could give a chance to work it out through. Well...I was just taking my chances. [/QUOTE] You were good friends, she enjoyed your friendship, then one day you decided that she should be your girlfriend. You didn't want to try build some romance to see if she could get interested in you, you simply asked her if you were going to be a couple any time soon. This is also one of the reasons a lot of girls don't hang out with guys. Even if you don't make any sort of romantic gestures, suddenly they expect things to go "to the next level" like this. [QUOTE=fritzel;45108256] It didn't turn out well. She rejected my proposal. I told that's ok but we should still keep the friendship. She told that it will take some time to feel comfortable as friends. I assured that I won't ever bring up the same matter again and I don't feel the same anymore. Even then she needed time. I said ok. It's been over 1 week now. [/QUOTE] After you told her you wanted her to be your girlfriend, she said no, probably because there was no romance, but a good friendship. You then assured her that you wont ever bring it up and dont feel the same, [I]even though you just told her you felt like that[/I]. You showed her you had no issue lying about it ont he spot. (did you seriously think she didn't understsand feelings usually wont change in 30 seconds?) [QUOTE=fritzel;45108256] Day before yesterday, our company threw a till midnight party. And I found that the distance grew even more. She made excuses for things like if she would like to dance with me. And then later she did but I wasn't the one with whom. Now it looks like that she is kind of ignoring me. I do still wish to keep the friendship. [B]Why can't she be normal now ? [/B][/QUOTE] She already told you that she would need some time to feel comfortable with you as a friend, yet the next time you see her at the party, you expect the same ammount of friendlyness and intimacy. You decided the friendship should not remain a normal friendship. That hurts, because it shows the friendship wasn't that important after all. [QUOTE=fritzel;45108256] I messaged her last night that I didn't feel bad or cry when she rejected me but did cry after all because I don't know what to do to keep the friendship. I was kind of drunk too but sober enough to walk back home and go to my flat and cry there in solitude. I guess alcohol just draws out emotions well. What do you guys suggest ? I kind of screwed up the matter ? The girl is Indian but she has had her own share of relationships before, bad and convoluted ones too. [/QUOTE] This is when you really proved yourself to not be worth the time. After saying you were over it, you took it up again, this time pushing guilt on her, even if you weren't aware. [QUOTE=fritzel;45108256] I am thinking of forgetting everything because I already told her that I value friendship above anything else. And if she ignores me then I see no point in forcing it. But the friendship was kind of pretty awesome. I will miss that. [/QUOTE] You should have forgotten it after the rejection, but clinged onto it because you would not accept it. That's the same reason the friendship doesn't return to normal. You also showed her that you did not value friendship above a relationship, and it really seems you are lying to yourself at the same time.

[QUOTE=Oscar Lima Echo;45487279]I really don't think you understand this topic. Didn't you post about how you ruined a friendship by doing exactly this? [/QUOTE] Update over same topic since you are trying to beat the dead horse (It's a recurring theme I see here, per-conceived notions because someone did something in past). I may not ask any more advices here and will not post my views. Be happy as you are. Peace. We are on good terms now. She told me that she have had past bad experiences that's why she ignored me for a while. She still considers me as a good friend. No regrets in future. Guess that makes me a little more happier. I hope that answers your question. If not then ask another until you are content with. PS: Every person is different. Some will take thing casually and others will grip on it seriously. And then you have no way of knowing what happened in the past of that person. I still stand by my point that one should let their feelings be known to another person lest there be a feeling of regret afterwards in future for the things you didn't do.

Fritzel's advice generally has the attitude of "eh, fuck it. Why not?" Which is good for some things but not this.

[QUOTE=AnonTakesOver;45484654]Are long distance relationships worth it? I don't know what to do.[/QUOTE] I have been in one for 3 months now, it's hard, you'll argue, you'll miss eachother, you'll get sick of eachother, you'll fall out. But, if you really want to be together it's worth it. I get to see my girlfriend every few weeks for a few days at a time, without this time together I would find it extremely hard.

I've been in love with a girl I don't even know in real life for over three years. I know what she looks like, I've had video chats with her and whatnot, I have great bonds with her brother, and am actually planning on studying in England (I live in Holland, she lives near Lincoln Uni). I've declared my love before, but due to socially awkward shit, I made a fool out of myself, she thought I were bisexual / gay because some 12 year old (who pretended to be 21) decided to interfere. It's best for me to not go into details with this, but it happened ~1.5 years ago, and we both kinda forgot about it, back at how we started 2 years ago. Should I explain my feelings to her before I go to England, or while I'm there? Also, what is a good way to bring it? She's not very social (spending most of the day behind her desk playing games and watching streams), but she's extremely cute and nice. I personally thought that it would be best telling her while I'm in England, because it gives her a chance to experience how I am when I'm not behind a desktop, and I could ask her out on a date that doesn't involve pubstomping in TF2.

"hey when I get to England, lets go on a date, take me out somewhere you think is nice." [editline]24th July 2014[/editline] sometimes it's better to just be blunt

Fuck group assignments. We have a project due in tomorrow worth 5% overall. I put so much effort into my part of the project, because I really want to get as close to full marks as possible (I need it badly to progress, and every little percent will help). I did so much, formatted the whole project, put an awesome table of contents and headings and graphs and tables, spent a good 3 days at the library doing my questions... And then 2 of the 4 teammates hand in their section that they literally put 10 minutes into. The other dude and me are kinda bummed, cause now we're gonna get a shitty grade. I should have hassled them more to send it in a week ago, rather than trusting them. People suck.

what you don't get individual grades?

[QUOTE=loopoo;45490662]Fuck group assignments. We have a project due in tomorrow worth 5% overall. I put so much effort into my part of the project, because I really want to get as close to full marks as possible (I need it badly to progress, and every little percent will help). I did so much, formatted the whole project, put an awesome table of contents and headings and graphs and tables, spent a good 3 days at the library doing my questions... And then 2 of the 4 teammates hand in their section that they literally put 10 minutes into. The other dude and me are kinda bummed, cause now we're gonna get a shitty grade. I should have hassled them more to send it in a week ago, rather than trusting them. People suck.[/QUOTE] I'd say something to your instructor. Depends on the courses. Yeah those kinds of people are leeches. In my psych 101 class, a group of kids had paid some test taking company to take the online tests for them. The final exam was in person. They took the final, got a grade. Then when final semester grades were posted, he failed them and had them written up for academic probation. Which is really devastating to have on your record at the university level.

[QUOTE=loopoo;45490662]Fuck group assignments. We have a project due in tomorrow worth 5% overall. I put so much effort into my part of the project, because I really want to get as close to full marks as possible (I need it badly to progress, and every little percent will help). I did so much, formatted the whole project, put an awesome table of contents and headings and graphs and tables, spent a good 3 days at the library doing my questions... And then 2 of the 4 teammates hand in their section that they literally put 10 minutes into. The other dude and me are kinda bummed, cause now we're gonna get a shitty grade. I should have hassled them more to send it in a week ago, rather than trusting them. People suck.[/QUOTE] That ALWAYS happens with group projects, there is always going to be at least one person who tries to fuck the rest of you over. Most professors probably know it's an issue so I doubt you'll get graded based on his failures. Usually you'll be presenting the slides that you wrote yourself (at least, this is how I hope you did it), so if one of your group members didn't do his assigned slides, then he won't be presenting anything. Either way, it will be pretty noticeable if one or two of your group didn't do any research. [editline]24th July 2014[/editline] Oh wait, I thought you said it was a presentation for some reason. It'll be a lot harder to prove what parts of the project you did that way, you might want to go with your other group partner who put effort into it and talk to your professor. Some professors have a system where you have to write a review of each of your group partners so they can see if anything went wrong.

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So, I kind of need some advice. I asked this girl out back in February, but her parents found out and wouldn't let her date anybody. So we just flirted for the rest of the school year. I haven't talked to her since then, which was about a month and a half ago. I tried to call her not too long ago, but she was grounded. Anyway, I was invited to a birthday party/picnic tomorrow afternoon and she is going to be there. This is going to be the first time that we have seen each other or talked in a while, and according to her best friend, she is still interested in me. What do I do? Do I hug her when we greet? What should we talk about? Parties are already pretty awkward for me. I don't want to miss a good opportunity to catch up and let her know that I am still interested. Also, what's the deal with cologne? How are you supposed to spray the stuff because I usually do two sprays on either side of my neck, whenever i'm going to be around girls, and I never really notice a difference ( Unless I'm not supposed to smell it and it's actually working ).

[QUOTE=Duskling;45495669]So, I kind of need some advice. I asked this girl out back in February, but her parents found out and wouldn't let her date anybody. So we just flirted for the rest of the school year. I haven't talked to her since then, which was about a month and a half ago. I tried to call her not too long ago, but she was grounded. Anyway, I was invited to a birthday party/picnic tomorrow afternoon and she is going to be there. This is going to be the first time that we have seen each other or talked in a while, and according to her best friend, she is still interested in me. What do I do? Do I hug her when we greet? What should we talk about? Parties are already pretty awkward for me. I don't want to miss a good opportunity to catch up and let her know that I am still interested. [I]Also, what's the deal with cologne?[/I] How are you supposed to spray the stuff because I usually do two sprays on either side of my neck, whenever i'm going to be around girls, and I never really notice a difference ( Unless I'm not supposed to smell it and it's actually working ).[/QUOTE] Put the cologne down. And step away. By the sounds of it your not even 18, you should not be wearing cologne. Jesus. If you are around a smell, sound, taste, anything for an extended time you won't notice it. Your brain filters important and non-important information like that. It's why you don't taste the inside of your mouth or notice the smell of your own house (at least not maybe till you leave and come back) Other than that, chill out and stop worrying. Just chat with her or whatever you would do with anyone else at a party. Your not dating, I wouldn't hug her unless that is normal for you guys since it seems kinda out of the blue. Seriously though how old are you? Cologne really?

Just be clean and smell not-terrible and it'll be infinitely better than smelling like tobacco and cedar from across the room. It depends on the person of course, but anecdotally I've never met anyone who likes smelling cologne on a person.

[QUOTE=Rhenae;45495762]Put the cologne down. And step away. By the sounds of it your not even 18, you should not be wearing cologne. Jesus. If you are around a smell, sound, taste, anything for an extended time you won't notice it. Your brain filters important and non-important information like that. It's why you don't taste the inside of your mouth or notice the smell of your own house (at least not maybe till you leave and come back) Other than that, chill out and stop worrying. Just chat with her or whatever you would do with anyone else at a party. Your not dating, I wouldn't hug her unless that is normal for you guys since it seems kinda out of the blue. Seriously though how old are you? Cologne really?[/QUOTE] I thought wearing cologne was a pretty common thing. My bad I guess? I'm 17.

If you're not really sure how you apply cologne, you probably shouldn't be using cologne.

[QUOTE=Duskling;45495892]I thought wearing cologne was a pretty common thing. My bad I guess? I'm 17.[/QUOTE] Real men use the power of their alpha pheremones to get girls wet. Jusy get real sweaty beforehand and eat a wheel of sharp cheddar cheese and she'll be allover you.

I thought everyone wore cologne but me, and I don't wear it because the smell is fucking awful.

A lot of teens wear this really strong "1 Million" perfume, but it's strong as shit and I don't think it has ever been used by a man. I use perfume nearly every day, usually just one or two drops rubbed onto my skin to have a small recognizable scent that no-one else I know uses.

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